How To Write An LOTR Mary-Sue
Disclaimers and stuff : None of the characters belong to me, and Mary-Sue bears no resemblance to me whatsoever. Thanks to all who reviewed, you make me very happy! Thanks for correcting my French, I know it wasn't good and wasn't meant to be (as S A Rose suggested ~grin~).
Chapter 3. True Love (Take 3)
Mary-Sue and [insert character 2] embraced passionately among the dead bodies. His [insert body part] wandered along her [insert different body part] until it reached her huge (and boy, do I mean whopping huge massive) breasts. They kissed and kissed, and despite the rolling around on the floor, Mary-Sue managed to look beautiful and perfect.
Suddenly, there was a hoarse whisper from her lap.
« Mary Sue ? »
« [Insert character] ? » she gasped, « I thought you were dead ! »
[Insert character] sat up and pulled Mary-Sue into his arms. He pressed his lips against her perfect, cupids-bow lips. [Insert character 2] pushed [insert character] away, and seized Mary-Sue in his own arms. She gasped, not wanting to leave either of them.
« Back off [insert character], » [Insert character 2] snarled in a manly way, « Mary-Sue loves me, not you, you elf/man/hobbit/wizard/dwarf/balrog ! »
« How dare you, [insert character 2] ! » [Insert character] said, leaping up. « I shall fight you ! »
[Insert character 2] stood too, letting go of Mary-Sue. She fell to the ground, landing on her [insert body part] and bruising it slightly.
« Oh ! » she exclaimed, as her two true loves fought viciously in the clearing. Her eyes filled with tears as they slashed at each other with their knives/swords/bows/axes/staffs.
Soon it was all over as they killed each other. Mary-Sue ran over to where they lay, her cheeks streaked (beautifully of course) by her silvery tears. She knelt by their bodies.
« [Insert character] ? » she whispered. « [Insert character 2] ? »
There was no answer, as they were dead as coffin nails. Mary-Sue gave a cry and ran off into the woods. Her grief was more than any person's, and the tears flowed freely, but not smudging her mascara. In fact, she wasn't wearing any, as her looks were so perfect that she didn't need makeup.
She arrived some days later at Rivendell/Lothlorien/Minas Tirith/Mordor/Mirkwood/other, and secluded herself in her rooms. She saw nobody, and was too wrapped up her own own grief.
« My own dear loves are dead, » she moaned, still remaining beautiful in her ordeal.
: : : : : : : {Many years passing} : : : : : : :
Many years later, Mary-Sue was still in mourning. Little did she know, however, there was someone watching her. He had been smitten by her beauty, and was as love-lorn as she, but it was just as unrequited.
He was [insert character 3], a handsome elf/dwarf/man/wizard/orc/hobbit/other who could have had any [insert something] he wanted. However, all he wanted was Mary-Sue. One day, he decided to do something about it. He wrote a song, and sang it outside her window. It was, of course, to the tune of 'Peggy Sue' by Buddy Holly.
« If you knew Mary-Sue, then you'd know why I feel blue
About Mary, 'bout Mary-Sue
Oh, well, I love you gal, yes, I love you Mary-Sue
Mary-Sue, Mary-Sue, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, Mary-Sue
Oh, my Mary, my Mary-Sue
Oh, well, I love you gal, and I need you, Mary-Sue
I love you Mary-Sue, with a love so rare and true
Oh, Mary, My Mary-Sue
Oh, well, I love you gal, yes, I want you, Mary-Sue
Mary-Sue, Mary-Sue, Oh how my heart years for you
Oh, Ma-ha-ry, my Ma-ha-ry-Sue
Oh, well, I love you gal, and I need you, Mary-Sue
Oh, well, I love you gal, yes, I want you, Mary-Sue. »
Mary-Sue ran to her window, to see her serenader.
« [Insert character 3]! » she exclaimed, « do you love me truly ? »
« Ah, ma cherie, » [insert character 3] said romantically, « tu es mon lapin d'amour . »
He climbed up the trellis on which grew perfect red roses the colour of Mary-Sue's lips and [insert body part]. He kissed her passionately on those perfect lips.
They fell back onto her bed, and the rating climbed as they got.to know each other better.
Disclaimers and stuff : None of the characters belong to me, and Mary-Sue bears no resemblance to me whatsoever. Thanks to all who reviewed, you make me very happy! Thanks for correcting my French, I know it wasn't good and wasn't meant to be (as S A Rose suggested ~grin~).
Chapter 3. True Love (Take 3)
Mary-Sue and [insert character 2] embraced passionately among the dead bodies. His [insert body part] wandered along her [insert different body part] until it reached her huge (and boy, do I mean whopping huge massive) breasts. They kissed and kissed, and despite the rolling around on the floor, Mary-Sue managed to look beautiful and perfect.
Suddenly, there was a hoarse whisper from her lap.
« Mary Sue ? »
« [Insert character] ? » she gasped, « I thought you were dead ! »
[Insert character] sat up and pulled Mary-Sue into his arms. He pressed his lips against her perfect, cupids-bow lips. [Insert character 2] pushed [insert character] away, and seized Mary-Sue in his own arms. She gasped, not wanting to leave either of them.
« Back off [insert character], » [Insert character 2] snarled in a manly way, « Mary-Sue loves me, not you, you elf/man/hobbit/wizard/dwarf/balrog ! »
« How dare you, [insert character 2] ! » [Insert character] said, leaping up. « I shall fight you ! »
[Insert character 2] stood too, letting go of Mary-Sue. She fell to the ground, landing on her [insert body part] and bruising it slightly.
« Oh ! » she exclaimed, as her two true loves fought viciously in the clearing. Her eyes filled with tears as they slashed at each other with their knives/swords/bows/axes/staffs.
Soon it was all over as they killed each other. Mary-Sue ran over to where they lay, her cheeks streaked (beautifully of course) by her silvery tears. She knelt by their bodies.
« [Insert character] ? » she whispered. « [Insert character 2] ? »
There was no answer, as they were dead as coffin nails. Mary-Sue gave a cry and ran off into the woods. Her grief was more than any person's, and the tears flowed freely, but not smudging her mascara. In fact, she wasn't wearing any, as her looks were so perfect that she didn't need makeup.
She arrived some days later at Rivendell/Lothlorien/Minas Tirith/Mordor/Mirkwood/other, and secluded herself in her rooms. She saw nobody, and was too wrapped up her own own grief.
« My own dear loves are dead, » she moaned, still remaining beautiful in her ordeal.
: : : : : : : {Many years passing} : : : : : : :
Many years later, Mary-Sue was still in mourning. Little did she know, however, there was someone watching her. He had been smitten by her beauty, and was as love-lorn as she, but it was just as unrequited.
He was [insert character 3], a handsome elf/dwarf/man/wizard/orc/hobbit/other who could have had any [insert something] he wanted. However, all he wanted was Mary-Sue. One day, he decided to do something about it. He wrote a song, and sang it outside her window. It was, of course, to the tune of 'Peggy Sue' by Buddy Holly.
« If you knew Mary-Sue, then you'd know why I feel blue
About Mary, 'bout Mary-Sue
Oh, well, I love you gal, yes, I love you Mary-Sue
Mary-Sue, Mary-Sue, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, Mary-Sue
Oh, my Mary, my Mary-Sue
Oh, well, I love you gal, and I need you, Mary-Sue
I love you Mary-Sue, with a love so rare and true
Oh, Mary, My Mary-Sue
Oh, well, I love you gal, yes, I want you, Mary-Sue
Mary-Sue, Mary-Sue, Oh how my heart years for you
Oh, Ma-ha-ry, my Ma-ha-ry-Sue
Oh, well, I love you gal, and I need you, Mary-Sue
Oh, well, I love you gal, yes, I want you, Mary-Sue. »
Mary-Sue ran to her window, to see her serenader.
« [Insert character 3]! » she exclaimed, « do you love me truly ? »
« Ah, ma cherie, » [insert character 3] said romantically, « tu es mon lapin d'amour . »
He climbed up the trellis on which grew perfect red roses the colour of Mary-Sue's lips and [insert body part]. He kissed her passionately on those perfect lips.
They fell back onto her bed, and the rating climbed as they got.to know each other better.