Sins of the Great-grandmothers
Chapter Two
By Ron Hino


Ranma 1/2 is the creation of Rumiko Takahashi. She has made lots and lots of money off it, and I'm not making a penny. Damn shame too.

________________________________________________________________________________


Ranma sighed as he sat at the small table he'd borrowed and brought up to his room for some privacy. He had to write letters to all his other fiancées to explain why he was leaving for China with Shampoo. Unfortunately, he found himself as lost for words as when he spoke to them in person. It didn't help that he pretty much sucked at anything that involved holding a writing implement in his hands. His grades in school were terrible, and he knew it.

He had three letters to write; one to Akane, one to Ukyou, and yes, even one to Kodachi. He supposed he could write goodbye letters to his father and Kasumi, but they could just as easily read the one he'd give to Akane. He'd have to remember to thank Kasumi for taking care of him all this time in Akane's letter. Wouldn't do to forget that. He owed the older Tendou sister too much.

Hang on. There was one more person he wanted to say goodbye to. Maybe he should start with that one.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Mother,
This is the first time I've written you, and I'm sorry I've never done it before. My only excuse is that after growing up knowing only my father (who never mentioned you, the bastard!) I sort of forgot about you, and when I was older and did think about my mother (I was pretty sure I had to have one at some point) I assumed you were dead. I'm really sorry about all that, but I was only a kid, I didn't know to ask.
Only when you visited the Tendou's, where I've been staying, did I ever realize that I had a living mother. That made me very happy, even if I couldn't see you in person. I think I spent hours asking the girls every little thing about you.
This is also when I found out about the Seppuku pledge.
I... don't really know what to say about that, except that Pop's an idiot for ever promising such a thing. Be a man among men or never see my mother again, and kill myself if I do? It seems a high price to pay, and a difficult ideal to match. I am a man, and a great martial artist, but can I ever be good enough to match the dream of me you must have in your head? Cutting my belly open is a serious thing to risk if I in any way fall short of your expectations.
I don't mean to sound accusing. I really don't blame you for that stupid promise. It was Pop's dumb idea, and he's had a lot of dumb ideas over the years. Maybe I should tell you some of them.
I think you know about this already, but way back when I was a baby, or even before that, I'm not sure, Pop and Mr. Tendou decided to engage their children so that the two schools of Anything Goes Martial Arts would be forever joined in matrimony. I often wonder how much they were drinking when they came up with this. I was 16 when that fat idiot (Pop, I mean. I don't know if he was thin back when he lived with you) suddenly up and tells me that I'm engaged to this girl I've never met, two blocks from their house no less! You can believe I wasn't happy about this. He actually had to knock me out cold and carry me all the way to the Tendou place.
Akane wasn't too thrilled with the idea either, and we've been fighting and arguing since the first day we met. Sometimes, just sometimes, I get the feeling that she likes me more than she lets on, but those times are few and far between. If we ever did get married, it would be a marriage with lots of yelling and screaming and insults and me being hit in the head by heavy objects.
I guess I shouldn't talk about her behind her back like this, so I'll just stop. I'm about to hurt her feelings, I think, so I should be nicer. I'll tell you about that in a minute.
Let's see, who showed up next? Oh right, Shampoo. Definitely gotta tell you about her. I'll have to go back a month or so before we arrived at the Tendou's and tell you how I first met her. Pop and me were wandering through China training and came upon this village deep in the mountains, called Nhu Che Zhu. It was a village of warrior women, and they were having a tournament. It was the first village we'd come across in a while, so we were starving. Pop sees this big table full of food and points it out to me, so we sit down and start stuffing our faces. Turns out this food was supposed to be the prize for the tournament winner. I guess this time it was as much my fault as Pop's, seeing how I sat down and started munching away without ever noticing the sign that said 'First Prize'. Anyway this cute girl with long purple hair wins the tournament and then looks over at her prize, to see

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ranma caught himself and vigorously scribbled over the words 'a girl and a panda', cursing himself for his stupidity. He spent some time making sure that the words were totally obscured, even turning the paper over to check that it couldn't be made out from the other side. Sighing, he continued.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

to see us eating it. She was understandably pissed off. So after getting a few translations from our guide, I offered to fight her for the championship. I figured if I won, then the food me and Pop ate was mine, right?
The girl, whose name I learned later was Shampoo (don't laugh, it was a weird village) was pretty good, but she'd been fighting all day and I'd seen most of her moves already by watching her. I knocked her off the log we were fighting on with one kick. As the referee was lifting up my hand (and boy, you never seen such a pissed-off audience in your life! NO ONE was happy to see an outsider win *their* tournament) Shampoo gets up and kisses me on the cheek. I was kinda surprised, so I just stood there. Then our guide freaks out and starts yelling about how this was the 'Kiss of Death' and how Shampoo just promised to chase me to the ends of the Earth and kill me. Now I knew I was better than her, but I'm not about to fight a girl to the death, no matter how good she is. Actually, I don't think I'd ever wanna fight anybody to the death. I'm just not that sort of guy. So we took off running instead.
After chasing us all across China, we eventually lost her when we left the country and came back to Japan. We didn't see her again for about a month, but she hadn't given up! After a lot more running around, things sort of sorted themselves out a bit and I found out that she really wanted to marry me instead of killing me. Apparently the guide goofed. What she gave me was the Kiss of Life, a pledge of marriage. They've got these weird laws in that village that say if a male outsider defeats an Amazon, she's gotta marry him. Something about bringing strong warrior bloodlines into the tribe, or something. Sure she was swinging weapons at me! She was ticked off that I'd basically run away and left her at the alter! She wanted to kick my ass as punishment, not kill me.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ranma paused and read that part over. It told the important parts, but it didn't give too much away. It would have to do. He couldn't afford to be more honest with his mother. It made him kind of sad.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once everybody was on the same page, however, she became this incredibly affectionate girl who was always hugging me and stuff. She didn't speak much Japanese, but she got her point across with a Japanese translation of her village laws and one heck of a kiss or two. Naturally, Akane got jealous as hell, and Shampoo tried to kill her ('obstacle to her marriage', she said). I stopped her of course, and nowadays, she's less quick to pull out the sharp things, but she's never given up on having me as her husband. Not even for a minute. She really is a nice girl, it's just that she throws herself completely into whatever she does, so she comes off as being a little crazy. I'm just starting to figure this out now. I misjudged her for a long time.
I guess that's more than enough to tell you about Shampoo, but I really think you should know who she is before I tell you about what's happening now. I'll get to that soon, I hope. This is becoming the longest letter I've ever written in my life, not that I write a lot.
I was supposed to be telling you about Pop being an idiot, so let me tell you about another stunt he pulled.
When I was six, we actually stayed in one place long enough for me to make a friend. Her name was Ukyou Kuonji, and she was the daughter of a guy who owned an Okonomiyaki cart. Because she was always dressed up in an Okonomiyaki seller's outfit, and because she was raised alone by her father and talked like he did, I never figured out that she was a girl. I thought she was a boy. She just sort of assumed I knew. We had great fun playing together, and Ucchan was the best friend I ever had. Still is, really.
Now, while we were off playing, Pops and Mr. Kunoji were talking about how well we got along. Mr. Kunoji says that he doesn't know a thing about girls, and that it's really hard to raise Ucchan all by himself. He was worried she'd turn out so much like a guy that she'd never find a husband. So he asks Pop if he'd consider engaging me to Ucchan and taking her along with us. Pop says sorry, but he's already arranged a marriage for me. Mr. Kuonji says that's too bad, because he was going to give away his Okonomiyaki cart as her dowry. Pop only thinks with his stomach (you must know, you married the idiot!) so he says he changed his mind and off we go with the Okonomiyaki cart and Ukyou. We'd barely gone a block when Pop sticks me on top of the cart and takes off with it running as fast as he can. Ucchan chased after us crying. He left her there in the gutter. A six year-old girl all by herself, who he'd promised to take care of, and the bastard just leaves her there!
Me? I was six. I had no clue what was going on. I just thought we were moving on again. I waved goodbye to Ucchan. I was so sad to be leaving my best and only friend, I think I was crying. I know Ucchan was. She tried to run after us but tripped and fell in the mud. That was the last I saw of her for a long time.
Ten years later, Ukyou shows up here in Nerima seeking revenge on us both, which was when I finally found out about this engagement deal Pop worked out behind my back. That was an ugly scene, especially since I still thought she was a boy (a boy with a very cute face mind you, but I don't think about such things). Turns out that she was so humiliated at being left in the gutter while her fiancé ran off with her dowry, that she gave up being a girl entirely. She bound her breasts down and dressed like a guy, all because of my stupid father.
Eventually I convinced her we could be friends again. I even told her that she was cute. You know, to help her regain confidence in her femininity again, or something like that. I might have been going overboard when I said I'd rather be engaged to a cute girl like her than an uncute tomboy like Akane (particularly since Akane was within earshot) but at least she stopped trying to kill me with that giant spatula of hers (don't ask). She kinda took that to mean that I wanted to marry her, so now I had three fiancées. That really wasn't what I had in mind, but considering how bad she took it when she was 'rejected' by Pop ten years earlier, I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't interested.
Over the next several months, I tried to be her best friend again, like when we were little. That worked out pretty good. I still call her Ucchan, and she calls me Ranchan. Unfortunately, she still really wants to marry me, and I just love having my best friend around again. She's a really good friend too, someone you can count on to be there for you no matter what. She opened a restaurant in Nerima called the Ucchan, and makes the best okonomiyaki I've ever tasted.
Now for the biggest mistake Pop's ever made, as if the rest weren't bad enough. When I was 8 years old, he read this training manual of forbidden techniques of the Anything Goes system. Having learned at least one of them myself, I can tell you that there's a damn good reason why they're forbidden! But does that occur to Pop for even a second? Hell no! He didn't even read the part of the manual that explained *why* the technique was banned!
He trained me in a technique called the Cat-fist. It's... really hard to write this down, I can't even think about it without shuddering, but I'll try. If my handwriting gets worse halfway through, it's because my hand's shaking too much.
The first step in the training manual is to dig a deep pit, and fill it with cats. Then you starve the cats for a few days. After that, you wrap the trainee in fish sausages, and throw him into the pit. Cover it up so that it's completely dark inside and there's no way for me... I mean for the trainee to escape.
The CatS cLAw and BiTe and ScartCH and teAR and_____
\
\
Sorry. Had to go lie down for a minute.
The idea is that if you throw the trainee into the pit enough times (he did it to me 6 times) the trainee automatically learns the Cat-fist, and I did. It really is a powerful technique, if you can make it work. There's also a side effect on the next page that Pop didn't bother to read. Ailurophobia: complete and totally uncontrollable fear of cats. They are the monsters in my nightmares. Have been since that day, and will be until I die.
Anyway, the way the technique works is that I have to be exposed to cats, without any way to escape (and believe me, given the choice I'll run screaming as far away from the horrible beasts as I can), until my fear grows so powerful that the only way to escape it is to become a cat myself. I go into a trance and act like a cat; fight like one too, which is the whole point. I don't remember a thing when I'm under, but Akane's told me about it. I ripped apart whole trees with razor-sharp claws formed from invisible ki, bounded about with enhanced speed, strength and agility; so in some ways, it really is a powerful technique. However, there's no way anyone can control what I do when I'm a cat, so it's really dangerous to any bystanders. The only way I can snap out of it is if someone I really trust calms me down. I take a little cat-nap on their lap and wake up normal.
I don't think anyone was surprise when my cat-self proved completely distrustful of Pop when he tried to bring me out of it. He's still got some scars.
Good.
Uh... It just occurred to me that having a fear like this might count as making me less manly. You don't think that, do you? I mean, I've got one hell of a good reason for it, and it's not like there's anything else I'm afraid of. I even used it *on purpose* once to win a match against an opponent I couldn't beat any other way. How's that for facing one's fears? Well... I guess all I can do is tell you and hope you understand.
There's lots of other things Pop's done. I think he sold me for food like he did to Ukyou's father about a half-dozen times (that I know of), and he continues to prove what an idiot he is on an almost daily basis.
About the only thing good I can say about him is that he taught me to be the best martial artist of my generation. I am fast, strong, agile, and I can learn new techniques and adapt to my opponent's strategy faster than anyone I know, and believe me, I know a lot of fighters. When you're the best, you don't have to go to them; they come to you.
There's one more, very important screw-up of Pop's that I'm afraid I can't tell you about. His recklessness earned me a... condition... while we were in China that calls into question whether or not I meet the standards of that Man-among-men seppuku pledge. It's a superficial thing, really, and most people who know me (and ALL of my fiancées) would agree that I am very much a man-among-men despite of it. However, at first glance, it doesn't leave a very good impression of my manliness. That's why I haven't come to see you. Pop won't let me. He's terrified that if you find out about this little thing then he'd be on his knees with a knife in his hand before he can talk his way out of it. Visit the Tendous as many times as you like. He'll vanish the second he hears your voice in order to avoid explaining himself. He usually drags me along too.
I don't really want to avoid you. In fact I hate it! I want to see my mother! I want her to see me! I want her to be proud of me, as I know she would be if she got the chance to really get to know me.
But I can't risk it. I'm sorry but I just can't. If it were just my own life, honor and happiness on the line, I could do it if I had to, but there are too many other people who would be hurt by my death. I have too many responsibilities to them, and debts of honor that I must fulfill. I just can't risk you not understanding, and invoking the seppuku pledge.
Please don't think that this means I hate you, or that I don't want to see you. I do, desperately, but unless I can somehow find a cure for my condition (which I repeat is all Pop's fault) I just can't risk it while the seppuku pledge still stands.
I'm sorry.
There's one more thing that has come up recently that I want to tell you about. Shampoo, the girl I mentioned earlier, to whom I am technically already married by the strange laws of her village, is dying. They say she has at best three years to live, probably less if we can't keep her thinking positively, and I'm going to spend the last of her time on this Earth together with her, as her true husband, in all they ways I can. I want her to be happy for the little time she has left, and that's something I can do.
Pop trained me to fight and didn't teach me much else. All these amazing skills I have, and all they do is hurt people. Deserving people, of course, or at least I try to keep it that way, but still all I seem to do is make people unhappy. Now I can make someone truly happy, for the first time in my life.
I'm marrying Shampoo for real and going to China to live with her in her village, for as long as she's alive. I won't be taking Pop with me, so he'll still be living at the Tendou's, not that you're likely to be able to catch him there. I can't tell you how he hides, but I can give you a small hint. The panda belongs to us, and we usually take it with us when we go on *real* training trips. So if the Panda's there, then Pop was there until recently, and will probably come back once you leave. I don't know what you can do with that information, but maybe it will help. I'm sorry I can't do more.
When Shampoo dies... I don't know exactly what I'm going to do. Will Ukyou, or even that tomboy Akane, wait for me that long? Will I even want to get married again after spending three years as Shampoo's husband?
I don't know. I really don't. When I write them their goodbye letters, which I'm going to try to after I finish this, I don't know what I should say; that I plan to come back to them, or if this is goodbye forever. Even if I do come back, I can only marry one of them, and hurt the other. So do I really want them to hang on to me while I spend three years married to another woman in another country? That could keep them from finding their own happiness, which I might never be able to give them.
I wish you were here to give me advice. I wish you'd been here with me my whole life. I could have used a mother very badly growing up, and I have a feeling you would have been a good one. My father is a liar, a cheat, a thief and an idiot. All that's good in me had to come from somewhere.
I love you Mom. I may not know you, and you may not know me, but I love you all the same. I'll try to send you more letters from China if I get the chance.
Farewell.
-Ranma
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ranma wiped away tears as he finished the letter, setting it aside. Guys shouldn't cry. He'd had to go back and rewrite parts a few times to explain things in a way that both made sense, and didn't give away his curse.

It was getting quite late, and he should probably go to sleep. The panda would be coming upstairs soon, and he'd want to know what Ranma was writing.

He hid the letter and lay down on his futon, trying to sleep. He could mail the letter tomorrow, once he looked up her address in a phone book. There was no need to save *this* letter until the last minute.

He'd write the other letters tomorrow.

***

The next morning, Ranma left early, claiming he had an errand to run before school. Nabiki and Akane were immediately suspicious (remember what Ranma's poker skills are like) but he was off and over the rooftops before they could get up from the breakfast table.

He went straight to the Nekohanten, to find Cologne out front perched on the very top of her staff, hanging up the cloth sign that indicated they were open for business. He helped her lift the other end. She nodded her thanks.

"Welcome Son-in-law. I had a feeling you'd drop by this morning. I even sent Mousse out on an errand so that he wouldn't make a nuisance of himself. We should have about another 20 minutes if you'd like to come in for a cup of tea, or even a breakfast ramen if you haven't eaten yet."

He smiled sadly at her. "No, old gh- er... I mean, Great-grandmother. I ate. But I'd like to talk to you privately for a bit if you don't mind."

The old woman chuckled. "Finally some manners out of you. Come on in."

Ranma sat down at a table waited while Cologne brought them both tea.

"So how's Shampoo?" He asked before she even sat down. She smiled. He was worried about her. That was promising.

"She's still sleeping. She got up last night, but felt sick to her stomach when she tried to move. She should be much better this morning, after giving her body more time to recover."

Ranma nodded, playing nervously with his teacup. "So have you told her yet?"

Cologne shook her head. "When she first woke up, she thought it had all been a dream. I told her that the spell hadn't worked properly, and that she would be fine by this morning."

Ranma snorted. "Yeah, it was a misfire, all right. She was aiming at you." He grumbled.

"Do you think, Son-in-law, that I am at all happy with that outcome? Do you believe that if there had been the slightest opportunity for me to move my Great-granddaughter out of the way, and take the blast myself, that I would not have?" She asked solemnly.

Ranma looked guiltily up at her. "Sorry. I just hate that this happened to Shampoo."

Cologne nodded. "I am old. I have lived a long and full life. And while there are a few things I would still like to see before I die, I would happily take Shampoo's place if I could. She is young. Her life is only just starting, or at least that's how it should be."

Ranma nodded. He felt his throat closing up with emotion. He gulped the rest of his tea to ease the feeling. "Let's talk about something else." He requested.

Cologne nodded. "Very well. I don't mean to press you, Son-in-law, but have you given any more thought to my recent request?"

Ranma smiled sadly. "Yeah, I have. In fact-"

"Aiya! Ranma come see Shampoo!" A gleeful cry came from the back stairs. Ranma stood up as a bouncing bundle of beautiful Amazon pounced on him in a full Amazon Glomp(tm).

He stood frozen for a moment as Shampoo nuzzled him, then he hesitantly put his arms around her.

Cologne raised an eyebrow, while Shampoo blinked in surprise.

"Ranma... Ranma hug Shampoo back?"

Ranma smiled gently. "Yeah, I am." He said, almost marveling at it himself. "I'm really happy that you're feeling better, Shampoo. How do you feel?"

Shampoo squeezed him excitedly. "Shampoo feel too too much better now that Airen come to see her. Shampoo good as new!"

"That's great!" Ranma grinned sincerely. "In that case, there's something important I have to tell you."

Shampoo released him and stood back a bit, smiling beautifully. This conversation had gotten of to an excellent start, with Ranma hugging her for the first time without the aid of hypnotism. She was certain that whatever he had to say *couldn't* be bad news!

Ranma reached forward and took both her hands in his. "Shampoo, I've been doing a lot of thinking. Yesterday, you almost died, and I've never been so scared in my life. I don't want to feel that way ever again. What I'm saying... is that I'd like to marry you, Shampoo. Not just by the laws of your homeland, but by the laws of mine, so that we both know it's real. Then I want to come back to your village and live with you. Is... is that alright with you Shampoo?"

There was a long pause, during which Ranma finally looked up from their joined hands, and saw that Shampoo's eyes had taken up 90% of her face. He big-sweated.

"Uh... Shampoo?"

Shampoo's eyes rolled up into the back of her head and she tipped backward like a felled tree.

"SHAMPOO!" Ranma cried in fear as he jumped forward and caught her before she could hit the floor. He lowered her gently to the ground and began lightly slapping her face in an attempt to wake her.

"Shampoo! Are you okay? Shampoo!"

He turned angrily at Cologne, who was laughing so hard she was having difficulty remaining in her chair.

"Dammit, you old ghoul! Quit laughing and help me! You think this is funny?"

"Oh yes, Son-in-law! I certainly do!" The old woman chuckled.

"ARE YOU CRAZY! THAT DEMON THING IS-"

"Oh calm down Son-in-law. This has nothing to do with her possession. Her body has already recovered from its shock. Shampoo has merely feinted from a completely different type of shock."

"What do you mean?" Ranma asked warily.

Cologne grinned at him. "She's become so used to you running away from her, that the thought of you running toward her sort of... blew her away."

Ranma blinked, then blushed. "Oh... I guess I have been sort of a jerk to her, haven't I?"

Cologne smirked. "Yes, Son-in-law, you have, but don't fear that she won't forgive you. When she wakes up, she's going to be the happiest girl in Japan!"

"Ah... right." Ranma blushed a bit more.

Shampoo was already beginning to stir. Since her head was rolled back, the first thing she saw was her great-grandmother, grinning down at her from her chair.

"Oh, Great-grandmother. Shampoo have nice dream. She dream Ranma come say he want marry her and go back to village with her."

"Don't look now, Great-granddaughter, but your dream is by your feet."

Shampoo lifted her head to see Ranma kneeling there, scratching his head in embarrassment. "Uh... hi."

Shampoo blinked a few times, then sat up abruptly and wrapped her arms around Ranma, squeezing him incredibly hard. "Ranma! Is true? You love Shampoo and want marry? Really really true?"

"Ack. Yeah I do Shampoo, really really, but could you loosen your grip a bit?" He wheezed.

Shampoo shrieked in joy, and then demonstrated that she *had* been trying to learn Japanese by shouting "BANZAI!" and tackling Ranma to the ground. She grabbed his head in both hands and kissed him with all the passion she could muster (which, judging by the steam coming out from Ranma's collar, was quite a bit).

For Ranma's part, he was completely startled by the kiss, but after a moment's hesitation, he began to kiss back.

A group of the Nekohanten's three morning regulars came in, stopping to gawk at the couple entwined on the floor.

"Uh... should we come back later?" One of them asked Cologne with a sheepish grin.

Cologne laughed merrily. "Not at all, my friends. In fact, join us in celebration! I'll bring out some Champaign. My great-granddaughter has just accepted young Ranma's proposal of marriage!"

The men grinned, happy to share in the joy of their favorite cute waitress.

"That's some acceptance speech!" One of the men chuckled.

"Yeah, long speech too." Another grinned as they all took a glass of Champaign.

"Hmm. Yes indeed." Cologne frowned, poking at the pair with her staff. "Come on you two, break it up. We have customers here."

Shampoo reluctantly released Ranma, sitting up on his lap. "Tee hee! Shampoo sorry. Is just so happy!"

On of the men crouched down by Ranma's head. "So boy, what's the verdict on your new bride?"

"Whoa..." Ranma muttered, a silly grin on his face.

All the men snickered, and the crouching one gave Shampoo a thumbs-up. "Well done, Shampoo-chan! Try not to kill the poor guy on your wedding night."

Shampoo blushed and giggled.

"Well then," another of the men said, lifting his glass. "To the happy couple!"

All who were standing raised their glasses as well. "To the happy couple!"

There are certain times in life, when near-total strangers can be your best friends. This was one of those times.

***

It took some time to calm Shampoo down enough so that the three of them could discuss their plans.

"Shampoo, you know I've promised to marry you and go back to China with you," Ranma was saying seriously, "but we can't leave just yet. I've got to write some letters to give to Akane, Ukyou and Kodachi, then figure out a way to leave without a big fuss. You know every single person in that house would try to stop me... Ukyou and Kodachi too. So I'm asking, just for a few days, could we keep this just between us?"

"Why you care what other girls think?" Shampoo pouted, then frowned as a headache seemed to come out of nowhere.

Cologne saved Ranma from a very awkward moment. "Now Shampoo, be at ease. Your husband is a kind man. Those other girls care about him a great deal, and the entanglements of his fool father give them every right to try and keep him here. Let him try to ease his way out of their lives with a minimum of friction.
Ranma has chosen you. Not any of them, but *you*. The battle is won, and there is nothing to be gained by rubbing your victory in their faces. You have no need to feel jealous of them any more. Allow your husband the time he needs to come to you without anything holding him back. You can trust him, can't you? Besides, we will need some time to make our own arrangements to return to China as well."

Shampoo beamed happily again, the headache faded away. "Hai! Shampoo trust her Airen! You say goodbye to other girls, make them not so sad, then Shampoo make you feel better about hurting other girl's feelings." She grinned.

Cologne mused that Ranma was probably fortunate that he had no idea how Shampoo intended to make him 'feel better'. Ah, to be young and naïve again... It was fun to get surprises!

Ranma smiled at her sadly. "Thank you Shampoo. I'll probably need your help feeling better. This is going to be hard."

"But you're not really going to say goodbye, are you Son-in-law?" Cologne said. "You're planning to leave them letters and then disappear into the night, correct?"

Ranma rubbed his head guiltily. "I can't really think of any other way to do it. There's no way they'd willingly let me go."

Cologne nodded. "I understand, Ranma. I only worry that you are starting to show your father's influence."

Ranma winced. "Geez, I hope not. Pop wouldn't even have bothered to leave a letter explaining why he had to go. He'd just take off and never think twice about the pain he was causing. I wish I could explain it to Ukyou and Akane to their faces, but I'm always putting my foot in my mouth. At least with a letter, I can be sure they'll hear me out without clobbering me half-way though."

Cologne nodded. "True enough. Now, what shall we do about Mousse?"

"Aiya... Mousse no be happy about this. He try to stop us. Then when he fail, he get Tendous and others to help him. He no give up. Not until he dead. He stubborn like that."

"Please tell me you're not planning to kill him!" Ranma pleaded.

Shampoo shook her head. "No. No want Mousse to die. Mousse is from same village, grow up with him, even if he big pain. If Mousse find nice girl who like him and be happy, than Shampoo be happy for him. Only Mousse so crazy on Shampoo, is no way that ever happen!"

"Oh, I think I might be able to arrange something." Cologne smirked slyly. "I would not enjoy telling Elder Deodorant that I killed her grandson merely for being a nuisance either. Let me just see what I have in my cabinet of potions."

"Maybe you could try that Xai Fang Gao thing on him, erase his memory of Shampoo." Ranma suggested.

"Great-grandmother?" Shampoo looked at the old woman questioningly.

"I'm afraid not, Son-in-law, though it was a good idea. Unfortunately, Mousse's obsession with Shampoo runs too deep to erase that way. He has dedicated his entire life to pursuing her since the age of three. If we wipe her from his mind, then he is in a position where his entire life had been lived without purpose. His mind will not accept that, and eventually, he will overpower the Xai Fang Gao, much as Akane Tendou did, though through, ahem, different motivations."

Cologne rose from her seat and wandered into the kitchen. "No, we shall have to dull his obsession with Shampoo, and nudge him toward another girl. Preferably one who might return his affections. I shall study my recipes and see what I can come up with. You two should begin thinking about who the lucky young lady should be."

"Aiya... Who girl Shampoo know who deserve stupid Mousse?" She frowned cutely in concentration.

"Let's not make this a revenge thing." Ranma counseled. "We need a girl who would want to be paid attention to with the same persistence that Mousse went after you. Otherwise, it won't work at all, unless you drug her too."

Shampoo wracked her brain. "Who good match for totally obsessed boy?"

Ranma thought as well. Suddenly they both looked up, lightning inspiration having struck the same place twice.

"Kodachi!" They cried together.

"Yeah!" Ranma said eagerly. "She's almost as obsessive as him, and you know she'd love having him hanging on her every whim."

Shampoo nodded. "Is good choice. Kodachi kind of girl who play games to keep him interested, even if she really want him bad!"

"Oh wait." Ranma paused, frowning. "How are we gonna get her into Mousse? She's totally fixated on me."

"Leave that to me, Son-in-law." Cologne said confidently, returning from the kitchen. "Her fixation is more fickle. The Xia Fang Gao plus a little well-timed passion spice should be all that one needs. And once the spice wears off, she'll already be in a relationship with him. Inertia should carry her through. Now, you should be getting to school. Mousse will be returning soon."

Ranma got up from the table. "Right."

"Ranma wait!" Shampoo cried, jumping up and catching him by the sleeve as he moved toward the door.

"What is it?"

She smiled shyly (Shampoo shy? Stranger things have happened!)

"Husband give Shampoo kiss goodbye?"

Ranma chuckled, scratching the back of his head nervously. "Sure."

This time, Shampoo stood still, letting him take the initiative. This didn't last long, for as soon as he took her by the shoulders and pressed his lips gently to hers, she grabbed him by the head and began to explore his tonsils with her tongue. Ranma matched her intensity, and it soon became apparent to Cologne that it was only the lack of a handy bed that was keeping the wedding night from arriving early. She smacked both of them on the head with her staff.

"Enough already! Mousse will be here any second, and if he catches you two doing that, all hell's going to break loose long before we're ready for it!"

The teenagers sheepishly parted. Ranma had that same goofy grin on his face, as he wobbled on unsteady legs out the door. "I could get used to this!"

"Shampoo think you have to!" She giggled as she waved goodbye to him. When she turned around, she found her legs were almost as bad as his.

"Ooooh! Kissing make Shampoo dizzy!"

"Try taking the time to breathe now and then." Cologne chuckled, shaking her head in amusement.

Teenagers!

***

Two days later, Ranma was walking home from school with Akane, as he usually did. Cologne had reminded him to keep his usual routine to avoid raising suspicions.

The pair stopped as Kodachi bounded across the rooftops above them in full leotard, laughing maniacally as she usually did. Ranma and Akane set themselves to run, but the crazed gymnast didn't give either of them a second glance, bounding across the space above them in a graceful leap.

Mousse came bounding after her. "Kodachi, my love! Wait for me!"

"OHOHOHOHOHOHO! Come and catch me if you can, my little Chinese studmuffin!"

Ranma and Akane big-sweated as the pair passed out of sight.

"What the hell was *that* all about?" Akane stammered.

"Uh... I don't know."

"Then why are you grinning like that?" She asked suspiciously.

"Well..." he stammered, thinking fast. "It looks as though I've finally got Kodachi off my back. Plus they seem to be happy, so no one's gonna get mad at me over it. It's a nice change, I'll tell ya!" Not to mention, that was one letter he wouldn't have to bother delivering.

Akane rolled her eyes. "I guess so..."

When they arrived home, P-chan met Akane at the door with a squeal.

"P-chan!" Akane cried happily, scooping him up into her arms. "You're back! I'm so happy! Things are getting weird around here. You'll never guess what I just saw on the rooftops a few minutes ago..."

As Akane wandered upstairs to her room to chat with her pet, Ranma stood in the hall watching them go. He rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

***

That night, as the ever watchful P-chan stood guard over the sleeping Akane (read: she was thrashing around so much that there was no way he could sleep) her bedroom window slid open quietly. P-chan perked up and immediately assumed a defensive position in front of Akane. Only two people would be trying to sneak into Akane's room through the window. One was Happosai, to steal Akane's underwear, and the other was Ranma. What Ranma intended by sneaking into her room was something P-chan didn't want to contemplate, but no matter who it was, they wouldn't be doing what they liked in Akane's room if he had anything to say about it!

Ranma peeked his head in and glanced from Akane to the growling pig. "Good. You're awake. Come're for a sec, I wanna talk with you about something."

P-chan gave him a wary look.

"Come on! I'm not gonna boot you over the wall or nothin'! I just wanna talk with you about Akane. Don't give me that look! You might even like hearing this."

Hesitantly, and with no more than the bare minimum of trust he could stand to afford his hated rival, P-chan came over to the window and jumped up into Ranma's outstretched hand.

Ranma gripped the pudgy piglet like a football (okay, so he was here on a peaceful mission, that didn't mean he had to be gentle with the stupid pig) and silently closed the window. He took the pig up to the top of the roof, where a kettle was precariously balanced on top of an extra set of Ranma's clothes.

Ranma set P-chan down and poured the kettle.

Ryouga was careful not to lose his balance as his dimensions and bone structure altered dramatically. When he was stable, he picked up Ranma's clothes and started dressing. It was pretty cold out this time of year to be sitting naked on a roof.

"Why couldn't you bring me my own clothes?" He groused.

"'Cause I couldn't figure out where you left them, idiot!" Ranma snapped. "Just be grateful I didn't leave you to freeze!"

Ryouga snorted. "Whatever. What do you want, Ranma?"

Ranma dropped his irritated expression and sat on the tiles with his arms resting on his knees, looking down at the yard with a slightly sad expression.

"I'm leaving soon."

"Another training trip? So what?"

"No, I mean I'm leaving for a long time. Years."

Ryouga blinked. "Huh? What about your engagement to Akane? Don't tell me you're planning on taking her with you? Ranma! You Son of a-"

"Just shut up and listen, Pig-boy! I ain't taking Akane." He shuffled his feet on the roof. "I'm taking Shampoo."

Ryouga scowled in confusion as he tried to figure that out. "Huh? Why are you going with Shampoo? For years, you said?"

"I'm marrying her, idiot! I'm marrying Shampoo and going back with her to China." Ranma growled. He was starting to remember why he rarely tried to talk with Ryouga.

Ryouga's eyes went wide. He once again tried to figure Ranma out through his own intellect. Once again, he was way off. "You mean... You're going to marry her just so you can go back to Jyusenkyo and get a cure? That's pretty damn low, Ranma, even for you!"

Ranma's hands curled into fists. "You are such an asshole! That's not why I'm... Hey... I guess I *can* drop back into Jyusenkyo and get cured while I'm there. Shampoo too. Geez! Why not? It's practically next door."

"So that *is* why!" Ryouga said accusingly.

"You ain't too good at listening, are you Pig-boy!" Ranma growled. "That never occurred to me 'till now!"

"So what's the deal?"

"Shampoo's dying!" Ranma snapped angrily.

That seemed to take the wind out of Ryouga's sails pretty quick. "W-what?"

Ranma let go of his tension and stared morosely down at the yard again. "She's dying. She got possessed by this weird demon that's slowly feeding off her life energy. We figure she's got three years at best."

Ryouga sat back, stunned. "Man... so it's like that little demon in the diaper that popped into people's heads and gave them horns?"

Ranma shook his head. "Naw, nothing like that. This one doesn't affect her personality or nothin'. Kinda the other way round. If she thinks evil thoughts, like getting angry or jealous, then the demon eats her soul faster. If I keep her happy, then it'll barely nibble at her, because her life energy doesn't taste so good to him. That's how we get her three years. If I left things as is, with all the fighting over me and her being jealous of the other girls, she'd probably be dead in six months or so, but that's just a guess."

Ryouga nodded. "I get it. So this is a sympathy thing."

Ranma squirmed. "Not just sympathy. She's a pretty nice girl, you know, when she's not trying to do sneaky stuff to get me to marry her. She's cute too."

Ryouga nodded grudgingly. "Yeah, I guess she is. Hey, are you sure this isn't some plot to trick you into going back with them to China?"

Ranma shot him an angry glance. "No way. I was there when it happened. One of the ghoul's old rivals wanted to curse her with a slow death that was supposed to last a week. Shampoo jumped in front of the blast to save her. She's younger and healthier, plus she's nicer, so it's going to take the demon a lot longer to eat her soul."

"Ok." Ryouga nodded, accepting Ranma's testimony. "Three years, huh? You know, when you really think about it, that isn't very long."

Ranma sighed sadly. "No it isn't."

"Especially for a marriage."

"I know."

"Think you'll be raising her kids after she's gone?"

Ranma shook his head. "No. That's something else the demon's stealing from her. Unless she gets that thing out of her, she can't ever have children."

Ryouga glanced at him, before joining Ranma in staring at the yard unhappily. "That's harsh. Did you want kids?"

Ranma sighed and looked up at the sky. "I never really thought about it before now, but I guess I did. I don't know how I'm going to tell Shampoo we can't."

"She doesn't know?"

Ranma shook his head. "When the spell hit her, she passed out. She doesn't even know about the demon, or that her life span just got cut short. The old woman and I haven't figured out how we can tell her."

"Well you can't just put it off forever. Isn't it better if she finds out now from you than from someone else later?"

Ranma gave him a dirty look. "Look who's talking!"

Ryouga paused for a moment in confusion, and then chuckled with embarrassment. "Oh yeah... heh heh!"

"Yeah. Heh heh." Ranma growled sarcastically. "This is why I brought you up here, Pig-boy. I'm gonna be leaving Akane alone. Maybe for three years, maybe forever. I can't protect her anymore, and you know that clumsy tomboy can't take care of herself!"

"HEY! Watch what you say about Akane, Ranma!" Ryouga growled.

"What I'm saying Ryouga, is... could you look after her for me? I'm not saying be her boyfriend or nothin'. I figure that's between you and her. I'm just saying that, even if you don't get together. Be her friend. Be someone she can count on and talk to."

Ryouga shuffled his feet. "I'm already someone she can talk to, as P-chan anyway, and you should *hear* some of the things she says about you when you're not around!"

Ranma slapped his forehead and groaned. "I can just imagine. Never mind that. It's not important. I want you to come clean to her about the pig thing. It's not fair to her, Ryouga, seriously."

"Do I have to?" Ryouga grumbled.

"Yes you do." Ranma growled. "Or I'm gonna come all the way back from China and dump a kettle out on you while your sleeping in her bed. You really want her to wake up to find you lying next to her butt-naked?"

Ryouga turned bright red. "If that happened... she'd..."

"She'd kill you. And worse, she'd never trust you again. She trusts you now, you know, even when you're human. You're a good friend as far a she's concerned, but you're lying to her every single time you show up and play P-chan!"

"I guess you're right." Ryouga grumbled, holding his face in his hands.

"You know I am." Ranma said firmly.

Ryouga sighed and looked up at the stars. "Yeah..."

Ranma stood up. "I guess that's all I wanna say. Don't tell her until a while after I'm gone. She may not admit it, but I think she just might miss me a little. P-chan will probably help her get over me."

"You're pretty full of yourself, you know?" Ryouga snorted.

Ranma chuckled. "Maybe I am. Maybe she won't care either way. Just think of it as some time to figure out what to say to her when you tell her. I'm leaving the night after tomorrow night. After that, you'll have to figure out how to handle her by yourself. Think you can do that?" He said as he began walking away.

Ryouga nodded. "I'll try, at least. Ranma?"

Ranma turned. "Yeah?"

"Don't worry about Akane. I promise to take care of her. Even if she hates me after I tell her the truth, I'll still keep an eye on her and make sure she's doing alright."

Ranma nodded. "That's all I ask." And with that, he leapt down off the roof into the window of his own room.

Ryouga lay back and looked up at the stars. Things were changing, all at once it seemed. Ranma was leaving, and now he had promised to tell Akane the truth about P-chan. Everything was going to be different soon, for better or for worse. He hated to admit it, but he was going to miss Ranma. A Nerima without Ranma seemed like it was missing something. Who was he going to get into fights with to keep up his skills now?

Ryouga sat up abruptly as another thought occurred to him.

How was he going to get cold water and then find his way back into Akane's room?

"Ranma... you jerk!" He mumbled.

***

Talking with Ryouga the night before had given Ranma another idea. After school the next day, he went by the Ucchan and sat himself down on the roof across the street, where he could watch the entrance. He didn't want to go inside. One look at his face and Ucchan would know something was wrong. She knew him too well. She wasn't who he wanted to talk to anyway.

Eventually, his patience was rewarded as he saw Konatsu dash out the door with a take-out box in one hand. Catching up to the cross-dressed ninja took some doing. Konatsu was the only person Ranma knew who could really match his speed.

"Konatsu! Hey! Wait up!"

The effeminate Kunoichi stopped and turned and smiled pleasantly. "Why Ranma-sama! I haven't seen you in a while. Ukyou-sama was just saying how you hadn't dropped by in nearly a week."

Ranma came to a stop on the same roof, catching his breath. "Yeah, well... I've kinda been busy. Can I talk to you for a few minutes?"

Konatsu bowed and smiled so sweetly, he reminded Ranma of Kasumi (which was damn scary). Still, at least he was a nice enough guy (sorta). "Certainly, Ranma-sama, but I'm in the middle of a delivery right now, and Ukyou's running a '5 minutes or it's free' delivery promotion, so it's very important that I be on time."

'5 minutes?' Ranma thought in amazement. He'd never heard of a place doing that sort of deal for less then 30 minutes.

"I won't keep you then, but could you meet me here on your way back?" Ranma asked.

"Certainly." The kunoichi bowed again (he tended to do that a lot). "But I don't think I can stay for more than 10 minutes. Ukyou will have more deliveries for me by then."

"That should be fine. Better hurry." Ranma said easily.

Konatsu bowed one more time, and then took off like a shot. Normally, that was just an expression, but Ranma could barely see the ninja move, almost like a bullet.

"Man... He's amazing when he's really going all out." Ranma muttered, somewhat jealous. "Must be doing some kinda Kachuu Tenshin Amaguriken with his legs or something." He sat himself down to wait.

Konatsu was back in less than two minutes, and gracefully sat himself down on the roof beside Ranma.

"What can I do for you, Ranma-sama?" He asked politely.


Ranma gave Konatsu much the same speech he'd given Ryouga the night before, except that it was much easier, since Konatsu didn't keep interrupting him to accuse him of something absurd.

"Oh my! Poor Ukyou-sama will be devastated! Do you really have to go, Ranma-sama?"

Ranma nodded. "Yeah, I'm afraid I do. Shampoo needs me, and I'm not going to fail her again. I'm going to be the husband to her that I should have been from the start, for as long as she's still alive."

"That's very kind of you, Ranma-sama, but what about you? Will you be happy with her?"

Ranma looked up at the sky and smiled. "Yes, Konatsu. I will be. I wasn't sure at first, but I am now."

Konatsu smiled. "I'm glad."

Ranma's face fell. "The only thing that I'm worried about is the people I'm gonna leave behind. I know that Ucchan cares about me a lot, and even if I explain about how Shampoo's only got three years to live, she's still gonna be sad."

Konatsu gave him a sympathetic expression that was completely sincere. That one was exactly like Kasumi's too. Watching a conversation between the two of them would be creepy!

"Yes, I believe you're right."

"So what I'm asking, Konatsu, is if you could look after Ukyou for me. Maybe just while I'm gone, maybe forever. I know you love her, and I wouldn't stop you if she wanted you to be her boyfriend, or even her husband, but even if that never happens, just watch over her; make sure she's doing okay. Could you do that for me, Konatsu?"

The male Kunoichi smiled warmly. "Ranma-sama, I would do that even if you never asked, but I will tell her that you did, and she will feel better knowing that you care for her enough to worry. If she chooses to wait for you, than I will wait with her, and if she decides that this humble kunoichi is worthy to fill the void in her heart, then know that she is in good hands."

Ranma smiled. "I knew *that* my friend, even if you'd never said it." He stood and pulled out a letter in an envelope marked with the name 'Ucchan'. "This is the letter I wrote explaining where I'm going and why. I just... can't stand seeing her cry if I told her to her face. You can give it to her the day after tomorrow. I'll be gone by then."

Konatsu took the letter and bowed upon receiving it. "I shall do as you ask, Ranma-sama. Please find happiness with your new wife, for as long as you have together."

Ranma smiled sadly over his shoulder. "We will, and thank you."

Then he bounded off across the rooftops to the Nekohanten. They needed to plan the final details of their departure.

***

The next night, when all the house was sound asleep (even the snoring panda) Ranma picked up his pack, with all his worldly belongings, and silently made his way downstairs. He dropped Akane's letter onto the breakfast table, and quietly left the Tendou home for what would probably be the last time. He looked back at the house as he stood at the gate, reliving fond memories in his mind.

He felt no great need to hurry. He was leaving a part of his life behind, a big part, if you included his father, who had been with him his entire life. He was looking forward to his marriage to Shampoo, but it was still sad for him to leave everyone else.

He gave the Tendou Dojo one last fond look, then he turned and walked slowly down the street. He wasn't in the mood for roof hopping.

***

"I'm here." He called quietly as he entered the Nekohanten. He gave Shampoo an affectionate peck on the cheek and then set down his pack just inside the door.

"Wonder of wonders, you two have managed to find a *quick* way to kiss!" Cologne chuckled.

Shampoo blushed and giggled, happily embarrassed.

Ranma's face went red as well. "Aw Granny!"

Cologne raised an eyebrow. "'Granny' now, is it? What happened to Great-grandmother?"

"Too much of a mouthful." Ranma answered. "Besides, I ain't the sort of guy to talk formal all the time."

Cologne laughed. "Fair enough. 'Granny' eh? I like it. Can I call you Sonny?"

Ranma grinned. "It's certainly shorter than Great-grandson-in-law."

"That it is, Sonny, that it is."

"So where's Mousse?" Ranma asked.

"He's sleeping upstairs. He seemed completely exhausted, but judging by the grin on his face, I suspect it's because he got lucky." She grinned.

"Lucky how?" Ranma asked, in honest confusion.

Chuckling at his naiveté, Cologne hopped away on her staff. "You'll find out for yourself tomorrow night, I'd wager."

Ranma scratched his head. "Tomorrow night? But that's our wedding ni--" He blushed. "Oh."

Shampoo giggled and hugged him.

He grinned sheepishly back at her. "I think I'm going to be doing a lot of blushing tomorrow night then."

"Airen cute when blush!" She smirked.

"Just go easy on me. I'm new at this." He chuckled awkwardly.

She slapped his chest playfully. "You think Shampoo is old hat? Shampoo no do any of this before either."

"I know, I know, but you don't seem as embarrassed about it as I am."

"What for be embarrassed? Shampoo love Ranma, Ranma love Shampoo. Is no shame, is no secrets, is no things to hide between airen."

Ranma nodded reluctantly, thinking of the secret he was keeping from her now, and trying not to let it show in his face. "Good point."

Shampoo giggled and leaned closer to him. "Is so..."

"If you two are through flirting, you can start moving this luggage outside. The taxi will be here soon." Cologne said dryly.

The young couple reluctantly separated, and each picked up a heavy suitcase. Then they came back for Cologne's chests of potions and Amazon treasures.

"Hey Granny, what's gonna happen to Mousse after we're gone?"

"He'll wake up tomorrow to find a letter on the table explaining how he is now the owner of this restaurant. He'll have to hire a waitress or two to run the place, but between the Nekohanten's profit margin and his new girlfriend's wealth, that shouldn't be a problem."

"Taking a page from my book, are ya?" Ranma smirked.

Cologne shrugged. "It seemed prudent."

"Whatever."

*BONK*

"Just because you're part of the family now doesn't mean you can get smart with me, Son-in-law." Cologne snorted.

"Aww! What happened to 'Sonny'?"

*Bonk*

***

The next morning found Ranma in a church in another part of Tokyo, struggling with the bow tie of his rented tuxedo. "Man, I'm nervous!"

"What for? You think you're going to get up there and Shampoo will say 'no thanks'?" Cologne teased him.

Ranma rolled his eyes. "Weren't you nervous at your wedding?"

"Which one?"

Ranma sighed dramatically. "Never mind. I forgot what a swinger you were in your supposed 'youth'. That's what got us into this mess in the first place." He grumbled.

*BONK*

"Ow." He rubbed his head. "Hey, that reminds me, any word from that old witch yet?"

"It's been less than a week, Ranma. Duck needs time to search through her collection of spellbooks."

Ranma silently fiddled with his tie. "I hope she finds a cure soon."

Cologne was silent for a moment. When she eventually spoke, it was in a very quiet voice, almost timid. "Ranma, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"If Duck finds a cure, what will you do then? Will you leave Shampoo and go back to Japan since she is no longer dying?"

Ranma fiddled with his tie some more, then dropped it and turned to the old woman. "I'd have to be some kind of amazing creep to do that, wouldn't I?"

"Most definitely." Cologne agreed.

"I guess I haven't thought too much about it. The witch said we shouldn't hope for a cure, so I've been trying to think of things like she meant it. Don't get me wrong though, if she does find a cure, I'll be thrilled. I just don't want to get Shampoo's hopes up." He paused meaningfully, turning back to the mirror and giving the tie another go. "Or mine."

"I understand, but you haven't really answered my question." Cologne prompted gently.

"Of course I'm not gonna leave her." Ranma said firmly. "Haven't you ever seen one of these western weddings before on TV? The vows say 'Till death do us part'. That's the same thing as a vow of honor. I told Shampoo I wanted to marry her and I meant it. And I'm gonna mean those vows too when I say them."

The old woman was silent. When he turned back to her, he saw she was crying. Cologne, the Matriarch, was crying!

"I'm glad... Son-in-law." She said, smiling kindly at him.

"Aw come on, don't get so mushy on me." Ranma snorted, trying to end the awkward moment. "If you don't knock it off, when we get to China I'm gonna tell all the other little Elders that Cologne was crying like a baby."

*BONK*

"'Little Elders' indeed." The shrunken old woman snorted.

"Ow! Come on! I almost got this stupid thing tied!" Ranma complained.

"You said that ten minutes ago." Cologne chuckled.

"Perhaps I can help." Came a gentle voice from the doorway.

Ranma spun around in shock. "M-Mom?!?"

Nodoka Saotome smiled and ran forward to embrace her son. "Oh Ranma! It's really you, isn't it? After all these years!"

"Mom?" Ranma's voice choked up, as tears formed in his eyes. After a moment, he eagerly hugged her back. "Mom! What are you doing here?"

She pulled back and wiped a tear from her eye, smiling at him. "You didn't think I was going to miss my only son's wedding, did you?"

"But... how?" Ranma stammered, not sure whether he wanted to feel happy or frightened.

"I got the letter you sent. As soon as I read the part about you 'marrying Shampoo for real' I called every church and temple in the Greater Tokyo Area. I even got my neighbors to help out. There's quite a number of these places in all the districts, you know. Eventually, we found a place that had a wedding booked for a Saotome Ranma and Xian Pu. I got on the first train here."

"Wow." Ranma said, not knowing what else to say. His mother seemed in equal parts both desperate and resourceful. He had to admire both qualities. "Mom, I'm glad you're here, really I am, but I'm worried that something might... happen... to force you to make me and Pop commit Seppuku. I don't want that, and I don't think you do either. Uh..." He looked her over. "Where's the katana? I thought you brought that thing with you everywhere?"

Nodoka laughed softly into her hand. "One doesn't bring weapons to a wedding, my son. It's horribly bad luck."

"Hmm. I'd better go tell Shampoo to disarm herself then." Cologne chuckled, hopping out of the room on her staff. "A pleasure to finally meet you, Lady Saotome. I'm sure we'll have a chance to talk later."

Nodoka nodded and then turned back to her son. He looked so handsome in a tuxedo! "As for the seppuku pledge, after I read your letter, I sent Genma a package. Inside are divorce papers, and a letter that says that if he'll sign them, I'll tear up the promise. Now I haven't gotten them back yet, so whatever this 'condition' of yours is, don't tell me. Once I have them, you can tell me all about it. Then you and I can see each other whenever we like."

Ranma looked a bit upset. "You're... divorcing Pop?"

Nodoka nodded seriously. "Don't look at me like that, Ranma. Genma and I haven't been living like a married couple for 16 years. I'm only making it official. I'd already half-decided before, and after reading your letter, I realized that I no longer wish to spend any time with him ever again. I *do* however, want to spend time with *you*. So please keep your secret until I can get the papers back."

Ranma blinked, trying to accept that. "But... doesn't it bother you, this condition that makes me seem less than a man-among-men?"

She patted his chest reassuringly. "Whatever it is, I don't care. If everything you told me in your letter is true, then you are a true man no matter what this little problem is. The fact that you're doing right by this poor girl Shampoo certainly helps your position. I'm proud of you son, I want you to know that."

Ranma smiled, his eyes brimming over with tears as he hugged her once again.

"Thanks Mom! You don't know how long I've wanted to hear that."

"Ranma... you don't know how long I've wanted to *say* it." She sniffled back. "Now then, let me see that silly bow tie..."


Soon after, Ranma and his mother came out of the room and went into the one across the hall, where Shampoo had been dressing with the aid of one of the church's female staff.

"Are you sure we should go in, Ranma? I've been reading up on these western weddings, and it's considered bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her dress before the wedding."

"I think we've had our share of bad luck already." Ranma sighed. "Besides, this is more important." He pushed open the door and found Shampoo already in her wedding dress, arguing with her great-grandmother and the other woman.

"Ahem! Shampoo, I want you to meet my mother. Mom, this is Shampoo." Ranma said, his voice breaking through the noise.

Shampoo instantly switched her attention over to the newcomers. Her face lit up like a star. "Aiya! Is Airen mother? Shampoo so happy for meet you!" The beautiful violet-haired girl bounced over and hugged her new mother-in-law (gently).

Nodoka looked over the mass of purple hair and smirked at her son. "She's certainly very friendly."

Ranma rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment. "Ah... yeah, she is that."

Shampoo released Nodoka and took hold of both her hands. "Shampoo want hear all about what Ranma like when little!"

Nodoka gave a pained smile. "I would love to dear, but I'm afraid I wasn't there for most of it."

Shampoo put a hand to her mouth, as if to stop the words she'd already thoughtlessly spoken. "Aiya... Shampoo forget. Very sorry. New Mother forgive Shampoo?"

"Of course dear." Nodoka smiled kindly.

Shampoo turned to Ranma. "Shampoo glad Airen here. You tell Great-grandmother and silly woman that Shampoo need keep sword with her!"

"Uh..." Ranma answered noncommittally.

"But why would you need your sword, dear?" Nodoka asked in confusion.

"Is very important Amazon tradition." Shampoo explained seriously. "We is warrior people. Always carry weapon, even at own wedding!"

"Yes," Cologne smirked. "I believe it originally came about as a way to discourage the groom from trying to run."

Shampoo nodded, the epitome of seriousness. "Shampoo hope it no come to that, but she be prepared."

Ranma big-sweated. "Please tell me you're kidding!"

Nodoka nodded her head sagely. "Yes, I almost had to resort to that myself, with that coward Genma."

"Mom! Don't encourage this!" Ranma cried frantically.

Shampoo grinned at her mother-in-law. "Also for in case other womans want break up wedding and steal groom. That very important when groom is handsome and strong man like Ranma. Only reason other girls no here is 'cause they no know where we have wedding!"

"I see." Nodoka smiled craftily. "But what if, and this is only speaking hypothetically, the woman who tried to stop the wedding was the groom's mother?"

Ranma and Cologne's eyes went wide, but Shampoo didn't bat an eye. She looked sadly at the sword she was holding, and set it aside.

"If groom mother object to wedding, then that completely different. Shampoo no happy about it, but have no choice in matter. No can kill mother-in-law." She pulled out a bonbori and gave Nodoka an evil smirk. "Have to beat mother-in-law away from Shampoo husband with blunt weapon."

"Shampoo!" Ranma cried, shocked.

Nodoka turned to her son, her eyes glittering with mirth. "I like her, son. You may keep her."

Ranma sighed with relief as Shampoo tossed the bonbori aside (much to the churchwoman's shock, the heavy weapon smashed through a table) and hugged Nodoka again. Cologne just laughed.

Ranma slid closer to the old woman and whispered into her ear. "Hey, I didn't notice her looking like her life energy was being drained, did you?"

"That is because Shampoo was not seriously thinking about committing violent acts against her mother-in-law." Cologne whispered back reassuringly. "She was only teasing, as was your mother. You should know better, Sonny. Shampoo would never do such a thing."

Ranma smiled, relieved. "I guess not."

Nodoka gently pushed Shampoo back and smiled down at her. "Shampoo, let me tell you some things about this sort of wedding. The bride and groom must never bring weapons to the alter, because that is an omen of hostility in their future marriage; a sign that the couple will fight each other often."

Shampoo frowned. "But who defend wedding?"

Nodoka smiled fondly at her soon-to-be daughter-in-law. "That is a good question. There are two people in western weddings whose duty is traditionally to guard the wedding couple, and see them safely to the altar. They are the Best Man, and the Maid of Honor. Usually this is the groom's best friend, and the bride's best friend. Since we don't have these people here with us at such a small wedding, your great-grandmother and I will fill these roles. We shall protect you both from any who would dare to interrupt this wedding! Does that make you feel better?"

Shampoo smiled and nodded. "That good enough. Shampoo feel safe now to be married with no weapon."

Nodoka smiled. "Excellent. Now, for a guest to bring a weapon to a wedding is also bad luck. It is a sign that that person wishes harm on either the bride or the groom. That is why I left my own sword at home. May I borrow your sword, Shampoo, until the wedding is over?"

Shampoo bobbed her head happily. "Shampoo honored for have mother of Ranma use her weapon!" She handed the large scimitar to Nodoka with a fine show of formality. Nodoka accepted the weapon in both her hands, holding it until Ranma and Shampoo left the room, at the churchwoman's direction.

As soon as they were gone, Nodoka let the pointed end of the sword fall heavily to the ground, keeping it from falling over completely by grabbing the handgrip with both hands.

"My goodness!" She gasped to Cologne. "This is the heaviest sword I've ever seen, and she was swinging it around with one hand like it was nothing! She must be as strong as a bear!"

"Not hardly." Cologne smirked. "I had her wrestling bears and winning when she was 13."

Nodoka's eyes widened. "Quite an... impressive young lady." She said eventually.

Cologne laughed as she hopped out the door. "Your son is very impressive as well, Lady Saotome. I'd wager he could have been doing it at 12."

"I'd prefer if you would call me Nodoka, Cologne-san." Nodoka smiled grimly. "I don't intend to carry my husband's name for much longer."

"I understand, Nodoka-san." Cologne smiled. She was starting to like this proud and dignified woman. She had a spark of fire in her belly that Cologne always loved to see.


The wedding progressed fairly well, though there was a brief hold-up when the priest complained about the sword Nodoka was holding (with the tip resting on the ground, naturally).

"Mrs. Saotome, all weapons are usually forbidden anywhere upon the church property. It is disrespectful to the Lord Our God to bring tools of violence into his house."

Nodoka responded with confidence. "This marriage is a merging of two cultures, the Joketsuzoku Amazons of China, and Japanese. Neither the bride nor the groom are westerners, much less Christians. We are freely adapting the ceremony to respect all the cultures involved here. We are, each of us, trying to keep an open mind. I would ask you to do the same."

The priest sighed and nodded.

When the priest asked if any here objected to the marriage, Shampoo and Ranma both looked around warily. That should have been the cue for Kodachi, Ukyou, Genma, and the entire Tendou family to kick in the door. They were relived when none of them came. Having the wedding in an entirely different district than either their former homes, or the Narita Airport (where the others would know they would logically have to pass through) had been a good idea.

When the priest said, "You may kiss the bride," the bride beat the groom to the punch. It was another one of Shampoo's now infamous 'vacuum' kisses. The priest began to blush and stammer as the kiss waxed into its third minute. By the fifth minute, he threw up his hands and left.

A mildly embarrassed (but overall very happy) Nodoka snickered and turned to Cologne. "I think we might have to turn the hose on them to get them apart. What do you think?"

The old woman raised a wary eyebrow. "I think that might ruin the mood a bit more than we wished." She said noncommittally, bouncing forward to give the two a whack in the head each with her staff.

Shampoo rubbed her head as Ranma collapsed bonelessly to the ground.

"Oh dear!" Nodoka said, a trifle worried. "I think you may have hit him a bit too hard."

"Not really." Cologne sighed, shaking her head. "He was suffocating."

Nodoka blinked twice. "A *very* impressive young lady!"


The congregating of four people around a table in the church kitchen, sitting on benches, didn't really qualify as a 'reception', but in any case, the happy couple and their two guardians sat together drinking, eating and chatting, which is about the same thing. There was obviously no dancing, but it wasn't as though there were enough men to go around anyway.

"Say Mom, that was a pretty impressive speech you gave that priest about the sword, and the way you convinced Shampoo she shouldn't keep it on her person was kinda neat too. You seem to always know exactly what to say." Ranma said.

Nodoka smirked. "Of course I do, Ranma dear, I'm your mother. It's in the job description."

Ranma chuckled. "I really *do* wish I'd had your help writing those goodbye letters. I hope I did okay. I seem to have a habit of putting my foot in my mouth."

"Hmph! You get *that* from your father." Nodoka sighed.

Ranma looked chagrinned. "Well yeah. Like I said in the letter, all that's good in me had to come from you, because it sure didn't come from him."

Shampoo lay down on the bench with her head in the lap of her husband (as was now confirmed by *both* their cultures); her head was buzzing a little from the Champaign. "Mother-in-law must be very good person then. Because there much good about Ranma!"

"What a sweet thing to say, Shampoo-chan." Nodoka smiled.

Shampoo smiled back and then put a finger on her husband's nose. "Ranma forget one thing." She said more seriously.

"What are you talking about?" He asked.

"One good thing what come from father. Very important thing for Ranma." She elaborated.

Nodoka cocked her head curiously. "And what might that be?"

"Yeah? What?" Ranma asked his wife. 'Wife'? Whoa, that was going to take some getting used to.

"Ranma warrior skills." Shampoo answered. "First, give natural ability through bloodline, then give knowledge through training. Is important to honor one who train you, even if not much else to honor. Stupid father make Ranma great warrior who worthy to be Shampoo husband. That one thing Shampoo thank stupid panda-man for. Ranma should thank too."

Ranma nodded solemnly. "I guess you're right. Gotta give credit where credit's due at least."

"Very mature of you, young Ranma. You're growing up at last." Cologne nodded sagely.

Nodoka leaned forward, frowning at Shampoo in confusion. "Why did you call my husband a 'panda-man', Shampoo-chan?"

Ranma squirmed and thought fast. "Uh... because when she first met us, we had that panda with us. Pop usually had some food hidden away in his gi, and the panda could smell it, so it followed him around. Shampoo assumed he was some kind of animal trainer, and started off calling him 'panda-man'."

"Also call because he shape like panda." Shampoo giggled. Ranma nearly choked on some finger food he was eating.

Nodoka smirked wryly. "I gather my soon-to-be-ex-husband has put on a considerable amount of weight since I saw him last."

"Probably." Ranma muttered, hiding his relief that she hadn't taken Shampoo literally (he was going to have a talk with her later). "I can't say for certain, 'cause I don't remember what he was like early on in our training journey."

"Must be so!" The half-drunk Shampoo declared, giggling. "If he look then like he look now, Mother-in-law no marry him. He too fat and she too pretty!"

"Why thank you, Shampoo-chan," Nodoka smiled, "but I'm afraid today, I pale in comparison to the blushing bride."

Shampoo blinked. "Who that?"

"She means you, Shampoo." Ranma chuckled.

"Oh." She put her hands up to her face. "Shampoo confused. Is pale or is blushing?"

Ranma groaned and rubbed his forehead in embarrassment. "You're drunk, aren't you?"

Nodoka laughed softly. "It's alright, Ranma. Today is her wedding. We're all inclined to celebrate a little." She leaned forward and patted Shampoo's hand. "But no more for you tonight, alright dear? You wouldn't want to sleep through your wedding night!"

Shampoo jumped to her feet suddenly (nearly falling over) "AIYAAA! Shampoo forget all about fun-fun in bedroom! Ranma come! We start right now!"

So saying, she grabbed the startled and suddenly very nervous Ranma and dragged him off.

"W-wait! I'm not ready! At least let me read the instruction manual over again first!" Ranma cried, being dragged along in a gender-reversed version of the caveman matting practice.

"You no ready yet? No worry, Shampoo make sure little Ranma ready!" Shampoo laughed happily as she dragged him down the hall.

Nodoka turned to Cologne. "There's an instruction manual?"

Cologne smirked and nodded, pouring them both more sake. "Gave the poor boy a copy of the Kama Sutra to study. Being dragged about the woods by his father isn't the best way for a boy to get a sex education. I doubt he's even seen any pornography."

Nodoka tsked. "Poor boy. I'll just add that to the list of thinks Genma failed to do right in raising my son." She took a long sip of her sake, then topped off the glass of her elder.

Cologne blinked at Nodoka. 'I can't even tell if she's kidding.' She mused.

After a few more glasses, and as true inebriation was finally kicking in, something occurred to Cologne.

"Hold on a minute! Shampoo said she was taking Ranma to the bedroom, but we aren't at the hotel yet, we're still at the church. Do they even *have* bedrooms in this building?"

Nodoka blinked, her thoughts moving slowly. "I don't believe so, no."

Cologne frowned. "Then where..."

Both looked at each other as a mortified wail echoed through the church building.

"NOT ON THE ALTER, YOU HEATHENS!"

The two drunken women watched each other carefully, trying to see who would crack first. After only a moment, they both lost it at the same time, laughing their heads off as they fell out of their seats, rolling on the floor and laughing until they cried.

________________________________________________________________________________


End of Chapter Two.


Here's a little anecdote from my life that may amuse you.

I came up with the idea for this story at about 8:00 p.m. on a Thursday. I sat down in my backyard with my laptop and a half-pack of cigarettes (I still live at home, so I can't smoke in the house). I began to write...
And write...
And write...
After I'd gotten halfway through the second pack of cigarettes, and the sun was beginning to rise, it occurred to me that maybe I'd been at this too long. However, my creative momentum was still going strong, so I kept writing. Around 8:00 a.m. I'd written about 50 pages, two chapters, and finished off the second pack of cigarettes, meaning I'd smoked about 3X the amount of cigarettes I've ever have in a single day before.
At 8:15 a.m., I finally crawled into bed, cursing fate for making me a writer!
At this point in the story, most of the friends I've told it to are either impressed with my dedication to writing, or think I'm crazy. I tried to explain that they're the same thing. The story doesn't end there, unfortunately, and this next part is where my friends start laughing their butts off (sadistic bastards!)
At 9:00 a.m., the cleaning service that comes to our house every two weeks arrived. There's a few times a day when they might arrive, depending on their schedule. Naturally, today of all days, they decided to visit my house first. I was forced from my comfortable bed, and meant to stagger down to the basement (the one floor they don't clean) to sleep on the couch. Amount of erratic sleep gained so far: 40 minutes.
About an hour later, they came to vacuum the basement stairs, apparently a special request by my mother. The stairs have no carpeting; just hard wood. CLUNK VRRR CLUNK VRRR CLUNK VRRRR, followed by the sounds of mumbled profanities from the lump under the blanket on the basement couch. Amount of erratic sleep gained so far: 90 minutes.
Finally they left about 10:30 a.m.
At 11:15, the inert lump on the couch is shaken awake by its mother. "Come on! You promised to paint the patio furniture today!"
The lump whimpers softly in frustration. Recalling that its mother is very 'old-school' and is of the twisted belief that even if you don't go to school, and work at a job that doesn't start until 6:00 p.m., one shouldn't stay up too late or sleep in too late. Arguing that one didn't get to bed until 8:15 in the morning will gain one no sympathy, only a straight hour of nagging. With a groan of deeply felt injustice, the lump rises to paint the @#$%ing table and chairs.
This of course, took several hours, and by the time I was finished, I had to eat dinner (only meal of the day) and get ready for work.
Total amount of highly erratic and frequently interrupted sleep gained that entire night (day?): 2 hours, 15 minutes.
Followed by 7 grueling hours on my feet at a boring job.
Ugh.

So, hey! For anyone who wants to get into writing, keep reaching for that rainbow! :P


Next time on SotGG:

Ranma and Shampoo board the plane for China, and Nodoka must part with her son again... or does she? Will she join them in China? Will she discover Ranma's curse before she is free of the obligation to force him to commit seppuku?
Plus: What's happening back in Nerima?

C&C to hinoron@hotmail.com

Ja na!

-Ron Hino