8.
"Vaughn?" Her voice, though feeble is calling out to me and I cannot get to her side fast enough. I leave Jack in the corridor.
She is not hurt; she is not sad; she is not lonely. She just wanted to be with me.
"What is it sweetie?" I tuck her hair behind her ear and smile lovingly into her eyes. I can't believe that I'm finally allowed to do that. I can't believe that I am finally free to tell Sydney that I love her and that I will take care of her forever. That I don't need a reason to look into her eyes or to touch her face.
She wraps her hands around mine and brings it to her lips and softly kisses it. "Tell me about us."
For a moment I am confused, unsure of what she is asking. "Tell you about us? What do you mean?" I am scared, thinking that she has forgotten our history and, in the process, has forgotten our love.
"Tell me about us. Our future together. Tell me everything. I want to soak it in, I want to know what's going to happen and revel in it. I want to see everything you say flash in front of my eyes. And when you are done, I want you to keep talking so that I can fall asleep to the sound of your voice."
Her eyes are smiling at me and I have no choice but to smile back. I sit on the bed but Sydney motions for me to lay back down with her. "I want to be close to you when you say it. It feels more real."
I lay next to her.
Softly I stroke her face. "We are going to be so happy," I whisper to her. "We are going to have a beautiful and cozy house with a big garden and trees-"
"And children," she supplies.
"Of course. How could I forget our children?"
"Because you always focus on their mother too much," she says to me grinning. "We'll have three. Two girls and a boy."
"And the girls will look exactly like you and the boy with look like me."
"Of course. And they will have my witty humor, your health, our intelligence, and our luck with love." She is smiling, so happy now and I cannot believe her frame of mind. Is she really so unbelievably selfless that she thinks that we are lucky? Yes, I know that we are lucky to have found each other and, in the process, our hearts. But the love I feel comes paired with an agony that is hard to move past.
"Sure they will. And they will never fight with each other and every morning they will know that they live in a family that loves every one in it because I will kiss you and the kids good morning and good bye every day when I leave. And I'll always be home for dinner."
"6:30 sharp."
"I wouldn't miss it for the world."
"Of course you wouldn't. I would make up a menu and rotate favorite dishes for everyone. No one would ever cry or get angry. Everything will be perfect."
"And then our children will grow up, get good jobs, have happy families-"
"And we will be together again." There is a touch of sadness at her voice at the thought of her children leaving her.
"Is that such a bad thing?"
"No, no of course not. It's one of the best things. I will still be in love with you when I'm a hundred and six, Michael Vaughn. I am giving you my promise. I will love you until the day I die. We will be rocking in our chairs together, hand in hand, watching old people channels on TV. We may complain about the young people and their young music and their young way of life but I will never really mean it. As long as you are with me, I can bear anything."
I can't speak. She is so wonderful. We both know in our hearts that we are spinning fantasy but neither one of us wants to let go. We want to live in our words forever. We want to grow old together. I almost ask her to promise to live to be a hundred and six but I realize how childish that sounds and I close my mouth.
"God Sydney, I love you so much. You know that don't you?"
She smiles at me in her soft way and kisses my fingers. "Of course I do."
I cup her cheek in my hand and watch as she slowly closes her eyes. "I suppose this is the time you were talking about. When you told me to just talk so you could hear my voice. I don't really have that many thoughts going on in my head though. I only know that I love you and that phrase just keeps going around and around. Wow. I just realized how much in love with life I am. You didn't see it but the sky was so blue today. And the birds were chirping and the air was so fresh and warm. I would've liked to walk out there with you. Just walk, your hand in mine as we discuss anything. Sit in the shade of a tree, pack a picnic and just talk. I just. . . I want another chance. With you. I know you're sleeping but I still can't seem to shut up. When you are with me or around me, I just feel so full of energy that I want to burst. And then when I'm alone, I'm so alone." I pause, not knowing what I am saying, why I am saying it. I look at her and see tears coming out of her eyes. She wasn't sleeping.
"Syd, don't cry," I murmur, wiping the tear away.
"Vaughn I can't do any of those things for you. I can't walk with you in the park or pack a picnic. I can't have kids, I can't live in a house, I can't garden, I can't move, I can't function, I can't think, I don't know how the hell I'm supposed to get married and I can't believe that I will never be able to do anything with you but kiss you. I don't have energy.
" I don't have life."
"You have me. No matter what, you will always have me." My heart is breaking but I try to look brave for her sake. I wipe the tears away from her eyes. "You know I can't stand to see you cry. I'll do anything to make you feel better. Come on, Sydney, the last time I saw you cry, I went out and bought an engagement ring. I don't have anything else to offer you. Please say that you don't want anything else. I don't know what I can do to make you feel better."
She suddenly flings her arms around me and brings her forehead to my mine. Our tears mingle and drop together and we are so close that it is hard to tell where one of us ends and the other begins. Which is how it should be. "You don't have to give me anything else. You're right. I don't need anything. I have you. And that's all I need. I promise. I'm sorry."
And we just stay like that for a while.
(review~)
"Vaughn?" Her voice, though feeble is calling out to me and I cannot get to her side fast enough. I leave Jack in the corridor.
She is not hurt; she is not sad; she is not lonely. She just wanted to be with me.
"What is it sweetie?" I tuck her hair behind her ear and smile lovingly into her eyes. I can't believe that I'm finally allowed to do that. I can't believe that I am finally free to tell Sydney that I love her and that I will take care of her forever. That I don't need a reason to look into her eyes or to touch her face.
She wraps her hands around mine and brings it to her lips and softly kisses it. "Tell me about us."
For a moment I am confused, unsure of what she is asking. "Tell you about us? What do you mean?" I am scared, thinking that she has forgotten our history and, in the process, has forgotten our love.
"Tell me about us. Our future together. Tell me everything. I want to soak it in, I want to know what's going to happen and revel in it. I want to see everything you say flash in front of my eyes. And when you are done, I want you to keep talking so that I can fall asleep to the sound of your voice."
Her eyes are smiling at me and I have no choice but to smile back. I sit on the bed but Sydney motions for me to lay back down with her. "I want to be close to you when you say it. It feels more real."
I lay next to her.
Softly I stroke her face. "We are going to be so happy," I whisper to her. "We are going to have a beautiful and cozy house with a big garden and trees-"
"And children," she supplies.
"Of course. How could I forget our children?"
"Because you always focus on their mother too much," she says to me grinning. "We'll have three. Two girls and a boy."
"And the girls will look exactly like you and the boy with look like me."
"Of course. And they will have my witty humor, your health, our intelligence, and our luck with love." She is smiling, so happy now and I cannot believe her frame of mind. Is she really so unbelievably selfless that she thinks that we are lucky? Yes, I know that we are lucky to have found each other and, in the process, our hearts. But the love I feel comes paired with an agony that is hard to move past.
"Sure they will. And they will never fight with each other and every morning they will know that they live in a family that loves every one in it because I will kiss you and the kids good morning and good bye every day when I leave. And I'll always be home for dinner."
"6:30 sharp."
"I wouldn't miss it for the world."
"Of course you wouldn't. I would make up a menu and rotate favorite dishes for everyone. No one would ever cry or get angry. Everything will be perfect."
"And then our children will grow up, get good jobs, have happy families-"
"And we will be together again." There is a touch of sadness at her voice at the thought of her children leaving her.
"Is that such a bad thing?"
"No, no of course not. It's one of the best things. I will still be in love with you when I'm a hundred and six, Michael Vaughn. I am giving you my promise. I will love you until the day I die. We will be rocking in our chairs together, hand in hand, watching old people channels on TV. We may complain about the young people and their young music and their young way of life but I will never really mean it. As long as you are with me, I can bear anything."
I can't speak. She is so wonderful. We both know in our hearts that we are spinning fantasy but neither one of us wants to let go. We want to live in our words forever. We want to grow old together. I almost ask her to promise to live to be a hundred and six but I realize how childish that sounds and I close my mouth.
"God Sydney, I love you so much. You know that don't you?"
She smiles at me in her soft way and kisses my fingers. "Of course I do."
I cup her cheek in my hand and watch as she slowly closes her eyes. "I suppose this is the time you were talking about. When you told me to just talk so you could hear my voice. I don't really have that many thoughts going on in my head though. I only know that I love you and that phrase just keeps going around and around. Wow. I just realized how much in love with life I am. You didn't see it but the sky was so blue today. And the birds were chirping and the air was so fresh and warm. I would've liked to walk out there with you. Just walk, your hand in mine as we discuss anything. Sit in the shade of a tree, pack a picnic and just talk. I just. . . I want another chance. With you. I know you're sleeping but I still can't seem to shut up. When you are with me or around me, I just feel so full of energy that I want to burst. And then when I'm alone, I'm so alone." I pause, not knowing what I am saying, why I am saying it. I look at her and see tears coming out of her eyes. She wasn't sleeping.
"Syd, don't cry," I murmur, wiping the tear away.
"Vaughn I can't do any of those things for you. I can't walk with you in the park or pack a picnic. I can't have kids, I can't live in a house, I can't garden, I can't move, I can't function, I can't think, I don't know how the hell I'm supposed to get married and I can't believe that I will never be able to do anything with you but kiss you. I don't have energy.
" I don't have life."
"You have me. No matter what, you will always have me." My heart is breaking but I try to look brave for her sake. I wipe the tears away from her eyes. "You know I can't stand to see you cry. I'll do anything to make you feel better. Come on, Sydney, the last time I saw you cry, I went out and bought an engagement ring. I don't have anything else to offer you. Please say that you don't want anything else. I don't know what I can do to make you feel better."
She suddenly flings her arms around me and brings her forehead to my mine. Our tears mingle and drop together and we are so close that it is hard to tell where one of us ends and the other begins. Which is how it should be. "You don't have to give me anything else. You're right. I don't need anything. I have you. And that's all I need. I promise. I'm sorry."
And we just stay like that for a while.
(review~)