DISCLAIMER: I've never known the joy of owning FF7 characters. (They're Squaresofts.)
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Hopefully this'll be a really good chapter! I'm still struggling with writers block, so sorry if you'll be forced to wait longer than usually for my updates. Plot wise there are some pretty depressing chapters ahead. I always try to lighten the atmosphere with a little humour, though I'm not sure if anybody can tell. _ There are some major surprises ahead!! ..Not to mention: major A/S angst!! (Notice: I haven't had a chance to check for spelling errors, so there are bound to be some. I always try to fix them later on, so try not to let them bother you.)
CHAPTER 26.
If I name my guilt, 'tis
not to boast,
None can deem me harshlier than I deem:
I trace this scrawl because I cannot rest-
I've nothing to reproach or to request.
- Lord Byron -
"They've escaped?" Rufus walked back and forth in front of a window in the headquarters of his temporary base, annoyed by the sudden turn of events. He didn't have the Black materia, his air-ship nor the two imprisoned AVALANCHEr's.
"Yes Sir. Apparently they stole the air-ship.. We haven't been able to follow them." The SOLDIER explained.
"I see.." Rufus nodded in his thoughts. His situation looked hopeless, but he wanted to believe he could still do something about it. "You'd better call for another ship to pick us up.." Rufus ordered, and turned to face the scenery behind a large window. The tall palm-trees by the beach were swaying in a gust of wind. It looked like there was a storm rising from the sea, it would be likely to hit Mideel during the night. "I want us out of here before the morning." He announced, and heard the SOLDIER's run off from the room to complete the task they had been given.
"Oh dear.. Looks like daddy's shoes were a little too big for you after all.." Scarlet laughed from a chair nearby.
"Shut up." Rufus glared at her. "This is only a temporary setback. The project is still on schedule." He continued with a determined voice.
"So how are you going to get the Materia back?" Scarlet asked.
"Maybe we don't have to.. All we really have to do, is make sure AVALANCHE doesn't get it." Rufus shrugged. "And then of course, we'll have to kill that.. creation of Hojo's, Zenobius." He added, running his fingers through his hair.
"Maybe you're right.." Scarlet smiled maliciously. "But you do realize, how this'll look? Not very professional.." She walked closer to Rufus, and turned his head with her fingers. "I sure hope daddy won't have you grounded for too long.." She whispered, brushing her long red fingernails against Rufus' skin.
* * * * *
"How are you feeling?" Tifa turned to look at Aeris. She was sitting on top of a rock next to her, looking tired.
"I'm good." Aeris smiled.
"I wonder which of them is going to catch a chocobo first." Tifa heaved a sigh, as the eyes of the two women returned to Cloud and Sephiroth, glaring at each other every chance they got. The two men had been trying to catch chocobos for the last hour or so, without much luck. They hadn't seen but one chocobo the entire day, and it had escaped.
"I bet Red's at the Canyon already.. with the others." Aeris sighed.
"Yeah." Tifa nodded. The sun had reached the highest point on the sky, and it was shining brightly down at the AVALANCHEr's. The air was completely still, there wasn't even the weakest gust of wind. "It sure is hot today." Tifa glanced at Aeris, who seemed to be shivering of cold despite the heat that lingered in the air. She was worried about the pink-clad woman, who's condition seemed to be deteriorating quite rapidly. Only 24 hours ago she had been in total health.
"Stop trying to steal my chocobos!" Cloud raised his voice at Sephiroth.
"Yours? I didn't see a nametag on it." The silver haired man smirked.
"I was just about to catch it!" Cloud shouted.
"Yeah right." Sephiroth laughed dryly, and turned his back at Cloud.
The blonde man just glared at Sephiroth's back, and continued searching for chocobos midst the tall, dry hay. "There's nothing here!" He shouted at Tifa, and the dark-haired girl just shrugged back at him.
"Try another spot." She suggested, and turned back to Aeris. The two women were talking on a rock, that was shadowed by a cliff behind it. Tifa had chosen the location, guessing it might take a while to catch fast moving animals like chocobo's on such a hot weather. The yellow birds seemed to be so on edge, that they ran away at the first hint of danger. At least Tifa thought, she and Aeris wouldn't get a sunstroke while waiting.
"You don't have to keep me company, Tifa." Aeris suddenly spoke up. "Go help Cloud.. I'll be fine." She smiled.
"No, don't be silly. I'd much rather sit here in the shadow than run around chasing birds." Tifa laughed, and shook her head at the thought.
"Tifa.." The tone of Aeris' voice suddenly changed.
"What is it?" Tifa asked, a deeply concearned look shadowing her features.
"If something happens to me.." Aeris spoke while keeping her eyes at Sephiroth, who was standing in the shadows, listening very carefully for any chocobo footfalls.
"Hey, don't talk like that," Tifa frowned, "you're going to be fine. Bugenhagen must have a cure for whatever it is that you have.. He's been studying the Planet for years!" She continued, a protective look in her eyes. Even if she had only known Aeris a short while, they had become good friends. Tifa certainly didn't want anything bad to happen to her.
"Maybe.. but promise me." Aeris turned her gaze at Tifa again, a very serious, pleading look in her eyes.
"Sure.. What is it?" Tifa asked.
"Promise me.. you'll make sure nothing happens to Sephiroth if I.." Aeris swallowed, and closed her eyes.
"Hey.." Tifa pulled Aeris to her arms, and hugged her. "We're not gonna let you die." She said, and the determination in her voice was very clear.
"Promise me." Aeris repeated, as she pulled back from Tifa.
The two women stared at each other, and Tifa silently prayed she'd never have to deliver her promise. "I will.. Don't worry." She promised, and smiled as light-heartedly as she could.
"I got one." Sephiroth spoke from somewhere closeby, and both Tifa and Aeris turned their eyes at him. The silver haired man was holding a black chocobo by it's reins, while standing a few feet away from Aeris.
"Figures he'd get a black one.." Tifa muttered under her breath, but Aeris seemed to brighten up by the sight of the bird.
"Oh you remembered!" Aeris smiled, while clasping her hands together. "Black chocobo's are my favourite! Isn't he sweet!" She glanced at Tifa quizzically.
I could think of a few words to describe Sephiroth, Tifa thought, but sweet was certainly not one of them. "Yeah.. sweet." She glared at Sephiroth, who was more interested in Aeris' condition at the moment. While he exchanged a few words with Aeris, Tifa searched for Cloud. She noticed he was walking closer to them, pulling a green chocobo behind him.
"It looks like we're ready to go." Tifa glanced at Aeris and Sephiroth, who were still discussing something. For a brief moment, Tifa thought Sephiroth looked rather like a normal person talking with his girlfriend.
The four AVALANCHEr's got quickly on the chocobo's, and set out for Cosmo Canyon. It would take them at least a few hours to reach the town. Tifa and Cloud led the way, while Sephiroth and Aeris followed only a few steps behind.
"Sephy.." Aeris suddenly asked. She was sitting behind Sephiroth, while he steered the black chocobo through some quite challenging terrain.
"Yes..?" Sephiroth asked, while their chocobo leaped over a small breach in the rock ground.
"Where do you think we'll be, in five years? or ten?" Aeris asked in a small voice.
"..I don't know.. I don't think about the future that much." Sephiroth snorted, and steered the black bird down a steep mountain side.
"You don't?" Aeris bit her lip. "I didn't either.." She continued, pressing her head against Sephiroth's back. "But now suddenly I find myself having all these plans and.. what if I don't get well?" Aeris voiced her thoughts, a little bit sad undertone in her voice.
"You will."
Sephiroth's voice was pure determination, and Aeris believed him. After all, she had seen the things he could do. There probably wasn't a thing Sephiroth couldn't accomplish, if he really put his mind to it..
"It's just.. I never knew there were so many things I'd want to do with my life.." Aeris continued to speak, and Sephiroth listened to her words while he kept an eye on Tifa's and Cloud's chocobo, galloping a bit further away.
"Like what?" Sephiroth asked, as Aeris fell silent again. Listening to her voice was somehow soothing to him, and it kept a strange anger at bay. Ever since Sephiroth had heard of Aeris' illness, he had felt the familiar darkness rising at the back of his mind. It was the darkness that enabled him to do horrible things.. It forced him to destroy others to relieve the aching in his own heart.
"I don't know.. I'd like to go dancing in a ballroom, visit places all around the world.. Buy a house.. Have a family of my own.. and children. You know, the normal life." Aeris heaved a sigh. "When I was a teenager, I used to swear I'd never get married.. But now that I'm older.. I guess it would be nice to share my life with a someone I love." Aeris said, and chuckled. "Oh, wipe that horrified look off of your face, Sephiroth.. I'm not asking you to marry me!" She laughed. "It's just.. When you find the right person.. It all just comes to place you know.. Like a big puzzle, and you can suddenly see all these new possibilities.. And it overwhelms me." Aeris added thoughtfully.
Sephiroth shuddered. "I really can't imagine myself having children." He shook his head, and sighed.
"Why not?" Aeris asked. "I think you'd be a great parent. And besides, I'd love to have a few little Sephiroth's running around in my feet." She giggled.
"Oh yeah? Little Masamune wielding SOLDIER Generals to be? Are you sure there's not enough evil in the world already?" Sephiroth laughed druly.
"You really have the lowest self-esteem possible!" Aeris heaved an exasperated sigh. "But still.. I don't think I'd ever want that dream with anybody but you." She fell silent again, and held onto Sephiroth even more tightly.
"Hey, I'm not going anywhere." Sephiroth told her, and Aeris smiled sadly.
"Good. Because I couldn't bear to be apart from you." She told him, and attempted a smile.
"Hey, we're almost there!" Cloud shouted, and he and Tifa pointed at some of the buildings at Cosmo Canyon, that were already visible.
"I can't wait to get some rest.. I'm so tired." Aeris' voice was weak, as though the mere talking had drained her of all her strength. She still managed to hold onto Sephiroth for the last few meters to the village. Sephiroth stopped their black chocobo smoothly, and jumped down from it's back. He then helped Aeris down, and sweeped her off of her feet and into his arms. Sephiroth could carry her no problem, and managed to drag the reluctant black chocobo behind him too.
They rose the stairs to Cosmo Canyon, and Sephiroth handed the reins of his chocobo to a girl who had run to him and Cloud to take care of the big birds. When the girl ran away, Sephiroth noticed Aeris was pouting at him. "What?" He asked.
"That girl totally wants you." She said, and Sephiroth couldn't help but laugh at her.
"Oh please. She's fifteen!" He countered.
"So?" Aeris studied Sephiroth intensely. "You could probably get any girl you wanted." She continued.
Sephiroth felt like rolling his eyes, but the thought soon left him as Aeris coughed again, this time longer than before. "Aren't you the living proof then." Sephiroth smiled at her, and Aeris returned the gesture.
"Hey Sephiroth.. take Aeris to the Inn, we're gonna go look for Red and the others." Cloud cleared his throat, still uncomfortable with adressing Sephiroth in any other way than with pure hostility.
"Fine." Sephiroth answered, a bit confused himself. He figured it would take a long long time, before the AVALANCHEr's would learn to treat him as an equal member of their resistance movement. They were taking steps in that direction though, and at times it surprised Sephiroth. He knew, that if he was in Cloud's or Tifa's place, he'd not be so enclined to forget.. or forgive.
"Kind of weird isn't it.. Being back here again." Aeris glanced at Sephiroth, noticing the troubled look on his face.
"Yeah.." Sephiroth muttered, while he carried Aeris towards the building not far from the fireplace located at the centre of the town square.
"You have that look on your face again." Aeris' voice was soft and caring, even if she had her own health to worry about she still managed to find time to worry about Sephiroth too.
"What look." Sephiroth asked, blinking.
"That 'oh-what-have-I-done-how-could-they-ever-forgive-me' look." Aeris clarified.
"I don't--" Sephiroth silenced himself. Maybe there was no reason to deny it. He did feel guilt.. He was not a machine. But usually Sephiroth was able to control emotions like that. If he'd start hitting himself because of past mistakes, there would be no end to it. Some things could not be forgiven, and Sephiroth understood that. It was best to just live in the moment, and never reflect upon the past.
"Have you ever considered.. apologizing to them?" Aeris asked, while Sephiroth carried her into the lobby of an Inn. The owner greeted them with a welcoming smile, and led them towards a vacant room. Once the man left Aeris and Sephiroth alone in the cozy looking room, Sephiroth gave Aeris a weird look.
"That fever must really be bad.." He snorted, and lowered Aeris on top of a bed.
"I'm serious!" Aeris grabbed Sephiroth's hand, as he was about to walk away.
"I think you should.. apologize I mean.." Aeris told him, burrowing under the layers of warm blankets.
"Aeris.." Sephiroth gave her a lopsided grin. "Do you really think they'd forgive me? Or even believe in my sincerity?" He lowered his gaze, a bit shameful look in his eyes. "I'm not even sure if I want forgiveness.." He added and shook his head miserably, as though trying to force a thought out of his mind.
"Oh Sephy.." Aeris looked at him in worry. Sometimes the things she had discovered from under Sephiroth's tough exterior surprised even her, as the person there wasn't anything like the cruel killer Cloud had described. Aeris thought Sephiroth must've been a sensitive child, who had been forced to hide his true essence in fear of punishments. She didn't think he was ever the person Hojo and Shin-Ra had wanted him to be. He wasn't a killing machine..
"I should go.. Maybe they are already discussing your cure." Sephiroth turned his eyes at his hand, that Aeris was still holding in her grasp.
"Maybe." Aeris smiled up at Sephiroth, and finally let go of his hand. She watched as he pulled it back, and turned to leave. "Sephiroth?" She called out to him, and smiled as Sephiroth glanced at her over his shoulder, a quizzical look in his eyes. "I love you." Aeris told him, feeling her cheeks fluster a bit by the intensity of Sephiroth's gaze. He looked like he was taking a mental photograph of Aeris, as though this was the way he wanted to remember her always.
"I love you too." Sephiroth answered quietly, and then marched out of the room with long, determined footsteps.
Aeris leaned back and rested her cheek against the fluffy white pillow. She found herself musing over Sephiroth, like usually right before falling asleep. Aeris stared out of the open window, and noticed the sun had sunk a little on the sky. It was clearly late afternoon already.
* * * * *
"Ho ho hoo.. So the Ancient is sick?" Bugenhagen asked Cloud and Tifa, who both nodded at him. "I wonder what it could be.." The old man said in a thoughtful voice.
"You said you were in the forest's near Mideel?" Bugenhagen asked.
"Yeah.. But.. She seemed fine until yesterday." Tifa glanced at Barret, who just shrugged. Nobody seemed to have the faintest idea from where Aeris had gotten her strange illness.
"Sephiroth would know." Cloud gritted his teeth. If he found out the silver-haired man had put her in danger by purpose, he would make sure Sephiroth never harmed Aeris again.
"Sephiroth?" Bugenhagen turned to look at Cloud, a bit worried look in his eyes. "The decendant of Jenova.." He then muttered. "He's still with you, is he?" The old man continued.
"Yes." Cloud replied, implying he wasn't too happy about the fact.
"Ho ho hoo! Hopefully he'll be able to give me some clues.." Bugenhagen nodded, seeming quite pleased.
"You're here already." Sephiroth spoke from the entry of Bugenhagens house, standing by the doorway.
"Come in, ho ho hoo!! It's been a while." Bugenhagen invited Sephiroth to join the others. They were all sitting nearby a large wooden table, except Bugenhagen who was rummaging through some shelves for books on deseases of the cetra.
"I take it you haven't found a cure yet." Sephiroth snorted. He was really not that surprised, and not only because he didn't trust in other people to do things for him. Sephiroth had the strangest feeling Aeris' illness was not your average tropical desease..
"No." Cloud gave Sephiroth a look that was a mixture of irritation and hatred.
"So.. General.." Bugenhagens voice was a little bit insecure.
"Yes." Sephiroth turned his pasific green eyes at the man, and stared at him coldly.
"Your friends tell me, you've spent quite some time with Aeris?" Bugenhagen asked, and immediatly both Sephiroth and Cloud opened their mouths to protest.
"We're *not* friends." They said in unison, and glared at each other briefly.
"Well.. that's.. nice." Bugenhagen swallowed. The air was so full of negative emotions he felt uncomfortable in the same room with the AVALANCHEr's. He briefly wondered, if it was because of Aeris' absence, that everyone seemed to be on a bad mood. Perhaps, despite her almost non-existent skills of fighting, Aeris was greatly important to everyone. She was a part of the reason why people with very different backgrounds, sticked together and remained friends. More or less, Bugenhagen thought as he turned his attention back to Sephiroth. "Can you remember, if Aeris got hurt in any stage of your journey together?" He asked, and waited for Sephiroth to answer. Instead, the mans eyes withdrew into two angry streaks.
"What are you implying. I'd never let her get hurt." Sephiroth said in a tense voice, as though trying to restrain himself from attacking.
"Yeah right, like you could really care for anyone else but yourself!" Cloud commented, and looked at Sephiroth accusingly.
"Believe what you want." The silver haired man snorted, getting more and more annoyed with Cloud.
"It's not my opinion, it's the truth! I watched how you let SOLDIER's die, you didn't even try to rescue them!" Cloud raised his voice, but Tifa gave him a warning look.
"Hey, stop it! This is not helping Aeris." She said, and glanced at Sephiroth too, who then turned his back at Cloud.
"Hohohoo.." Bugenhagen rolled his eyes and sighed. "General? If she received any cuts, it's possible she got infected through them.. A jungle is filled with germs.. If we'd discover at which point she got infected, it would be easier for us to figure out the cause of her getting sick and ultimately find the right cure." Bugenhagen explained his motives.
Sephiroth was silent a long time, and the others were already beginning to think he might not say anything at all. "She twisted her ankle.. during the plane crash." His voice was calm and neutral again, and he didn't turn to look at the AVALANCHEr's while he spoke. "I guess she had a few bruises--" Sephiroth suddenly turned silent, and tilted his head a little to the side. "..In her ams.." He spoke then, and bowed his head. "I don't think she was hurt after that." He finished.
"Bruises wouldn't be enough.. Hohohoo.. Has she gotten any more severe injuries?" Bugenhagen asked, this time addressing his question to the entire group.
"No, not that I can think of." Tifa shook her head, and glanced at Red, Yuffie and Barret in turn. They all shook their heads to say no, looking miserable.
"There was something.." Sephiroth suddenly spoke again. "At Shin-Ra's mansion in Niebelheim.." He continued, and caught everyone's attention. "She mentioned something about Jenova getting a hit at her.. But it was just a small cut, I watched it heal." Sephiroth sounded somewhat confused.
"Jenova hit her? It was an open cut, was it? Hohohoo.." Bugenhagen sounded suddenly very troubled.
"What is it?" Cloud asked him.
"I just remembered something.. A legend of the Cetra." Bugenhagen began, and sit down on a chair to let his feet rest. "When Jenova caused the deaths of most of the Cetra, she didn't use any ordinary method of elimination. Instead, she used what was later called the cancer of the Cetra. It's a desease.. And a very lethal one." Bugenhagen announced, and everyone glanced at Sephiroth. He didn't look any different, so the others could only guess what was going trough his mind.
"I'm not sure how she caused a person to get ill.. I didn't imagine it would be possible for Aeris to get sick." Bugenhagen sounded a bit guilty.
"Why's that?" Cloud asked him.
"Because.. Only those of the cetra who had been in a prolonged exposure to a high amount of Jenova cells could catch this desease Jenova spread.. Oh." Bugenhagen fell silent, as he suddenly understood the whole truth. Sephiroth was of Jenova's race, and he had been in Aeris' company quite a lot. He was therefore, partially responsible for Aeris getting poisoned by Jenova's blood.
"It's my fault then?" Sephiroth snorted, as though he'd just read Bugenhagen's mind.
"No.. Ho ho hoo. I wouldn't say that." Bugenhagen shook his head. "You couldn't poison Aeris.. It was because of Jenova, and the fact that she hit Aeris." He then finished.
"It would have never happened, if I had been there to protect her.." Sephiroth muttered.
"So you're blaming us then!" Cloud stood up. "You turned her weak! Without you Jenova couldn't have poisoned her no matter how hard she'd try!" He continued, and walked closer to the taller, silver haired man.
"This was probably your plan all along, wasn't it! You sticked around, so that you could see her die the most painful way!" Cloud shouted, ignoring the warning looks Tifa gave him.
"Shut up." Sephiroth snarled.
"I regret that I ever let you come along! If it wasn't for you, Aeris would be fine!" Cloud continued, despite Sephiroth's obvious threat. The anger the blonde man had towards Sephiroth had been gathering in his mind for quite some time, and now it all seemed to burst out of him.
"Bugenhagen.. There is no cure, is there." Cloud heard Tifa ask from the old man.
"Ho ho hoo.. I'm afraid not.. There are no records of anyone infected recovering." Bugenhagen sounded deeply sorry, and sad for Aeris' sake.
"Happy now?" Cloud stared at Sephiroth defiantly. "She's gonna die!" He ultimately said, and it was the last straw. In a fraction of a second Sephiroth caught the blonde man by his throat, and lifted him into air.
"Oh my god!" Tifa screamed, as Sephiroth continued to choke Cloud. The blonde man was struggling to get free from Sephiroth's grasp, kicking him with his legs, but it did little good.
"Let him go." Vincent spoke calmly, and Sephiroth heard the dark haired man trigger his shotgun, that was aimed at his head. Sephiroth stared at Cloud's face, that was already turning a little blue from suffocation, and then finally released him. Cloud fell to the floor, gasping for breath.
"Oh my god Cloud are you OK? Shh.. I'm here." Tifa rushed to his side, crying and pulling him to her arms.
The others looked at Sephiroth half frightened, half angry. The looks in everyone's eyes seemed to say they blamed him for everything that had happened. Sephiroth just closed his eyes, and marched out of the house with an expression as cold as ice.
* * * * *
"Man.. That guy is strong!" Barret broke the tense silence that had decended to the room after Sephiroths departure.
"He could have killed you.." Tifa gazed at Cloud worried.
"I should know better than to agitate him.." Cloud coughed, and rubbed his throat. The red marks in the spots from where Sephiroths fingers had squeezed his throat, were visible to everyone.
"Damn right!" Barret snorted. "He's gonna go to Aeris, and who knows what's going to happen!" He continued, noticing Yuffie suddenly stood up.
"I can't believe you!" She argued. "He'd never hurt Aeris!" Yuffie contineud to defend Sephiroth, and looked at Red for support.
"I must agree with Yuffie.. Sephiroth might be a liability to us, but never to Aeris. The whole reason for his outburst was that you pushed his most painful buttons.." Red shook his mane.
"So it's my fault he tried to *kill* me?" Cloud coughed, his breathing still laboured.
"I'm just saying you did the only thing by which you could hurt Sephiroth.. And he did the same to you." Red shrugged. "Even if his wounds are not as visible as yours, doesn't mean they're not just as bad." The red furred creature glanced at Yuffie, who had a determined look in her eyes.
"Yeah, whatever that meant, so there you have it!" Yuffie scolded Cloud.
"So Aeris is going to die?" Vincent looked at Bugenhagen, who was still sitting in his chair, overwhelmed by everything that had happened.
"I'm afraid so." Bugenhagen shook his head miserably. "Such a young girl.. Ho ho hoo.." He continued, and patted Red's head. The creature looked up at his grandfather a bit annoyed, as though ashamed by the attention.
"I can imagine what he's going trough.." Vincent spoke calmly, staring out though a window. The sun was already setting, but there was still plenty of light for walking around. That's exactly what Vincent imagined Sephiroth was doing. Walking seemed to help him to get his thoughts straight..
"Yeah, you mean 'cause of Sephiroth's mother? Eww, man that's still so weird!" Yuffie had a look of disgust on her face.
"Yes.." Vincent gave Yuffie a disapproving look. "Lucresia was the love of my life.. And she also died slowly, weakened by Hojo's experimentation." Vincent thought. He untriggered his gun, and placed it into a specially designed holster. "The more I think about Sephiroth.. It was as though his fate was formed by others.. It is not such a surprise he turned out to be such an uncaring person." Vincent thought aloud.
"Don't all crazy killers use their childhood as an excuse?" Cloud muttered, still feeling Sephiroth's fingers lingering on his throat.
"Have you even once heard him mention his past? To me the truth seems to be quite the opposite than what you claim." Vincent said, suddenly very defensive of Sephiroth.
"What's up with you all of a sudden?" Cloud gave him a weird look. "We thought the only thing you cared about was Lucresia." The blonde man continued.
"Sephiroth is her son!" Vincent only said, and then turned to leave as well.
"Hey, Vincent.. Look I'm sorry." Cloud apologized, and Vincent nodded at him after a moments silence, as if to say he accepted it.
"The last thing I want is to argue with you guys.. Especially at a moment like this." Cloud pointed his words at his whole team.
"Hey, we know.." Tifa said in a small voice, as she glued herself to Clouds side. "Who's going to tell Aeris?" She asked then, and everyone turned quiet. It wasn't a pleasant job, yet everyone felt Aeris had the right to know.
* * * * *
Sephiroth stood on the edge of a cliff, watching the ocean. He had been walking aimlessly for the last hour, trying to calm the roar of emotions. Not that long ago, Sephiroth had found a quiet place on top of a high cliff, that seemed serene to him. Everywhere he looked, there were simple looking weeds and flowers that somehow held onto the cracks in the rocks and survived in the blowing saltry wind. Against all odds, life won here. Down below waves rushed against the cliffs, their tall white peaks shattering into foam that slowly dribbled down the vertical, smooth rock. Sephiroth heard seagulls scream with frightened voices, as they flew over him, escaping the wrath of mother nature. He could sence the storm, not far on the ocean, and smirked. Sephiroth enjoyed bad weather. At least when in a thunder storm, he didn't feel weird for not being happy. And at a moment, when all of his life seemed like someone's idea of a bad joke, Sephiroth felt even more drawn to the raging ocean.
He took a step closer to the edge, and peeked down at the long fall into the murky depths of the sea. Sephiroth then picked up a dark stone that lied on the ground nearby, and threw down in a perfect curve. He followed the rock with his eyes as it fell, finally dissappearing to the waves as though it had never existed at all. The sun was sinking towards the welcoming embrace of the sea, but it still shone brightly enough to warm his skin. He closed his eyes, and basked in the warmth, that dried the trails of tears from his cheeks.
Maybe it had been in vain, to believe he was capable of anything good. He was nothing but a finely designed doomsday machine, that had been a dissappointment to even the scientist responsible for his creation. Sephiroth knew he had been a dissappointment to his parents.. And now to Aeris. He bowed his head down in shame, and allowed his neck to rest for a while. These last few days, it had become harder to uptain the facade of never feeling anything. Everybody believed nothing could get to him, but Sephiroth knew better. As much as he hated to admit it, he was only human. Aeris had revealed a world to Sephiroth, such that he had never known existed, and now the thought of losing all that was filling his heart with despair. Sephiroth took a deep breath, and another step closer to the edge of the cliff. He just couldn't face Aeris again. He knew he wouldn't be able to look into her innocent, questioning eyes and not fall apart completely. As much as Sephiroth feared Aeris might begin to hate him after she'd find out about the truth, it couldn't be even compared to the fear that she wouldn't.. fear him or love him or smile at him.. ever again.
Aeris would most likely die, Bugenhagen had said so. Sephiroth held his eyes tightly closed, as he remembered the looks the others had given him. They had been so accusing, as though he had known the whole time what was happening. Like Sephiroth had planned it from the beginning.. Thoughts bounced in Sephiroth's mind as a tangled web of emotions and words.
"What.. if I did?" Sephiroth tilted his head.
He knew Jenova had the ability to control him, to some extent. She could guide his thoughts to a certain direction. Sephiroth wondered if his whole existence, his personality and his being.. were they anything, did they mean anything at all? He shuddered at the thought of being a mindless pawn of Jenova's, but maybe he was nevertheless just that. Sephiroth stopped right at the edge of the cliff, and stared deep into the waves. Only one more step, and he'd never have to battle against his own doubts, or face his guilt. He could stop all these emotions and experiences, this life that - without Aeris - meant nothing but time.
It had been foolish of him to imagine, that he and Aeris belonged together. This was just the ultimate proof of that. He had poisoned her with his mere presence! Sephiroth stared down as the waves withdrew back momentarily, revealing the rocky bottom of the sea, and wondered for how long would he fall. A few seconds maybe, long enough for one last consious thought..
"Sephiroth?" Red asked, in a disbelieving voice. Sephiroth was surprised by the sudden interruption, but didn't answer the red furred creature.
"Aeris asked for you." Red said. "We talked.. and.. It would be best if you told Aeris." The red furred creature cleared his throat, while sitting down on his hind legs.
"Why? So that she'd begin to hate me too?" Sephiroth glared at the beast who was sitting behind him.
"I don't think Aeris could hate you.." Red shook his head, a slightly worried sound in his voice.
"No? Everybody else hates me.. Why should she feel any different." Sephiroth finally turned to look at Red, still somewhat unnerved by his presence. Whenever in emotional turmoil, Sephiroth preferred to shut into himself instead of sharing his feelings with anyone. The unsocial traits of his character were probably important factors as to why no-one had ever seen him cry.
"Did you know Aeris might get sick?" Red asked him. He figured it was possible, since Sephiroth was so keen on keeping secrets, that he had held back such a vital piece of information from anyone, for some reason.
"What difference does it make." Sephiroth glared at Red, and walked away from the cliff. "She's gonna die anyway." The tune of Sephiroths voice changed dramatically at those words, and he looked so beaten and depressed Red was taken by surprise.
"What if there's a cure nobody just knows about? Don't you even want to try?" Red questioned him, and Sephiroth was silent for a long time, staring at the ground beneath his boots.
"There could be something at the Shin-Ra mansion.. They studied Jenova pretty extensively, but.." Sephiroth fell silent again, as though not daring to hope.
"If you want us to believe you really care about Aeris, you should be out there looking for a cure, and not feeling sorry for yourself." Red snorted, and looked at Sephiroth. The silver haired man had turned his back at Red, and stared longingly at the ocean.
"The sun's setting.." Sephiroth muttered as he took one last look at the horizon.
By the cliff, in the place that Sephiroth had just been standing, grew a wild white rose. The wind tore it's petals loose one by one, and as they soared to the warm evening air Sephiroth finally turned his back at the ocean and glanced at Red again. "Aeris asked for me?" He looked at Red, waiting for him to explain.
"Yes.. Her fever.. is getting higher.." Red cleared his throat, and watched as Sephiroth walked away, looking as nonchalant and uncaring as ever. Still, Red couldn't help thinking about what he had nearly witnessed. When standing at the edge of the cliff, Sephiroth had looked like he had wanted to jump. Of course if confronted about it, Sephiroth would deny everything and laugh.. But inside he was really just a man who was close to losing the love of his life. Even if Red had little experience in matters of the heart, he understood the pain that it could cause. After all, he still remembered the way his parents had loved - and lost - each other.
* * * * *
"Yes?" Aeris lifted her head, as she heard a faint knock from the door. "Come in." She smiled, guessing who it was even before Sephiroth opened the door and stepped into the room. Something about Sephiroth was different though.. He looked like he had been through hell, and if Aeris didn't know better, Sephiroth also looked like he had been crying.
"Are you OK?" She asked, and he gave her a lopsided grin in return.
"Shouldn't I be the one asking that?" Sephiroth muttered. "I'm fine." He said then, and corrected his posture as he leaned against a wall next to the window.
When Aeris looked at him, the last rays of sunlight streaming through the window blinded her eyes, so she couldn't see much more of Sephiroth beside a dark shadow. But then again, it was probably how he wanted it. "You don't look fine." Aeris said quietly. The two looked at each other a moment, as though waiting for the other to begin a conversation.
"It's my fault." Sephiroth spoke.
"W-what? What is?" Aeris asked.
"Your getting sick.." He continued, and Aeris could see him bow his head down in shame. "It's all my fault.." Sephiroth repeated, letting out a deep breath.
"Sephiroth.." Aeris tried to console him, but he refused to even look at Aeris. "There's no cure.. is there?" She gulped.
"No. Because of me you got exposed to Jenova cells too much.. When Jenova slashed at you.. You got poisoned by her blood. There's not likely to be an antidote." Sephiroth's voice sounded distant.
"Likely?" Aeris asked hopefully.
"We're going to the Shin-Ra mansion in Niebelheim to search for more accurate information on the poison.. And hopefully of a cure." Sephiroth answered her, clearing his throat as though trying to keep his voice calm. "But it's highly unlikely."
Aeris sat up on her bed. "Sephiroth.." She whispered, and reached her hand out towards her boyfriend. Sephiroth just looked at her extended arm, before taking a temptative step closer.
"I don't deserve to live." He mumbled in a tense voice, his entire body rigid as though he was fighting against the urge to grab Aeris' hand. "You're the only friend I've ever had, the only one who ever saw anything worth loving in me.. And now you may die because of that?" Sephiroth looked at Aeris, with such an intense flame of self-hatred in his eyes.
"Oh sweetheart.." Aeris' voice broke, as she rested her hand on the side of Sephiroth's face. He just stood still, clenching his fists.
"It would've been better for everyone, if I had died at birth instead of my mother.." Sephiroth told her, and kneeled down in front Aeris, next to the bedside table. "I don't know, if I'm making your situation worse by being around you.. If my touching you somehow.." Sephiroth looked up at Aeris, and his eyes shone so brightly there was no mistaking the tears in them. Yet something about Sephiroth's gaze was a little off, as though he was not fully aware of what he was saying.
"..Makes you more ill.." He murmured, and Aeris leaned down to hug him. She didn't know what words would take his pain away, all she could do was hold him in her arms and stroke his hair powerlessly.
"I just wanted you to know.. I'll do whatever it takes to heal you. But If I can't.. Don't hate me? I couldn't bear it if you.." Sephiroth sounded like a man who had nothing left to expect from life.
"I love you.. I *adore* you.. I could never hate you." Aeris whispered, and pressed a tender butterfly kiss on Sephiroth's forehead.
"I also wanted to.." Sephiroth gazed at Aeris with the most painful, soul piercing look in his eyes, and then withdrew from easy reach. "We can't see each other anymore. It's best I stay away from you, so that I won't make your situation worse." He sighed, blinking as though waking up from a dream. As he looked at Aeris again, Sephiroth saw the tears in her eyes, and she was shaking her head in denial.
"No.." She whimpered, trying to stop a few desperate sobs to escape her lips. "Don't say we're breaking up.. I don't want to hear it." She pulled the white pillow to her lap and wrapped her arms around it.
Sephiroth walked to the door of Aeris' room with steps heavy of grief. "I have to go.. I'll do what I can." He said coldly.
"Sephiroth.." Aeris looked at him pleadingly, wanting more than anything to just hold him a while longer.
"..Don't." Sephiroth shut his eyes and opened the door. "This is all the strength I have left." He grunted, and walked through the door.
"Sephiroth.. Please.. come back.." Aeris cried at the closing door, but the only thing that returned to her was the silence. Never in her life had Aeris felt so weak and abandoned, than on that very moment as she layed back on her bed. She felt the fever tremble her body, as though competing with the uncontrollable sobbing. Aeris cried until her tears ran out and she fell asleep, completely exhausted by her emotions. While drifting into her sleep, Aeris hoped with all of her heart that everything would turn out for the best.
Whoa, is this chapter long or what!!! This was a regular emotional roller-coaster too. Still, I'm guessing you liked it? I know Seph's totally out there, but I sorta imagined this is how he might behave.. Seph's known to over-react, and I think he's really passionate about those who he cares about. Also, I tried to convey him as little bit crazy in this chapter.. This is kinda the flipside of Niebelheims events, in my opinion. It's the same kind of a turning point.. Anyways, on to the next chapter.