Something New
Chapter 6
Lilith
I walked back slowly from Cafe Nervosa thinking about the conversation Nils and I had just had, I felt better for having told him but I still had to tell Frasier and that would be by far the more difficult part. I ran over scenarios in my head over and over again, should I take him out for dinner so he couldn't make a scene? Should I tell him as soon as I got back to his apartment, be upfront and honest as I had been with Niles? Should I tell him at all?
"No" I dismissed the thought of not telling him outloud, as much as it scared me I was going to have to face losing him, my one and only friend, because of a stupid mistake I had made, I am sure that most other people have lost friends because of silly little mistakes, but this was different, Frasier is all I have and my mistake was pretty huge. If I was dishonest with him it would be the final nail in the coffin of any relationship I may have left with him. I actually haven't spoken to him since leaving the hotel room that morning so I have no idea how he will even react to my being in Seattle.
Time really gets away from you when you are lost in you own thoughts and before I knew it I was outside Frasier's building, The Bayview Towers. The doormman recognizes me and lets me through without question and while waiting for the elevator I decide to tell Frasier the truth as soon as I get upstairs, it is better to have him deal with it now rather then later on.
My hands are shaking and I am am feeling nausous by the time the elevator climbs the 19 floors to Frasier's apartment when the elevator stops my legs don't want to move, they are like stone, but I will them to move forward, I knock on the door and Daphne answers lettng me in she seems less agitated than before by my presence. Just then Frasier comes stormimg out of the hallway near what I assume must be Daphne's room, he walks half way across the living room and stops dead, I look down wanting to avoid making eye contact with him, but when I look up he is still there standing in the middle of the room with a look in his eyes I have never seen before, A look that scared me, that told me, without words that he knew. Then he stormed off towards his room.
I feel the bile rise to the back of my thoat for the second time today and before I can think, before I could move, I retch and vomit all over the rug, not once but twice, I was going to vomit again so I ran to the bathroom and leant over the toilet but nothing happened, I sink back on the floor feeling drained. This was not supposed to have happened, not like this, how does he even know? "Frederick" I thought out loud, he told him. I can not blame him though, I didn't tell Frederick not to tell Frasier.
I get up off the floor deciding to face Frasier now instead of later. I walk out into the living room and stand still for a second watching Daphne clean up my mess. Then I walk into the hall that leads to Frasier's bedroom. I try lift my hand to knock on the door but it won't move, afarid Frasier might hear me I quietly walk back down the corridor and into the living room. "Lilith, are you alright?" Daphne asked me as I grabbed my coat.
"Um, Daphne," I ask shakily, I had a feeling that she didn't like me all that much but I was desperate for someone to put my life in perspective, to tell me that I had the right thing, that was another thing Frasier was brilliant for, another thing I had all but lost, he always knew how to make me feel good about myself and the decisions I made. "Can we talk?"
Chapter 6
Lilith
I walked back slowly from Cafe Nervosa thinking about the conversation Nils and I had just had, I felt better for having told him but I still had to tell Frasier and that would be by far the more difficult part. I ran over scenarios in my head over and over again, should I take him out for dinner so he couldn't make a scene? Should I tell him as soon as I got back to his apartment, be upfront and honest as I had been with Niles? Should I tell him at all?
"No" I dismissed the thought of not telling him outloud, as much as it scared me I was going to have to face losing him, my one and only friend, because of a stupid mistake I had made, I am sure that most other people have lost friends because of silly little mistakes, but this was different, Frasier is all I have and my mistake was pretty huge. If I was dishonest with him it would be the final nail in the coffin of any relationship I may have left with him. I actually haven't spoken to him since leaving the hotel room that morning so I have no idea how he will even react to my being in Seattle.
Time really gets away from you when you are lost in you own thoughts and before I knew it I was outside Frasier's building, The Bayview Towers. The doormman recognizes me and lets me through without question and while waiting for the elevator I decide to tell Frasier the truth as soon as I get upstairs, it is better to have him deal with it now rather then later on.
My hands are shaking and I am am feeling nausous by the time the elevator climbs the 19 floors to Frasier's apartment when the elevator stops my legs don't want to move, they are like stone, but I will them to move forward, I knock on the door and Daphne answers lettng me in she seems less agitated than before by my presence. Just then Frasier comes stormimg out of the hallway near what I assume must be Daphne's room, he walks half way across the living room and stops dead, I look down wanting to avoid making eye contact with him, but when I look up he is still there standing in the middle of the room with a look in his eyes I have never seen before, A look that scared me, that told me, without words that he knew. Then he stormed off towards his room.
I feel the bile rise to the back of my thoat for the second time today and before I can think, before I could move, I retch and vomit all over the rug, not once but twice, I was going to vomit again so I ran to the bathroom and leant over the toilet but nothing happened, I sink back on the floor feeling drained. This was not supposed to have happened, not like this, how does he even know? "Frederick" I thought out loud, he told him. I can not blame him though, I didn't tell Frederick not to tell Frasier.
I get up off the floor deciding to face Frasier now instead of later. I walk out into the living room and stand still for a second watching Daphne clean up my mess. Then I walk into the hall that leads to Frasier's bedroom. I try lift my hand to knock on the door but it won't move, afarid Frasier might hear me I quietly walk back down the corridor and into the living room. "Lilith, are you alright?" Daphne asked me as I grabbed my coat.
"Um, Daphne," I ask shakily, I had a feeling that she didn't like me all that much but I was desperate for someone to put my life in perspective, to tell me that I had the right thing, that was another thing Frasier was brilliant for, another thing I had all but lost, he always knew how to make me feel good about myself and the decisions I made. "Can we talk?"