Disclaimer: Yeah, I know I said I wasn't gonna put anymore disclaimers, but hey! I don't wanna get sued! I don't own RK or American Pie 2!

Chapter 3:

"Who Says You Can't Teach An Old Dog New Tricks?"

"This is the place you rented?" Kenshin breathed, looking about the beach house with astonished awe, his mouth wide open as he examined the place from the first floor, looking up at all the exquisite features of the place, "It's like a palace, that it is."

"Woohoo! I get to choose my room first!" Sanosuke shouted as he ran up the stairs, interrupting the quiet admiration Kenshin, Yahiko, and Saito had fallen into as they entered the house. "Hah! Master bedroom's mine!"

"You moron, you can't just call master bedroom," Saito grumbled, tossing his cigarette down on the floor and he ground it down with his foot. He had wanted the master bedroom all for himself. Master bedroom automatically equaled the most bed action and he really wanted some of that. The fact that Sanosuke had now even stepped inside the room made Saito give it up without any hesitation. He'd rather have your average-Joe bedroom than have to stay in one that the moron had set foot in.

"I'm raiding the fridge!" Yahiko yelled, pushing past Saito in his effort to rush over to the refrigerator. He hoped that the last renter had left them some kind of welcome gift, a basket of cheese, a box of cookies... it didn't matter, just as long as it was edible! But what was in the fridge instead was a little over the top.

Pulling out a nice bottle of aged champagne, Yahiko grinned, nodding his head in approval. "Oh yeah, baby!" he exclaimed, lifting the bottle up in the air as if to use it as a flag and claim a spot of newfound land, "Time to get drunk!"

"Yahiko, maybe we should save that for a special occasion," Kenshin suggested. If there were going to be women around the house soon then they might as well give them the best drink they could offer, and right now, that leftover champagne was it. Kenshin saw Saito cringe at the sight of the alcohol bottle and he bit his lip to keep from laughing out right at him. And not just a regular old chuckle, but more like an outburst of cracking up and pointing at him, but Kenshin decided against it. He knew better than to mess with Hajime Saito, who was capable of tackling even the three-hundred pound, Toramaru, captain of the wrestling team at Jinchuu. Now if, Saito could tackle someone two times Kenshin's weight, he'd hate to think what he could do with a puny little guy like him. Besides, that, he was already on Saito's bad side about the whole Kaoru thing, and he wasn't going for aggravating Saito's hate for him anymore than necessary.

"I don't think I'll be up for any champagne any time soon," Saito said, keeping his dignity in place as he picked up his things and headed upstairs, passing Sanosuke, who was on his way back down, "Move it, moron!"

Sanosuke frowned at the man, rolling his eyes as he let the insult pass. Actually, the name wasn't even really considered an insult anymore, more like just Saito's way of saying his name. If it had bothered him before, Sanosuke could care less now. He went back down the steps, shrugging his shoulders at Saito's less-than-grateful attitude for bringing him along and he stood in front of Kenshin and Yahiko, who had still not even gone upstairs yet.

"Are you two just gonna stand there and wait for the roof to fall in so you can see the rest of the house?" Sanosuke asked, grinning at them as Kenshin gave him a blank expression and Yahiko popped the cork to the champagne bottle, causing at least a third of it to bubble over.

"Screw special occasion!" Yahiko announced, lifting his glass up in the air in toast before he swung it to his lips and drank it down to a fourth of the bottle, "I wanna get drunk already! hiccup Whoa... You guys have gotta try this! This shit is pretty strong... hiccup"

Kenshin and Sanosuke exchanged worried glances. They both knew just how low Yahiko's tolerance of alcohol was and he was now, undoubtedly, smashed. And besides that, the champagne on the floor that he had spilled was probably already starting to get sticky. Jeez, they had just arrived and already they had made a mess.

Sanosuke and Kenshin watched Yahiko as he swaggered over to them, trying to pick up his luggage, but missing by a mile, and he tripped over an imaginary kink in the rug. Sanosuke and Kenshin winced as he hit the floor, but made no move to help him. Yahiko got weird when he was drunk. Why last time there was even a big contemplation of what sex Yahiko was really interested in... (Let's not go into detail about that though...) Sanosuke and Kenshin stood their ground as he got back up and wandered over to them. They were ready for anything.

"Dudes, I just wanted to say that hiccup I love you guys!" Except that.

"You all rock! hiccup And you know what?!" Yahiko slurred, stumbling about as he tried his best to stand erect, "Tsubame's coming back to Tokyo in a month! hiccup And she wants to get it on with me... And that's a hiccup big problem 'cause I'm lousy in bed! hiccup"

"Yahiko, how could you possibly know that?" Kenshin asked, the idea of knowing your own martial status in the bedroom sounding quite impossible to him, "I think you are just too drunk right now, Yahiko. You're just not thinking too clear, that you aren't."

"Hey! I ain't...!" Yahiko paused, tilting his head to the side in confusion, "Wait... What'd you call me...?" Kenshin and Sanosuke sweat dropped... again.

"Well, you know, there's only one person that actually knows just how bad you are," Sanosuke said, taking a seat in the soft leather couch, "So where is Misao this summer anyway?"

"Well, I'm not sure, but I think I have a pretty good idea..." Yahiko said, plopping down in the seat next to him, champagne bottle still in hand, "I've tried talking to her though, hiccup but I never got a hold of her after prom. hiccup"

"Come on, Yahiko," Sanosuke said, getting up from his seat and then helping his drunken friend to his feet, "I'll drive you over to East Falls band camp." Sanosuke took out his car keys and swung them about on his index finger like a helicopter, but he immediately stopped when the phone rang.

All three guys' eyes widened as they stared at the phone, all hoping that maybe it was either Tsubame, Megumi, or Kaoru on the other end. They all turned to look at each other one last time before lunging for it, tripping over each other in the process and landing in a heap on the hardwood floor.

"ORO!"

"Get off me!"

"Dude, hiccup your elbow's digging into my... uh... hiccup leg thingy that's attached to... hiccup Oh hell! Just get up!"

Not wanting to pass up the opportunity to mock them, Saito casually strolled down the stairs and over to the phone, stepping on the three men on the floor as he did this and picked it up on the third ring.

"Hello? Saito's house of meat popsicles. You pick 'em, we stick 'em," Saito answered, then paused to listen to the person on the other line, turning around so that Sanosuke, Yahiko and Kenshin couldn't hear everything, "Oh, you are? Yeah, we have tons of room here. That's fine, it's just me and the idiots... Sure, you can bring your friends. Uh huh, yeah. Okay, see you then."

Saito hung up the phone and stepped on all three of them again to get back to his room, all the while leaving the dismantled group widely curious as to who was on the phone.

"Saito, was that your...?" Kenshin asked, his hopes soaring high that it had been Kaoru on the phone, but he was shut up by Saito continuing up the stairs, a particular finger pointing up in the air. Saito hadn't even bothered to look at him as he made his way up the stairs and he called back without even turning around.

"Go choke some dick, Shit-Break," Saito called, then closed the door to his room with a slam.

"Touch-y...hiccup" Yahiko said as he got up and helped Kenshin and Sanosuke to their feet, dusting himself off and he clapped his hands together once he was done, "Still up for makin' a trip to band camp?" Sanosuke and Kenshin only smiled in answer and Sano patting Yahiko on the back as they made their way out to his car.

Music blared from trumpets, flutes, saxophones, and just about every other instrument ever invented on Earth. It was all coordinated and rehearsed, practically perfect in every aspect, all besides the fact that it was the most boring thing Yahiko, Sanosuke, and Kenshin had ever been to. Kenshin tried his best to smile at the ongoing parade of band camp students, but it faltered after about two minutes of standing there and being forced to listen to the same song being played over and over again. Sanosuke placed his hands in his pockets, trying not to nod off and accomplish the goal of falling asleep standing straight up. Yahiko, however, was repeatedly jumping up in the air to overlook the amazing crowd of people with instruments, but he couldn't see Misao anywhere. There was absolutely no way she wasn't here, after all, band camp was, according to Misao, her entire life. Yahiko sighed and pushed his way through the numerous band geeks as he made his way further into the population. Sanosuke and Kenshin shrugged, calling out that they would wait in the car and they headed back to the parking lot so Yahiko could spend some catch-up time with his former stalker.

Yahiko walked past a young boy, but he immediately ran back to ask for directions as soon as he noticed that the boy was carrying a flute.

"Excuse me, do you know where I could find Misao Makimachi?" Yahiko asked and the boy only stared back at him blankly, "Uh, did you hear me?"

"We're not supposed to have guests here at band camp because this one time, here, we had a visitor and he made us play this game. I dunno if you know it, but it's called Spin the Bottle and we had to kiss people on the lips! I had no idea what I was doing, so I just kept playing and playing and nobody knew what I was doing and it was so funny!" the boy rambled on and on, making Yahiko dizzy with the familiar feeling of being overwhelmed with too many stories.

"Okay, you've got to know Misao," Yahiko concluded, the obvious connection between the two band camp goers making him feel extremely uncomfortable, "Look, just tell me where I can find her and I'll tell you what you can do for fun with your music sheets, okay?"

"She's teaching the girls their flute lessons out in the forest. If you reach the tall oak, then you've gone too far," the boy said, pointing in the direction Yahiko was supposed to take.

"Thanks, kid," Yahiko said and he jogged over to the sound of flutes tooting in the distant trees in the forest, ignoring the kid's shouts of what interesting things he could do with music sheets.

Yahiko ran until the oak tree was only a foot away and the sounds of playing flutes were behind the bushes. 'I can't just go over there like this,' Yahiko thought, frantically looking for something he could use to blend in to the crowds and he grabbed a spare trumpet lying on the ground behind him, 'Here we go. Misao should be just behind these bushes.' Yahiko pushed the shrubs aside and stepped out into the clearing, when suddenly a huge crowd of people broke out in applause at his appearance.

'What the...?!' Yahiko thought, his eyes scanning over the crowds in search of his old prom date, but a voice to his left grabbed his attention.

"Yahiko!" Misao hissed, dressed up for concert band with a flute in her hand, "What are you doing here?!" She definitely recognized her old prom date. How could she forget?! Yahiko was a one of a kind guy and yet, here he was at band camp, without any knowledge whatsoever on how to play the trumpet and he was impersonating the mentally challenged boy, Petey, that was supposed to play for the audience. What he was doing here, Misao had no idea, but she had a feeling that it had something to do with her. 'Yahiko, I'd like to see yourself get out of this one,' Misao thought, slapping her hand to her forehead as she watched Yahiko stare wide-eyed back at the crowd, too scared to think straight.

"Hey, isn't that Yahiko?" Sanosuke asked, turning to Kenshin on his left. The two of them heard about a concert that was going to be played as soon as the 'star' came and they were both very surprised to see Yahiko on stage.

"ORO?! It is!" Kenshin exclaimed in surprise as he watched Yahiko fidget on stage, shifting uncomfortably from his right foot to his left, "I guess he's gonna have to play as the special child, that he is."

"Yeah!!!" Sanosuke suddenly shouted from the silent crowd, his yell cutting through the silence like a razor sharp knife as he stood from his seat, and Yahiko sweat dropped, "Go, Petey!! You can do it, buddy! Petey! Petey! Petey!" Sanosuke started to chant; Kenshin following in his chanting only seconds later, and soon enough, the entire crowd was yelling for Petey, erm... Yahiko.

Yahiko's face lost it's pale expression, the encouragement raising a new confidence inside him, and he nodded his head with them in agreement. 'If I'm gonna go along with this charade, I might as well finish it with a big bang!' Yahiko thought and he lifted his hand up in a rock and roll sign.

"Yeaaaaaaah! Rock and roll, dude!" Yahiko shouted above the crowd, finally getting into his act and he put his hands up in the air. Even Misao was smiling as she watched him place the trumpet to his lips and blow as hard as he could. The crowd sat back down, listening to "Petey" play, huge smiles on their faces. Sanosuke and Kenshin almost burst out laughing as Yahiko got really into the performance and he began dancing around on stage as he continued to toot his horn. Trumpet music? Hah! A four year old could come up with better music out of his ass! Yahiko was an unorthodox dancer, trumpeting his way in circles, marching a little as he went, all the while pulling in and out the small bar of the trumpet to increase the volume. It was more than obvious that he had no idea what the hell he was doing, but the crowd decided that being a "special" child, what did they really expect. After a good ten minutes of tooting, Yahiko let out one last big one, and finally finished with a shimmy jazz hands.

The crowd politely clapped at the unusual, but still very entertaining performance by the mentally retarded eleven year old boy named Petey that they thought had just performed. Sano and Kenshin stood up to give their friend a standing ovation.

"Yeah, baby, yeah! Thank you, East Falls, you're beautiful!" Yahiko shouted and the whole crowd stood to it's feet at his compliment, clapping and cheering for him, "Yeah! My name is Petey! And I have gigantic balls! Who's your daddy, East Falls?! Who's your daddy?!"

The crowd fell silent, everyone cautiously sitting back down as Yahiko finally realized the error in what he said. 'Holy shit...' Yahiko thought as he slowly backed away, dropping the trumpet on the ground, and he darted off stage as fast as he could with about two dozen band camp instructors at his heels. Shocked, Misao stood up and ran after him, ignoring the confused stares from her band mates as she ran off the stage as well.

In the audience, Sanosuke was the first to stand. Slowly, he rose from his seat and he began a slow clap, the speed increasing as well as the volume and everyone turned back to stare at him. He continued clapping anyway and he cheered his friend on even though he was a whole ways away already.

"Yeah, you do! You be proud of your balls!" Sanosuke shouted, causing the entire crowd to gape at him and in finally realizing that fact, Sanosuke's clapping slowed. Flashing the crowd a nervous smile, he turned to Kenshin, who was now so low in his chair that Sanosuke barely saw him. "Uh... Okay, Kenshin, let's get outta here..." He picked the shorter man up by his shirt sleeve and they both cautiously walked out of the stadium, all eyes on them, and after a few slow steps, they bolted as soon as they were close enough to the exit.

Yahiko leaned against the tall oak tree, completely out of breath, and he straightened up when a herd of angry band camp supervisors ran by, mumbling to themselves about how they couldn't stand American foreigners. Yahiko relaxed as soon as they were out of ear shot, closing his eyes and breathing a sigh of relief that he was safe.

"Yahiko?" Misao whispered cautiously, edging forward into the forest, right behind the large tree, "Yahiko, where are you?"

"Misao!" Yahiko exclaimed, jumping out from behind the tree, startling Misao practically out of her skin and she fell backwards onto the dirt floor, "Uh... you okay?"

"Don't scare me like that!" Misao whispered harshly, rubbing her sore bottom as she got up from her place on the ground, "It'd be just like this one time, uh... here, when there was this guy named Ryo and he was my date for a dance. And he just jumped out of nowhere to surprise me and I screamed and everyone laughed at me, but I didn't care because it was so funny! Anyway, I lost my point... Oh yeah! What are you doing here?"

"Misao, this is gonna be really random, but I just need to know. Do you remember that night we spent together after prom?" Yahiko asked, taking hold of her shoulders so he could help her back up, "I mean, do you remember how my uh... performance was? Like was I any good or what?"

"Oh, that! Wow! How could I forget?!" Misao exclaimed. Yahiko took this as a good sign, but his pride was squished down to the size of a pea at the next thing she said. "You sucked ass! You had no idea what the heck you were doing, and... and I don't think you even knew which direction you were going! Yeah, you sucked... like totally."

"Excuse me? I sucked...? Totally?" Yahiko repeated, crossing his hands over his chest in defense, "Uh huh, okay... Awful, bad, horrible... Wait, was it like a I-can-put-up-with-it kind of bad or a bad-bad kind of bad?" Misao couldn't see it, but Yahiko had crossed his fingers behind his back.

"It was a bad-bad kind of bad," Misao answered honestly, then suddenly realizing that she had hurt his feelings, she drew back, "Oh! I'm sorry! I mean..! Oh, Jesus... Well, uh... I've had worse if that makes you feel any better."

"No, not really," Yahiko said. He suddenly wished that he hadn't come here at all, that he could have just stayed at the beach house and waited until Tsubame came so she could judge for herself. Finding out that he was even worse a lover than he first thought wasn't exactly Yahiko's best pep talk and Misao trying to apologize for it was only adding to the agony. "No, actually, hearing that you've had worse doesn't help at all," Yahiko continued, tucking his hands in his pockets, "Cause this guy or guys that were worse than me could've been like drunk or high somehow and you know what? I was stone sober! They were probably so bad because they were stoned and/or drunk off their asses and now I don't have an excuse for sucking in bed!"

"Well, uh... I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have told you like that. But, I can give you a few pointers and suggestions if you like," Misao offered. She felt bad about telling him just how awful he really was and the truth hurts. The least she could do was tell him how he could improve his skills; what little he had anyway. Besides, she felt sorry for him, being in such a depressed state he was in made her a little more cautious of how she worded herself. Misao didn't want to wake up in the morning and read about how he jumped off a building because he was such a terrible sex partner. She could see the headline now, "Teenager Finally Loses It When Discovers Lack of Sex Expertise." Misao cringed at the thought.

"Really?! So you'll help me out?" Yahiko asked excitedly, "That is so great! 'Cause there's this girl coming to see me in about a month and she's probably gonna wanna ahem you know... and I'm kinda trying to prepare for it."

"Okay, well, go to my house in a week, band camp will be over by then and then I can give you lessons or something!" Misao said, "We can go figure out how you're gonna knock the socks off that girl! Actually, no, if you're having sex you probably already have your socks off... Oh never mind! I'll talk to you in a week!"

Misao waved as she ran off to the stadium again, Yahiko waving at her back as she disappeared into the blind spot of the forest to continue her performance. Misao jogged back over to the camp site, her hair bouncing at every step she took. She smiled openly to herself at the idea of teaching Yahiko how to be a raging sex machine. It wasn't going to be easy, but she would try her best.

A/N: So how was it? Did it suck ass? Haha! Okay, well lemme know. Click that button and gimme a review so I can update some more. Next chapter, "Overly Excited" featuring... bum bum bum! The lesbians! gasps No really, I didn't go into that much detail... I swear!