As I stated, this story is a round-robin. For those with NO CLUE what a round-robin is, here's the deal: One person starts telling a story. They pretty much
just talk until they're bored, and then stop midsentence. The next player finishes the previous sentence (which makes for much confusion and hilarity) and
then goes off into their OWN little rant. They stop midsentence somewhere, and the NEXT person finishes that sentence and starts talking, and so on
and so forth. The parts that *I* wrote are under (Pyralis), the parts that *she* wrote are under Estella. Easy enough, right? Right.
This is a bit crazy, but I hope you enjoy it. Most of it is just random as hell stuff that neither of us understand at all, it was just at the spur of the moment.
So if you're sitting there thinking "What the hell does that mean?"... don't worry. So were we :). ENJOY!
And the story begins...
(Pyralis)
One bright and sunny morning, Lina awoke. Much the same way as she had the day before. And the day before that. So after this glorious awakening, she got out of the inn bed and walked down to the inn's cafe, where she joined Gourry at a table.
"HEY!#!$" She said.
"HEY$#%" He replied.
"What's fer breakfast?"
"These dog-nut thingies."
"GOURRY&#! They're called DOOOOOOOOOOUGHNUTS."
"O." was all he could say.
"Man," Lina started, while taking a big chomp of the donut.
"Mercy!" the donut hollered, while falling into the deep dark pit of Lina's stomach.
"When I was little, my big sister would always have a slumber party for her birthday. Each year we would always serve donuts for breakfast. Brings back memories...."
Gourry only gave Lina a confused look. "What's a
(Estella)
donut? I mean birthday?" He asked.
"!$(&!$#!&$)*^!#!!!!!!!!!!!!" Lina replied. "You mean you don't know what a birthday is? JEEZ LOUISE! It's the day you were BORN on!"
Gourry looked confused. "I don't think I have one of those."
Lina slammed her face into the table. "Riiiight... anyway, we should have one."
Gourry's face lit up. "Have what? A baby?"
At that moment, Amelia came in and heard the news....
"Lina-san and Gourry-san are having a
(Pyralis)
donut? I mean a baby? OH, LINA-SAN! I'M SO HAPPY THAT YOU AND GOURRY MADE SWEET LOVIN' ALL NIGHT LONG AND THAT HIS SPERM FERTILIZED YOUR EGG, TURNING IT INTO A FETUS!!$#$ LINA AND GOURRY ARE PREGNANT!#!!"
"HOLD ON, AMELIA!" Lina shouted. "WE'RE NOT HAVING A BABY!"
"What's a pregnant?"
"SHUT UP, GOURRY!"
Suddenly, Lina had screamed herself to death. She fell over and died.
Then Zelgadis came in.
"What's all the commotion? I was shining my hair and I heard something about eggs? I like mine sunny side up!"
Then Lina un-dedded herself and jumped up towards
(Estella)
the sun in the sky! It's long overdue to spread wings and fry! I mean, fly!
"YOU CAN'T HAVE MY EGGS ZEL! I'm going to eat them myself!"
Amelia looked at her confused. "But Lina-san, if you eat your eggs then you and Gourry can't have a baby!"
Zel looked at HER confused. "What the hell does Lina eating eggs have to do with her and Gourry having a baby?"
"What's a Gourry? Oh wait, that's me!" Gourry smiled happily.
"AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH1231321!!!!!!!!!!!" Lina screamed. "Amelia, Gourry and I are NOT having a baby, we were discussing a SLEEPOVER, and Zel, sunny side up eggs taste like
(Pyralis)
chicken! So order the whole damn carton!!#!"
"Woo." Zel cheered.
After that, something unprecedented occurred. All was silent for .23423 seconds. And then, Amelia spoke.
"So what's this about a slumber party?"
"Well, I was just reminiscing about when I was little and used to go to them. You know, playing games, makin' smores, and stuff stuff stuff." Lina stuttered for no apparent reason.
"WOW THAT'S A GREAT IDEA!!!!!!" Amelia jumped up and down.
"Yeah Lina! But what's a smore?"
"That's simple." Zelgadis set down his cup of tea. "It's a
(Estella)
it's... ah.. um..... I don't know! I'm so pathetic, so useless! I wish I had never been born!" Zel slammed his fist down on the table and cried. Everyone ignored him.
Suddenly, Xellos phased in.
"That's simple! A smore is.." and he proceeded to whisper his answer into Gourry's ear.
Gourry looked confused. "What do smores have to do with Lina's breasts?"
Lina kicked Xellos down a flight of stairs. "Why don't WE have a slumber party, and we can make smores so that way you'll know what they really are!"
"YEAH!" Amelia yelled. "We can invite
(Pyralis)
my pink feather duster! He's my BFF! His name is pinkuglymeowmeow. He loves me!"
"Uhhh... what did you say its name was?" Lina raised an eyebrow.
"She SAID Pinkuglymeowmeow! Geez Lina, getting to be a little bit of an airhead, are we?" Gourry opened his mouth so wide with a goofy grin that his head was devoured by his own mouth.
"SHUT UP, GOURRY! FIREBALL!"
Just as the fireball was about to hit Gourry, his head disappeared. Then slowly, his entire BODY was gone. "Uhh... what just happened?" Amelia asked.
"Well," Xellos said, "I like sweat pants. And Gourry just ate himself."
"WHAT?!!?!?" They all screamed.
Suddenly, Gourry spit himself back out. "HE SAID I ATE
(Estella)
his sweatpants! Geez, what's the matter with you all today?"
Zelgadis slammed his head into the table, which his hair got stuck in.
"Don't worry about your hair, Zel, we can fix you up at the SLEEPOVER!" Lina yelled dramatically.
Xellos giggled like a little school girl. "Ooohh, am I invited?"
"NO!" Zel yelled.
"SURE" said Lina. "Meet back here at eleven hundred hours with your pajamas and junk food and
(Pyralis)
chopsticks!"
"SIR YES SIR!"
Everyone saluted Lina and marched away single file.
But then, Gourry marched backwards to where Lina was.
"What do you want, Jellyfish Brains?"
"Hey Lina?"
"Yeah...?"
"What's a chop-"
"FIREBALL!"
3657652423890 seconds later....
There was a knock at Lina's door. "YAY, it's the first guest of the evening!!" Lina clapped her hands together with excitement. She tossed her head from side to side. Her hair was up in little pigtails, and she was wearing a t-shirt and pajama pants with little fireballs on them.
"I'LL GET IT!" She screamed to everyone in there.
She was the only one in there, by the way.
She flung the door open. "Hey, welcome to---AHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she screamed in terror. It was
(Estella)
Gourry getting his mack on with ZEL!
JUST KIDDING!@!@#!@#!
It was Xellos, dressed in girly pink pjs, with his shoulder length purple hair ALSO in pigtails.
He giggled. "I can't wait to do make up!"
Lina stared at him. "You look HOT, I mean, GAY in that get up, Xellos! Why aren't you in guys pjs?"
He smiled and leaned in closer to Lina's face. "Well Lina-san.... that is
(Pyralis)
GENERIC BRAND CHOCOLATE! U THINK DIS BITCH GON' EAT DAT SHIT? I BE DOWN WIT HERSHEY'S, AND NUTTIN' ELSE! I PITY DA FOO WHO DON'T EAT HERSHEY'S!"
Lina jumped 89 feet into the air. "Uh, Xel, I uh..."
"DON'T BE HATIN' ON HERSHEY'S!" he screamed.
Thankfully, they were then saved by Amelia, who dashed in, knocking the both of them over.
"Lina-san! Xellos-san! YOU TWO LOOK SO PRETTY!!# But Xellos-san.... why are you wearing girly clothes? I mean, they look nice on you and all, but..."
Xellos smiled mysteriously and leaned toward Amelia. "Well, Amelia, THAT is
(Estella) a very good question. Honestly, I don't know what the hell is wrong with me." He shrugged.
"Okay....." Amelia said.
"ANYWAY." Lina butted in "Where are the rest of my guests?"
"Hey Lina! Here we are!" Gourry yelled from the doorway. "I brought my Sword of Light!" He began to thrash it around wildly by Xellos.
"WATCH OUT GOD DAMN IT!" Xellos yelled. Zelgadis walked in after Gourry, and was followed by
(Pyralis)
George W. Bush.
"Hi." Dubya said. "I came to bust you criminables. I am the presidential of the United Statues!"
"What the hell?" Lina raised an eyebrow. "Hey Gourry, why'd you bring this weird looking guy?"
"Lina... try and be more polite! It's Zelgadis, don't you remember him?"
Lina jumped up and down. "NOT HIM!" She pointed at Dubya. "Him!"
But as everyone turned to look, Georgie had vanished into thin
(Estella)
mints. And then a girl scout came by. Gourry ate her, and her cookies.
"Mmm, good girlscout." he said.
"um... Lina, who are you talking about? I don't see anyone." Zel commented, ignoring Gourry eating girl scouts.
"I DON'T KNOW!" She tried to calm down. "Let's just get this show on the road, shall we?"
"Show? Is that the white stuff that falls from the sky in the winter?" Gourry asked.
Amelia shook her head. "No, Gourry san, that's-"
"WHO CARES WHAT IT IS! SOMEONE DO MY MAKEUP, NOW!" Lina screamed, impatiently.
Suddenly the door slammed open.
"I'll do your make up! And you shall DIE after that! CURSE YOU LINA INVERSE!"
It was none other then-
(Pyralis)
room service.
A young man held up a platter full of hors d'uerves. "YOU DIDN'T ORDER THE ESCARGOT! SHAME ON YOU!"
"Escargot?" Zel tilted his head to one side.
"Cooked slug?" Amelia tilted her head to one side and fell over.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!HHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Lina. Then, she jumped into Gourry's pillowcase.
"Muwahhahahaha!" room service chortled. "And you're a lousy tipper, too!" Then, slime suddenly began to come out of his pores as he slowly transformed into a giant slug.
"Oh Miss Innnnnveeeeeeerse, I'm coming for youuuuuu!"
"NO!" Lina wailed. "KEEP IT OFF, KEEP IT OOOOOOOOOOOFFFF!!!"
"Don't worry, Lina. I'm your protector, so I'll protect
(Estella)
Martina!" Gourry exclaimed. Martina and Zangulus had just walked in after the room service guy, and heard Gourry's confession of love for Martina.
"GOURRY! Are you trying to steal my woman?" Zangulus yelled. "That's it, I challenge you to a DUEL! A MANLY DUEL! THAT ONLY MEN CAN DO!"
Gourry looked confused. "And what's that?"
Zangulus giggled "Why, knitting potholders, of course! Whoever makes the best wins!"
"Oh, okay!" Gourry began to make potholders.
Lina screamed from inside Gourry's pillowcase. "YOU IDIOT! PROTECT ME!"
"I'll save you Lina! Because I am in LOVE with you!" yelled Zelgadis, and he ran towards the slug to kill it. But then he stopped in his tracks.
"Oh wait, no I'm not. Nevermind." Then he died.
"Oh no! I better give him mouth to mouth!" Xellos cried, as he transformed into a big black cone. "Silly me, I forgot! Cones don't have mouths!"
Then Filia fell down the chimney out of no where and said
(Pyralis)
"Hey y'all! I was just chillin', lookin' in my mirror today, and I thought, 'Fils, these green balls on the side of your head have just GOT to go.' Lina, I noticed that you like big tacky earrings, so I brought them here JUST for you!"
"Ohhh, Filia, that's so niiiiiice, NOW SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING AND KILL THAT DAMN SLUG! ASSHOLES!!"
"HEY I have an idea!" said Amelia. She picked the pillowcase up and threw it into a big wooden chair. "Anyone have some rope?" she asked.
"Why yes, I seem to have some right here in the pocket of my cape!" Gourry reached into the pocket of... "Oh YEAH, that's right! I don't have a cape!" He giggled.
"Oh, okay." Amelia slumped in disappointment. "Oh, I forgot, I have a rope right HERE!" She giggled as she pulled out uglypinkmeowmeow and started digging around inside it. She pulled out a giant ferret, a pikachu, and a broom until she finally came across the rope. Then she tied Lina to the chair. "Here you go, Lina-san!"
"I always KNEW that thing had a purpose..." Dead Zel muttered.
"What are you DOING Amelia?! ASSHOLE!! If I wasn't tied up to a chair inside a pillow-case right now, I'd
(Estella)
realize that you are making fun of a stupid Zel/Xel fanfic called "Traveling the Serpent's Trail"! GOOD ONE! HAHAHAHAHEJRHWKWE9384w#et#%#~~~~~~!!!!!!!!! Now, UNTIE ME!"
Crickets chirped.
A tumble weed rolled by.
Gourry scratched his head.
5234287432 weeks passed.
And then, all at the same time, Amelia, Dead Zel, Cone Xellos, Filia, Martina, Zangulus and Gourry said "OHHHH!!!! UNTIE YOU!!!!!"
They all jumped at once to untie Lina from the chair, but all crashed into each other!
And Died! Except for Zel, who was already dead. He just died again.
"GOD DAMN IT!@!" Lina screamed. Who is going to untie me now??? she thought. And I never got to tell Zangulus, I mean GOURRY my true feelings.... now he'll never know how I felt about him!
Lina screamed, all though no one was alive to hear her.
But then, just when she thought ALL HOPE WAS LOST... the door slowly creaked open... CREEEEEEEAAAAAAAAK. Lina could hear her heartbeating in her ears and the figure at the door showed it's true form.
"OH god NO1!@@ NOT YOU! ANYONE BUT
(Pyralis)
...wait, I really can't see who you are anyway, because I'm INSIDE A PILLOWCASE. Oh, well. Whoever you are, you're probably just going to die too. Like everyone else in here. They're all dead. Dead dead dead. La dee da dee daaaaa...hmmm."
"Miss Lina?"
Oh, gods. That voice. "Shitfill?"
"That's SYLPHIEL, Miss Lina. Heh heh heh. Would you like me to untie you?"
"Nahhh..." Lina shook her head from withing the pillowcase. "I just figured I'd hang out in here, just to see how long it took before I suffocated. OF COURSE I WANT YOU TO UNTIE ME!!"
Sylphiel jumped 3984023 feet high. "Okay, Miss Lina, um....how do I do that? Oh I know!"
"Great!" said Lina. "Now I can kick everyone's ass for not saving me. ASSHOLES. I don't care if they're already dead, I'll kick them six feet under! Ohhh, when I get my hands on---"
"Miss Lina?"
"WHAT!?"
"Ummm... I don't know how to untie a knot."
"YOU DON'T?! ASSHOLE!! WHAT GOOD ARE YOU?!"
"Well, you see, Miss Lina, that's kind of the thing... I'm no good. No good at all. I really don't serve much of a purpose besides pissing off Lina/Gourry fans by lusting over Gourry Dear. I'm fairly stupid and know almost nothing about magic, except when I do the Flare
(Estella)
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"
Lina looked confused from inside the pillow case.
"Flare ahhhh? What the hell is that?" She heard chomping noises going on outside the pillowcase. She began to panic.
"Oh for the love of GOD WHO'S OUT THERE!@#!?? Sylphiel???"
No sounds came.
"YEAH SHE MUST BE DEAD! Wait a minute, if someone out there is eating Sylphiel, they might want to eat me too!!!" Suddenly the rope was untied, and Lina struggled out of the pillow case.
"Valgaav?!@?#!#?12 What in 9 hells are you doing here??" She asked.
He swallowed Sylphiel and yelled "EVERYBODY GO TO HELL!@!!@!#!#"
And with that, all the bodies of her dead friends dissapeared, and Valgaav walked out the door.
"Bye!"
Lina waved. "Bye Valgaav, it was nice seeing you again! DOH! WAIT A MINUTE!@#! He sent all my friends to HELL! Great, now I'll have to go save them.. ASSHOLES... WAIT... HOW DO I GET TO HELL????"
Lina freaked out.
"NOOO!!! If I can't go to hell, then I will NEVER SEE MY FIRENDS AGAIN!!@#! No more Gourry and his transparant hair... no more cone Xellos.. " she sniffled. "No more Amelia and pinkuglywhat'shisface... and no more of... you know that guy made out of rocks..."
She cried a river and named it denial.
"SOMEONE HELP ME GO TO HELL!"
Then Phibby popped up. He danced the dance of death and
(Pyralis)
smiled from ear to ear to ear. "Here, CATCH!"
He threw a big ugly golden ball in Lina's direction. "HEY MY EARRING! ASSHOLE! HOW DID YOU GET IT?"
"Gotta go." Phibby said. "Mommy says it's bedtime!" he disappeared.
"DAMMIT! TELL ME HOW TO GO TO HELL!"
Lina sighed and plopped down to the floor with disappointment. When she did so, she heard a loud POP as if she'd broken something. "Oh, dammit! I busted my earring! This day just keeps getting--"
Before Lina could finish her sentence, she was suddenly surrounded by a ring of fire. "Wha...? This looks like Hell! That gold ball must have been PHIBRIZZO'S SPECTACULAR DEATH ORB! Oh, no, I---"
"LINA INVEEEEEEEERTHE, WELCOME TO....HELLL!!! I THURE THINK THITH PLATHE ITH THOOTHING. YOU CAN THIT AND THUNBATHE AND THING AND EAT THAUTHY THALITHBURY THTEAK ALL DAY! MY NAME IS DAVID MOO, BUT THOME THEEM TO LIKE CALLING ME THATAN. I'LL BE YOUR HOTHT...FOR THE RETHT OF ETERNITY!!!!"
"NOOOOO!" Lina hollered. "Let me out! I want to see Gourry and Conie-poo and everyone else! Please tell me how to
(Estella)
do the tango!"
David Moo laughed evilly. "Well, Lina, ath you know, it taketh TWO to tango..."
He approached Lina seductively, grabbed her arms, and began to tango with her. She stepped on his feet 89 million times until his feet were reduced to bloody stumps.
"BLOODY STUMPS!@#!#!@$" he yelled. "Now I'll never know the meaning of true love!"
And he... DIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lina jumped for joy. "I did it! I killed David Moo! Wait a minute... THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT KILLING DAVID MOO!!! THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT ME AND MY FRIENDS HAVING A SLEEPOVER AND DOING EACH OTHERS MAKE UP AND MAKING SMORES AND AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" She randomly fell off a cliff.
As she saw the ground get closer and closer, she cried.
"No, this can't be the untimely death of Lina inverse! It can't be IT CAN'T-"
Lina's eyes shot open. She looked around. She was still in her bed in the inn. She let a out a sigh of relief.
"It was all a dream... a terrible twisted dream..."
She swung her legs to the side of the bed and jumped to the ground. When she did, she heard a pop that sounded familiarly like she had broken something...
"Damn, I must have busted my AAAAHHHHHHHHH@!!@#!#!"
The room BURST into flames and
(Pyralis)
suddenly, Phibrizzo popped out of nowhere. "Welcome, Lina Inverse. To...... PHIBRIZZO'S SPECTACULAR DEATH ORB!!!!!!!"
Then, Pyralis jumped into the fanfic. "Hey, sorry. I forgot I already used the 'PHIBRIZZO'S SPECTACULAR DEATH ORB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' thing. It's only funny once. So let's hit the rewind button."
"Sounds GREAT to me." said Lina.
"Okay, let me just get my remote... uh-oh."
Lina's eyes widened. "I don't like the sound of that."
"Uhhhh.... I forgot where I put my remote. Sorry, I can't rewind anything. BYE!" then, Pyralis left the fanfic.
"MAN! ASSHOLE!!!!" Lina yelled.
Then, Estella appeared in the fanfic. "Hi! I'm gonna help you, because I look like a 12 year old! I always remember where I put things, so let's use MY remote!"
"Yayyyyyy!" Lina said.
"Okay, here it is." Estella pulled out her remote. "Now which one's the rewind button?"
"Oh, it's the one on the left." Lina smiled. She was gonna be outta here!
"Okay!" Estella giggled, pressing the button on the right.
"NO!!! THAT'S THE FAST FORWARD!!!!!!!!!!!" Lina screamed. "ASSHOOOOOOOLE!!!"
Suddenly, it was 224353656 years later. Lina opened her eyes, and couldn't believe what she saw. The entire world was
(Estella)
A SLAYERS ALTERNATE UNIVERSE@#!@#!
Lina screamed in sheer horror. She knew where this was going. She glared at Estella.
"Damn it, you 12 year old idiot! I said LEFT BUTTON! Not RIGHT!!"
Estella giggled. "Jeez Louise, I thought EVERYONE knew I get my rights and lefts confused. Oh well, your problem now!" With that, she left the fanfic.
"NOOO!!!!!!!!!! Don't leave me here!!!!!! Don't leave me alone in the alternate universe!!!!!"
She looked around at the wasteland she was in. And on the horizon she saw a figure, shrouded in mystery, coming towards her.
"Lina!"
It was ZELGADIS!
"Zel! I thought you were dead! Come on, we gotta get out of here!" She exclaimed.
"'Fraid not, Lina! This is Slayers alternate universe, and you'll NEVER ESCAPE!" boomed a voice from up above.
"WHO ARE YOU????" She screamed in frustration.
AU-Zelgadis jumped on Lina.
"I LUV U LINA!!!!!! LETS GET MARRIED AND HAVE TONS OF CHIMERA KIDS CAUSE I LOOOOOVE THEM! XELLOS CAN BE OUR PRIEST AND MY GRANDPA REZO CAN COME!" Lina freaked out. "DAMN it Zel! Get a hold of
(Pyralis)
my breasts! Because this is an alternate universe fanfic, AND I'M IN LOVE WIT U 2@!@@@@$!!!!!!!!!!!"
Suddenly, "Pomp and circumstance" (the graduation music) played from the inner depths of nowhere, and Lina and Zel ran towards each other in slow motion.
Then, Amelia popped out of a random toilet somewhere. "DAMMITFUCKHELLSHITASS!!!!" she giggled. "I just murdered a family of four. "IT WAS FUN!" she took a huff from a crackpipe and let out a loud belch.
"Well, I say!" Gourry, um, said, adjusting his specs. Then he started muttering some calculus equation.
While Lina and Zel were making out and 34879028943347293809 ANTI Lina/Zel fans were rolling over in their graves, Amelia rolled around in a pile of mud, and Gourry tended to his carnations, Xelloss popped in. Tears welled in his eyes. "Oh! Everyone... everyone is so...... WRONG! My friends, my wonderful friends whom I love to pieces... it's all just terrible... I have to figure out how to get you back to normal!"
"Now dammit!!" Suddenly, a giant S'more waltzed in. "This damn fanfic was supposed to be about a slumber party where you played games and roasted SMORES!! And by George, THAT'S WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN!!! NOW GET THE HELL BACK TO THE PARTY!!!!" The Slayers all looked up at the S'more.
34809283 seconds passed.
A baby cried.
A bunny meowed.
The odd dog barked.
"Okay." They all shrugged and suddenly appeared back in Lina's room at the inn.
"So!" Lina smiled. "What game should we
(Estella)
use to kill each other with? I mean, play? Any suggestions?"
Amelia raised her hand.
"Yes Amelia?"
"Let's play Twister!"
Lina thought for a moment. "Sounds like fun! All for it say aye!"
"Aye!" responded Amelia, Gourry, Xellos, Filia, Martina, and Zangulus. "All opposed?"
Zelgadis rolled his eyes. "Whatever."
"ALL RIGHT!" Lina yelled. "TWISTER IT IS!"
A moment of silence.
"Umm.... does anyone know how to play Twister?"
They all shook their heads.
Xellos smiled. "Well look here, I seem to have found a book about how to play twister! Aren't we lucky?" He pulled a a book out of his pants.
Zelgadis glared at Xellos. "Very."
Xellos giggled, hair still in pigtails, but in boys pjs that said "SORE WA HIMITSU DESU" all over them. He spread out the Twister mat.
"Okay, we can only have 4 at a time on the mat. I'll be the caller and...."
He surveyed the scene. Martina and Zangulus were getting their mack on in the corner.
"Okay, Lina-san, Gourry-san, Zelgadis-san, and Amelia-san, you all get to play first!" He said cheerfully.
"WHAT ABOUT ME?" Filia demamnded angrily.
He smiled. "Selfish dragons don't get to
(Pyralis)
live. So I'm going to kill you for a little bit, k?" He waved his pinkie and Filia died.
"Dammit!!!!!!!!!!" ded Filia cried. "Namagomi! That's just like an evil Mazoku, just killing off things that annoy them. Well I'll have you know that blah blah blah blah..."
While Filia mumbled on, Xellos raised an eyebrow. Then, since Pyralis couldn't think of anything else to write, the eyebrow jumped off of Xellos' head and landed in Filia's mouth. Filia swallowed it and started choking on it. Then she died again.
"Okaaaaaaaaaay," said Xellos minus eyebrow. "Now that we don't have to worry about HER anymore..."
Then, ded twice Filia jumped up. She yelled some incoherent stuff, and then she ran into the bathroom.
"Um." said Gourry. "What's a bathroom?"
"ASSHOLE!" Lina screamed. "You're breaking the fourth wall! You couldn't HEAR that happen, the author was ExPLAINING it."
"Oh." said Gourry. "What---"
"LEFT HAND GREEN@@!!$#$" Xellos screamed.
As if by fate, or by the scheming mind of the author, Amelia and Zel *accidentally* put their hand on the same spot. Their hands brushed together ever so softly... Amelia's cheeks turned pink. She could feel Zel's cold, stony flesh on hers. How she had hoped, YEARNED for the day that she played Twister with him. Her breath quickened as she looked into Zel's eyes. "Zel... Zelgadis-san! I..."
"Amelia..." Zel blushed. His palms sweated as he felt Amelia's soft skin. He slowly lifted his head and---
"WAIT A MINUTE!!" Gourry yelled. "Can rocks blush?!"
"GOURRY!!!" Lina screamed. "STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL, OR I'LL THROW
(Estella)
UP!!!"
Gourry turned green. "Ew... geez Lina, you are totally disgusting."
Lina growled angrily and slapped him hard on the back, causing him to hit the ground.
"Gourry's out!" Xellos said.
Gourry grumbled and got up off the Twister mat.
This game is mine... Lina thought.
"HA HAHAHAHAHAHA!" She laughed evilly.
"Uhh... Lina-san.... what's so funny?" Amelia asked.
"MY ASS, THAT'S WHAT!"
Gourry laughed. "You're right, it is pretty fu-"
"FIREBALL!!!!!!!"
"RIGHT FOOT YELLOW!!!!!!" Xellos screamed over the chaos.
Lina and Zelgadis both moved their right feet to the same yellow spot. Lina stomped on his foot as hard as she could.
"OW!!!!" She yelled in pain. She forgot he was made of rock.
"Serves you right." Zel said.
"THAT'S IT! I AM GOING TO WIN THIS DAMN GAME IF IT'S THE LAST I DO!" Lina stood up and pushed Zelgadis and Amelia over, and then did a victory dance.
"Wooo!! I won I won I WON!"
Everyone looked at her and
(Pyralis)
died.
"Ohhhhhhhhhh, not this agaiiiiiiiiin!!!" Lina cried. "PLEEEEEEEASE!"
"Hahahahhaa, just kidding!" Amelia got up and started dancing the Macarena.
Then, Zelgadis stood up and in his vibrato-crispy voice, he sang "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY MACARENA!"
Then, Gourry stood up. "Hey Lina," he said.
"BEFORE YOU ASK, POACHED EGGS FOR BRAINS, THE MACARENA IS A---"
Suddenly, Gourry grabbed Lina midsentence and gave her a passionate kiss.
Then, he turned black, grew some dred-locks, and got some black glasses. He sat down at a big piano and sang, a la Stevie Wonder: "I just callled...... to say.. I love you!"
"Huh?" Lina said, still dazed by the kiss.
"Wait." Gourry turned back into himself. "Lina, who's Stevie Wonder?"
"Oh, you idiot." Lina sighed. She wasn't as into it this time, beause all of the sudden, it was THAT TIME OF THE MONTH.
Suddenly, the room fell silent.
*cue Twilight Zone theme*
893048923890938423 minutes passed.
A green alien walked by.
Xellos sprouted a bunch of legs out of his head.
God suddenly liked Pyralis.
Then he got bored, and he stopped liking her.
And suddenly, Gourry said... "Lina.... what's 'THAT TIME OF THE MONTH?'"
"Gourry, it's the day of the month where I spank your
(Estella)
monkey paw! Now can we PLEASE get on with this sleepover?"
"What's up next, Lina-san?" Xellos asked.
"How about that smore stuff, Lina?" Gourry looked VERY INTERESTED in having a smore..... if you know what I'm saying!
"Sounds like a good idea. First we need a fire. FIREBALL!" Lina yelled, and set the room on fire. "Now, you.... um... you... actually, I don't know, I just know there is fire involved."
Amelia screamed. "NOW WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? WE'LL BURN TO DEATH!"
"I'll save us!" Zelgadis yelled. "Everyone knows that rocks put out fires!" He began rolling around in the fire, only to get him self caught on fire!
"Everybody ROCK YOUR BODY!" Gourry sang.
"HELP!" Zelgadis yelled, but it was too late.... the fire burnt him to a crisp.
Lina looked out the window and noticed the sun rising.
"It's already morning? Wow, we wasted the entire night
(Pyralis) in Hell!"
Now, normally, that would just be a figure of speech, but....
"No, Lina-san. That isn't the sun. It seems that Filia-san got bored with herself, so she decided to fly off into the night."
"Wow." said Gourry. "Golden dragons sure do have large as--"
"LEFT FOOT RED!@!!!!!" Xellos screamed.
"Xellos-san," Amelia giggled. "That won't work this time, we aren't playing Twister anymore!"
"No, I really mean it this time, Amelia-san. LOOK AT YOUR FEET!!" Xellos pointed at her feet with his staff.
Amelia looked down at her left foot. It was being consumed by flames!!!
"Oh, nooooo!" Amelia cried. "Somebody save me!"
"Wellll......" Gourry scratched his head. "I would, but I'm Lina's protector, not yours. So I guess I'll see you later."
"Yeah." Lina waved. "We're gonna go have some nice sex, come get us when you're ready to get on with the party."
"LINA-SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN@@!!!" Amelia screamed.
Xellos just stood there, you know, not looking at her.
Martina and Zangulus had once been there, but they had been getting their mack on for so long, that they were eternally trapped in a big lake of drool.
So the only person left was....
To be Continued...
just talk until they're bored, and then stop midsentence. The next player finishes the previous sentence (which makes for much confusion and hilarity) and
then goes off into their OWN little rant. They stop midsentence somewhere, and the NEXT person finishes that sentence and starts talking, and so on
and so forth. The parts that *I* wrote are under (Pyralis), the parts that *she* wrote are under Estella. Easy enough, right? Right.
This is a bit crazy, but I hope you enjoy it. Most of it is just random as hell stuff that neither of us understand at all, it was just at the spur of the moment.
So if you're sitting there thinking "What the hell does that mean?"... don't worry. So were we :). ENJOY!
And the story begins...
(Pyralis)
One bright and sunny morning, Lina awoke. Much the same way as she had the day before. And the day before that. So after this glorious awakening, she got out of the inn bed and walked down to the inn's cafe, where she joined Gourry at a table.
"HEY!#!$" She said.
"HEY$#%" He replied.
"What's fer breakfast?"
"These dog-nut thingies."
"GOURRY&#! They're called DOOOOOOOOOOUGHNUTS."
"O." was all he could say.
"Man," Lina started, while taking a big chomp of the donut.
"Mercy!" the donut hollered, while falling into the deep dark pit of Lina's stomach.
"When I was little, my big sister would always have a slumber party for her birthday. Each year we would always serve donuts for breakfast. Brings back memories...."
Gourry only gave Lina a confused look. "What's a
(Estella)
donut? I mean birthday?" He asked.
"!$(&!$#!&$)*^!#!!!!!!!!!!!!" Lina replied. "You mean you don't know what a birthday is? JEEZ LOUISE! It's the day you were BORN on!"
Gourry looked confused. "I don't think I have one of those."
Lina slammed her face into the table. "Riiiight... anyway, we should have one."
Gourry's face lit up. "Have what? A baby?"
At that moment, Amelia came in and heard the news....
"Lina-san and Gourry-san are having a
(Pyralis)
donut? I mean a baby? OH, LINA-SAN! I'M SO HAPPY THAT YOU AND GOURRY MADE SWEET LOVIN' ALL NIGHT LONG AND THAT HIS SPERM FERTILIZED YOUR EGG, TURNING IT INTO A FETUS!!$#$ LINA AND GOURRY ARE PREGNANT!#!!"
"HOLD ON, AMELIA!" Lina shouted. "WE'RE NOT HAVING A BABY!"
"What's a pregnant?"
"SHUT UP, GOURRY!"
Suddenly, Lina had screamed herself to death. She fell over and died.
Then Zelgadis came in.
"What's all the commotion? I was shining my hair and I heard something about eggs? I like mine sunny side up!"
Then Lina un-dedded herself and jumped up towards
(Estella)
the sun in the sky! It's long overdue to spread wings and fry! I mean, fly!
"YOU CAN'T HAVE MY EGGS ZEL! I'm going to eat them myself!"
Amelia looked at her confused. "But Lina-san, if you eat your eggs then you and Gourry can't have a baby!"
Zel looked at HER confused. "What the hell does Lina eating eggs have to do with her and Gourry having a baby?"
"What's a Gourry? Oh wait, that's me!" Gourry smiled happily.
"AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH1231321!!!!!!!!!!!" Lina screamed. "Amelia, Gourry and I are NOT having a baby, we were discussing a SLEEPOVER, and Zel, sunny side up eggs taste like
(Pyralis)
chicken! So order the whole damn carton!!#!"
"Woo." Zel cheered.
After that, something unprecedented occurred. All was silent for .23423 seconds. And then, Amelia spoke.
"So what's this about a slumber party?"
"Well, I was just reminiscing about when I was little and used to go to them. You know, playing games, makin' smores, and stuff stuff stuff." Lina stuttered for no apparent reason.
"WOW THAT'S A GREAT IDEA!!!!!!" Amelia jumped up and down.
"Yeah Lina! But what's a smore?"
"That's simple." Zelgadis set down his cup of tea. "It's a
(Estella)
it's... ah.. um..... I don't know! I'm so pathetic, so useless! I wish I had never been born!" Zel slammed his fist down on the table and cried. Everyone ignored him.
Suddenly, Xellos phased in.
"That's simple! A smore is.." and he proceeded to whisper his answer into Gourry's ear.
Gourry looked confused. "What do smores have to do with Lina's breasts?"
Lina kicked Xellos down a flight of stairs. "Why don't WE have a slumber party, and we can make smores so that way you'll know what they really are!"
"YEAH!" Amelia yelled. "We can invite
(Pyralis)
my pink feather duster! He's my BFF! His name is pinkuglymeowmeow. He loves me!"
"Uhhh... what did you say its name was?" Lina raised an eyebrow.
"She SAID Pinkuglymeowmeow! Geez Lina, getting to be a little bit of an airhead, are we?" Gourry opened his mouth so wide with a goofy grin that his head was devoured by his own mouth.
"SHUT UP, GOURRY! FIREBALL!"
Just as the fireball was about to hit Gourry, his head disappeared. Then slowly, his entire BODY was gone. "Uhh... what just happened?" Amelia asked.
"Well," Xellos said, "I like sweat pants. And Gourry just ate himself."
"WHAT?!!?!?" They all screamed.
Suddenly, Gourry spit himself back out. "HE SAID I ATE
(Estella)
his sweatpants! Geez, what's the matter with you all today?"
Zelgadis slammed his head into the table, which his hair got stuck in.
"Don't worry about your hair, Zel, we can fix you up at the SLEEPOVER!" Lina yelled dramatically.
Xellos giggled like a little school girl. "Ooohh, am I invited?"
"NO!" Zel yelled.
"SURE" said Lina. "Meet back here at eleven hundred hours with your pajamas and junk food and
(Pyralis)
chopsticks!"
"SIR YES SIR!"
Everyone saluted Lina and marched away single file.
But then, Gourry marched backwards to where Lina was.
"What do you want, Jellyfish Brains?"
"Hey Lina?"
"Yeah...?"
"What's a chop-"
"FIREBALL!"
3657652423890 seconds later....
There was a knock at Lina's door. "YAY, it's the first guest of the evening!!" Lina clapped her hands together with excitement. She tossed her head from side to side. Her hair was up in little pigtails, and she was wearing a t-shirt and pajama pants with little fireballs on them.
"I'LL GET IT!" She screamed to everyone in there.
She was the only one in there, by the way.
She flung the door open. "Hey, welcome to---AHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she screamed in terror. It was
(Estella)
Gourry getting his mack on with ZEL!
JUST KIDDING!@!@#!@#!
It was Xellos, dressed in girly pink pjs, with his shoulder length purple hair ALSO in pigtails.
He giggled. "I can't wait to do make up!"
Lina stared at him. "You look HOT, I mean, GAY in that get up, Xellos! Why aren't you in guys pjs?"
He smiled and leaned in closer to Lina's face. "Well Lina-san.... that is
(Pyralis)
GENERIC BRAND CHOCOLATE! U THINK DIS BITCH GON' EAT DAT SHIT? I BE DOWN WIT HERSHEY'S, AND NUTTIN' ELSE! I PITY DA FOO WHO DON'T EAT HERSHEY'S!"
Lina jumped 89 feet into the air. "Uh, Xel, I uh..."
"DON'T BE HATIN' ON HERSHEY'S!" he screamed.
Thankfully, they were then saved by Amelia, who dashed in, knocking the both of them over.
"Lina-san! Xellos-san! YOU TWO LOOK SO PRETTY!!# But Xellos-san.... why are you wearing girly clothes? I mean, they look nice on you and all, but..."
Xellos smiled mysteriously and leaned toward Amelia. "Well, Amelia, THAT is
(Estella) a very good question. Honestly, I don't know what the hell is wrong with me." He shrugged.
"Okay....." Amelia said.
"ANYWAY." Lina butted in "Where are the rest of my guests?"
"Hey Lina! Here we are!" Gourry yelled from the doorway. "I brought my Sword of Light!" He began to thrash it around wildly by Xellos.
"WATCH OUT GOD DAMN IT!" Xellos yelled. Zelgadis walked in after Gourry, and was followed by
(Pyralis)
George W. Bush.
"Hi." Dubya said. "I came to bust you criminables. I am the presidential of the United Statues!"
"What the hell?" Lina raised an eyebrow. "Hey Gourry, why'd you bring this weird looking guy?"
"Lina... try and be more polite! It's Zelgadis, don't you remember him?"
Lina jumped up and down. "NOT HIM!" She pointed at Dubya. "Him!"
But as everyone turned to look, Georgie had vanished into thin
(Estella)
mints. And then a girl scout came by. Gourry ate her, and her cookies.
"Mmm, good girlscout." he said.
"um... Lina, who are you talking about? I don't see anyone." Zel commented, ignoring Gourry eating girl scouts.
"I DON'T KNOW!" She tried to calm down. "Let's just get this show on the road, shall we?"
"Show? Is that the white stuff that falls from the sky in the winter?" Gourry asked.
Amelia shook her head. "No, Gourry san, that's-"
"WHO CARES WHAT IT IS! SOMEONE DO MY MAKEUP, NOW!" Lina screamed, impatiently.
Suddenly the door slammed open.
"I'll do your make up! And you shall DIE after that! CURSE YOU LINA INVERSE!"
It was none other then-
(Pyralis)
room service.
A young man held up a platter full of hors d'uerves. "YOU DIDN'T ORDER THE ESCARGOT! SHAME ON YOU!"
"Escargot?" Zel tilted his head to one side.
"Cooked slug?" Amelia tilted her head to one side and fell over.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!HHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Lina. Then, she jumped into Gourry's pillowcase.
"Muwahhahahaha!" room service chortled. "And you're a lousy tipper, too!" Then, slime suddenly began to come out of his pores as he slowly transformed into a giant slug.
"Oh Miss Innnnnveeeeeeerse, I'm coming for youuuuuu!"
"NO!" Lina wailed. "KEEP IT OFF, KEEP IT OOOOOOOOOOOFFFF!!!"
"Don't worry, Lina. I'm your protector, so I'll protect
(Estella)
Martina!" Gourry exclaimed. Martina and Zangulus had just walked in after the room service guy, and heard Gourry's confession of love for Martina.
"GOURRY! Are you trying to steal my woman?" Zangulus yelled. "That's it, I challenge you to a DUEL! A MANLY DUEL! THAT ONLY MEN CAN DO!"
Gourry looked confused. "And what's that?"
Zangulus giggled "Why, knitting potholders, of course! Whoever makes the best wins!"
"Oh, okay!" Gourry began to make potholders.
Lina screamed from inside Gourry's pillowcase. "YOU IDIOT! PROTECT ME!"
"I'll save you Lina! Because I am in LOVE with you!" yelled Zelgadis, and he ran towards the slug to kill it. But then he stopped in his tracks.
"Oh wait, no I'm not. Nevermind." Then he died.
"Oh no! I better give him mouth to mouth!" Xellos cried, as he transformed into a big black cone. "Silly me, I forgot! Cones don't have mouths!"
Then Filia fell down the chimney out of no where and said
(Pyralis)
"Hey y'all! I was just chillin', lookin' in my mirror today, and I thought, 'Fils, these green balls on the side of your head have just GOT to go.' Lina, I noticed that you like big tacky earrings, so I brought them here JUST for you!"
"Ohhh, Filia, that's so niiiiiice, NOW SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING AND KILL THAT DAMN SLUG! ASSHOLES!!"
"HEY I have an idea!" said Amelia. She picked the pillowcase up and threw it into a big wooden chair. "Anyone have some rope?" she asked.
"Why yes, I seem to have some right here in the pocket of my cape!" Gourry reached into the pocket of... "Oh YEAH, that's right! I don't have a cape!" He giggled.
"Oh, okay." Amelia slumped in disappointment. "Oh, I forgot, I have a rope right HERE!" She giggled as she pulled out uglypinkmeowmeow and started digging around inside it. She pulled out a giant ferret, a pikachu, and a broom until she finally came across the rope. Then she tied Lina to the chair. "Here you go, Lina-san!"
"I always KNEW that thing had a purpose..." Dead Zel muttered.
"What are you DOING Amelia?! ASSHOLE!! If I wasn't tied up to a chair inside a pillow-case right now, I'd
(Estella)
realize that you are making fun of a stupid Zel/Xel fanfic called "Traveling the Serpent's Trail"! GOOD ONE! HAHAHAHAHEJRHWKWE9384w#et#%#~~~~~~!!!!!!!!! Now, UNTIE ME!"
Crickets chirped.
A tumble weed rolled by.
Gourry scratched his head.
5234287432 weeks passed.
And then, all at the same time, Amelia, Dead Zel, Cone Xellos, Filia, Martina, Zangulus and Gourry said "OHHHH!!!! UNTIE YOU!!!!!"
They all jumped at once to untie Lina from the chair, but all crashed into each other!
And Died! Except for Zel, who was already dead. He just died again.
"GOD DAMN IT!@!" Lina screamed. Who is going to untie me now??? she thought. And I never got to tell Zangulus, I mean GOURRY my true feelings.... now he'll never know how I felt about him!
Lina screamed, all though no one was alive to hear her.
But then, just when she thought ALL HOPE WAS LOST... the door slowly creaked open... CREEEEEEEAAAAAAAAK. Lina could hear her heartbeating in her ears and the figure at the door showed it's true form.
"OH god NO1!@@ NOT YOU! ANYONE BUT
(Pyralis)
...wait, I really can't see who you are anyway, because I'm INSIDE A PILLOWCASE. Oh, well. Whoever you are, you're probably just going to die too. Like everyone else in here. They're all dead. Dead dead dead. La dee da dee daaaaa...hmmm."
"Miss Lina?"
Oh, gods. That voice. "Shitfill?"
"That's SYLPHIEL, Miss Lina. Heh heh heh. Would you like me to untie you?"
"Nahhh..." Lina shook her head from withing the pillowcase. "I just figured I'd hang out in here, just to see how long it took before I suffocated. OF COURSE I WANT YOU TO UNTIE ME!!"
Sylphiel jumped 3984023 feet high. "Okay, Miss Lina, um....how do I do that? Oh I know!"
"Great!" said Lina. "Now I can kick everyone's ass for not saving me. ASSHOLES. I don't care if they're already dead, I'll kick them six feet under! Ohhh, when I get my hands on---"
"Miss Lina?"
"WHAT!?"
"Ummm... I don't know how to untie a knot."
"YOU DON'T?! ASSHOLE!! WHAT GOOD ARE YOU?!"
"Well, you see, Miss Lina, that's kind of the thing... I'm no good. No good at all. I really don't serve much of a purpose besides pissing off Lina/Gourry fans by lusting over Gourry Dear. I'm fairly stupid and know almost nothing about magic, except when I do the Flare
(Estella)
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"
Lina looked confused from inside the pillow case.
"Flare ahhhh? What the hell is that?" She heard chomping noises going on outside the pillowcase. She began to panic.
"Oh for the love of GOD WHO'S OUT THERE!@#!?? Sylphiel???"
No sounds came.
"YEAH SHE MUST BE DEAD! Wait a minute, if someone out there is eating Sylphiel, they might want to eat me too!!!" Suddenly the rope was untied, and Lina struggled out of the pillow case.
"Valgaav?!@?#!#?12 What in 9 hells are you doing here??" She asked.
He swallowed Sylphiel and yelled "EVERYBODY GO TO HELL!@!!@!#!#"
And with that, all the bodies of her dead friends dissapeared, and Valgaav walked out the door.
"Bye!"
Lina waved. "Bye Valgaav, it was nice seeing you again! DOH! WAIT A MINUTE!@#! He sent all my friends to HELL! Great, now I'll have to go save them.. ASSHOLES... WAIT... HOW DO I GET TO HELL????"
Lina freaked out.
"NOOO!!! If I can't go to hell, then I will NEVER SEE MY FIRENDS AGAIN!!@#! No more Gourry and his transparant hair... no more cone Xellos.. " she sniffled. "No more Amelia and pinkuglywhat'shisface... and no more of... you know that guy made out of rocks..."
She cried a river and named it denial.
"SOMEONE HELP ME GO TO HELL!"
Then Phibby popped up. He danced the dance of death and
(Pyralis)
smiled from ear to ear to ear. "Here, CATCH!"
He threw a big ugly golden ball in Lina's direction. "HEY MY EARRING! ASSHOLE! HOW DID YOU GET IT?"
"Gotta go." Phibby said. "Mommy says it's bedtime!" he disappeared.
"DAMMIT! TELL ME HOW TO GO TO HELL!"
Lina sighed and plopped down to the floor with disappointment. When she did so, she heard a loud POP as if she'd broken something. "Oh, dammit! I busted my earring! This day just keeps getting--"
Before Lina could finish her sentence, she was suddenly surrounded by a ring of fire. "Wha...? This looks like Hell! That gold ball must have been PHIBRIZZO'S SPECTACULAR DEATH ORB! Oh, no, I---"
"LINA INVEEEEEEEERTHE, WELCOME TO....HELLL!!! I THURE THINK THITH PLATHE ITH THOOTHING. YOU CAN THIT AND THUNBATHE AND THING AND EAT THAUTHY THALITHBURY THTEAK ALL DAY! MY NAME IS DAVID MOO, BUT THOME THEEM TO LIKE CALLING ME THATAN. I'LL BE YOUR HOTHT...FOR THE RETHT OF ETERNITY!!!!"
"NOOOOO!" Lina hollered. "Let me out! I want to see Gourry and Conie-poo and everyone else! Please tell me how to
(Estella)
do the tango!"
David Moo laughed evilly. "Well, Lina, ath you know, it taketh TWO to tango..."
He approached Lina seductively, grabbed her arms, and began to tango with her. She stepped on his feet 89 million times until his feet were reduced to bloody stumps.
"BLOODY STUMPS!@#!#!@$" he yelled. "Now I'll never know the meaning of true love!"
And he... DIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lina jumped for joy. "I did it! I killed David Moo! Wait a minute... THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT KILLING DAVID MOO!!! THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT ME AND MY FRIENDS HAVING A SLEEPOVER AND DOING EACH OTHERS MAKE UP AND MAKING SMORES AND AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" She randomly fell off a cliff.
As she saw the ground get closer and closer, she cried.
"No, this can't be the untimely death of Lina inverse! It can't be IT CAN'T-"
Lina's eyes shot open. She looked around. She was still in her bed in the inn. She let a out a sigh of relief.
"It was all a dream... a terrible twisted dream..."
She swung her legs to the side of the bed and jumped to the ground. When she did, she heard a pop that sounded familiarly like she had broken something...
"Damn, I must have busted my AAAAHHHHHHHHH@!!@#!#!"
The room BURST into flames and
(Pyralis)
suddenly, Phibrizzo popped out of nowhere. "Welcome, Lina Inverse. To...... PHIBRIZZO'S SPECTACULAR DEATH ORB!!!!!!!"
Then, Pyralis jumped into the fanfic. "Hey, sorry. I forgot I already used the 'PHIBRIZZO'S SPECTACULAR DEATH ORB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' thing. It's only funny once. So let's hit the rewind button."
"Sounds GREAT to me." said Lina.
"Okay, let me just get my remote... uh-oh."
Lina's eyes widened. "I don't like the sound of that."
"Uhhhh.... I forgot where I put my remote. Sorry, I can't rewind anything. BYE!" then, Pyralis left the fanfic.
"MAN! ASSHOLE!!!!" Lina yelled.
Then, Estella appeared in the fanfic. "Hi! I'm gonna help you, because I look like a 12 year old! I always remember where I put things, so let's use MY remote!"
"Yayyyyyy!" Lina said.
"Okay, here it is." Estella pulled out her remote. "Now which one's the rewind button?"
"Oh, it's the one on the left." Lina smiled. She was gonna be outta here!
"Okay!" Estella giggled, pressing the button on the right.
"NO!!! THAT'S THE FAST FORWARD!!!!!!!!!!!" Lina screamed. "ASSHOOOOOOOLE!!!"
Suddenly, it was 224353656 years later. Lina opened her eyes, and couldn't believe what she saw. The entire world was
(Estella)
A SLAYERS ALTERNATE UNIVERSE@#!@#!
Lina screamed in sheer horror. She knew where this was going. She glared at Estella.
"Damn it, you 12 year old idiot! I said LEFT BUTTON! Not RIGHT!!"
Estella giggled. "Jeez Louise, I thought EVERYONE knew I get my rights and lefts confused. Oh well, your problem now!" With that, she left the fanfic.
"NOOO!!!!!!!!!! Don't leave me here!!!!!! Don't leave me alone in the alternate universe!!!!!"
She looked around at the wasteland she was in. And on the horizon she saw a figure, shrouded in mystery, coming towards her.
"Lina!"
It was ZELGADIS!
"Zel! I thought you were dead! Come on, we gotta get out of here!" She exclaimed.
"'Fraid not, Lina! This is Slayers alternate universe, and you'll NEVER ESCAPE!" boomed a voice from up above.
"WHO ARE YOU????" She screamed in frustration.
AU-Zelgadis jumped on Lina.
"I LUV U LINA!!!!!! LETS GET MARRIED AND HAVE TONS OF CHIMERA KIDS CAUSE I LOOOOOVE THEM! XELLOS CAN BE OUR PRIEST AND MY GRANDPA REZO CAN COME!" Lina freaked out. "DAMN it Zel! Get a hold of
(Pyralis)
my breasts! Because this is an alternate universe fanfic, AND I'M IN LOVE WIT U 2@!@@@@$!!!!!!!!!!!"
Suddenly, "Pomp and circumstance" (the graduation music) played from the inner depths of nowhere, and Lina and Zel ran towards each other in slow motion.
Then, Amelia popped out of a random toilet somewhere. "DAMMITFUCKHELLSHITASS!!!!" she giggled. "I just murdered a family of four. "IT WAS FUN!" she took a huff from a crackpipe and let out a loud belch.
"Well, I say!" Gourry, um, said, adjusting his specs. Then he started muttering some calculus equation.
While Lina and Zel were making out and 34879028943347293809 ANTI Lina/Zel fans were rolling over in their graves, Amelia rolled around in a pile of mud, and Gourry tended to his carnations, Xelloss popped in. Tears welled in his eyes. "Oh! Everyone... everyone is so...... WRONG! My friends, my wonderful friends whom I love to pieces... it's all just terrible... I have to figure out how to get you back to normal!"
"Now dammit!!" Suddenly, a giant S'more waltzed in. "This damn fanfic was supposed to be about a slumber party where you played games and roasted SMORES!! And by George, THAT'S WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN!!! NOW GET THE HELL BACK TO THE PARTY!!!!" The Slayers all looked up at the S'more.
34809283 seconds passed.
A baby cried.
A bunny meowed.
The odd dog barked.
"Okay." They all shrugged and suddenly appeared back in Lina's room at the inn.
"So!" Lina smiled. "What game should we
(Estella)
use to kill each other with? I mean, play? Any suggestions?"
Amelia raised her hand.
"Yes Amelia?"
"Let's play Twister!"
Lina thought for a moment. "Sounds like fun! All for it say aye!"
"Aye!" responded Amelia, Gourry, Xellos, Filia, Martina, and Zangulus. "All opposed?"
Zelgadis rolled his eyes. "Whatever."
"ALL RIGHT!" Lina yelled. "TWISTER IT IS!"
A moment of silence.
"Umm.... does anyone know how to play Twister?"
They all shook their heads.
Xellos smiled. "Well look here, I seem to have found a book about how to play twister! Aren't we lucky?" He pulled a a book out of his pants.
Zelgadis glared at Xellos. "Very."
Xellos giggled, hair still in pigtails, but in boys pjs that said "SORE WA HIMITSU DESU" all over them. He spread out the Twister mat.
"Okay, we can only have 4 at a time on the mat. I'll be the caller and...."
He surveyed the scene. Martina and Zangulus were getting their mack on in the corner.
"Okay, Lina-san, Gourry-san, Zelgadis-san, and Amelia-san, you all get to play first!" He said cheerfully.
"WHAT ABOUT ME?" Filia demamnded angrily.
He smiled. "Selfish dragons don't get to
(Pyralis)
live. So I'm going to kill you for a little bit, k?" He waved his pinkie and Filia died.
"Dammit!!!!!!!!!!" ded Filia cried. "Namagomi! That's just like an evil Mazoku, just killing off things that annoy them. Well I'll have you know that blah blah blah blah..."
While Filia mumbled on, Xellos raised an eyebrow. Then, since Pyralis couldn't think of anything else to write, the eyebrow jumped off of Xellos' head and landed in Filia's mouth. Filia swallowed it and started choking on it. Then she died again.
"Okaaaaaaaaaay," said Xellos minus eyebrow. "Now that we don't have to worry about HER anymore..."
Then, ded twice Filia jumped up. She yelled some incoherent stuff, and then she ran into the bathroom.
"Um." said Gourry. "What's a bathroom?"
"ASSHOLE!" Lina screamed. "You're breaking the fourth wall! You couldn't HEAR that happen, the author was ExPLAINING it."
"Oh." said Gourry. "What---"
"LEFT HAND GREEN@@!!$#$" Xellos screamed.
As if by fate, or by the scheming mind of the author, Amelia and Zel *accidentally* put their hand on the same spot. Their hands brushed together ever so softly... Amelia's cheeks turned pink. She could feel Zel's cold, stony flesh on hers. How she had hoped, YEARNED for the day that she played Twister with him. Her breath quickened as she looked into Zel's eyes. "Zel... Zelgadis-san! I..."
"Amelia..." Zel blushed. His palms sweated as he felt Amelia's soft skin. He slowly lifted his head and---
"WAIT A MINUTE!!" Gourry yelled. "Can rocks blush?!"
"GOURRY!!!" Lina screamed. "STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL, OR I'LL THROW
(Estella)
UP!!!"
Gourry turned green. "Ew... geez Lina, you are totally disgusting."
Lina growled angrily and slapped him hard on the back, causing him to hit the ground.
"Gourry's out!" Xellos said.
Gourry grumbled and got up off the Twister mat.
This game is mine... Lina thought.
"HA HAHAHAHAHAHA!" She laughed evilly.
"Uhh... Lina-san.... what's so funny?" Amelia asked.
"MY ASS, THAT'S WHAT!"
Gourry laughed. "You're right, it is pretty fu-"
"FIREBALL!!!!!!!"
"RIGHT FOOT YELLOW!!!!!!" Xellos screamed over the chaos.
Lina and Zelgadis both moved their right feet to the same yellow spot. Lina stomped on his foot as hard as she could.
"OW!!!!" She yelled in pain. She forgot he was made of rock.
"Serves you right." Zel said.
"THAT'S IT! I AM GOING TO WIN THIS DAMN GAME IF IT'S THE LAST I DO!" Lina stood up and pushed Zelgadis and Amelia over, and then did a victory dance.
"Wooo!! I won I won I WON!"
Everyone looked at her and
(Pyralis)
died.
"Ohhhhhhhhhh, not this agaiiiiiiiiin!!!" Lina cried. "PLEEEEEEEASE!"
"Hahahahhaa, just kidding!" Amelia got up and started dancing the Macarena.
Then, Zelgadis stood up and in his vibrato-crispy voice, he sang "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY MACARENA!"
Then, Gourry stood up. "Hey Lina," he said.
"BEFORE YOU ASK, POACHED EGGS FOR BRAINS, THE MACARENA IS A---"
Suddenly, Gourry grabbed Lina midsentence and gave her a passionate kiss.
Then, he turned black, grew some dred-locks, and got some black glasses. He sat down at a big piano and sang, a la Stevie Wonder: "I just callled...... to say.. I love you!"
"Huh?" Lina said, still dazed by the kiss.
"Wait." Gourry turned back into himself. "Lina, who's Stevie Wonder?"
"Oh, you idiot." Lina sighed. She wasn't as into it this time, beause all of the sudden, it was THAT TIME OF THE MONTH.
Suddenly, the room fell silent.
*cue Twilight Zone theme*
893048923890938423 minutes passed.
A green alien walked by.
Xellos sprouted a bunch of legs out of his head.
God suddenly liked Pyralis.
Then he got bored, and he stopped liking her.
And suddenly, Gourry said... "Lina.... what's 'THAT TIME OF THE MONTH?'"
"Gourry, it's the day of the month where I spank your
(Estella)
monkey paw! Now can we PLEASE get on with this sleepover?"
"What's up next, Lina-san?" Xellos asked.
"How about that smore stuff, Lina?" Gourry looked VERY INTERESTED in having a smore..... if you know what I'm saying!
"Sounds like a good idea. First we need a fire. FIREBALL!" Lina yelled, and set the room on fire. "Now, you.... um... you... actually, I don't know, I just know there is fire involved."
Amelia screamed. "NOW WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? WE'LL BURN TO DEATH!"
"I'll save us!" Zelgadis yelled. "Everyone knows that rocks put out fires!" He began rolling around in the fire, only to get him self caught on fire!
"Everybody ROCK YOUR BODY!" Gourry sang.
"HELP!" Zelgadis yelled, but it was too late.... the fire burnt him to a crisp.
Lina looked out the window and noticed the sun rising.
"It's already morning? Wow, we wasted the entire night
(Pyralis) in Hell!"
Now, normally, that would just be a figure of speech, but....
"No, Lina-san. That isn't the sun. It seems that Filia-san got bored with herself, so she decided to fly off into the night."
"Wow." said Gourry. "Golden dragons sure do have large as--"
"LEFT FOOT RED!@!!!!!" Xellos screamed.
"Xellos-san," Amelia giggled. "That won't work this time, we aren't playing Twister anymore!"
"No, I really mean it this time, Amelia-san. LOOK AT YOUR FEET!!" Xellos pointed at her feet with his staff.
Amelia looked down at her left foot. It was being consumed by flames!!!
"Oh, nooooo!" Amelia cried. "Somebody save me!"
"Wellll......" Gourry scratched his head. "I would, but I'm Lina's protector, not yours. So I guess I'll see you later."
"Yeah." Lina waved. "We're gonna go have some nice sex, come get us when you're ready to get on with the party."
"LINA-SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN@@!!!" Amelia screamed.
Xellos just stood there, you know, not looking at her.
Martina and Zangulus had once been there, but they had been getting their mack on for so long, that they were eternally trapped in a big lake of drool.
So the only person left was....
To be Continued...