Chapter 5

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Warnings for character death and some extreme angst. Slashy implications start here, nothing explicit but it you find the concept upsetting then stop reading now.

Spoiler (ish) for Lazarus Syndrome, just a little mention - can you spot it?

Wow, more Shal? And here was I thinking people would be complaining about not enough Adam/Brennan/Jesse!

Two days now she had been away from Sanctuary, two days with nothing but a phone call to let her know that Emma was still holding on. But tonight Adam had sounded even more dejected than he had the night before. Emma was letting go, he told her. It wouldn't be much longer now.

Laying down in the small room that the pack had kept for her, Shalimar struggled to find rest. She had spent much time over the last few days getting to know the pack, helping out in the running of the club, playing with Kitten anything she could do to take her mind off things. But sleep had evaded her and she was running out of things to do. She felt her thoughts slip away as she was pulled under by a force more powerful than her self.

The room was wild with energy, colours moving in swirls about her head. A maelstrom buffeting her. She could feel a wooden floor beneath her bare feet but could not see it through the controlling movement. A long loose skirt brushed her ankles, blown by a purple stream. A red haze encircled her head and in all of this there were emotions, flaring left and right, jumping out at her, crawling over her skin. Pain, disgrace, loneliness, despair. Emotions drove her to her knees, tears streamed her face. "Enough." She screamed. "Enough."

And then there was calm. The clouds drifted away leaving the sunshine of relief and a hand took hers, leading her away.

She was sat by the edge of Sanctuary's meditation pool, staring into the water. Gentle hands held hers, arms encircling her, and she leant back into them, her head resting into the hollow of a shoulder. Looking up she wasn't surprised to find Emma's face. Looking out and away from her she found a writhing cloud, held back into the corners of the room as if by glass walls.

"This is what she did to you." She murmured, watching as occasional tendrils of coloured smoke made their way out into the room, only to evaporate quietly into nothing.

"Welcome to my mind." Emma replied, and Shalimar smiled to hear her voice; somehow more real in this than any image of her.

"We're loosing you Emma. What can we do?"

"Hush." A soft hand brushed her cheek, staying her as she tried to rise. "You're here Shalimar. It's perfect. Everything will be fine now."

"But" She gasped as the walls seemed to fall in, releasing the tirade of emotions that began to stalk towards them. A hand on her shoulder restrained her, stopped her from rising again.

"Stay with me, Shalimar. Don't leave me." She turned in Emma's arms, so they held each other and kissed her softly on the forehead. "I will never leave you, Emma. Never." And then it hit.

There was a moment when she wondered if she might be dead. Having joined Emma in the afterwards just through the power of her promise. There was a deep quiet, like the moment just after heavy rainfall, when the air smells new and fresh and everything is weighed down by water. She could feel Emma, still held tightly in her arms, a warmth beside her. She opened her eyes to Emma's face. The air around them was clear and sharp, ringing with emptiness. There was nothing there but them.

And then Emma started to slip. She could feel her drop away, dragged away from her by some invisible force. Emma lifted one of Shalimar's hands to her lips and laid a kiss on the knuckles, tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry." She called as she faded away, the connection broken leaving Shalimar so very alone. And Emma was gone.

Jesse sank quietly to the ground, tears in his eyes, as Adam drew the cloth over her head. Brennan had run from the room a moment ago, but Jesse couldn't bring himself to leave. His legs would no longer support him. Adam turned as if to say something, to offer some condolence or support, but stopped. Unable to find words to express his own anguish, he turned away. No words could soften this blow; there were no sentiments to be shared. For now all they could share was their tears for her. Their endless tears.

She was shivering; tears streaked her face and a void where her heart used to be ached terribly. A light appeared at her door, framing a figure in silhouette. "Shalimar?" Onca's voice asked softly. "The pack would have you join us, if not for good then just for tonight. We would not let you stay alone this night."

Dus offered a small smile as Shalimar appeared at the doorway and gestured to a space already occupied by a blanket and pillow. Nodding in acceptance, Shalimar moved into the space, curling up with the blanket.

"Sleep well, Shalimar." Dus said. "Tonight the pack will watch over you. Tomorrow is the day to think and respect." Shalimar offered a small smile in response.

"Thank you Dus."

Closing her eyes and trying to ignore the sense of people watching her, she nearly jumped into the air when a cold nose and warm hands touched her back. Looking over her shoulder she found Kitten, bundled up in a Garfield T-shirt, arms round her waist and cold nose buried in her back. The young blond looked up and blinked owlishly at her as she turned. "Sorry, my nose is cold." She whispered, before returning to her previous position. Smiling now, Shalimar merely nodded and returned her head to the pillow.

It was almost two hours later and still Shalimar wasn't asleep. The warm bundle at her back breathed slowly and deeply, sleeping soundly. In the quiet she couldn't help but let her mind drift towards thoughts she'd been trying to avoid. Thoughts of Emma.

She thought of the first time they had met, Emma's fear, anger, confusion. The fire that had burned in her eyes. And what eyes

The spite in her voice when she had spit that word. 'Freak'. Her understanding and acceptance; shown in those eyes, so open and readable. She thought of the time that they had spent fighting for Mutant X, for their own freedom and safety, and for others. Her empathy, a smile in dark times, a gentle touch when contact is needed. Her tears when they were too late, too slow, too weak to save the day.

Her heart quaked as she thought of the paleness of her face, as she lay there, no breath stirring her body. And the chaos of thoughts that had filled those eyes as the feral had sobbed and thanked the gods for the life returned to her. And those eyes

Those eyes sparkling with excitement, wonder, laughter. Those eyes filled with fear or worry, though so rarely for her self. Those eyes that could harden in times of need, the only side to the child's face that showed the pain in her life. The eyes that revealed her innermost thoughts or desires. Those eyes suggesting something more, a something that had never happened, her own weakness to blame.

The eyes that had met hers over the water of Sanctuary, another's thoughts and emotions whirling around them, the eyes that told her the end was soon to come.

She was unaware of the concerned faces that watched her, soft words that soothed her, the warm presence at her side, rocking her gently. She stood up and away like a puppet drawn on strings, feeling weak, not sure whether or not the world could support her without Emma's presence. Silent tears spoke nothing of the screaming that she could hear inside.

A hand at the small of her back supported her, another rested on her shoulder, and a third wiped the tears from her face. Looking up she found her pack, her friends. The expected nothing from her yet offered all they could. She was home.