A/N: KT, I lubb u scotlum! And everyone else who's nice enough to say all those good things, thanks. Yeah, so they don't have powers... yet. It will come in the next couple of parts. Oh yeah and the medical parts and rehab. I don't really know about so if someone does and there thnking thats so wrong i'm sorry. ok, enjoy.
bPart 2iAnd I know it hurts
But you're just getting older
And I know you'll win
You'll do it once again/i
I came down stairs, freshly dressed in Prue's Pj's. Comfy wear. A hell of a lot more comfortable than I feel.
Walking into the living room Prue gave me smile greeting. I don't know why but I'm thankful for it. Piper was brooding in the arm chair. I just want her too shout at me or hit me and get it over with.
"There's some tea for you."
"Thank you." I said to Prue before taking it in my hands, letting it heat me up.
"So, did the clinic let you out early? I was going to go pick you up at 11."
Yeah, but why was she going to do that?
"Why did you tell them that I could come here?" I asked more bluntly than I'd like.
"Ungrateful as ever." Piper added under her breath.
"I didn't mean it that way but you know what Piper? I would expect Prue to be acting like you." I told her.
She gave me another chilling look, "you deserve it."
"Yeah, I really do." It's about time I was truthful with them.
She didn't have any snidy comeback for that.
Prue sat forward, her blue eyes fixed on me. "Paige, you're my baby sister and from the second you were born I knew I had to look out for you just like I had to Piper. We may have fought when we were teenagers but it didn't mean I stopped loving you, and when you made some bad choices and we all done somethings we're not proud of I refuse to turn my back on you." She looked at our middle sister. "And as much as Piper won't admit it right now she cares just as much as me."
I tore my eyes from the intense Prue and looked at Piper who was now staring at her hands. Maybe she did care. She was always the soft one but maybe I left her hating me.
"I messed up so bad and I'd give anything to take it all back. The fighting and us falling apart." I said while trying to hold by the lump in my throat.
I spent months getting over my guilt yet here it was, back again in force.
Prue then continued, "the doctors at the clinic told me what happened after the last fight."
Great she knew. "Well, when you hit the bottom your forced to face up to things." I started biting my lip. Always do when I'm nervous or you know, plain terrified.
Piper looked up and to my surprise they weren't full of hatred or loathing but tears.
"Why don't I know any of this?" She asked with such weakness in her voice I wanted to die right there.
Prue spoke up thankfully, I don't think I could have. "It doesn't matter, Piper, but you can find out now... If you're ready."
Piper's eyes still avoided me as she nodded.
Prue then gave me a reassuring look. That I should start.
But what was there to say? I became an alcoholic because my Dad was a no show, my mum died when I was a week old and my grandmother had just died. I've done that. Blamed on the past.
The past my sisters lived through just fine.
Maybe I should go for the, I felt like an outcast 'cause I had a different dad but that's possibly the crappiest lie in this world.
Or that I was such a bitch to them. That I drank all the money I could find because of them. But again... that's just not true.
"Where do I start?" My voice is very shakey and unsure.
"After the fight." Answered Piper's equally as distressed voice.
I swallowed hard. We were about to jump in at the deep end.
"I went out on a two day binge and decided I couldn't keep living... at all. So... I took a bunch of pa... pain killers. I uh... picked a party to do this though, so someone found me and called an ambulance. Three days of a continual hang over."
"Why did you never call us?" Prue asked with a look of curiousity on her face.
"Would you have cared?" I realised how calous that sounded and moved on quickly. "Plus... I was out of it the entire time. Possibly the reason I agreed to go into Rehab."
Prue pushed further. "But why not then? You were there for a while Paige, why not call us, tell us... something."
"Because I couldn't handle rejection. It took me until a few weeks ago to even contemplate talking to one of you."
I could see Prue holding herelf back. It was a pointles arguement.
"Well, why did it take so long for the clinic to call?"
"They wouldn't because I never wanted them too and they had no obligation to until they let me go. They make sure you have somewhere to go."
Everyone went silent but it wasn't that 'oh god my mouth won't say anything' silence, rather the 'let's all take a moment to process this.'
"You're 20, you're meant to be in college not a recovering alcoholic." Piper said with a mix of sadness and bitterness in her voice.
Well, the night's pain just increased. "Out of sight, Out of mind, huh?" I said fidgiting with the cousion.
She just stared at me confused.
"I'm 21, Piper." Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
She stood up and began to walk away. "I can't do this."
Standing up I emotionally let out, "No, you do not get to walk away."
Prue seemed to back me up, "She's right Piper. We have to talk about this sometime."
Piper turnd around, her face was red her eyes were soaked with tears and in that second I forgot about it all. She was my big sister and I just wanted to hug her and make the crying stop.
"Talk about how much of a mess this family is? Talk about how bad a sister I am?! Or maybe the fact that we're all strangers to each other?!"
She raised such a good point but... We were family and we always had been so we couldn't be so far apart.
"You're Piper Halliwell, 25, great chef, a sappy romantic who's the most loving person I've ever known. You're favourite movie is sleepless in seattle and you hate it when Prue makes the coffee. You're the one who let me sleep with you when I missed mom or I was scared and you're the shy girl I stuck up for all through school." I spewed out.
Taking a breath I found myself filling the silence again. "I'm still Paige Halliwell... I just screwed up and I pay for it everyday but I haven't had a personality change. I've grown up but you're still my sister and if I hadn't of told myself that everyday I don't know where I'd be."
I'm sure she made some noise, about to speak and then she turned and walked away. It was a horrible feeling. Like your hope and you're praying just kicked you in the stomach and left you to stew in your own sadness.
I let myself sink into the couch and burried my face in one of the pillow's. I promised myelf I wouldn't come home and use the sobbing technique to get back in there lifes so I held it back.
I felt a hand on my back. I forgot about Prue she must have been pretty to shocked to stay silent all that time.
She kneeled down and kissed my head. "It'll be ok." She whispered before getting up and leaving. Probably to talk to Piper.
God, I could use a drink.
bPart 2iAnd I know it hurts
But you're just getting older
And I know you'll win
You'll do it once again/i
I came down stairs, freshly dressed in Prue's Pj's. Comfy wear. A hell of a lot more comfortable than I feel.
Walking into the living room Prue gave me smile greeting. I don't know why but I'm thankful for it. Piper was brooding in the arm chair. I just want her too shout at me or hit me and get it over with.
"There's some tea for you."
"Thank you." I said to Prue before taking it in my hands, letting it heat me up.
"So, did the clinic let you out early? I was going to go pick you up at 11."
Yeah, but why was she going to do that?
"Why did you tell them that I could come here?" I asked more bluntly than I'd like.
"Ungrateful as ever." Piper added under her breath.
"I didn't mean it that way but you know what Piper? I would expect Prue to be acting like you." I told her.
She gave me another chilling look, "you deserve it."
"Yeah, I really do." It's about time I was truthful with them.
She didn't have any snidy comeback for that.
Prue sat forward, her blue eyes fixed on me. "Paige, you're my baby sister and from the second you were born I knew I had to look out for you just like I had to Piper. We may have fought when we were teenagers but it didn't mean I stopped loving you, and when you made some bad choices and we all done somethings we're not proud of I refuse to turn my back on you." She looked at our middle sister. "And as much as Piper won't admit it right now she cares just as much as me."
I tore my eyes from the intense Prue and looked at Piper who was now staring at her hands. Maybe she did care. She was always the soft one but maybe I left her hating me.
"I messed up so bad and I'd give anything to take it all back. The fighting and us falling apart." I said while trying to hold by the lump in my throat.
I spent months getting over my guilt yet here it was, back again in force.
Prue then continued, "the doctors at the clinic told me what happened after the last fight."
Great she knew. "Well, when you hit the bottom your forced to face up to things." I started biting my lip. Always do when I'm nervous or you know, plain terrified.
Piper looked up and to my surprise they weren't full of hatred or loathing but tears.
"Why don't I know any of this?" She asked with such weakness in her voice I wanted to die right there.
Prue spoke up thankfully, I don't think I could have. "It doesn't matter, Piper, but you can find out now... If you're ready."
Piper's eyes still avoided me as she nodded.
Prue then gave me a reassuring look. That I should start.
But what was there to say? I became an alcoholic because my Dad was a no show, my mum died when I was a week old and my grandmother had just died. I've done that. Blamed on the past.
The past my sisters lived through just fine.
Maybe I should go for the, I felt like an outcast 'cause I had a different dad but that's possibly the crappiest lie in this world.
Or that I was such a bitch to them. That I drank all the money I could find because of them. But again... that's just not true.
"Where do I start?" My voice is very shakey and unsure.
"After the fight." Answered Piper's equally as distressed voice.
I swallowed hard. We were about to jump in at the deep end.
"I went out on a two day binge and decided I couldn't keep living... at all. So... I took a bunch of pa... pain killers. I uh... picked a party to do this though, so someone found me and called an ambulance. Three days of a continual hang over."
"Why did you never call us?" Prue asked with a look of curiousity on her face.
"Would you have cared?" I realised how calous that sounded and moved on quickly. "Plus... I was out of it the entire time. Possibly the reason I agreed to go into Rehab."
Prue pushed further. "But why not then? You were there for a while Paige, why not call us, tell us... something."
"Because I couldn't handle rejection. It took me until a few weeks ago to even contemplate talking to one of you."
I could see Prue holding herelf back. It was a pointles arguement.
"Well, why did it take so long for the clinic to call?"
"They wouldn't because I never wanted them too and they had no obligation to until they let me go. They make sure you have somewhere to go."
Everyone went silent but it wasn't that 'oh god my mouth won't say anything' silence, rather the 'let's all take a moment to process this.'
"You're 20, you're meant to be in college not a recovering alcoholic." Piper said with a mix of sadness and bitterness in her voice.
Well, the night's pain just increased. "Out of sight, Out of mind, huh?" I said fidgiting with the cousion.
She just stared at me confused.
"I'm 21, Piper." Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
She stood up and began to walk away. "I can't do this."
Standing up I emotionally let out, "No, you do not get to walk away."
Prue seemed to back me up, "She's right Piper. We have to talk about this sometime."
Piper turnd around, her face was red her eyes were soaked with tears and in that second I forgot about it all. She was my big sister and I just wanted to hug her and make the crying stop.
"Talk about how much of a mess this family is? Talk about how bad a sister I am?! Or maybe the fact that we're all strangers to each other?!"
She raised such a good point but... We were family and we always had been so we couldn't be so far apart.
"You're Piper Halliwell, 25, great chef, a sappy romantic who's the most loving person I've ever known. You're favourite movie is sleepless in seattle and you hate it when Prue makes the coffee. You're the one who let me sleep with you when I missed mom or I was scared and you're the shy girl I stuck up for all through school." I spewed out.
Taking a breath I found myself filling the silence again. "I'm still Paige Halliwell... I just screwed up and I pay for it everyday but I haven't had a personality change. I've grown up but you're still my sister and if I hadn't of told myself that everyday I don't know where I'd be."
I'm sure she made some noise, about to speak and then she turned and walked away. It was a horrible feeling. Like your hope and you're praying just kicked you in the stomach and left you to stew in your own sadness.
I let myself sink into the couch and burried my face in one of the pillow's. I promised myelf I wouldn't come home and use the sobbing technique to get back in there lifes so I held it back.
I felt a hand on my back. I forgot about Prue she must have been pretty to shocked to stay silent all that time.
She kneeled down and kissed my head. "It'll be ok." She whispered before getting up and leaving. Probably to talk to Piper.
God, I could use a drink.