A/N: Sorry to be so quiet in my a/ns recently, but I've been too busy reveling in the messes and messes of reviews I have gotten so far. I printed them all out and cut them apart like little cards, ceremonially burned all the flames (three) in the charcoal grill, and played with the good ones all afternoon. Then my boyfriend arrived and asked what the hell all the little scraps of paper were doing arranged on the carpet like a huge game of solitaire and I told him why: I am silly. Also smut-laden. But I am appreciated, so that is very nice. He read most of them and I wound up showing him the ff.net website, and he was not amused by some of the things I had happen. I keep telling him that art doesn't always imitate life, but he still thought Julie sounded too much like me. Dear protective Slytherin that he is, I fear that now she may have to pick one of them. Or maybe not. Maybe I'll just keep the Day Tripper thing going to mess with him!

Damn it, art does imitate life sometimes.

Here you go.

Chapter Twenty-Seven: That Skeeter Cow

'It appears that Albus Dumbledore's chosen successor at Hogwarts is making as many mistakes as he did. Not only did Minerva McGonagall approve the entry of a fifteen-year-old witch with no previous training, she unwittingly brought the chosen heir of You-Know-Who into the students' midst. The heir is, of course, the already-controversial scion of Professors Severus Snape, former Death Eater and later spy for Dumbledore, and Hermione Granger, Muggle-born student prodigy and victim of kidnapping by the Dark Lord's servants sixteen years ago.
It has been reliably proven that September's new student, an apparent orphan and Muggle-born, is indeed the bastard child of the Snapes, who chose to officialize their relationship when the child was about three years old. Julia Starcatcher Snape, as the girl is now known, was born in January at about the time of the Dark Lord's demise, and her mother, then eighteen, claims to have absolutely no memory of her daughter's arrival. This has not, of course, been validated, but when one is dealing with committing one's daughter to the same Muggle orphanage that produced Lord Voldemort, excuses are easily accepted. As controversial as the Snapes themselves have proven, it seems onlt logical that they would hide the only real reason for their relationship.
Out of that fractured childhood spent in the cruelest institution of the Muggle world, comes Julia Starcatcher, the legal name given to the baby the Muggles found as a scarred newborn. The Hogwarts Sorting Hat was undecided for the first time in recorded history between Slytherin and Gryffindor, and it is reported that after her unknowing father and mother interrogated her to decide her House, it was determined by Snape that she would be most safely placed as a Gryffindor. Considering it was that very night Julia's identity was determined by use of a Memory Test, the startled daddy probably regrets recommending that placement. Taught to fly by her father and Quidditch legend Harry Potter himself, young Julie shows promise as the Gryffindors' Seeker, defeating Slytherin House in her very first game played. The shared team and position seems to have caused a close relationship with Professor Potter, who regards her as an honorary niece because of his long friendship with Mrs. Granger-Snape. 'Starcatcher,' Julia's former last and now middle name seems very appropriate for a good Seeker, even when one considers it was bestowed by Muggles as a cruel pun on the scar that will disfigure her left hand horribly forevermore.
The infamy of her confirmed infant-given curse scar rivals that of her honorary uncle. An asterisk-type star from a curse failure, the palm of young Julia recently burned red and caused her to remain unconscious for a full week in St. Mungo's, much the way Potter's scar reacted to the anger or magic use of You-Know-Who. Even earlier than that, however, on the very day Starcatcher earned the coveted Seeker's Medal for her record-setting defeat of Slytherin, she displayed signs of immunity to curse magic, including the forbidden Cruciatus. We can only speculate whether the scar is really the result of an attempt to reincarnate or ressurrect the Dark Lord, leaving Julia with profound powers and a dark streak in her personality. It has been confided to us the press by one Lyfften Grudgett, 17, the Chaser for Slytherin, that the engaging and popular Gryffindor Seeker openly threatened a first-year after her first match vs. Slytherin. She was, of course, never disciplined, being the child of two professors. Professor Snape has nevertheless given her a record twenty-four detentions in the space of her three months at Hogwarts, no doubt to spend time with the daughter he barely knows.
Matius Flint, the Seeker for Slytherin, 17, describes Julia as "really beautiful," yet asserts "and you just can't stop looking at her…"no doubt meaning that the forboding Snape features and raven hair combined with the untidy charm of the girl's mother are perceived by the student body as the unnatural and evil look of the prospective successor to You-Know-Who. Last month's catastrophe with the temporary restoration by sorcery of the Dark Lord to earth in Hogwarts' Forbidden Forest has not yet been explained by the Auror assigned to it, logical as he is Starcatcher's other honorary uncle, Mr. Ronald Weasley. The impoverished redhead is probably covering for his wealthy friend's daughter, who was found at the scene in considerable, but easily fakeable distress. Perhaps she learned the sorcery in she and You-Know-Who's mutual childhood home and raised the spirit of the Dark Lord for information regarding an agenda to establishing her own army of followers. It is certain, however, that her ambitious mother and untrustworthy father will protect their long-concealed bastard from the Ministry, should the aging and incompetent Dumbledore decide to do anything after all.
But with such a situation as we have now, what can we expect but the advent of a new Dark Era?
Reported by Rita Skeeter, column editor, and Maggie Skeeter, intern reporting staff.'

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Rita Skeeter was sipping tea with her niece in her cubicle, comparing photographs for tomorrow's follow-up. Their Slytherin sources had gotten pictures of Starcatcher both before and after the accident with the window and the addition of the white streak.

"Think, Maggie, what kind of a Coloring Charm could we use to make her eye glow red like the Dark Lord's did? That would definitely sell better than the brown like her mother has."

"I think a Chromos Charm to do the red, and then for the glow you could-"

BANG!

Shards from the burst door of the office flew everywhere. The Skeeters stood up and looked over the cubicle divider wall, hoping to see a vengeful Starcatcher wreaking havoc with eye dark red. Maggie caught hold of her camera.

Instead, they were both unpleasantly surprised by Draco Malfoy, an old acquaintance of Rita's and a Hogwarts professor now. It was really something of a letdown.

"Dear Mr. Malfoy, you only had to knock to get our attention!" Rita trilled, filling the deserted office with the sound of her sour voice. "Have you met my niece Maggie?"

"I don't care to."

"Oh, but don't be silly! You must be angry about how we made your professor-"

"I'm ready to burst you like I did that door, Rita! What business have you slandering innocents?"

"Innocent? That innocent little niece of yours is more dangerous than-"

"Believe me, her friends are what's making her dangerous! Julie's only a danger to you now I've gotten here!" Draco cast a speedy wind spell, scattering everything paper or parchment abysmally. It would take weeks to fix. "You are fired, Miss Skeeter, and your little clone, too!"

"How can you possibly fire me, Malfoy?"

"You said it! I'm primary stockholder after my father's death. I want you out in five minutes or I'll be forced to have you removed!"

Just then, another Draco Malfoy entered behind him.

"Wh-what is this?" Maggie sputtered, shocked by the appearance of Draco's absolute double in a long purple trenchcoat.

"I've just fired you," the first one said. "Now get out!"

The second had a surprised little half-grin growing on his face, and the first looked shocked by what had to be his future self's cleverness. The Skeeters grabbed as much paper and film as they could before Disapparating in the panic of their lives.

Second Draco suddenly burst into gales of laughter, a bit too femininely to be a real Malfoy. First Draco came over and hugged the second one, grinning as he watched his other self shrink eight inches and turn into Julie Snape.

"I can't believe you just did what I was going to!" she exclaimed, kissing Draco fervently in the middle of the wrecked newsroom.

"Gah!" a startled voice cried, shocked to the core of his very being.

Harry had finally caught up with Julie –and just in time!

**********************************

"I could kill her! I could cook her! I could serve her to the giant squid for a snack with her scrawny niece as a breath mint for afterward! I could buy Hagrid a dragon and feed that filthy woman to it alive!"

"I thought you had more respect for dragons, dear."

"Damn it, Severus, I'm having a tantrum now! Don't interrupt unless you've got a good idea yourself!"

"A cheese grater?" he suggested cheerfully.

"Oooh, I like that! It's slow and dull and…oooh!" Hermione's violent tendencies were getting a little bit out of hand, even for an outraged maternal witch. "The house-elves could be persuaded to work on that."

"Dear, are you feeling alright?" Severus felt her forehead and looked at her manic expression disapprovingly. "You've been like this since you read that article, I mean, angry is angry, but it's not like you." Never mind that it was not like him to look so concerned so quickly either.

"That intolerable Skeeter cow's just gone after my daughter- oh, I feel sick."

Sev had barely time to catch her just as she went down. Almost effortlessly he lifted her to take to Madam Pomfrey's office, positively terrified but not letting it rattle him. He was certain the students would be frightened by the spectacle, but there wasn't time to cast a door and walk through the shortcut way. Sure enough, kids went pale and hurried to open doors, too afraid of him to ask what was wrong with her, but concerned for their beloved Potions professor. Halfway past the portrait of Sir Cadogan, the mad knight began to yell insanely.

"Release thy captive, you scurvy cur! You lecherous knave, halt!"

Snape turned and shot the painted figure a glare that could have sent a seventh-year into a crying fit. Cadogan realized his error and began to apologize loudly and profusely, waking the unconscious woman in his arms.

"Wha- where am I?"

"You passed out, dear, we're on the way to the hospital wing. Just try to rest, alright, you'll be okay."

Needless to say, Madam Pomfrey looked as surprised as the students did. She began to check all of the usual vital signs, until about five minutes later she straightened and sent Severus from the room.

He was petrified, never having been sent away except when it was something absolutely terrible. He stood outside the door and tried to eavesdrop for a while, then resorted to pacing and mumbling rather incoherently.

"Something wrong?" a concerned voice asked to the right of him. It was a familiar, slightly graying-haired wizard in robes that looked like his only pair since he was in school, mended and worn to the point of humor. Lupin.

Severus had never especially cared for the man, but his nerves were too snarled up to think of that. He spilled out the whole story as if Remus were his old Slytherin Head of House or Dumbledore, too terrified at the prospect of both his wife and daughter in trouble in the same day.

Lupin had a clever look on his face, but he spoke as if Severus's concerns might really be valid. It was evident he suspected something more positive.

"I wouldn't be too worried about Hermione, and if Harry and Draco went after Julie they should catch her before she does anything irrational. You never know, she might just be taking the news of Ron's engagement to her friends at the orphanage. I wouldn't worry."

"How do you know about all of this?"

"Ron and Harry both summoned me with owls shortly after yours about the Gryffindor who's been bitten. They sent news."

"Bright of them." Severus said this as if common sense was not something he expected from his wife's two friends often. "Have you met McPhersen yet?"

"No, but I've heard good things about his character from your wife. I wager you want him quartered and fed to the hippogriffs." Lupin smiled. "I've also heard a great deal about your daughter and what she's been at."

"I trust the boy, actually, Remus- well, not really, but if they're chaperoned I don't think they could do each other harm. This wolf thing, though, his first thought was what Julie was going to think. If he thinks he's fallen in love with her…" Severus made a wizarding gesture that in Muggle terms amounted to a finger being drawn across the throat. "And don't you berate me with that overprotective tripe, I know what can happen with Gryffindors!"

"Well, you certainly have a pretty good Seeker as evidence."

Snape went red at Lupin's jest, but smiled at the compliment to his daughter. The werewolf put a hand on his shoulder reassuringly.

"Don't worry, Severus, it will all be fine."

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A/N: How's that, Niamh? And I told you the worst person imaginable would catch them. So let's just hope Julie can ad-lib her way out of it or Donaghan will be chosen by default! (Wizards' duel for him with the Boy Who Lived? Can't kill everybody off, now, that's cheating.)

-J.McN.