Chapter 9
Naturally, I couldn't avoid Cyn forever (but oh, how I wanted to!), and I ran into him the very next day. After he'd had his morning meal he sent his maid to get me. I'd been talking to the laundresses, and when the maid dragged me away, I panicked. I was afraid to have to face him. Now that I knew he had been in love with me, I felt really awkward about having to be with him.
However, when I reached his room, I saw I wasn't the only one who was panicked. Cyn was pacing back and forth in his sitting room, gnawing on his lips, his hands grasped together behind his arms. The bags beneath his eyes told me he hadn't gotten much sleep the previous night. When he saw me, he gave me a weak smile. He sent his maid away and asked me to take a seat.
"Summer, I'm so nervous right now. Because everybody is already here and nearly everything is ready, Annabelle wants to bump the wedding up to next week."
"Isn't that a good thing?"
"I really thought it would be, but now I'm not sure. I don't know if I can go through with this. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing."
I wasn't sure what to do. He was standing there before me, chewing his lower lip and giving me a really hopeful look. I had no idea what to say. What if this was the time for me to tell him to break off the wedding? What if I told him to break off the wedding when I really wasn't supposed to? Now I felt as nervous as he did.
"Are you sure I'm the right person to be talking to about this?" I asked, praying he'd turn to someone else for help.
"What do you mean?"
"Shouldn't you be discussing this with Annabelle? I mean, if you don't feel comfortable about having the wedding so soon, why don't you tell HER that, not me?"
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"She wouldn't understand."
"If the two of you are in love, she ought to understand."
"But what if she doesn't?"
"If she doesn't. I don't know." I gazed up at him just as hopefully as he was looking at me, and I felt terrible. He was so helpless, and I didn't know how to help him.
"Why don't you just try talking to her about it?" I asked, pleadingly. He looked out the window nodded. There was a long silence in which he just stood there, staring outside, and I gazed at the floor, unsure of what to do or say. He startled me when he spoke. His eyes didn't leave the window.
"You know, I think you might have been right to tell her to break off the wedding."
A chill went up my spine and I looked up at him, confused about how to feel. I didn't know what he meant. When I said nothing to him, he continued.
"I'm not even completely sure if she loves me. . . It was really important to me to have the woman I marry love me. I know that probably sounds really foolish, because that kind of thing only happens in those silly stories mothers tell their children. Nobody marries for love these days, especially not royalty."
That statement almost made me go over the edge. He'd wanted to marry me, and hadn't because he thought I didn't love him. I knew that, and I hated it with all my heart. I was trying so hard not to cry. I felt my eyes getting warm, and I turned away from him so he wouldn't see. There was no way I'd be able to speak without having my voice crack. I felt his gaze upon me.
"Summer, please say something."
That probably would have been the perfect time to tell him I still loved him. I could have made everything right at that very moment. Yet something held me back, and I couldn't tell him. I was afraid. I was afraid to risk everything, and in saying the three-word sentence I would be doing just that. I'd be risking my friendship with him, my career as a royal maid, my life (when Annabelle found out and became furious), and everything I had. And so I gathered my strength and cleared my throat. I spoke but couldn't bear to face him.
"Marrying for love doesn't sound foolish to me, if it's really that important to you. You really need to tell Annabelle that, and see if she loves you. Then you make the decision that's best for you."
"In that case, I'll speak to her about it tomorrow. Thank you." I felt the tears behind my eyes starting to take control. There was no way I would let him see me cry. I used the last of my self-control to speak.
"I'm glad I could help. I'm really sorry, but I have to go now. There was something I forgot to finish."
With that I quickly exited the room. I found Will in the library and ran to him, crying. He hugged me and asked me what was wrong.
"I could have married him!" I sobbed into his shoulder.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The next day I spoke to Will again. I asked him if Cyn had talked to Annabelle yet. He nodded unhappily.
"Annabelle refused to listen. She said that the wedding would be next week, on Tuesday, whether he likes it or not. They got into a big fight and now she won't speak to him. He's been up in his room all this morning and he won't do anything. He's becoming a very pitiable human being."
I plopped down into a chair and looked up at him grimly.
"What now?" I asked. Will shrugged, sat down in the chair beside mine, and held my hand.
"No matter what goes on between now and next week, everything will turn out right. Do you understand me, Summer? You're beating yourself up about this when you really shouldn't. Everything's going to be fine, trust me."
I smiled, thanked him, and left.
There wasn't too much to do at the moment, because everything was pretty much all ready for the wedding, and all the guests were busy with activities that the other servants were helping them with. I didn't feel like running away to the garden like I usually did, nor did I want to be alone in my room, so I went to help out with the laundering.
I found them down in the lower part of the castle, scrubbing many articles of clothing in a huge barrel filled with soapy water. This was the place in which most of the gossip in the castle was exchanged, and a great place to find out if anyone was spreading rumors about you. I joined in with the washing, and was greeted by several other maids, who got me into the conversation with everybody else.
"Summer, you've probably already heard about how the wedding is being moved up to next week, haven't you?"
"Yes, I have, thank you," I replied with a smile.
"And how did the groom feel about that?"
"He was willing to let his bride take charge." The woman who had asked the question took the hint that I wouldn't be giving away any good information, so she asked another question.
"Are you going to continue working for the royal couple after the wedding?"
"If I can't find any other work, then yes. And you?"
"I doubt it. I'd like to go see the world. But that's nothing of interest to the women here. We just thought that His Royal Highness would have already asked you if you were interested in staying with he and his bride."
After that, the conversation turned away from me as the others discussed what they'd be doing after the wedding. Mirra, who was standing near me, turned to me and spoke.
"Summer, I want to tell you something. Lately-not at the moment, but in this past week-you've been really depressed. I know why, and I really wish you wouldn't focus on it so much. You're like a sister to me and I hate seeing you like this. Try to be more positive, will you?"
"Mirra, I'm absolutely fine, but if it makes you feel better I'll try to be my old self."
Naturally, I couldn't avoid Cyn forever (but oh, how I wanted to!), and I ran into him the very next day. After he'd had his morning meal he sent his maid to get me. I'd been talking to the laundresses, and when the maid dragged me away, I panicked. I was afraid to have to face him. Now that I knew he had been in love with me, I felt really awkward about having to be with him.
However, when I reached his room, I saw I wasn't the only one who was panicked. Cyn was pacing back and forth in his sitting room, gnawing on his lips, his hands grasped together behind his arms. The bags beneath his eyes told me he hadn't gotten much sleep the previous night. When he saw me, he gave me a weak smile. He sent his maid away and asked me to take a seat.
"Summer, I'm so nervous right now. Because everybody is already here and nearly everything is ready, Annabelle wants to bump the wedding up to next week."
"Isn't that a good thing?"
"I really thought it would be, but now I'm not sure. I don't know if I can go through with this. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing."
I wasn't sure what to do. He was standing there before me, chewing his lower lip and giving me a really hopeful look. I had no idea what to say. What if this was the time for me to tell him to break off the wedding? What if I told him to break off the wedding when I really wasn't supposed to? Now I felt as nervous as he did.
"Are you sure I'm the right person to be talking to about this?" I asked, praying he'd turn to someone else for help.
"What do you mean?"
"Shouldn't you be discussing this with Annabelle? I mean, if you don't feel comfortable about having the wedding so soon, why don't you tell HER that, not me?"
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"She wouldn't understand."
"If the two of you are in love, she ought to understand."
"But what if she doesn't?"
"If she doesn't. I don't know." I gazed up at him just as hopefully as he was looking at me, and I felt terrible. He was so helpless, and I didn't know how to help him.
"Why don't you just try talking to her about it?" I asked, pleadingly. He looked out the window nodded. There was a long silence in which he just stood there, staring outside, and I gazed at the floor, unsure of what to do or say. He startled me when he spoke. His eyes didn't leave the window.
"You know, I think you might have been right to tell her to break off the wedding."
A chill went up my spine and I looked up at him, confused about how to feel. I didn't know what he meant. When I said nothing to him, he continued.
"I'm not even completely sure if she loves me. . . It was really important to me to have the woman I marry love me. I know that probably sounds really foolish, because that kind of thing only happens in those silly stories mothers tell their children. Nobody marries for love these days, especially not royalty."
That statement almost made me go over the edge. He'd wanted to marry me, and hadn't because he thought I didn't love him. I knew that, and I hated it with all my heart. I was trying so hard not to cry. I felt my eyes getting warm, and I turned away from him so he wouldn't see. There was no way I'd be able to speak without having my voice crack. I felt his gaze upon me.
"Summer, please say something."
That probably would have been the perfect time to tell him I still loved him. I could have made everything right at that very moment. Yet something held me back, and I couldn't tell him. I was afraid. I was afraid to risk everything, and in saying the three-word sentence I would be doing just that. I'd be risking my friendship with him, my career as a royal maid, my life (when Annabelle found out and became furious), and everything I had. And so I gathered my strength and cleared my throat. I spoke but couldn't bear to face him.
"Marrying for love doesn't sound foolish to me, if it's really that important to you. You really need to tell Annabelle that, and see if she loves you. Then you make the decision that's best for you."
"In that case, I'll speak to her about it tomorrow. Thank you." I felt the tears behind my eyes starting to take control. There was no way I would let him see me cry. I used the last of my self-control to speak.
"I'm glad I could help. I'm really sorry, but I have to go now. There was something I forgot to finish."
With that I quickly exited the room. I found Will in the library and ran to him, crying. He hugged me and asked me what was wrong.
"I could have married him!" I sobbed into his shoulder.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The next day I spoke to Will again. I asked him if Cyn had talked to Annabelle yet. He nodded unhappily.
"Annabelle refused to listen. She said that the wedding would be next week, on Tuesday, whether he likes it or not. They got into a big fight and now she won't speak to him. He's been up in his room all this morning and he won't do anything. He's becoming a very pitiable human being."
I plopped down into a chair and looked up at him grimly.
"What now?" I asked. Will shrugged, sat down in the chair beside mine, and held my hand.
"No matter what goes on between now and next week, everything will turn out right. Do you understand me, Summer? You're beating yourself up about this when you really shouldn't. Everything's going to be fine, trust me."
I smiled, thanked him, and left.
There wasn't too much to do at the moment, because everything was pretty much all ready for the wedding, and all the guests were busy with activities that the other servants were helping them with. I didn't feel like running away to the garden like I usually did, nor did I want to be alone in my room, so I went to help out with the laundering.
I found them down in the lower part of the castle, scrubbing many articles of clothing in a huge barrel filled with soapy water. This was the place in which most of the gossip in the castle was exchanged, and a great place to find out if anyone was spreading rumors about you. I joined in with the washing, and was greeted by several other maids, who got me into the conversation with everybody else.
"Summer, you've probably already heard about how the wedding is being moved up to next week, haven't you?"
"Yes, I have, thank you," I replied with a smile.
"And how did the groom feel about that?"
"He was willing to let his bride take charge." The woman who had asked the question took the hint that I wouldn't be giving away any good information, so she asked another question.
"Are you going to continue working for the royal couple after the wedding?"
"If I can't find any other work, then yes. And you?"
"I doubt it. I'd like to go see the world. But that's nothing of interest to the women here. We just thought that His Royal Highness would have already asked you if you were interested in staying with he and his bride."
After that, the conversation turned away from me as the others discussed what they'd be doing after the wedding. Mirra, who was standing near me, turned to me and spoke.
"Summer, I want to tell you something. Lately-not at the moment, but in this past week-you've been really depressed. I know why, and I really wish you wouldn't focus on it so much. You're like a sister to me and I hate seeing you like this. Try to be more positive, will you?"
"Mirra, I'm absolutely fine, but if it makes you feel better I'll try to be my old self."