Chapter Three:
Wo.de - I
Nemuri ga kureta yume wa omoide wo tsutsumu The dreams that sleep gave me envelope my memories
The moon was full.
Yukito slept, cradled in Touya's arms; Touya, awake and yet not knowing what had awakened him, stared at the ceiling. The light of the moon was on his face; gentles and delicate, and yet bright and undeniable. He thought for a moment that this was what had awakened him, but dismissed that thought before it was completely formed--whatever had woken him was something unnamed and intangible; something faint on the edge of audibility, like the sound of ice cracking.
In the silence, in the stillness, he found himself uneasy without knowing why; only knowing--only feeling--that somehow, in some way, something was not right.
***
Standing, smiling, in front of him. An uncaring smile, a smile that didn't care; frightening because of it. A raised eyebrow and then a raised hand, placed against his temple for the barest instant, horrifyingly gentle, before running through his hair, along the line of his skull, now grasping the back of his head in a way that was almost painful; pulling towards and tilting his head back in one movement; hands tangling his hair. He stared with wide eyes, flinching where he was touched while trying not to, trying to understand what had happened, what he had done; forcing himself not to try and back away.
"You can not force me to do anything."
"I'm sorry...I'm sorry...but...please...I don't know what..."
"That was a mistake."
"No...no, why do...not like...I would...
"I only...I only wanted...wanted to..."
"To
'what'?"
***
Touya frowned. Yukito had suddenly started shaking in his sleep; frowning and trying to pull back while mumbling unintelligibly. Touya reached down, running his fingers through Yukito's hair at the sleeping boy's temple.
Yukito's
eyes flew open and he unfurled into Yue, amber eyes turning blue, grey
hair growing long and white, face changing into one of bloodless shock.
"Ni
shi wo.de" whispered softly.
He
shut his eyes, not sure how to answer; what to say to that truth which
seemed so simple and yet was so complex.
"Wo
ai ni."
"Bu.shi!"
he spat out, shocked at the vehemence in it; at that reaction to words
that he thought he wanted to hear. "Ni bu.ai wo! Ni...ni...bu.shi,
bu.yao..."
Lips
twisted upwards.
It
was not a smile.
"Ni
ai wo. Wo yao ni. Hen hao, ma?"
Yue
looked at him with something akin to desperation on his face. "Wei
shem.me? Wo shi... Wei shem.me? Wei shem.me?"
Touya
frowned. "Uhh...Yue...I don't speak Chinese... What are you saying?
Oi...Yue? Yue? Are you OK? I don't understand what you're--Yue!"
he let out suddenly, surprised, as he was flung against the bed, Yue heavy
on him; Yue's fingers digging into his upper arms.
"Wo.de.
Ni shi...wo shi...wo.de...ni.de..." Yue said, raising himself
up slightly, breath heavy and ragged, as if it was being ripped out of
him. "Wei shem.me?"
Touya's
heart sped up. Wrong. Something was wrong. Something was very,
*very* wrong. ~What the *hell*?~
The
look on Yue's face was beginning to frighten him. He had never in his
life seen someone--someone who wasn't *dead*--with that look on their
face. But dead people...he had seen that look, many times before, before
the world went flat. Lost, wild-eyed; confused and angry...that feeling
of being out of touch radiated off of Yue, the same as it had with the
ghosts he used to see, all the more terrifying because it was on the face
of someone so close, someone so tangible, and someone so powerful.
This,
Touya knew, was very much *not good*.
"Yue..."
he began, slowly and carefully, "Get off of me. Yue, get *off* o-"
The
words were abruptly cut off by Yue kissing him; pressing his mouth against
Touya's with that same wild, confused desperation.
Touya's
eyes flew open; he hadn't seen that coming, or seen the amount of desperation
and confusion behind it; the feeling of trying to make something make
sense, anything. It was a confusion that transmitted itself in far more
than the look that had been on Yue's face; it carried itself in Yue's
lips, in the trembling hands that clutched at his shoulders, in the nails
that dug into his flesh. Touya went slack, letting Yue's desperation wash
over him, not reacting for a moment from shock of all of it, before he
raised his arms to wrap around Yue; to be something that was solid and
certain. He raised his arms, wrapping them tightly around Yue, feeling
Yue's soft hair and trembling wings.
Yue
was *warm*. He didn't know why that surprised him as much as it did then;
there was no reason to think that Yue would be cold, other than the fact
that Yue seemed to always give off an impression of *cold*--of frozen
trees in November, of snow falling softly on a moonlit winter night. It
was, then, a surprise to discover how warm that Yue was--that his lips
were warm, that skin was warm. And not only was his skin warm, it was
soft--softer than the feathers of his wings, softer than the long white
hair that covered both of them like snow.
Yue
was warm...but it was a false warmth; it was a warmth that took the heat
of those around it and reflected it, like the moon and light.
But
that it was a reflected warmth did not change the fact that he was warm;
he was warm, and it seemed to grow by degrees the longer that he was pressed
against Touya, growing infinitely hotter to the touch as the moments,
pressed mouth to mouth, passed.
Yue
seemed to glow over him, like the light of the moon; gathering and reflecting
the light around him even as he seemed to glow from within. His wings
filled the world; he seemed to grow both more solid and more ephemeral;
a being that would be lit forever, yet if touched too soon, would fade
away, broken. Yue became more real as everything around him seemed to
fade--but it was a fragile solidity, masking the ephemeral; if something
small changed, it would all reverse, and Yue would fade again into nothing.
He
was fading.
"Yu--e...?" Touya whispered, breaking away, moving his hand listlessly to tangle in the entity's hair; then to touch the wins that filled all. Soft. It should have been so very soft. But why couldn't he feel--?
"Clow...I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." Yue whispered in English, the words sliding over Touya. Touya grasped for them, but they slipped away before he could comprehend; snowflakes melting in his hands; sakura blowing in the wind.
"Forgive me..."
As hands traveled over him, Touya felt now as if he--not everything around him--was fading as Yue became more real, brighter than the moon; that Yue was taking his reality and making it his, and to stop this would be some great crime; a sin of unforgivable proportions, and thus must be allowed. This felt, even as part of him cried out in desperation.
~SHIT!~ Touya thought, suddenly panicking as everything fell into place. ~My...he's taking...like before...but there's nothing left...shi--~
Fading again. Fading into nothing. So easy to...
...fade.
~No!~
He started struggling; hands digging into hair and pulling, desperate. The hands holding him down grew painful, cutting, and that helped; it was something real, something to focus on.
Yue raised himself slightly, hair falling into Touya's face and to the side; a sheet of white.
"Wo shi ni.de, Clow...Ni shi..."
Clow. Clow. A slap. Like a slap. Like a
"I'm not Cl--!"
The words were cut off again. This time, Touya struggled against Yue without thinking, only knowing that this had gone on long enough and it was time to end it; only feeling that sting of that name.
And so, stung, he struggled, even though part of him rebelled against the fight, calling out for that this peaceful fading and for Yue to become all that there was; whispering that it was better to fade, perhaps, than continue in the flat emptiness that the world had become; better to absorbed back into that warm glow of magic...
~But if that happens, Yuki will cry...and Sakura...and Dad. I can't...I said I would take of them. I promised...~
Yue let out a startled his, raising up, the corner of his lip bleeding when Touya bit it.
"Let go of me." Touya whispered, no longer able to manage anything louder. He was struggling but weakly; it was becoming easier not to fight; to give in to the waves rolling over him making the world unfocused and the cool hands like moonlight. "Please...please, no, Yu...Yu...Yu--"
"--e," Yue said, his lips against Touya's ear. "Yue...I'm Yue...And I know...I know I'm not the one you love...and you're not...I know I never was. I know I'm only the...the parasite that lives inside of him, that stole your...the parasite that...that can not...Clow...I'm sorry, I'm sorry I drove you to...It was all my fault..."
Yue's voice cracked and he fell away, fingers digging as claws into the pale flesh at his crown. The magic fell away; shaking, he collapsed.
~ni.de i