I do not own Gundam Wing or its characters. They belong to their appropriate owners.
It contains yaoi, lemon, blood, strong language and more, may be a bit
AU. Duo's POV (at least most the time)
Mission
by solange channonix
Part V
Wufei's POV:
There is something about Maxwell, something I could
never understand, just fall under the spell and live with it. First thing
that needs to be said is that I'm gay, I wasn't always, I guess, but I've
turned after I lost Meiran, I just didn't feel able to love another woman
ever again. For a few years I thought I would just be alone, forever, only
me and Nataku, but then he appeared and all of sudden turned my life upside
down. It was the middle of the war, I was supposed to fight, to concentrate
on missions but I couldn't get thoughts off him. He haunted me, whenever
I slept or simply wasn't absolutely busy, I dreamed of him. It was turning
me crazy, then and throughout all the following years I knew him. There
is a part of me that hates him for what he unconsciously does to me, other
part just dislikes him, because he's so different from me, so annoying,
alien in his ways of doing and feeling things, but there's also whole other
part, that is in love with him, and I can't get over it. Duo Maxwell, the
most amazing man I've ever met. I would still think that even if I would
feel nothing for him, just to think, he's so careless, so open, so outgoing,
like if he was the happiest man alive, not an orphaned street brat, having
everyone and everything he ever loved brutally snatched from him. He still,
despite that all, loves the life so much, you can see it in his eyes, they're
always sparkling, their violet surface always lighten up, if only slightly
sometimes. And he trusts people, he believes they're good rather than bad.
It's amazing me, but that's not what attracts me to him. I am not interested
in hopeless optimists, incapable of being serious even for a while, even
while fighting and killing. There is something else about him, that got
me wanting him since the first time I saw him, before I even realized I
can be interested in a guy, there is something about him, that awakens
a need inside me, need to have as my own, dominate, ravage. I don't know
if this is quite love, if this is even an attraction, rather... I just
want him, hopelessly want him from so many years, and can not have him.
Why ? I don't know how, first, I bet he's straight, I saw him kissing a
girl more than once before, second, I don't know what I feel, I don't know
what the fuck it is, that I want to have him as my own yet I'm not all
that interested in having to deal with someone like him too much. I can
not stand his presence, maybe if he would shut down and stop grinning,
or better even just lie down and let me have my way with him, maybe then...
But it is crazy, to want complete, strict submission from anyone. It just
isn't normal. Beside that, it isn't just submission I want, it is his submission,
no one else's. His submission, just that, not him as a whole, not even
his body, just his submission. So I bet that really I am not in love with
him as I said before. And I don't even hopelessly want him. All lies...
All I really want is to take that love of life away from him, and then
have him as my beautiful, breathing doll with glassy violet eyes and long,
long braid slipping down his back. It is all I want, it is how I dream
of him. I'm fucked up, am I not ?
Trowa's POV:
Quatre arranged another one of our every year
reunions. That's it, we meet once a year at his mansion on L4, the four
of us, fellow Gundam ex-pilots. Four of us because Heero never came, not
even once. He just disappeared after the war, something I would have maybe
gladly done myself... but didn't because it would have meant leaving the
circus, and beside that I've been with Quatre ever since the end of the
war, though not constantly, rather parting and getting together, parting
and getting together and so on, but still. Beside that, there is Duo. And
I was Nanashi once. There was the time when I was the pretty boy my fellow
mercenaries were having their way with. So long time ago, but it happened,
nonetheless. What has it to do with Maxwell ? I am not blind, I can see
how some males look at him. He doesn't do this purposefully, I'm sure about
it, he just gets men wanting him, desperately wanting him. I could see
that hungry look in Heero's and Wufei's eyes when they were looking at
him during the war, when I first met all of them. I never got to know what
Heero felt for him, but I did get to know what Wufei did. He is obsessed
with Maxwell, on a level that most likely still needs psychiatric help,
and Duo is, at least seems, completely oblivious about it. It looks like
if he did believe that Wufei's sudden breakdown, that excluded him from
our reunion last year, was caused by the bad memories of the war and the
time before. Like if he did believe that it was why Wufei got to the edge
of being alcoholic, that that's why I needed to drag him to the therapist
for half a year. They both, Duo and Quatre, seem to believe it. And maybe
it's better that way. Maybe it's better for them and for Wufei, he's hurting
enough considering himself crazy and being unable to ever fulfill his desires.
I he would have tried, I would have killed him, I made it clear for him
back then, while I was taking care of him when he got so close to the edge.
I am not going to let him harm Maxwell, him or anyone else. Duo is everything
I am not maybe because they fucked it all out of me, and I am not letting
them, whoever them may be, do the same to him. I may not quite be standing
well his over-cheerfulness, he may be annoying me with his constant chatter,
but I don't want him to lose the love he has for life, it is something
too unique among the people like us, who at some point found themselves
alone and having nothing, not even own name. So as long as he stays away
from Maxwell I may consider Wufei my friend, but if he will ever try to
get close to him, I'll take him down, and we both know it. I hope that
knowledge is enough to stop him from doing something stupid, all of us
would regret. It isn't his fault that he wants Duo. I know it, but was
it really the one's that raped me fault that they wanted me ?! It didn't
make it any better for me, any less painful, that's not the matter of whose
fault it is. Probably no one's, but it isn't enough of a justification,
not for me. With kind of fantasies Wufei gets about Duo, especially when
he helps himself with drugs sipped with brandy, I could easily get him
locked in a mental hospital, but I know them and still let him be free,
only with that knowledge that if he would ever try to make them real he'll
end up dead. I don't care if they'll send me on a electric chair after
for killing Preventer, I'll do it for Maxwell, he's worth it. I know. I
have my own thing for him. He stirs up my protectiveness a bit too much,
but at least I don't dream of fucking him till he gets cold and still.
Ouatre's POV:
So we're going to meet each other again tomorrow,
the four of us. Wufei and Trowa don't know yet, but we have special occasion
this time. Duo ended university. He wants to celebrate it with us, so I
prepared a party for tomorrow, to make this out particular meeting special.
It will be wonderful, I already took care of this. I just hope this time
Duo won't be two days late and that Wufei comes. He missed our reunion
last year, there was something wrong with him, old memories came back haunting
him. Only Trowa knows exactly what was going on, but he didn't tell me.
Maybe it was really serious and he didn't want to worry me too much, tries
to shelter me, like he always does. He thinks I'm fragile and that I need
to be protected. I am not, really, but I think that protectiveness is particular
way of showing love for Trowa. Anyway, I was trying to get him to tell
me more, but he really wouldn't talk, so I left him alone in the end, maybe
Wufei will tell us himself what was wrong, or maybe not. At least I'll
see him, whole and alive. I hope at least. But Trowa said that he'll come
for sure, that he misses both of us, me and Duo. It's nice that he does.
But as for me he could have come to visit me before, the last few months
I was home, just describing my previous discoveries. As for what I discovered,
well, I'm an archeologist, I just finished my studies last year and then
went on an expedition to South Africa for half a year. We found few complete
skeletons, one of the oldest ever found in the area, I'm going to show
them to the boys. Trowa already saw them, but Duo and Wufei did not yet.
And I bet Wufei doesn't even know that I went on an expedition finally.
When we last talked two years ago I just dreamed, and since then dreams
came true and I'm back with my discoveries. I'm so happy to see the boys,
Trowa said he didn't see me like that since I've found my corpses, uhm,
that's what he calls my discoveries like. I'm just glad we're going to
be together again, if only for a while, they're like my second family,
so I miss them all whole the time, and beside that, it was a reason for
me and Trowa to get together for a hundredth time, though I just know we'll
part again, when he'll feel that his need to come back to circus, and I
will leave on another expedition. I guess that's just the way it goes between
us. But for the next few days I'm not going to worry about it, we'll be
together, me and Trowa, and Wufei, and Duo. Yeah, I'll see Duo again...
After a year. I wonder how much longer his braid got through that time,
back then it was reaching just below his knees, soon enough it'll reach
the ground and I don't know what he'll do with it in order not to stomp
on it, but I just know he will not cut it, despite that it catches in doors,
lands in food etc. etc. since ever. I bet he had enough time to get used
to it, and I know what it means to him, and I can see how it makes him
look. He would have lost half his charm cutting his braid down, but I don't
think it would really make things all that different for me. I should blush
here, get all red like a soviet flag, I know, I really think I love Trowa,
I'm not lying when I'm saying it to him, but Duo is just... There is something
about him that makes me wonder sometimes what could have been if I hadn't
Trowa, if Duo would be willing to take his place, or maybe, just maybe,
if he would let me take this place for him. I just wonder, I can't help
it. But that's nothing wrong, is it ?
Duo's POV:
Can you believe it ? I met Heero again, completely
by chance, in a place I would never except him to be at. But that doesn't
matter, what does matter is that he's back to my life, and that I still
feel that I love him, and that he makes it all better for me, because my
life turned a mess in the last few weeks. I got hurt again. The pain was
back... I never thought it would happen, I just thought I'd be happy ever
after after I suffered so much in my childhood and during the war, but
I was wrong, so fucked wrong... But maybe it was worth it, only because
of that I met Heero again, most likely only because of that I have him
staying with me, and to have him with me is worth everything for me, every
sacrifice, every amount of pain. Now I have the knowledge, that he is with
me, and that having him by my side nothing bad will ever happen to me again.
He'll defend me, I'm his reason after all, I'm the same for him now that
his missions were during the war, everything. And it gives me that sense
of security, but what's more important, I'm happy, and I'll be ever.
I rushed into the room where my ex-partners from the war were supposed to be. I needed to rush, I was a bit late, uhm... in fact, maybe a bit more than just a bit. Quatre had told me to get to his mansion at 9 a.m., it was 1 p.m., so not that big deal, last year I was two days late. But anyway, I stopped at the door only for a moment, to catch my breath and take loose bangs out of my eyes, and then pushed them open. My eyes ran frantically all over the room, looking for him. I couldn't help it, I still hoped that he would come on one of those reunions, just like that, and that I would find him sitting with them. Not this time, unfortunately. There was no young man with Prussian blue eyes there, only Trowa and Quatre, sitting on a couch together and making out like if world around them didn't exist, and Wufei, sitting on another couch and frowning. So, at least Wufei got there this year. I grinned devilishly and slipped silently into to room, I was going to surprise a bit our sweet couple. I shook my head when Wufei opened his mouth to speak and walked through the room, only to sit on the couch next to him. I threw my bag under the table, sat more comfortably and only then began to talk.
" So, Wu-man, when do you think they'll run out of air ?"
" Don't call me Wu-man, Maxwell." He growled.
I just knew he was going to say it. Trowa and Quatre broke apart and looked at each other, startled, before turning to look at me.
" Don't disturb yourself. I'm doing perfectly fine, as for now I lost my way only twice." I said while looking closely at my nails.
Next moment, I had Quatre's arms around my neck and his blonde head on my shoulder. His Blondeness really is such a huggable creature, I couldn't stop myself from wrapping my own arms around his back and patting it several times.
" I missed you, Duo." He mumbled in my shoulder.
" Me too, Q-man. But let go of my neck now, `k ?"
He nodded and let me go, sitting back on the opposite couch.
" You're a bit late, Duo. Something got in your way ?" Asked Trowa, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
I shoved my tongue at him. He just smiled with superiority at that.
" Show us your braid, Duo !" Pleaded Quatre, so I stood up and turned back to them. My braid was reaching low below my knees. I just wondered what I was going to do with it in a year or so when it would have reached the ground, in order not to stomp on it.
" Wow." Gasped his Blondeness.
I turned and plopped back on the couch. Wufei gave me weird look, and moved away.
" How are you, Wu-man ? I see you're already better than Tro was saying you were last year."
" Fine." He flinched at my words and mumbled.
Trowa's eyes narrowed dangerously at him. What was going on ?
" So, what did ya find in Africa, Q-man ?" I asked young ambitious archeologist while Trowa death glared Wufei once again. There was something wrong between them, never mind.
" Few complete skeletons, and a bit of loose bones."
" They're here ?" I asked pointing the walls.
He nodded.
" Of course. I'll show them to you after lunch."
" What ?! I'm supposed to sleep under one roof with few thousands years old corpses ? I won't close my eyes, I want to share bedroom with someone !"
" How old are you, Duo ?" Asked Trowa all of a sudden.
" Twenty-three. Why ?"
" Don't act like if you haven't half your years, just that."
" Yeah, of course. Don't disturb Trowa, don't be too loud, he doesn't like noises, don't smile, he prefers people menacing him than being nice, that's it ?"
" Yes." He nodded.
Quatre smiled at me in a way saying: `You know how he is.` and I grinned back in a way saying `I know and I don't give a fuck. He isn't really serious anyway.`
" And as for maturity and things, I don't know if Q-man told you already, but I'm through with my theology. I ended university."
" How that happened, Duo ? You should report it as a miracle, there is something like that in your religion, isn't it ?" Asked Trowa, this time openly grinning himself. He had changed, he had definitely changed since the first time I had met him.
I frowned at his comment and turned to Wufei.
" Aren't you going to congratulate me ?"
" Sure, it's great." He said in a voice definitely lacking of enthusiasm.
I frowned more. What is it, guys, aren't you happy for me ?
" You know Duo, I'm starving, maybe let's go to the dining room. I have something special ready there." Said Quatre standing up.
Something special, uh ? When Quatre has something special ready in the
matter of food, one good thing one can do is to run in the direction where
it is, if you know what I mean. So I stormed to the dining room past his
Blondeness, forgetting about our rigid friends all together.
It was one hell of an afternoon. We ate lunch, which really was delicious...
What am I saying. Delicious isn't a word for this... Then we watched bones
and skeletons which interested mostly Quatre, but I, unlike Wufei, tried
to be nice and stood there patiently while he presented them. As for Wufei,
he stormed out at some point, and we didn't see him ever since. Trowa said
not to look for him, that he still had hard time with himself, so we didn't.
Then we watched Quatre's mansion's garden, his horses, his cars and many
other his things. Guy really owns too much for his own sanity, but at least
he tries to share as much as possible, he supplies all founds for children
orphaned by war, for people who lost their homes etc. etc. And, last but
not least, he supplies us with money, and that's only thanks to him that
I'm not back on the streets. Or at least, that I don't have to steal, in
any way, to get money. Still, despite how much he gives to others, his
Blondeness is still pretty rich himself. Pretty rich... I'm just being
sarcastic, I must have picked this from Trowa. I never thought it was contagious...
Anyway, I'm blabbering things that don't make much sense. Well, that's
what I'm best at, after all, but, don't worry, I'll try to get better.
That night I was sitting in my bedroom at Quatre's mansion and reading a book which I had gotten from his library (of course he owns a library, how could he not to ?). The house was quite empty and silent, only from Quatre's bedroom, apparently located somewhere above mine, were coming silent sounds - moaning, muffled screams. Apparently, Tro decided to keep him company. They weren't really loud but mere character of the sounds disturbed me enough, I threw the book away and lied on my back, just looking dumbly at the ceiling for some time, until another sound didn't get me out of my trance. Roar of the motorcycle's engine. I jumped to my feet and looked through the window, as I excepted seeing Wufei coming back from his late night excursion. His bedroom was next door to mine, it wasn't locked so I waited for him inside. We needed to talk.
When he came in he was a bit startled with my presence, but then he chose to ignore me, he took his jacket off and looked for something in his bag like if I wasn't there. Then he stood up, looked at me for a while with unreadable expression that made me think about Heero and finally came closer and sat down on his bed next to me.
" What do you want, Maxwell ?"
" Do I have to want something ?" I asked, startled with his rude tone. We were friends after all, and we had that one in a year chance to spend some time together and he treated me like an intruder since I had gotten at the mansion.
Silent moaning sounded from the bedroom above again. Wufei looked around.
" Q-man and Trowa. Quatre's bedroom has to be above." I explained.
He nodded absently, his black eyes taking weird, a bit dreamy expression. I moved closer to him and sniffed him but he didn't smell of alcohol as I had thought he would. I moved away and grinned at his startled expression.
" So, Wu, when you're getting married ?" I asked.
" When you do ?" He asked back.
" I'm alone." I said while shaking my head. " But you lived with Sally so we all thought that sooner or later..."
" You were wrong." He snapped me.
I nodded, still smiling, though a bit unsure. He drew one knee up to his chest and wrapped his arms around it, taking his head down so that I couldn't see his face.
" I'm gay, Maxwell." He said softly.
My eyes widened, definitely widened, and suddenly my arm began to burn where it was touching his and I moved slightly away, and the moaning above us began to really disturb me. Wufei being gay... Who would have thought... I wondered if the others knew.
" So, you have a... boyfriend ?" I spilled, my grin not quite willing to come on its place.
" No."
I wondered why, he looked really good, and though his attitude was a
bit unnerving, I knew people who had worse and weren't alone at all, just
think about Trowa, and considering sounds coming from above he definitely
wasn't suffering from loneliness right then. So, Wufei was gay, and he
was alone, and I had ended in his bedroom in the middle of the night, sitting
on his bed next to him, surrounded by damned moaning coming from above.
As for my liking, situation was getting a bit ambiguous. My eyes flickered
to his crotch, and as I feared he was damned hard. I just knew he would
be. I was aware of the effects I had on most guys like him. I wasn't stupid
nor blind enough to not realize it after having to viscously turn down
so many offers in the past. I couldn't even go normally to a bar or club,
I always ended dragged to the bathroom. I sighed, turning away from him.
Just to think, that Wufei wanted me as well, or maybe I just turned him
on tonight because of the circumstances and all. Maybe it was just that...
Maybe these weird, hungry looks he had been giving me for years and I always
thought about as misunderstandings, thinking he was straight, really were
just misunderstandings on my part. Maybe, but tonight was tonight and he
was hard, most likely because of me, and it was definitely time to leave
his bedroom. I was going to stand up, but he jumped to his feet before
me, went to the doors, locked them and the gun out of his pocket. He was
Preventer, he was still always having gun with him, I wasn't anymore but
my hand reached to look for one anyway when he turned back to me and saw
the look in his impossibly black eyes, obsession, pure obsession, and he
began to advance on me. Fuck, no... Please... No... Not again...
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Once again, thanks for reviews !