How To Write An LOTR Mary-Sue
Chapter 4: Mary-Sue's Tragic Tale
Disclaimers: Tolkein owns the whole LOTR cast, I'm just borrowing, like everyone else round here. Mary-Sue is evil and should be punished, but then again, she'd probably enjoy it. It'd give her something else to moan about. Oh, and sorry about the random symbols that came up instead of "" in the last chapter, I think the computer had something wrong with it.
Later on, the gorgeous Mary-Sue and her handsome [insert character 3] were lying on the bed. [Insert character 3] slipped his arm around her slender waist, as his other hand wandered slowly across her huge plump globes.
"Oh, Mary-Sue," he whispered in her perfect pointed/shell-like/human/other ear.
"Oh, [insert character 3]," she replied, perfect lips parting seductively.
"Won't you tell me about yourself?" he asked softly, smoothing her waterfall of hair.
Mary-Sue turned her head away slightly, and a silver tear welled up in her eye. [Insert character 3] instantly wrapped his arms around her tighter.
"I don't mean to hurt you," he said.
"It's all right," she said bravely, "I know I've got to tell you sometime. I have to tell you my past, because I truly love you."
She was silent for a moment, gathering the pained thoughts of her tragic past. At last, her voice full of emotion, she spoke.
"I come from a world far away, a planet called Earth. I lived in a town/city/village called [insert town name]. I lived with my parents/boyfriend/grandparents/rats/other, and it was wonderful/miserable/horrific/depraved.
"My life was good/bad until something terrible/wonderful happened. My [insert living companions] were killed, murdered by a gunman/evil wizard/monster/car crash. I was abandoned in the world with nothing except my beauty, which is a great asset."
"Rather like these two then," [insert character 3] put in, handling the 'assets'.
"Well, I discovered a portal/said a magic spell/clicked my ruby slippers/walked through my wardrobe and found myself here. I have wandered for many years/months/weeks/days/hours/minutes, before I met.[insert character]."
Mary-Sue paused, wiping her eyes with a silk handkerchief.
"He was wonderful, but he was killed so horribly. As was [insert character 2], who was also my true love.
"But not everything's bad, darling, I have you, and I will never leave you, as long as I live."
"Nor I you," [insert character 3] declared, "you are my only light in the dark. My pillar in the wilderness, my princess in the court, my oasis in the desert, everything I ever wanted. Never leave me, for you are my one love."
They started to kiss again, but were interrupted by the sound of fighting from outside. Peeking through the curtains, Mary-Sue spied an [insert method of dying].
"Oh mon Dieu!" she exclaimed, "it is the [insert method of dying]! It'll kill me for sure, as it killed my [insert relatives]!"
"Don't worry, Mary-Sue!" [insert character 3] shouted, "I'll save you!"
"Oh, do be careful," Mary-Sue said worriedly, "I couldn't bear to lose my true love for the third time."
[Insert character 3] leapt out of the window, drawing his weapon as he did. Soon, the sounds of fighting reached Mary-Sue's delicate ears. Her enormous bosom heaved as she heard the battle cries. She listened carefully, trying to figure the outcome of the fight.
"Oh [insert character 3]," she cried, as she heard his cry of anguish from below.
Jumping out the window/using her magic powers, she hurried to the scene. It was a terrible place. The [insert method of dying] was dead, as was [insert character 3].
"Oh [insert character 3]," she wailed, "not you as well!"
She knelt by the bodies for a while, tears pouring down her face. She was disturbed from her tremendous grief by footsteps behind her.
"Mary-Sue?" a voice asked, "are you all right?"
She turned, her lower lip trembling prettily.
"[Insert character 4]?" she asked.
To be continued! Will Mary-Sue find her REAL true love in [insert character 4]? Or will she go and have another sob-fest? Find out soon, whenever I get round to updating.
This is to thank all the lovely people who have reviewed me over the time I've written this so far. I don't generally hold with putting up a great long list and taking up half the story, but I wanted to answer a few things and thank some people personally.
Hugs go to: Jenny, Jhesika, Sailor Kitsune (penguin attack!), Elf of Rivendell, the Soup Nazis, Uggi, Nut job, Turamarth, Frodo Skywalker, Phoenix Flight, Gaslight (the eyebrows have it [insert punctuation sound]), Auriale, DJ Caligula, Alex, Thunder Elf, jennyjj, lil' odd me, Aldawen of Rivendell, the Gothic Elf (thanks for the huge breast reminder), greatjedi, Lady Myself (ah well, so I have bad French), Lyrique, ella, [no name] (thanks for the image of diet coke up the nose), Asreena (what's a madlib?), sound of the skies, Starbrat (you changed your mind? Yay!), ;), and Anne-Marie.
Thankee to San Antonio Rose, who gave me the ideas for the warped language and that. Let's face it, there's not much more warped than my French and Middle English.
Also to the Evil Old Woman, for reminding me about Mary-Sue feeling sorry for herself. Yay!
Roselyne, for giving me the idea, via the Monty Python sketch, of making [insert character] 'not dead'. It fits so well!
As to Madeleine541, Frodofan and innocent-penguin, if you don't like, don't read. I decided that my good reviews outweighed the bad ones, so I continued. Hah!
To all reading, hope you enjoy, I'll try to keep it going for as long as it is feasible, amusing and whatever. Happy reading!
Chapter 4: Mary-Sue's Tragic Tale
Disclaimers: Tolkein owns the whole LOTR cast, I'm just borrowing, like everyone else round here. Mary-Sue is evil and should be punished, but then again, she'd probably enjoy it. It'd give her something else to moan about. Oh, and sorry about the random symbols that came up instead of "" in the last chapter, I think the computer had something wrong with it.
Later on, the gorgeous Mary-Sue and her handsome [insert character 3] were lying on the bed. [Insert character 3] slipped his arm around her slender waist, as his other hand wandered slowly across her huge plump globes.
"Oh, Mary-Sue," he whispered in her perfect pointed/shell-like/human/other ear.
"Oh, [insert character 3]," she replied, perfect lips parting seductively.
"Won't you tell me about yourself?" he asked softly, smoothing her waterfall of hair.
Mary-Sue turned her head away slightly, and a silver tear welled up in her eye. [Insert character 3] instantly wrapped his arms around her tighter.
"I don't mean to hurt you," he said.
"It's all right," she said bravely, "I know I've got to tell you sometime. I have to tell you my past, because I truly love you."
She was silent for a moment, gathering the pained thoughts of her tragic past. At last, her voice full of emotion, she spoke.
"I come from a world far away, a planet called Earth. I lived in a town/city/village called [insert town name]. I lived with my parents/boyfriend/grandparents/rats/other, and it was wonderful/miserable/horrific/depraved.
"My life was good/bad until something terrible/wonderful happened. My [insert living companions] were killed, murdered by a gunman/evil wizard/monster/car crash. I was abandoned in the world with nothing except my beauty, which is a great asset."
"Rather like these two then," [insert character 3] put in, handling the 'assets'.
"Well, I discovered a portal/said a magic spell/clicked my ruby slippers/walked through my wardrobe and found myself here. I have wandered for many years/months/weeks/days/hours/minutes, before I met.[insert character]."
Mary-Sue paused, wiping her eyes with a silk handkerchief.
"He was wonderful, but he was killed so horribly. As was [insert character 2], who was also my true love.
"But not everything's bad, darling, I have you, and I will never leave you, as long as I live."
"Nor I you," [insert character 3] declared, "you are my only light in the dark. My pillar in the wilderness, my princess in the court, my oasis in the desert, everything I ever wanted. Never leave me, for you are my one love."
They started to kiss again, but were interrupted by the sound of fighting from outside. Peeking through the curtains, Mary-Sue spied an [insert method of dying].
"Oh mon Dieu!" she exclaimed, "it is the [insert method of dying]! It'll kill me for sure, as it killed my [insert relatives]!"
"Don't worry, Mary-Sue!" [insert character 3] shouted, "I'll save you!"
"Oh, do be careful," Mary-Sue said worriedly, "I couldn't bear to lose my true love for the third time."
[Insert character 3] leapt out of the window, drawing his weapon as he did. Soon, the sounds of fighting reached Mary-Sue's delicate ears. Her enormous bosom heaved as she heard the battle cries. She listened carefully, trying to figure the outcome of the fight.
"Oh [insert character 3]," she cried, as she heard his cry of anguish from below.
Jumping out the window/using her magic powers, she hurried to the scene. It was a terrible place. The [insert method of dying] was dead, as was [insert character 3].
"Oh [insert character 3]," she wailed, "not you as well!"
She knelt by the bodies for a while, tears pouring down her face. She was disturbed from her tremendous grief by footsteps behind her.
"Mary-Sue?" a voice asked, "are you all right?"
She turned, her lower lip trembling prettily.
"[Insert character 4]?" she asked.
To be continued! Will Mary-Sue find her REAL true love in [insert character 4]? Or will she go and have another sob-fest? Find out soon, whenever I get round to updating.
This is to thank all the lovely people who have reviewed me over the time I've written this so far. I don't generally hold with putting up a great long list and taking up half the story, but I wanted to answer a few things and thank some people personally.
Hugs go to: Jenny, Jhesika, Sailor Kitsune (penguin attack!), Elf of Rivendell, the Soup Nazis, Uggi, Nut job, Turamarth, Frodo Skywalker, Phoenix Flight, Gaslight (the eyebrows have it [insert punctuation sound]), Auriale, DJ Caligula, Alex, Thunder Elf, jennyjj, lil' odd me, Aldawen of Rivendell, the Gothic Elf (thanks for the huge breast reminder), greatjedi, Lady Myself (ah well, so I have bad French), Lyrique, ella, [no name] (thanks for the image of diet coke up the nose), Asreena (what's a madlib?), sound of the skies, Starbrat (you changed your mind? Yay!), ;), and Anne-Marie.
Thankee to San Antonio Rose, who gave me the ideas for the warped language and that. Let's face it, there's not much more warped than my French and Middle English.
Also to the Evil Old Woman, for reminding me about Mary-Sue feeling sorry for herself. Yay!
Roselyne, for giving me the idea, via the Monty Python sketch, of making [insert character] 'not dead'. It fits so well!
As to Madeleine541, Frodofan and innocent-penguin, if you don't like, don't read. I decided that my good reviews outweighed the bad ones, so I continued. Hah!
To all reading, hope you enjoy, I'll try to keep it going for as long as it is feasible, amusing and whatever. Happy reading!