Disclaimer: If I did own RK or American Pie, don't you think I'd have a lot more money by now?
Chapter 5:
"Gotta Hear It To Believe It"
"So let me get this straight," Sanosuke said, leaning forward in his chair to listen to Yahiko's side of the story, even though he didn't quite believe it, "Saito wanted to give you a handjob?"
"No! He wanted me to give him one!" Yahiko corrected. For a moment the room was completely silent, crickets could be heard outside, that is, until Sanosuke and Kenshin burst out laughing.
"You're such a shitty liar, Yahiko!" Sanosuke said, slapping his knee as Kenshin fell from his chair, laughing like a maniac straight out of the nut house.
"What? I'm serious! I ran outta there so fast! It wasn't even funny! Hey, stop laughing already!" Yahiko shouted in frustration, "He really did want me to give him a handjob! If you ask him, he'll deny it, but I'm telling the truth! Quit laughing at me!"
But Sanosuke and Kenshin didn't stop laughing, not for a long while and Yahiko only sunk lower into his chair, frustrated and fuming. He clenched the chair's arm, digging his nails into the material and leaving deep indents on the fabric. Luckily, the tension was simmered down when the phone rang in the kitchen. Sanosuke got up from his place on the floor to go answer it, stumbling over more than a few times as he tried to get over to the phone and hold his stomach at the same time.
"Hello?" Sanosuke answered the phone, a huge grin still on his face as he tried to contain himself from cracking up all over again. If he wasn't able to regain his composure, the person on the other line would probably think he was some type of serious mental case and Sanosuke did not want that, especially if the person on the other end was who he was hoping it was.
"Sano?" Megumi asked on the other line, holding the receiver close to her face to listen for his voice again, "Is that you?" Bingo. Sanosuke just one a million dollars for the lucky guess!
"Oh, hey! Look, can you hang on a sec, I'm gonna pick up the phone upstairs, alright?" Sanosuke said and after Megumi agreed to hold on, he turned to his friends in the living room, "Hey, can you guys hang up the phone when I tell you I got it upstairs?"
"Sure thing, Sano," Kenshin replied, finally calm after his non-stop laughing session. Yahiko was still too upset by his friends' teasing to speak up and he watched Sanosuke head up the stairs and holler back down that he had the phone in his room.
Turning to Yahiko, Kenshin excused himself to go to the bathroom and reminded him to hang up the phone so Sanosuke and Megumi could talk in private before he closed the door to the downstairs toilet room.
Kenshin wanted to catch up on his Tantra exercises and he found that now would be a good opportunity since Yahiko didn't seem to be in the best mood to chat. Opening the book up to the saved page, Kenshin took on the directions, moving about the bathroom in all the motions indicated, even though he looked completely ridiculous doing it.
Yahiko got up from his seat, grumbling all the while about some know-it-all friends of his that should get run over by a couple mack trucks as he went over to the phone to hang it up. He sighed, and while picking it up, Yahiko was able to catch a tiny sentence of what the two were saying, something about what she was doing in America right now. Losing interest almost immediately, Yahiko rolled his eyes at the lack of excitement in their conversation. He was about to put the phone back on the receiver when he heard the next line that both shocked and excited him.
"Hey, Sano, what would you say if I told I was touching myself right now?" Megumi asked on the other line, a mischievous grin on her face as she secretly hinted for her boyfriend to play along.
"WHOAHOHO! This conversation just did a total one-eighty!" Sanosuke said, surprised at the unexpected comment from his girlfriend, "Where did that come from?"
"Just play along, Rooster-Head. Come on. It's fun!" Megumi urged on. After all, phone sex is only fun if there's a second party going on at the other end of the line. One person phone sex is not phone sex at all.
"Okay...Well, what am I supposed to say?" Sanosuke asked, still feeling awkward about talking to his girlfriend on the phone about her touching herself, even if he kinda did like the idea. Kind of brings up some good pictures in the imagination.
"Just tell me what you're doing," Megumi said, getting a little impatient at his slowness to react, "It's just like dirty talking, which I know you're good at. It's just a little... different 'cause I'm not there. Just think about what we would be doing if I was over there right now."
"Is this supposed to give me a hard-on 'cause it's working!" Sanosuke exclaimed, now feeling a bit more confident that he could handle the situation.
"Good! Now grab it and tell me how big it is," Megumi murmured softly, completely unaware of one extra listener on the other line.
'Whoa! Dude! They're having phone sex!' Yahiko thought, pressing the receiver to his ear so he could listen to more of their interesting conversation. Smiling widely, Yahiko settled down in his chair, getting more comfortable as he leaned back against the wall and put his feet up on the kitchen counter. If he was going to listen to their conversation, it was most likely gonna take a while and he might as well get comfy. Yahiko tried to psychically tell Sanosuke to ask Megumi what she was wearing, but of course, that didn't seem to work and Yahiko snapped his fingers in dismay.
'Take off the bra, take off the bra, take off the bra!' Yahiko chanted in his head over and over again, but the signal didn't seem to be reaching either of them. He was starting to get very disappointed at hearing about Sanosuke rubbing his cock and by now, he was just rolling his eyes. 'Come on, get to Megumi's part already!' Yahiko thought, but his thoughts didn't go any farther than the first membrane in his head.
"Oh yeah..." Sanosuke was saying on the phone, leaving Yahiko in a disgusted face at hearing the gorey details.
"Tell me what you want me to do," Megumi whispered seductively into the phone, emphasizing on her voice so it was low and sultry. She only meant for Sanosuke to hear and answer, but Yahiko jumped at the opportunity.
"Yeah, Megumi, take off your bra and tell me my dick isn't as big as Yahiko's," Yahiko said on the other line, trying his best to imitate Sanosuke's deeper voice, but the voice only came out sounding extremely accented like Jean Claude Van Dam or something.
"YAHIKO?!" both Megumi and Sanosuke shouted on their phones so loud, Yahiko had to pull the phone away from his ear from the ringing in his eardrums. After shaking his head a few times to clear out the sirens, he brought the receiver back to his ear.
"Hey, you two love birds! How's the weather in America, Megumi? Is it hot enough for you to take off your bra?" Yahiko asked pleasantly, as if there was absolutely nothing wrong with what he was doing at the moment.
"Yahiko, you little shit! What the hell?! I told you to hang up the phone when I got to my room!" Sanosuke yelled, infuriated at Yahiko's eavesdropping on their private conversation and the suggestive remark that he had actually dared to say to HIS girlfriend, "GET OFF! NOW!"
"Dude, I am gettin' off just listening to you two!" Yahiko said with a smile, "Come on, continue! It was just gettin' good! She was about to do whatever you wanted! You should've told her to lose the bra!"
"Yahiko!!!!!!!" Sanosuke growled, his anger rising up to the point that you could've boiled an omelet on his forehead.
"Aw, come on, guys! Keep going! I was almost there!" Yahiko pleaded, but the angry couple were through putting up with him.
"Nice talking to you, Yahiko," Megumi said sarcastically, rolling her eyes, "Sano, I think we should try this again some other time. I'll talk to you soon."
"Okay, bye," Sanosuke said with a sigh. It wasn't Megumi's fault anyway so there really was no use taking it out on her. As soon as he heard the click on the other end, Sanosuke got up from his chair, hands balled up into fists and he ran down the stairs with fire blazing in his eyes and every intention to beat Yahiko into a pulp.
"Yahiko, I am gonna KILL you!!!!!!!!!" Sanosuke shouted at the top of his lungs as he spotted the smaller man in the kitchen. Yahiko swore aloud and ran in the opposite direction to get away from the angered Sanosuke, but was caught in a matter of seconds.
"You're not getting away that easy!!!" Sanosuke grabbed Yahiko by his shirt, pulling him backwards and slammed him up against the wall, his feet dangling in the air over two feet off the ground. "Now, how do you think Tsubame would react if I told her that you grabbed Kenshin's ass? Hm? Or maybe I should tell her about the handjob business you had with Saito? I'm sure she'd be absolutely thrilled to sleep with you then!" Sanosuke threatened, his grip on Yahiko's collar never losing it's firm grasp.
"Sano, no! Don't tell her that! Anything, but that!" Yahiko remonstrated, shaking his head vigorously from left to right in constant denial, "Please! Don't tell her about that! That'll ruin my chance with her for sure! Why can't you just beat me up or something?!"
"Okay, that'll work too!" Sanosuke said with a nod and he hit Yahiko over the head with his fist, knocking him out cold and he dropped him on the floor. Still not satisfied with the punishment, Sanosuke picked Yahiko back up and dragged him over to the coat hanger by the door. He latched onto the rim of Yahiko's boxer shorts and made sure he gave it a huge tug before he hung him up on one of the hanger's hooks.
Smiling in restitution, Sano took a step back to admire his handy work. Completely satisfied, he brushed his hands off of imaginary dust and walked off with a big grin on his face, whistling a happy tune as he went back up the stairs with a casual bounce in his walk.
Kenshin emerged from the bathroom, finally finished with his meditation tauntring. He had gotten into the sexual restoration process when he got hold of one of the books in the library. It had served to be an interesting way to increase the pleasure in sex, and even though Kenshin wasn't exactly a wild animal in the sack, the book's meditation rituals brought up his raging libido by ten-fold. With enough practice, he was able to reserve ejaculating so that it was stored up inside him until he could release it into one huge orgasm. Completely satisfied with his practice, Kenshin strolled out of the bathroom about half an hour after he had entered and jumped back in surprise at what he saw in the living room.
"ORO?!" Kenshin exclaimed as he ran over to the bruised up Yahiko hanging by his under pants on the coat hanger, "Yahiko, what happened to you?" Kenshin gingerly pulled his friend off the hook, trying his best not to aggravate the major wedgie that Yahiko must be feeling.
"Ow..." Yahiko said, rubbing his head with one hand and picking out his boxers with the other, "I'm okay now.... I think..." Finding the huge lump on the top of his head, Yahiko winced. "Or maybe on second thought, I might need a pack of ice or something... Jesus, I don't think I'll be able to sit for a week!"
"What did you do this time?" Kenshin asked, shaking his head at his friend. He knew Yahiko well enough to know that whenever he was put in a sticky situation like this, he had most definitely pissed someone off. And right now, Kenshin had a feeling it was Sanosuke.
"Why do you always think that I started it?" Yahiko asked, still rubbing his sore butt and he tried to find a comfortable way to stand without bringing himself more uneasiness.
"Because you are always, and I mean, always, the one that starts it, that you are," Kenshin said, not at all sorry for him anymore, in fact, he was about two seconds away from falling over and rolling on the floor with laughter, "How did you anger Sano?"
"How did you know that I pissed off Sano?" Yahiko asked, again getting freaked out by Kenshin's psychic ability. The red head had always had the power to know certain things even before anyone told him about it; it was kinda scary. "Oh, riiiiiight! You're psychic," Yahiko said, "Okay, well, him and Megumi were talking on the phone and I was about to hang it up just like you asked me to, but then I heard what they were talking about!"
"And what were they talking about?" Kenshin asked curiously. Wherever this story was going, Kenshin could already point out that Yahiko was, again, at fault, as usual. He had no right to listen to their conversation and all, but still Kenshin was very interested in the fact that not much really caught Yahiko's attention except for... well, sex. Since Kenshin was a clueless little bastard, he wanted to know what was so intriguing to Yahiko that Sanosuke would sink so low as to hang him up on a coat hanger by his underwear for listening.
"None of your business," Sanosuke snapped as he climbed down the stairs; Yahiko's face turned instantly white as he got closer. "Yahiko, isn't it about time you go see band camp girl?" Sanosuke asked, wanting to change the subject as fast as he could. He had no intention of Kenshin knowing what exactly he and Megumi had been talking about earlier and he would do anything to just get Yahiko out of his sight as quickly as possible before he decided to knock him upside his head again.
"Uh...yeah. That's right!" Yahiko stuttered, suddenly remembering that he was supposed to go to Misao's house, "I gotta go see her then! Aw, but I don't wanna have to take the bus..." Sanosuke gave him a hard look. "Okay, so the bus it is!" Yahiko said, clapping his hands together awkwardly before running out the door.
Getting to Misao's house so much easier and faster than Yahiko had first thought, but then again, Sanosuke was threatening to choke the life out of him, so running the whole way there was practically necessary. Thankfully, Yahiko made it there in one piece. (Screw the bus. Hello? This is Yahiko! He has no money!)
Cautiously, he approached the front door, the steps of the porch seemingly taking him way too long to climb up as he dreaded what was on the other side of the door. Something deep within him mustered itself up, a feeling that Yahiko could only describe as nervousness, why he felt it was all a mystery to him and suddenly being caught with his pants down wouldn't have seemed so bad. Anything besides being here now looked to be a brighter part of the world, but Yahiko wasn't somewhere else, he wasn't there or later. He was here and it was now.
Before he could even ring the doorbell, the door swung open and out stepped Misao with a big smile on her face and she ushered him inside.
Yahiko nodded, silently following her through the tiny house and up the stairs to her room at the very end of the hall. He was torn between wanting to run and hide and staying to just get the whole damn thing over with. As much as he hated to admit it, Yahiko needed Misao to help him. If there was ever any chance he had left with Tsubame, it was on it's way and all hell if Yahiko would let it slip past him for the second time. He was snapped out of his thoughts by Misao's voice as she plopped a large pillow in front of him.
Perplexed, Yahiko looked from Misao to the pillow in utter confusion and Misao rolled her eyes.
"This pillow of mine is gonna be Tsubame!" Misao announced all too happily and Yahiko watched her as she slipped both arms into her band camp t-shirt. It took only a few brief seconds and a couple of strange movements under her shirt, but she was finally able to pull out her bra without even taking off her top. Yahiko only stared at the display in disbelief, like taking off your bra without taking off your shirt was like making a one hundred ton elephant disappear before your eyes. "Ta da! Now, we put this bra on here and there!" Misao latched the bra around the Tsubame pillow and smiled at her well done work, "Okay, now you have to try and get the bra off!"
"That's easy!" Yahiko exclaimed, puffing his chest out in pride at the simple task, "Even I can do that!" Yahiko turned the pillow around to unhook the clasps when Misao suddenly smacked him on the arm.
"Ow!" Yahiko shouted, rubbing his reddened bicep, "What's wrong with you?! What the hell was that for?!"
"You can't turn Tsubame around to take off her bra! That'd just ruin the mood right there! Remember, you gotta be smooooooth," Misao explained, dragging the word on as if it had no end and she smiled, snapping her fingers in front of his face as if he were her trained puppy, "Now, try again. This time use only one hand and don't turn her around."
Yahiko put on his best pensive face as he hooked two arms around the pillow and Misao smacked his arm again. Wincing at the slap, Yahiko frowned. He half expected her to throw him against the wall and screw the life out of him like that night after prom, but she didn't seem to be anywhere near that stage. Brushing away the thought of their night together, Yahiko tried again to unhook the bra with only one hand.
His fingers fell to the clasp, twisting and turning every which way possible, and he strained as he tried to get it off. Not wanting to give up without a fight, he withdrew and tried for a fourth time, this time more determined than ever to get it off, but the clasp seemed to be impossible to open. Yahiko swore aloud and quickly yanked on the bra, ripping the right strap clear off the material and the bra fell off the pillow.
Raising his arms in the air in triumph Yahiko let out imaginary cheering sounds from the invisible crowd.
"Who's the man?! Yahiko!!!!" he shouted, holding up the mangled bra in the air like a trophy, "And the crowd goes wild! Yahiko has hold of the almighty BRA!!!"
"Okay then......... well, you broke my favorite bra," Misao said awkwardly as she snatched the undergarment away from his grasp. Sighing at it's horrible condition, Misao tossed it in the huge pile of clothes in the corner impeccably labeled as 'Sew up.' "It seems we're going to have to start with something a little um... less complicated," Misao reasoned and she turned to face him, throwing the pillow off to the side, "Alright, let's role play!"
"Hell yeah! Which side of the bed you want?" Yahiko asked excitedly, not at all understanding Misao's real meaning of 'role play' and she laughed at his stupidity.
"No, silly! Not that kind of role play! I meant that we're gonna act, like a play," Misao explained and Yahiko face dropped it's enthusiastic grin for yet another sexual disappointment of the day. "Okay, let's say I'm a hot girl. What do you want to do?" she asked him.
"I wanna touch your tits!" Yahiko exclaimed excitedly, lunging for them without warning, but Misao was able to hit him away before he could even lay a finger on her, "OW! Okay, you and me really need to work on our communication skills! Let's keep it more verbal than abusive here!"
"You can't just jump to second base, Yahiko! You gotta work your way into it first! Like, take me for example. Would I tell an amateur to play at a concert if they've never even seen a flute before?" Yahiko scratched his head, wondering what band camp had to do with him getting laid. Sighing, Misao continued anyway. "No, I wouldn't. You gotta preheat the oven before you stick in the turkey!" Misao said and Yahiko seemed to be even more confused, "Well, let me put this in easier words for you to understand. Um... here, kiss me on my neck." Misao pointed to the base of her throat, indicating what she wanted him to do and Yahiko questioningly pointed at her, only moving closer after she nodded her head. Hesitantly, he placed his mouth on the base of her throat and placed the tiniest of butterfly kisses.
Misao frowned at his lack of experience and passion that didn't seem to be anywhere in the kiss at all. The kiss was so... blah. Blah. That's all she could describe it as. 'Definitely not gonna win a noble prize for best kisser,' Misao thought as she pushed him away.
"How was that?" Yahiko asked curiously, positive that he had done well, but his ego dropped back down to negative fifteen when she shook her head in disapproval.
"First pointer, less lick, more suck," Misao suggested, then she paused, "Do you want me to write any of this down?" Yahiko opened his mouth to say yes, but Misao cut him off before he could even utter a syllable. "No? Okay then, we'll finish up. Here, practice with uh.... this apple!" Misao said, grabbing the fruit on top of her dresser and she held it up in front of his face, "Try to kiss the apple like it was Tsubame."
"Well, I'm thinking that Tsubame probably doesn't have lips in the shape of an apple," Yahiko pointed out and Misao groaned at his horrible imagination.
"Don't ask, just do!" she barked and Yahiko immediately went to do her bidding, kissing the apple and trying to imagine that instead of the apple's hard skin, it was Tsubame's soft mouth. Again, Misao scowled at what he was doing and using her free hand, she shaped his mouth into a tiny pucker, sort of like a blowfish and brushed the apple against his lips, making him do the same.
"Now, that was much better!" Misao complimented, smiling in satisfaction and she placed the apple down on the bed sheets, "So, you have the kissing part down, now you just need to keep practicing that until I see you next week!"
"Wait, that's it? I mean, lessons are over now?" Yahiko asked, surprised at her rush to usher him out of her house. Truthfully, he wasn't in any mood to return to the beach house only to be beaten 'til his whole body turned black and blue. He wanted to hold out and stay away from Sanosuke as long as possible and hopefully, by the time he got back, Sano would have had some time to blow off some steam and be a little more welcoming to Yahiko's presence.
"Why? Is there something else you wanted to practice for?" Misao asked, sitting back down on the bed, "If there's anything else that I can help you with, you might as well ask me now."
"Well, I...uh... Why don't you tell me about yourself? I mean, I've known you since like... last year, but I don't know all that much about you. What else do you do besides go to band camp?" Yahiko asked, finding something to talk about with her besides her infatuation with toting around her flute, "You never really talk about anything else..."
"Oh... I do the same things you do. Like hang out with friends, go to movies, stuff like that. What do you think I do?" Misao asked. She never realized that Yahiko wanted to know anything about her personal life, so she never mentioned anything besides band camp, which always served to be safe territory when talking with him. Unfortunately, Misao had no idea that talking about band camp was the least thing Yahiko wanted to hear about.
"Don't you like, go to parties and stuff? I don't think I've ever seen you at Saito's house before," Yahiko said, sitting cross legged on the bed as he turned to face his entire body to her.
"It's not that I don't want to go or anything. Believe me, I've tried to get in there, but you know, being in band throughout your entire life doesn't exactly make you the coolest person in school," Misao explained with her head down, "I don't really like Saito anyways..."
"Well, you don't worry about that, nobody likes Saito. They all just suck up to him 'cause he has kick ass parties. Besides, being in band camp doesn't automatically make you a dork or anything," Yahiko replied with a shrug, "I think you're pretty cool."
"Really?" Misao asked, her face lighting up at the mention of her name and the word 'cool' in the same sentence. The fact that the sentence didn't end with a "in your dreams" made it all so much better.
"Yeah," Yahiko agreed and suddenly an idea popped into his head, "Hey, you wanna hear one of my stories? It's a Saito-bashing story."
"Sure!" Misao said excitedly, "Let's hear it!"
"Okay, well, me, Kenshin, Sanosuke and Saito got this job a while ago for repairing this house, right?" Yahiko began, more than eager to share with her the embarrassing moments they had at Yumi and Shura's house only yesterday.
It was kind of funny how much Yahiko liked to see Misao's mouth curve up into a tiny smile at all the funny parts in the story and how much he enjoyed hearing her laugh out loud when he imitated Saito refusing to kiss him. Yahiko felt that feeling again, the one he got when he had first gotten to her doorstep, the flipflop feeling in the bottom of his stomach that made his heart jump into his throat. If there was anything in the world that could have given the feeling a name, Yahiko was too distracted by the way the sun glinted off her black hair to even give it a second thought.
A/N: I guess Yahiko's butt isn't so sore anymore, huh? Hehe. Lemme know what you think and give me a request if you want something special done. I won't guarantee anything, but I'll try my best! Come on! Click that little button below!