10.
And afterwards, we come home and sit on the couch watching some movie. Don't ask me to tell you which movie it was. I can't tell you. I am too busy watching her.
She lays in my arms, leaning on my chest, legs stretched out and over mine, my arms around her. She smiles softly at the screen, that kind of smile that you smile when you are happy and just can't stop yourself. The kind where you don't even realize you are smiling until someone points it out.
I am not a stranger to that kind of smile. I smile like that every time I look at her. The man on the screen has said something particularly romantic and she lets out a huge sigh and completely melts into me. She tilts her head up and smiles. "Wasn't that beautiful?"
I nod and grin at her and lay my chin on top of her head. I wish we could stay like this forever; if I could I would just freeze time right now and spend my eternity entangled with Sydney Bristow.
The phone rings. Sydney gives me a look but complacently extricates herself from my grasp and hands me the phone.
"Vaughn."
"Michael Vaughn, what the hell do you think you are doing?"
I nearly jump out of my skin I'm suddenly so scared. "Jack. . . er Agent Bristow. What am I doing?"
"How dare you take her out of the hospital? Don't you realize that you have taken her out of the best hospital in the country? I realize that you two are engaged and I accept that but do not take liberties. I am still her father and you would do well to remember that."
I try to talk but there are no words. Only weird sounds coming out. Strangled noises that sound like "Aghu-dku-kfno-bleh". Thankfully Sydney takes the phone from my hand before my mind makes up an entirely new language.
"Dad, leave him alone. I practically forced him to do this. I'm not getting any better in that place. I feel like I'm slowly choking. I want to do this. Please just let me have my happiness. Please, daddy."
Jack says something.
"I know what I'm doing. I promise. And Vaughn is experienced in the looking- out-for-me department. I swear; he even made me promise to come back the minute something went wrong. I'm fine. I feel better than I have the past year."
There are a few more lines of conversation. "Okay, I love you too. I'll see you soon. Thanks for trusting my decision daddy; yes I'll keep him in line. Okay. Okay."
She smiles and hangs up. "You've just got to know how to handle him," she says with a smirk.
I take her back into my arms. "The only person I'm interested in knowing how to handle is you."
She laughs and kisses me.
And the world is beautiful again.
It's amazing how easy things have become between us. We truly love each other. We kiss each other any time we want. And it's all one smooth, easy road. So far.
She's rubbing her fingers over my hands. "Why aren't you paying attention to the movie?"
"I should think that the answer is obvious." My eyes are stuck to her. The pieces are finally coming together. I am finally holding the right person.
"Shhh," she whispers and places a hand on my cheek, pointing my face towards the screen. "Watch the movie."
I smile and listen to her. It's enough that she's lying next to me.
~:~
The movie is over and I have to admit that it was romantic. I would've kissed Sydney forever if she hadn't been so curious about how it ended. She got up and started cleaning up, moving aside papers and bringing out cookies.
"Sydney, what are you doing?"
"Cleaning up."
"You really don't have to do that Syd, I don't care about the house."
"Yes I do. And I care. My father's coming over."
"What?"
"Well, he invited himself and I didn't want to fight. And I want him to see how happy I am with you. How energized you make me feel." She gives me a small smile and I remember that she is sick. Everything isn't perfect. Nothing is.
"Okay." I walk over to her and we hug each other, standing still for a couple minutes before she goes back to the kitchen.
And that is how every minute feels. Every second is slow, full of meaning, full of the knowledge that it could be the last. So they are not wasted talking or fighting. Most of it is just making sure that we are content being with each other.
It's like that boy who took a vow of silence for a year so that he could fully understand the beauty of everything around him. That's how I feel about Sydney. Except her beauty is staring me right in the face and I couldn't miss it if I tried. I don't need to take a vow of silence; all my senses are already overwhelmed by the sight, sound, and feel of her.
And then Jack is at the door.
The doorbell rings and Sydney answers.
"Hello Sydney," he says. And despite his formal words, he manages to sound paternal and. . . well, almost sweet.
"Hi Dad." Her smile is huge and I can tell that it has not escaped his notice. He looks at me, a question in his eyes.
"Does he really make you this happy? I haven't heard you speak so much in a day for the past year. Especially that phone call."
She kissed his cheek. "He does. He really really does. I have never been happier, I want you to know that."
Jack hugs her. "All right. I know now." And he thanks me with his eyes; and I get the message. How could I not? He already told me today.
This day has felt like ten thousand years. Somehow, all the meaning of my life has managed to be brought together in one day. I know which day I will live over if I ever get the chance.
Jack is staying with us for a few weeks. Sydney doesn't mind so I don't either. He is still working for SD-6 but he's taking a few weeks off for vacation and Sloane has been more lenient that he has ever been.
~:~
I'm sleeping. That warm, comfortable blackness is surrounding me and I feel completely safe knowing that I could wake up at any moment and find Sydney in my arms. I haven't slept this well for years. I can smell Sydney from here. I can hear her soft breathing and I can feel her hand lying on my chest.
So this is utter happiness.
I'm sleeping. Totally resting and basking in the glory that is her. Everything is inky around me, inky black, showing a smoothness that never seems to be present in life.
In my sleep, I slightly tighten my grasp on her, making sure that she is real and not a mere figment of my imagination. After all that has happened today, I could die. I would die if I woke to empty arms.
The best day of my life. I see her, I propose, she accepts, we kiss, I sleep. Sleep.
:::::
"Sydney, I love you so much."
"Don't say that to me anymore Vaughn."
"What? Why not?"
"Because you are only hurting yourself when you say it. And I know that I can't do anything about it. So every time you say it, it just makes me remember everything I'm leaving behind and everything that you want that you can't have."
"Sydney, what are you saying?" I am completely bewildered by her words. She said she loved me. She does love me. Did love me. How can she change so much so soon? How can she have a face of stone when she looks at me when I can't hide any emotion from her?
"I'm saying that this isn't happening. I'm not even here. I'm gone already. Don't you see? I'm gone. And you can't find me."
And then she really starts to disappear, so slowly that I almost can't tell whether she is or if it is just a figment of my imagination. But when I start to see the sky behind her shine through, that's when I know she is truly leaving me.
And it hurts. "Don't go Syd," I reach out my hand but it passes through her. Completely.
"Didn't I tell you? Didn't I tell you that this was going to hurt you? Didn't I tell you to leave? Didn't I tell you not to love me?" She is trying to remain strong but she begins to cry.
"You're crying."
"No I'm not. You're crying."
And I am. I am crying and the hurt is flashing through my body like flashes of lightning.
"You're crying and I'm dying. That's the difference. I'm already dead. Gone. You can't see me anymore."
She's gone. She is truly gone. "No," I whisper. But there is no one in front of me. The sun is shining and the sky is blue, almost taunting me. I didn't think life could go on without Sydney. How can everything remain beautiful once she is gone? "No. You're not gone."
But she is.
She really is.
I'm talking to no one. I'm talking to myself.
:::
I open my eyes, shock and fright filling my senses and blinding me. I move my arm, hopping with all my heart that I will come in contact with a warm body, that I will find Sydney by my side.
When I do, I feel as if the world is being lifted off my shoulders. All the fear leaves, leaving me only with an armful of Sydney. I sigh.
"Don't worry. I'm still here," she whispers. How is it possible that she knows exactly what I'm feeling? That she knows exactly what I need her to say?
"Thank God. Thank you. I need you with me," I mumble into her hair. And I see her expression falter and I know that she is thinking about when she won't be able to be with me anymore even though I will need her still. Maybe even more than ever.
But she says nothing. She merely keeps her arms around me and lets me comfort myself with her presence. She knows me.
"I'm so glad you're here."
She smiles at me, bringing sunlight back into the room. "I'm so glad I'm here too."
TBC
~ review review review
~review review review
~And just in case you missed the other six: review review review
~Merry Christmas/ Happy Winter + other holidays to you guys~
~Jenn
And afterwards, we come home and sit on the couch watching some movie. Don't ask me to tell you which movie it was. I can't tell you. I am too busy watching her.
She lays in my arms, leaning on my chest, legs stretched out and over mine, my arms around her. She smiles softly at the screen, that kind of smile that you smile when you are happy and just can't stop yourself. The kind where you don't even realize you are smiling until someone points it out.
I am not a stranger to that kind of smile. I smile like that every time I look at her. The man on the screen has said something particularly romantic and she lets out a huge sigh and completely melts into me. She tilts her head up and smiles. "Wasn't that beautiful?"
I nod and grin at her and lay my chin on top of her head. I wish we could stay like this forever; if I could I would just freeze time right now and spend my eternity entangled with Sydney Bristow.
The phone rings. Sydney gives me a look but complacently extricates herself from my grasp and hands me the phone.
"Vaughn."
"Michael Vaughn, what the hell do you think you are doing?"
I nearly jump out of my skin I'm suddenly so scared. "Jack. . . er Agent Bristow. What am I doing?"
"How dare you take her out of the hospital? Don't you realize that you have taken her out of the best hospital in the country? I realize that you two are engaged and I accept that but do not take liberties. I am still her father and you would do well to remember that."
I try to talk but there are no words. Only weird sounds coming out. Strangled noises that sound like "Aghu-dku-kfno-bleh". Thankfully Sydney takes the phone from my hand before my mind makes up an entirely new language.
"Dad, leave him alone. I practically forced him to do this. I'm not getting any better in that place. I feel like I'm slowly choking. I want to do this. Please just let me have my happiness. Please, daddy."
Jack says something.
"I know what I'm doing. I promise. And Vaughn is experienced in the looking- out-for-me department. I swear; he even made me promise to come back the minute something went wrong. I'm fine. I feel better than I have the past year."
There are a few more lines of conversation. "Okay, I love you too. I'll see you soon. Thanks for trusting my decision daddy; yes I'll keep him in line. Okay. Okay."
She smiles and hangs up. "You've just got to know how to handle him," she says with a smirk.
I take her back into my arms. "The only person I'm interested in knowing how to handle is you."
She laughs and kisses me.
And the world is beautiful again.
It's amazing how easy things have become between us. We truly love each other. We kiss each other any time we want. And it's all one smooth, easy road. So far.
She's rubbing her fingers over my hands. "Why aren't you paying attention to the movie?"
"I should think that the answer is obvious." My eyes are stuck to her. The pieces are finally coming together. I am finally holding the right person.
"Shhh," she whispers and places a hand on my cheek, pointing my face towards the screen. "Watch the movie."
I smile and listen to her. It's enough that she's lying next to me.
~:~
The movie is over and I have to admit that it was romantic. I would've kissed Sydney forever if she hadn't been so curious about how it ended. She got up and started cleaning up, moving aside papers and bringing out cookies.
"Sydney, what are you doing?"
"Cleaning up."
"You really don't have to do that Syd, I don't care about the house."
"Yes I do. And I care. My father's coming over."
"What?"
"Well, he invited himself and I didn't want to fight. And I want him to see how happy I am with you. How energized you make me feel." She gives me a small smile and I remember that she is sick. Everything isn't perfect. Nothing is.
"Okay." I walk over to her and we hug each other, standing still for a couple minutes before she goes back to the kitchen.
And that is how every minute feels. Every second is slow, full of meaning, full of the knowledge that it could be the last. So they are not wasted talking or fighting. Most of it is just making sure that we are content being with each other.
It's like that boy who took a vow of silence for a year so that he could fully understand the beauty of everything around him. That's how I feel about Sydney. Except her beauty is staring me right in the face and I couldn't miss it if I tried. I don't need to take a vow of silence; all my senses are already overwhelmed by the sight, sound, and feel of her.
And then Jack is at the door.
The doorbell rings and Sydney answers.
"Hello Sydney," he says. And despite his formal words, he manages to sound paternal and. . . well, almost sweet.
"Hi Dad." Her smile is huge and I can tell that it has not escaped his notice. He looks at me, a question in his eyes.
"Does he really make you this happy? I haven't heard you speak so much in a day for the past year. Especially that phone call."
She kissed his cheek. "He does. He really really does. I have never been happier, I want you to know that."
Jack hugs her. "All right. I know now." And he thanks me with his eyes; and I get the message. How could I not? He already told me today.
This day has felt like ten thousand years. Somehow, all the meaning of my life has managed to be brought together in one day. I know which day I will live over if I ever get the chance.
Jack is staying with us for a few weeks. Sydney doesn't mind so I don't either. He is still working for SD-6 but he's taking a few weeks off for vacation and Sloane has been more lenient that he has ever been.
~:~
I'm sleeping. That warm, comfortable blackness is surrounding me and I feel completely safe knowing that I could wake up at any moment and find Sydney in my arms. I haven't slept this well for years. I can smell Sydney from here. I can hear her soft breathing and I can feel her hand lying on my chest.
So this is utter happiness.
I'm sleeping. Totally resting and basking in the glory that is her. Everything is inky around me, inky black, showing a smoothness that never seems to be present in life.
In my sleep, I slightly tighten my grasp on her, making sure that she is real and not a mere figment of my imagination. After all that has happened today, I could die. I would die if I woke to empty arms.
The best day of my life. I see her, I propose, she accepts, we kiss, I sleep. Sleep.
:::::
"Sydney, I love you so much."
"Don't say that to me anymore Vaughn."
"What? Why not?"
"Because you are only hurting yourself when you say it. And I know that I can't do anything about it. So every time you say it, it just makes me remember everything I'm leaving behind and everything that you want that you can't have."
"Sydney, what are you saying?" I am completely bewildered by her words. She said she loved me. She does love me. Did love me. How can she change so much so soon? How can she have a face of stone when she looks at me when I can't hide any emotion from her?
"I'm saying that this isn't happening. I'm not even here. I'm gone already. Don't you see? I'm gone. And you can't find me."
And then she really starts to disappear, so slowly that I almost can't tell whether she is or if it is just a figment of my imagination. But when I start to see the sky behind her shine through, that's when I know she is truly leaving me.
And it hurts. "Don't go Syd," I reach out my hand but it passes through her. Completely.
"Didn't I tell you? Didn't I tell you that this was going to hurt you? Didn't I tell you to leave? Didn't I tell you not to love me?" She is trying to remain strong but she begins to cry.
"You're crying."
"No I'm not. You're crying."
And I am. I am crying and the hurt is flashing through my body like flashes of lightning.
"You're crying and I'm dying. That's the difference. I'm already dead. Gone. You can't see me anymore."
She's gone. She is truly gone. "No," I whisper. But there is no one in front of me. The sun is shining and the sky is blue, almost taunting me. I didn't think life could go on without Sydney. How can everything remain beautiful once she is gone? "No. You're not gone."
But she is.
She really is.
I'm talking to no one. I'm talking to myself.
:::
I open my eyes, shock and fright filling my senses and blinding me. I move my arm, hopping with all my heart that I will come in contact with a warm body, that I will find Sydney by my side.
When I do, I feel as if the world is being lifted off my shoulders. All the fear leaves, leaving me only with an armful of Sydney. I sigh.
"Don't worry. I'm still here," she whispers. How is it possible that she knows exactly what I'm feeling? That she knows exactly what I need her to say?
"Thank God. Thank you. I need you with me," I mumble into her hair. And I see her expression falter and I know that she is thinking about when she won't be able to be with me anymore even though I will need her still. Maybe even more than ever.
But she says nothing. She merely keeps her arms around me and lets me comfort myself with her presence. She knows me.
"I'm so glad you're here."
She smiles at me, bringing sunlight back into the room. "I'm so glad I'm here too."
TBC
~ review review review
~review review review
~And just in case you missed the other six: review review review
~Merry Christmas/ Happy Winter + other holidays to you guys~
~Jenn