A/N: Hey everybody, I'm back again. Hope everyone is having a happy holiday so far. Sorry this took so long but I was also writing a short fic called Always a Part of Me that I'm posting the same day as this. It's heavy on the angst and sadness but I promise that, after this fic is done, I will go back to that one and write the sequel.
--Well, here's a bit of the graduation. Anya also makes her first appearance. Dawn notices something. Xander and Spike talk.
Do What You Have to Do
Part XVI
Dawn was the first to awaken. The warmth of the sun's rays at her back and its filtration throughout the room beckoned the Key from her peaceful slumber. Though she had shared the bed with two others, she had enjoyed a contented night of sleep. Being so close to the two people she loved most in the world had calmed the hidden insecurities that had plagued the eighteen-year-old since her parents had separated. It had been so long since she had felt this safe and Dawn smiled at the warm feeling within her.
Her smile grew as she watched her sister and best friend cuddled up together. Buffy was spooned up against Spike, whose chin rested just above the slayer's head. His left arm was wrapped possessively around Buffy's waist while his other arm was draped across the top of the bed. Dawn beamed even more when she saw that, sometime during the night, Buffy's hands had covered Spike's against her stomach. She marveled at the rightness of it all, how the two former mortal enemies created a world of their own, whether fighting or spooned together as they were now. The current scene gave Dawn no reason to doubt that the two were meant to be together.
Dawn sighed, disappointed that insecurities and stubbornness had been what had driven Buffy and Spike apart the first time. True, what Spike had done was inexcusable, but the more she thought about it the more she understood. The way Buffy had treated him was horrible yet he took it. In many ways, the demon inside of him was an animal and Buffy had taken for granted that that part of him would always obey, always accept what she said and did. But just like an animal who has been continually beaten and kicked, Buffy was given a painful reminder of just how much of a bite Spike still had.
Dawn winced at the unpleasant images her mind formulated about Buffy and Spike's time together. Two people, full of so much love, abusing one another in the worst ways until there was scarcely anything left to salvage of either one. But they had recovered and now…well, Dawn didn't know what would happen between them. As much as she still wanted to see them together, the ring on Buffy's finger…
Dawn bolted upright, shaking the bed. The other two occupants shrugged in their sleep and nestled even closer together but the brunette didn't notice. What she did notice was that Buffy's ring finger was quite bare. Dawn reached out a shaking hand if only to make sure she was seeing things correctly she and touched where the ring should have been. All that was there was the telltale indentation around Buffy's finger that was only discernable at close range.
Forcing herself from her bewildered state, Dawn stared at her sleeping sister. It didn't take long for her to realize why Buffy had been crying last night. Evidently she had broken off the engagement with Garrett, making her choice between him and Spike. It must have been so hard for Buffy to decide; knowing that she couldn't get past hurting someone in the process. Dawn's heart went out to both Buffy and Garrett; her sister because the choice made required courage like none other and Garrett because, other than Spike, Garrett was the coolest boyfriend Buffy ever had. She was going to miss him a lot but—but she couldn't deny the exciting butterflies that roared through her stomach at the prospect of Spike and Buffy finally together. Just the thought of it reverted Dawn back to her fifteen-year-old self and it took a conscious effort for her not to squeal in delight.
It's only a matter of time before they work things out and get together, she thought. And then they'll get married and I'll have lots of nieces and nephews to play with and spoil. They will be so beautiful, she thought excitedly about her future responsibilities as an aunt. Dawn studied the parents-to-be with a deft eye, examining what the best combination of features for her future nieces and nephews to inherit from their parents. Both Spike and Buffy had beautiful eyes while the former was the master of the cheekbones. Buffy had a natural golden tan to her skin as well as long and thick hair. Of course, it wasn't actually blonde but that really didn't matter now did it?
Dawn studied the shape and structure of Buffy and Spike's faces from every conceivable angle when a red glint behind Spike's shoulder caught her eye. There on the nightstand was the digital clock. One look at it and…
"Shit!" The sudden exclamation ripped the snuggling couple from sleep and they were instantly alert.
"Dawn, what's going on?" Buffy asked, her eyes a combination of alarm and fatigue as her younger sister bolted out of the room.
"What the bleedin' hell? Niblet!" Spike shouted and hopped off the bed, running out the door with Buffy not far behind. They made it to the door of her room before narrowly avoiding being bowled over by the speeding teen.
"Dawn," Buffy tried in vain to grab her sister to no avail as Dawn hustled to the bathroom. Evidently this crisis was too fast for her slayer reflexes to be of use.
"It's 10:52!" Dawn screamed from behind the door.
"And?" The annoyed Brit growled. "Don't think it's standard procedure to go yellin' all sorts o' soddin obscenities to make that bloody well known."
"No," a clearly frustrated Dawn replied through the crack of the open door. The shower was running in the background and Dawn's face was covered in facial soap. "But when 10:52 means that you are over an hour late to graduation rehearsal then it bloody well is reason to be yellin' all those 'soddin' obscenities' that, for the record, you taught me," she punctuated it by sticking a soapy finger at her grouchy best friend before shutting the door in his and Buffy's faces.
The two former lovers stared at the door before turning towards one another, their eyes bulging. It wasn't long before both were against the wall, weak in laughter.
"Well," Buffy said between chuckles, "I see why she loved hanging out with you."
"And why would that be, luv?" Spike asked as he wiped his teary eyes.
"Well, from what she said, you seemed to be the Zen Master of swearing."
"Was not. You've garnered that accusation from nothing but circumstantial evidence."
"So the word of my little sister can't be trusted now, is that what you're saying?" She cast a serious glance his way and Spike blanched, knowing he was in quite a predicament. But he was saved as Buffy lost her focus and fell to the floor in giggles.
"Oh my God," she roared, holding her stomach.
Spike furrowed his brows before he asked, "What?"
"You should have seen your face. Priceless."
"What do you think's so bloody funny?"
Buffy spewed out some residual chuckles before getting to her feet. She again put the serious visage into place before grasping Spike by the shoulders.
"You're right, it's not funny. The former 'Big Bad' afraid of the slayer." She sighed dramatically. "What will everyone think? You're image is completely tarnished." Dropping her hands from his shoulders, she gave him a once over, noting the sweats and T-shirt. "Of course, you obviously did that particular feat single handedly when you got dressed for bed."
Spike frowned but a delicious thought flashed into his mind and a wicked smirk slid into place. He saw the mirth leave Buffy's eyes, replaced with something much darker and lustful. "Whassa matter, luv," he practically sung to her, "jealous that you didn't get to dress me or disappointed that I'm wearing clothes?"
Buffy gulped at the innuendo, her body responding as Spike closed the short distance between them. Against her will, her eyes raked over his body, taking note at the slow bulge growing below his waist. She licked her lips before her gaze returned to his face.
Spike's smirk broadened at Buffy's perusal of his body and he wanted nothing more than to crush her to him and take her right against the wall. His eyes traveled the length of her pajama-clad figure, noticing her hardened nipples through her shirt. What started out as a tease had turned into something much more real and Spike ignored the chivalrous part of him that preached that Buffy was engaged. His primal instincts--those that remained and were eerily similar to the demon that had been cast out--flared to life and identified the woman in front of him as his and his alone.
Buffy shivered at the hunger written in Spike's eyes. They had darkened with lust for her and Buffy wanted nothing more than to be swallowed whole by them, lost in a sea of passion, want and love. They also held a promise to love her without reserve and she was amazed that, even after all these years, his love for her had only gotten stronger.
She held her breath as he cupped her cheek before she automatically leaned forward. Spike did the same and their lips were only inches apart before a clang disrupted them.
"Buffy," Dawn pled, "what are you doing? You need to get dressed. I need you to take me to school."
"Wh—what about Kit or Janice? Can't they get you?" The slayer stuttered, all too aware of Spike's presence.
"Well, they could, if they were still at home," she driveled sarcastically. "But seeing as they are already there, it's kinda hard to ask."
"Why didn't they call?" Spike asked and was rewarded with a death glare.
"They would have but someone turned off the ringer in Buffy's room. Gee, I wonder who that could have been, Spike." She spat out the last words before retreating to her room.
"What did I do?" He much too innocently. When she pushed him with her own steely look, he cracked.
"I just thought that you shouldn't be disturbed is all." He moved to follow her into the room but was met by a closed door. Slightly hurt by this, Spike turned towards his temporary room until he heard the door open. He turned back to find Buffy staring out at him, smiling shyly.
"Sorry, but I gotta throw something on to take O' Miss Graduate to school. Get dressed because we need to be there by…"
"12:30," Dawn yelled as she ran down the steps, graduation attire in hand. "Buffy, hurry up! Please."
"She calls," Buffy said before closing the door again.
Spike stood there a moment before shaking his head and returning to his room to get ready. He wasn't sure but there was something different about Buffy, something looser? He didn't know how to describe it and was not going to spend time analyzing it.
"For good or bad, it'll work out," he whispered to himself. And as he grabbed his shower bag, he prayed that it would be for the good.
*&*
It took me forty minutes to drop Dawn off and get back home. Before leaving, I kissed her goodbye and told her we'd be back soon. She told me that I'd better get Spike's former undead ass in gear before glancing pointedly at my hand, firing out how we 'so need to talk'. Being obtuse Buffy, it took me a moment before I realized what she was hinting at and by the time I mouthed a reply, she was darting to the congregation of students in the courtyard.
Pulling into Revello, my heart stammers in anticipation. I get out of the car and close it, jumping at the sound. My eyes move across the neighborhood, taking in people getting ready for their Sundays. Some are going to church, others coming from it. Then there are those that are using it as a day to relax with family. Family. It's what everyone desires, what everyone needs. I'm no different. These last two years, with Dawn and the Scoobies, I thought my family was already solidified. Xander was the brother I never had and Willow was a second sister. Even Anya was—well, she wasn't a sibling but more of a cousin that you never knew how to take. Giles had accepted the role of my surrogate father despite his misgivings of taking my biological father's place. And then, with me being engaged to Garrett, well, I thought that everything else had been set in place.
It wasn't until last night that I figured out how wrong I was.
"Spike?" I call when I walk through the door. I throw my purse on the couch before heading to the kitchen. I waste no time in pouring myself a nice, healthy glass of orange juice to still the butterfly show in my stomach. I don't know what I'm nervous about—well, actually I do. After last night and then the heated bits of almost in the hall, well, I have plenty to be anxious about.
I'm halfway through the cup when the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs makes me turn towards the living room. A second later Spike comes into view and saunters towards me.
The breath hitches in my throat as I take in his taut form. Charcoal gray pants creased to perfection around his legs with tailored cuffs at the bottom that kiss the brilliant shine of his shoes. His shirt is the same color and the sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, exposing the silken skin of his forearms. His wrists are decorated nicely: one with a beautiful silver bracelet and the other with a matching watch. My eyes ride up to his chest where the top two buttons of his shirt are undone, leaving with a nice view of the valley that begins his sculpted chest not to mention a thin silver chain. His face is clean-shaven and his eyes glare at me with mirth and desire before I focus on his head. I barely acknowledge the black sunglasses resting on the top of his head; instead I am pleasantly surprised when checking out his tousled locks. His newly bleached blonde locks I might add.
I can think up a thousand—hell, a thousand thousand—words to describe the beauty in front of me. I open my mouth to say something, determined to be truthful.
"I better go get dressed," I babble. Coward.
"That you do," he agrees before he raises his arm to check the time. Even that slight gesture is enough to spin me into a tizzy.
"What? Huh?" I ask and curse my gracelessness.
"I agreed with you that you need to get a move on since you have about forty-five minutes before we have to push off."
"You-you're right," I stammer as I pass him, "gotta go get ready." I feel his eyes on me as I walk away and I can't stop the heat from coursing through my cheeks at his visual inspection. It's funny because, for some reason, it gives me confidence.
I stop and whirl on my heels before dissecting every inch of him with my flaming eyes. I bite my cheek when he visibly flinches at the scrutiny, running his fingers through his hair. I wait until he looks back at me and I leer at him with my most sexually suggestive grin before addressing him.
"You are so beautiful," I say, my voice thick with admiration and desire. His eyes bulge and I laugh before making my way upstairs.
As I skip through the halls, I can't help but feel proud of myself for saying what was on my mind. Not only are my steps lighter but my shoulders aren't slouching quite as much. I know there's a lot I have yet to tell him but I will. Soon. I always heard that honesty's the best policy and I think it's high time I follow that particular piece of advice.
*&*
"When is her bleedin name gonna be called?" Spike ranted from the seats. He sat next to Buffy and, by some magic of Satan, Xander. To Buffy's left was Giles and to Xander's right, Willow. They had talked amicably between one another before the ceremony started and all had been surprised at Xander's less than hostile attitude towards the once more bleached blonde.
"Her 'bleedin name'," Xander quipped, "as you so elegantly put it, will be called once they get to 'S'. You see, Captain P., these things are done in alphabetical order and since we are now on…"
"Monica Richards," the principal called.
"R, you won't have to wait much longer." The rest of the Scoobies snickered while Spike only growled muttering unintelligibly under his breath.
Not two minutes after Spike's initial gripe, the name they had all been waiting for was called.
"Dawn Summers." The band of five all smiled proudly as the young woman walked to the stage to receive her diploma. Both Willow and Buffy snapped shot after shot of Dawn as she posed with Principal Wood before descending the stairs back to her seat.
No one spoke, all lost in their own thoughts. It wasn't until Spike whispered "my Niblet" that the silence between them was broken. They all glanced at one another briefly, consciously ignoring the watery eyes of one another.
*&*
"Buffy!" Dawn yelled as the ceremonies commenced. She bolted towards her petite sister and threw her arms around her. Buffy squealed in surprise and delight as she and Dawn embraced. They remained that way for several minutes, tears in both of their eyes before they were enveloped in a powerful group hug that even Giles partook in.
Spike watched with both envy and pride at the scene before him. He was happy for these people before him, even Harris. How much had they been through these last eight years or so? How many people close to them had they buried? How much heartache had they endured to make it to this point? Too much, he knew. And for that they deserved happiness in their lives.
But as much as he wished them well, Spike couldn't hide the sliver of resentment at the family before him. He had no illusions that they were more than just a gathering of friends and mentor. Willow, Giles and Xander were just as much a family in relation as Buffy and Dawn were. Blood may not bond them but their love and commitment to one another was what would always tie them together till they were nothing but dust and ash.
For a few short hours last night as he spooned against Buffy with Dawn on the other side of her, Spike had felt like he was a part of a family for the first time in over a hundred years. He paid no mind to the teasing voice in his head, the voice that whispered so cruelly that, no matter what he did it would never be enough. There weren't enough trials in all of existence for him to pay penance enough to be included. He had caused these people so much grief, how could they possibly welcome him into their folds with open arms? No, they couldn't and he was a fool to believe that it ever could be. He would always be an acquaintance, nothing more. Though he knew Dawn loved him like a brother and that Buffy cared for him (though that may have been through some misdirected feeling of guilt) he would never be part of the gang and that ate at him more than they would ever know.
"They deserve this, you know. The happiness," a familiar voice whispered in his ear. Spike turned to his right and stared into the face of a beautiful brunette. A face that, last time he had seen it, was filled with guilt of what she had done and grief for the still gaping wound that was sliced open on what should have been the most joyous day of her life.
"Anya," Spike breathed the name as if it was his salvation. Before he knew it, his arms were wrapped tightly around her slim waist and he sighed when she returned the sentiment. He inhaled her scent, a combination of jasmine and an otherworldliness he could not place. As his hands roamed the expanse of her lower back, he remembered, with guilt, the things they had done on the Magic Box table. Two broken hearts tragically brought together for a last embrace of solace. As he thought back on that night, he couldn't help but wonder why this day, greeting her like this felt so familiar.
"As wonderful and safe as I feel in your arms," she said, "it would be so much better if I was able to breathe properly."
Spike relinquished his hold on her and smiled sheepishly at the grin that she flashed. She cocked her head to the side and her eyes roamed his body in curiosity before returning to his cerulean eyes.
"It looks good on you."
Spike furrowed his brows in confusion. "What looks good on me?"
"Humanity," she smiled.
"Huh. Guess the sun gave it away."
"That and the incessant chatter a few years ago in the demon community about a legendary warrior that fought for his soul for the love of his enemy," she recited matter-of-factly.
Spike's eyes widened in shock. It was borne more of Anya's source of information than her actual knowledge of his condition. His eyes narrowed minutely and he scrutinized every inch of her, looking beyond the fuchsia dress that accented her curves. He peered into what he had sensed before, when he had hugged her. That otherworldliness that he couldn't place before was, in truth, quite similar to what he vaguely noticed about her that night two years ago in the Magic Box…
"You're a vengeance demon again," he said in mild surprise.
"Yep," she smiled and showed him the pendant that hung around her neck. "For two years running now. I thought you would have picked that up during our brief yet wonderful time together."
Spike ducked his head in embarrassment. "Sorry, luv, but I was a bit too preoccupied with other things." Their eyes met again and they laughed, understanding passing between them. Anya was intimately aware of never being able to fit into the tight knit group that was the Scoobies. They would always lie on the outer fringes, invited in but never completely accepted. From the looks of her, Anya had recognized that and she seemed to be fine with it. Spike's admiration for her rose to even further heights at this knowledge.
"Anya," Xander called over. Both Anya and Spike turned towards the former Scoobie huddle to see the brunette striding towards them. He gave Spike a curt nod before giving Anya a tentative hug. Spike smiled at it, knowing from his conversation with Buffy that the formerly engaged couple were trying to rebuild the bridges of trust that were broken down their wedding day. Speaking of Buffy, Spike thought as he glanced towards her. For a brief second a hint of—something—clouded her hazel eyes before it was swallowed up by her brilliant smile. He shook his head, passing it off as a trick of the light.
"Hey Xander," Anya smiled into her former fiancé's cheek. She sighed inwardly at the feel of his strong arms around her, missing the security and comfort that accompanied it. So many times this past year, after they had become wary friends she had wanted nothing more than to jump into his arms and stay there only to remind herself of what happened the last time she did that.
"Watch it now, Miss," Xander quipped before he gingerly pulled away from Anya, his hand automatically going to his ribs.
Anya noticed it right away and furrowed her eyebrows in concern. "You're hurt."
"Yeah," he said and cast a knowing glance towards Spike, a glance that Anya followed expertly. She growled in annoyance when she saw the slight discoloration at the bridge of the ex-vampire's nose.
"Will you two ever grow up?" She growled and stomped away towards the rest of the group, leaving the two men staring at her wake.
"Well," Spike drawled as Anya greeted the others, "guess I finally got you to myself, whelp."
Xander chuckled before concern tore across his face. "I don't know about you, but that didn't come across as comforting as you would have wanted." Spike stared at him in horror before they both shared an uneasy chuckle.
*&*
"It's wonderful to see you again, Anyanka," Giles smiled as he hugged the vengeance demon.
"You too, Rupert." After the nearly avoided apocalypse and Anya taking care of him when he was close to dying, Giles had developed quite an affection for the once blonde. Unknown to the Scoobies, she had been the one to take care of him when the others were off to work or school, teleporting in and out of his rented flat, until he was well enough to travel back to England. Though they both had developed a crush on the other during that time, nothing passed between them except for a few stolen kisses every now and then. Well, except for that one time when she came to visit him in England…
"Sorry that I missed the dinner, Dawn," Anya apologized to the graduate before dragging Dawn into a warm hug."
"It's okay, Anya. I know you were busy."
"As a matter of fact I was. There was this guy in Modesto that was an abusive prat to his girlfriend. Well, when I talked to her she wished that he had to crawl in the ground like the slimy worm that he was…"
"Anya," Buffy interrupted, shaking her head, "as much as we would like to hear about your latest project, it would be quite helpful if you ixed-ne the engeance-ve talk for the time being." The slayer gave a pointed glance to the graduates closest to them.
"Oh," the brunette exclaimed before lowering her voice and saying to Dawn, "We'll talk later."
"Um, sure," the girl replied.
"But for now," Anya pleasantly announced before she dug into her purse, "I'd like to present to the graduate with her gift. It's traditional to give a graduating member of school a gift. Of course, I never got one when I graduated."
Dawn smiled gratefully when Anya handed her the elongated jewelry case. She opened it excitedly and gasped at the necklace before her.
"Is…is that?" Giles stammered before removing his glasses for a closer inspection.
"The Crystal of Sh'rad," Willow whispered. "But Giles, I thought you said that was a myth."
"What's a Crystal of charades?" Buffy asked.
"Sh'rad," Anya corrected.
"Okay. What is it?"
"The Crystal of Sh'rad is a talisman of sorts."
"It's a protection talisman created in Ancient Egypt by a secret sect of Egyptian mages," Willow added for Giles.
"So what does it do?" Dawn asked, her eyes roaming over the elegant gold carvings that encircled the crystal.
"It works as a radar of sorts. The wearer will be alerted to any supernatural presence that intends injury upon--well, in this case, her--in the immediate vicinity. It can also be described as--a, a sort of…"
"Universal phone card," Anya quipped. On Buffy and Dawn's looks, she explained. "With it, Dawn will always be able to locate and 'talk' to those that she binds to the Crystal."
"Binds?" Dawn asks.
"Yes. You do the ritual thing with anyone you want to be able to contact in a circle. Once done, no matter where you are in the world, you will be able to locate them and they will be able to feel if you're all right if need be."
Dawn looked to Anya and then back to Buffy before they both stare back at the Crystal before whispering simultaneously, "Wow."
*&*
Spike motioned to walk towards the others a minute after Anya left. He was desperate to leave behind the uncomfortable silence he and the whelp were sharing. Not one step into his retreat, a warm hand touched his shoulder.
"Spike," Xander ventured. The former vampire turned towards Xander, unable to hide the confusion from crossing his face. He wasn't sure if it was his imagination or not, but he thought there had been a hint of sincerity in the whelp's voice…
"What's up, Harris?" He tried to throw on his patented sarcastic veneer but knew it wasn't up to par.
"About the other day," he started and ducked his head before sliding his hands into his pockets.
"No worries, mate. I said some things, you said some things. You know what they say--"
"Boys will be boys," the brunette finished. He chuckled dryly. "Well, yeah. You're right about that." He stopped to think before he continued. "You know, to be honest, it's about things that happened way before the other day."
Spike crossed his arms over his chest, uncertain as to where Xander was heading but kept silent.
"I've never liked you. In fact, I hated you. Hell, what with the trying to kill us all countless times, I think I had a pretty good reason to." He looked up at Spike who only nodded. Xander took a deep breath, mustering all of his strength courage to get this out.
"Look, I know we've had our differences and I mean before you started helping us. Fact of the matter was that, I don't know, I guess I was jealous."
"Jealous?" Spike couldn't hide his surprise.
"Yeah. When you started helping us, even if it was for money, when Buffy or Giles needed backup, you were the first name that came up. Couple the fact that they relied on you more than me and you being a vampire, well, doesn't bode too well for too many episodes of male bonding.
"But, when all the Glory stuff came to a head, I guess I saw something different about you. Actually, I saw it from the beginning, I think but I wouldn't let myself admit it. I just have this thing with demons, you know. Makes things easier." Xander examined the grass underfoot and kicked it with the toe of his shoe.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is--sorry." The last word was muttered and Spike strained to hear it.
"Did you just say…?" he trailed off, waiting for the brunette to continue.
"Yes I did. I said I'm sorry about the way I treated you back then. Even if I didn't trust you, you still earned our--my respect. I was the only one of the group that didn't see any of your redeeming qualities."
"Like my charm and good looks?" Spike said and arched his scarred brow.
"You wish, Dead Boy, er, Ex-Dead Boy." Xander flashed a shy grin before running a hand through his hair. He sobered immediately and held out his hand.
"Look, Spike," Xander said despite the wavering in his gut, "you and me both know that we'll never be best buddies but we can respect one another. And while that may be hard," he sighed deeply, "I'm willing to try."
Spike was thunderstruck by Xander's apology and he eyed the outstretched hand in bewilderment. He had only remembered a handful of times that he and the whelp had been on amiable terms. The two that came to mind the most was when he had seen a distraught Xander at the bar, torn between his girlfriend and best friend. They had chatted over a game of pool with Spike lending an ear. He had given his advice, sans hostility. The other time had been during the run from Glory. Throughout most of that trip, they had been comrades in arms. But that hadn't lasted. Although they worked together during that horrible summer, when Buffy returned, everything had returned to normal. And it all came to a head after his tryst with Anya. Though he would never tell, the disgust Xander had looked at Anya with when he found out she and Spike had slept together had hurt Spike more than he let on. It only confirmed that he was nothing but a thing to them.
Shaking himself from the pangs of the past, Spike took Xander's proffered hand and smiled. "Me too, whelp," he said sincerely. "Me too."
*&*
After a half-hour of mingling, the Scoobies decided to call it a day and retreated to the confines of the slayer's home. There they chatted amiably for several hours before they finally started to disperse. Xander and Giles were the first to leave, with the latter promising to stop by the next day. Afterwards, Willow bid her adieu, smiling shyly about meeting a girl named Kennedy for an evening coffee. Anya stuck around to tell Buffy, Dawn and Spike a little more about the Crystal and the ritual Dawn needed to use to connect herself with the others and the vengeance demon ensured the slayer that there was nothing dangerous about it at all. Before leaving she promised that she Giles and Willow would go over the particulars later in the week.
"So, Bit," Spike said as the three of them sat in the living room flipping through the channels, "you're a graduate now. How does it feel?"
"Hey," Buffy answered and shoved him playfully; "I'm the sister, I'm supposed to ask that." She pouted but scowled when a flicker of hurt crossed the blonde's features.
"Sorry, luv," he muttered, "don't wanna be oversteppin' me bounds." Dawn also noted the change and decided that it was time for her to make a change of scenery.
She stood up and yawned dramatically. "Well, I think I'll call it a night."
"But it's not even ten," Buffy complained, not wanting to be alone with Spike just yet.
"Well, you know what they say," Dawn smiled a bit too brightly before kissing both Spike and Buffy on the cheek. "Early to bed and all."
"But…" The phone rang causing Buffy to jump.
"I'll get it!" Dawn bolted through the house.
"Well," Spike drawled and firmly planted his false bravado in place. "That was quite the interestin' scene."
"Yeah," Buffy muttered. "She was awful quick to go to bed tonight. And to think, I used to have to twist her arm to get upstairs."
"Oh how times change," Spike sung overdramatically and was promptly slapped on the thigh. "Oy! What was that for, Slayer?"
"For…for being you," she huffed and crossed her arms. Spike tried to plaster a look of hurt on his face but couldn't when he saw Buffy's face.
"What?" Buffy demanded when she saw his overbearingly bright grin.
"Nuthin'. S'just that you look so cute when you pout."
"Gee, thanks."
"No worries, pet," he said, ignoring her obvious sarcasm.
They sat there in silence, stealing glances at one another, both not really wanting to be the first to ask about the night before. They both looked up when Dawn slipped back in, her eyes awash with sympathy.
"That was Garrett," she said softly, "he apologized for not making it to my graduation but he's going to take me out tomorrow to make it up to me."
"Oh," was Buffy's only response before she focused intently on an invisible spot on her dress.
"Yeah, well, I'm heading to bed. Night all," Dawn called over her shoulder before disappearing upstairs.
Buffy's mind was a whirl of emotions and she didn't know how to even begin to control them. The only things that broke through the fears and uncertainty were Spike's face after she told him it was over two years ago and Garrett's after she had given him back the ring. Though she had given the latter a hope of sorts, nothing could wash away the raw pain in two sets of eyes--one cerulean blues, the other shadowed gray--which she had caused. That's all I ever do. Cause those I love pain, she thought bitterly before a warm hand cupped the side of her face.
Spike had whispered Buffy's name several times to no avail. He had wanted nothing more than to touch and hold her but had quashed the urge in favor of waiting for her to make the first move. That was the plan until he saw those luminescent green eyes of her pool with tears before they escaped from their prison, dashing for freedom down her soft cheeks. He was by her side in an instant, kneeling before her as if he wanted to place his ring on her finger. He briefly saw the irony of his position but slammed the door shut on all emotions that didn't have to do with Buffy's current condition.
Buffy stared into Spike's eyes for several minutes, unsure of what to do. She wanted to talk to him, needed to talk to him. There was so much she had buried that she wanted to say, so much that even the new Buffy had a hard time coming to terms with. She opened her mouth to speak only to have a harsh croak echo from her lips. His eyes furrowed in concern and that one gesture caused her to lose control on her unraveling emotions.
The force of Buffy crashing into him sent Spike off-balance and he fell back into the table, the impact pushing it across the floor. He winced at the edge hitting him in the center of the back but the slight discomfort was forgotten as he held his slayer in his arms.
Tears poured down Buffy's cheeks though there were no heartfelt sobs though if there were, the petite woman would never have known. Her mind was too busy focusing on the comforting feel of this man in her arms. Every so often her mind retreated to the night before and what she had told Garrett, promised him, but she was more concerned with the now and Spike. She worried that Spike had assumed that she had called everything off with Garrett, deciding to be with him at last. And while she had broken the engagement, the other part wasn't quite true. She could tell by the way he whispered to her, stroking her hair, that Spike's hopes had crashed through the fluctuating ceiling he always had with her. His greatest dream was almost in his grasp and he couldn't help but get high at the prospects of it coming to fruition. Hell, who wouldn't? That's why it was so hard for her to stop crying. Because, after all was said and done, she would hurt him all over again but she had no choice.
She cried harder when Spike murmured words of love in her hair. God, it was hard enough to come to a decision in the first place. It was going to be next to impossible for her to tell Spike that she wasn't going to run into his arms and pledge her undying love to him.
The only thing harder for her would be Spike hating her for it once she finally came clean.
And there was no doubt in her mind that he would do just that.
***Do you hate me just yet? Well, I usually don't say this but trust me. I know the last part of this chapter and Buffy's thoughts don't sound too Spuffy but trust me. That's all I will say.
***Next chapter, Spikey gets a visit from an old friend and Spike will find out just what that emotion that crossed Buffy's face when he hugged Anya was…
***Did I mention "Trust Me"? Good. Make sure you do it. ;-)