Disclaimer: read the disclaimer in the first chapter. That about covers it.
Crowley slowly went back to his Bentley. Usually, watching motorists get confused and angry as the traffic lights1 played musical lights cheered him up to no end. And it had- for about two minutes. Maybe a drink could sooth this bloody feeling of discontent, or maybe a ride in the Bentley could do it. After all, he reasoned, if he rode in the Bentley, he could take the M25 and drive like crazy to get all of the motorists angry, confused, and a little bit closer to hell. With a renewed feeling of relief, he got in the car, and picked out one of his CD's to listen to. it didn't matter which one. They had all been in the car for more than a fortnight2. The strains of Queen came flooded out of his car's speakers
Thunder bolts and lightning, very very frightening CROWLEY? Crowley blessed under his breath. His day was already miserable, and every time he was contacted by hell, it got worse. CROWLEY, WE HAVE A VERY SPECIAL ASIGNMENT FOR YOU, Freddie Mercury told him. CONSIDER IT OUR LITTLE WAY OF SAYING 'THANK YOU' FOR AVERTING THE APOCOLYPSE. Now Crowley knew he was in trouble. Hell hadn't been all that pleased with his and Aziraphales little crusade to save humanity, but so far nothing had happened to him. He had begun to hope that the Antichrist had sorted it all out for him before deciding to become human. NOT THAT THIS IS YOUR ONLY THANKS, MIND YOU. THERE HAVE SIMPLY BEEN LARGE AMOUNTS OF PAPERWORK THAT NEED TO BE FILLED OUT BEFORE WE CAN THANK YOU PROPERLY, AND WE KEEP ON FINDING MORE. Ah. So he had dealt with it, only he did so in a way that hell would understand. Clever boy, that Adam Young. WE HAVE BEEN MADE RESPONSIBLE FOR AN ASIAN DEMON FOR THE NEXT PERIOD OF TIME. WE HAVE PLACED IT UPON YOUR SHOULDERS TO ENSURE THAT - IT - WILL NOT CAUSE ANY TROUBLE FOR US, BEFORE AND AFTER HIS SUPEERIORS GET A REPORT OF WHAT - IT - HAS BEEN DOING WHILE IN OUR CARE. AFTER YOU HAVE DONE THIS, YOU MAY EVEN GET A CHANCE TO TRAVEL TO - ITS - HOME FOR A WHILE.
"Yeah?" said Crowley. He noticed that whoever it was that was talking was always hesitating before stating that the demon was genderless. He wondered what that was about.3. "So, how do I get in touch with this demon?"
HE WILL FIND YOU. OH AND ONE OTHER THING. THERE IS TO BE AN ASIAN ANGEL SENT TO YOUR LITTLE FRIEND, SO YOU'LL HAVE TO WORK TWICE AS HARD TO KEEP UP WITH HIM. AFTER ALL, THE ANGEL SEEMS TO WANT TO HELP SOMEONE, BUT THE DEMON DOES NOT. DO NOT FAIL THIS, CROWLEY. YOU HAVE NO MORE CHANCES Galileo, galileo, Galileo, galileo, Galileo Figaro...
Crowley turned his car around, 180 degrees, in the middle of the road, barely missing three other cars, two pedestrians, and a little old lady on a scooter in the process. He needed to talk this over with Aziraphale.
1If there are no traffic lights in Great Britain, I apologize for my ignorance.
2Oh, yah- I've been meaning to ask someone- for those of you who live in Britain, is a fortnight 14 (two weeks) or 13 (two weeks less a day) days? No-one I've talked to can agree on this point.
3Metaphysical beings are usually referred to as 'he' or 'she' according to what their physical bodies appear as. To refer to one as an it usually means that that metaphysical being has been turned into an inanimate object, such as a table, for punishment of some crime against heaven or hell. the current laughing stock of hell was the recently-become-board-game- Cainin, who had created the CD player as a new way of getting humans upset enough to become that much closer to hell, but failed miserably the CD player was actually a pleasant (comparatively) method of listening to music. Crowley felt sorry for him. He was one of the few bastards who actually had his head in the 21st century, instead of either the 14th century, or their own arses. 4Crowley never knew how lucky he was to have missed the lady. That particular lady was, in fact, a psychopathic killer who was helping the cause of hell to no lengths. If Crowley had hit her, his superiors would have no doubt traded his body for hers, and tortured him until he wished he was mortal, and able to die only once.
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Aziraphale was waiting for him when he arrived, though he had felt that it was not necessary to wait for Crowley to down a bottle a bottle of formerly old fashioned Roman Wine formerly salt water presently angelic digestive fluids. As a result, he was having a little trouble concentrating when Crowley came in through the door.
"No, weess donnna wantss noo cusserys today...... oohhhhhhh, s'you, Croweyyy...d'you wannab ssome wine?" he said vaguely shaking the bottle at him and spilling half of it on the floor.
"Shit, Aziraphale! Come on, sober up, already! We've gotta talk, and we can't when were drunk!" Aziraphale began to make some reply about why did he need to talk when he could drink, instead, And Crowley, seeing that it was pointless to argue, sobered Aziraphale up himself. The Angel was not overly rejoiced at this
"Crowley! I was just starting to enjoy myself! You can keep your powers to yourself, thank you very much!" he looked at the demons face, and sighed. "Oh you're probably right, too. So, you're getting an Asian demon to look after, then?"
Crowley sighed. This was not something he wanted, not right now. He didn't know what to expect from an Asian demon, and they were supposedly not even possessing the same basic purpose, or genetics, or anything as his type of demon. There were rumours that they had even made little cat-like demons, called demi-cats, and both their angels and demons were like that by nature, pure and simple, nothing beurocratic about it at all. This was so far reaching for Aziraphale and Crowley it scared them about as much as an angel and demon can be scared. Crowley looked up, and saw that the angel was waiting for a reply.
"Yup. They didn't give me a name, though, or where to find him- they just said that he would find me."
"Same here. Except I got a name. Some weird name with a 'K' and two or three 'U's'. Well, if they are going to find us, there's no harm in waiting for them in the company of a couple glasses, eh?" Crowley looked at the wine, and agreed. He could use some alcohol in his bloodstream right about now.
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Later that day, what looked like a very pretty young lady but could possibly be a very pretty young man walked into the store. It was locked, but it smiled at the lock and it kindly opened for it. Its name was Kohaku. A small (chibi-sized) flying creature flew in behind her, closely followed by two cats. Its name was Kouryuu, and the two cats were called Hari and Ruri. They were not here to make a simple purchase. They were here for different reasons.
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"Whoo-ee, they're drunk!" said Kouryuu, referring to Crowley and Aziraphale, who were indeed drunk, and also passed out. "Wow, I didn't think any angel had it in them!" the accompanying angel looked at him with worry.
"Do you think we should wake them up?" Kohaku asked. She never seemed to know what to do in situations like these. Hari and Ruri apparently knew what they wanted to do though. Both of them had hopped onto Crowley, and were nibbling on certain parts of him to see what tasted the best. This alone was enough to wake him up. When they began to argue over who should claim this one, loudly, using real words, well then. That certainly woke him up-and sobered him up
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" The scream was enough to wake Aziraphale up, too, who was somewhat less informed of what was happening at this moment.
"What? Crowley, what are you screaming about?" He looked around him and figured out what was going on. "Oh, I see our visitors have arrived. How do you do, miss? I'm Aziraphale." He said, leaning over to the what looked like a young lady.
"Oh, I'm Kohaku, and I'm fine" Kohaku replied. "But I'm not a girl, you see." It said this with a smile. Aziraphale blinked, and felt immediately embarrassed. Though he knew the other being likely got this a lot, he felt morally obliged to apologize.
"I'm sorry, my dear. It's just that I've never met such a -beautiful- young man before." He began, but was quickly interrupted by Kohaku.
"Oh, I'm not a boy, either" was the reply, its speaker smiling again. "I'm an angel." Crowley and Aziraphale looked at each other. This was not as commonplace as it seems. Crowley was in the middle of trying to pry two cat- like creatures from his neck, and they were not pleased about this. However, the comment was of such a stupid type, that they both felt it deserved a 'what-now?' look. Luckily, they were saved from replying by the small flying chibi creature.
"And stupid, and Naïve. And clumsy, too, if you want to know." Said one of the small cat-like creatures, pausing from nosing Crowley's neck long enough to see what was going on. "You'd better watch out, Aziraphale! She'll kill you trying to help you if you don't watch out!" While neither of the European metaphysical beings had an answer to that, they did pick up on the she thing, which the chibi sized creature explained to them.
"We're androgynous - unlike you guys, who just don't have genders - but to avoid confusion, demons are commonly referred to as "he" and angels as "she". Though that doesn't change anything about our likes and dislikes, though. heh heh heh" Crowley and Aziraphale decided not to contemplate what that meant. Instead, they turned to a different question5, which was of concern to Crowley.
"How come demons are small, but angels are full sized? Did you guys lose a bet or something?" By one of those amazing coincidences, Crowley got his answer from the natural world, because, at that moment, the sun set. This caused Kouryuu to become a full sized individual, who was also impossible to tell what gender he was, though the reddish-haired girl hanging off his shoulders was a bit of a clue, and Kohaku became a small chibi-sized creature. At this time the two cats became two rather feminine human-shaped beings, though this did not weaken their desire for sitting on Crowley's shoulders and nibbling on his ears. He ignored this6, and joined Aziraphale in staring at the girl. "Who are you?" he wondered aloud.
"Oh, I'm the author of this story. But this little guy's so cute when he's in full size!" she gushed, squeezing Kouryuu harder as she spoke. However, she was interrupted by another girl, this one with large and frizzy red hair, running in and yelling
"Oh no you don't! He's mine! Mine, I tell you! Get your filthy paws off of him! AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!" the scream was accompanied by the second girl chasing the first out of the room, while the first girl yelled something along the lines of 'Oh ho ho, but this is my story, and I can do what I want with it! Besides, you'll never catch me!' Every being left in the room stared out the door, then at each other. This was strange for all of them.
5After Crowley laughed at Aziraphale for being called female.
6 Though he did have a bit of a side conversation with one of them about this, and it went as follows: Crowley: I thought Asian- demons were androgynous, and referred to as he's! Hari: Yes, but we're not demons. We're demi-cats. Crowley: Why doesn't one of you go sit on Aziraphale? I'm sure he'd appreciate it. Ruri: No! He's an icki angel! We prefer human flesh, but demon is a better than nothing,. And certainly better than angel-flesh! Crowley: You mean you eat.never mind, I don't want to know, not anymore.
Beelzebub and the Metatron sat down for their emergency coffee meeting, and smiled. It was all going according to plan.7
7 Actually, no it wasn't, because they did not have any plan. They had just put together a situation that looked like it would serve their purposes, and sat down to watch. However, if they did have a plan, it would be going according to it.
Please review if you liked it. No flames please. I'm not trying to offend anyone with this though, so please don't get offended (humour me). And thanks to those of you who read this! =)
Crowley slowly went back to his Bentley. Usually, watching motorists get confused and angry as the traffic lights1 played musical lights cheered him up to no end. And it had- for about two minutes. Maybe a drink could sooth this bloody feeling of discontent, or maybe a ride in the Bentley could do it. After all, he reasoned, if he rode in the Bentley, he could take the M25 and drive like crazy to get all of the motorists angry, confused, and a little bit closer to hell. With a renewed feeling of relief, he got in the car, and picked out one of his CD's to listen to. it didn't matter which one. They had all been in the car for more than a fortnight2. The strains of Queen came flooded out of his car's speakers
Thunder bolts and lightning, very very frightening CROWLEY? Crowley blessed under his breath. His day was already miserable, and every time he was contacted by hell, it got worse. CROWLEY, WE HAVE A VERY SPECIAL ASIGNMENT FOR YOU, Freddie Mercury told him. CONSIDER IT OUR LITTLE WAY OF SAYING 'THANK YOU' FOR AVERTING THE APOCOLYPSE. Now Crowley knew he was in trouble. Hell hadn't been all that pleased with his and Aziraphales little crusade to save humanity, but so far nothing had happened to him. He had begun to hope that the Antichrist had sorted it all out for him before deciding to become human. NOT THAT THIS IS YOUR ONLY THANKS, MIND YOU. THERE HAVE SIMPLY BEEN LARGE AMOUNTS OF PAPERWORK THAT NEED TO BE FILLED OUT BEFORE WE CAN THANK YOU PROPERLY, AND WE KEEP ON FINDING MORE. Ah. So he had dealt with it, only he did so in a way that hell would understand. Clever boy, that Adam Young. WE HAVE BEEN MADE RESPONSIBLE FOR AN ASIAN DEMON FOR THE NEXT PERIOD OF TIME. WE HAVE PLACED IT UPON YOUR SHOULDERS TO ENSURE THAT - IT - WILL NOT CAUSE ANY TROUBLE FOR US, BEFORE AND AFTER HIS SUPEERIORS GET A REPORT OF WHAT - IT - HAS BEEN DOING WHILE IN OUR CARE. AFTER YOU HAVE DONE THIS, YOU MAY EVEN GET A CHANCE TO TRAVEL TO - ITS - HOME FOR A WHILE.
"Yeah?" said Crowley. He noticed that whoever it was that was talking was always hesitating before stating that the demon was genderless. He wondered what that was about.3. "So, how do I get in touch with this demon?"
HE WILL FIND YOU. OH AND ONE OTHER THING. THERE IS TO BE AN ASIAN ANGEL SENT TO YOUR LITTLE FRIEND, SO YOU'LL HAVE TO WORK TWICE AS HARD TO KEEP UP WITH HIM. AFTER ALL, THE ANGEL SEEMS TO WANT TO HELP SOMEONE, BUT THE DEMON DOES NOT. DO NOT FAIL THIS, CROWLEY. YOU HAVE NO MORE CHANCES Galileo, galileo, Galileo, galileo, Galileo Figaro...
Crowley turned his car around, 180 degrees, in the middle of the road, barely missing three other cars, two pedestrians, and a little old lady on a scooter in the process. He needed to talk this over with Aziraphale.
1If there are no traffic lights in Great Britain, I apologize for my ignorance.
2Oh, yah- I've been meaning to ask someone- for those of you who live in Britain, is a fortnight 14 (two weeks) or 13 (two weeks less a day) days? No-one I've talked to can agree on this point.
3Metaphysical beings are usually referred to as 'he' or 'she' according to what their physical bodies appear as. To refer to one as an it usually means that that metaphysical being has been turned into an inanimate object, such as a table, for punishment of some crime against heaven or hell. the current laughing stock of hell was the recently-become-board-game- Cainin, who had created the CD player as a new way of getting humans upset enough to become that much closer to hell, but failed miserably the CD player was actually a pleasant (comparatively) method of listening to music. Crowley felt sorry for him. He was one of the few bastards who actually had his head in the 21st century, instead of either the 14th century, or their own arses. 4Crowley never knew how lucky he was to have missed the lady. That particular lady was, in fact, a psychopathic killer who was helping the cause of hell to no lengths. If Crowley had hit her, his superiors would have no doubt traded his body for hers, and tortured him until he wished he was mortal, and able to die only once.
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Aziraphale was waiting for him when he arrived, though he had felt that it was not necessary to wait for Crowley to down a bottle a bottle of formerly old fashioned Roman Wine formerly salt water presently angelic digestive fluids. As a result, he was having a little trouble concentrating when Crowley came in through the door.
"No, weess donnna wantss noo cusserys today...... oohhhhhhh, s'you, Croweyyy...d'you wannab ssome wine?" he said vaguely shaking the bottle at him and spilling half of it on the floor.
"Shit, Aziraphale! Come on, sober up, already! We've gotta talk, and we can't when were drunk!" Aziraphale began to make some reply about why did he need to talk when he could drink, instead, And Crowley, seeing that it was pointless to argue, sobered Aziraphale up himself. The Angel was not overly rejoiced at this
"Crowley! I was just starting to enjoy myself! You can keep your powers to yourself, thank you very much!" he looked at the demons face, and sighed. "Oh you're probably right, too. So, you're getting an Asian demon to look after, then?"
Crowley sighed. This was not something he wanted, not right now. He didn't know what to expect from an Asian demon, and they were supposedly not even possessing the same basic purpose, or genetics, or anything as his type of demon. There were rumours that they had even made little cat-like demons, called demi-cats, and both their angels and demons were like that by nature, pure and simple, nothing beurocratic about it at all. This was so far reaching for Aziraphale and Crowley it scared them about as much as an angel and demon can be scared. Crowley looked up, and saw that the angel was waiting for a reply.
"Yup. They didn't give me a name, though, or where to find him- they just said that he would find me."
"Same here. Except I got a name. Some weird name with a 'K' and two or three 'U's'. Well, if they are going to find us, there's no harm in waiting for them in the company of a couple glasses, eh?" Crowley looked at the wine, and agreed. He could use some alcohol in his bloodstream right about now.
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Later that day, what looked like a very pretty young lady but could possibly be a very pretty young man walked into the store. It was locked, but it smiled at the lock and it kindly opened for it. Its name was Kohaku. A small (chibi-sized) flying creature flew in behind her, closely followed by two cats. Its name was Kouryuu, and the two cats were called Hari and Ruri. They were not here to make a simple purchase. They were here for different reasons.
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"Whoo-ee, they're drunk!" said Kouryuu, referring to Crowley and Aziraphale, who were indeed drunk, and also passed out. "Wow, I didn't think any angel had it in them!" the accompanying angel looked at him with worry.
"Do you think we should wake them up?" Kohaku asked. She never seemed to know what to do in situations like these. Hari and Ruri apparently knew what they wanted to do though. Both of them had hopped onto Crowley, and were nibbling on certain parts of him to see what tasted the best. This alone was enough to wake him up. When they began to argue over who should claim this one, loudly, using real words, well then. That certainly woke him up-and sobered him up
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" The scream was enough to wake Aziraphale up, too, who was somewhat less informed of what was happening at this moment.
"What? Crowley, what are you screaming about?" He looked around him and figured out what was going on. "Oh, I see our visitors have arrived. How do you do, miss? I'm Aziraphale." He said, leaning over to the what looked like a young lady.
"Oh, I'm Kohaku, and I'm fine" Kohaku replied. "But I'm not a girl, you see." It said this with a smile. Aziraphale blinked, and felt immediately embarrassed. Though he knew the other being likely got this a lot, he felt morally obliged to apologize.
"I'm sorry, my dear. It's just that I've never met such a -beautiful- young man before." He began, but was quickly interrupted by Kohaku.
"Oh, I'm not a boy, either" was the reply, its speaker smiling again. "I'm an angel." Crowley and Aziraphale looked at each other. This was not as commonplace as it seems. Crowley was in the middle of trying to pry two cat- like creatures from his neck, and they were not pleased about this. However, the comment was of such a stupid type, that they both felt it deserved a 'what-now?' look. Luckily, they were saved from replying by the small flying chibi creature.
"And stupid, and Naïve. And clumsy, too, if you want to know." Said one of the small cat-like creatures, pausing from nosing Crowley's neck long enough to see what was going on. "You'd better watch out, Aziraphale! She'll kill you trying to help you if you don't watch out!" While neither of the European metaphysical beings had an answer to that, they did pick up on the she thing, which the chibi sized creature explained to them.
"We're androgynous - unlike you guys, who just don't have genders - but to avoid confusion, demons are commonly referred to as "he" and angels as "she". Though that doesn't change anything about our likes and dislikes, though. heh heh heh" Crowley and Aziraphale decided not to contemplate what that meant. Instead, they turned to a different question5, which was of concern to Crowley.
"How come demons are small, but angels are full sized? Did you guys lose a bet or something?" By one of those amazing coincidences, Crowley got his answer from the natural world, because, at that moment, the sun set. This caused Kouryuu to become a full sized individual, who was also impossible to tell what gender he was, though the reddish-haired girl hanging off his shoulders was a bit of a clue, and Kohaku became a small chibi-sized creature. At this time the two cats became two rather feminine human-shaped beings, though this did not weaken their desire for sitting on Crowley's shoulders and nibbling on his ears. He ignored this6, and joined Aziraphale in staring at the girl. "Who are you?" he wondered aloud.
"Oh, I'm the author of this story. But this little guy's so cute when he's in full size!" she gushed, squeezing Kouryuu harder as she spoke. However, she was interrupted by another girl, this one with large and frizzy red hair, running in and yelling
"Oh no you don't! He's mine! Mine, I tell you! Get your filthy paws off of him! AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!" the scream was accompanied by the second girl chasing the first out of the room, while the first girl yelled something along the lines of 'Oh ho ho, but this is my story, and I can do what I want with it! Besides, you'll never catch me!' Every being left in the room stared out the door, then at each other. This was strange for all of them.
5After Crowley laughed at Aziraphale for being called female.
6 Though he did have a bit of a side conversation with one of them about this, and it went as follows: Crowley: I thought Asian- demons were androgynous, and referred to as he's! Hari: Yes, but we're not demons. We're demi-cats. Crowley: Why doesn't one of you go sit on Aziraphale? I'm sure he'd appreciate it. Ruri: No! He's an icki angel! We prefer human flesh, but demon is a better than nothing,. And certainly better than angel-flesh! Crowley: You mean you eat.never mind, I don't want to know, not anymore.
Beelzebub and the Metatron sat down for their emergency coffee meeting, and smiled. It was all going according to plan.7
7 Actually, no it wasn't, because they did not have any plan. They had just put together a situation that looked like it would serve their purposes, and sat down to watch. However, if they did have a plan, it would be going according to it.
Please review if you liked it. No flames please. I'm not trying to offend anyone with this though, so please don't get offended (humour me). And thanks to those of you who read this! =)