How To Write An LOTR Mary-Sue
Chapter 6: Cat-fight, or Mary-Sue Struts Her Stuff
Disclaimers: All characters hinted at, but not actually named come to think of it, belong to Tolkien, except Mary-Sue, who shouldn't exist. Congratulations to San Antonio Rose for guessing the identity of the mysterious figure, though I did like issa's image of the person being his mum. Made me laugh. Interesting how you all thought the figure was female (but you were right). Thanks to all the lovely people who reviewed, and on with the tale.
"Get away from him, [insert insultive term]," the figure continued.
Mary-Sue looked up, her beautiful eyes narrowing attractively as she saw who it was. Tall and beautiful (though not as beautiful as Mary-Sue, naturally), [insert b****] stood over the pair, glaring angrily. [Insert character 4] gasped.
"[Insert b****]!" he exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"
"Obviously I'm needed here, to stop you finding someone else," she spat, "like this trollop here."
"I'm no trollop!" Mary-Sue sprang to her feet in indignation.
"Then what are you doing with my husband/fiancé/lover/guinea pig/betrothed?" [Insert b****] stalked over to Mary-Sue, until they stood nose to nose, eyeing each other.
"I didn't know he was your husband/fiancé/lover/guinea pig/betrothed!" Mary- Sue protested, not wanting to get into a confrontation. "I love him!"
[Insert b****] sneered. She stared down/up at Mary-Sue, her whorish clothing marking her as not the right sort for such a handsome [insert race] as [insert character 4]. Her face was good-looking in a way, but by no means as beautiful and gorgeous as Mary-Sue, who stood her ground bravely.
"Would you fight for him?" [Insert b****] challenged, drawing a line in the dirt with her toe.
"Mary-Sue!" [Insert character 4] gasped. "She'll kill you! She's a brilliant fighter."
"I'm not afraid," Mary-Sue said quietly, "I'll do anything for your love, [insert character 4]."
She faced up to [insert b****]. They moved, slowly, to a wider alleyway, then stood, eyeing each other warily. Mary-Sue felt some trepidation, which she banished immediately. She couldn't back down now, not while her true love for [insert character 4] was at stake. Folding her hands into fists, she waited for [insert b****] to make her move.
Smiling cattily, [insert b****] instantly lunged for Mary-Sue. The brave heroine dodged aside, using her speed and skill to elude the evil woman's attack. [Insert b****] almost fell to the ground but recovered herself in time to try another attack. Mary-Sue fended her off with her giant millennium domes, which were far bigger and more shapely than [insert b****]'s.
"I will defeat you!" [Insert b****] scrambled to her feet, clothing ripped unattractively. Mary-Sue said nothing, not allowing herself to be distracted. [Insert b****] came at her again, nails outstretched.
"Oh, Mary-Sue!" [Insert character 4] exclaimed, worried for his true love's safety.
Unfortunately, this distracted Mary-Sue, a fact which [insert b****] quickly took advantage of. She ripped at Mary-Sue's clothing, until it was barely decent. It seemed for a moment as if Mary-Sue could be defeated.
"Mary-Sue!" [Insert character 4] cried again.
This galvanised the heroic Mary-Sue to fight back. She overpowered [insert b****] and pinned her to the ground. Mary-Sue pointed her missiles at the cowardly woman's throat.
"Don't kill me!" [Insert b****] pleaded, clearly terrified by Mary-Sue's superior fighting skills and beautiful looks. "I promise I'll leave you and [insert character 4] alone!"
[Insert character 4] walked over and looked at his former love.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, "but I never truly loved you. Mary-Sue is my one true love, and I shall love her forever."
"Oh, [insert character 4]," Mary-Sue breathed, standing and running over to him, "you are my only love, all the others are dead."
They embraced lovingly and passionately, Mary-Sue's huge balloons heaving against [insert character 4]'s manly chest. His hands began to wander along her [insert body part].
[Insert b****] started to creep away, unnoticed by the couple.
"Don't mind me," she muttered, frowning darkly as she moved away. Then her expression softened, seeing that it was indeed true love between Mary-Sue and [insert character 4]. She went off into the trees. (Hey, where did they come from? Must be part of the upcoming plot.)
Suddenly, there was a loud scream.
Dramatic music! What will happen in the final chapter? Yes, that's right, you did read the words FINAL CHAPTER. Has Mary-Sue at last found her man? Will it be the end for Mary-Sue, in dying terms? Will we never again see her huge 'ball-cocks'? What do those trees mean? All this and more, coming up!
By the way, the review button is just down there. That's if you want me to feel happy and wanted and appreciated.
Chapter 6: Cat-fight, or Mary-Sue Struts Her Stuff
Disclaimers: All characters hinted at, but not actually named come to think of it, belong to Tolkien, except Mary-Sue, who shouldn't exist. Congratulations to San Antonio Rose for guessing the identity of the mysterious figure, though I did like issa's image of the person being his mum. Made me laugh. Interesting how you all thought the figure was female (but you were right). Thanks to all the lovely people who reviewed, and on with the tale.
"Get away from him, [insert insultive term]," the figure continued.
Mary-Sue looked up, her beautiful eyes narrowing attractively as she saw who it was. Tall and beautiful (though not as beautiful as Mary-Sue, naturally), [insert b****] stood over the pair, glaring angrily. [Insert character 4] gasped.
"[Insert b****]!" he exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"
"Obviously I'm needed here, to stop you finding someone else," she spat, "like this trollop here."
"I'm no trollop!" Mary-Sue sprang to her feet in indignation.
"Then what are you doing with my husband/fiancé/lover/guinea pig/betrothed?" [Insert b****] stalked over to Mary-Sue, until they stood nose to nose, eyeing each other.
"I didn't know he was your husband/fiancé/lover/guinea pig/betrothed!" Mary- Sue protested, not wanting to get into a confrontation. "I love him!"
[Insert b****] sneered. She stared down/up at Mary-Sue, her whorish clothing marking her as not the right sort for such a handsome [insert race] as [insert character 4]. Her face was good-looking in a way, but by no means as beautiful and gorgeous as Mary-Sue, who stood her ground bravely.
"Would you fight for him?" [Insert b****] challenged, drawing a line in the dirt with her toe.
"Mary-Sue!" [Insert character 4] gasped. "She'll kill you! She's a brilliant fighter."
"I'm not afraid," Mary-Sue said quietly, "I'll do anything for your love, [insert character 4]."
She faced up to [insert b****]. They moved, slowly, to a wider alleyway, then stood, eyeing each other warily. Mary-Sue felt some trepidation, which she banished immediately. She couldn't back down now, not while her true love for [insert character 4] was at stake. Folding her hands into fists, she waited for [insert b****] to make her move.
Smiling cattily, [insert b****] instantly lunged for Mary-Sue. The brave heroine dodged aside, using her speed and skill to elude the evil woman's attack. [Insert b****] almost fell to the ground but recovered herself in time to try another attack. Mary-Sue fended her off with her giant millennium domes, which were far bigger and more shapely than [insert b****]'s.
"I will defeat you!" [Insert b****] scrambled to her feet, clothing ripped unattractively. Mary-Sue said nothing, not allowing herself to be distracted. [Insert b****] came at her again, nails outstretched.
"Oh, Mary-Sue!" [Insert character 4] exclaimed, worried for his true love's safety.
Unfortunately, this distracted Mary-Sue, a fact which [insert b****] quickly took advantage of. She ripped at Mary-Sue's clothing, until it was barely decent. It seemed for a moment as if Mary-Sue could be defeated.
"Mary-Sue!" [Insert character 4] cried again.
This galvanised the heroic Mary-Sue to fight back. She overpowered [insert b****] and pinned her to the ground. Mary-Sue pointed her missiles at the cowardly woman's throat.
"Don't kill me!" [Insert b****] pleaded, clearly terrified by Mary-Sue's superior fighting skills and beautiful looks. "I promise I'll leave you and [insert character 4] alone!"
[Insert character 4] walked over and looked at his former love.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, "but I never truly loved you. Mary-Sue is my one true love, and I shall love her forever."
"Oh, [insert character 4]," Mary-Sue breathed, standing and running over to him, "you are my only love, all the others are dead."
They embraced lovingly and passionately, Mary-Sue's huge balloons heaving against [insert character 4]'s manly chest. His hands began to wander along her [insert body part].
[Insert b****] started to creep away, unnoticed by the couple.
"Don't mind me," she muttered, frowning darkly as she moved away. Then her expression softened, seeing that it was indeed true love between Mary-Sue and [insert character 4]. She went off into the trees. (Hey, where did they come from? Must be part of the upcoming plot.)
Suddenly, there was a loud scream.
Dramatic music! What will happen in the final chapter? Yes, that's right, you did read the words FINAL CHAPTER. Has Mary-Sue at last found her man? Will it be the end for Mary-Sue, in dying terms? Will we never again see her huge 'ball-cocks'? What do those trees mean? All this and more, coming up!
By the way, the review button is just down there. That's if you want me to feel happy and wanted and appreciated.