Do What You Have to Do
Part XII
The soft buzz of the doorbell jogged Spike from his well-deserved slumber. He lifted his head and groaned at the kink that shot through his neck.
"Bloody hell," he mumbled, massaging the protesting body part. His sleep filled eyes fell onto the muted picture of the television and he smiled, remembering the night before.
After their talk in the cemetery, he and Buffy had stopped by the newly expanded Willie's. He had added a video section, considering that demons liked movies, too, and they rented a couple of DVD's from the place. They had also stocked up on candy, something that Buffy considered "a necessary goodness, especially if we're going to watch those movies", a demand to which Spike had relinquished to. The wrapper-covered table was a testament to the sugary binge they had both indulged in and he had been surprised that sleep had actually been attained.
"Speaking of sleep," Spike smiled as he took in the peaceful form of the slayer. The woman that sent fear into the denizens of the underworld was huddled in the opposite corner of the couch, her hair tied in a loose ponytail. When they had gotten here, she had gone to change into her jammies. That consisted of a white tank top (plus sports bra in order to "quell any piggish thoughts" that may have flashed through his mind) and a matching pair of Joe Boxer house pants that were designed with little brown lines that curiously looked like stakes. He had teased her about it and she had just shrugged though she couldn't hide the gleam of amusement from her eyes. He had left it alone but was far from done teasing her about such a cute getup for his slayer.
The doorbell buzzed again, this time accompanied by a softer knock and Spike rose to his feet. Reaching for the sky, he stretched the tight muscles in his back before walking over to Buffy. Kneeling down in front of her, he admired her peaceful repose. Her head leaned on the arm of the chair; one hand acting as a minor pillow while her other hand was snugly positioned between her legs that were drawn up to her chest. She looked like nothing short of an angel in the early morning light and he couldn't resist the urge to touch her.
He reached a tentative hand out towards her face and stopped when the bang on the door lost some of its timidity. Tucking a strand of hair that had fallen in her face behind her ear, Spike rose and sauntered to the door.
"Buffy, I'm sorry I…" Willow began as the door opened, only to stop when she saw the sandy haired man that stared back at her.
" 'Lo Red," Spike said, offering his favorite witch his trademark smirk.
"Spike?" The Wicca stuttered, dropping her purse as she stepped towards her former comrade. "Is it really…?"
"Far as I can tell, it's still me," he answered sheepishly as her hand caressed the chiseled angles of his jaw.
Green eyes were locked on blue and Spike began to feel somewhat uncomfortable with Willow's prying eyes. A number of emotions passed before them: anger, disappointment, hurt, relief, confusion and joy. He didn't know which she would display first though he had resigned himself to feel the anger and hurt of another person he had unwittingly caused pain to.
So it was quite unexpected when he found himself tackled to the ground, victim of a hundred and ten pound bear hug by the formerly bashful computer nerd.
"You're back," Willow smiled into his cheek as she pelted him with kisses and Spike fought the lump in his throat at the heartfelt welcome, though as her tears touched his skin, Spike felt a wave of sadness and guilt threaten to overwhelm him.
"What's going on?" Buffy demanded as she raced into the foyer. The commotion of bodies hitting the floor had energized her sleep-addled brain into action and she had drawn the poker from the fireplace, ready and willing to use it as a weapon on the possible intruder. The adrenaline pumping through her veins had initiated her fast response though it stopped upon seeing the tangle of limbs before her.
Dressed in jeans and a red windbreaker, Willow straddled an obviously stunned Spike, her arms wrapped tightly around the ex-vampire in a crushing embrace. Spike's arms hung loosely around her waist as one hand stroked her back tenderly. He glanced up at Buffy and offered the slayer one of those shy smiles she rarely had the chance to see. The warmth that coursed through her body from it and the embrace her best friend gave Spike was pleasantly overwhelming and she sunk to her knees, smiling at the two.
"He's back," Willow said hoarsely, her voice full of emotion. Buffy's right hand absently stroked Willow's shoulder-length hair and she replied to the witch's comment.
"Seems that way, doesn't it?" Her voice was soft and playful and Willow scrunched her nose in mock-indignation.
"Well, hey," she said in defense, "it's not like I was told or anything. And…and, I…"
"And you've been holed up for the past week and a half, away from civilization, working on your thesis that won't be due for another six months," Buffy smiled at her friend who returned the gaze.
"Well, yeah, that too. But you could have called me," she replied her hands absently stroking Spike's hair.
"Yeah," Buffy had the decency to look ashamed at not giving her best friend the news. True, she had told Willow she was going to search for him, but she hadn't said when. Also, she really hadn't known what to say in the first place and had hoped the answer to that question would have come to her. Obviously, it never did.
"As much as I love two beautiful women leaning over me like so," the ignored Spike said, "what'll the neighbors think of this little scene?" Both women looked at him and back to each other and they shot to their feet. Willow's cheeks flamed a deeper red than her hair and the former immortal smirked before holding his hands out. The two women grabbed his hands before helping him to his feet. Rolling a crink out of his neck, Spike gave Willow a genuine smile before putting his arm around her shoulders. "Missed you, too, Red," he offered and planted a kiss on the top of her head, letting his outward affection mask the confusion of Willow's warm reception.
The three friends stood awkwardly in the foyer, shuffling their feet before Buffy finally spoke up. "Well, not to put a damper on things, but maybe we should go into the living room." Willow and Spike nodded their agreement and Buffy closed the door.
"Bet you got a lot of questions, huh, Red?" Spike asked, escorting the red head towards the recliner.
"You have no idea," she replied as the shock wore off and the questions formulated in her mind.
***
"So," Willow says, her eyes shift between me and Spike, "you're human now, but not human? You're still one with the superpowers?"
"Got it in one, Red," Spike replies to Willow's recap of the last half hour. Spike told her the basics of his new lease on life, though some of the more—unseemly—details concerning the trials had been purposely omitted. I can tell that Willow knows Spike held back a bit on the intimates of everything and a part of me feels good about that. I know, it sounds cheesy and selfish, but I can't help but feel special knowing that I'm the only one that gets the Full Monty…so to speak.
"How long are you staying in good ol' Sunny D?" Willow's question snaps me out of my reverie and back into the present and, though I know the answer, I focus on Spike's answer.
"For the foreseeable future," he responds, giving me a look that causes my cheeks to flush in embarrassment and other things that shall remain nameless at this moment.
"I see," Willow nods and cuts me a knowing glance that screams 'we are so going to talk about this later' and I lower my eyes, not wanting to give anything away to Spike. Fat chance of that happening though.
"Well," he says, dramatically stretching his arms towards the ceiling and I notice, not for the first time the tight fit of the black tank top he changed into last night. It really leaves nothing to the imagination and I force myself to look him in the eye.
Bad move, Buffy.
"Guess I'll go and grab a shower, if that's alright for you, pet?" He arches a scarred eyebrow my way and though I can see the desire clearly reflecting off his magnificent eyes, he doesn't tease me at my obvious gawking. Well, at least he's holding up to his end of the deal.
I nod dumbly before scrounging up something to say. "Uh, yeah, that's fine. Me and Wills have some catching up to do anyway." I say even though we're gonna go shopping in a few hours.
"Right, then," he smiles boyishly before closing the distance between he and Willow, dropping a warm kiss on her cheek that makes her blush. "Good to see you again, Red."
"You too, Spike," she smiles, "we really have to chat sometime." Their eyes lock and for the first time I see the connection they have with one another. I don't know if it's always been there or it's the mutual understanding of taking a human life, but I am thankful that they now have someone who intimately understands.
I'm also glad they don't see the twinge of jealousy alight in my eyes.
"That we do, love, that we do," he answers, his eyes somber. But as quickly as the sadness was there, it passes and his eyes flare to life once more. "Well ladies, until later, I bid ye adieu." He gives us a mock bow before sauntering out of the room. I can't help but admire the ripple of his back muscles under the black tee, or the way his butt sways in that Big Bad way of his…
I peak a glance at Willow and see that I'm not the only one admiring the view. "Wills!" I gasp in mock horror and the look on her face is priceless. The laughter that follows is the only thing that throws her off the tint of jealousy in my tone and it's not long before she joins in.
"Wow," she whispers after coming to sit next to me on the couch.
"Yeah, wow," I agree, knowing what she's talking about.
"If I wasn't gay Buffy, I would ravage him like a starving man's steak."
"Will!" I slap her thigh and this time there is no denying my jealousy. She turns to me, resting her head on the back of the couch and her hands slide between her legs that are now drawn up under her.
"What?" she asks mischievously, "I was just appreciating the manly goodness that was before us." Her look of innocence belies her words and I frown at her. It only elicits another laugh from her and, instead of laughing my frown deepens until Willow's cheeks are as a deep crimson. Finally, I do chuckle lightly though not with the same fervor as before.
"What is it, Buff?" Willow asks, her amusement disappearing completely.
"It's…" my 'nothing' doesn't come out as I am on the receiving end of the ever evolving but no less effective Willow Rosenberg resolve face accompanied by the hand of silence.
"Buffy," she says, her tone gentle but firm, "we've been best friends for eight years. I know when something's bothering you. And considering that a former undead lover of yours is back in town, it kinda narrows down the topic of conversation in your dazed and confused brain."
"Thanks a lot, Wills," I reply sarcastically.
"I don't mean it like that, Buffy," she reassures and lays her hand on my arm. I turn towards her, mirroring her pose and smile. "I can't blame you, Buff, who could? Here you are, on an engagement hiatus. You go to look for your ex-mortal enemy for closure, you find that you're still attracted to said ex-enemy not to mention feelings you probably don't wanna comprehend for him, especially considering that your fiancé is drop-dead gorgeous and loves you. Hell, it's a miracle you haven't cracked yet."
"Give me time," I smile and shake my head at Willow's on-point analysis of the situation. I'm not even surprised at her insightfulness. Ever since returning from England early last year, Willow's ability to read people and their problems have often bordered on the spooktacular and today is no different. Though I confided in her about things, I never really opened up, vocally that is, about my feelings towards Spike. She would just look at me in this way and spill all that I was feeling as if it were her experiencing it.
"So, you wanna tell me what's going on?" She prods, her hand dropping between us.
"I…I don't know. You can probably figure it out, Will."
"I don't want to figure it out, Buffy," she replies, "I want you to tell me." I lower my head instinctively, still unsure of what I'm feeling, much less how to express it. Even last night with Spike, there was a lot of stuff I left out. Though I did share things with him about Garrett I never thought I'd say, there was so much about me, about what I really fear, that I shut my mouth about.
"Willow," I hesitate and her encouraging smile alleviates some of the pressure building in my chest. Still, it's there, threatening to close around my throat. "Willow, I…" my thoughts are interrupted by the phone and I jump up to answer it.
"Saved by the bell," Willow calls out teasingly and I turn around and stick my tongue at her before picking up the phone.
"Summers' residence," I chirp into the phone.
"From the sound of it, it appears that somebody got some last night," Dawn jokes, her tone filled with excitement.
"If I didn't know any better, Dawnie, I would think the same about you but considering that I would kill said accomplice of yours if it were true, I'm guessin' it has to do with a special day tomorrow."
"Well, ya never know…"
"Dawn!" I shout and cover my eyes at the sight of my baby sister doing thing that I didn't even do until—well, okay, so I wasn't exactly a virgin at her age. But I was still virginal. Okay, Buffy, still not helping in thinking about little sister.
"Relax, Buff, I'm kidding," she huffs and I can hear her eyes roll from here. "Yeah, I'm so excited about tomorrow. It'll be my last day at that bloody school." I chuckle at her British speak. It's been like that for the last two years, both of us falling into Spike-isms at various times without even realizing it. I guess that shows how much of an impact he's had on our lives, huh?
"Graduation's gonna rock," she continues before pausing, "but I doubt if it'll top you guys' ceremony."
"I should hope not," I deadpan, "one gigantic snake demon as commencement speaker is one gigantic snake demon as commencement speaker too many."
"But you got to blow up the school," she whines and I chuckle at her childlike behavior. What am I kidding? We both act like five year olds when we're together—it's a wonder we haven't been committed.
"That's true." I reminisce. Can't say much more than that. And she is right; I don't think there will ever be as exciting as a graduation as ours. God, I hope not.
We remain silent for a few seconds, lost in our own thoughts before Dawn speaks and I am again reminded of the little girl she used to be.
"So…is Spike still there?" I can see her twirling a lock of hair nervously.
"Yeah, he's taking a shower."
"What did you guys do!?!" She shouts, her voice a mixture of horror and excitement. I know she likes Garrett, loves him even, but the bond she shares with Spike is like no other bond she's ever had. To be honest, I'm not sure if she's cheering for Garrett or Spike and now that I have compared my love life to a cheerleading contest, complete with spirit fingers, I ask to be put out of my misery. Please?
"Nothing. Nothing!" I snap back before hesitating, "Not much," I mutter and she snorts.
"We will talk about this later. But I wanted to know about dinner tonight."
"What about it?"
"Is…everybody still coming?"
"As far as I know. I think Giles' plane gets in at around seven and we can go from there."
"Buffy?" I hear the uncertainty in her voice and know what she's going to ask.
"Yeah, Dawnie?"
"Do you think…do you think Spike would wanna come?" The fear and hopefulness in her voice moves me and I fight through the lump forming in my throat.
"I didn't ask him but I'm sure that he wouldn't miss it for the world."
"Even with…Xander, Giles and Garrett there?"
"For you Dawnie, he'd do anything." I can almost see her face beaming at what I say and I think she really understands that my words are true. As much as they still have to talk about, I know she and Spike are crazy about each other and that kind of bond they have can never be broken. Sure, it may take sometime, but they will be back to being partners-in-crime before I know it.
"Is it okay if I ask him?"
"Sure. I think he'd like that. I'll give him your cell number before me and Willow leave for the mall."
"Getting something for the dinner tonight?" She asks, the swagger back in her voice.
"Yes. I mean no," I stutter. "You know I'm getting something for tomorrow, I told you that."
"Oh I know," she chirps, "but while you're at it, why not get something for tonight? I know that's what's going through that little blonde cranium of yours."
"Oh, aren't we the funny one, today," I retort sardonically.
"Well, I learned from the best."
"That you did."
"Well, look, I gotta go but I will see you around five, okay."
"Okay, Dawnie."
"And don't forget to give Spike my cell," she says over the burgeoning voices in the background.
"I will. Love you."
"Love you, too," she replies before hanging up. I sigh dramatically, as I listen to the distant running of shower water, loathe to go back and talk to Willow. It took Dawn less than two minutes to cut to the chase about what me and Spike did…almost did. How long before Willow figures it out? I mean, I want to tell her, but what do I say? 'Oh, by the way, me and Spike made out against a pillar and if it weren't for him, we would have done the nasty right there in the cemetery?' I don't think that will fly—well, it will but not without making me look like a total freak.
"Well, time to face the music," I huff and wonder what Willow's face will look like when she finds out.
I don't have to wait long as her brilliant green eyes are wide with mirth and accusation.
"Wha…" I start defensively.
"You are so gonna get it!" she admonishes me and I collapse on the floor, groaning. In the background I hear my best friend cackling and it sounds way too much like a stereotypical witch-laugh.
Why me, I ask God though my face is still buried into the carpet. Why me? I wouldn't be surprised if He answers me with a boisterous chortle of his own.
***
"Spike," I knock lightly on the door before pushing it open just a bit. I peek in and see Spike putting something behind his back, a look of undeniable guilt on his face. If he didn't look so cute like that…
"Hey," I say before my mind runs away from me again. I force myself to make eye contact instead of tracing the curves of his sculpted upper body, which is naked I might add.
"Hey yourself," he says a little too quickly, the flush evident on his cheeks.
"Uh, I…me and Wills are headed to the mall. Do you want anything?" I mumble out the question, intent on defeating the hypnotic call of his chest and abs in all their bareness. Doesn't he ever wear a shirt?
"Didn't you go yesterday?" He asks, standing up and walking towards me. I see a red notebook sticking out from under the pillow and I file that away for later analysis.
"Well, yeah, but you know; shopping with your girlfriend is different than shopping with a dapper Englishman, no matter how snazzy of a dresser he's turned out to be."
"Oh, so I'm snazzy, now?" His eyebrow raises in amusement and, for some odd reason a furious blush latches onto my face. Damn it, Buffy, stay focused.
"You're all right, I guess," I flash him a coy grin and it's his turn to look away. Point for Summers. Yay me.
"Only all right, love? You wound me with your words." He raises his hand to his chest in mock injury and I can't help but laugh.
"You're such a dork, Spike," I admonish and slap him in the chest, which has an immediate impact.
The simple feel of my skin on his ignites a spark between us and we both pull away immediately, both knowing what will happen if we don't. The look in his eyes is priceless and I know mine are just as bright and wide.
"Well," he starts and jams his hands into the pocket of his jeans.
"Yeah, well," I reiterate and tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "So, I'm about to go."
"Yeah."
"We'll be back in a few hours. Giles' plane gets in at seven and we're gonna…" I stop forgetting that Dawn wants to ask him.
"You're gonna what?"
"Oh, Dawn wants you to call her. She needs to ask you something important."
"Nibblet's okay, isn't she?" I note the look of worry that scratches across his brow and wave away his concern.
"Oh, no, Dawn's fine. Something's going on that she really wants to ask you about and I promised her that I wouldn't tell you." His smile returns and I give him one in return.
"She's not gonna try and get me alone to stake me, is she?"
"I'm pretty sure she got all of the violence out yesterday," I goad.
"You got that right," he quips, his hand rubbing his cleanly shaven jaw line. "Bit sure knows how to throw an open hand. If her punches are that good, my newly beating heart goes out to the denizens of the underworld."
"What can I say? She's had an excellent teacher."
"Humble much?" He asks incredulously and walks towards the bed, pulling a white Polo over his head. I guess the eye show's over.
"Buffy!" Willow's voice calls up, her impatience evident.
"Yeah?" I call, poking my head out the door.
"Can we go now?" she whines and me and Spike laugh.
"You better go, before the lovely witch of Sunnydale does a little hocus pocus on us."
"Okay," I smile and take a step towards him before catching myself. I lower my eyes in embarrassment but still catch his questioning gaze.
"Buffy Anne Summers!" Willow yells and we both chuckle.
"Get goin', luv," Spike says and pushes me out the door.
"Don't forget to call Dawn. Her number's on the fridge."
"Get goin' why don't cha!" He waves me away and motions to slam the door, stopping at the last minute. "I'll go with you to get Watcher man, too. Just so long as he knows there will be no staking."
"Right," I say and sashay down the hall, "no stakage." I hear him growl and feel his eyes on me. Looks like I won this round, too. Vegas better watch out, Buffy's on a roll.
***
Spike twirled the piece of paper between his fingers nervously. Buffy and Willow had left not thirty minutes ago and he had ventured downstairs fifteen minutes afterwards, intent on finishing his latest work of poetry.
"Bloody poofter I am," he muttered to the empty house. After the first month of having the soul, Spike had started dabbling into the fine arts of poetry, jotting down his thoughts, oblivious to rhyme or meter. In all honesty, the times where his lucidity was fleeting had produced his best work. In fact, Rachel had, on more than one occasion, suggested he look into getting them published. He had always dismissed her, citing his work with the club or some other lame excuse. But now that he was no longer running the day-to-day operations, he really didn't have an excuse. Maybe I will ring her, take her up on that offer to find a publishing venue, he thought before his attention re-focused on the seven digits written on the paper.
Dawn.
Her number was right between his fingertips, the phone on the counter, waiting patiently for him to dial. He was so nervous about talking to her. What did she want? Did she want to tell him to stay out of her life or that she wanted to mend things between them. Though she had said the latter yesterday, his mind ran wild with possible rejections that would further break his aching heart and that was something he didn't know if he could deal with.
As much as he had changed in two years, underneath it all, he was still the same Spike (or was it William?) that craved love. Was that different than anyone else? Well, with the demon and its possessive nature, he would have said yes. But now, with a soul, though the possessiveness was not entirely gone, it was lessened considerable but that did not alleviate his desire to be loved purely. He wasn't foolish enough to think that he and Buffy would ever share a pure love, they were both too scarred from previous relationships and had hurt one another too much for that to happen. Not to say that if she did love him back that they wouldn't be spectacular together, but it wouldn't be pure. Not like Dawn's love.
His Nibblet.
Spike smiled at the thought of his grown up little girl. Not so little anymore, he mused. In two years she had transformed into the beautiful, vibrant woman he always knew she would be. In so many ways she was like Buffy, except without the baggage of the slayer. True, she did have Buffy's abilities, but she wasn't chosen to fight the apocalypses like her sister and, instead, was there as backup, never taking things on alone. She had become the person Buffy may have been if it weren't for being the Chosen One.
"Doesn't matter," he whispered and set to dialing Dawn's cell number, "love them the way they turned out." He put the phone to his ear, his fingers tapping impatiently against the countertop.
"I thought you were going shopping with Wills," Dawn's voice cut in after two rings.
"Nib…Dawn, it's me, Spike," he said tentatively and heard the girl—young woman—on the other end suck in a sharp breathe.
"Spike, hey," she said and he mentally pictured her fiddling with her hair.
"So, how did the graduation sleep over go?"
"'Sleep over'? That term is so junior high, Spike," she replied and he grinned at her annoyance.
"My mistake, Bit. So, how was the Gathering," he asked sarcastically.
"The Gathering, as you have so eloquently put it, was fun. Nothing better than a house full of high school seniors partying it up."
"I'll bet," he smiled and silence was the only noise carrying through the phone lines. "So," he said after contemplation and quite a large amount of trepidation, "big sis says you wanted to ask me something important."
"Oh, yeah," she said, worrying her lip with her teeth. "I, uh…tonight's the big graduation dinner. Buffy and the gang are taking me out."
"Oh," he said, not knowing what to say. She'll probably ask me to stay out of their hair…
"I was wondering," she continued, interrupting his thoughts, "if you…if you would come?"
To say that Spike was shocked into speechlessness was an old-fashioned understatement. His mouth hung open and his eyes shone in disbelief. He completely ignored the sting behind his eyes that Dawn's sincere request had produced. His heartbeat continued its rampant attempts to break free from his ribcage in joy and he took several failed attempts to regain his bearings.
"Earth to Willie-boy?" Dawn's teasing yet apprehensive voice clawed at him until he smiled bashfully to himself.
"I'm here, Nibs. And yes, I'd be honored to be there for you."
"Great," she chirped, the little girl squeak slipping in before she sobered. "And maybe, afterwards, me and you—maybe we can talk."
"Yeah, maybe we can. So long as Rupes doesn't skewer me when he steps off the plane." At that Dawn laughed.
"Please, Spike. Giles would never do that."
"After what I did…" he stopped, his emotions again getting the better of him.
"Spike…"
"So," he interrupted as he stood, "see you later?"
Dawn smiled, knowing that her best friend wanted to change the subject and she obliged. "Yeah, see you later, Randy," she giggled before hanging up the phone.
Spike stared at the receiver, his expression a mixture of pain and unkempt joy. The former was from the thought of facing another person that had known what he had done. Willow, though they had not gotten private time, had accepted him more readily than he deserved. There had been no disgust in her eyes, no anger in her voice when she had spoken to him. She had forgiven him, in every way, for everything he had ever done and Spike didn't know if he could handle that. That thought only made him think more of his growing trepidation at seeing the Watcher. Would Giles see him in contempt or offer him that same forgiveness? At that moment, Spike wasn't sure which response frightened him the most.
Shaking his thoughts away from the looming reunion, he thought of the possibility of making amends with the only person (aside from Joyce—God, he missed her) who had always been kind to him, never judgmental.
"My Nibblet," he said as he stared out the window as the sunlight flooded through the glass. He had hurt Buffy so much that night, showing her the monster that had always lurked beneath. But it was his human cowardice—running away—that had hurt her sister just as much, if not more. He still loved Buffy with all of his being and wanted nothing more than to have her love him, he would not lie to himself or to her, for that matter. But even as that was high on his list of priorities for this lifetime, the most important thing to him was his love for Dawn and the man he wanted to be for her. Someone she could look up to and depend on, someone who would never let her down. He would be that man, no matter what it took. He had already failed her on the tower and then when he ran away.
He would not do it again.
***This is a short chapter by "Do" standards, but the next one will be back to the lengthy pieces. Buffy and Willow do some bonding over shopping before the gang goes to get Giles at the airport. How will he react to Spike? And the beginnings of the dinner. And yes, Garrett will be there. Stay tuned for some interesting developments in the coming chapters.