Interlude 1 (cont)
I didn't want to believe it but in my heart I had known from the minute I saw him lying there.
And it was all my fault.
I was the one who had been playing him out about his Muggle relatives. I was the one who scared him off when I saw his wrists.
The guilt felt so bad I could hardly breathe. I guessed what I felt was close to what Potter had felt every day since the 3rd task.
But he is - was, Harry Potter and I am Draco Malfoy so the way that we dealt with it was extremely different.
I am Malfoy and Malfoys don't show weakness so I had to find another way to cope with what I had done.
I had two choices, I could remain the haughty and aloof person that my father had trained me to be or I could be human.
My father's way was extremely tempting. It helped to discard the responsibility. It was the easy way out. It was also a step closer to becoming what my father wanted me to be.
So I chose to try and fix what I had done. I became friends with the Weasel. It was a traumatic experience, but as I grew to know him I realised that he was a good, fun person to be around. I think that if I had tried to befriend him any other time I wouldn't have had a hope in the world, but he was grieving. I offered him the support that the Mudbl- Hermione couldn't give to him.
Not that she could have offered anyone support in her condition. She had a breakdown. I have never seen anyone completely fold the way she did. Her whole personality changed and no-one was able to help her.
At Weasley's request I sat with her and read to her when he couldn't be there. I don't know why- she didn't hear a word.
As well as trying to help them, I also gave myself the task of trying to bring some sanity back into my godfathers life.
Yes, Snape is my godfather.
His behaviour was so bizarre in those next few weeks. I tried to talk to him, reason with him, but he wouldn't even speak to me. I banged on the door to his dungeons for hours, but he ignored me.
When he asked for the blood of every Potter lover in the school I thought he had lost it.
Now that I know why he wanted it I am convinced he has lost it.
He brought his most hated student back from the dead! And what makes it even harder to believe is that he didn't want any credit for his work.
Even now, as Potter is getting better, he acts strangely. He goes off into little worlds of his own. He jumps every time the word 'family' is mentioned. He sits by Potter's bed while he sleeps for Merlin's sake!
I saw him going to Dumbledore's office today. I have never seen him so scared. Well, I have never seen him scared at all, but he looked terrified.
Terrified and horrified. Apprehensive and angry. I don't know what is happening. All I know is that it can't be good.
I didn't want to believe it but in my heart I had known from the minute I saw him lying there.
And it was all my fault.
I was the one who had been playing him out about his Muggle relatives. I was the one who scared him off when I saw his wrists.
The guilt felt so bad I could hardly breathe. I guessed what I felt was close to what Potter had felt every day since the 3rd task.
But he is - was, Harry Potter and I am Draco Malfoy so the way that we dealt with it was extremely different.
I am Malfoy and Malfoys don't show weakness so I had to find another way to cope with what I had done.
I had two choices, I could remain the haughty and aloof person that my father had trained me to be or I could be human.
My father's way was extremely tempting. It helped to discard the responsibility. It was the easy way out. It was also a step closer to becoming what my father wanted me to be.
So I chose to try and fix what I had done. I became friends with the Weasel. It was a traumatic experience, but as I grew to know him I realised that he was a good, fun person to be around. I think that if I had tried to befriend him any other time I wouldn't have had a hope in the world, but he was grieving. I offered him the support that the Mudbl- Hermione couldn't give to him.
Not that she could have offered anyone support in her condition. She had a breakdown. I have never seen anyone completely fold the way she did. Her whole personality changed and no-one was able to help her.
At Weasley's request I sat with her and read to her when he couldn't be there. I don't know why- she didn't hear a word.
As well as trying to help them, I also gave myself the task of trying to bring some sanity back into my godfathers life.
Yes, Snape is my godfather.
His behaviour was so bizarre in those next few weeks. I tried to talk to him, reason with him, but he wouldn't even speak to me. I banged on the door to his dungeons for hours, but he ignored me.
When he asked for the blood of every Potter lover in the school I thought he had lost it.
Now that I know why he wanted it I am convinced he has lost it.
He brought his most hated student back from the dead! And what makes it even harder to believe is that he didn't want any credit for his work.
Even now, as Potter is getting better, he acts strangely. He goes off into little worlds of his own. He jumps every time the word 'family' is mentioned. He sits by Potter's bed while he sleeps for Merlin's sake!
I saw him going to Dumbledore's office today. I have never seen him so scared. Well, I have never seen him scared at all, but he looked terrified.
Terrified and horrified. Apprehensive and angry. I don't know what is happening. All I know is that it can't be good.