Chapter 12: Splitting History
(c) May 20, 2002, May 21, 2002
Special A/N: Thanks to David Falkayn for helping me correct a Buffy 3rd season timeline oversight! It's been corrected here (see if you can figure it out!)
Feedback would be much appeciated. And if you want this story, please ask for permission at hollywoodphoenix@yahoo.com. Thanks.
So far: The Fang Gang breaks into W&H to get some information about this mysterious project. They run into an old acquaintance there. In the past, Present!Cordy and Present!Angel break into Giles' apartment to find the spell book. They resolve to go to Vegas to find Kate.
~~ Angel's mansion, November 20, 1998 ~~
It was a very broody vampire that entered his abode in the early dark hours of the morning. Angel thought over the previous night's events as he dropped a duffel bag with the name 'Cordelia Chase' embroidered on the side beside his bed. Absentmindedly, he gently placed his Seer's softly scented red camisole onto his bed. He smiled fondly, as he remembered her vehement warning not to scrunch it into her bag or crinkle it. For a moment, he let the very familiar smell of lavender, roses and a uniquely Cordelia Chase scent whirl around his senses. Closing his eyes, he remembered the look on her face when he had come up close to her. The feel of her skin against his when he held her hand. And the unmistakeable sharp pain when she slipped from his grasp.
'What kind of dangerous game have I started?'
That evening, he had embarked on a path that he had never taken before. He was moving away from the easy comfort he felt whenever he was with Cordy and the light flirting. Originally, it had started as a fun joke. A simple reminder that he was a vampire and could and would live up to the legend of great romancers. After all, he could still make any girl, even just a friend, weak in her knees. Only after he'd succeeded, and he smirked, knowing that he had, he remembered that there was a line he shouldn't be toeing. The line was kept in place for a reason. First and foremost, she was just a friend, and considering that he didn't have many, much less female friends, he would be hardpressed to give her up. Besides, for the first time in his life, he didn't feel utterly alone. Secondly, he had a soul to keep in place. More and more he found that just being friends with her, taking simple pleasure out of being in her company, was becoming a potential liability. There were so many times that he would hug her out of sheer joy and happiness, and then pull back in fear that his soul would lose its anchor.
But most of all, he wanted her to understand that he would be there to comfort her when she needed it, as she was always there for him. Confiding to him about her weekend alone was one of the rare times that she ever let him see herself vulnerable and hurt. Looking back at their three years together, he suddenly realized that she never let down her guard. She bullied him until his walls fell down but kept hers firmly in place.
Except when she had pain-splitting visions.
Why was it so difficult for her to rely on other people, he mused. To let them in and comfort her? It wasn't as if she was distant. If anything, she was the most overly affectionate and fiercely loyal person he had ever encountered. The woman simply had no fear when it came to displaying her emotions. She made every like and dislike, and joy and sorrow apparent to the world and beyond. Yet, why was it that each time he got closer to her and became more dependent on her, more expectant that she would simply be in his life, she became less willing to depend on him? Hadn't he demonstrated in the past that he could be trusted? Hadn't he proven to her that he would be there for her as she was for him? She was the most open and honest, and yet complicated and confusing woman he had ever met. And she had the power to hurt him like no other.
It hurt, to be reeled in by her loud demands and caring soul, and then rejected over and over by the shield around her heart. It hurt a lot.
Yet this was the same woman who had once let Xander Harris in. What was it about him that made women like Cordy and Buffy and Willow trust him? What was it that made his very best friend ever susceptible to getting hurt by him?
Because she was hurt. It was only tonight that he realized how hurt she had been. How hurt she still was over Xander. And tonight, he had heard what she had only confided to Giles. He had heard her asking for a way to get him back.
It was funny how he had never considered that she might still be in love with him. But she had been so enamored with him, try as she would to hide it. Just like he had been obsessed with everything Buffy, she had lived and breathed everything Xander.
He could wring the weasel's neck for hurting her. For making her feel like she had to lock her deepest, darkest secrets within herself and away from everyone else.
Xander Harris was wrong for her. That was the long and short of it. There was no way that he would ever be good enough for his Cordy. There was no way that any man would ever be good enough for her. But the man for her would have to die trying.
Until that man appeared, he would take on the job.
Angel headed towards his back exit to the sewers. He needed to find transportation to get to Vegas, and that meant hunting some demons who still owed him favours. In fact, the more he thought about his road trip with Cordelia, the more he was glad for the time he would be able to spend with her. As he sped through the dark tunnels underneath the streets, he thought of the recurrence of Cordy's painful visions, her new demon powers, and the way that she kept things from him. He didn't want to force her to tell him everything, but he didn't want to be shut out, like he had when the visions were killing her. No way was the terrifying incident on her birthday going to be repeated. The distance between them then seemed to stem from her unwillingness to share her unresolved problems with him.
'Today when we go to Vegas,' he thought. 'This time around, you're going to tell me everything.'
~~ The Hyperion, January 24, 2002 ~~
In the office, Wesley and Willow were busy referencing their newfound information. Willow was reading the files that Cordelia had copied from Lilah's computer. There were a lot of files about the project and what Wolfram and Hart was doing, but she still had no idea what it really was or why Lilah and her cousin were involved.
"Wesley, I need to ask you something." Willow said, as she finished scanning the files.
"You know I shouldn't divulge anything more about Connor's parentage or why Angel didn't contact you or Buffy without his consent." Wesley replied automatically.
Willow blinked, surprised. "Uh, actually, I was wondering if the book you're reading mentions these Stones of Egrassa. Because, I've been looking on the Internet for them but the reference material is pretty sparse."
Wesley immediately gave her an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry. I thought you were still curious --." Wearily, the ex-Watcher took his glasses off and rubbed the bridge of his nose. ''I guess this has been a very long two days." Willow smiled sympathetically as he sighed. "I guess I'm also not the leader that I wished to be."
Willow wrinkled her forehead. "No," she protested. "You're doing great so far."
Wesley let out a dejected breath, "Please don't try to make me feel better. I have to face the truth when it stares blankly at me."
"I don't know why you think that. No one has questioned your authority." Willow said.
"But I have." Wesley said softly. "I am now."
"Everyone has doubts. We'll find a solution." Willow said, trying to make him feel better.
"Yes, but it should have been found already. Angel and Cordy should be here, their real consciousness here, right now. Instead, they're stuck reliving the past and potentially changing history as we know it." Wesley stared straight ahead of him, seemingly not seeing anything.
"You can't beat yourself up over this. We don't even know what caused Kate to switch consciousness. And obviously, this Wolfram and Hart law firm has been playing with some dark forces. You can't fight something that you don't know anything about." Willow felt helpless, watching the frown deepen on Wesley's face.
"Yes, I guess we've established that I'm not that useful, haven't we."
"No," she exclaimed. "You can't think that." Inwardly, she wondered why such an obviously smart man was being so hard on himself. "Thinking this way won't bring them back any faster."
"Perhaps not," he replied. "But it is a good motivator."
Willow stared at him, not knowing how to ease Wesley's depression. 'He's so discontented with his life that it's crippling him,' she thought. 'But what else can I say?' As she pondered what to say next, the door of the Hyperion opened. Upon hearing it, Wesley got up and headed out to the lobby. Willow immediately followed. Standing in the middle were the four that had broken into the law firm, and a fifth, unknown person.
Gunn opened his mouth to speak, but Cordelia beat him to it. "Hey guys," she said enthusiastically to them. "Guess who's got a story to tell."
"Lindsey McDonald." Wesley said to the stranger, his voice turning cold and distrusting. "I should have known you'd have something to do with this."
Willow watched as Angel noticed Wesley's reaction to him and grabbed the man by his collar, pushing him against the wall.
"You said you've got something to say." the vampire said menacingly, "Now say it."
The blond man, Lindsey, didn't seem fazed. "Always was an impatient one."
Cordelia's voice rang out, "Are you back to being all cave man again?" As Angel let Lindsey go, Cordelia came up to touch the shorter man's arm. "Are you alright? Can I get you anything?"
"Whoa, looks like someone's got a little crush." a voice from the back called out. Lorne slithered to Angel, who had hung back to fade into the shadows. "What is it with you two men fighting over the same women?"
Willow couldn't believe her ears. Cordelia and Angel? That was impossible. Apparently, Cordelia thought so as well.
"What?" Cordelia demanded in shock. "That's just -- wrong."
"Actually," Fred jumped in shyly, as Gunn opened his eyes wide and started making wide gestures with his hands. "It's kyerumption. The champion-ness in you two make you fated for each other." Gunn grimaced, as if bracing for an explosive reaction.
Angel looked away in disgust as Cordelia made a noise displaying her denial. "Since when did he become a champion?" she demanded. "And when did my fate end up in the same sentence as his?"
Willow watched the new guy, Lindsey, snicker in utter amusement. 'I think I'm missing the humour in this!' she thought.
Wesley cleared his throat. "Might I remind everyone that we've still got a very troublesome case to solve? Unless," he said, turning to Cordelia and Angel, "you plan on staying stuck this way forever." At his statement, everyone fell quiet.
Lindsey stepped forward. "Well then," he said, grinning, "guess you're finally ready for my story."
~~ Sunnydale High, November 20, 1998 ~~
"So, you finally going to tell me where you're going?" Xander asked Cordy as he fluttered around her locker.
Cordy sighed as she got her books out. "San Francisco. Harmony's cousin invited us out there."
"Why can't you stay here?" Xander asked, giving her his best weepy look. Cordy tried hard not to smile at it.
"And stay in this hell hole?" she asked him incredulously.
"Yeah, but I"m in it," he grinned.
Cordy rolled her eyes, but couldn't help breaking down and smiling at him. "It's only a weekend."
"Well, what am I going to do while you're away? Who's going to cure my loneliness while you're gone?"
"Maybe you can call Willow." she spit out, before she could stop herself.
"W-what?" Xander asked her nervously.
Cordy closed her eyes for a minute. "Don't you guys still have to work out that spell to de-rat Amy?"
"De-rat Amy?" Xander stared.
'Amy became a rat after we broke up.' Cordelia realized to herself suddenly. Aloud she put on her best no-nonsense voice. "Expression," she said dismissively. "Aren't you guys supposed to help Buffy go patrolling this weekend? Since Faith said she wouldn't be around?"
"Oh, yeah." Xander laughed a little shakily. He rubbed his palms on his shirt, as if they had suddenly gotten clammy. "Didn't think of that."
"Well, what did you think I meant?" she asked. Her mind started to scream at herself. What point was she trying to make with this?
"Hi Cordelia." a fake cheerful voice said behind her. Cordy whirled around to see Harmony pasting her toothy grin towards her.
"Harmony." Xander acknowledged the blonde girl. Harmony ignored him.
"Something's come up. I won't be able to drive down with you." the blonde girl said.
"That's okay." Cordy said quickly. When a surprised look passed over Harmony's face, she quickly added, "Well, I can't believe you're making me go down alone."
"Well, I can't do anything about it. Daddy said I simply have to have dinner with him tonight," she simpered. "His lawyer's serving Mother the divorce papers and he wants to show her that he's winning everything. Besides, he's the one with all the money in the family."
"And aren't you a wholesome family." Xander quipped. Inwardly, Cordy cringed.
"You better make it down." Cordy snapped. Even she was startled by her own reaction. 'Better tone it down,' she thought. I don't want her to think she has to come with me after all.'
"Oh, sure." Harmony said in her sugary voice. Her usual ding-dong expression surfaced as she suddenly started walking away. "Toodles!"
"Talk about clueless." Xander remarked, staring after her retreating figure. "Aren't you glad that you don't have problems like hers?"
'That's right.' Cordy thought sadly. 'Because mine are so much better.'
~~ The Hyperion, January 24, 2002 ~~
Lindsey had always wanted to know what it would be like to be part of Angel's little gang. When he had first realized what working for Wolfram & Hart was really like, he had secretly wondered whether Angel Investigations was any different. Looking at the way everyone interacted with each other during their confrontations, it seemed like they all really did care for one another. Last night, he had gotten the real scoop.
'So let me get this straight,' Charles Gunn said, a confused look on his face. 'Two years ago, Wolfram & Hart found this bad dude's stones? And these stones make it easier for people to switch minds with themselves?'
Lindsey smiled. Gunn seemed to be the everyday man of the group. "Actually, it's not easier, it's to determine the exact time with which they switched their minds. That's based on the planetary alignment in place when they were activated." As Gunn stared at him blankly, he explained further. "Because of the way the planets lined up, people switched minds with their past selves from exactly 3 years, 2 months, and 4 days ago."
"But only if they say the spell." Wesley supplied. "They can't switch without saying the spell."
"Then hopefully we don't have to worry about too many confused people walking around." Willow told the group. "We can focus on stopping Wolfram & Hart from continuing this."
"What I want to know is why?" Gunn asked. "What's the point for them doing all this?"
Lindsey shrugged. "Power? Because they can? I've given up trying to figure out why Wolfram & Hart does the things it does." He stared past the double doors onto the street. "The possibilities of how this could go wrong... I petitioned to shut down the project permanently, years ago, with Gerald Morgan, Lilah's cousin. I thought we were successful... but I should have remembered how obsessed Lilah was with the project. She fought tooth and nail to get it reinstated before I left. She was even ready to drag her own cousin through the mud just to get the project running again." The lawyer hung his head. "He was a good guy. He didn't deserve to die the way he did. I should have known he would get hurt... I never should have gotten him involved with all this again."
Cordelia reached out and rubbed his arm. Lindsey looked at her, surprised. She never seemed to be the type to comfort others.
"So, bottom line, how do we fix this?" Angel asked in a low voice. He crossed his arms, squinting at the two.
"We've got to find a way to destroy the stones. They're the key in all this." Lindsey replied, giving a sideways glance at the vampire, noticing that the vampire remained partially shrouded in shadow most of the time. It was strange; he was so used to seeing Angel at the head of the group.
"We can't just break them by conventional means." Wesley put in. "If these stones were created by a witch, they'll have magical properties preventing their easy destruction. We haven't found a spell to destroy them yet."
"There is a spell to make the stones more brittle." Willow offered, flipping the pages of one of Wesley's books. "They might be easier to smash then."
"So, once the stones are gone, what happens?" Gunn asked.
"Hopefully we're back to normal." Angel told him.
"This is scary." Fred remarked softly. When she shivered slightly, Wesley made a move towards her, but Gunn got there first. The tall dark vampire hunter placed his arm around her.
"Hey, we're gonna get through this, like we always do," Gunn assured the former physics student. "Right, guys?" No one said anything.
"Of course we are." Cordelia said firmly, making her way to the front to face the group. She gave everyone a fierce glare as if to dare them to say differently. Turning to Wesley, she asked him, "So, what's our plan?"
~~ Sunnydale High, November 20, 1998 ~~
"Hey Will, wait up." Xander called out to the redhead as she closed her locker.
"Oh, hi Xander." she said nervously. For a minute, she fidgeted with her hands and then finally hid them behind her back.
"Any plans for the weekend?" Xander asked casually.
Willow hesitated for a moment. "Actually, not really. Oz is going out of town with his band. He's got a gig in L.A!"
"That's great for him!" Xander replied, a little too enthusiastically.
Willow nodded excitedly. "I figure, I can use the extra time to prepare for my SAT scores."
"Uh, Willow, you do remember that we took them already, right?" Xander panned.
"I know," she responded. "But the scores come out next week and, well, I need some time to prepare for it."
"Then, you're in luck!" Xander exclaimed. He placed an arm around her. "Cordy's out of town too and you're in need of some major distraction. I'm your man."
The red-haired witch in training gave him a funny look. "You're always my man, Xander. I mean, for major distractions. I mean --" she trailed off.
For a minute, Xander and Willow stared at each other. Her arm had snaked around front to hold the hand that wasn't around her shoulders. Not realizing it, she was rubbing it gently.
Then suddenly, the magic was gone. They jumped away from each other, as if they had both received an electric shock.
"Actually, I need time to prepare alone. And I need to spend some quality time with my books this weekend." Willow threw out, backing away.
"Yeah, I guess you're right." Xander agreed in a strained voice.
"Maybe Buffy..." Willow suggested.
"Maybe Buffy..." Xander nodded.
Both of them turned away that instant, not knowing how to react. Then, they turned back to face each other.
"Xander, what are we doing?" Willow whispered.
"I can't help it," Xander said, shaking his head. "It's just that... you're my best friend."
Willow's eyes melted at the words. "Xander, you're my best friend too."
For another long minute, they gazed at each other, giving each other shy smiles. The world around them faded.
From behind her locker, Harmony peeked at the two losers she would never in a million years associate with. A wicked smile passed over her face as she contemplated the perfect opportunity that fate had tossed her way. 'Awww, poor Cordelia,' she thought. 'Looks like I'm going to have to make your life miserable in San Francisco.'
~~ The Hyperion, January 24, 2002 ~~
Wesley took in a deep breath as he gazed blearily at the book in front of him. He was trying to find out more about the stones that they would have to destroy, but was having difficulty focusing. He hadn't gotten much sleep over the last two days and although he was used to it, it was starting to take a toll on his concentration.
"We've booked the plane tickets online." Willow announced as she entered his office, holding several printed out electronic tickets. Looking at the worried expression on his face, she asked, "What's wrong?"
"I'm concerned about what happens after we destroy the stones." Wesley admitted. "We can't be certain that everything will suddenly return back to normal after they've been destroyed."
"You mean our Angel and Cordy could be stuck in 1998?" Willow said, sinking into the seat in front of the desk. "If we destroy the stones, we can't even use the spell to try to get them back."
"Unfortunately, we can't get the spell to work anymore. Angel tried switching back before and nothing happened."
"Maybe they need to do it in 1998." Willow suggested. "Maybe it has to be the consciousness that said the spell originally that will make it work."
"If that's the case, then we need to wait until they've switched back before destroying the stones." Wesley exhaled slowly. "But we have no way of telling them that."
"How long can we wait?" Willow reasoned. "If we don't destroy the stones as soon as possible, Wolfram & Hart can keep using them for their own nefarious purposes, whatever they are."
"And if we do destroy them, then Angel and Cordelia will remain switched forever. That could potentially ruin our timeline."
"Well, we're not seeing any changes, right?"
"No." Wesley answered. Then grimly, he said, "But will we know if there are any? Our memories could be changing without us realizing it."
"Oh." Willow said, shocked. "I hadn't considered that."
Wesley stared out the doorway into the lobby. He made a decision. "We can't wait for the possibilities," he said firmly. "Our primary concern should be to stop Wolfram & Hart first. Angel would agree if he were here." He reached for the electronic tickets that Willow was still holding and headed to the lobby. "May I have everyone's attention please?" he called out. "I'm ready to assign the teams and distribute your plane tickets."
~~ Angel's mansion, November 20, 1998 ~~
In the late afternoon, Angel got a surprise visitor.
"Hello? Anyone home?" a blonde head poked into the large mansion in the cemetary.
"Buffy." It was strange how one word could convey so many different emotions. Passion. Tenderness. Trust. Sorrow. Heartache.
"I came to... talk." the beautiful slayer that had been his most prevalent thought each day for three years said to him.
"To talk," he repeated. He remembered all those times when they were alone in his mansion, learning new things about each other and he knew better. Swallowing hard, he leaned against his fireplace, keeping his distance from her.
She looked at him in consternation, as if confused at his distance from her. "I'm worried. About Faith."
Angel let out a pent-up breath that he hadn't known he was holding. "Has she been on your case about us?"
Buffy shook her head. "No, it's not that. I need to assure her that I'm on the same side as her."
"There's a rift between you two." Angel said carefully. "It's because of us, isn't it?"
Buffy looked down. "Yeah, I guess so." She looked to the side. "She just doesn't understand. She hasn't been with me from day one."
'Xander doesn't understand,' Angel thought. 'and he has been with you from day one.' Aloud, he said, "Give her time. Having so many Watchers die or turn evil on her must be rough."
"Right." Buffy said. She shuffled her feet nervously. "I miss you," she finally said.
Angel stared at her in surprise. This didn't happen before. It was always implied, but she never just straight out told him that. "I miss you too," he admitted.
"Each day, it's so hard staying away from you. Pretending that we're just friends." Buffy confessed, tears welling up in her eyes. Miraculously, they didn't fall. "I tell myself that's it for the best, but I can't fool myself."
Angel was torn. "We have to," he told her softly, moving closer to her. "There's no choice."
Suddenly, she threw herself into his arms. "There's got to be another way. Some way to be together."
It had been a while since he had held her. He wrapped his arms around her, surprised at how much smaller she felt in his arms than he remembered. "There isn't any."
Buffy was adament. "No, Ms. Calendar was trying to find it. She was on the right track." A sob racked her body as she clung to him. "She was so sure of it."
Angel was pained. "And I killed her."
"It wasn't you," Buffy whispered. She gazed up into his eyes and put a hand on his face.
Big green eyes rested soulfully on his brown ones and he was entranced. It had been too long since he had felt this way. "I won't be like that ever again."
He couldn't say how it happened. One minute, they were staring into each other's eyes, and the next, his mouth was on hers. Or maybe, it was her lips on his. Regardless, it was familiar and nice, and oh so sweet. It was like a wonderful trip down a long-forgotten dream and he started to remember the lusciousness of her lips, the sweet taste of her tongue, and the smoothness of her perfect skin. Any second, he expected the thunder that would start roaring in his ears and the drums that would beat in his heart.
Only this time there was no thunder and the drums seemed to have quieted down a lot.
Confused, he deepened the kiss and growled. The tiny slayer responded enthusiastically and tightened her hold around him. She raised a hand to softly brush it through his short hair. It was at that moment that he caught a whiff of lavendar and roses coming from the direction of his bedroom.
He suddenly stepped away and held back a gasp. He shook his head; he didn't need to breathe.
His gaze fell on the red camisole that was peeking from the edge of his bed. Panicking he looked into the large, pained eyes of the blonde vampire slayer.
"I can't," he said desperately, trying not to draw attention to his bedroom.
Her eyes were downcast. "I understand." She started backing away towards the door. "I shouldn't have come here. We should just be --"
"Friends," he cut in. Then, almost to himself, he echoed, "We're friends."
"Right," Buffy agreed sadly. "I shouldn't be here," she said, as if telling herself that. "I should probably go."
Preoccupied with the red camisole, he shifted on his feet, as if to mentally hustle her out. "That's probably best," he said distractedly.
Buffy paused at the door. "Angel," she said as she was leaving. "Are we alright?"
He looked away for a minute before answering her. "Yeah," he said, not quite realizing that a change had begun between them. "We will be."
~~ * ~~ * ~~ * ~~ * ~~ * ~~
Disclaimers: Angel and Co. aren't mine.
A/N: Well, so now that secret's out. Mystery man is Lindsey... and to all his fans out there, I guarantee that he's getting some action/adventure in this story! Also, I've been trying very very hard not make Buffy entirely cry-Buffy or bitchy-Buffy. I respect B/A and love the story arc behind it, but I'm not dwelling on it and I want to deal with Angel trying to come to terms with his life now, his growing attachment and feelings for Cordy, what it means when it comes to his eternal love affair with Buffy, as well as the issues that the show seems to introduce but never resolve! It's not my intention to force any particular relationship out of this but to write something believable and in line with the direction of the characters on Angel. And of course to throw in a few crises to solve and a little fun to boot. So, having said that, relationships and friendships that don't normally crop up have already been forming and others will be developing in the next few chapters. It might cause controversy, but please keep in mind that I'm exploring possibilities and let me know if something is downright unbelievable. Thanks!
(c) May 20, 2002, May 21, 2002
Special A/N: Thanks to David Falkayn for helping me correct a Buffy 3rd season timeline oversight! It's been corrected here (see if you can figure it out!)
Feedback would be much appeciated. And if you want this story, please ask for permission at hollywoodphoenix@yahoo.com. Thanks.
So far: The Fang Gang breaks into W&H to get some information about this mysterious project. They run into an old acquaintance there. In the past, Present!Cordy and Present!Angel break into Giles' apartment to find the spell book. They resolve to go to Vegas to find Kate.
~~ Angel's mansion, November 20, 1998 ~~
It was a very broody vampire that entered his abode in the early dark hours of the morning. Angel thought over the previous night's events as he dropped a duffel bag with the name 'Cordelia Chase' embroidered on the side beside his bed. Absentmindedly, he gently placed his Seer's softly scented red camisole onto his bed. He smiled fondly, as he remembered her vehement warning not to scrunch it into her bag or crinkle it. For a moment, he let the very familiar smell of lavender, roses and a uniquely Cordelia Chase scent whirl around his senses. Closing his eyes, he remembered the look on her face when he had come up close to her. The feel of her skin against his when he held her hand. And the unmistakeable sharp pain when she slipped from his grasp.
'What kind of dangerous game have I started?'
That evening, he had embarked on a path that he had never taken before. He was moving away from the easy comfort he felt whenever he was with Cordy and the light flirting. Originally, it had started as a fun joke. A simple reminder that he was a vampire and could and would live up to the legend of great romancers. After all, he could still make any girl, even just a friend, weak in her knees. Only after he'd succeeded, and he smirked, knowing that he had, he remembered that there was a line he shouldn't be toeing. The line was kept in place for a reason. First and foremost, she was just a friend, and considering that he didn't have many, much less female friends, he would be hardpressed to give her up. Besides, for the first time in his life, he didn't feel utterly alone. Secondly, he had a soul to keep in place. More and more he found that just being friends with her, taking simple pleasure out of being in her company, was becoming a potential liability. There were so many times that he would hug her out of sheer joy and happiness, and then pull back in fear that his soul would lose its anchor.
But most of all, he wanted her to understand that he would be there to comfort her when she needed it, as she was always there for him. Confiding to him about her weekend alone was one of the rare times that she ever let him see herself vulnerable and hurt. Looking back at their three years together, he suddenly realized that she never let down her guard. She bullied him until his walls fell down but kept hers firmly in place.
Except when she had pain-splitting visions.
Why was it so difficult for her to rely on other people, he mused. To let them in and comfort her? It wasn't as if she was distant. If anything, she was the most overly affectionate and fiercely loyal person he had ever encountered. The woman simply had no fear when it came to displaying her emotions. She made every like and dislike, and joy and sorrow apparent to the world and beyond. Yet, why was it that each time he got closer to her and became more dependent on her, more expectant that she would simply be in his life, she became less willing to depend on him? Hadn't he demonstrated in the past that he could be trusted? Hadn't he proven to her that he would be there for her as she was for him? She was the most open and honest, and yet complicated and confusing woman he had ever met. And she had the power to hurt him like no other.
It hurt, to be reeled in by her loud demands and caring soul, and then rejected over and over by the shield around her heart. It hurt a lot.
Yet this was the same woman who had once let Xander Harris in. What was it about him that made women like Cordy and Buffy and Willow trust him? What was it that made his very best friend ever susceptible to getting hurt by him?
Because she was hurt. It was only tonight that he realized how hurt she had been. How hurt she still was over Xander. And tonight, he had heard what she had only confided to Giles. He had heard her asking for a way to get him back.
It was funny how he had never considered that she might still be in love with him. But she had been so enamored with him, try as she would to hide it. Just like he had been obsessed with everything Buffy, she had lived and breathed everything Xander.
He could wring the weasel's neck for hurting her. For making her feel like she had to lock her deepest, darkest secrets within herself and away from everyone else.
Xander Harris was wrong for her. That was the long and short of it. There was no way that he would ever be good enough for his Cordy. There was no way that any man would ever be good enough for her. But the man for her would have to die trying.
Until that man appeared, he would take on the job.
Angel headed towards his back exit to the sewers. He needed to find transportation to get to Vegas, and that meant hunting some demons who still owed him favours. In fact, the more he thought about his road trip with Cordelia, the more he was glad for the time he would be able to spend with her. As he sped through the dark tunnels underneath the streets, he thought of the recurrence of Cordy's painful visions, her new demon powers, and the way that she kept things from him. He didn't want to force her to tell him everything, but he didn't want to be shut out, like he had when the visions were killing her. No way was the terrifying incident on her birthday going to be repeated. The distance between them then seemed to stem from her unwillingness to share her unresolved problems with him.
'Today when we go to Vegas,' he thought. 'This time around, you're going to tell me everything.'
~~ The Hyperion, January 24, 2002 ~~
In the office, Wesley and Willow were busy referencing their newfound information. Willow was reading the files that Cordelia had copied from Lilah's computer. There were a lot of files about the project and what Wolfram and Hart was doing, but she still had no idea what it really was or why Lilah and her cousin were involved.
"Wesley, I need to ask you something." Willow said, as she finished scanning the files.
"You know I shouldn't divulge anything more about Connor's parentage or why Angel didn't contact you or Buffy without his consent." Wesley replied automatically.
Willow blinked, surprised. "Uh, actually, I was wondering if the book you're reading mentions these Stones of Egrassa. Because, I've been looking on the Internet for them but the reference material is pretty sparse."
Wesley immediately gave her an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry. I thought you were still curious --." Wearily, the ex-Watcher took his glasses off and rubbed the bridge of his nose. ''I guess this has been a very long two days." Willow smiled sympathetically as he sighed. "I guess I'm also not the leader that I wished to be."
Willow wrinkled her forehead. "No," she protested. "You're doing great so far."
Wesley let out a dejected breath, "Please don't try to make me feel better. I have to face the truth when it stares blankly at me."
"I don't know why you think that. No one has questioned your authority." Willow said.
"But I have." Wesley said softly. "I am now."
"Everyone has doubts. We'll find a solution." Willow said, trying to make him feel better.
"Yes, but it should have been found already. Angel and Cordy should be here, their real consciousness here, right now. Instead, they're stuck reliving the past and potentially changing history as we know it." Wesley stared straight ahead of him, seemingly not seeing anything.
"You can't beat yourself up over this. We don't even know what caused Kate to switch consciousness. And obviously, this Wolfram and Hart law firm has been playing with some dark forces. You can't fight something that you don't know anything about." Willow felt helpless, watching the frown deepen on Wesley's face.
"Yes, I guess we've established that I'm not that useful, haven't we."
"No," she exclaimed. "You can't think that." Inwardly, she wondered why such an obviously smart man was being so hard on himself. "Thinking this way won't bring them back any faster."
"Perhaps not," he replied. "But it is a good motivator."
Willow stared at him, not knowing how to ease Wesley's depression. 'He's so discontented with his life that it's crippling him,' she thought. 'But what else can I say?' As she pondered what to say next, the door of the Hyperion opened. Upon hearing it, Wesley got up and headed out to the lobby. Willow immediately followed. Standing in the middle were the four that had broken into the law firm, and a fifth, unknown person.
Gunn opened his mouth to speak, but Cordelia beat him to it. "Hey guys," she said enthusiastically to them. "Guess who's got a story to tell."
"Lindsey McDonald." Wesley said to the stranger, his voice turning cold and distrusting. "I should have known you'd have something to do with this."
Willow watched as Angel noticed Wesley's reaction to him and grabbed the man by his collar, pushing him against the wall.
"You said you've got something to say." the vampire said menacingly, "Now say it."
The blond man, Lindsey, didn't seem fazed. "Always was an impatient one."
Cordelia's voice rang out, "Are you back to being all cave man again?" As Angel let Lindsey go, Cordelia came up to touch the shorter man's arm. "Are you alright? Can I get you anything?"
"Whoa, looks like someone's got a little crush." a voice from the back called out. Lorne slithered to Angel, who had hung back to fade into the shadows. "What is it with you two men fighting over the same women?"
Willow couldn't believe her ears. Cordelia and Angel? That was impossible. Apparently, Cordelia thought so as well.
"What?" Cordelia demanded in shock. "That's just -- wrong."
"Actually," Fred jumped in shyly, as Gunn opened his eyes wide and started making wide gestures with his hands. "It's kyerumption. The champion-ness in you two make you fated for each other." Gunn grimaced, as if bracing for an explosive reaction.
Angel looked away in disgust as Cordelia made a noise displaying her denial. "Since when did he become a champion?" she demanded. "And when did my fate end up in the same sentence as his?"
Willow watched the new guy, Lindsey, snicker in utter amusement. 'I think I'm missing the humour in this!' she thought.
Wesley cleared his throat. "Might I remind everyone that we've still got a very troublesome case to solve? Unless," he said, turning to Cordelia and Angel, "you plan on staying stuck this way forever." At his statement, everyone fell quiet.
Lindsey stepped forward. "Well then," he said, grinning, "guess you're finally ready for my story."
~~ Sunnydale High, November 20, 1998 ~~
"So, you finally going to tell me where you're going?" Xander asked Cordy as he fluttered around her locker.
Cordy sighed as she got her books out. "San Francisco. Harmony's cousin invited us out there."
"Why can't you stay here?" Xander asked, giving her his best weepy look. Cordy tried hard not to smile at it.
"And stay in this hell hole?" she asked him incredulously.
"Yeah, but I"m in it," he grinned.
Cordy rolled her eyes, but couldn't help breaking down and smiling at him. "It's only a weekend."
"Well, what am I going to do while you're away? Who's going to cure my loneliness while you're gone?"
"Maybe you can call Willow." she spit out, before she could stop herself.
"W-what?" Xander asked her nervously.
Cordy closed her eyes for a minute. "Don't you guys still have to work out that spell to de-rat Amy?"
"De-rat Amy?" Xander stared.
'Amy became a rat after we broke up.' Cordelia realized to herself suddenly. Aloud she put on her best no-nonsense voice. "Expression," she said dismissively. "Aren't you guys supposed to help Buffy go patrolling this weekend? Since Faith said she wouldn't be around?"
"Oh, yeah." Xander laughed a little shakily. He rubbed his palms on his shirt, as if they had suddenly gotten clammy. "Didn't think of that."
"Well, what did you think I meant?" she asked. Her mind started to scream at herself. What point was she trying to make with this?
"Hi Cordelia." a fake cheerful voice said behind her. Cordy whirled around to see Harmony pasting her toothy grin towards her.
"Harmony." Xander acknowledged the blonde girl. Harmony ignored him.
"Something's come up. I won't be able to drive down with you." the blonde girl said.
"That's okay." Cordy said quickly. When a surprised look passed over Harmony's face, she quickly added, "Well, I can't believe you're making me go down alone."
"Well, I can't do anything about it. Daddy said I simply have to have dinner with him tonight," she simpered. "His lawyer's serving Mother the divorce papers and he wants to show her that he's winning everything. Besides, he's the one with all the money in the family."
"And aren't you a wholesome family." Xander quipped. Inwardly, Cordy cringed.
"You better make it down." Cordy snapped. Even she was startled by her own reaction. 'Better tone it down,' she thought. I don't want her to think she has to come with me after all.'
"Oh, sure." Harmony said in her sugary voice. Her usual ding-dong expression surfaced as she suddenly started walking away. "Toodles!"
"Talk about clueless." Xander remarked, staring after her retreating figure. "Aren't you glad that you don't have problems like hers?"
'That's right.' Cordy thought sadly. 'Because mine are so much better.'
~~ The Hyperion, January 24, 2002 ~~
Lindsey had always wanted to know what it would be like to be part of Angel's little gang. When he had first realized what working for Wolfram & Hart was really like, he had secretly wondered whether Angel Investigations was any different. Looking at the way everyone interacted with each other during their confrontations, it seemed like they all really did care for one another. Last night, he had gotten the real scoop.
'So let me get this straight,' Charles Gunn said, a confused look on his face. 'Two years ago, Wolfram & Hart found this bad dude's stones? And these stones make it easier for people to switch minds with themselves?'
Lindsey smiled. Gunn seemed to be the everyday man of the group. "Actually, it's not easier, it's to determine the exact time with which they switched their minds. That's based on the planetary alignment in place when they were activated." As Gunn stared at him blankly, he explained further. "Because of the way the planets lined up, people switched minds with their past selves from exactly 3 years, 2 months, and 4 days ago."
"But only if they say the spell." Wesley supplied. "They can't switch without saying the spell."
"Then hopefully we don't have to worry about too many confused people walking around." Willow told the group. "We can focus on stopping Wolfram & Hart from continuing this."
"What I want to know is why?" Gunn asked. "What's the point for them doing all this?"
Lindsey shrugged. "Power? Because they can? I've given up trying to figure out why Wolfram & Hart does the things it does." He stared past the double doors onto the street. "The possibilities of how this could go wrong... I petitioned to shut down the project permanently, years ago, with Gerald Morgan, Lilah's cousin. I thought we were successful... but I should have remembered how obsessed Lilah was with the project. She fought tooth and nail to get it reinstated before I left. She was even ready to drag her own cousin through the mud just to get the project running again." The lawyer hung his head. "He was a good guy. He didn't deserve to die the way he did. I should have known he would get hurt... I never should have gotten him involved with all this again."
Cordelia reached out and rubbed his arm. Lindsey looked at her, surprised. She never seemed to be the type to comfort others.
"So, bottom line, how do we fix this?" Angel asked in a low voice. He crossed his arms, squinting at the two.
"We've got to find a way to destroy the stones. They're the key in all this." Lindsey replied, giving a sideways glance at the vampire, noticing that the vampire remained partially shrouded in shadow most of the time. It was strange; he was so used to seeing Angel at the head of the group.
"We can't just break them by conventional means." Wesley put in. "If these stones were created by a witch, they'll have magical properties preventing their easy destruction. We haven't found a spell to destroy them yet."
"There is a spell to make the stones more brittle." Willow offered, flipping the pages of one of Wesley's books. "They might be easier to smash then."
"So, once the stones are gone, what happens?" Gunn asked.
"Hopefully we're back to normal." Angel told him.
"This is scary." Fred remarked softly. When she shivered slightly, Wesley made a move towards her, but Gunn got there first. The tall dark vampire hunter placed his arm around her.
"Hey, we're gonna get through this, like we always do," Gunn assured the former physics student. "Right, guys?" No one said anything.
"Of course we are." Cordelia said firmly, making her way to the front to face the group. She gave everyone a fierce glare as if to dare them to say differently. Turning to Wesley, she asked him, "So, what's our plan?"
~~ Sunnydale High, November 20, 1998 ~~
"Hey Will, wait up." Xander called out to the redhead as she closed her locker.
"Oh, hi Xander." she said nervously. For a minute, she fidgeted with her hands and then finally hid them behind her back.
"Any plans for the weekend?" Xander asked casually.
Willow hesitated for a moment. "Actually, not really. Oz is going out of town with his band. He's got a gig in L.A!"
"That's great for him!" Xander replied, a little too enthusiastically.
Willow nodded excitedly. "I figure, I can use the extra time to prepare for my SAT scores."
"Uh, Willow, you do remember that we took them already, right?" Xander panned.
"I know," she responded. "But the scores come out next week and, well, I need some time to prepare for it."
"Then, you're in luck!" Xander exclaimed. He placed an arm around her. "Cordy's out of town too and you're in need of some major distraction. I'm your man."
The red-haired witch in training gave him a funny look. "You're always my man, Xander. I mean, for major distractions. I mean --" she trailed off.
For a minute, Xander and Willow stared at each other. Her arm had snaked around front to hold the hand that wasn't around her shoulders. Not realizing it, she was rubbing it gently.
Then suddenly, the magic was gone. They jumped away from each other, as if they had both received an electric shock.
"Actually, I need time to prepare alone. And I need to spend some quality time with my books this weekend." Willow threw out, backing away.
"Yeah, I guess you're right." Xander agreed in a strained voice.
"Maybe Buffy..." Willow suggested.
"Maybe Buffy..." Xander nodded.
Both of them turned away that instant, not knowing how to react. Then, they turned back to face each other.
"Xander, what are we doing?" Willow whispered.
"I can't help it," Xander said, shaking his head. "It's just that... you're my best friend."
Willow's eyes melted at the words. "Xander, you're my best friend too."
For another long minute, they gazed at each other, giving each other shy smiles. The world around them faded.
From behind her locker, Harmony peeked at the two losers she would never in a million years associate with. A wicked smile passed over her face as she contemplated the perfect opportunity that fate had tossed her way. 'Awww, poor Cordelia,' she thought. 'Looks like I'm going to have to make your life miserable in San Francisco.'
~~ The Hyperion, January 24, 2002 ~~
Wesley took in a deep breath as he gazed blearily at the book in front of him. He was trying to find out more about the stones that they would have to destroy, but was having difficulty focusing. He hadn't gotten much sleep over the last two days and although he was used to it, it was starting to take a toll on his concentration.
"We've booked the plane tickets online." Willow announced as she entered his office, holding several printed out electronic tickets. Looking at the worried expression on his face, she asked, "What's wrong?"
"I'm concerned about what happens after we destroy the stones." Wesley admitted. "We can't be certain that everything will suddenly return back to normal after they've been destroyed."
"You mean our Angel and Cordy could be stuck in 1998?" Willow said, sinking into the seat in front of the desk. "If we destroy the stones, we can't even use the spell to try to get them back."
"Unfortunately, we can't get the spell to work anymore. Angel tried switching back before and nothing happened."
"Maybe they need to do it in 1998." Willow suggested. "Maybe it has to be the consciousness that said the spell originally that will make it work."
"If that's the case, then we need to wait until they've switched back before destroying the stones." Wesley exhaled slowly. "But we have no way of telling them that."
"How long can we wait?" Willow reasoned. "If we don't destroy the stones as soon as possible, Wolfram & Hart can keep using them for their own nefarious purposes, whatever they are."
"And if we do destroy them, then Angel and Cordelia will remain switched forever. That could potentially ruin our timeline."
"Well, we're not seeing any changes, right?"
"No." Wesley answered. Then grimly, he said, "But will we know if there are any? Our memories could be changing without us realizing it."
"Oh." Willow said, shocked. "I hadn't considered that."
Wesley stared out the doorway into the lobby. He made a decision. "We can't wait for the possibilities," he said firmly. "Our primary concern should be to stop Wolfram & Hart first. Angel would agree if he were here." He reached for the electronic tickets that Willow was still holding and headed to the lobby. "May I have everyone's attention please?" he called out. "I'm ready to assign the teams and distribute your plane tickets."
~~ Angel's mansion, November 20, 1998 ~~
In the late afternoon, Angel got a surprise visitor.
"Hello? Anyone home?" a blonde head poked into the large mansion in the cemetary.
"Buffy." It was strange how one word could convey so many different emotions. Passion. Tenderness. Trust. Sorrow. Heartache.
"I came to... talk." the beautiful slayer that had been his most prevalent thought each day for three years said to him.
"To talk," he repeated. He remembered all those times when they were alone in his mansion, learning new things about each other and he knew better. Swallowing hard, he leaned against his fireplace, keeping his distance from her.
She looked at him in consternation, as if confused at his distance from her. "I'm worried. About Faith."
Angel let out a pent-up breath that he hadn't known he was holding. "Has she been on your case about us?"
Buffy shook her head. "No, it's not that. I need to assure her that I'm on the same side as her."
"There's a rift between you two." Angel said carefully. "It's because of us, isn't it?"
Buffy looked down. "Yeah, I guess so." She looked to the side. "She just doesn't understand. She hasn't been with me from day one."
'Xander doesn't understand,' Angel thought. 'and he has been with you from day one.' Aloud, he said, "Give her time. Having so many Watchers die or turn evil on her must be rough."
"Right." Buffy said. She shuffled her feet nervously. "I miss you," she finally said.
Angel stared at her in surprise. This didn't happen before. It was always implied, but she never just straight out told him that. "I miss you too," he admitted.
"Each day, it's so hard staying away from you. Pretending that we're just friends." Buffy confessed, tears welling up in her eyes. Miraculously, they didn't fall. "I tell myself that's it for the best, but I can't fool myself."
Angel was torn. "We have to," he told her softly, moving closer to her. "There's no choice."
Suddenly, she threw herself into his arms. "There's got to be another way. Some way to be together."
It had been a while since he had held her. He wrapped his arms around her, surprised at how much smaller she felt in his arms than he remembered. "There isn't any."
Buffy was adament. "No, Ms. Calendar was trying to find it. She was on the right track." A sob racked her body as she clung to him. "She was so sure of it."
Angel was pained. "And I killed her."
"It wasn't you," Buffy whispered. She gazed up into his eyes and put a hand on his face.
Big green eyes rested soulfully on his brown ones and he was entranced. It had been too long since he had felt this way. "I won't be like that ever again."
He couldn't say how it happened. One minute, they were staring into each other's eyes, and the next, his mouth was on hers. Or maybe, it was her lips on his. Regardless, it was familiar and nice, and oh so sweet. It was like a wonderful trip down a long-forgotten dream and he started to remember the lusciousness of her lips, the sweet taste of her tongue, and the smoothness of her perfect skin. Any second, he expected the thunder that would start roaring in his ears and the drums that would beat in his heart.
Only this time there was no thunder and the drums seemed to have quieted down a lot.
Confused, he deepened the kiss and growled. The tiny slayer responded enthusiastically and tightened her hold around him. She raised a hand to softly brush it through his short hair. It was at that moment that he caught a whiff of lavendar and roses coming from the direction of his bedroom.
He suddenly stepped away and held back a gasp. He shook his head; he didn't need to breathe.
His gaze fell on the red camisole that was peeking from the edge of his bed. Panicking he looked into the large, pained eyes of the blonde vampire slayer.
"I can't," he said desperately, trying not to draw attention to his bedroom.
Her eyes were downcast. "I understand." She started backing away towards the door. "I shouldn't have come here. We should just be --"
"Friends," he cut in. Then, almost to himself, he echoed, "We're friends."
"Right," Buffy agreed sadly. "I shouldn't be here," she said, as if telling herself that. "I should probably go."
Preoccupied with the red camisole, he shifted on his feet, as if to mentally hustle her out. "That's probably best," he said distractedly.
Buffy paused at the door. "Angel," she said as she was leaving. "Are we alright?"
He looked away for a minute before answering her. "Yeah," he said, not quite realizing that a change had begun between them. "We will be."
~~ * ~~ * ~~ * ~~ * ~~ * ~~
Disclaimers: Angel and Co. aren't mine.
A/N: Well, so now that secret's out. Mystery man is Lindsey... and to all his fans out there, I guarantee that he's getting some action/adventure in this story! Also, I've been trying very very hard not make Buffy entirely cry-Buffy or bitchy-Buffy. I respect B/A and love the story arc behind it, but I'm not dwelling on it and I want to deal with Angel trying to come to terms with his life now, his growing attachment and feelings for Cordy, what it means when it comes to his eternal love affair with Buffy, as well as the issues that the show seems to introduce but never resolve! It's not my intention to force any particular relationship out of this but to write something believable and in line with the direction of the characters on Angel. And of course to throw in a few crises to solve and a little fun to boot. So, having said that, relationships and friendships that don't normally crop up have already been forming and others will be developing in the next few chapters. It might cause controversy, but please keep in mind that I'm exploring possibilities and let me know if something is downright unbelievable. Thanks!