CHAPTER 2. That's right. You CAN read! Isn't anyone excited? No? Me neither. Even I don't have any idea what I'm talking about. Well, then moving on........
So, the Fellowship (or what I remember of it) left the place with lots of trees where the homosexual Elves... I MEAN lovely race liveded ....Er.......lived.

Don't ask me exactly HOW Gollum got into the river and what he exactly was doing down there. He was probably trying to get a "hold" (Hehehe) on Pippin, being the sexiest Hobbit alive....I MEAN he was following the Fellowship for the Ring!! ::looks around innocently::.

Ok. So, Gollum managed to get aboard Boromir's boat, which had Pippin and Merry on it, while everyone was looking up at the Argonath. And that little whore started making out with Pippin.

Then Alyssa magically appeared in that boat. That's right, folks. The human form of ME teleported into that boat.

I grabbed...I MEAN Alyssa grabbed them both and tossed them off while Merry was just staring. Boromir, however, was staring straight ahead thinking about the best way to kill Frodo and take the Ring from him.

Then Alyssa teleported back to her house, never to be seen in Middle-earth again. Aragorn witnessed this. Yep, the guy who shaves his head on a rock actually was paying attention.

Aragorn: "Holy SHIT! (that's Mr. Hankey!!) That shitty looking piece of shitty shit shittedly looked exactly like you!" (he said that to Kelrod)

Kelrod: "Shut up, pimp." Kelrod took out her sword and Aragorn shut up. Then the sword disappeared because she really didn't have one.

Then they all get out of the boats. (with the exception of Pippin and Gollum, of course). THEN THE SQUIRRELS RAINED DOWN UPON THEM!!! I MEAN...nothing happened. ::slinks down in chair trying not to be noticed::

Then Gimli died. He died because I wanted him to die. Was he even in the Fellowship to begin with in this story? Oh well. The imaginary Gimli got annoying.

Let's see.........the dead ones are Gimli, Pippin, Gollum ::sniff::, Gandalf, and Figwit.

Just then, a squirrel jumps out from nowhere as the Fellow-shit I MEAN Fellowship! Started to step off the boats. It landed on Aragorn's head. He tried to shake it off, then threatened to shave on it, and then the squirrel died.

Renee the-not-so-fair-to-look-upon: "Pooor Squirrel. Poor Master."

Kelrod: "I'M NOT MASTER IN THIS STORY!"

Renee-the-not-so-fair-to-look-upon: "Shit."

Then Boromir tried to kill Frodo yada yada yada. Skip that unimportant crap.

Then Frodo got away! Was Boromir in the Fellowship in the beginning? Aw, fuck it. I MEAN let's forget about him.

Quoteed Santa Clause: "I just couldn't let him live! He shocked Santa's balls!"

Sorry, random thought. So then Merry tries to follow Frodo, but he ends up drowning. Also, Legolas gets picked up by the Uruk-hai being mistaken for a Halfling (the pointy ears, get it?).

Then since people actually CARED about Leggie, Aragorn, Kelrod, and Renee- the-not-so-fair-to-look-upon decided to rescue him. You could tell it was all Renee's idea. Or was it?

Then, Jaime the Gwalieth (don't ask what a gwalieth is), suddenly appeared (she was the leader of the monkeys, just to let you know).

Kelrod: "THE MONKEYS AND FERCERNS HAVE UNITED!"

Aragorn: "What the hell in the name of Mr. Hankey, the one and only holy shit, is a Fercern?"

Kelrod: "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh................ don't ask.

Renee the-not-so-fair-to-look-upon: "The pooooor squirrel. I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS ARAGORN!"

::Aragorn kills Renee with sword::

::Kelrod secretly celebrates::

So, Jaime replaces Renee, the now Renee-the VERY-not so fair to look upon, and what is left of my version of the Fellowship follows Leggie, completely forgetting about that SON OF A BASTARD......I MEAN adorable little fucking Hobbit, Frodo.

Will Renee-the-now-VERY-not-so-fair-to-look-upon become Renee the Red?

Will what is left of the Fellowship remember anything about Frodo and destroying THAT FUCKING ERU DAMNED.....I MEAN evil Ring?

And what in the name of hell is Jaime doing in my story????

FIND OUT NEVER, because I'm going straight to my version of The Two Towers.