Envie
(the heart's desire)
disclaimer: not mine. never will be. money made from this: zero dollars.
(brief) author notes: this is the third in a series that includes these stories: une danse ronde, april witch and a missing scene, hands are the heart's landscape. while this takes place in a.u. land, I've included some of the major events in show continuity (e.g. jean + scott, evan + the morlocks) on the assumption that they took place in the five months between the last chapter of april witch and the epilogue. i ask you, why do so many x-men have accents? rogue, remy and now kurt! i'm doing the best i can here people!
one last caveat: there will be some sexual-type situations in this story, although nothing even close to a graphic depiction of sex. the scenes really aren't objectionable, but I'm giving fair warning now, just in case.
* * *
Th' yellin' started almost as soon as Ah closed the door, but Ah did my best ta ignore it.
"Rogue, vait, I have to get in zere! Amanda and I..."
"No way, Kurt! You always get, like, hair and junk all over the sink. It's totally gross. Lemme come in for a sec, Rogue. I promise to be quick." There was a scufflin' sound an' then a muffled thump as someone hit the door.
"Hey!" More scufflin' before Kitty's hand flailed through the wood. Good thing the rest o' her stayed on the other side.
Ah turned on the water an' waited for it ta get hot before Ah started fillin' the tub.
There was a gentle knock at the door. "Not to hurry you, Rogue, but Scott and I are running late..."
Ah dumped what musta been half a bottle o' Mr. Bubble into the water, stripped quickly an' climbed in. With my ears under, Ah couldn't even hear Jean's knockin' anymore. Ah sighed. Friday nights were the worst. Ah'd have though that when we were rebuildin' the Institute we woulda fixed some o' the old problems, but not this one. Too many people an' not enough bathrooms.
It wasn't troublin' me too much. Ah'd given up my turn ta Kurt the week before because he'd looked so pathetic, like Amanda wouldn't like him anymore if he didn't put on that extra splash o' cologne. Ah wanted ta tell him if she liked him blue she'd like him no matter what, but the fact was his sweet self-consciousness was pretty endearin'.
Ah washed my face an' shampooed my hair. Then Ah lay back an', stretchin' out, Ah toed open the tap so that more hot water poured in. Heat bloomed across my skin an' steam filled my lungs. The bubbles grew until they covered my face. Everythin' was real quiet an' Ah let out a sigh o' relief that they'd all finally gotten the message an' gone away.
But Ah'd thought too soon. "Lo-gan! Rogue's totally hogging the bathroom. She's been in there for, like, ten hours."
Logan rapped sharply on th' door. "Friday night, Stripes," was all he said. Ah could practically see one corner o' his mouth lifted in amusement. That ah-ta-be-young-again look.
Did Ah mention how much Ah hate Friday nights?
Ah sighed an' climbed outta the tub, pullin' the plug out as Ah left. After dryin' off quickly, Ah twirled my hair up in my towel an' wrapped my bathrobe tightly around me. Clutchin' all o' my clothes in one hand, Ah left the bathroom.
There was quite a line an' Ah had ta smile at that.
"There better be some hot water left," Kitty grumped. Ah beamed sweetly at her an' batted my eyelashes. She didn't really mean it anyway. While she was busy scowlin' at me, Kurt teleported past her, slammed the door an' locked it. "No fair!" Kitty howled, poundin' on the door. "Kurt you jerk, get out of there!" Ah waited just long enough ta see Kitty phase through the door and ta hear Kurt's outraged shout.
Ah laughed quietly ta myself as Ah padded back towards my room. Halfway down the hall Ah stopped. There was loud music comin' from Remy's room. He'd been paired up with Kurt because Evan was...gone. Livin' with the Morlocks in some damp, sunless place under all our feet. Ah shivered at the thought. No one talked about it much, the subject was too raw. We were especially careful in front o' Ms. Munroe, 'cause even his name never failed ta stir up sadness in her eyes.
Couldn't tell what the song was, but it had a lot o' bass. Practically rattled my teeth in their sockets. There was so much stuff 'bout Remy that was still a mystery ta me, like the fact that his musical taste was, ta put it mildly, eclectic. Ah'd heard everythin' from the Beatles ta David Bowie ta Bikini Kill pumpin' outta his room, usually at deafenin' levels. He seemed ta be in the mood for hardcore that night.
Ah dropped my bundle o' clothes on the floor an' eased the door open. He was sprawled out on his stomach on the bed, his back ta me. For a minute Ah was content just ta watch him. It was as if his whole body was an extension o' the music, he bobbed his head, tapped his fingers an' banged his feet, all in time ta the beat.
Between the music an' the paper in front o' him on the bed absorbin' his attention, it was too easy ta creep up behind him. Ah grabbed his sides an' all hell broke loose. He gave a hoarse shout, pushed himself up, flipped neatly in the air, grabbed hold o' my waist an' brought us both tumblin' down on the bed. It didn't stop there either. The bedframe (which had never been too stable ta start with) creaked ominously before crashin' onto the floor.
We lay there for awhile, lookin' at each other wide-eyed. My heart was goin' a mile a minute an' Ah could feel Remy's poundin' out syncopation. We were tangled in interestin' ways with my legs trapped between his an' my shoulder jammed into his side. The towel from my head had fallen off an' puddled on the floor. At least somethin' was goin' right for me: my robe had stayed tightly fastened.
Ah held my breath an' waited for the stampede o' feet, but nothin' came. Was it possible that they hadn't heard anythin' above the sound o' the music? Remy reached over an' flicked off the stereo.
"Always nice t' see you, beb," he said wryly.
"Uh...this didn't go exactly like Ah thought it would," Ah offered lamely.
He smoothed his right hand over my waist an' Ah felt like there was a whole herd o' butterflies trompin' around in my stomach. "So much for anticipating de unforseen, neh?" My eyes drifted closed as he pushed the edge o' my robe aside ta brush the tip o' his index finger across my collarbone. Ah shifted an' ran my hands across his shirt-covered stomach. He sucked in his breath sharply. "Rogue..." he began roughly.
"Remy, vere is the...scheisse (shit). Sorry." Ah whipped my head around just in time ta see Kurt blush bright red before he teleported outta th' room. Ah leaned my head against Remy's chest an' laughed until my stomach muscles went weak.
Ah untangled myself an' stood. "Just wanted ta see what ya were readin'," Ah said, casually. Before he could do anythin', Ah yanked the paper out from under his head. It'd gotten pretty crumpled in the fall. He made a noise o' protest and reached after me, but Ah danced away from his hands, scoopin' up my towel as Ah went. "Ah'll see ya later, okay?" Before he could say anythin' else, Ah waltzed outta the room. It was turnin' out ta be one o' the best Fridays in a long time.
* * *
Maudit (cursed). Dat's all I could t'ink 'bout after Rogue left. Jus' maudit. On de other hand, I'd never seen a blue man blush before. Kurt had turned a fascinating shade of lavender. Still, on de whole, it might have been better if he hadn't come in at all. Shuddered t' t'ink 'bout all de stories dat might be circulating by de end of de evening. Hadn't taken me long t' find out dat gossip at de Institute traveled faster dan de speed of light. Was a scientific impossibility sans doute (doubtless).
Sighed and heaved myself t' my feet. De bed would have t' wait. Opened de door. "I know you're out dere, Kurt."
"Is it safe?"
"She's gone."
Kurt poked his head in de room, like he t'ought I was lying. "I didn't mean to come barging in. If I'd known...traurig (sorry)." One of de first t'ings I'd noticed about Kurt was dat he'd sometimes break into German when he was upset. Mebbe 't wasn't such a good t'ing t' know, because I was usually de one t' upset him. Don't t'ink he knew exactly what t' make of me. Not dat I knew what t' make of him, not after three weeks. Knew dat he dated a girl named Amanda, only watched comedies and knew everyt'ing dere was t' know about REM.
Knew dat I was never supposed t' ask him 'bout his old roommate.
Felt closer t' him because he spoke two languages and some of de times got dem mixed like I did, but I'd never told him dat, naturally.
Put my hand on his shoulder and he flinched. "Not what you t'ink, mon ami."
"I don't think anything," he insisted, staring at de floor like he wanted t' burn a hole in it. "I didn't see anything." He cast a guilty look at de bed. "How...how did you do zat?"
Had t' laugh at dat. "I'll tell y' when you're older." He looked at me and scowled, but just until he figured dat I was kidding. "Don't be late, keep your belle (sweetheart) waiting."
"Ah, yes, but vere is the..."
"Here." Picked up his jacket from beside my wrecked bed and tossed it t' him.
"Thanks. I didn't see a thing!" he assured me hastily before running out de door.
Sighed an' turned my attention t' de bed. Wasn't as bad as I'd t'ought before. Some of de slats at de bottom had fallen out, but dey weren't broken. Put dem back in and soon it was like de whole t'ing hadn't happened.
Dere was a sharp knock at de door. By de force of it I had a pretty good idea who it was.
"I'm naked!" I shouted.
"Ga-lee (expression of excitement/awe)," Rogue said sarcastically. Opened her mouth in an exaggerated "O" an' covered it wit' her hand. She'd changed out of de robe (pity) and brushed her wet hair severely back from her face. No makeup, but she was wearing de full complement of jewelry, counted at least four necklaces an' eight rings.
"Won't have y' picking up de language just t' insult me."
"Ah woulda thought your English was insultin' enough ta you already."
"Everyone's a comedian," I offered.
Rogue snorted. "'Ah'm naked.' What if Ah'd been Jean or somebody?"
Shrugged. "De ladies can't resist me."
"What if Ah'd been Scott?" she asked wit' a wicked grin.
"De boys neither."
"Ah'll bet." Crossing de room, she smoothed de crumpled paper she'd stolen from me earlier across my newly-repaired bed. "So what's this mean if ya don't mind tellin' me? Ya plannin' ta rob Bayville High?"
"Can't a man have some mystery?"
She shook her head vigorously. Droplets of water sprinkled my face. "Ya oughtta know by now that there're no secrets in th' x-men."
We looked at each other, unblinking. Except for Evan an' Logan an' Ororo an' even Kurt. De house was full of secrets, we both knew it, but no one ever talked 'bout it. Dere were some t'ings better left undisturbed.
Was unexpectedly reluctant t' tell her de reason dat I had a plan of de school. It was too coo-yon (stupid). "Wanted t' be prepared," I mumbled. Three weeks of getting used t' de Institute and de adults had decided it was time for me t' start regular classes.
She put her hand on my bicep. "It's okay ta be nervous."
"I'm not nervous!"
"Fine. You're not nervous." She swept her hands into de air. "God forbid th' great Remy LeBeau should be nervous 'bout anythin'."
"Mais (well), I just don't see de point. American history don't make de cards fly farther. Home economics don't make me stronger."
Rogue fought t' suppress a chuckle and failed. "You're takin' home economics?"
"Dat's not de point!"
"You're really takin' home economics." She bit her lip.
Folded my arms across my chest. "Needed de extra class."
"Watch out for Kitty's cookin'."
"I'll keep dat in mind," I said sourly.
Suddenly, she turned serious. "Look, it's been hard for all of us. When we first went back everyone knew our secret an' it was like startin' over. Some people lost a lotta friends that way. Um...so, leche pas la patate (don't let go of the potato, i.e. hang in there), okay?"
"Lache," I corrected automatically. "Lache pas la patate."
"See?" Her smile was dazzling and I found it hard t' concentrate. "You're a natural for French class at least, right?" She hugged me fiercely den, after a moment, touched her lips t' mine.
Dere was always somet'ing held back when I'd kissed Rogue before, a tiny space in de back of my head dat counted down de seconds until I had t' stop or get my powers drained. Dis time, when I started t' break away, she sighed deep in her throat, held my cheeks and pulled me closer. Her hands were cold and her rings were tiny weights on my skin. Her tongue slid delicately over my mouth.
Her hands were cold.
Dat alone should've made me stop, sit her down and ask her what de hell was going on. But her hands had left my face and dey were busy enough playing wit' de waistband of my pants. By de time she peeled my shirt off, I couldn't remember for de life o' me why de situation should be wrong.
* * *
disclaimer: not mine. never will be. money made from this: zero dollars.
(brief) author notes: this is the third in a series that includes these stories: une danse ronde, april witch and a missing scene, hands are the heart's landscape. while this takes place in a.u. land, I've included some of the major events in show continuity (e.g. jean + scott, evan + the morlocks) on the assumption that they took place in the five months between the last chapter of april witch and the epilogue. i ask you, why do so many x-men have accents? rogue, remy and now kurt! i'm doing the best i can here people!
one last caveat: there will be some sexual-type situations in this story, although nothing even close to a graphic depiction of sex. the scenes really aren't objectionable, but I'm giving fair warning now, just in case.
* * *
Th' yellin' started almost as soon as Ah closed the door, but Ah did my best ta ignore it.
"Rogue, vait, I have to get in zere! Amanda and I..."
"No way, Kurt! You always get, like, hair and junk all over the sink. It's totally gross. Lemme come in for a sec, Rogue. I promise to be quick." There was a scufflin' sound an' then a muffled thump as someone hit the door.
"Hey!" More scufflin' before Kitty's hand flailed through the wood. Good thing the rest o' her stayed on the other side.
Ah turned on the water an' waited for it ta get hot before Ah started fillin' the tub.
There was a gentle knock at the door. "Not to hurry you, Rogue, but Scott and I are running late..."
Ah dumped what musta been half a bottle o' Mr. Bubble into the water, stripped quickly an' climbed in. With my ears under, Ah couldn't even hear Jean's knockin' anymore. Ah sighed. Friday nights were the worst. Ah'd have though that when we were rebuildin' the Institute we woulda fixed some o' the old problems, but not this one. Too many people an' not enough bathrooms.
It wasn't troublin' me too much. Ah'd given up my turn ta Kurt the week before because he'd looked so pathetic, like Amanda wouldn't like him anymore if he didn't put on that extra splash o' cologne. Ah wanted ta tell him if she liked him blue she'd like him no matter what, but the fact was his sweet self-consciousness was pretty endearin'.
Ah washed my face an' shampooed my hair. Then Ah lay back an', stretchin' out, Ah toed open the tap so that more hot water poured in. Heat bloomed across my skin an' steam filled my lungs. The bubbles grew until they covered my face. Everythin' was real quiet an' Ah let out a sigh o' relief that they'd all finally gotten the message an' gone away.
But Ah'd thought too soon. "Lo-gan! Rogue's totally hogging the bathroom. She's been in there for, like, ten hours."
Logan rapped sharply on th' door. "Friday night, Stripes," was all he said. Ah could practically see one corner o' his mouth lifted in amusement. That ah-ta-be-young-again look.
Did Ah mention how much Ah hate Friday nights?
Ah sighed an' climbed outta the tub, pullin' the plug out as Ah left. After dryin' off quickly, Ah twirled my hair up in my towel an' wrapped my bathrobe tightly around me. Clutchin' all o' my clothes in one hand, Ah left the bathroom.
There was quite a line an' Ah had ta smile at that.
"There better be some hot water left," Kitty grumped. Ah beamed sweetly at her an' batted my eyelashes. She didn't really mean it anyway. While she was busy scowlin' at me, Kurt teleported past her, slammed the door an' locked it. "No fair!" Kitty howled, poundin' on the door. "Kurt you jerk, get out of there!" Ah waited just long enough ta see Kitty phase through the door and ta hear Kurt's outraged shout.
Ah laughed quietly ta myself as Ah padded back towards my room. Halfway down the hall Ah stopped. There was loud music comin' from Remy's room. He'd been paired up with Kurt because Evan was...gone. Livin' with the Morlocks in some damp, sunless place under all our feet. Ah shivered at the thought. No one talked about it much, the subject was too raw. We were especially careful in front o' Ms. Munroe, 'cause even his name never failed ta stir up sadness in her eyes.
Couldn't tell what the song was, but it had a lot o' bass. Practically rattled my teeth in their sockets. There was so much stuff 'bout Remy that was still a mystery ta me, like the fact that his musical taste was, ta put it mildly, eclectic. Ah'd heard everythin' from the Beatles ta David Bowie ta Bikini Kill pumpin' outta his room, usually at deafenin' levels. He seemed ta be in the mood for hardcore that night.
Ah dropped my bundle o' clothes on the floor an' eased the door open. He was sprawled out on his stomach on the bed, his back ta me. For a minute Ah was content just ta watch him. It was as if his whole body was an extension o' the music, he bobbed his head, tapped his fingers an' banged his feet, all in time ta the beat.
Between the music an' the paper in front o' him on the bed absorbin' his attention, it was too easy ta creep up behind him. Ah grabbed his sides an' all hell broke loose. He gave a hoarse shout, pushed himself up, flipped neatly in the air, grabbed hold o' my waist an' brought us both tumblin' down on the bed. It didn't stop there either. The bedframe (which had never been too stable ta start with) creaked ominously before crashin' onto the floor.
We lay there for awhile, lookin' at each other wide-eyed. My heart was goin' a mile a minute an' Ah could feel Remy's poundin' out syncopation. We were tangled in interestin' ways with my legs trapped between his an' my shoulder jammed into his side. The towel from my head had fallen off an' puddled on the floor. At least somethin' was goin' right for me: my robe had stayed tightly fastened.
Ah held my breath an' waited for the stampede o' feet, but nothin' came. Was it possible that they hadn't heard anythin' above the sound o' the music? Remy reached over an' flicked off the stereo.
"Always nice t' see you, beb," he said wryly.
"Uh...this didn't go exactly like Ah thought it would," Ah offered lamely.
He smoothed his right hand over my waist an' Ah felt like there was a whole herd o' butterflies trompin' around in my stomach. "So much for anticipating de unforseen, neh?" My eyes drifted closed as he pushed the edge o' my robe aside ta brush the tip o' his index finger across my collarbone. Ah shifted an' ran my hands across his shirt-covered stomach. He sucked in his breath sharply. "Rogue..." he began roughly.
"Remy, vere is the...scheisse (shit). Sorry." Ah whipped my head around just in time ta see Kurt blush bright red before he teleported outta th' room. Ah leaned my head against Remy's chest an' laughed until my stomach muscles went weak.
Ah untangled myself an' stood. "Just wanted ta see what ya were readin'," Ah said, casually. Before he could do anythin', Ah yanked the paper out from under his head. It'd gotten pretty crumpled in the fall. He made a noise o' protest and reached after me, but Ah danced away from his hands, scoopin' up my towel as Ah went. "Ah'll see ya later, okay?" Before he could say anythin' else, Ah waltzed outta the room. It was turnin' out ta be one o' the best Fridays in a long time.
* * *
Maudit (cursed). Dat's all I could t'ink 'bout after Rogue left. Jus' maudit. On de other hand, I'd never seen a blue man blush before. Kurt had turned a fascinating shade of lavender. Still, on de whole, it might have been better if he hadn't come in at all. Shuddered t' t'ink 'bout all de stories dat might be circulating by de end of de evening. Hadn't taken me long t' find out dat gossip at de Institute traveled faster dan de speed of light. Was a scientific impossibility sans doute (doubtless).
Sighed and heaved myself t' my feet. De bed would have t' wait. Opened de door. "I know you're out dere, Kurt."
"Is it safe?"
"She's gone."
Kurt poked his head in de room, like he t'ought I was lying. "I didn't mean to come barging in. If I'd known...traurig (sorry)." One of de first t'ings I'd noticed about Kurt was dat he'd sometimes break into German when he was upset. Mebbe 't wasn't such a good t'ing t' know, because I was usually de one t' upset him. Don't t'ink he knew exactly what t' make of me. Not dat I knew what t' make of him, not after three weeks. Knew dat he dated a girl named Amanda, only watched comedies and knew everyt'ing dere was t' know about REM.
Knew dat I was never supposed t' ask him 'bout his old roommate.
Felt closer t' him because he spoke two languages and some of de times got dem mixed like I did, but I'd never told him dat, naturally.
Put my hand on his shoulder and he flinched. "Not what you t'ink, mon ami."
"I don't think anything," he insisted, staring at de floor like he wanted t' burn a hole in it. "I didn't see anything." He cast a guilty look at de bed. "How...how did you do zat?"
Had t' laugh at dat. "I'll tell y' when you're older." He looked at me and scowled, but just until he figured dat I was kidding. "Don't be late, keep your belle (sweetheart) waiting."
"Ah, yes, but vere is the..."
"Here." Picked up his jacket from beside my wrecked bed and tossed it t' him.
"Thanks. I didn't see a thing!" he assured me hastily before running out de door.
Sighed an' turned my attention t' de bed. Wasn't as bad as I'd t'ought before. Some of de slats at de bottom had fallen out, but dey weren't broken. Put dem back in and soon it was like de whole t'ing hadn't happened.
Dere was a sharp knock at de door. By de force of it I had a pretty good idea who it was.
"I'm naked!" I shouted.
"Ga-lee (expression of excitement/awe)," Rogue said sarcastically. Opened her mouth in an exaggerated "O" an' covered it wit' her hand. She'd changed out of de robe (pity) and brushed her wet hair severely back from her face. No makeup, but she was wearing de full complement of jewelry, counted at least four necklaces an' eight rings.
"Won't have y' picking up de language just t' insult me."
"Ah woulda thought your English was insultin' enough ta you already."
"Everyone's a comedian," I offered.
Rogue snorted. "'Ah'm naked.' What if Ah'd been Jean or somebody?"
Shrugged. "De ladies can't resist me."
"What if Ah'd been Scott?" she asked wit' a wicked grin.
"De boys neither."
"Ah'll bet." Crossing de room, she smoothed de crumpled paper she'd stolen from me earlier across my newly-repaired bed. "So what's this mean if ya don't mind tellin' me? Ya plannin' ta rob Bayville High?"
"Can't a man have some mystery?"
She shook her head vigorously. Droplets of water sprinkled my face. "Ya oughtta know by now that there're no secrets in th' x-men."
We looked at each other, unblinking. Except for Evan an' Logan an' Ororo an' even Kurt. De house was full of secrets, we both knew it, but no one ever talked 'bout it. Dere were some t'ings better left undisturbed.
Was unexpectedly reluctant t' tell her de reason dat I had a plan of de school. It was too coo-yon (stupid). "Wanted t' be prepared," I mumbled. Three weeks of getting used t' de Institute and de adults had decided it was time for me t' start regular classes.
She put her hand on my bicep. "It's okay ta be nervous."
"I'm not nervous!"
"Fine. You're not nervous." She swept her hands into de air. "God forbid th' great Remy LeBeau should be nervous 'bout anythin'."
"Mais (well), I just don't see de point. American history don't make de cards fly farther. Home economics don't make me stronger."
Rogue fought t' suppress a chuckle and failed. "You're takin' home economics?"
"Dat's not de point!"
"You're really takin' home economics." She bit her lip.
Folded my arms across my chest. "Needed de extra class."
"Watch out for Kitty's cookin'."
"I'll keep dat in mind," I said sourly.
Suddenly, she turned serious. "Look, it's been hard for all of us. When we first went back everyone knew our secret an' it was like startin' over. Some people lost a lotta friends that way. Um...so, leche pas la patate (don't let go of the potato, i.e. hang in there), okay?"
"Lache," I corrected automatically. "Lache pas la patate."
"See?" Her smile was dazzling and I found it hard t' concentrate. "You're a natural for French class at least, right?" She hugged me fiercely den, after a moment, touched her lips t' mine.
Dere was always somet'ing held back when I'd kissed Rogue before, a tiny space in de back of my head dat counted down de seconds until I had t' stop or get my powers drained. Dis time, when I started t' break away, she sighed deep in her throat, held my cheeks and pulled me closer. Her hands were cold and her rings were tiny weights on my skin. Her tongue slid delicately over my mouth.
Her hands were cold.
Dat alone should've made me stop, sit her down and ask her what de hell was going on. But her hands had left my face and dey were busy enough playing wit' de waistband of my pants. By de time she peeled my shirt off, I couldn't remember for de life o' me why de situation should be wrong.
* * *