Missing
Premise; A few years after Experience is the Teacher. Grace is now attending the University of Chicago and ,of course, meets up with Mr.Dimitri. August angst ensues. I really liked this song, the title and inspiration for the story is the song - "Missing" by Everything But The Girl
*******.
I step off the train
I'm walking down your street again past your door
But you don't live there anymore
It's been years since you've been there
Now you've disappeared somewhere, like outer space
You've found some better place
And I miss you-like the deserts miss the rain
And I miss you-like the deserts miss the rain
Could you be dead?
You always were two steps ahead, of everyone
We'd walk behind while you would run
I look up at your house
I can almost hear you shout down to me
Where I always used to be
And I miss you- like the deserts miss the rain
And I miss you- like the deserts miss the rain
Back on the train
I ask why did I come again?
Can I confess, I've been hanging round your old address
The years have proved to offer nothing since you moved
You're long gone but I can't move
And I miss you- like the deserts miss the rain
And I miss you- like the deserts miss the rain
And I miss you
I step off the train
*******
A Dimitri Deferred
Lily handed Grace yet another box and a garbage bag stuffed with clothes. "Here honey, I think that's the last of it". Lily sat down on the edge of the dorm room bed and surveyed the place.Looked okay. Grace's roomate had already moved her stuff in and from what Lily could see was probably a nice girl. Grace had mentioned she met her briefly in the hall when Rick and Lily were downstairs unloading the van. It was a typical room, slightly hotelish still since they were not yet settled.
"Oh okay." Grace shoved the bag by a dresser and immediately opened the box to make sure it was the one she thought it was. "So are we going to meet up later for dinner, or are you guys driving home straight away. I know Rick mentioned he had that big meeting tomorrow-"
"He does, but I hate to just leave you-" Lily started parentally concerned. Grace quickly, "No mom, I mean don't even worry about it. I'll just grab something here, you head home and you can call me later." Grace smiled at her mom. She started to empty the garbage bags on her new bed. Lily let out a breath, and hugged Grace when Rick popped his head into the room. Rick felt sort of uncomfortable being in dorm rooms. Co-ed dorm rooms at that. But he was glad to see Grace seemed excited about her 2nd year of school, new classes. And he wanted to stop by and see Eli's apartment before they left the city.
Grace offered, "I could email you later or something".
Lily picked up a few of Grace's things that were sitting on a night table. Some photos in an envelope, a notebook, a pen she didn't recognize. Lily got up, standing , "Is Cole still working at that copier place? We hardly saw him all summer." Grace was distracted with her box, "Uh huh, his last week was this week though. "
"He quit?" Cole was Grace's boyfriend. Lily liked him a lot, he was two years older than Grace. Brown hair, medium height and he was a psychology major. And he was a writer. Lily thought he was perfect for a, it was fairly fair to say , first real boyfriend for Grace. Lily selectively forgot any other entanglements Grace may have previously been involved in. Honestly with a new baby she'd almost never even given a second thought to any of Grace's old friends. Flames. Teachers. But she did know where Grace kept her Chekhov book, and it still very much took Lily back.
Grace looked over ,continuing, "Sort of. He's actually taking a position with this student committee kind of thing, and he's really extremely busy so he thought it would be for the best to concentrate on school."
Rick was starting to fidgit near the door, so Lily hurried up. "I'll call you." But her mom wasn't the first one to call her.
"Judy, hi". Grace cradled the received over to her other ear. She was trying to look up all her classes, figure out which was which and who and where and when. It was attention consuming. Judy was raving on about her upcoming coup for the weekend, she was absolutely on cloud nine over her first musical guest for "Booklovers". It was going to be cutting edge, wonderful and a whole bunch of fun. Judy had plotted and successfully got Lisa Loeb. This was really exciting. She had recently written a new book, a playful take on Hello Kitty (because hello kitty is very symbolic in a good way) "Hello Lisa" and was out promoting it. They were all set to make a night of it at the bookstore. Judy was also researching newest authors in the area, with the hopes of scheduling book signings and personal appearances. Looking over the latest arrivals in the stock, she'd noticed a number of authors where from the area. "-so I could really use some help for this weekend." Judy concluded.
"You mean setting up. We'd love to. It is going to be great!"
Judy smiled a huge smile on her end , "I know. And Jessie and Katie will be there-"
"I thought they couldn't- oh well. Eli's still going?", Grace felt like an idiot as soon as the words left her mouth. Why did she still tap dance about the Eli topic. Because everybody knew, and it was embarrassing? No, of course not. But soon Grace was not thinking of Eli and all, or anybody but Cole who arrived though the door and put his arms around her waist. Grace started to giggle and Judy decided to call back another time.
"So", he was turning her around as her bent to put the receiver down, "Does Judy send me inappropriate kisses."
Grace smiled and looked into his brown eyes, "Always." They kissed a bit, because it had been a few weeks since she saw him. Evanston and Chicago were driving distance but it wasn't like they were totally dependant on each other or anything. Cole stepped back and sat on her bed, he looked around. He was wearing a black shirt button down and grey pants. He looked very mature, intelligent and like he was bound for places. "So new roomate good."
Grace looked over to the other side of the room too and waved her hand, "I guess we'll see. But that's really one of my least worries." She shook some papers towards Cole, "I have this Mr. Bradley for Lit., and everybody is saying he is just- the worst. Apparently he has a complete hatred for the student body. He's not suppose to be that old at all, but just really tough."
"I've had him."
"And -", Grace prompted. Cole lifted up his right hand and tipped it back and forth. Grace sarcastically, "Great!".
Cole who knew Grace he thought fairly well, sighed, and offered up some really good advice. "Just sit somewhere in the middle, answer maybe a few questions a week - that's right (he had put up his hand to stop her , Grace's mouth was open about to break in) limit yourself, self restraint my dear, and of course just do your assignments." He paused, "You know your brilliant, he'll love you. Who doesn't?" Cole smiled at her.
Grace smiled too, but it was tinged a bit with invisible tears because at the least expected times she though about August. And she had expected that would always happen, but it didn't make it hurt any less. Sometimes when she let herself be not busy for a moment, she wondered if he did miss her. He said he would and she believed him, but he never wrote. He never called. He never came back and she had really been sure he would. Grace pushed the thoughts aside and looked at the amazing man before her. She went over to her bed and kissed him.
"So does this mean this year we bend the rules a little.", he asked playfully. His hand on her leg. Grace broke from the paced kisses and shook her head. "I'm sorry."
Cole, "It's okay." He looked in her eyes, "I was just checking in."
Grace nodded, "But you never know."
When classes started up on Tuesday Grace was elated. She was half way there. Another few years and she would able to say she had an English degree. Then what? She'd kept up with her writing and short stories at first, because she was sure once one of them got published, somehow Mr.Dimitri would know and , and what? It would be okay. Everything would work out. She really didn't know what she thought. Visions of his car pulling up alongside her as she walked home near dark and the interior lights would be on. Inviting yet remote, cool yet comforting. She would get in. They would park and talk. August would tell her he needed her, and their lips would once again touch, and her vision stopped there because it was just a much too cruel thing to even think about when faced with reality. A Dimitri out there, somewhere, doing something that she didn't know anything about. She stopped covertly watching for him in every passing car and pedestrian at least a year ago now. Grace had spent many hours scouring the internet hoping to find him someway. But neither an address or phone number or email ever came her way. She'd tried to locate the publishing company of his book of poems with mixed results. The place was no longer in business, it had been bought up as part of a larger company. She had a copy of "Accidently on purpose" though, she's asked Judy to order it. Judy had ,which not so many words, filled the order and not mentioned it to her parents. At least Grace hoped that. That was the one had thing about school, it was hard to pass one without thinking of Mr.Dimitri. Upton Sinclair was forever tainted. She just wanted to apologize to him. If it hadn't been for her, he would have been there her senior year to talk with, to admire, to love in secret, to direct the play. He would possibly even be there still and then she could go back, and pursue him. There wouldn't be any issues then, if only she had waited. But it was completely unfair to Cole to be thinking all this , after just leaving him in the library not 2hrs ago. He was there and he was great. Not to mention he would never hurt her. Grace wondered what it would be like to sleep with him, and why she bothered waiting. It would be so much more freeing just to get that big step behind her.
Mr.Bradley in a lot of ways had her thinking of Dimitri now. He looked about the same age, maybe older. He had short dark hair and she actually found him pretty good natured, maybe the rumours were all wrong. He was wearing a grey suit and had wire rimmed glasses. Grace made note of the pages to read for the week and books to buy and looked around the class to see if she recognized any of the faces. She took the top page off a stack that was being passed around the room. Mr.John Bradley's contact info. At least he was very obliging. Why couldn't Dimitri have offered his email. Grace opened her binder and put the paper in the inset. Then Grace decided enough of thinking of August. She even decided to sleep with Cole that weekend because it was really the best thing that could happen.
Friday after her last class Grace drove her newly purchased used wheels home. The first year public transportation had been okay, she was not familiar with the city so she felt safer that way, but evidently she was going to be pulled towards commuting a lot so she finally bought a mid priced used car. Her dad helped her pick it out and pay. She got one of those bouncing head dogs and put it on the dashboard. Christening him Anton. Grace got to Booklovers for just after dinner. Judy was still not back from wherever she went so Grace picked up a new release. It wasn't really notable but it was new and the jacket description sounded not bad; it was about a family. Grace put the book down on the counter, it was going to be so exciting, Lisa Loeb! Grace really hoped she was going to sing that song from that movie with Ethan Hawke.
Suddenly Grace was sure she had just hallucinated because it was impossible. Right there on the floor where a dozen copies of this book. And the author of the book was August Dimitri. Grace half tripped and fell off her stool moving towards the pile. It was not possible! She picked one up and was alarmed to see her hands were trembling.
"Back on the train", poems by August Dimitri.
Grace hugged the book. She was almost scared to open it, to look back down at the cover and for the name to have disappeared. It was like the holy grail of Dimitri. She laughed out loud and relaxing her arms let the book gently fall forward in her hands. She turned it over and inside the back of the jacket was a picture. He still had his shoulder length hair, and he was smiling. A color photo too- not something that's always seen on a book jacket. Lost she looked at the picture for a least five minutes but the time elapsed so quickly. She wanted to see a dedication. She didn't want to see a dedication at all. Grace turned over the book and flipped the first few pages reverently. No dedication, in a way that was a relief- it would have been astounding to see one written to her but it was much more fitting that there wasn't one (didn't that sum up their whole relationship). At least the book wasn't dedicated to anyone else either. There was the usual thank-yous to editors and others. To his family. Grace realized with surprise she'd never actually thought about him in terms of having a family. Grace wondered if her mom had seen the book, she was sure Judy must have but why would she not tell Grace right away. Grace turned to see the table of contents, but the page between the thank you and the start had something that made her heart beat irregularly. A quote from "On Love".
"Oh my God." Grace held the book again, and was somewhere simply too overcome to even read it. Then anyway. Because now she could find him. She thought about leaving the book out for her mom, Rick, even her dad to see but then changed her mind. She would definitely show Jessie and Katie though. They had all known him from school, the play- they would be surprised to see it. But then she changed her mind yet again, and pushed the pile of books slightly into the shadow of a bookcase and out of the way. Judy came in almost minutes later. To get ready. For Lisa Loeb.
~~
Premise; A few years after Experience is the Teacher. Grace is now attending the University of Chicago and ,of course, meets up with Mr.Dimitri. August angst ensues. I really liked this song, the title and inspiration for the story is the song - "Missing" by Everything But The Girl
*******.
I step off the train
I'm walking down your street again past your door
But you don't live there anymore
It's been years since you've been there
Now you've disappeared somewhere, like outer space
You've found some better place
And I miss you-like the deserts miss the rain
And I miss you-like the deserts miss the rain
Could you be dead?
You always were two steps ahead, of everyone
We'd walk behind while you would run
I look up at your house
I can almost hear you shout down to me
Where I always used to be
And I miss you- like the deserts miss the rain
And I miss you- like the deserts miss the rain
Back on the train
I ask why did I come again?
Can I confess, I've been hanging round your old address
The years have proved to offer nothing since you moved
You're long gone but I can't move
And I miss you- like the deserts miss the rain
And I miss you- like the deserts miss the rain
And I miss you
I step off the train
*******
A Dimitri Deferred
Lily handed Grace yet another box and a garbage bag stuffed with clothes. "Here honey, I think that's the last of it". Lily sat down on the edge of the dorm room bed and surveyed the place.Looked okay. Grace's roomate had already moved her stuff in and from what Lily could see was probably a nice girl. Grace had mentioned she met her briefly in the hall when Rick and Lily were downstairs unloading the van. It was a typical room, slightly hotelish still since they were not yet settled.
"Oh okay." Grace shoved the bag by a dresser and immediately opened the box to make sure it was the one she thought it was. "So are we going to meet up later for dinner, or are you guys driving home straight away. I know Rick mentioned he had that big meeting tomorrow-"
"He does, but I hate to just leave you-" Lily started parentally concerned. Grace quickly, "No mom, I mean don't even worry about it. I'll just grab something here, you head home and you can call me later." Grace smiled at her mom. She started to empty the garbage bags on her new bed. Lily let out a breath, and hugged Grace when Rick popped his head into the room. Rick felt sort of uncomfortable being in dorm rooms. Co-ed dorm rooms at that. But he was glad to see Grace seemed excited about her 2nd year of school, new classes. And he wanted to stop by and see Eli's apartment before they left the city.
Grace offered, "I could email you later or something".
Lily picked up a few of Grace's things that were sitting on a night table. Some photos in an envelope, a notebook, a pen she didn't recognize. Lily got up, standing , "Is Cole still working at that copier place? We hardly saw him all summer." Grace was distracted with her box, "Uh huh, his last week was this week though. "
"He quit?" Cole was Grace's boyfriend. Lily liked him a lot, he was two years older than Grace. Brown hair, medium height and he was a psychology major. And he was a writer. Lily thought he was perfect for a, it was fairly fair to say , first real boyfriend for Grace. Lily selectively forgot any other entanglements Grace may have previously been involved in. Honestly with a new baby she'd almost never even given a second thought to any of Grace's old friends. Flames. Teachers. But she did know where Grace kept her Chekhov book, and it still very much took Lily back.
Grace looked over ,continuing, "Sort of. He's actually taking a position with this student committee kind of thing, and he's really extremely busy so he thought it would be for the best to concentrate on school."
Rick was starting to fidgit near the door, so Lily hurried up. "I'll call you." But her mom wasn't the first one to call her.
"Judy, hi". Grace cradled the received over to her other ear. She was trying to look up all her classes, figure out which was which and who and where and when. It was attention consuming. Judy was raving on about her upcoming coup for the weekend, she was absolutely on cloud nine over her first musical guest for "Booklovers". It was going to be cutting edge, wonderful and a whole bunch of fun. Judy had plotted and successfully got Lisa Loeb. This was really exciting. She had recently written a new book, a playful take on Hello Kitty (because hello kitty is very symbolic in a good way) "Hello Lisa" and was out promoting it. They were all set to make a night of it at the bookstore. Judy was also researching newest authors in the area, with the hopes of scheduling book signings and personal appearances. Looking over the latest arrivals in the stock, she'd noticed a number of authors where from the area. "-so I could really use some help for this weekend." Judy concluded.
"You mean setting up. We'd love to. It is going to be great!"
Judy smiled a huge smile on her end , "I know. And Jessie and Katie will be there-"
"I thought they couldn't- oh well. Eli's still going?", Grace felt like an idiot as soon as the words left her mouth. Why did she still tap dance about the Eli topic. Because everybody knew, and it was embarrassing? No, of course not. But soon Grace was not thinking of Eli and all, or anybody but Cole who arrived though the door and put his arms around her waist. Grace started to giggle and Judy decided to call back another time.
"So", he was turning her around as her bent to put the receiver down, "Does Judy send me inappropriate kisses."
Grace smiled and looked into his brown eyes, "Always." They kissed a bit, because it had been a few weeks since she saw him. Evanston and Chicago were driving distance but it wasn't like they were totally dependant on each other or anything. Cole stepped back and sat on her bed, he looked around. He was wearing a black shirt button down and grey pants. He looked very mature, intelligent and like he was bound for places. "So new roomate good."
Grace looked over to the other side of the room too and waved her hand, "I guess we'll see. But that's really one of my least worries." She shook some papers towards Cole, "I have this Mr. Bradley for Lit., and everybody is saying he is just- the worst. Apparently he has a complete hatred for the student body. He's not suppose to be that old at all, but just really tough."
"I've had him."
"And -", Grace prompted. Cole lifted up his right hand and tipped it back and forth. Grace sarcastically, "Great!".
Cole who knew Grace he thought fairly well, sighed, and offered up some really good advice. "Just sit somewhere in the middle, answer maybe a few questions a week - that's right (he had put up his hand to stop her , Grace's mouth was open about to break in) limit yourself, self restraint my dear, and of course just do your assignments." He paused, "You know your brilliant, he'll love you. Who doesn't?" Cole smiled at her.
Grace smiled too, but it was tinged a bit with invisible tears because at the least expected times she though about August. And she had expected that would always happen, but it didn't make it hurt any less. Sometimes when she let herself be not busy for a moment, she wondered if he did miss her. He said he would and she believed him, but he never wrote. He never called. He never came back and she had really been sure he would. Grace pushed the thoughts aside and looked at the amazing man before her. She went over to her bed and kissed him.
"So does this mean this year we bend the rules a little.", he asked playfully. His hand on her leg. Grace broke from the paced kisses and shook her head. "I'm sorry."
Cole, "It's okay." He looked in her eyes, "I was just checking in."
Grace nodded, "But you never know."
When classes started up on Tuesday Grace was elated. She was half way there. Another few years and she would able to say she had an English degree. Then what? She'd kept up with her writing and short stories at first, because she was sure once one of them got published, somehow Mr.Dimitri would know and , and what? It would be okay. Everything would work out. She really didn't know what she thought. Visions of his car pulling up alongside her as she walked home near dark and the interior lights would be on. Inviting yet remote, cool yet comforting. She would get in. They would park and talk. August would tell her he needed her, and their lips would once again touch, and her vision stopped there because it was just a much too cruel thing to even think about when faced with reality. A Dimitri out there, somewhere, doing something that she didn't know anything about. She stopped covertly watching for him in every passing car and pedestrian at least a year ago now. Grace had spent many hours scouring the internet hoping to find him someway. But neither an address or phone number or email ever came her way. She'd tried to locate the publishing company of his book of poems with mixed results. The place was no longer in business, it had been bought up as part of a larger company. She had a copy of "Accidently on purpose" though, she's asked Judy to order it. Judy had ,which not so many words, filled the order and not mentioned it to her parents. At least Grace hoped that. That was the one had thing about school, it was hard to pass one without thinking of Mr.Dimitri. Upton Sinclair was forever tainted. She just wanted to apologize to him. If it hadn't been for her, he would have been there her senior year to talk with, to admire, to love in secret, to direct the play. He would possibly even be there still and then she could go back, and pursue him. There wouldn't be any issues then, if only she had waited. But it was completely unfair to Cole to be thinking all this , after just leaving him in the library not 2hrs ago. He was there and he was great. Not to mention he would never hurt her. Grace wondered what it would be like to sleep with him, and why she bothered waiting. It would be so much more freeing just to get that big step behind her.
Mr.Bradley in a lot of ways had her thinking of Dimitri now. He looked about the same age, maybe older. He had short dark hair and she actually found him pretty good natured, maybe the rumours were all wrong. He was wearing a grey suit and had wire rimmed glasses. Grace made note of the pages to read for the week and books to buy and looked around the class to see if she recognized any of the faces. She took the top page off a stack that was being passed around the room. Mr.John Bradley's contact info. At least he was very obliging. Why couldn't Dimitri have offered his email. Grace opened her binder and put the paper in the inset. Then Grace decided enough of thinking of August. She even decided to sleep with Cole that weekend because it was really the best thing that could happen.
Friday after her last class Grace drove her newly purchased used wheels home. The first year public transportation had been okay, she was not familiar with the city so she felt safer that way, but evidently she was going to be pulled towards commuting a lot so she finally bought a mid priced used car. Her dad helped her pick it out and pay. She got one of those bouncing head dogs and put it on the dashboard. Christening him Anton. Grace got to Booklovers for just after dinner. Judy was still not back from wherever she went so Grace picked up a new release. It wasn't really notable but it was new and the jacket description sounded not bad; it was about a family. Grace put the book down on the counter, it was going to be so exciting, Lisa Loeb! Grace really hoped she was going to sing that song from that movie with Ethan Hawke.
Suddenly Grace was sure she had just hallucinated because it was impossible. Right there on the floor where a dozen copies of this book. And the author of the book was August Dimitri. Grace half tripped and fell off her stool moving towards the pile. It was not possible! She picked one up and was alarmed to see her hands were trembling.
"Back on the train", poems by August Dimitri.
Grace hugged the book. She was almost scared to open it, to look back down at the cover and for the name to have disappeared. It was like the holy grail of Dimitri. She laughed out loud and relaxing her arms let the book gently fall forward in her hands. She turned it over and inside the back of the jacket was a picture. He still had his shoulder length hair, and he was smiling. A color photo too- not something that's always seen on a book jacket. Lost she looked at the picture for a least five minutes but the time elapsed so quickly. She wanted to see a dedication. She didn't want to see a dedication at all. Grace turned over the book and flipped the first few pages reverently. No dedication, in a way that was a relief- it would have been astounding to see one written to her but it was much more fitting that there wasn't one (didn't that sum up their whole relationship). At least the book wasn't dedicated to anyone else either. There was the usual thank-yous to editors and others. To his family. Grace realized with surprise she'd never actually thought about him in terms of having a family. Grace wondered if her mom had seen the book, she was sure Judy must have but why would she not tell Grace right away. Grace turned to see the table of contents, but the page between the thank you and the start had something that made her heart beat irregularly. A quote from "On Love".
"Oh my God." Grace held the book again, and was somewhere simply too overcome to even read it. Then anyway. Because now she could find him. She thought about leaving the book out for her mom, Rick, even her dad to see but then changed her mind. She would definitely show Jessie and Katie though. They had all known him from school, the play- they would be surprised to see it. But then she changed her mind yet again, and pushed the pile of books slightly into the shadow of a bookcase and out of the way. Judy came in almost minutes later. To get ready. For Lisa Loeb.
~~