Diary ~

Theresa had warned us of the magic of the Moon Mirror: beware of its illusions, she had whispered, handing us the bundle of cloth that wrapped the Mirror. We should have listened to her.

They say that curiosity is the vice of humankind and I guess they're right. We wanted to know what the Mirror was like, and we unwrapped it. I held it first. It was carved of what looked like white gold and platinum, the rim dotted with semi-precious stones. An aura of light surrounded it. When I looked into it, I saw my own reflection—for a moment. Then the Mirror went milky-white, and I saw myself again.

The second time I was younger, more beautiful, almost ethereal. Gone were the wrinkles around my eyes, gone was the few strands of white among the black. My hair was longer and I was sitting cross-legged on thin air, a giant tome in my lap. My eyes were hazy and full of knowledge.

After a moment of confusion, I suddenly understood and yearned. I yearned desperately to be this woman, a beautiful young matron of knowledge, untouched by time, holding all the wisdom of the world in her hands. I wanted to know the answers, to tap into the "gift" Rose claimed I had.

The Mirror was taken from me and the want lessened but did not fade. Albert, in his curiosity, had snatched the Mirror from me and looked in. "Whoa! I…I see myself sitting on my throne, and Emille beside me. My father and uncle are alive, and getting along. It's a miracle."

When the Mirror was taken from him, he suddenly reddened and ducked his head sheepishly. "Sorry."

Miranda looked in next. "I see my mother." She said simply.

Meru grabbed the Moon Mirror and flew to a rock to peer at it. "Oh my gosh! I see myself! Oh cool, I'm wearing this awesome outfit, and I'm the belle of a Wingly ball! It's a dream come true!"

Rose somersaulted from her tree branch and took it. She did not say what was in there, but her gray eyes opened wide and her lips parted in a gasp. I did not need to ask to know what—or who—she saw. She clenched the Mirror tightly, her knuckles white, the bones protruding.

We all knew that it would by folly to interrupt her, but Lloyd glanced over Rose's shoulder, saw his own 'dream come true' and stole it. I only saw his rapturous look for a moment before Rose snapped out of her daze and snarling, lunged at him.

"Give me back the Mirror!" She screamed, a hell-fury of rage and claws.

Lloyd howled in pain and anger, and a fight broke out.

I had never been hit by either of them before, but as I watched, I soon realized this was a battle of immortals. Each missed punch left a crater where it struck. The colorful spheres demolished trees and rocks. My head still hurts from the pain of feeling the magic.

Finally, Dart hauled Rose away. I gathered enough sense to grab Lloyd by the arms and pull him back too.

"What the hell is going on with you two?"

Lloyd struggled hard, dragging me forward a few steps before I braced my feet with all the strength I had and tossed him to the ground, face-down. When he tried getting up again, I sat on his back. "Stay still!"

"I have to see the Mirror!" The pain in his voice was almost enough to make me rise and give it to him. But I remembered the desire that flooded my own mind when I saw my dream and shook my head.

"Lloyd, it's nothing but an illusion. The utopia you see in there is not real. It is what you want but it doesn't exist yet. The only way you can make it real is if you work for it here and now, not in a world where it's already done for you. Calm down. You're being tricked. The power of the Moon Mirror is illusion." I pinned down his head to keep him from thrashing, but my fingers were gentle, trying to calm him, stroking his silvery hair.

"But…" He releases all his breath and goes limp. "You're right." The fight drained out of him, I help him to his feet and let him rest against me.

Rose was pressing her fist against her mouth, ignoring the hand Dart placed on her back. Her shoulders were shaking and her face was turned away from all of us. I think she might have been crying, because she threw off Dart's hand and stalked into the trees. A few moments later we heard her scream.

A horrible scream that tore through the skies and echoed around the rock cliffs and woods. It was the scream of a wounded animal. The scream of a woman who had seen a fantasy so close to her and then had it ripped away when she was forced back to reality. The scream of our Rose.

I am closer to Rose than anyone here. I know things about her that the others do not. But there is definitely more that she is not telling me, secrets that she hides even from herself. She is a mystery layered upon another mystery. I would go to her and talk if I thought it would do any good. If she does not trust enough, she will always be alone. There is no worse fate I can think of.

"Whoa." Meru rubbed her hands along her arms. "Scary."

"We never thought she could do that." Father said. I know that he has a particular fondness for Rose. Perhaps because she looks like me years ago, resembling the time when he could have changed the years of pain his daughter suffered. Or maybe it is because he can feel her ageless pain and sympathizes with it.

"Should we…should we go look for her?" Shana ventured.

"No. Leave her alone. She'll come back when she's ready." Dart glanced at the Mirror where it lay on the ground. "That's going to be a problem." He picked up the cloth that originally wrapped it, and keeping his eyes carefully averted, bundled the Moon Mirror tight. "Mom, you wanna keep holding it? You've already got one Object."

I looked at the bundle and felt the call of it, the power that drew me to it and remembered the reflection of a matron of time and knowledge. I shook my head hard. "No. Don't give it to me. I'll just look into it again. It Calls me even now, with the same power I feel in the Dragon Buster."

"That's weird." Meru piped up. "It's not that bad. I kinda wish I could look into it again. But it's not that powerful."

I saw the innocence in her blood-colored eyes and the smile, then the pain in the same blood-colored eyes of Lloyd. I remembered Rose's scream and the haunting in her eyes. "I think…I think the Mirror works on age. I looked into it and I felt the call of it, and I want it back, badly. But Lloyd and Rose are older, and they felt the call stronger, much stronger." I remembered that Lloyd's real age wasn't known to all, so I purposely left that abstract. Still, I caught the flash of suspicion in Dart's eyes and quickly kept talking. "I'm sure that if Father looked into the Mirror, he would feel the call stronger than I did. Meru is the youngest, so she felt the call least."

Dart glanced back down at the bundle in his hands. "So we should let Meru carry it?"

"No." Lloyd's voice was hoarse. The arm he had around me was tight. "She's already looked into it once. It will call her. Give it to Shana."

"What?"

Shana shrugged. "I don't feel it calling me at all. It's just a Mirror in my mind. Maybe it's because of the weird powers I have. Let me hold it for a moment." Dart placed the bundle in her arms and she paused. "Nothing. I don't feel its power. I can carry it."

She is still holding it now, carrying it close to her. I still feel like looking into it, but I know that to do that I have to go through Shana, something I don't want to do. I wonder if she really doesn't feel its power? She is not human, true, but…the magic in the world is usually tied in with the Moon in some way or other, and her magic must be tied with the same powers as the Objects. But…

I am thinking too much. Paranoia does not become me, I know. I need to get back to civilization somewhere. I need linen and lavender candles again. That royal treatment in Fletz has spoiled me. Gods, I can still feel the pull of the Mirror. I have to turn my back. If it is this strong for me, what about for Rose and Lloyd? I should go check on them.

Rose is being…guarded—I don't like that word—by Dart and Father. They don't mention the scream. They are talking to her, telling her things, to keep her mind off the Mirror. She is nodding and responding, but she seems despondent. The Call of the Mirror should fade with time. All they have to do is distract her until then. But Lloyd…Lloyd has only me.

I went to him where he lay next to the fire. He was curled tight with his back to the fire, shaking, not from the cold. I touched his shoulder and he sat up, the distress in his eyes uncloaked. I held him close and he let me. "It's not real, Lloyd. It's just an illusion. You have to realize that."

"I know…but it felt so real, Claire! I could feel the…cleanness of it. The purity. No wars, no hate. Just the utopia, the perfect world, and it was real. Everyone was happy. No one fought each other. And I did it. I had completed my dreams and I was there. It was real."

Oh how it must haunt him! I know how much his dream means to him, and for him to have that one glimpse of it… I loosened one of my arms and made him look at me. When he took his face away from my shoulder and watched, I stuck my hand at the fire. It burned, of course, and he cried out in surprise, pulling my hand back. Surprise was evident in his eyes, breaking the trance.

"Do you see, Lloyd?" I held my burned hand to him. It was a very faint burn, not enough to raise definite blisters, but it was red and painful anyway. At least I had thought ahead enough to use my left hand, so my writing hand is still perfectly fine. "This is real, Lloyd! Pain and suffering here. And it's awful, but it's the truth. Your utopia…it's an admirable goal, and who knows? Maybe someday you will be able to achieve it. But not if you just sit here and pine over it. What you saw was an illusion. Get it through your thick head." I put my hand on his cheek, watching him flinch at the heat that radiated from it. "You are in reality. You might be able to alter it but first you have to accept it."

He stared into my eyes for a long time. I felt self-conscious for a while there, under his scrutinizing blood gaze, but I held it. Diary, I can't describe it. His eyes held everything about him. His pain, his suffering, his age. I would never fully understand it, but I could be there for him.

"You're right." He finally sighed, and I smiled. I don't understand why he puts such faith and love in me. He is surely good-looking enough to find anyone, but he places everything he has in this woman here. I don't understand it, but I'm glad he does. I need something to anchor me to reality, and the same went for him. If I could be his link to this reality, then that was fine. Anything to keep him from getting lost in himself.

"What's being the Divine Dragoon like?" I asked him.

"You should know. It chose you first."

"I didn't like it. It was too much power. I'm a quaint woman."

He held me close to him, each of us the anchor for the other, and I tucked my head into the curve of his neck. "It's sort of like after a workout and a bath, when you feel refreshed and powerful. A little painful, but powerful. I can't explain it, but it's…amazing."

My curiosity satisfied, we just sat there. Everyone else disappeared. My mind barely registered the other members of our group scattered around our campsite. My heart lurched and thumped when I stayed with him. I don't remember ever feeling this way. If this is love, then…then I did not love Zieg…

The revelation is a little frightening.

Anyhow, I kissed him. Despite his age, he seemed shy with our relationship. It was only the second time we had kissed, and while it made my heart beat wildly, it was cut short by a very loud and deliberate sneeze by Father, who had ditched talking to Rose to keep an eye on us. The message received, we quickly parted.

I will never understand Lloyd, but I will be there for him. It is a promise I intend to keep. He fell for "Emperor Diaz's" lies because he wanted so desperately to have something to believe in. He needed something to hold on to. I have promised him that I will be the harbinger of Truth and wash away the lies that he was fed, or at least try. He smiled, and it was all worth it.

The Wingly part of the problem settled, I then needed to speak with the female Dragoon part. I walked over to Dart, and when he looked up, I bluntly pointed at the sleeping bags, and he left. What fun it is to wield the power of Motherhood.

"Hello." I said to Rose.

"Hey." Still gloomier than her usual self, she is lying on her stomach, one hand cupping her chin. The fingers of that hand are curled into her cheek, the nails digging in. I am not sure if it is deliberate, but I pull them away anyway.

"Don't. Your complexion looks like it bruises easily." I sat next to her. "I know mine does, and we look alike, though I flatter myself. You know," I continued when she didn't talk. It's a little scary when she does that. She rarely does so with me, so I kept talking to fill the silence. "We're a lot alike. We're part of the same timeline. But which one we are, I do not know. You are older and hold the Past, but you will also be the Future. I have no doubt that you are a survivor. Me? I came after you, but I have long since been Past my time."

She looked at me with a cynical glance. "What are you talking about?"

"I know you saw him, Rose. You were his Past. I was his Future. And yet…I believe that you loved—love—him more than I did and do."

"You have Lloyd now." She pointed out, almost bitterly.

"That's true. But I don't think that's the reason. You went through Heaven and Hell with Zieg. I think…I think I was his replacement for you. What he was really looking for when he somehow survived that one-on-one with Melbu Frahma was you. He must have thought you lost. When he met me, I reminded him of you. Perhaps that is why he and I fell in love. He was outside of Rouge, giving me stories and excitement and courage enough to leave. But I think I gave him the greater gift, the gift of letting him transform his past. He lived halfway in an illusion, thinking I was you. That's why he was so unresponsive to me."

"You have a son." Rose said, blunt as usual.

"Thank you, I am quite aware of that fact, but you're not thinking deeply enough. That's why you seemed familiar when I first met you. Not just because we looked alike. I remembered your name. He said the name Rose once in a while. Idly. The first time was when I brought him tea while he was studying. I had startled him from his books and he looked up at me and said, 'Thanks, Rose.' I thought it an endearment, did you know that? It happened once in a while when he wasn't thinking fully. Sometimes he would call me that when he was off in his own world, sometimes when he was happy, and sometimes…" It was difficult to say it out loud. "Um, yeah, when we made love."

A smile broke out over Rose's face and she swallowed a laugh so that I came out as a sort of hiccup. "Really?"

"I lie to you not. I honestly did think it was an endearment. I never knew he was actually thinking about someone else. Now that I know, it's a little…disconcerting to say the least. I never knew I was just a replacement. But we had some good times, and I did love him, do not doubt that. And I bore a great son out of it. But his love for you never faded, and today's little incident proved that yours hasn't either."

Rose was very, very quiet when she said, "A long time ago, we promised that our love would never fade. We would always be together even if one of us died."

"And both of you kept your promise. He loved me, I am sure, but he never stopped loving you. I am not even sure if he could tell me and you apart. We were the same person in his mind. He was lost in his own illusion, trapped because of it. Don't let the same thing happen to you. You're here, Rose, and I don't have to lecture you about reality because of what you've been through. Just remember that. Your love isn't a weakness. It's what makes you great. I'm going to sleep now."

I am tired, I can barely keep my eyes open and Meru is bugging me to blow out the candle.

Anyway, when I stood up, Rose grabbed my hand for a moment. "Thanks."

I think that might have been one of the greatest gifts I've been given.