As the Hairy Cankle Turns
Part 17
Season 2 Episode 4
To Slay a Dragon
Open directly into an action sequence... LilShyOne and Psycho are tossed across the rocky opening. Jimmy Nexus ducks just as a huge scaly tail swings by, but is smacked as the tail swings back.
Chuck is cornered as a slimy snout is barely visible. Smoke puffs out of the nostrils as it snorts, getting closer and closer to Chuck.
Shifty Jumps on the back of the neck and screams, "How we spose to stop this thing?"
FREEZE FRAME
Jimmy Nexus (VO): You might be wondering how we got to this point. I was asking myself, WHY we got to this point. And until a few minutes ago... I thought all that stuff about Dragons was bullshit.
***FlashBack***
In a plane soaring high above a mountain range, just below the clouds...
PSYCHO: ...but why does it have to be the Gimp-Mobile and the Gimp-Jet and on and on.
USELESSLEGS: Because I was the first born... dumbass.
SHIFTY (from the pilot seat): I don't care what it's called as long as I get to fly this sum-bitch!
LILSHYONE: Do you think this SoopDragon is as disgusting and as horrible as they say?
NEXUS: I doubt the fucker even exists. I think Jaffe has lost his damn mind.
USELESSLEGS: Yeah, but he's a rich fucker who lost his mind... HOOFA! Which means...
ALL TOGETHER: PAY DIRT!
USELESSLEGS: Damn Skippy!
PSYCHO: Hey... We got any more Pringles back there?
LILSHYONE: You ate them all... but we do have that
(LARGE THUD and the entire plane shakes)
SHIFTY: Ah shit... strap in folks... I think what we were looking for... just found us.
LARGE THUD... Plane shakes.
NEXUS: Dammit... that sumbitch must be huge.
USELESSLEGS: I think I just filled my pants.
LILSHYONE (screaming): Somebody do something!!!
PSYCHO: Nah... seriously... guys... If you got some Pringles up there pass'em back.
LARGE THUD... plane shakes. Sounds of engine whining
SHIFTY: Well, boss... looks like we just got a new shit heap of trouble handed to us.
USELESSLEGS: Let me try to use my telepathic powers to steady the plane.
SHIFTY: Dude... (laughing under his breath) You don't have telepathic powers.
USELESSLEGS: Yes-Huh! The other day when I was taking a shit, I looked over at the toothbrush on the counter and I swear... I swear to you that, that son of a bitch moved almost a sixteenth of an inch.
SHIFTY: Bullshit!
USELESSLEGS: Bet me fucker!
SHIFTY: Oh right... How are you gonna prove it?
USELESSLEGS: I'll stop the plane from crashing using my mind.
SHIFTY: Stop fucking around... (EXPLOSION) Shit... that was out last engine... If you can get that fucking over sized moon rock to do some magic... now would be the time.
(Plane spins out of control and begins falling)
PSYCHO: Fuck... just pass the Doritos then.
(Everyone else has fear on their face as shifty tries to land safely. Chuck looks like he is concentrating on a small pebble on the floor)
Everything stops and it is dead silent. Shifty is frozen in place. Everyone has their eyes slammed shut.
NEXUS: Holy Shit, we're alive. Nice Job Joe.
SHIFTY: Wasn't me... I was too busy crashing.
USELESSLEGS: AHA! See fuckers... I told you!
SHIFTY: Oh shut up! You had nothing to do with it.
NEXUS: Yeah, Chuck... we're stuck in a tree.
PSYCHO: Do we have any nacho cheese left?
USELESSLEGS: My great mental powers steered us to the top of this tree to land safely until...
(Tree branches crackle and the ship begins to plummet to the earth)
...ooooooooooooooooooooooooooh shit!
(The ship lands in a mud bog with a nice SPALOOOOOOSH!)
SHIFTY: WOooooooooooooooooooo... Dammit that was AWESOME! I'ma gonna have to do this again sometime.
USELESSLEGS: Heee hee... that was pretty cool... I think I just peed myself.
NEXUS: That was cool.
LILSHYONE: Uh, guys, not trying to ruin the celebration or anything... but... I think we have company.
PSYCHO: Can we go kill this thing now so we can go...
(Large roaring from outside the plane...the outer wall is ripped away to reveal a hideous creature.)
SHIFTY: It's showtime!
USELESSLEGS: Ok, people... this ain't no drill... hit'em with all you got.
(The team bursts out of the new opening in the plane and goes in for the kill.)
LilShyOne and Psycho are tossed across the rocky opening. Jimmy Nexus ducks just as a huge scaly tail swings by, but is smacked as the tail swings back.
Chuck is cornered as a slimy snout is barely visible. Smoke puffs out of the nostrils as it snorts, getting closer and closer to Chuck.
SHIFTY: How we spose to stop this thing?
LILSHYONE: Shifty... take off your watch!
(Shifty leans over and clicks the latch with his chin, still holding onto the dragons neck)
USELESSLEGS: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO... Don't do it!
(Slow Motion Sequence... Shifty's watch unlatches and falls toward the ground... Chuck shouts in slow motion weird sounding "Nooooooooooooooo!" Lightening crashes, thunder rolls... and the thunder rolls {Fuck Garth Brookes} Shifty's hands instantly turn to pure granite fists)
PSYCHO: Oh hell
LILSHYONE: Uh oh
Shifty screams in intense pain and begins to pummel the dragon. The dragon turns away from Chuck and faces Shifty. The dragon's breath is warm and musky. It smells like someone took a hot steamy shit in a Port-O-Let and let it sit for three or four days in the warm Florida Sun.
CHUCK: Everyone... attack now!
Lilshyone runs full force into the rib cage of the beast knocking it off balance as Shifty continues to punch its hideous face. Nexus whips out his cock and starts yanking for all he's worth, spraying toxic cock juice all over the legs of the beast. Chuck whips down his pants and begins pissing on the dragon's tail.
CHUCK: Psycho... attack the creature now.
PSYCHO: Hell no... that thing smells like shit. I'll eat almost anything... but I ain't putting that thing anywhere near my mouth.
CHUCK: Do it now or we're all gonna die.
PSYCHO: You know... sometimes... I really hate you
Psycho grabbed one of the from claws of the beast and slowly raised it to his mouth. As he goes to bite, the dragon is distracted and looks at Psycho. As he lowers his chin Shifty nails him square between the eyes shattering it's skull. The dragon falls to the ground in a sloppy smelly heap.
PSYCHO: Thank god.
LILSHYONE: Here Shifty, Here's your watch.
Shifty puts his watch back on as his hands transform back to normal.
NEXUS: Well... I'm no medical doctor... but I'd say the fucker is pretty dead.
SHIFTY: Then cut it open and grab it's heart so we can go get paid.
LILSHYONE: Only one thing...
SHIFTY: What's that?
LILSHYONE: That's not SoopDragon
SHIFTY: What???
CHUCK: She's right. This... this foul creature is the Brother of Murrrr. This is Bou the PoopDragon. A creature that is 98% feces.
PSYCHO: And you wanted me to eat that? Screw you... I'm outa here!
NEXUS: You cracked his skull wide open Shifty.
LILSHYONE: Ewww... what's that white stuff oozing out.
SHIFTY: Damn... looks like a bulldog eating mayonaise.
CHUCK: Or CorkBoard Gel!!! HOOOOFA!
(Fade to black)
Part 17
Season 2 Episode 4
To Slay a Dragon
Open directly into an action sequence... LilShyOne and Psycho are tossed across the rocky opening. Jimmy Nexus ducks just as a huge scaly tail swings by, but is smacked as the tail swings back.
Chuck is cornered as a slimy snout is barely visible. Smoke puffs out of the nostrils as it snorts, getting closer and closer to Chuck.
Shifty Jumps on the back of the neck and screams, "How we spose to stop this thing?"
FREEZE FRAME
Jimmy Nexus (VO): You might be wondering how we got to this point. I was asking myself, WHY we got to this point. And until a few minutes ago... I thought all that stuff about Dragons was bullshit.
***FlashBack***
In a plane soaring high above a mountain range, just below the clouds...
PSYCHO: ...but why does it have to be the Gimp-Mobile and the Gimp-Jet and on and on.
USELESSLEGS: Because I was the first born... dumbass.
SHIFTY (from the pilot seat): I don't care what it's called as long as I get to fly this sum-bitch!
LILSHYONE: Do you think this SoopDragon is as disgusting and as horrible as they say?
NEXUS: I doubt the fucker even exists. I think Jaffe has lost his damn mind.
USELESSLEGS: Yeah, but he's a rich fucker who lost his mind... HOOFA! Which means...
ALL TOGETHER: PAY DIRT!
USELESSLEGS: Damn Skippy!
PSYCHO: Hey... We got any more Pringles back there?
LILSHYONE: You ate them all... but we do have that
(LARGE THUD and the entire plane shakes)
SHIFTY: Ah shit... strap in folks... I think what we were looking for... just found us.
LARGE THUD... Plane shakes.
NEXUS: Dammit... that sumbitch must be huge.
USELESSLEGS: I think I just filled my pants.
LILSHYONE (screaming): Somebody do something!!!
PSYCHO: Nah... seriously... guys... If you got some Pringles up there pass'em back.
LARGE THUD... plane shakes. Sounds of engine whining
SHIFTY: Well, boss... looks like we just got a new shit heap of trouble handed to us.
USELESSLEGS: Let me try to use my telepathic powers to steady the plane.
SHIFTY: Dude... (laughing under his breath) You don't have telepathic powers.
USELESSLEGS: Yes-Huh! The other day when I was taking a shit, I looked over at the toothbrush on the counter and I swear... I swear to you that, that son of a bitch moved almost a sixteenth of an inch.
SHIFTY: Bullshit!
USELESSLEGS: Bet me fucker!
SHIFTY: Oh right... How are you gonna prove it?
USELESSLEGS: I'll stop the plane from crashing using my mind.
SHIFTY: Stop fucking around... (EXPLOSION) Shit... that was out last engine... If you can get that fucking over sized moon rock to do some magic... now would be the time.
(Plane spins out of control and begins falling)
PSYCHO: Fuck... just pass the Doritos then.
(Everyone else has fear on their face as shifty tries to land safely. Chuck looks like he is concentrating on a small pebble on the floor)
Everything stops and it is dead silent. Shifty is frozen in place. Everyone has their eyes slammed shut.
NEXUS: Holy Shit, we're alive. Nice Job Joe.
SHIFTY: Wasn't me... I was too busy crashing.
USELESSLEGS: AHA! See fuckers... I told you!
SHIFTY: Oh shut up! You had nothing to do with it.
NEXUS: Yeah, Chuck... we're stuck in a tree.
PSYCHO: Do we have any nacho cheese left?
USELESSLEGS: My great mental powers steered us to the top of this tree to land safely until...
(Tree branches crackle and the ship begins to plummet to the earth)
...ooooooooooooooooooooooooooh shit!
(The ship lands in a mud bog with a nice SPALOOOOOOSH!)
SHIFTY: WOooooooooooooooooooo... Dammit that was AWESOME! I'ma gonna have to do this again sometime.
USELESSLEGS: Heee hee... that was pretty cool... I think I just peed myself.
NEXUS: That was cool.
LILSHYONE: Uh, guys, not trying to ruin the celebration or anything... but... I think we have company.
PSYCHO: Can we go kill this thing now so we can go...
(Large roaring from outside the plane...the outer wall is ripped away to reveal a hideous creature.)
SHIFTY: It's showtime!
USELESSLEGS: Ok, people... this ain't no drill... hit'em with all you got.
(The team bursts out of the new opening in the plane and goes in for the kill.)
LilShyOne and Psycho are tossed across the rocky opening. Jimmy Nexus ducks just as a huge scaly tail swings by, but is smacked as the tail swings back.
Chuck is cornered as a slimy snout is barely visible. Smoke puffs out of the nostrils as it snorts, getting closer and closer to Chuck.
SHIFTY: How we spose to stop this thing?
LILSHYONE: Shifty... take off your watch!
(Shifty leans over and clicks the latch with his chin, still holding onto the dragons neck)
USELESSLEGS: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO... Don't do it!
(Slow Motion Sequence... Shifty's watch unlatches and falls toward the ground... Chuck shouts in slow motion weird sounding "Nooooooooooooooo!" Lightening crashes, thunder rolls... and the thunder rolls {Fuck Garth Brookes} Shifty's hands instantly turn to pure granite fists)
PSYCHO: Oh hell
LILSHYONE: Uh oh
Shifty screams in intense pain and begins to pummel the dragon. The dragon turns away from Chuck and faces Shifty. The dragon's breath is warm and musky. It smells like someone took a hot steamy shit in a Port-O-Let and let it sit for three or four days in the warm Florida Sun.
CHUCK: Everyone... attack now!
Lilshyone runs full force into the rib cage of the beast knocking it off balance as Shifty continues to punch its hideous face. Nexus whips out his cock and starts yanking for all he's worth, spraying toxic cock juice all over the legs of the beast. Chuck whips down his pants and begins pissing on the dragon's tail.
CHUCK: Psycho... attack the creature now.
PSYCHO: Hell no... that thing smells like shit. I'll eat almost anything... but I ain't putting that thing anywhere near my mouth.
CHUCK: Do it now or we're all gonna die.
PSYCHO: You know... sometimes... I really hate you
Psycho grabbed one of the from claws of the beast and slowly raised it to his mouth. As he goes to bite, the dragon is distracted and looks at Psycho. As he lowers his chin Shifty nails him square between the eyes shattering it's skull. The dragon falls to the ground in a sloppy smelly heap.
PSYCHO: Thank god.
LILSHYONE: Here Shifty, Here's your watch.
Shifty puts his watch back on as his hands transform back to normal.
NEXUS: Well... I'm no medical doctor... but I'd say the fucker is pretty dead.
SHIFTY: Then cut it open and grab it's heart so we can go get paid.
LILSHYONE: Only one thing...
SHIFTY: What's that?
LILSHYONE: That's not SoopDragon
SHIFTY: What???
CHUCK: She's right. This... this foul creature is the Brother of Murrrr. This is Bou the PoopDragon. A creature that is 98% feces.
PSYCHO: And you wanted me to eat that? Screw you... I'm outa here!
NEXUS: You cracked his skull wide open Shifty.
LILSHYONE: Ewww... what's that white stuff oozing out.
SHIFTY: Damn... looks like a bulldog eating mayonaise.
CHUCK: Or CorkBoard Gel!!! HOOOOFA!
(Fade to black)