Guardian VII (Separation anxiety)

I realized how utterly senseless daytime TV is. Nothing there is worth looking at. I wonder how the bit always finds something interesting to watch?

Finally giving up I turn off the television and wonder for the umpteenth time how she was doing. If she was getting along with her teacher and mates and if she was feeling as aimless as I was.

It was funny really but she had become the most important part of my life. How in the bloody hell did that happen?

I had taken her in as an insurance policy. As a way to guarantee my continued existence sometime in near future. He who controls the mighty and all that rot. Whatever. Anyhow she kind of grew on me and become a person and not simply a useful tool. But it wasn't that I have developed a high regard for her kind. The human populace is still an open buffet that I rarely indulge in. No, my esteem is limited to my girl.

For she was "mine". She may have been born to a long-dead mother but she had become mine. My diaper changing, my interminable rocking, singing, cooing and my sleepless nights and days had made her mine. My worrying, my caring and possibly my love had sealed it. Her smiles, her temper, her funny jokes and even her pain belong all to me. This is my child.

But what happens when she is no longer a child?

Will the Slayer in her come to hate me? Will her calling allow her to see me as something more than natural prey? Would I die at her stake?

God no. I know that I would never… I could never…

No. I won't think of that today. Lots of depressing thoughts going on today. It must be the side effects of missing the bit. I need a hobby.

The clock reveals that is almost noon. Kindergarten at George Washington elementary gets off at 11:30a.m. My neighbor would be bringing her in at any second. I have to have lunch ready.

To celebrate her first day at school I had made her favorite chicken fingers with mozzarella cheese and animal-shaped fries. Dessert was chocolate-chip ice cream with sprinkles.

I don't need sensitive vamp-hearing to pick up the loud knocks. I leave the sofa, open the door and barely manage to hold my balance as bite-sized lunges herself at me.

She smells of crayons and antibacterial soap. Her light blue jeans and pink polo shirt have grass stains that I doubt I will be able to get out. Her kiss tastes of chocolate chip cookies.

I manage to send the sitter off without dropping the bit or her backpack. We make our way to her bedroom where I put her down gently on the bed.

She is all smiles. It's obvious that the day had gone well for her. I feel a twinge of jealously that she has manages just find without me whereas I…

My now-independent nibblet did not waste anytime in telling me about her day. She'd met lots of kids and had a teacher that gave out cookies every time someone would tell her the time correctly. The little bit had learned to read the clock ages ago so she'd gotten the lion's share of chocolate goodness.

So it was expected that she was too full to eat any of my carefully prepared lunch. I lied and said that it was fine. I couldn't help but feel a little rejected.

She opened her bag and took out the construction paper art she had created. I gave her my compliments for she was quite an accomplished artist with a gift for the abstract. Mini-Picasso then proceeded to let me learn all her mates' names and their pets. She mentioned that most had dogs while she did not.

Sly bit. She was never going to let it go.

One thing had bothered her thought. When her mates had introduced themselves to the teacher and class they talked about their moms, dads and siblings. When her turn came she'd been honest and revealed that she lived with Spike.

The kids had been curious about Spike. Tim Sears asked if I was like the dog from the Rugrats show. The redheaded Mary-Nell Adams inquired if I was her uncle or maybe an older brother. Summer did not know how to respond.

I sighed loudly at my oversight. The trappings of a normal life would bewilder my little girl. Her sole caregiver was a man who drank blood and avoided sunlight at all costs. She had come to see this as a normal occurrence. The other children with their sometimes-intact families, siblings, pets and sunny homes were as alien to her as she to them. How could I make it better?

"Well pet, you…we are special" I began

"Special? Why?" she asked

"Because our family is made up of just you and me. You don't have a mom or a dad but you have me and I take care of you just like they would"
"Where is my mom and dad?" she asked innocently.

Here we go. "You had a mom and dad but they couldn't take care of you anymore so they gave you to me because I was lonely and they felt sorry"

"My mom and dad are dead?" her voice was very soft.

I didn't say anything for a moment. I knew that this time would come but I had not prepared to deal with it. I decided that honesty would be best.

"Yes" I said quietly.

She turned away from me and I feared that some part of her would sense what I was holding back. Namely my kind's involvement in her parents death. I was certain that Dru had offed the mother but as for the father I really did not know or wanted to know. And how could I even begin to explain that to a five-year-old?

Somehow my young Slayer absorbed what I had told her. She dealt with it in her own way.

"But you are here instead" she concluded.

I nodded yes. "I am not your father or your uncle or your brother. We are not related but its just like we were. I promise to take care of you so that you will never lack for anything. I promise to make sure you grow up happy and healthy and when you are feeling badly I promise to feel bad too"

Something was happening to me. I was changing as I said the words and made all unbreakable promises to Summer and myself.

"But most of all I promise to let you become who you are meant to be even if it kills me"

And there it was. Isn't it ironic?

The bit's eyes bore into my own and I knew she was committing my promises to memory.

"Spike… I love you"

"I love you too nibblet and I will always love you even if you stop"
"I wont ever" she declared.

"Okay… luv. I believe you" My eyes were moist and I had to blink to see clearly. "And if your mates ever ask again tell them that I am very privileged to be your guardian"

The bit brightened at that. She gave me her sweetest smile and her warmest hug. I responded in kind.

TBC. Okay this did not turn as light as I had intended but I promise to try in the next chapter. Spike goes to his first Parent/ Teacher meeting.