A/N: I'm not sure precisely why I suddenly want to begin each chapter with a quote, but I suddenly do, so this I am doing henceforward. Here you go.
Chapter Forty-Six: And Steel
'I had rather be a canker in a hedge than a rose in his grace, and it better fits my blood to be disdain'd of all than to fashion a carriage to rob love from any. In this, it must not be denied but I am a plain-dealing villain.'
-William Shakespeare, 'Much Ado About Nothing.'
"You might as well just say it, Starcatcher."
"Say what?"
Julie and Jen had been walking in rather unkind silence to Madam Pomfrey's when Jen lost her temper. For her own part, Julie had been ominously quiet in the manner of one who would like to ask something rather unpleasant but prefers to just force the subject into admitting everything. It was one of the tricks Jen found most disagreeable in her Head of House, and there was no way in hell she'd let this upstart Gryffindor get away with it.
"What do you want to call me, Starcatcher? Incestuous? Stupid? A slut, perhaps?"
"I wasn't going to call you anything."
"Oh, bollocks! You've been giving me weird looks since the drinking game."
"Well, one must admit, the bruises do make you look a little strange."
"Damn you and your dad to hell, Julie Snape!"
Julie actually managed to smile at that. Jen looked as if she might smack her.
"If it makes you feel any better, I don't like him in class, either."
"Arrgh!"
Jen began to walk faster, as if to ditch Julie by outdistancing the Gryffindor. The Seeker, however, kept right up, even breaking into a run when Blodgett did. "Will you go away?"
"Nope. I don't want my dad to get mad at me."
The Slytherin stopped cold and looked at her exaggeratedly cheerful tormentor.
"What the hell do you want, following me?"
Julie gave Jen her best psychotic juvie-bait grin.
"I want you to hit me as hard as you can."
For some dead perverse reason, Jen cracked up at that.
"What?"
"I said I want you to hit me as hard-"
"No, I heard you, it's just…"
Julie watched in surprise as the battered Slytherin succumbed to the hardest fit of laughter she'd ever seen.
"I'm assuming you once took Muggle Studies, then."
"Oh, yeah." Jen was wiping tears from her good eye. "I just pictured…you so don't want to know."
"Come on! Was it funny?"
"Well, you saw 'Fight Club', right?"
"Yeah."
Jen started walking again, but not before shaking a lock of Julie's hair in her face.
"Black hair and skinny. You fill in the blanks."
Now it was Julie's turn to be ticked.
"Hey!"
"You're the one quoting Brad Pitt movies."
"And you're such a great one to talk, Blodgett! Your hair's as dark as mine and you- well, you-"
Jen stopped and gave Julie a nasty grin.
"Yeah, I get beat up and I'm skinny, too. Why don't you just up and ask me how close it is?"
Julie swallowed hard and her eyes widened. "Bingo. 'Ent y' glad your dad put y' in Gryffindor?"
"I had no idea how glad until now, Jen. You aren't goin' back."
"Do you honestly think I can switch Houses? I'll be back in the Serpent's Den inside o' two hours."
"Not if I let my dad know what's going on."
The taller girl turned on the Gryffindor.
"You've been waiting your whole goddamn life to say somethin' like that, right?"
"Well, sort of. A long time of it I didn't think I 'ad a father."
"Great news, Griffie. You do an' he's my Head of House. Still, I don't think he'd want to find out just who you've been seeing from Slytherin."
Julie went paler.
"You wouldn't dare."
"I can and I would. S'it a stalemate, then?"
"What makes you think my dad'd trust you over me?"
"Somethin' you might not've considered, Julie, he's known me four years longer than 'e's known you. Your mum might take your side, but not old Snape."
"You are -not nice, d'you know that?"
"S'a matter, Griffie? Can't say 'a bitch'?"
"I don't think you need to be called that any more than your cousin has."
"Hey! How do you know what Lyff calls me?"
"Er, my family's kind of known for the logic thing."
"Look, you leave my affairs out of this!"
"Funny you throw the word 'affair' around like that-"
"Speak for yourself, your banging Flint's quite as bad as me n' Lyff."
"Flint?! I am not banging Flint, Blodgett!"
"Really? Guess I guessed wrong. He must just carry a torch for you."
"Yuck!"
"Look, a lot of girls think he's really cute."
"A lot of girls thought Guy Fawkes was dishy too!"
"Who?"
"Oh, nevermind! Matius Flint's the most disgusting human I have ever laid eyes on."
"Wow, even against Voldemort?"
"Probably."
Approximately three seconds passed and both girls collapsed into giggles again. Fortunately, they were right at Madam Pomfrey's door.
"And what seems to be the problem, today, Julie? Oh, my heavens, best get those fixed. You must be Jeremy Blodgett's twin, haven't seen you since your second year. Tell me, how did you get these bruises?"
"Er…" Jen faltered. Julie gave her a look and she cracked up again.
"I'm sorry, Madam Pomfrey, she's been like this all day."
"Jennifer, have you been drinking?"
"No, ma'am, Julie's just-" Starcatcher made a face and Jen succumbed back to hapless giggling. When Madam Pomfrey turned, however, Julie looked genuinely concerned for the Slytherin. "Honestly, she keeps making faces at me-"
"I expect she's probably been at the cannabis," Julie said demurely.
"The what?" Madma Pomfrey inquired in horror.
That was too much. Both pale, dark-haired girls were absolutely insensible for close to four minutes. "Really, if it isn't Tom and Tim Weasley coming up here with boils all over God-knows-what, it's lookalikes stoned as Jim Morrison."
"Madam Pomfrey! You know who Jim Morrison is?" Julie asked in surprise.
"Your mother doesn't hold the patent on Muggle music, you know, Julie. A lot of us Ravenclaws were very fond of the Doors back in '69. Really, there you two go again. How long ago were these bruises made, Jennifer?"
"I'd say about a day and a half or so."
"Honestly, you Slytherins and your hide-it-all attitude. If you don't bring me the injury when it's done, I've got no choice but to patch these all internally. Hold still."
The mediwitch began rapidly wanding at Jen's bruises, but to Julie's shock, the treatment only darkened them. "Now there's use trying to cover these, you have to let them finish out and fade away properly. My word, those aren't knuckle marks-?"
"Er, thanks, Madam Pomfrey," Jen interjected, getting up to leave. Her face now resembled the after-effects of Julie's fight with Matius Flint. "Really, they don't hurt a bit, now. Thanks."
"Just a minute, young lady!" Madam Pomfrey cried. "Either you tell me what happened or I call your Head of House."
"He already knows, ma'am, sent me to take Jen here." Julie had ceased to giggle completely.
"Ah. So you did this?"
"No, ma'am, Julie had nothing to do with this." Jen had drawn herself up to her full height of maybe three inches taller than Julie. "I and my boyfriend had a bit of an argument. I assure you you will not be seeing me again for the same reason."
"How many times has this happened, Jen?" Madam Pomfrey asked, her normally cheerful face drawn in shock. Something in her tone made Jen reply:
"Er, rather a lot more than I'd like, actually."
"Dad's taking care of it," Julie added.
"He's the best person to take charge of such matters," the mediwitch said numbly. "I must advise you to part company with an abusive suitor, Jennifer."
There was a profound silence in which Jen saw her reflection in the mirror.
"I will, ma'am."
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"Sorry I'm late," Severus announced, taking his seat at the faculty meeting. "I had a bit of a discipline problem in Slytherin."
"Which was it, hazing or pranks on the Gryffindors?" Judy asked jokingly.
"An abusive relationship, actually," Professor Snape said in the direst tone imaginable. "Minerva, would you call that grounds for expulsion?"
"I'd have to notify the school governors. Which-"
"Grudgett's been beating his girlfriend since her third year. How I didn't notice it…I don't know."
Severus was clutching the armrest of his chair so hard his knuckles were white. Hermione touched his arm, and he took her hand. Professors Longbottom and Potter looked outraged.
"Who's the girl?" Harry asked, his tone as severe as Snape's.
"Jennifer Blodgett," Severus explained shortly. "About that, Hermione, I've sent her to stay with the Gryffindors. Is that-"
"Of course."
"So, what were you discussing before I got here?"
"Oh, nothing so explosive, just a shift in faculty. Professor Thomas is taking Potions over for Hermione," Severus smiled at Dean, "and Judy Parkington will be the temporary Muggle Studies teacher for him."
"What an excellent choice, if slightly typecasting. Do you plan to teach any Shakespeare, Judy?"
"Do you plan to intimidate whole classes? Is the sky up?"
"Ah, good. Sonnets or plays?"
"Some of each. I've also outlined an entire unit on Simon & Garfunkel."
"What fun," Snape said sarcastically. "It's a pity Julia and Michelle aren't in your class."
"I've been wondering about that. Why aren't they?"
"Because, Judy, somebody insisted that their daughter challenge herself," Hermione said with a friendly grin. "You wouldn't want her in there to debate with you, anyway."
"I can remember the first fight I had with Julie in class…"
"So can we," Severus and Hermione said in unison.
"Oh, right. I keep forgetting."
"So, when do you want me to go on leave?" Professor Granger asked.
"Whenever you get bored with it, 'Mione," Dean Thomas said with a tolerant smile. "My class is in the middle of their Muggle Food unit, I'd like a chance to get the room cleaned up before Judy takes over."
"What were they studying?" the Muggle teacher inquired.
"Crisps and dip were what they liked best. Franks went over pretty well, also. The reports on different kinds of soda made me laugh, though."
"Can I take them on a field trip in mid-April?"
"I don't see why not. Depends where to, Judy." Professor McGonagall had decided she liked Ron's fiancee a lot.
"There's a fairly good art house on the corner of Dennon and Lockwood Street, and every year on Baz Luhrmann's birthday they have a film marathon-"
"If you bring back the fourth-years bursting into song," Professor Snape threatened.
"Well, there's also the Royal Shakespeare Company's production of 'The Importance of Being Earnest' by Oscar Wilde."
"I don't suppose you want a chaperone?"
The change in Severus's attitude made all of the teachers laugh. "Hey, he's one of the most gifted playwrights of the nineteenth century."
"But coming from you, dear, it's quite funny," Hermione pointed out. "It's rather like Dumbledore saying he likes Chuck Palahniuk."
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Even at the Drama Club, most students got homework:
"We will be studying the sonnet in performance shape, so I want each of you to compose one anonymously about a person you care about. We will then choose them at random and read them at our next meeting. With regard to the Bard's greatest comedy, I was impressed sufficiently with our last production. It is time to move on to another form; the musical. So, are there any suggestions for our next play?" Judy asked.
The Three Witches and Jen Blodgett grinned broadly, having waited for this since lunchtime. Tom and Tim Weasley and Donaghan were also in on it. Mitchie raised her hand. "Yes, Michelle?"
"I suggest 'The Rocky Horror Show.'"
"Er…I don't think we really have the cast for that…"
"Oh, don't be ridiculous!" Julie chimed, pointing around to various actors. "He could be Riffraff, she could be Magenta, I think I could learn to tap-dance, and-"
"I think I had something a little more classical in mind, Julie. Chloe, you have a suggestion?"
"Yes, ma'am. I think we should do 'Sweeney Todd.'"
"No, I don't think…yes, Jennifer?"
"How about 'Best Little Whorehouse In Texas'?"
"No." Judy was starting to look more hounded. "Donaghan?"
"'Ow 'bout 'Rent'?"
"Well, that's a bit better."
"Yeah. Not so many transvestites in that," Mitchie joked. "'Miss Saigon'?"
"Decidedly not."
"'La Cage Aux Folles'?" Chloe asked hopefully. "Professor Malfoy would be positively splendid as-"
"What about 'Tommy'?" Julie asked, meanwhile giving Chloe the look from hell. "We could buy a pinball machine for the Muggle Studies room."
"Are you all on a crusade to do the most sordid musicals in history?"
"'Sweet Charity'?" Tom and Tim offered in unison.
"'Cabaret'?" suggested Jennifer.
"What about 'Pippin'?"
"Look, we are doing nothing directed by Bob Fosse!"
"How about 'Assassins' by Sondheim then?"
Judy looked like she might have cast an Unforgivable Curse on the lot of them -had she not been a Muggle. This was, of course, part of the Griffies' plan. A few more outrageously inappropriate pieces were offered, just to get Miss Parkington to the point where she would agree to anything just to make it stop. Finally, Donaghan suggested the one they really wanted:
"Would 'A Little Night Music' be too hard to do?"
"No! That's perfect! We're doing that!"
Everyone who had been in on the plot burst into applause and cheers, as did many of the faculty members. Auditions were set for the next meeting, Mitchie and Julie brought scripts and scores almost out of nowhere, as they had had it all planned, and everyone from Chloe to Tim announced her intentions for roles.
It was only fifteen minutes later that Judy remembered just what Sondheim's masterpiece was about.
Well, it was still a damn sight better than 'Sweeney Todd', she decided with a sigh, as she gathered up her things to go back to Gryffindor Tower. It was then that she ran into Professor Snape.
"I assume you heard about what we're doing next?"
"Cast either of my daughters as Petra," he said sternly, "and you will have more to worry about than sordid subject matter in your plays."
"But Severus," Judy said jokingly, "Julie's been after that part since she was ten."
"I know," he said with a dire look.
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Dinner was a fairly marvelous affair at the Gryffindor table. Scripts were everywhere, and food had been wolfed down in the first ten minutes. Donaghan and Chloe were reading the scene between Fredrika and Henrik, with Mitchie rehearsing to audition for Anne Egerman. Julie and Jen worked with the Yank on the end of Act One, reading, of course, Petra and Charlotte respectively. Tom and Tim both rather wanted to be Carl-Magnus, even though they didn't expect to be cast for it, and Hannah had already learned all of Grandmother Armfeldt's most acidic lines.
The improptu rehearsal went beautifully for quite awhile, until Jem Blodgett wandered over to talk to Jen.
"May I have a word with you, dear sister?" Jem inquired.
"No. That's a word. Now be on your way."
"I don't think you want to eat with the Gryffindors from now on, not unless you want every Slytherin in the place to know what you really are."
"A half-Squib's twin sister? I think they know by now."
"A traitor to your kind, eating with Mudbloods and dogs." Jem slapped Mitchie's shoulder as one might a Saint Bernard and Donaghan stood, pulling out his wand.
"I've got it, Scottie," Julie said in a leaden voice, rising. "Listen, Blodgett. Jen's not going to get hit any more. Not by Grudgett, and not by you. Give it up. If you can't make it through Defense Against the Dark Arts without your sib, I suggest trying to apologize."
"I'm not apologizing to that turncoat."
"Then get yourself back to the snakes before we send you," Mitchie said, standing with her wand drawn.
"Threats, Tyler? Down, girl," Lyff Grudgett said. Despite barely being able to look Jen in the face, he had advanced. "Which one of these made you rat out to Snape, Jenny?"
"Noone made me, Lyff. I think you know what happened."
It was obvious that Jen was beginning to buckle and every one of Julie and Mitchie's friends rose to back her up, Mack the Chaser included.
"Get out of here, Grudgett," he said quietly.
"Oh, so you know about her tricks as well? I wondered just how far she had taken you. What did you think of that thing she does with her teeth?"
"Get out," Mack repeated, actually advancing on Grudgett.
"That's alright, Mack," Jen said, rising to face her tormentor. "What's the matter, Lyff? Don't like to look at your handiwork? Professor Snape's got your number, now, and unless I sorely miss my guess, you won't be dating anyone until you graduate, if then. Traitor or not, I am done with you."
"You little whore-"
There was a sound like pancakes frying and then Lyff fell with a groan. Professors Snape and Malfoy finally appeared beside the Gryffindors.
"Which one of- oh, I see."
Everyone had their wand drawn and the smoke had fanned so that determining who had cast what was impossible. Chloe, however, raised her hand, smiling, before Mitchie nudged her.
"Miss Delacour-Davies?" Malfoy asked.
"I tried that new charm you taught us in class today, sir," she said with her best 'aren't-I-cute' smile.
"Nicely done, Chloe. Two points to Gryffindor."
"Twenty points off for the lot of you, no curses in the Great Hall," Snape added, giving Malfoy a look of wry amusement. "MacAndrew, fifteen for chivalry, and ten apiece to each of you who stood up for Ms. Blodgett. I am in the process of transferring her permanently to your House."
This news brought on applause as Jem slunk away. Jennifer watched her twin depart with an indefinable expression of loss mixed with relief. "I suggest everyone who has finished dinner return to their Common Room."
There was a decidedly cheery look on the Gryffindors' faces as they entered the Common Room. By then, of course, they had all been comparing which curses each had done on Lyfften, and Jen had returned from her silent reverie. Tom and Tim beat a hasty trail back from the kitchens with 'party food' gotten from the house-elves, and Mitchie brought forth a three-liter of thorn soda.
"And now, a' senior prefect o' Gryffindor," Donaghan announced, "it's m' proud duty t' welcome Jennifer Blodgett inter' the Lions' Den."
"Initiation time!" Tom suggested.
"Oh, gads, cousin, not in such a state!" Julie protested.
"Bring it on, Griffies," Jen challenged boldly.
Mitchie shook her head in disgust, knowing what was coming.
"Jennifer Blodgett, thine sacred initation rite into the House of Gryffindor shall be…" Tim paused for dramatic effect. "The Revelation Rite!"
"Honestly, have you got any other ones?" Mitchie inquired.
"I'm assuming they did this to you as well?" Jen asked her.
"We do it to everyone who comes in after their first year. Julie and Mitchie were the only ones so far this term."
"Thy rite is to divulge a funny anecdote dating from thy childhood, preferably one in which thou wert not the hero."
"Don't feel bad, Jen, I had to tell them about my first time on a broom," Mitchie said. "I fell off and broke my ankle in three places. It was hilarious."
"And I had to tell them about getting caught after-hours in the library. I was on detention for two weeks, hated every minute of it."
"What book was so interesting you couldn't leave?" Jen asked. Julie blushed furiously and whispered in her ear. "Oh."
"I didn't tell them that bit, though."
"Alright. I suppose the funniest anecdote from my youth…ah, yes. I was seven years old and my father had left his wand lying about. So I decided to attempt my first spell."
"What happened?" Chloe asked, grinning with suspense.
"Well, there happened to be lying near the wand a fairly hefty tome, 'Beginner's Guide to Divination,' by Sibyll Trelawney, if my memory serves."
"Ay, Jen, that doth be a hefty tome indeed. Continue."
"Well, knowing I with the wisdom of innocents that Father only used that particular book as his favorite doorstop, it seemèd me a noble goal to make it fly." Jen stood and began to act out the tale with her wand out. "The wand was aimed, the spell uttered, and damned if I didn't 'wingardium leviosa' out my front teeth!"
The Gryffindors burst into peals of laughter. "Of course, I was elated to lose mine before Jem did, but still, Daddy was awfully pissed when the owl came from the Ministry."
"A noble tale and brilliant told!" Tim announced. "Let the bottle be op'd above the new Lion's head and all drink to our new Gryffindor!"
The thorn soda was brought, shaken well, and opened with suitable results by Chloe and Donaghan. Foam and froth issued forth, inundating Jennifer well and making her smell a bit like vanilla beans. When the Head of House looked in from the portrait hole to get the Three Witches for 'rehearsal,' she was pleased to see how nicely her students had accepted the bruised Blodgett as one of them. There was something in the chivalrous nature of Griffie boys that made her just a bit gladder Julie had not gone to Slytherin.
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"Let me guess, Lyff, it was her again?"
Flint was sitting in the fireplace-facing armchair that had been Malfoy's, listening like a king as his subjects slunk in one by one to the Slytherin Common Room. At present, he was alone with Lyff Grudgett. "Honestly, that little Mudblood's brought all of the Slytherin men to their knees."
"Not that you'd call Alexei a man," Lyff agreed. "Even Snape's getting all cuddly with the Gryffindors. He's honestly talked of expelling me."
"As is his right. You made the first mistake in this case. What you did to Jen was unliveable."
"I can't believe you're-"
"Silence, Lyff. If you had treated that girl like a gentleman, she wouldn't have had bruises for Snape to find. I have eyes everywhere. She didn't rat you out, the Yank accidentally dispelled her cover illusion."
"I suspected that."
"And now the entire school's going to look at your handiwork and know just what they think goes on in the Serpent's Den. You've blown quite a lot in the past few days."
"Oh, like you haven't, beating up Starcatcher!"
"That, as you well know, is different. Appearing in her Quidditch robes caused her to be considered the team Seeker, nothing more. Commanding our Keeper not to foul in proper manner caused Slytherin House to take offense from her. Were she not as she is, a beautiful female, I would have done the same, maybe worse."
"She's not that pretty, you know, Matius."
"Your taste in women was always questionable. Unlike you, I don't like to keep it in the family."
"Come off it! She's nothing but a rake-ribbed Cockney Muggle with a wand and scar!"
"She is the bravest and most powerful witch since Narcissa Malfoy! Can't you see that? She's got curse magic immunity and a scar from You-Know-Who's servant himself."
"Her father's Snape," Grudgett pointed out.
"And Snape's powerful. With such a witch on my arm I could rule Britain. Albus Dumbledore can't do it forever, you know."
"He's got that Muggle-loving inventor next in line, you know that."
"If Starcatcher had been put in Slytherin, she would be mine. You saw how quickly McPhersen had her at his side. Powerful females, especially from important families, always wind up with their senior prefects."
"Are you forgetting she's half Muggle-born?"
"So are you and so was Potter. That makes no difference. Professor Granger was powerful enough for You-Know-Who to want her kidnapped at age seventeen. There's a lot to be had by getting Starcatcher."
"Even if her daddy put her in Slytherin tomorrow, you'd never get her. She hates your guts."
"'If not by honest means,' remember? This is Slytherin."
"Oh, so you're going to force her to love you?" Grudgett asked sarcastically.
"Not love. Just…obey, at least." Flint's misaligned teeth formed a gruesome leer. "You saw what happened when you and your cousins insulted her. Who was it that punished you?"
"Malfoy."
"Of course." Flint's evil grin widened. "Don't you get it?"
Lyfften Grudgett suddenly realized what was going on and his beady eyes lit up.
"You mean Malf-"
"Shh! The walls have ears. I believe," Matt began, "that our bane has a weakness just like her mother."
"So what do you think?"
"I think," Flint said coldly, looking at his half-friend, half-servant in disgust, "that a little bit of the dark owl is in order."
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A/N: For those readers not familiar with Sondheim's play, 'A Little Night Music' is considered one of the more racy operatic comedies, based on Ingmar Bergman's 1956 film 'Smiles of a Summer Night,' which won Best Film overall at Cannes in its' year. It should be mentioned that the character of Petra is considered the second-biggest slut in all of Sondheim's work, and with most of the work's best comedic lines and easily the most fascinating solo in Act Two, the most coveted semi-ingenue role.
Okay, for all who don't speak actorish, Julie wants the fun, slutty part to take her mind off things. What the Griffies did to Miss Parkington is a common trick on school theatre directors, one most notably employed when my friends and I wanted not to do 'Fiddler on the Roof' for the fourth time. In the interests of space and according to school tradition of naming particular student cliques, Julie, Mitchie, and Chloe are now referred to as the 'Three Witches,' an especially ironic pun for all who have read 'Macbeth.' It is my sad duty to inform you that I have mysteriously turned into a pompous twit after having to write dialogue with Lyff and Flint, and I shall now excuse myself to the fridge to eat a strawberry. Reviews of this latest tripe would be much liked.
-Jan McNeville, Non-Professional Tripemonger