This Old Man…LOTR Style!
By Charles Xavier
This Saruman,
He played one.
He played knick-knack on Wormtongue.
With a knick-knack,
Paddy-whack,
Give Frodo a bone!
This young hobbit left his home!
This Aragorn,
He played two.
He played knick-knack on Arwen's boobs.
With a knick-knack,
Paddy-whack,
Give Frodo a bone!
This young hobbit left his home!
This Pippin,
He played three.
He played knick-knack on Merry.
With a knick-knack,
Paddy-whack,
Give Frodo a bone!
This young hobbit left his home!
This Bilbo,
He played four.
He played knick-knack on the dragon Smaug.
With a knick-knack,
Paddy-whack,
Give Frodo a bone!
This young hobbit left his home!
This Gimli,
He played five.
He played knick-knack on Uruk-Hais.
With a knick-knack,
Paddy-whack,
Give Frodo a bone!
This young hobbit left his home!
This Gandalf,
He played six.
He played knick-knack with his stick.
With a knick-knack,
Paddy-whack,
Give Frodo a bone!
This young hobbit left his home!
This Eowyn,
She played seven.
She played knick-knack on Theoden.
With a knick-knack,
Paddy-whack,
Give Frodo a bone!
This young hobbit left his home!
This Samwise,
He played eight.
He played knick-knack on his plates.
With a knick-knack,
Paddy-whack,
Give Frodo a bone!
This young hobbit left his home!
This Legolas,
He played nine.
He played knick-knack in the Moria Mines.
With a knick-knack,
Paddy-whack,
Give Frodo a bone!
This young hobbit left his home!
This Bombadil,
He played ten.
He played knick-knack on the Ents.
With a knick-knack,
Paddy-whack,
Give Frodo a bone!
This young hobbit left his home!
This Sauron,
He played eleven.
He played knick-knack on Gollum.
With a knick-knack,
Paddy-whack,
Give Frodo a bone!
This young hobbit left his home!
This Galadriel,
She played twelve.
She played knick-knack on the elves.
With a knick-knack,
Paddy-whack,
Give Frodo a bone!
This young hobbit left his home!
(Frodo, now fed up with Tolkien's song, sings his own verse)
This Frodo,
He played thirteen.
He played knick-knack on Mr. Tolkien.
With a knick-knack,
Paddy-whack,
Whack him on the head!
This old man will soon be dead!