Part II
Bobby looked at the two women as they argued over making the attempt to remove the bullet lodged in Darien's spine. Both were tired and upset and it was showing. Neither of them had gotten along very well in months and with the revelation that Alyx's lab had solved the removal issue, well it had pissed off the Keeper to no end. He had tried to explain to her that it didn't really matter 'who' had solved the riddle, that the solution had been found was the important thing, but she'd just gotten angry at him as well.
Things had been shaky between Alyx, Darien, and Claire for months. Ever since Alyx had come back and Claire had followed the Official's orders and acted as The Keeper instead of the friend they had thought they were turning to and for a while it looked like neither Fawkes nor the kid was ever going to forgive her for that. Then had come the betrayal by... by... he still couldn't believe it. Things had seemed to improve between the girls after that, though Fawkes still resented not being told, being forced to endure the heartache of Alyx's death, fake though it was.
The gland solution was the last straw for Claire. Any friendship that had developed over the years was shoved to the far corner of her mind and left to rot. A causality of working for the Agency and being forced to divide loyalties.
But right now they needed to work together. "Girls, please." Both turned to look at him and neither looked very happy. "Claire if the bullet is removed what's the worse that will happen?"
"He'll remain the way he is. Be confined to a wheelchair." Claire answered in irritation.
"Best case?" Bobby asked.
"Full recovery with no side effects." Alyx answered.
"And if you do nothing?" Bobby was not used to being the one to point out the obvious in the medical area, but even he knew what would happen if they did nothing.
"Damn it Bobby. We know, but its too risky even with her 'talent'." Claire snapped.
Alyx growled in frustration and moved over to the table where a coffee maker had been set up and ripped open a packet of sugar. She poured the contents onto the table top ignoring Claire's protests all the while. Concentrating she lifted a single crystal of sugar to float in the air over the table, then another, and another, until there was a dancing ring of sugar hanging in the air; swaying and undulating to a pattern that could only be found in her mind. Alyx then lifted the open packet and moved the crystals back into it until there was not a single piece hanging in the air. Holding the re-filled packet in her hand she turned to Claire. "My fine control is more than adequate. It's for blasting that my control sucks. And you know I'll be able to feel the bullet." She set the packet back on the table. "The longer we wait the harder it will be to remove and you know it."
Claire glared at her for a minute and then sighed. "All right. I'll prep an OR. Can you be ready in two hours?"
Alyx nodded.
Bobby realized that they'd worked it out. That they were going to try to save Fawkes and maybe save himself in the process. "What do we tell Fawkes?"
"The truth, just don't tell him its me doing this. Explain it's a new technique or something." Alyx was thinking fast on her feet again. "Hell, outright lie to him if you have to."
"He won't like it. He'll think we're going on a gland hunt." Bobby knew that was true. Poor Darien just refused to believe that there could be another option.
"He can stay awake. He can tell us if there is any unusual pain. It won't be comfortable, but it will keep him from freaking." Alyx had moved back to the light box to look over the X-rays again. "Claire, I just want him to get well."
"Yeah, me too. I'll let him know." She moved to the small fridge and pulled out a vial of counteragent. "I better do this as well. Don't need anything unexpected during the surgery." She picked up the other items she needed and headed to the door. "Alyx, this will work."
Once she was gone Bobby watched Alyx who was doing her damnedest to hold herself together. "You have to forgive her eventually." When her shoulders slumped and she leaned against the wall he wondered if maybe this wasn't the best time for this.
"Bobby, I do, but she's so angry at me. The moment I get near her..." She shook her head. "I try to stay neutral, but sometimes she goes at me on purpose. Between Darien being upset at her and my lab... She's not ready yet. It won't get in the way of helping Darien, I swear it. I'd walk away first." Alyx wanted to slide down the wall and sit on the floor with her head in her hands, but didn't.
"Ah, hell kid." He'd forgotten, again, how sensitive she was to the emotional state of the rest of them. It was part of the reason she'd kept her distance at first. She'd had enough trouble dealing with her own emotions without having to deal with all of theirs. Even after she'd gained control she could read those closest to her without effort, without meaning to. He knew how hard it was for her some days to not let herself be affected by those around her. He couldn't imagine living that way. He was paranoid enough without having to deal with everyone else's fears. "It'll get better. Just give her some time."
"Of course, Bobby." She shifted, rolling her shoulders, and he heard her neck pop softly. "I'm gonna rest for a bit. Will you... will you go check on him for me, please?"
"Sure. Its not like he can throw me out right now." It was a poor attempt at humor, but it did garner a sad smile from her. "I might as well take advantage of it." He watched her move to one of the hard plastic chairs and not so much sit as collapse into it. "We'll get him back."
She could only nod and close her eyes. He hated seeing her like this, hated feeling like this, hated knowing all this was his fault.
"Bobby it was not your fault. I will never believe that you caused this." Alyx was saying to him. Her eyes opened, looking eerily bright. "You're too damn good to have done this even by accident."
Bobby tried to swallow around the sudden lump in his throat. "Kid, I was the only one shooting in that direction. There was no one else." He could tell she still didn't believe, that she still had confidence in him and his ability, but he knew better. He'd put Fawkes in that bed and he would do what was necessary to fix it. Somehow. "Get some rest."
She gave him a tired, lost sigh, and closed her eyes. He quietly left the room leaving her to find what rest and peace she could.
Darien jerked awake when a hand was laid on his shoulder blade, causing him to flinch uncontrollably and sending more pain shooting up his back. He groaned and held perfectly still until the pain faded to a dull ache that had become a constant companion. He wanted to go back to sleep, back to the dream, back to that false reality where he was not strapped to a bed unable to wiggle his toes or even feel if he still had them.
"Darien, I'm sorry to wake you, but I have some news." He didn't even bother to try to move his head to look at her. His Keeper never said anything that interested him any more. "We're going to remove the bullet in a little over an hour."
Darien stopped breathing for a moment as an instant of hope surged to the surface. It faded quickly as the reality of situation sank back in. Things couldn't have changed that much since yesterday, when she couldn't remove it, which meant it was more likely the gland she was going to remove. "Don't lie to me, Keeper. Unless you enjoy the torture."
"I'm not lying. There is a new technique for just these situations. It took some time to contact the specialist. He's prepping for the surgery now." He could hear her moving about and wondered what she was doing. "I'm going to give you a shot of counteragent as a precaution."
He turned his head to watch her as she approached the IV line with the syringe of blue liquid. Who knew if it was really counteragent or not. It could be a sedative that they'd added a bit of dye to. It wouldn't be the first time he'd been tricked that way. Looking at his right wrist, he had to admit it was time for a shot. He only had three segments left green and, now that he was paying attention, he realized he did have a headache. Still that dull distant knocking, but soon enough it would make itself known in full. As she injected the contents of the syringe into the line he felt relief when the familiar rush of counteragent hit him. "Why should I believe a thing you say?"
He saw her lips tighten, the way her brow knit, and knew he'd angered her and maybe something else as well. Maybe upset her with his admitting to his lack of trust. He hadn't really trusted her in months, not in matters beyond those in the Keep anyway. She had watched him fall into total and utter despair when Alyx had 'died' and done nothing to help him beyond treating the obvious symptoms of severe depression and alcoholic binges. Just telling him she was alive would have saved him so much heartache and pain. On one occasion she had shouted at him in frustration about why he wasn't angry with Alyx. She had deceived him as well. He had no way to explain it to her. His relief at having her alive overrode any thoughts of anger or resentment. Because of what Alyx was she had been able to experience and share the pain he'd gone through, which had helped him get beyond his fear of losing her again. That and the promise she had made to him.
That stopped his train of thought. He'd also made a promise during that week up at the cabin and just a few hours ago he'd broken it, shredded it, snapped it into pieces so small there was no way to put it back together. "Claire," his voice cracked on her name.
She chose to ignore the pain in his voice, or interpreted it as something else. "Darien you will be awake during the procedure." She checked his monitor and was satisfied to see it green. "At most there will be a local anesthetic. I just thought you'd want to know ahead of time." She glanced at the clock. "I have to get prepared. Orderlies will be by to get you in about half an hour." She gathered up the equipment and left the room without another word.
Darien closed his eyes, not wanting to think, not wanting to believe, not wanting to hurt anymore. Not wanting to hope.
Bobby stood off to one side of the operating room in Darien's line of sight, hoping that his presence would ease the fear that was written on every line of Darien's body. He could hear the fast paced beeping that was the heart monitor, could see the numbers that showed his friend's blood pressure was far higher than normal. So far nothing had convinced him that they were going to remove the bullet and nothing else. The fact that he'd been told he would not be meeting the 'doctor' who would perform the procedure seemed to be the last bit of evidence he needed to convince himself something sinister was going to happen. Bobby could see it in his eyes. He was within seconds of vanishing from sight and that would not be good given the number of technicians in the room who were not cleared to know about Darien's little disappearing act.
Claire and Alyx came in then from the far door that Darien could not see. Both women were decked out in dark green scrubs including the masks. If it weren't for those eyes of hers you'd never know it was Alyx, her features were so well hidden. Claire moved over into Darien's line of sight and squatted down to look him in the eye.
"Darien, I'm going to administer a local, but you will still feel to a degree. You need to tell us of any pain through your spine." Claire kept her voice even, soothing, but with little effect. "You need to relax, please."
Darien swallowed hard and closed his eyes for a moment. He could do this. He hadn't been practicing all this time for nothing. He took a few calming breaths and convinced his body to relax, his heart rate to slow, his blood pressure to come back down. He was unable to return it to normal, but it was better.
"Good, Darien. Perfect. If you can keep it like that everything will be fine."
He opened his eyes keeping his breathing carefully controlled. "Claire, I... I'm sorry."
"Its all right. We'll deal with it later." He watched her pick up a nasty looking syringe filled with a clear liquid. "The local." She moved out of his direct line of sight. "You should feel a pinch and then a mild burning sensation. Like Lidocaine at the dentist's office."
"O... okay." Darien got out, still not feeling secure with this. But when seconds later he felt nothing more than what she described he was able to relax a bit more.
"Fifteen minutes, Darien." Claire was still off somewhere behind him so he watched Bobby who was nodding to him.
"Everything is fine, Fawkes." Bobby tried to reassure him. "Just do as the Keep says and you'll be outta here in no time." When this didn't seem to inspire the confidence he thought it should he try a different tack. "Fawkes, I won't let nothing happen to you."
"Bobby you can come sit next to him if you like." Claire said quietly.
Bobby knew that wasn't standard, hell his being in here wasn't standard, but these were special circumstances and if he could help keep Fawkes calm he'd do whatever was needed. "Fawkes?"
"Ummm, yeah that might be a good idea." Darien somehow kept his voice steady, but the heart monitor gave it away.
Bobby grabbed one of those stools and pulled it over to sit near Fawkes' head. "Relax, Fawkes. Nothing is going to happen while I'm here. I don't bail on my friends, remember."
"I know, Hobbes." Darien took a moment to calm back down, to quiet his racing heart. Then he screwed up his courage and asked softly, "How's Alyx?"
Bobby was a little surprised. Maybe his words had sunk in. "Doing about as well as you. She hasn't even been home yet since getting back"
Darien closed his eyes for a long moment, but when he opened them his look was sad. He still believed he'd done the right thing in sending her away. She should have gone home, not hung around here waiting for another report of the worst. "Tell her to go home. I'm sure the Official has work for her."
Bobby didn't comment and didn't turn his head to look at the woman in question, who was standing just a few feet away and who, he was quite sure, had heard every soft spoken word. "Fawkes, the chief knows she's here and isn't worried about it right now. Hell, I've spent more time here than at the office the last few days." When it looked like Darien was going to protest Bobby shook his head. "Let us worry about the Official."
"Darien, tell me what you feel." Claire was standing at the far side of the table with a dull tipped probe. She touched several spots on his back in order to determine if he was numb enough to proceed. When she put the probe away she turned to Alyx and nodded. "Darien, you might feel a sensation of warmth; don't worry about it unless it becomes painful. Anything else and let us know."
"Okay." Darien replied with a voice gone faint. He watched as Bobby's eyes flickered from himself to whomever it was that was going to try and save his sorry ass. A moment later he did feel heat deep in his back. It wasn't really painful, just very odd.
"Darien you need to relax as much as you can now." Claire was doing that steady soothing voice she had perfected years ago and it seemed to work this time.
Bobby watched as Darien took in a deep breath and released it slowly. Then he turned to watch Alyx. Her hands hovered about an inch above Darien's back and her eyes were closed as she concentrated. He knew what she planned to do, knew that the heat Fawkes was feeling was a byproduct of her heating the bullet slightly to soften it and allow it to slide out easily from between the bones instead of being forced out. How she was managing to heat it enough to soften the metal and yet not burn Fawkes was beyond him and he hadn't even bothered to listen to the explanation. He did know she was going to have one hell of a headache afterwards. Claire already had medication and a place for her to sleep set up nearby.
Darien suddenly yelped and went dead pale, but Bobby could see the bullet hovering in the air and Claire held out a metal bowl for it to drop into with a clink of metal on metal. Alyx took the bowl and quickly left the room, swaying a bit as she did so, and Claire went to work cleaning the reopened wound and putting on a dressing.
"Fawkes, its over. Its out." Bobby rested a hand on his shoulder.
"Really?" There was hope in that one word.
"Really. I promise. I'll show you the damn thing later." He looked from Darien to Claire, who had finished and was removing her mask.
She nodded to him. "Some drugs to keep down the swelling, some X-rays and we'll see how you're doing." She walked around the bed to look down at Darien. "Rest for a bit. The worst is over for now."
Darien nodded slowly, carefully, as if afraid he would jar something loose, and closed his eyes. Within moments he was asleep. Claire peeled off her gloves and ran her fingers through his hair like she'd seen Alyx do a hundred times and it seemed to work as he settled even deeper into a reasonably normal slumber for the first time in days.
"Keepy?" Bobby was wondering what would happen next.
"Everything went fine, but Alyx needs to speak to you." She turned to look at him. "Go on. I have to start the anti-inflammatory drugs and get him back to his room."
Bobby got to his feet. He knew there was nothing suspicious going on. She would do exactly what she just said she would. "Half an hour?"
"Yeah, we'll take turns sitting with him. We both need some sleep." Claire gave him a small smile and waved for him to go. "She'll be in the lab."
Bobby gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and left the room to find Alyx. She was right where Claire said she would be. She sat at the table sipping from a cup of coffee that she held gingerly in one hand. Her other was attempting to offer some sort of support to keep her head from hitting the table. It looked to be a losing battle.
She looked like crap and even he could tell she had one of her headaches. "Kid, take your meds." Bobby sat across from her.
"In a minute." She held up a plastic bag in which he could see the bullet. He tried not to flinch away from the evidence of his mistake. "Bobby you still using that Colt 1911?"
Her question surprised him. "Yeah, kid. Why?"
She handed him the bag and took a moment to rub her forehead. "There is no way in hell that's a .45 slug, Bobby."
Bobby took a look at the bullet through the clear plastic of the bag and had to admit she was probably right. They'd need to do a test fire of his gun and compare to be sure, but... "Wait, that means..."
"You didn't shoot Darien, Bobby. Someone else did." She waved at the bag. "Can you get that to Ebes..." she stopped dead, her face awash in pain.
"I know kid. I forget some days too." Bobby reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. He and Eberts had never really gotten along, but they did have fun, of a sort, in their mutual animosity. The kid, however, had been his friend as well as co-worker. They'd spent time off duty working on projects, trading stories, or just hanging out. It had hit her hard. After finding out the truth about her husband, the betrayal of one of her friends had hurt her deeply. "Its still Ms. 'Prickly' filling in. I'll get this to her." He gave her hand a last squeeze before releasing it. "We should know for sure by tomorrow. Get some rest, okay?"
"You too, Bobby." Alyx said in a subdued voice. "Oh, I told you so."
Bobby smiled as he got to his feet. "Yes, you did. Thanks." He appreciated her effort to grin at him. For once he didn't mind being told, 'I told you so' because this time it left him with a sense of relief and lightened heart. He hadn't done this to Fawkes; he hadn't shot his best friend. Leaving the room another thought struck him. If he hadn't done it, then who the hell had? And why?
With those thoughts to spur him on he rushed from the hospital and to his van. He had to talk to the Official.
When Darien finally woke up sometime the next day he was feeling reasonably clearheaded. He did have to wonder if maybe Claire had snuck some sort of sleepy drug into him for, except when she specifically woke him up for some reason; he'd been sleeping since the bullet had been removed. He vaguely remembered having some X-rays taken as well as some other tests and remembered having a rather disjointed and confusing conversation with Bobby that he couldn't quite seem to remember. Something about Bobby not shooting him.
He stretched slowly, being careful of the various wires that were still attached to him. His left arm ached from the IV that had been in place for days now. He felt stiff everywhere, like he'd done nothing but lie around for days, which was exactly what he'd been doing. His lower back ached, but there were none of the shooting pains that had happened before. He still couldn't feel anything below his waist, but he now had some small hope that he might.
Rotating his head, he was shocked to see Alyx sitting quietly in the one comfortable chair in the room holding a book rigged with a small light. Her feet were propped up on a rolling stool she must have swiped from somewhere else. She was wearing a pair of oversized dark green scrubs that were way too large for her and reminded him of the first time they had met. She appeared to have showered recently and her hair was pulled up into a loose bun. It was obvious that she had yet to go home and had most likely been here since yesterday morning or whenever it was that she had first shown up.
"What are you doing here?" He didn't even recognize his own voice, it was so rough.
Alyx lifted her head to look at him. "Claire and Bobby needed to sleep. So I offered to sit with you. You've been out of it for a while." She turned off the small book light and set the book down. "You should have told someone you hadn't been sleeping."
Darien just blinked at her. He wasn't all that surprised that she'd figured it out. He'd been afraid to sleep. Afraid that if he closed his eyes and allowed himself to rest he'd never wake up again, or perhaps find himself glandless and cast away to some Agency asylum to rot for his remaining days. "You can go, I'll be fine." It came out gruffer than he intended, partially because of how his voice sounded. He could double as a fricking fog horn right now.
She stiffened. "Darien you made your choice about us, but unless you want to be a complete fool I am still your friend. You could treat me as such."
Her words hit hard mainly because she was right. Did he really want to push her that far? Avoid her altogether? Damn it, no, but how could he see her, be near her without hurting, hurting both of them. He must have lain there thinking for longer than he should have.
"Fine." she said quietly. She got to her feet and walked over to him. "I'll respect your decision, but for now you're stuck with me. Bobby will be here in a couple of hours and I'll leave then." She closed her eyes for a second. "Your Keeper has asked me to inform you that everything went very well and the swelling was minimal due to the removal." She opened her eyes. "You can lie on your left side for a while if you'd like."
Her voice was so soft he could barely hear her. "My side? How about on my back?"
Alyx shook her head. "Not yet. You still have this nifty hole back there." She stepped closer. "I can get one of the orderlies if you'd rather not have me help."
"No, that's okay." He was confused. Admittedly she'd preempted the decision he hadn't yet made, but still she was willing to help and without any obvious anger in her. "Alyx," She had moved to retrieve an odd looking cushion. "Thanks."
"Any time. Now lets do this." She set cushion on the bed and began shifting monitors and wires about so that he wouldn't get tangled as he moved. "All right. I'll shift your legs as you move your upper body. Your back might hurt a bit, but Claire has assured me there is no danger of damage so don't freak. Okay?"
Darien froze, suddenly not sure what to do. "This may sound silly, but how?"
"Just like you always do. It'll work. Trust me." Alyx had moved further down the bed with her hands on his legs, ready to shift them as he rolled.
Moving cautiously his shifted his left arm beneath him, being wary of the IV line, and rolled slowly until he was on his side. His balance was a bit off, but instead of flopping backwards he found himself supported by the cushion tucked snugly against his back and he relaxed back into it. Looking down he discovered Alyx making a few minor adjustments to his leg position and he became suddenly embarrassed. Isn't this what he was trying to protect her from? This was why he had told her to leave in the first place, this was what he'd been trying to save her from, and yet here she was doing it anyway.
She adjusted the blankets up a little higher and checked the lines and wires again just to make sure. Opening the drawer on the nightstand she reached in and pulled out a chain, the kind you put dog tags on. "Bobby found the ring and was worried you might lose it." She handed him the chain from which the ring hung to him. "He said you could 'thank him later, Ralph'."
Darien took the chain and slipped it over his head, but found himself unable to meet her eyes.
"Are you hungry?"
He lifted his head in surprise. He'd hadn't been hungry in days, though he'd forced himself to eat at least a small amount of what was shoved at him three times a day. It was never enough to satisfy the guy feeding him or Claire, for that matter, but it was all he was willing to do. What was the point after all? Not being able to walk was not a life as far as he was concerned, so why bother trying to sustain said life? Right now he truly was nothing more than that 'receptacle' the Official had dubbed him as ages ago. It was not how he wanted to live. Forced to rely on others for everything. His friends growing distant because he was too 'inconvenient' for their lives. Too much work for too little reward. It sure wasn't his sterling wit they hung around for, nor his ability to memorize useless quotes.
He found himself growing angry. "Enjoying this are you? How about a year from now? You still going to be willing to help me roll over? Or will you have gone away like I told you to."
"Excuse me?" Alyx sounded offended.
"Like I can't figure it out on my own. Six months from now I'll be forgotten. No one wanting to bother with the effort it would take to have anything to do with me. Another failed experiment for the Agency to sweep under the rug and pretend never happened." Darien's throat was becoming increasingly sore, his voice lower and rougher. He watched her look harden, the muscles in her jaw clenching and he realized she was truly angry with him, something he hadn't seen in ages. Not since early in her stay at the Agency.
"Well, now I know who to nominate for the asshole of the year award. You want me out of your god damned life, you got it." She moved to press the call button near the door and seconds later one of the orderlies assigned to him came in. "Flannery, would you please help Mr. Fawkes get cleaned and dressed while I get his breakfast?" Her voice had returned to something resembling normal for the man. "Some of his clothes are in the bag across the room. His Doctor thought he might be more comfortable in them."
"Of course Miss Silver." Flannery said as he moved to retrieve the bag and begin readying the necessary items to help Darien get cleaned up.
"You will eat what I bring you. By yourself." Alyx's voice was hard, cold and he found himself unable to look away. "You are not some squalling infant incapable of fending for himself, no matter how much you are behaving like one. Grow up and deal." With a quick turn the door came open on its own and she stormed out, anger written in every movement of her body.
"Mr. Fawkes," Darien tipped his head slightly to focus on Flannery who was holding an oddly shaped bottle. It was looking like today it wasn't going to take two guys to help him piss.
He sighed. "Lets get this over with."
"Yes, Mr. Fawkes I'd like nothing better."
Darien found this strange, even though his own attitude had sucked Flannery had been unfailingly kind to him previously, trying to draw him into a conversation about a recent sporting event or some other random tidbit, but not today. Today he was coolly neutral and did what was necessary and nothing more. He had Darien do as much as he was able and only helped when specifically asked. By the time everything was done Darien was feeling tired, sore, and angry. He was the injured party; he was not able to do most of this stuff himself. He truly believed this. How the hell was he supposed to put on a pair of underwear when he couldn't move his damn legs?
In the end he was dressed in a pair of his pajama bottoms and a tank top he habitually slept in. The IV line and other items were disconnected, which felt oddly freeing. He had to admit being in his own clothes felt wonderful and he was able to get a bit more comfortable on the bed with the head slightly elevated, but still on his side.
When Alyx finally returned with a tray covered in more food he could eat in a week, he was beginning to regret his comments to her, but at the same time he knew he would not apologize or back down. He watched as she and Flannery conversed quietly for a moment before he left. Then she set the tray on the rolling table and rolled it over to Darien. She made some adjustments to its height and then stepped away.
"Eat." Was all she said before moving back to the chair she'd been in before and opening her book.
He stared at the food, his throat dry, his stomach roiling with combined nausea and a hunger he hadn't taken notice of in days. He couldn't even bring himself to pick up the fork. What was the point ultimately?
"Fawkes, just eat or I will hold your nose shut and force feed you." Darien twitched at the lack of feeling in those words. No emotion at all, but the fact that she had called him Fawkes twice now, instead of Darien, or her more personal Dare, convinced him she'd do it and with not one tiny glimmer of sympathy in her eyes or carriage. Fingering the ring on the chain, he picked up the fork and stabbed at the scrambled eggs on the plate and forced the small piece in his mouth. With that one simple act his hunger blossomed full and he had to force himself to go slow.
By the time Bobby had arrived the tray was bare.