AN: Right. Have to admit. I am REALLY terrible at writing for Jesse and Brennan. Jesse isn't quite as bad as Brennan but still, it's not good. (I'm not even going to mention Adam) This is an APPOLOGY. You won't get them often, enjoy it. I had someone tell me the other day that this story didn't have a baddie. Brennan got elected for this chapter. Any oddities in their characters, you can blame it on the fact their best friend just died.

Thanks for reviews!

On with the show

Chapter 6

"Jesse." Adam spoke softly from the doorway of Emma's bedroom. Jesse was sat beside Emma's bed, his face pale and his eyes reddened. He didn't respond to his name, but Adam knew that he had heard. "Jesse I need you to go and find Shalimar. I have an address. She she needs to come back to us now. This won't be easy for her. She was very close to Emma." Adam could feel a lump rising in his throat even at the mention of her name. How could the team have gotten so close in so short a time? Emma and Brennan had hardly been with them for a year and Emma's death had hit them all so much harder than he had ever expected. Especially Shalimar, he thought. The memory of the phone call that had taken place shortly after Emma's death was fresh in his mind. He had been surprised to hear that Emma had made a connection with Shalimar across the distance and saddened to hear the pain in Shalimar's voice. He knew she would have done anything for the Empath, she would have given her own life if it would have helped. And Emma would have done the same in return.

Now they needed to start rebuilding, to take courage in the thought that there were still New Mutants out there who needed them. All of them.

"Why Adam? Why did she leave us? Why did she leave Emma?" Adam looked up, registering Jesse's presence before he thought of the words that had been spoken.

"Because I made her. Because I thought it was for the best." He gave a wry smile full of pain. "Wouldn't be the first mistake I've made, would it?" And with that he turned away and headed for his lab. Maybe in his work he could find solace from the guilt that burned now ever brighter in his mind.

Dus lead Jesse to the concealed ladder in one of the store rooms. "We have made sure that someone has stayed with her at all times, should she need someone to talk to or to seek reassurance from. But she has not spoken since she received the phone call from Adam. I worry for her terribly. Such behaviour is not good for a person, her soul or her sanity."

Jesse's first impression of the room he was shown was that it was like a litter of puppies, very large puppies, all asleep and wrapped up in each other in one big pile in the middle of the room. There were at least twenty ferals in the room, several of whom he recognised, either from his missions with Mutant X or from the rescue that Shalimar had pulled off when the feral virus had been around. Searching the pile for that familiar mane of wild blond hair he struggled to distinguish between individuals, a sea of limbs and the dull half-light making identification difficult. Finally he spotted her, caught tightly in the embrace of another feral, cheeks visibly reddened by tears. Another feral covered her other side and a young child lay by her legs. She looked so peaceful that Jesse loathed disturbing her. Gently he knelt by her side, tucking a stay loop of hair behind her ear and smiling as it refused to stay restrained, immediately tumbling back onto her face. Just as he thought he might leave her in peace, she looked up at him.

"Jesse?" She asked uncertainly, as though she wasn't completely sure he was real.

"Hey Shalimar. I came to talk to you." He whispered in reply, noting with a little surprise that whatever anger he had harboured at Shalimar, for abandoning Emma, had faded away with the utterance of his name.

Shalimar glanced around, only now noticing the people surrounding her, offering their comfort. "Downstairs, I'll see you in a minute."

"I know she's gone Jesse, if that's what you're here to tell me."

"Why did you leave, Shal? What happened?" Shalimar sighed tiredly and collapsed gracefully into a nearby chair.

"As As Emma died her barriers, the ones that keep everyone else's emotions on the outside and hers on the inside, they started to collapse in on her. Somehow — Adam said it was something to do with the whole destabilisation thing that was going on in her DNA — she connected with me, to try and get back some control, for some support, and all I could think about was my own pain. I was hurting her mentally and she couldn't move away, couldn't let go of the connection. I couldn't control my own emotions so the only thing I could do was to make sure that I was somewhere where I couldn't hurt her. I couldn't stand to cause her pain not so close to the end." Jesse nodded, everything made more sense now. This was the past, though, and now they would have to look to the future.

"So when are you coming back to us. You need to explain to Brennan. He won't let Adam talk to him."

I don't think I can go back Jesse, to the way things were before. Just to carry on. There's nothing there for me now. I'm I'm thinking of joining the pack for good."

"You want to leave us now?"

"There were reasons before, reasons for staying. When I first met Adam I wanted to prove something, prove I was worth something, prove I could belong. Then you came along and all I wanted to do was to show you the same things. When Emma and Brennan joined Mutant X there was nowhere I would rather have been. We were We were a family. I can't do it without her, Jesse, There's nothing there for me anymore." Jesse looked up, realisation dawning.

"You loved her, didn't you. Different to how we loved her."

"How could you know that?"

"You're so transparent, Shalimar. And I've known you longer than anyone, except perhaps Adam. You can't pretend for me, not anymore."

"I wasn't sure you'd understand."

"Before now, I'm not sure I would have."

"We both knew, Jesse. We both knew and nothing ever happened, we never took it anywhere. We never did anything and now now we never will."

"Why didn't you do anything about it? Why didn't it go further?"

"I was too scared. We had such a wonderful friendship; I never wanted to loose that on the chance that something might go wrong. I didn't want to risk her refusal." Shalimar laughed, her voice rough and full of self-loathing. "I know now that she would never have said no, I just I never thought it through; I always jumped to too many conclusions. I was a coward because I couldn't say what needed to be said. I walked away every time we brushed the edge. And now it's too late."

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"Jesse." Brennan greeted, looking around the Helix bay. "Why isn't Shalimar with you?"

"She might not be coming back, Brennan."

"Not coming back? What are you talking about, Jesse. What's going on?"

"She might stay with the pack, she's planning on leaving Mutant X."

"She can't! She can't be that selfish." Jesse was startled by the aggression in Brennan's voice.

"Drop it, Brennan. It's her choice." He retorted. Fuming, Brennan stormed off, leaving Jesse staring after him, bemused.

"Don't worry about him." Jesse looked round as Adam appeared in one of the other doorways. "It's just his way of handling his pain. He'll calm down eventually. When he does, do you think you could go and explain? He needs to know why she left or he'll never forgive her." Nodding, Jesse turned, looking down the hall after Brennan.

"Sure." Jesse frowned as he thought what this all might mean for them. He had been worried about Shalimar, but hadn't thought about what it could mean for Mutant X. Life without Emma or Shalimar. They'd still see Shalimar, of course, but who could ever replace them on the team?

Brennan shifted up another gear and took the car another couple of kilometres per hour over the speed limit. The rush of air felt good, the soft Gs he was pulling around the bends went someway towards soothing the sickness he felt in his stomach. He had failed her, failed Emma. They all had. But Shalimar most of all. There was no excuse for what she had done, none what so ever. And he would tell her exactly that. Decision made, he span the car lightly round 360° and headed back towards the club.

She was sat at a table when he walked in, facing a young girl. Between them was a Draughts board; half way through a game. Shalimar's face wore a frown and the child's a jubilant grin and, looking over Shalimar's shoulder Brennan could see that Shalimar was loosing terribly. Taking a fourth piece into 'king' status, and knocking out Shalimar's last piece as she did it, the girl looked up at Brennan curiously.

"OK." Shalimar spoke. "You win. Head into the hall and I'll teach you some moves." The girl whooped and dashed out of the large door at the far end of the room. Brennan thought for a moment that Shalimar might leave too, not having noticed him or ignoring him purposefully, but once the girl had left the room she turned to him.

"What do you want Brennan?" She asked, curious, but not angry at his presence as he had expected.

"I want to ask why you did it."

"Did what?"

"Abandoned her." She winced and turned away from him.

"I have talked to Jesse about it, Brennan, and Adam already knows. I'm tired of this, please don't make me go through it again. I've had enough."

"You abandoned her then and you're abandoning us now." He told her retreating form as she headed towards the door Kitten had taken. "I thought I knew you Shalimar. I thought you were strong. I guess none of us really knew you, Emma least of all." She looked back at him and the eyes he looked into were not those of his friend - soft and always part way to a grin, eyes that could find the fun, or the adrenaline rush, in any situation. They weren't even the golden eyes of the feral, animalistic and slightly threatening, but still warm. The eyes he stared into were hard and cold. Something in that glance made him take a step back.

The blow that came was completely unexpected, knocking him to the ground. Immediately she was at his side, lifting him from where he lay, bringing her face into his.

"You think I left her because I WANTED TO? It tore me apart, Brennan. Leaving Emma killed me inside. I love her" She stammered at her own unexpected admission. All traces of anger flowing out of her voice, as though she no longer had the energy to fight him. "I loved her and Adam asked me to walk away as she died. I did it to help her, Brennan. To at least make her last days comfortable." She wasn't shouting any more, her voice trailing away into a whisper. Everything she had was gone, there was nothing anymore but the movement of the clock hands. Letting go of Brennan's shirt she let him drop back to the floor, turning slowly to follow Kitten out into the main hall.

As she walked away Brennan reached after her. "I'm sorry." He called out. "I never knew." She stopped in the doorway and turned back to him.

"Now you know." She spoke softly, offering a sad smile. They had both lost someone this day. "The pack would like to offer a replacement for me, temporary or permanent, they don't mind. The world needs the team, Brennan. The world needs Mutant X. I just can't do that anymore."

"What if we said we couldn't do it without you?"

"You'd be lying." She stated firmly. "Everyone's replaceable, Brennan. Everybody." And with that, she walked out, closing the door firmly behind her.

Sorry this is so depressing. I really am. It might get better, or it might not. Oh and manticore gurl - you think I'm gonna tell you that!