The door burst open.

"Chandler, guess what?" Joey yelled, before realising what was happening in front of him. "Oh my God…"

"Chandler and Monica!" Phoebe shouted. "Oh, my eyes! Chandler and Monica!"

The two lovers broke apart instantly.

"What the hell are you doing?" Joey demanded.

Chandler had to fight against the instinct to make a sarcastic comment.

"N-nothing," Monica stammered.

"You were having sex!" Phoebe accused her. "Oh my God! I can't believe you were having sex! This is even bigger than the fact that I'm pregnant!"

This caught Monica's attention for a moment. "Oh my God! Really?"

"Yeah. Isn't it great?" Phoebe beamed.

"What about Mary-Angela?" Joey demanded of Chandler. "You're cheating on my sister!"

"No, I'm not," replied Chandler. "She died, Joey. She died almost sixteen months ago."

"I don't believe you!" Joey snapped, storming out.

"Joey!" Chandler sighed, and began to get up. However, before he did, he turned to Phoebe. "Pheebs, could you – not look?"

"Sure, don't worry," replied Phoebe, not moving her eyes.

"Phoebe!" Monica said, sharply.

"Sorry." But Phoebe still caught a peek as Chandler got up and into a robe – Monica's robe. He left, and Phoebe and Monica were alone.

"Pheebs, it's – not what you think," Monica began. Phoebe shot her a quizzical look. "Ok, it's exactly what you think, but still… I love him, Phoebe!"

"Really?" Phoebe remarked, shocked. "Well, Kendra gets both her parents, I s'pose. That's good."

"Pheebs, I'm not doing this for Kendra," Monica told her friend. "I'm doing this for – well, for me, I s'pose. And I'm doing it for Chandler. Look, Phoebe, this is –"

Monica stopped suddenly as Kendra rolled into the room. "Mom?" she asked.

"Kendy! What – what are you doing? You should be in bed!" Monica said, shocked.

"I was. I heard the noises and got up to see what the matter is," Kendra replied. "Why is Joey yelling at Chandler, Mom?" Then she caught sight of Chandler through the doorway, wearing Monica's robe, and her quick mind put two and two together. "Oh my…"

"Damnit, he's yelling?" Monica sighed. "I'd better go see what's happening."

"What is happening?" Alice queried, pushing the door open.

"This gets worse and worse," Monica moaned.

"Why's Uncle Joey layin' into Dad?" Alice asked, curiously. "What'd he do?"

"Why's Joey here so late?" Kendra asked.

"Why's—?" Alice began, but Monica cut her off.

"Stop why-ing, please! First of all, Joey is here because – well, it is Phoebe's news, so I'll let her tell it," Monica offered.

"Oh, yeah, ok," agreed Phoebe. "Girls, I'm having a baby – Joey's baby."

"Oh my God!" Kendra squealed. "A baby?"

"I'm gonna have a cousin!" Alice screamed.

"Hush!" Monica warned them. "Isn't Shawn still asleep?"

Alice shook her head. "Doubt it. Takes him hours to get to sleep."

"Still, he might be sleeping—" Phoebe was beginning, when a tired-looking Shawn poked his head around the door.

"Why's Daddy shouting, Ally?" he asked, shoving his thumb into his mouth.

"Oh, Monica was just 'bout to tell us," Alice told him. "And guess what?"

"Wha'?"

"Uncle Joey and Phoebe are having a baby!"

"Like Mummy was?" Shawn asked.

"Yeah," Alice replied.

There was silence for a few seconds, until Shawn repeated his original question. "Why's Daddy shouting?"

"Mon?" Phoebe prompted.

"Ugh," Monica complained, glaring at Phoebe. "Ah… I think you should ask your father, Ally and Shawn."

"If it means getting an answer, then I'll ask," Kendra offered. "Although I have an idea," she added, finishing on a teasing note.

"Ooh, what?" Alice queried, excitedly.

"Mom is in bed," Kendra began, a mischievous grin on her face, "And Chandler is wearing Mom's robe…

Alice's face changed as she worked out what Kendra was insinuating. "Bloody hell! You're kidding, aren't you?" She accompanied this with a shriek of laughter. As she caught sight of Monica's anxious look, however, the laughter died away. "Shit. You didn't. Please, please tell me you didn't."

"I – I – " Monica began, but trailed off. How was she to reason with a girl still grieving for her mother?

"I can't believe you," Alice stormed. "Did you not remember that my dad just lost his wife? Are you trying to replace my mum? And I s'pose your little speech this evening was to prepare me, huh? And I fell for it! Oh my… what was it, a way to butter up poor little Alice? Did you and Dad cook it up together? Oh!"

"No, no, Ally, I meant that, I truly did," Monica said, desperately. "I really – I wasn't – your father didn't know about it, it wasn't his idea, honestly, Ally. And I – "

"Leave it," Ally snapped, and began to rush out of the room. "'Scuse, Kendra."

"No!" Kendra retorted. "Ally, I might be out of order here, but – but Ally, surely, you can't believe that Mom is trying to replace your mom, can you?"

"I can and I will!"

"No, Ally, Mom wouldn't!" Kendra replied. "You've known Mom for ages, you must know that. And Ally, your mom didn't just die. She died eighteen months ago – "

"Sixteen," Shawn corrected her.

"Whatever," Kendra dismissed it. "What, do you think that they just jumped into bed together at the first opportunity?"

Monica had grown darkly red. "Kendra, please don't speak like that," she said.

Alice ignored Monica. "Kendra, I don't know how long they've been screwing each other!"

"We haven't!" Monica said. "It was only tonight."

Alice glared at her. "You mean you wanted to have a one-night stand?"

"No, I don't, and you know it!" Monica snapped. "You are deliberately misunderstanding me here, Alice."

"I'm not, Monica," replied Alice. "Look, just look at it from my perspective for a moment…"

"No, you look at it from my perspective," Monica corrected her. "I have been single for fourteen years, Alice. That is a long time. In all my life, I have only ever loved one man, the father of my daughter." Kendra shot her a look that she ignored. "I've spent my life raising Kendra, and trying to make enough money to afford a nice house and nice things. Is it so much to ask that I am allowed to have a relationship?"

"A relationship? Not just sex?" Alice queried.

"No. I don't know what you think of me, Ally, but I do care about more than just sex," Monica retorted.

"Sorry," Ally said, hurriedly.

"Don't be. I just – Ally, I want to be sure that there are no hard feelings between you and me, ok?" Monica checked. "'Cause I want to keep seeing your father. I'd do it with or without your approval, but I don't want – I mean, Ally, I would like for you to approve."

"You want my blessing?" Alice asked, amazed.

"I… I wouldn't call it that, but I s'pose so," Monica replied.

"I – I can't give you my blessing," Alice told her, softly. "But I… I'll not do anything against you and Dad. I'll accept it. That's the most I can do, I'm afraid. Is that ok?"

Chandler and Joey entered the room at that point. Joey nodded as he heard Alice speaking. "That's what I said, Ally."

"Joe, I wish – I wish you'd understand," Chandler said, his voice breaking slightly. "You're my brother, Joe. I want your approval."

"I've given you my acceptance, Chandler," Joey replied. "Please, just – just leave it at that. Mary was my sister. It's hard to see you with anyone but her. Oh, if I can ever give you my blessing, then I'll give it to you wholeheartedly. I'll tell you the moment I reach it. But Chandler… Mary was the person I was closest to."

"She was my wife," Chandler said softly. "My wife, ok? I was married to her for fourteen years. I had three children with her. I loved her. But, Joe, she died. And yeah, I was devastated, I still am. But, Joey, life goes on. I'm moving on. Wouldn't Mary want me to be happy? Or would she rather I sat around moping for the rest of my life?"

"It's just… I never expected to see you with anyone except Mary-Angela," Joey said, somewhat haltingly.

"I know. I know." Chandler gave a sigh. "But Joey, I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone! I might live for forty or fifty more years, and I want someone to be with."

"I – I understand," Joey replied. "But – why Monica?"

"Hey!" Monica protested.

"I – I don't know," Chandler said, thoughtfully.

"Is it just a one-night thing?" Joey persisted. "Do you just want sex, or do you want to spend the rest of your life with her?"

Chandler looked around. "Y'know, I'd feel a lot more comfortable if I wasn't having this conversation in front of my three kids and the woman I'm talking about…" He stopped when he realised that everyone was looking at him. "What?"

"Your three kids?" Joey repeated. "Who's the third kid?" He looked around the room, his eyes passing over Ally and Shawn, and settling on Kendra, who found herself growing red at the intensity of Joey's stare. "Wait a moment!" he said, loudly. "Kendra, c'mere a second!"

Not daring to do anything but obey, Kendra moved over to where Joey was standing. The electric whirring of her chair sounded unbearably loud in the silent room. Chandler was mentally kicking himself, Phoebe and Monica were exchanging panicked looks, Shawn looked confused, and Joey and Alice, who was starting to think along the same lines as her uncle, were beginning to think that Chandler's slip of the tongue was not a mistake. Kendra was almost scared. After all, she was the one causing the trouble.

"You – Chandler, please tell me that this isn't what I think it is," Joey said, turning to his brother-in-law.

Chandler looked panicked. "I would."

Alice's face turned fiery. "Dad."

"Yeah, sweetie?" Chandler asked, praying that Alice hadn't worked it out too. From her face, she probably had, but it was always worth praying, right?

"Dad, please, oh God, Kendra isn't your daughter, is she?" Alice asked.

Chandler shot a worried look at Monica, who returned it. And Kendra, the cause of the trouble, wished that she could slip between the people and escape.

"You're being a bit presumptuous, aren't you?" Monica pointed out. "I mean, Chandler goofed up, that's all. Two, three, there's no difference really."

Joey and Alice looked at each other. "I s'pose so," Joey agreed. "Yeah, sure. 'Cause you and Chandler never met before we came here, and anyway, Chandler was with my sister when Kendra was born, right?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I was, man," Chandler said, smiling, relieved.

"Ok, well, I mean, I never told you my news," Joey remembered.

"Oh yeah, what was your news?"

"Phoebe's pregnant!" Joey squealed. "Isn't it wonderful, Chandler? I'm gonna be a daddy!"

"That's great, man," Chandler said, smiling. "Well done, congratulations – you too, Pheebs."


"Thanks," Phoebe said, quietly. "Now, Joey, I – we've disturbed these lot enough. I think we should go, let them sleep."

"As long as by sleep you mean sleep, and not sex," Joey agreed. "I don't want to think of Chandler and Monica having sex."

"Ok," Chandler consented, whilst sharing a look with Monica that clearly said 'no way'. "You don't have to think of me and Monica having sex ever again Joe. I promise, alright?"

"Thanks, man." Joey gave a final smile, and left. Phoebe departed to her own room, and Chandler left to put Shawn to bed again. Alice and Kendra betook themselves into the hallway to talk.

"Can you believe it?" Alice asked.

"I – I'm not sure," Kendra said, thoughtfully. "It's a lot to take." In her heart, she was thrilled. But she was also disappointed. It seemed as though she would never be able to have a father now.