Interview With the Goblin King
Written by: Israfel
In a rather sorry state of affairs, I had managed to be wrangled into writing a biography for the most powerful man that I am aware of. From the point of view of another, years later, it would be an amusing story to tell my fellow Labyrinth fans in fanfic form. Despite some far out experiences I have been versed upon, I have remained a firm believer in not exposing myself to those who under the right (or wrong) circumstances could either destroy my life utterly by ridiculing me or by sending my to some sort of asylum for the insane. If you believe anything, believe I am not insane. This is all true.
Normally when a man who wears more make-up than you could ever possibly hope to own in a lifetime threatens your life while playing with a crystal ball, you would simply raise an eyebrow and shuffle away. That wasn't exactly applicable in this scenario. The man in question was the Goblin King, and not being particularly fond of jumping off the mortal coil at this point in time I felt it under my best interests to do what he said. And currently he wanted me to write his life story.
Lovely. Just lovely. You think your life is tough? Try being only a few feet away from salvation yet not being able to move without a dictator with hair from two decades ago shoving electricity up your ass.
"So, uh, how are we supposed to do this? Do I ask questions or something? Because this whole silence thing really isn't working out when I'm supposed to be typing this up."
Of course, even with the thoughts of pain and torture running rampant throughout my brain I couldn't help being a sarcastic little snot.
He turned to frown at me. "I am preparing. If you would remain silent for one moment then I could begin."
"Well excuse me for breathing," I muttered to myself. "Telepathy isn't exactly my strong suit." I managed to maintain the asked for silence... for about five seconds. "Maybe if I asked question it would help start things." He waved his hand toward me as if giving me permission to go ahead. Yippy skippy. You could practically feel the love in the room.
"What's the deal with the whole not being an owl anymore thing? I always gathered the impression that after Sarah-"
"You are not permitted to speak her name!" he hissed at me, his mismatched eyes glittering with frozen fire at the mere mention of the girl's name who had bested him.
Let me tell you something right now: You do not want the full fury of the Goblin King focused solely on you. If any of you find situations like this romantic even in the slightest, you're going to get a rude awakening if and when it happens to you. I felt the urge to shrink back due to his imposing gaze, but fought the urge and stared right back with false bravado. Whatever happened from here on in, I was not going to embarrass myself any further with cowering before his royal pain-in-the-highness. Well, not much cowering. Hey, I may be cheeky but one thing I'm not is stupid.
"Fine then," I declared, throwing my hands up in the air in exasperation. "We'll call her the girl who kicked your ass for continuity purposes. Is that good enough for you, your majesty?"
"You're treading the envelope very thinly, child. I suggest you take what little dignity you have left and finish your job which, to my knowledge, doesn't include snide jabs at royal personages who have powers beyond your imagination."
I could imagine pretty well, and I didn't particularly like what was up in my head. It involved whips and chains, and not in the good way, combined with a certain gag-inducing Bog of Eternal Stench which was not on my priority list for a fun evening. I chewed my bottom lip while trying to figure out how to rephrase that question without insulting him, however humorous or fear-abating my intentions would be.
"I had always gathered that after she had beaten you at your own game you either had to die or become the owl to escape."
"And where did you come up with this startling theory?"
It was my turn to make a face, finally having a chance to expand on a pet theory of mine. "Because the Labyrinth and all surrounding areas was a world of Sarah's imagination. Everything that existed - everything that was, is, and could be - could be seen on the shelves and tabletops of her room tucked into the corners or out in full display."
"Your point being?"
I licked my lips, tossing a cautious glance at Jareth as I continued. "As I said, it was a world inside her mind. Of all the things that were in her room, not anywhere did I see anything that resembled you. You were an outside influence. So when she directly called you forth, you gave her her wish. It didn't exactly have the consequences she desired."
"I wasn't aware this was a summary of my exploits."
"Just give me a minute, I have a point coming. That meant when she fought her childish impulses to give into your sensuous offers-" Ignore the eyebrow raising, ignore the eyebrow raising... " -the world she had created in her head was dashed to pieces and a new one was built up; One with walls which you couldn't get into. So it was either a choice of staying and dying, or fleeing to our Earth in the only form accessible to you on our plane. Am I warm?"
"Even if you were, why should I tell you? All good things come to those who wait. Except, perhaps, in your case," he mused.
"Waiting?" I asked.
"Good things," he answered.
"So what is it?" I turned to look at him over my shoulder, my face unreadable from his vantage point I looked over my glasses at his countenance. "What's my purpose? You're a king, you have subjects out there who are more than willing to be scribes to you. Lose a bet? Needed a lark? Or is it something more sinister? Perhaps I'm right in my assumption after all. Maybe it's that you need me in order to help you restore your crumpled kingdom?"
He shifted his body away from me ever so slightly. I picked up on this, and allowed the left corner of my lip to raise just enough for me to smirk. "That's it, isn't it? You need me. You have no power over me, and therein lies the problem."
"Excellent summation, my dear. Now since you appear to be so intuitive, tell me how you're going to fix this little problem."
As he had spoken he had somehow managed to maneuver his way behind my chair, leaning in close to almost whisper those words in my ear. I gave an involuntary shudder, staring rather blithely into the computer screen where I could just make out our reflections. I opened my mouth to answer and found nothing came to mind. I closed it quickly, realizing that I wasn't anywhere closer finding an answer than he was.
It was his turn to offer me a smirk, though unlike mine his wasn't satisfied. "And therein lies the problem."
Written by: Israfel
In a rather sorry state of affairs, I had managed to be wrangled into writing a biography for the most powerful man that I am aware of. From the point of view of another, years later, it would be an amusing story to tell my fellow Labyrinth fans in fanfic form. Despite some far out experiences I have been versed upon, I have remained a firm believer in not exposing myself to those who under the right (or wrong) circumstances could either destroy my life utterly by ridiculing me or by sending my to some sort of asylum for the insane. If you believe anything, believe I am not insane. This is all true.
Normally when a man who wears more make-up than you could ever possibly hope to own in a lifetime threatens your life while playing with a crystal ball, you would simply raise an eyebrow and shuffle away. That wasn't exactly applicable in this scenario. The man in question was the Goblin King, and not being particularly fond of jumping off the mortal coil at this point in time I felt it under my best interests to do what he said. And currently he wanted me to write his life story.
Lovely. Just lovely. You think your life is tough? Try being only a few feet away from salvation yet not being able to move without a dictator with hair from two decades ago shoving electricity up your ass.
"So, uh, how are we supposed to do this? Do I ask questions or something? Because this whole silence thing really isn't working out when I'm supposed to be typing this up."
Of course, even with the thoughts of pain and torture running rampant throughout my brain I couldn't help being a sarcastic little snot.
He turned to frown at me. "I am preparing. If you would remain silent for one moment then I could begin."
"Well excuse me for breathing," I muttered to myself. "Telepathy isn't exactly my strong suit." I managed to maintain the asked for silence... for about five seconds. "Maybe if I asked question it would help start things." He waved his hand toward me as if giving me permission to go ahead. Yippy skippy. You could practically feel the love in the room.
"What's the deal with the whole not being an owl anymore thing? I always gathered the impression that after Sarah-"
"You are not permitted to speak her name!" he hissed at me, his mismatched eyes glittering with frozen fire at the mere mention of the girl's name who had bested him.
Let me tell you something right now: You do not want the full fury of the Goblin King focused solely on you. If any of you find situations like this romantic even in the slightest, you're going to get a rude awakening if and when it happens to you. I felt the urge to shrink back due to his imposing gaze, but fought the urge and stared right back with false bravado. Whatever happened from here on in, I was not going to embarrass myself any further with cowering before his royal pain-in-the-highness. Well, not much cowering. Hey, I may be cheeky but one thing I'm not is stupid.
"Fine then," I declared, throwing my hands up in the air in exasperation. "We'll call her the girl who kicked your ass for continuity purposes. Is that good enough for you, your majesty?"
"You're treading the envelope very thinly, child. I suggest you take what little dignity you have left and finish your job which, to my knowledge, doesn't include snide jabs at royal personages who have powers beyond your imagination."
I could imagine pretty well, and I didn't particularly like what was up in my head. It involved whips and chains, and not in the good way, combined with a certain gag-inducing Bog of Eternal Stench which was not on my priority list for a fun evening. I chewed my bottom lip while trying to figure out how to rephrase that question without insulting him, however humorous or fear-abating my intentions would be.
"I had always gathered that after she had beaten you at your own game you either had to die or become the owl to escape."
"And where did you come up with this startling theory?"
It was my turn to make a face, finally having a chance to expand on a pet theory of mine. "Because the Labyrinth and all surrounding areas was a world of Sarah's imagination. Everything that existed - everything that was, is, and could be - could be seen on the shelves and tabletops of her room tucked into the corners or out in full display."
"Your point being?"
I licked my lips, tossing a cautious glance at Jareth as I continued. "As I said, it was a world inside her mind. Of all the things that were in her room, not anywhere did I see anything that resembled you. You were an outside influence. So when she directly called you forth, you gave her her wish. It didn't exactly have the consequences she desired."
"I wasn't aware this was a summary of my exploits."
"Just give me a minute, I have a point coming. That meant when she fought her childish impulses to give into your sensuous offers-" Ignore the eyebrow raising, ignore the eyebrow raising... " -the world she had created in her head was dashed to pieces and a new one was built up; One with walls which you couldn't get into. So it was either a choice of staying and dying, or fleeing to our Earth in the only form accessible to you on our plane. Am I warm?"
"Even if you were, why should I tell you? All good things come to those who wait. Except, perhaps, in your case," he mused.
"Waiting?" I asked.
"Good things," he answered.
"So what is it?" I turned to look at him over my shoulder, my face unreadable from his vantage point I looked over my glasses at his countenance. "What's my purpose? You're a king, you have subjects out there who are more than willing to be scribes to you. Lose a bet? Needed a lark? Or is it something more sinister? Perhaps I'm right in my assumption after all. Maybe it's that you need me in order to help you restore your crumpled kingdom?"
He shifted his body away from me ever so slightly. I picked up on this, and allowed the left corner of my lip to raise just enough for me to smirk. "That's it, isn't it? You need me. You have no power over me, and therein lies the problem."
"Excellent summation, my dear. Now since you appear to be so intuitive, tell me how you're going to fix this little problem."
As he had spoken he had somehow managed to maneuver his way behind my chair, leaning in close to almost whisper those words in my ear. I gave an involuntary shudder, staring rather blithely into the computer screen where I could just make out our reflections. I opened my mouth to answer and found nothing came to mind. I closed it quickly, realizing that I wasn't anywhere closer finding an answer than he was.
It was his turn to offer me a smirk, though unlike mine his wasn't satisfied. "And therein lies the problem."