Day 2
(cue cheesy music. fade music down)
Fade up into Jeezus's living room. Jeezus is still brushing his hair, and is now on the phone.
JEEZUS: .but this IS and emergency. I have split ends (cue dramatic music).
KBO: (rolling eyes) You didn't whine this much over that groin pull.
JEEZUS: (into the phone) Are you nuts??? My hair would poof up like a Macy Day Parade Balloon version of Dudley Dew Right. or worse. like Delta Burke at the Entenmanns' Convention! (pause to listen) No KRyStahl... I'm going for full bodied and bouncy... not Jersey girl tease! *huff*
KBO: You know. I'm supposed to be the voice of reason in this scene, but I don't think anything I say would even put a dent in your hysterics. you're on your own bud.
****Cut scene
We enter Spinner's Diner to find Spinner microwaving various frozen dinners.
SPINNER: As long as that muttonhead can keep his retard mouth shut, I can get away with this and destroy D, AGAIN. (evil laugh)
(c-bring runs in all discombobulated and bouncing. a schmeggeggle of drool is flapping around on the corner of his mouth)
CBRING: Heee hee (heavy breathing) I deed eet mastuh, I deed eet
SPINNER: What the fuck are you talking about you idiot?
CBRING: I deed eet, I deed eet. I deed eet mastuh
SPINNER: Uhhh. you said that. now explain what the fuck you are talking about before I whip your sorry ass with the rubber hose. AGAIN!
CBRING: Thee Eetal-yuns. I finddeed thar seecreet. Theyz yoosin Chef Boyardi for theee compu-tition. they are cheeeting like you.. I have dee proof
SPINNER: IF YOU MENTION THE FROZEN DINNERS TO ANYONE. I swear to Jeezus's dad that I will grab your bulging nut sack and stretch it out to here. then wrap it around your neck and choke you with it.
CBRING: Sorry Mastuh. but I findeded the prooooof that the Eetal-yuns are cheething.
SPINNER: Well hand it over you drunken drooling fuck cunt.
(cue dramatic music. fade to commercial)
(commercial break)
(end commercial break)
(D's Kitchen. Pat the Webhead is hogged tied and hanging upside down from the ceiling.)
D: Now it's not that I want to destroy her. I just want to find out her secret. How does she beat me every time. For Christ sakes, for the burrito competition three years ago I imported some people from Mexico to cook these damn things and some how she pulled some trick out her ass to beat me.
PAT: (Still with ball gag in his mouth) Mmmmbbbllllphmmnnn KKkkkccccchhschhsck
D: Oh shut up! I tried using MSG already. it didn't work. Gawd you are so stoopit. Maybe if I visited the Oracle, she could give me some advice. I mean. not that she can cook. you tried those fritter things she made last year at Christmas. BLECH. but maybe she can look into the future and see some way of beating that Spinner!
(dramatic music)
*** Cut scene
CPK: Fuckity fuckl fuck fuckin fuck fuck fuck
NOS: Yes, I agree. I looked in these old Latin books to see if there was something about the SoopDragon. Good thing you speak Latin fluently. I was having trouble with that one part. Anyway. The way I see it, every creature out there has a weakness. It is the way nature is designed. Nature is flawed. Take humans for example. Humans are in all comparison, frail creatures and it is amazing that we ended up on the top of the food chain. Opposable thumbs or not, most of the critters out there can kick are asses in a one on one battle. It fascinates me that the everything that really kills humans are all self inflicted. For instance. I smoke, I like to smoke. I like the way it feels in my lungs when I inhale. I also know that it will kill me. But this world has my mind so incredibly fucked up that I don't care enough about living out my life for a long time to give up the few moments of joy I get out of puffing on a cigarette. Then again, if I had the opportunity to live forever, I don't think I would because too many people on this world are so incredibly fucked up that I would want to constantly choke the shit out of them.
CPK: (staring blankly and drooling) Uuuuhmmmmm. Huh?
(Puffy enters the room)
PUFFY: Would both of you shut the fuck up. We have a Jihad to plan here and all you two can do is wax intellectual about the fate of man while the other goes into a teretic cussing fit. Now, call the Columbians and work on getting some of the soldiers in place.
CPK: Who the fuck put her in charge?
NOS: Who the fuck let her in here?
TYLER DURDEN: Who the fuck took my weed?
BEASTIE GIRL: (from the kitchen) Who the fuck ate all the Doritos???
CPK: WHOA. what the fuck just happened here?
NOS: Fuck this. I'm outta here. HEY. YOU. yeah you. the stupid fuck writing this piece of shit. could you. I dunno. give me a cool dramatic ending?
Sure!
NOS: Thanks
(Nos rises up off the ground and high into the air. his body begins to glow bright white and explodes.. the explosion can be seen all over the east coast of the United States.)
(commercial break) (end commercial break)
Missy's kitchen
MISSY: DAMMNIT. DAMN DAMN DAMN!
CROWD: What now?
MISSY: The stoopit yolk thingie keeps breaking.
CROWD: Did you use oil?
MISSY: Oil??? (blank stare)
CROWD: Oh gawd. you're kidding right? How did you get to be a master chef?
MISSY: (giggling) I have Noooooo idea. besides. you're the moron writing this, you should be able to answer that question.
CROWD: Ummm. I'm just a character in this like you. Stay focused.
MISSY: What if I just made pudding?
CROWD: If you can't cook an egg, I doubt that you could master pudding.
MISSY: (goes to fridge and pulls out Jell-O brand pudding single from a pack of six and peels the aluminum foil top) See. all done.
CROWD: I doubt that will qualify as a great dish for the competition at the party that is but three months away.
MISSY: Well. I heard that everyone else was cheating. why should I have to cook?
(meanwhile in the Throne Room)
FU: AAAAAAAAAahahahahahahahahaa hee hee *hic* haahahahahaahaaa.
(The part of Hot Chick in French Maid Outfit is played by Jenny McCarthy cause it has been a while since she actually had a paying gig and she'd probably work cheap. I heard she didn't make much off of Basketball)
HOT CHICK IN FRENCH MAID OUTFIT: What is it master?
FU: Ohhh. nothing. I just amuuuuuuse myself sometimes.
HOT CHICK IN FRENCH MAID OUTFIT: Do you want to continue waiting or should I go get her?
FU: We can wait a moment longer.
(Hot Italian Broad enters room - The part of Hot Italian Broad is being played by Monica Belucci.. Yummy!)
HOT ITALIAN BROAD: I'm sorry I'm late King FU... I was busy oiling up my legs... should I take my top off and bend over your knee for my punishment?
FU: YEEEEESsssss!
(commercial break)
(end commercial)
Little Little Italy
RJ: Well, I figured out what that noise was.
JOEY: Punganoon, foogazzi, Burelli, Moochanini
TTONY: Would you stop dat already.
JOEY: Sorry. I just get into my cooking.
TTONY: Well. Dumbledorf. what da hell wuzzit?
RJ: Well. I went through the videotape of the surveillance cameras that I had set up without you guys knowing so I could look down the blouses of any of the chicks that came to see Joey. and well. here. take a look.
TTONY: What da hell is dat ting?
JOEY: AAAAAAAAAHAHAAHAAA. It's a circus midget!!!
TTONY: Whut da hell is on his back?
JOEY: AAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAA. a circus midget with a hump.
RJ: I can enhance it so we can see the face better.
TTONY: Holy CHRIST dat ting is ugly! It's like a troll wit two o'clock shadow.
JOEY: AAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHAHA a humped back badly shaven circus midget with a limp. Now THAT's funny!
RJ: Hey guys. doesn't he look familiar?
TTONY: Reminds me oh you muddah! HA. Hey Joey, Ja hear whud I says, He says, "Hey guys. doesn't he look familiar?" so I says, "Reminds me oh you muddah!"
JOEY: Hey wait. isn't that Spinner's little punchy boy manservant?
(*Author's note. Joey was originally going to say that C-Bring was spinner's little Bitch, however since Dave is Spinner's Bitch "Little Punchy Boy Man Servant" was substituted in order to avoid confusion. -- Ed.)
RJ: Oh my god. do you think he saw anything?
TTONY: I want dis fucka dead
RJ: But his mom is friends with my mom. my mom was a nurse at the Looney Bin that his mother was an inmat. errr. patient at.
TTONY: You find dis fuck... and you whack da rat bastid! I don't care who his muddah is!
**Cut scene
Meanwhile. on the Space Station
DARTH: . but can you put Sullivan's head in the place where a donkey's ass is. oh. better yet. have the Donkey shitting Sullivan out.
BATONRUDE: Anything you need, master.
DARTH: Just thinking about being the Dark Lord of the universe is making me all giddy. my nipples are hard. I feel just like a little girl. tee hee
BATONRUDE: Yes, Master.
(and in the lobby)
EKG: MMmmmmmmm... Now could you pick those thingies up over there!
(commercial break) (end commercial)
LILBIT: Stir the pot while the stew is hot because if not the broth will clot and become very stiff much like the joints of a robot and to get past that you have to work. A LOT and though the others are cheating, they'll surely get caught Oh. Oh. can we add the Okra I bought?
SOUTHERNGIRL: You. are. NOT. MY. SISTER
(and back at the HotPants Kitchen)
RHOADRUNNER: Honey, could you hand me that thermometer?
HOTPANTS: I can't, I just painted my nails!
RHOADRUNNER: Oh come on. YOU. yeah you. can't you do something about this. I dunno, maybe write in here that she actually does some cooking? Or at least make it Shannon and Paul's kitchen.
(and George walks in from the backyard wearing nothing but a towel around his neck)
RHOADRUNNER: OK OK OK. damnit man. This just sucks.
(and George goes back outside)
(and High atop the Four Building)
LOONE2N: whatchamakinwhatchamakinwhatchamakin huh huh huh huh huh caniseecanisee huh huh huh?
SYNCH: It's Meat.
COOLGRLJEN: I'll see you guys later I gotta run.
LOONE2N: WhereyagoinWhereyagoinWhereyagoin huh huh huh huh huh Whereyagoin
COOLGRLJEN: I'm going down to the Pizza place. the writer is supposed to have a really HOT-DUH guy waiting for me there.
(RockstarMike falls down and goes into a coma)
(*Note from Editor. The character of RockStarMike is being placed into a coma because he is gone. We here at piss poor entertainment didn't feel it would be nice to kill him off directly in case he came back and then we'd be all in a quandary and have to make something stupid up like a twin brother that was the real RockStarMike and that this first guy was just an impersonator. -- Ed.)
(and in a dark Place somewhere)
ISOL8D: (hard at work folding a piece of paper) a few more folds and my Origami stealth bomber will be completed.. the time is at hand. Enjoy your party Mr. Fu. It will be your last. BWAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA
(cue cool ass echo effect thing)
(and in the Dark Fire Cage. errr. Cave. Freudian slip there. disregard,)
FIRESITE: You take that back. I do not look like Redman.
DARKONE: Yes you do. here, look at this picture.
FIRESITE: You burn that picture now, or I will kill you!
DARKONE: OK. but I have like. I dunno. a thousand copies at home.
(Redman starts rolling down the ramp into the Dark Fire Cave and his Maga- mega Tron scooter flips over and he goes tumbling down the ramp)
DARKONE AND FIRESITE: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAA
(Meanwhile at the Jaffe Salad Productions Headquarters)
JEN: How's it going dear?
JAFFE: Well. I just got off the phone with them. they're coming over in a bit.
JEN: Cool, want me to pick up anything at the store?
JAFFE: Nah. I think we have enough artificial cheese flavored snacks in the cupboard.
JEN: So what are you thinking?
JAFFE: That I am the greatest gift the supreme beings were kind enough to bestow on this mudhole.
JEN: I meant about this situation.
JAFFE: Oh. I think they'll be able to help out. It could get a bit ugly. but in the end. the world will be a brand new place.
JEN: Well. sunshine. they're here!
(cue dramatic "Who's coming up the sidewalk" music and fade to black)
CHEESY ANNOUNCER GUY: Tune in next time to find out: who Jaffe has enlisted the aide from? who Isol8d is talking to? will ekg get her rocks off? Are littleBit and SouthernGirl really sisters? Why wasn't ________ included in the story? (Give me a break. I just started for christ's sake) Is Fu the luckiest horniest guy in the world or what? Does Paul secretly want to get with George but is too embarrassed by the constraints of today's society to break free and let the world know of his hidden desires? (Ummmm. the editorial staff will go ahead and answer this one with a "NO". we take no responsibility for what the writer is typing. he forgot his coffee creamer this morning so he's a bit "off" today.) and other burning questions on "As the Hairy Cankles Turn"
(cue cheesy music. fade music down)
Fade up into Jeezus's living room. Jeezus is still brushing his hair, and is now on the phone.
JEEZUS: .but this IS and emergency. I have split ends (cue dramatic music).
KBO: (rolling eyes) You didn't whine this much over that groin pull.
JEEZUS: (into the phone) Are you nuts??? My hair would poof up like a Macy Day Parade Balloon version of Dudley Dew Right. or worse. like Delta Burke at the Entenmanns' Convention! (pause to listen) No KRyStahl... I'm going for full bodied and bouncy... not Jersey girl tease! *huff*
KBO: You know. I'm supposed to be the voice of reason in this scene, but I don't think anything I say would even put a dent in your hysterics. you're on your own bud.
****Cut scene
We enter Spinner's Diner to find Spinner microwaving various frozen dinners.
SPINNER: As long as that muttonhead can keep his retard mouth shut, I can get away with this and destroy D, AGAIN. (evil laugh)
(c-bring runs in all discombobulated and bouncing. a schmeggeggle of drool is flapping around on the corner of his mouth)
CBRING: Heee hee (heavy breathing) I deed eet mastuh, I deed eet
SPINNER: What the fuck are you talking about you idiot?
CBRING: I deed eet, I deed eet. I deed eet mastuh
SPINNER: Uhhh. you said that. now explain what the fuck you are talking about before I whip your sorry ass with the rubber hose. AGAIN!
CBRING: Thee Eetal-yuns. I finddeed thar seecreet. Theyz yoosin Chef Boyardi for theee compu-tition. they are cheeeting like you.. I have dee proof
SPINNER: IF YOU MENTION THE FROZEN DINNERS TO ANYONE. I swear to Jeezus's dad that I will grab your bulging nut sack and stretch it out to here. then wrap it around your neck and choke you with it.
CBRING: Sorry Mastuh. but I findeded the prooooof that the Eetal-yuns are cheething.
SPINNER: Well hand it over you drunken drooling fuck cunt.
(cue dramatic music. fade to commercial)
(commercial break)
(end commercial break)
(D's Kitchen. Pat the Webhead is hogged tied and hanging upside down from the ceiling.)
D: Now it's not that I want to destroy her. I just want to find out her secret. How does she beat me every time. For Christ sakes, for the burrito competition three years ago I imported some people from Mexico to cook these damn things and some how she pulled some trick out her ass to beat me.
PAT: (Still with ball gag in his mouth) Mmmmbbbllllphmmnnn KKkkkccccchhschhsck
D: Oh shut up! I tried using MSG already. it didn't work. Gawd you are so stoopit. Maybe if I visited the Oracle, she could give me some advice. I mean. not that she can cook. you tried those fritter things she made last year at Christmas. BLECH. but maybe she can look into the future and see some way of beating that Spinner!
(dramatic music)
*** Cut scene
CPK: Fuckity fuckl fuck fuckin fuck fuck fuck
NOS: Yes, I agree. I looked in these old Latin books to see if there was something about the SoopDragon. Good thing you speak Latin fluently. I was having trouble with that one part. Anyway. The way I see it, every creature out there has a weakness. It is the way nature is designed. Nature is flawed. Take humans for example. Humans are in all comparison, frail creatures and it is amazing that we ended up on the top of the food chain. Opposable thumbs or not, most of the critters out there can kick are asses in a one on one battle. It fascinates me that the everything that really kills humans are all self inflicted. For instance. I smoke, I like to smoke. I like the way it feels in my lungs when I inhale. I also know that it will kill me. But this world has my mind so incredibly fucked up that I don't care enough about living out my life for a long time to give up the few moments of joy I get out of puffing on a cigarette. Then again, if I had the opportunity to live forever, I don't think I would because too many people on this world are so incredibly fucked up that I would want to constantly choke the shit out of them.
CPK: (staring blankly and drooling) Uuuuhmmmmm. Huh?
(Puffy enters the room)
PUFFY: Would both of you shut the fuck up. We have a Jihad to plan here and all you two can do is wax intellectual about the fate of man while the other goes into a teretic cussing fit. Now, call the Columbians and work on getting some of the soldiers in place.
CPK: Who the fuck put her in charge?
NOS: Who the fuck let her in here?
TYLER DURDEN: Who the fuck took my weed?
BEASTIE GIRL: (from the kitchen) Who the fuck ate all the Doritos???
CPK: WHOA. what the fuck just happened here?
NOS: Fuck this. I'm outta here. HEY. YOU. yeah you. the stupid fuck writing this piece of shit. could you. I dunno. give me a cool dramatic ending?
Sure!
NOS: Thanks
(Nos rises up off the ground and high into the air. his body begins to glow bright white and explodes.. the explosion can be seen all over the east coast of the United States.)
(commercial break) (end commercial break)
Missy's kitchen
MISSY: DAMMNIT. DAMN DAMN DAMN!
CROWD: What now?
MISSY: The stoopit yolk thingie keeps breaking.
CROWD: Did you use oil?
MISSY: Oil??? (blank stare)
CROWD: Oh gawd. you're kidding right? How did you get to be a master chef?
MISSY: (giggling) I have Noooooo idea. besides. you're the moron writing this, you should be able to answer that question.
CROWD: Ummm. I'm just a character in this like you. Stay focused.
MISSY: What if I just made pudding?
CROWD: If you can't cook an egg, I doubt that you could master pudding.
MISSY: (goes to fridge and pulls out Jell-O brand pudding single from a pack of six and peels the aluminum foil top) See. all done.
CROWD: I doubt that will qualify as a great dish for the competition at the party that is but three months away.
MISSY: Well. I heard that everyone else was cheating. why should I have to cook?
(meanwhile in the Throne Room)
FU: AAAAAAAAAahahahahahahahahaa hee hee *hic* haahahahahaahaaa.
(The part of Hot Chick in French Maid Outfit is played by Jenny McCarthy cause it has been a while since she actually had a paying gig and she'd probably work cheap. I heard she didn't make much off of Basketball)
HOT CHICK IN FRENCH MAID OUTFIT: What is it master?
FU: Ohhh. nothing. I just amuuuuuuse myself sometimes.
HOT CHICK IN FRENCH MAID OUTFIT: Do you want to continue waiting or should I go get her?
FU: We can wait a moment longer.
(Hot Italian Broad enters room - The part of Hot Italian Broad is being played by Monica Belucci.. Yummy!)
HOT ITALIAN BROAD: I'm sorry I'm late King FU... I was busy oiling up my legs... should I take my top off and bend over your knee for my punishment?
FU: YEEEEESsssss!
(commercial break)
(end commercial)
Little Little Italy
RJ: Well, I figured out what that noise was.
JOEY: Punganoon, foogazzi, Burelli, Moochanini
TTONY: Would you stop dat already.
JOEY: Sorry. I just get into my cooking.
TTONY: Well. Dumbledorf. what da hell wuzzit?
RJ: Well. I went through the videotape of the surveillance cameras that I had set up without you guys knowing so I could look down the blouses of any of the chicks that came to see Joey. and well. here. take a look.
TTONY: What da hell is dat ting?
JOEY: AAAAAAAAAHAHAAHAAA. It's a circus midget!!!
TTONY: Whut da hell is on his back?
JOEY: AAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAA. a circus midget with a hump.
RJ: I can enhance it so we can see the face better.
TTONY: Holy CHRIST dat ting is ugly! It's like a troll wit two o'clock shadow.
JOEY: AAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHAHA a humped back badly shaven circus midget with a limp. Now THAT's funny!
RJ: Hey guys. doesn't he look familiar?
TTONY: Reminds me oh you muddah! HA. Hey Joey, Ja hear whud I says, He says, "Hey guys. doesn't he look familiar?" so I says, "Reminds me oh you muddah!"
JOEY: Hey wait. isn't that Spinner's little punchy boy manservant?
(*Author's note. Joey was originally going to say that C-Bring was spinner's little Bitch, however since Dave is Spinner's Bitch "Little Punchy Boy Man Servant" was substituted in order to avoid confusion. -- Ed.)
RJ: Oh my god. do you think he saw anything?
TTONY: I want dis fucka dead
RJ: But his mom is friends with my mom. my mom was a nurse at the Looney Bin that his mother was an inmat. errr. patient at.
TTONY: You find dis fuck... and you whack da rat bastid! I don't care who his muddah is!
**Cut scene
Meanwhile. on the Space Station
DARTH: . but can you put Sullivan's head in the place where a donkey's ass is. oh. better yet. have the Donkey shitting Sullivan out.
BATONRUDE: Anything you need, master.
DARTH: Just thinking about being the Dark Lord of the universe is making me all giddy. my nipples are hard. I feel just like a little girl. tee hee
BATONRUDE: Yes, Master.
(and in the lobby)
EKG: MMmmmmmmm... Now could you pick those thingies up over there!
(commercial break) (end commercial)
LILBIT: Stir the pot while the stew is hot because if not the broth will clot and become very stiff much like the joints of a robot and to get past that you have to work. A LOT and though the others are cheating, they'll surely get caught Oh. Oh. can we add the Okra I bought?
SOUTHERNGIRL: You. are. NOT. MY. SISTER
(and back at the HotPants Kitchen)
RHOADRUNNER: Honey, could you hand me that thermometer?
HOTPANTS: I can't, I just painted my nails!
RHOADRUNNER: Oh come on. YOU. yeah you. can't you do something about this. I dunno, maybe write in here that she actually does some cooking? Or at least make it Shannon and Paul's kitchen.
(and George walks in from the backyard wearing nothing but a towel around his neck)
RHOADRUNNER: OK OK OK. damnit man. This just sucks.
(and George goes back outside)
(and High atop the Four Building)
LOONE2N: whatchamakinwhatchamakinwhatchamakin huh huh huh huh huh caniseecanisee huh huh huh?
SYNCH: It's Meat.
COOLGRLJEN: I'll see you guys later I gotta run.
LOONE2N: WhereyagoinWhereyagoinWhereyagoin huh huh huh huh huh Whereyagoin
COOLGRLJEN: I'm going down to the Pizza place. the writer is supposed to have a really HOT-DUH guy waiting for me there.
(RockstarMike falls down and goes into a coma)
(*Note from Editor. The character of RockStarMike is being placed into a coma because he is gone. We here at piss poor entertainment didn't feel it would be nice to kill him off directly in case he came back and then we'd be all in a quandary and have to make something stupid up like a twin brother that was the real RockStarMike and that this first guy was just an impersonator. -- Ed.)
(and in a dark Place somewhere)
ISOL8D: (hard at work folding a piece of paper) a few more folds and my Origami stealth bomber will be completed.. the time is at hand. Enjoy your party Mr. Fu. It will be your last. BWAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA
(cue cool ass echo effect thing)
(and in the Dark Fire Cage. errr. Cave. Freudian slip there. disregard,)
FIRESITE: You take that back. I do not look like Redman.
DARKONE: Yes you do. here, look at this picture.
FIRESITE: You burn that picture now, or I will kill you!
DARKONE: OK. but I have like. I dunno. a thousand copies at home.
(Redman starts rolling down the ramp into the Dark Fire Cave and his Maga- mega Tron scooter flips over and he goes tumbling down the ramp)
DARKONE AND FIRESITE: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAA
(Meanwhile at the Jaffe Salad Productions Headquarters)
JEN: How's it going dear?
JAFFE: Well. I just got off the phone with them. they're coming over in a bit.
JEN: Cool, want me to pick up anything at the store?
JAFFE: Nah. I think we have enough artificial cheese flavored snacks in the cupboard.
JEN: So what are you thinking?
JAFFE: That I am the greatest gift the supreme beings were kind enough to bestow on this mudhole.
JEN: I meant about this situation.
JAFFE: Oh. I think they'll be able to help out. It could get a bit ugly. but in the end. the world will be a brand new place.
JEN: Well. sunshine. they're here!
(cue dramatic "Who's coming up the sidewalk" music and fade to black)
CHEESY ANNOUNCER GUY: Tune in next time to find out: who Jaffe has enlisted the aide from? who Isol8d is talking to? will ekg get her rocks off? Are littleBit and SouthernGirl really sisters? Why wasn't ________ included in the story? (Give me a break. I just started for christ's sake) Is Fu the luckiest horniest guy in the world or what? Does Paul secretly want to get with George but is too embarrassed by the constraints of today's society to break free and let the world know of his hidden desires? (Ummmm. the editorial staff will go ahead and answer this one with a "NO". we take no responsibility for what the writer is typing. he forgot his coffee creamer this morning so he's a bit "off" today.) and other burning questions on "As the Hairy Cankles Turn"