I do not own Gundam Wing or its characters. They belong to their appropriate owners.
It contains yaoi, lemons (rape scenes), blood, violence, strong language
and more, may be a bit AU. Duo's POV (at least most the time).
Mission
by solange channonix
Part XXIII
Heero's POV:
Our interlaced fingers squeezed tightly before my hands slid to grasp Duo's skinny wrists instead. I had him between the kitchen's wall and my body, pressed to his almost desperately. I wanted this to work, so much, and I wanted him, simple as that. I had been striving with desire to have him in that way for years, believing it would stay unfulfilled. I hoped now I had been wrong, that all those years ago, raping him because I had been told so I hadn't destroyed everything we could have once had definitely, that he would be able to get through that as much as to have sex with me. He couldn't be afraid of me, even the slightest, for Kami's sake, if we were to spend our lives together, he had to trust me fully, in everything I was doing.
Our deep, breath-taking kiss lasted minutes, before we broke apart for the lack of air. Huge, gleaming through the slightest haze, deeply violet eyes opened slowly and looking straight into mine. Nobody should be that beautiful... Despite the scars all over his body, his pointed ribs, pale skin, lack of the braid, I still simply couldn't imagine anyone more beautiful than him. And I knew I wasn't the only one to think like that. But unlike the others, I had him. Duo was mine.
I closed the distance between our slightly swollen lips again, catching the moment when heavy eyelids closed over the violet eyes. I slid my tongue into his mouth, exploring it gently. He cooperated, a bit, his hands slid in my hair, his tongue caressed mine briefly, before moving to give me a passage. Why did he think I still wanted that kind of submission from him ?
I broke the kiss and he moaned in my mouth in protest, his eyes staying shut even as I moved my face few inches away.
" Duo, look at me." I said, brushing my thumb over his still parted lips.
He blinked and opened his eyes, catching light from the lamp lighting behind us. Beautiful...
" You're sure you want this ?"
I didn't get other answer than his hands in my hair pulling my face close to his, our lips crushing together. This time, our tongues were battling and he put up quite a fight. Was he able to read in my mind, to all of this ?
His hands slid down from my hair to my shoulders, gripping them tightly as we continued on ravaging each other's mouth. This really was a fight, filled with passion, and striving for dominance... Maybe it was another reason why I loved him, why I loved the man in him, because only another male could face me, kiss me, fuck me with strength and passion equal to mine. Any pitiful whining girl could be as strong, physically and mentally, as him. His strength was what I loved the most in him, what everyone loved, but I didn't want to take it from him or crush it to shreds. I wanted him to share it with me, as everything else, body, home, life... I had something in return for him. I had my determination, my ability to do everything to achieve the goal set before me, to fight for one single reason, ignoring everything else. If he would want it, he would become that reason, now, when I hadn't that consuming military missions anymore. Anyway, fuck military missions, we had fought in these two past wars enough for life.
" Hey, Hee, I'm right here, don't forget about it." Duo whispered in my ear, catching my earlobe between his moist lips.
I moved away.
" How do you feel ?" I asked seriously.
He tilted his head, blinking his hazy eyes.
" Dreamy ?"
I raised one eyebrow questioningly.
" Guy whom I've loved for years has just asked me to marry him, how am I supposed to feel ? Anyway, it's weird, at the same time. Who is supposed to be the bride ? I dunno, but I don't think I'll look good in veil..."
" Duo, just don't try to trick me to make me happy, or anything. If you'd fear, push me away."
" Sure..." He nodded, grin fading from his face. He simply couldn't be that happy and at ease, he had been through too much, in general and in the last few months, to really be. Jester's mask. I had nothing against, if he felt better like that, but I didn't want him to be forced to play for the rest of his life every time he was in bed with me and internally suffer at the same time. I wanted him to be happy, more than I wanted myself.
We began to kiss again, trying to restore the mood. It was weird, that kind of forced sex to check if we would be able before we would get stuck with each other for life. It was so... artificial, awfully planned. So many times in the past my hands had been burning to touch him when he had been passing by, so many times I had wanted to just throw him on the floor or the closest bed and fuck him senseless, and now, when told to do just that, I couldn't get myself to. I was nervous, with his possible reaction. Fuck, what had I done all those years ago ? How could I have gotten myself to do that at all ?
Duo broke our kiss and looked at me, not moving his eyes.
" Relax, concentrate, else we'll get nowhere with this. Come on." He said, pulling on my hand and dragging me to the bedroom like that. He slammed the door shut behind us, kicked his shoes off while pulling me towards the bed, pushed me on it and jumped on me, putting whole his body weight on me. He wasn't heavy at all, so it didn't hurt. He had to be light, being as terribly skinny as he was after weeks of lying immobile, injured.
After few seconds of just straddling me like that, with me really not knowing what to do under such circumstances, he sighed and began taking his shirt off, revealing terribly scarred, pale chest, with pointing out ribs and slight traces of muscles, way more apparent on his arms. He looked... fragile, like if one could shatter him with the lightest touch. But my hands burned to touch him despite that irrational fear. Tips of my fingers traced all too-apparent bones, caressing pale, scarred skin. He moaned when I brushed his nipple, really had. My eyes flickered to his crotch, he was terribly hard, as I was. Despite that we were forcing that on ourselves, we had managed to get quite aroused. Noticing my look, he looked down as well and grinned devilishly before sliding downwards, so that our erections brushed, and began to move. It was heaven... Soon enough, we both began to moan, he moved faster and faster, squeezing his eyes and taking his head back, before my hands took hold of his hips and held him still. He shook his head, like if in protest, and looked down at me questioningly.
I reached for his neck and pulled him down, placing his head on my shoulder. Our breathings were raged, as we both had almost climaxed seconds before. We were just panting in unison for a long time, until he took his head up and spoke.
" Hee, you know..." His hand sneaked up to play with my hair again. " This is my first time when I'm not forced to do this, with a person I love..."
" Mine too." I hissed back, as his second hair brushed my crotch, most likely unintentionally.
Or maybe not... His eyes gleamed misheviously.
" I'll make it better." He whispered, sliding down my body, until he stopped with his nose over my erection, trapped in too-tight jeans and underwear. As he was working on unzipping it, he continued to talk, one thing he seemed to deeply enjoy, no matter what he was doing at the moment. " I have some bad memories involving this. I was doing this for an Union's officer, for food and water for Solo, when he was... ill, but now I'll... I'll do this, too, to please you, because I want you to be happy, and I won't want anything in return." He muttered, more to himself than to me, like if trying to reassure himself on his own.
Should I stop him ? I had no chance, the moment his mouth closed over my shaft I stopped to think coherently all-together, blinding pleasure coursing through my veins as he continued to lick it, sliding his mouth off it to kiss it and choking it back down, swallowing it whole, making the tip brush the ridges of the back of his throat, clenching over it convulsively, while his tongue made lazy strokes at the base. He had gotten me crazy and moaning his name almost desperately, though my pride was trying hard to make me stay sane for a decent amount of time, but it was stronger than it, stronger than me, it was impossible to hold anything back. Soft vibration of Duo's throat around me, as he moaned softly himself, sent me over the edge and cumming inside his mouth. He swallowed all down and licked my erection clean, caressing it with his tongue, causing it to harden again immediately. A while after my orgasm had hit me with blinding force and passed, my breathing slowed and mind cleared, while Duo was still panting heavily as he hadn't gotten any kind of relief himself. I needed to offer it to him...
I bet what he feared the most was the penetration, but we could do quite fine without it on his part. That was it, if he was going to be the one on top. It was not supposed to be like that... In our bond, it was obvious I was the one who had upper hand, I was the one to protect him, not the opposite, simply because he seemed and was way more fragile and needed protection, while I did not. He had given up to me, that night before his second attempt on suicide, he had accepted my dominance, but... that really didn't mean he had to be the one fucked in bed. Maybe later, some day, he would manage to fully get over the memories, to forget... but as for now I didn't need to traumatize him, to remind bad things to him.
He looked down at me, puzzled by my absentmindedness, while removing my shirt and pants before getting rid of his as well. I didn't have lubricant, but I was going to stand it without it. I didn't care if he was going to hurt me a bit, maybe I even deserved to feel some small part of the pain I had caused him myself all those years ago, then, when I had almost ripped him apart, almost killed him with that. He should do this the hard way, if only to show me how did it feel. Whatever he would do and no matter how much this would hurt, I would be happy anyway, with the mere knowledge of our union, that we were coming one.
" Fuck me, Duo..." I whispered, noticing how the violet eyes over me widened in shock at my plea.
" W... Why ?" He asked shakily.
" Why not ?"
" Because..."
Because what ? Because almost every gay male wanted to dominate you and not the opposite ? Why should we care about it ? It was going to save you the pain, save you reminding yourself the worst things that had ever happened to you... It would be simply better that way.
" Duo..."
He shook his head, his eyes still wide in disbelief.
" I just... can't imagine..."
" So don't imagine, do it."
He stared down at me thoughtfully for a long time, before putting his hand into his mouth and licking his fingers, covering them completely in thick saliva.
" You're sure, Hee ?" He asked when he removed it.
I was sure, why did he think I would have told him something and ever try to take it back then, he should have known me better than that.
" This may hurt... I don't really know... I don't have experience in
this that way..." He explained, smiling shyly, as he parted my legs with
his second hand and slid one finger inside my entrance, blushing slightly.
His finger was slick enough not to cause too much pain and even when the
second joined it all I felt was dull fullness. Then he slid the third and
began to move his hand. Silent whimper passed my lips before I managed
to clench my jaw, this hurt, a bit, but I had been through worse things,
way worse. Then the pain stopped, replaced with maddening pleasure as he
managed to hit my prostate, once, then twice, with more force. I couldn't
suppress the moan and a whimper when he took his digits away, looking down
at me tenderly with half-lidded eyes. He hesitated before entering me,
so I wrapped my legs around his slim waist and pulled him down, slamming
him hard down inside me, filling me completely in one stroke and brushing
my prostate immediately. Only realizing how much I enjoyed it he began
to move himself and for a long time, agonizingly long minutes filled with
kind of pleasure I had never felt before, we were moving like that together,
moaning and screaming, spoken words louder and less coherent with every
passing second, until I came all over our thighs and stomachs, tightening
around him and making him cum inside me, his semen flowing down my thighs
in thick rivulets, mixed with a bit of my blood I hadn't even realized
had been shed. He removed himself from me and collapsed on top of me, shuddering
violently, tears filling his violet eyes, accompanied with wide, lazy,
contented grin, they were tears of happiness. He muttered he loved me in
my shoulder before his eyes slumped shut and he fell asleep almost immediately
after, his breathing steadying and slowing as the time was passing. Few
minutes later, I joined him, wrapping the sheets around us and falling
asleep as well, cuddling his slight form in my arms.
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