11.
The sand feels really good under our feet. It's almost sunset so it isn't hot. Just cool. And dry. . . but not too dry. Perfect sand. We're just walking on the beach, watching the waves roll in the distance and letting the wind blowing us in new directions.
Our hands are clasped together and we're just walking. And everything is smooth and calm and nothing is weird between us. There's silence but it's easy. Comfortable. We know how we feel about each other and there's no strain. No need to talk. Just to be.
I smile at her. Her hair is blowing in the wind, going absolutely crazy and flying into her face. I softly brush it away, silently gasping as it comes into view. I find myself doing that a lot lately. Gasping at the sight of her. The sound of her, the smell. She's just too amazing not to acknowledge.
"Michael," Her voice brings me to realization.
"Hmm?"
"Thank you."
And that's our conversation. I close my eyes and feel the breeze rushing past me and I pull Sydney a little close. I feel her slip an arm around my waist and I smile.
"Your welcome."
"So, we've done the picnic in the park and the walks on the beach. What's next on our to-do list?"
"So now it's a list? I thought we were doing what we wanted to do."
"Not all lists are bad. They keep life organized."
"All right. Well, I was thinking. . ." I pulled my bag from her shoulders.
She looks at me, a question in her eyes. "What was I carrying anyway?"
"You'll see. You know, I don't even understand why you wanted to carry it."
" I was hoping that if you couldn't tell me what it was, I would be able to guess. You know. Bigger than a bread box or something." She smiled at me.
"I see. How devious of you."
"Well I did use to be a spy."
"Oh really now?"
"Yes. Really. But then they fired me because I couldn't do anything anymore." I look at her. I don't know why she is saying this. But I know that she's feeling sad now. She does that from time to time. Misses what she used to be. And then she fails to recognize what she is now.
I pull out the blanket.
"We're sleeping on the beach?"
"No. We're watching the sunset."
She sits on the blanket and I set up "camp". There's wood and branches all over this beach and it's high time that we used them for something. So I start a little fire and everything's warm and the waters boiling and there's pointy sticks for marshmallows and there's Sydney on the blanket so I'm happy. But when I turn to her, I see that she isn't.
I sit down next to her, slipping an arm around her shoulders.
"I used to be amazing. I know that I'm bragging or exaggerating but looking at what I am now and then thinking back. . ." A gentle breeze blew a strand of hair into her face. "I was amazing then and I didn't even know it. I was never thankful. I just blamed everything. I was smart and- and functional and I took it for granted."
She closed her eyes, trying to stop me from seeing the pain. "And those last six months, Vaughn. I knew I loved you and that you loved me back and I was thankful then. But it was already too late. You were my guardian angel. I loved you so much. I still love you now but then. . . it was still so magical. Almost impossible that we could love each other and be so perfect. So ironic that we had all those restrictions stopping us."
I kiss her forehead, not knowing how else to make her feel better. "Were you so much happier then?"
She pauses. "No. I was better then but I wasn't happier. I didn't have you. But see, I'm blaming myself for not being thankful. But I haven't changed. Things could be worse. I might still be in that hospital. I could be alone. I could be dead already. But I'm not. I'm on a blanket, toasting marshmallows, waiting for hot cocoa and watching the sun set with the love of my life. And for that I'm thankful." She smiles. Suddenly peaceful.
"Are you okay, Syd?"
"Yeah. Just tired."
"Don't get too tired. Because after we get married, there will still be that garden to plant you know."
She smiles, still keeping her eyes closed. I wrap the blanket around her as the breeze picks up.
"Our wedding. Doesn't that sound marvelous?"
"Beautiful."
"Let's have a small wedding. On the beach. Here. And we'll only invite your family, my father, and Will and Francie and Weiss. Let's make it small. And the wind could blow just like this and my dress will be floating everywhere."
I laugh. "Okay, I'll write a letter to the wind god tonight." And I turn serious again. "You can have whatever you want."
"I wish I could freeze time. Wouldn't this be a great moment to freeze?"
"Mmhmm," I say, handing her her hot chocolate.
"Look, it's setting."
The sky is every single color imaginable. Shot with blues and pinks and oranges and purples and even some green.
"Oh Michael, it's so beautiful."
"Almost as beautiful as you."
"I'm not beautiful. Not anymore."
I look at her. "I don't understand why you feel so defeated. I thought you wanted to live out your life being happy?"
Sydney closed her eyes. "I know. I do. But I just. . . I can't help it. I'm just telling you the truth. Forget I said that. Let's just enjoy this. I'm ruining everything." And tears start to fall out of her eyes.
"Oh honey, don't say that. You're not ruining anything. You are so beautiful, can't you see it? You can never be ugly. Not to me or anyone. This is all for you. For us."
She looked at me, eyes brimming. "You make me beautiful Michael. Without you, I don't even know where I would be."
She brings her arms around me and hugs me with a strength I didn't know she possessed. "I love you, you know. No matter what I say or do, I will always love you more than anything."
I smile and hug her back as the last rays of sun die down. "I love you too."
Review~
Jenn
I'm estimating that there will be 3 or 4 chapters left so. . . yeah.
The sand feels really good under our feet. It's almost sunset so it isn't hot. Just cool. And dry. . . but not too dry. Perfect sand. We're just walking on the beach, watching the waves roll in the distance and letting the wind blowing us in new directions.
Our hands are clasped together and we're just walking. And everything is smooth and calm and nothing is weird between us. There's silence but it's easy. Comfortable. We know how we feel about each other and there's no strain. No need to talk. Just to be.
I smile at her. Her hair is blowing in the wind, going absolutely crazy and flying into her face. I softly brush it away, silently gasping as it comes into view. I find myself doing that a lot lately. Gasping at the sight of her. The sound of her, the smell. She's just too amazing not to acknowledge.
"Michael," Her voice brings me to realization.
"Hmm?"
"Thank you."
And that's our conversation. I close my eyes and feel the breeze rushing past me and I pull Sydney a little close. I feel her slip an arm around my waist and I smile.
"Your welcome."
"So, we've done the picnic in the park and the walks on the beach. What's next on our to-do list?"
"So now it's a list? I thought we were doing what we wanted to do."
"Not all lists are bad. They keep life organized."
"All right. Well, I was thinking. . ." I pulled my bag from her shoulders.
She looks at me, a question in her eyes. "What was I carrying anyway?"
"You'll see. You know, I don't even understand why you wanted to carry it."
" I was hoping that if you couldn't tell me what it was, I would be able to guess. You know. Bigger than a bread box or something." She smiled at me.
"I see. How devious of you."
"Well I did use to be a spy."
"Oh really now?"
"Yes. Really. But then they fired me because I couldn't do anything anymore." I look at her. I don't know why she is saying this. But I know that she's feeling sad now. She does that from time to time. Misses what she used to be. And then she fails to recognize what she is now.
I pull out the blanket.
"We're sleeping on the beach?"
"No. We're watching the sunset."
She sits on the blanket and I set up "camp". There's wood and branches all over this beach and it's high time that we used them for something. So I start a little fire and everything's warm and the waters boiling and there's pointy sticks for marshmallows and there's Sydney on the blanket so I'm happy. But when I turn to her, I see that she isn't.
I sit down next to her, slipping an arm around her shoulders.
"I used to be amazing. I know that I'm bragging or exaggerating but looking at what I am now and then thinking back. . ." A gentle breeze blew a strand of hair into her face. "I was amazing then and I didn't even know it. I was never thankful. I just blamed everything. I was smart and- and functional and I took it for granted."
She closed her eyes, trying to stop me from seeing the pain. "And those last six months, Vaughn. I knew I loved you and that you loved me back and I was thankful then. But it was already too late. You were my guardian angel. I loved you so much. I still love you now but then. . . it was still so magical. Almost impossible that we could love each other and be so perfect. So ironic that we had all those restrictions stopping us."
I kiss her forehead, not knowing how else to make her feel better. "Were you so much happier then?"
She pauses. "No. I was better then but I wasn't happier. I didn't have you. But see, I'm blaming myself for not being thankful. But I haven't changed. Things could be worse. I might still be in that hospital. I could be alone. I could be dead already. But I'm not. I'm on a blanket, toasting marshmallows, waiting for hot cocoa and watching the sun set with the love of my life. And for that I'm thankful." She smiles. Suddenly peaceful.
"Are you okay, Syd?"
"Yeah. Just tired."
"Don't get too tired. Because after we get married, there will still be that garden to plant you know."
She smiles, still keeping her eyes closed. I wrap the blanket around her as the breeze picks up.
"Our wedding. Doesn't that sound marvelous?"
"Beautiful."
"Let's have a small wedding. On the beach. Here. And we'll only invite your family, my father, and Will and Francie and Weiss. Let's make it small. And the wind could blow just like this and my dress will be floating everywhere."
I laugh. "Okay, I'll write a letter to the wind god tonight." And I turn serious again. "You can have whatever you want."
"I wish I could freeze time. Wouldn't this be a great moment to freeze?"
"Mmhmm," I say, handing her her hot chocolate.
"Look, it's setting."
The sky is every single color imaginable. Shot with blues and pinks and oranges and purples and even some green.
"Oh Michael, it's so beautiful."
"Almost as beautiful as you."
"I'm not beautiful. Not anymore."
I look at her. "I don't understand why you feel so defeated. I thought you wanted to live out your life being happy?"
Sydney closed her eyes. "I know. I do. But I just. . . I can't help it. I'm just telling you the truth. Forget I said that. Let's just enjoy this. I'm ruining everything." And tears start to fall out of her eyes.
"Oh honey, don't say that. You're not ruining anything. You are so beautiful, can't you see it? You can never be ugly. Not to me or anyone. This is all for you. For us."
She looked at me, eyes brimming. "You make me beautiful Michael. Without you, I don't even know where I would be."
She brings her arms around me and hugs me with a strength I didn't know she possessed. "I love you, you know. No matter what I say or do, I will always love you more than anything."
I smile and hug her back as the last rays of sun die down. "I love you too."
Review~
Jenn
I'm estimating that there will be 3 or 4 chapters left so. . . yeah.