This is a crossover between Wish by CLAMP, and Good Omens by Neil
Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. I apologize for the formatting problems I was
experiencing earlier.I have one of those word processors that changes the
format frequently, and for no reason whatsoever.I think I've fixed them
now, though. This is but the beginning chapter, though I don't know when
I'll have the next ones up, hopefully soon. If you haven't read wish,
that's probably OK. If you really want to know what its about, there is a
really good website describing it at -
manga_wish.html , though its not the official website (I haven't found that
yet). There will end up being some disturbing sexual scenes, though not
between Crowley and Aziraphale (Promise!!). Its gonna be funny.
Disclaimer: Crowley, Aziraphale, The Metatron, and Beelzebub are owned by Niel Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. Kouryuu and Kohaku belong to CLAMP, and there is currently a legal battle between The Christian Church and the American Marketing Counsel over the ownership of GOD.
It was a not a dark and stormy night. There was instead a mild argument between the sun and clouds about who should have precedence today. In other words, it was a normal English day.
Normally Crowley quite liked these days, as it made everybody's life just a little bit worse. Today, however, it was including him in the misery, all the more so because he didn't know why. And when Crowley was angry, so was everybody else. That was just the natural order of things.
************************************************************************
On this same day, Aziraphale was attempting, in his most persuasive way, to prevent a customer who was hell-bent1 on purchasing a certain book from purchasing that exact book.
"Well, then..." he said in his most evil voice- his vampire voice, as Crowley called it, as he had become quite frightened when he had first heard it. "You wish to purchase this book, eh?" we shall have to see about the price, then. now, if you'll give me the book. well, then we might see about the price.," ripping the book from the hands of the purchaser as he spoke, careful to hold the book in a light that made it seem old, filthy, and most likely infested by both rats and politicians.
"Ah, I see you've picked up one of my oldest books. Well, there will certainly be an added charge for that. Well then, I believe a fair price would be about three hundred pounds. That's very fair, don't you think?"
The customer, who happened to be an American, was not used to shops not going out of their way to ensure that he made a purchase. This was causing a conflict of signals in him. One part of him wanted to go bargain shopping, and find the damn book at a better price somewhere else. The other part of him was saying that he had always gotten everything he wanted at the first shop he tried, and he was not going to let the fact that he was in England stop him.
Aziraphale saw this, and decided it was time to bring out the big guns, so to speak. He had become somewhat more lenient with his miracles after the incident with the Antichrist, or, to be more precise, the incident with the sergeant who was preventing him from averting the apocalypse, because that sort of thing hadn't been cleared by management yet. Anyway, he had a new trick, inspired by old Mr Shadwell, and was pleased at the occasion to try it out. Besides, it would only work with Americans, and he didn't get many of them in his store.
After carefully lining up his hand underneath a newly loose wooden support, h turned to the American, who suddenly was feeling somewhat tired, leaned against the counter, causing the support to fall on Aziraphale's hand. Aziraphale screamed that his hand was cut off, and for him to call the police. Now, despite all their good intentions3, the first and most important instinct of an American is to avoid all dealings with the police, and they are incredibly good at sensing what scenarios will invoke police attention. The American felt this was one of those times, and fled. Aziraphale calmly miracled his hand and shop better, and smiled at himself. The smile soon turned to a frown, however, as he realized that something was wrong, but he didn't know just what, and that worried him.
1Not literally, of course. If the customer had indeed been literally hell- bent on making that purchase, Aziraphale would have had to let him buy it, as Gabriel had recently sent him a note asking as to why he had been encouraging humans to join the other side if it meant he got to keep his books, and if he felt that strongly about it, he might have a go at finding out what exactly he had sentenced those mortals to for a few hundred years, eh?
2I am a Canadian. Subsequently, I know nothing about the pound-system. I apologize to anyone who might be offended at the price of items, or at my vocabulary of their monetary systems.
3Cough, cough.
************************************************************************
Even though Crowley and Aziraphale didn't know what was going on, someone else did4. Actually two people. And by some great twist of chance, these happened to be the exact two people who were engineering the reason for this sense of discontent. The Metatron and Beelzebub were meeting for their monthly Coffee5, and discussing the request that had been made for them to have some Asian metaphysical beings in their care for a while6.
"I don't see why they have to dump their problem makers on us" grumbled Beelzebub, who kept his buzzing accent for times when he felt it was needed. "we don't do that to them. We just ignore them, don't we?"
"Yes well, they did say we could send us a couple of ours bad ones after we sent back theirs. They said to think of it as a metaphysical being exchange, really." The Metatron said. He was getting fed up with people not following the correct political procedure, and actually expecting a reply within a hundred years, and on top of that, that reply couldn't be "We will soon to review your case. We thank you for your patience"7.
"Well, do they really think that we would have any faults that they could leach from us? The nerve of them." Beelzebub said this with pleasure. He took the utmost delight in cruelly discrediting any being, whether it be mortal or.not-mortal. The Metatron was about to agree when his eye fell upon the folder of Crowley and Aziraphale.
"You know." The Metatron said slowly. "I don't think that those two apocalypse-stoppers have been properly punished yet." Beelzebub made his best attempt at smiling like a snake. The Metatron shook his head, and called to confirm the arrival of the demon Kouryuu and angel Kohaku.
4Besides GOD, who knows everything, so it is pointless to include him that type of sentence. Also, it has been noted that since GOD does not act on anything he knows, he does not legally know anything. Since this was first noticed, anonymous politicians have been working on an attempt to have him placed in a building more open to his type of person, where there are nice padded walls in every room in case he decides to play an imaginary game of skeeball by himself.
5Beelzebub had taken up Crowley's advise, for once, and began drinking coffee, instead of tea, as it was felt that coffee manufacturers were the root of all man-made evil in the western hemisphere. This was quite close to being true, but was dwarfed in comparison to elementary school teacher- librarians, who felt that GOD had placed them on the earth so that they could teach all the little children how to read, and that satan had allowed them to be placed on this earth so they could promote an intense view of "the end justifies the means" The Metatron drank coffee because the new fashion in heaven was that if mortals had to suffer, so did they.
6The Asians had long since had their own ideas and rules, resulting in GOD allowing them their own chapter of angels, demons, etc. These were now so different it was sometimes hard to realise that they were once from the same stock, and now had their own abilities that differed quite a lot from those of the European metaphysical beings. They even had their own heaven and hell, which many of the quebec metaphysical beings were displeased about now, and were considering revolting to get their own heaven/hell.
7This was the international letter of beurocracy, which, translated, meant "we have carefully filed your report in the wastebasket, but now you are expected to buy all of our products as we will reveal all of your nasty secrets if you don't. This is what becomes of you if you dare write to a beurocratic assembly"
PLEASE review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Disclaimer: Crowley, Aziraphale, The Metatron, and Beelzebub are owned by Niel Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. Kouryuu and Kohaku belong to CLAMP, and there is currently a legal battle between The Christian Church and the American Marketing Counsel over the ownership of GOD.
It was a not a dark and stormy night. There was instead a mild argument between the sun and clouds about who should have precedence today. In other words, it was a normal English day.
Normally Crowley quite liked these days, as it made everybody's life just a little bit worse. Today, however, it was including him in the misery, all the more so because he didn't know why. And when Crowley was angry, so was everybody else. That was just the natural order of things.
************************************************************************
On this same day, Aziraphale was attempting, in his most persuasive way, to prevent a customer who was hell-bent1 on purchasing a certain book from purchasing that exact book.
"Well, then..." he said in his most evil voice- his vampire voice, as Crowley called it, as he had become quite frightened when he had first heard it. "You wish to purchase this book, eh?" we shall have to see about the price, then. now, if you'll give me the book. well, then we might see about the price.," ripping the book from the hands of the purchaser as he spoke, careful to hold the book in a light that made it seem old, filthy, and most likely infested by both rats and politicians.
"Ah, I see you've picked up one of my oldest books. Well, there will certainly be an added charge for that. Well then, I believe a fair price would be about three hundred pounds. That's very fair, don't you think?"
The customer, who happened to be an American, was not used to shops not going out of their way to ensure that he made a purchase. This was causing a conflict of signals in him. One part of him wanted to go bargain shopping, and find the damn book at a better price somewhere else. The other part of him was saying that he had always gotten everything he wanted at the first shop he tried, and he was not going to let the fact that he was in England stop him.
Aziraphale saw this, and decided it was time to bring out the big guns, so to speak. He had become somewhat more lenient with his miracles after the incident with the Antichrist, or, to be more precise, the incident with the sergeant who was preventing him from averting the apocalypse, because that sort of thing hadn't been cleared by management yet. Anyway, he had a new trick, inspired by old Mr Shadwell, and was pleased at the occasion to try it out. Besides, it would only work with Americans, and he didn't get many of them in his store.
After carefully lining up his hand underneath a newly loose wooden support, h turned to the American, who suddenly was feeling somewhat tired, leaned against the counter, causing the support to fall on Aziraphale's hand. Aziraphale screamed that his hand was cut off, and for him to call the police. Now, despite all their good intentions3, the first and most important instinct of an American is to avoid all dealings with the police, and they are incredibly good at sensing what scenarios will invoke police attention. The American felt this was one of those times, and fled. Aziraphale calmly miracled his hand and shop better, and smiled at himself. The smile soon turned to a frown, however, as he realized that something was wrong, but he didn't know just what, and that worried him.
1Not literally, of course. If the customer had indeed been literally hell- bent on making that purchase, Aziraphale would have had to let him buy it, as Gabriel had recently sent him a note asking as to why he had been encouraging humans to join the other side if it meant he got to keep his books, and if he felt that strongly about it, he might have a go at finding out what exactly he had sentenced those mortals to for a few hundred years, eh?
2I am a Canadian. Subsequently, I know nothing about the pound-system. I apologize to anyone who might be offended at the price of items, or at my vocabulary of their monetary systems.
3Cough, cough.
************************************************************************
Even though Crowley and Aziraphale didn't know what was going on, someone else did4. Actually two people. And by some great twist of chance, these happened to be the exact two people who were engineering the reason for this sense of discontent. The Metatron and Beelzebub were meeting for their monthly Coffee5, and discussing the request that had been made for them to have some Asian metaphysical beings in their care for a while6.
"I don't see why they have to dump their problem makers on us" grumbled Beelzebub, who kept his buzzing accent for times when he felt it was needed. "we don't do that to them. We just ignore them, don't we?"
"Yes well, they did say we could send us a couple of ours bad ones after we sent back theirs. They said to think of it as a metaphysical being exchange, really." The Metatron said. He was getting fed up with people not following the correct political procedure, and actually expecting a reply within a hundred years, and on top of that, that reply couldn't be "We will soon to review your case. We thank you for your patience"7.
"Well, do they really think that we would have any faults that they could leach from us? The nerve of them." Beelzebub said this with pleasure. He took the utmost delight in cruelly discrediting any being, whether it be mortal or.not-mortal. The Metatron was about to agree when his eye fell upon the folder of Crowley and Aziraphale.
"You know." The Metatron said slowly. "I don't think that those two apocalypse-stoppers have been properly punished yet." Beelzebub made his best attempt at smiling like a snake. The Metatron shook his head, and called to confirm the arrival of the demon Kouryuu and angel Kohaku.
4Besides GOD, who knows everything, so it is pointless to include him that type of sentence. Also, it has been noted that since GOD does not act on anything he knows, he does not legally know anything. Since this was first noticed, anonymous politicians have been working on an attempt to have him placed in a building more open to his type of person, where there are nice padded walls in every room in case he decides to play an imaginary game of skeeball by himself.
5Beelzebub had taken up Crowley's advise, for once, and began drinking coffee, instead of tea, as it was felt that coffee manufacturers were the root of all man-made evil in the western hemisphere. This was quite close to being true, but was dwarfed in comparison to elementary school teacher- librarians, who felt that GOD had placed them on the earth so that they could teach all the little children how to read, and that satan had allowed them to be placed on this earth so they could promote an intense view of "the end justifies the means" The Metatron drank coffee because the new fashion in heaven was that if mortals had to suffer, so did they.
6The Asians had long since had their own ideas and rules, resulting in GOD allowing them their own chapter of angels, demons, etc. These were now so different it was sometimes hard to realise that they were once from the same stock, and now had their own abilities that differed quite a lot from those of the European metaphysical beings. They even had their own heaven and hell, which many of the quebec metaphysical beings were displeased about now, and were considering revolting to get their own heaven/hell.
7This was the international letter of beurocracy, which, translated, meant "we have carefully filed your report in the wastebasket, but now you are expected to buy all of our products as we will reveal all of your nasty secrets if you don't. This is what becomes of you if you dare write to a beurocratic assembly"
PLEASE review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!