The Weasley Trap

Chapter 7


George had always been a smart boy. In fact, at a pre-Hogwarts prep school, he had even excelled. However, he quickly learned that nobody likes a teacher's pet. He was teased and even gained most of his early beater reflexes from dodging punches in the school yard. Forget the Dark Lord --- children are the cruelest creatures on the earth. Miserable, George soon found another use for his chemistry set, and the prankster was born.


Now, surrounded by people he considered quite stupid (except for Hermione, who although quite smart was dreadfully annoying), George remembered that little boy in the school yard. Truly, to be a genius was to be misunderstood. After five minutes of an attempted conversation on the merits of Plato and Democritus, the scantily clad witches who had been hitting on him flounced off to get their mack on with uber-hottie Seamus Finnigan, who was rumored to be an underwear model. These insipid ignoramuses had liked him better when he had fewer brain cells than George W. Bush.


Sighing, George grabbed the deactivated bludger that hung on the wall and knocked himself unconscious, eager to return to his former, blissful world of Tahitian babes.


***


Darkness. And then a distant light. George felt himself hopelessly and blissfully drawn to it, as though he were under the imperious curse. As he drew closer, a man stepped into the light. He looked like a combination of Arthur Weasley and Albus Dumbledore, his face ornamented with a long, red beard.


Wow! God's a redhead!


What were you expecting, a blonde? Anyway, kid, it's not your time. You have to go back. Fred needs you!


Aww, I was kinda hoping I could stay and look around, you know? I wanted to see Britney Spears!


But Britney isn't dead!


That's what you think.


Maybe we could reach some sort of bargain, George. I never can resist a good bargain. You being back on Earth is imperative to the lives of those close to you as well as to the cosmic balance of the universe!


Okay, I tell you what, G --can I call you G?-- I'll go back to Earth if you just eat this for me.


George fished a spare canary cream out of his pocket, and handed it to God, disappearing down the dark tunnel just as He turned into a yellow canary.


***


Oh my God, George! Are you all right?


At this, he snickered, picturing the Higher Power as a canary, chirping angrily.


I'm all right, he turned to an attractive witch in a miniskirt. How you doin'?


He's back!


***


Ginny sighed as she came down the stairs, watching the boisterous scene in the common room and feeling rather self-conscious. The minidress the twins bought her was nice (and obviously not from a discount shop), but just too...trendy for her taste. Trendy in the way that a fifteen-year-old prostitute with webbed feet named Chloe is trendy...Perhaps trendy' is the wrong euphemism, she mused as she tugged on the dress's high hemline.


She turned to look at herself in the large, gothic-style mirror at the top of the staircase. She looked, well, skinny. She was used to ill-fitting unisex hand-me-downs that hid her body. She sighed again, wishing there was something to fill out the chest area of the dress.


She wondered what had prompted the twins to buy her such a frock. Normally she wouldn't trust a spontaneous gift from Forge, but it had seemed harmless enough. Perhaps they thought her usual wardrobe unsuitable for their party?


Desperately hoping that she didn't look too stupid, Ginny descended the staircase. As she entered the common room, several heads turned to see the skinny redhead in the shocking pink minidress. The most noticeable head belonged to none other than the dashing young Harry Potter. Well, he wasn't really that dashing, but it was excused because, well, he was Harry Potter.


***

My apologies for the brevity of this chapter --- I just realized that I have to finish four summer reading books as well as start work on my college applications in time to start school on 8/26...grr... *strangles self with mouse cord* Oh yeah, comments on this chapter - there's a lot of self-insertion in Ginny and George. I made Ginny tall and skinny because, well, I'm tall and skinny and have a Ronnish, year-older brother. I know Mrs. Weasley is *matronly*, but lots of people are bean poles and then grow into matronly-ness after child-birth. So there.