Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop

My Little Secret

Funny that on this day, there's sunlight. I often visited this site, and it was always raining. No matter what day it was, it was always raining. It seemed that the sky was also crying with me whenever I visited this place.

That made me think of how Spike found me one day, in this very same place, almost dead. He saved me, and I thank him with all my heart because thanks to him, I have found the reason to live.

Standing in front of his grave, I let tears fall freely because I know that he won't ever come back. I know that he will never return to me, to us. I know that he died for the woman he loved and that somewhere, no matter where he is, he is happy.

This is what rips me apart inside. I now carry a guilty conscience because of what I never told him. I never got to tell him, I never had the courage to tell him…..

Since Spike's death, I have changed dramatically. No more cleavage, no more gambling, no more bounty hunting. It just wouldn't be the same without Spike. I do (occasionally) visit Jet and see how he's doing. From what I last heard from him he was doing just fine.

Although his death made an impact on all of our lives, there is this small part in me that is happy. Happy for him, and there's another part that's envious of what he has and where he is right now. He gets to spend eternity with the woman he loves, while I live on earth without the man I love.

Slowly, I wipe the tears away from my face so I can see clearly. I am not ashamed of the tears I let fall, unlike before that I had to keep my feelings away from everyone, especially Spike.

"Spike, there's something I never told you..…" I slowly whispered. It's hard for me to say, even though he isn't here anymore. "Well…..you see..…"

I take in a breath and slowly choose my words wisely until a sound breaks my concentration.

I heard something fall on the floor, and to my surprise it was only my daughter's pacifier on the floor.

I let out a sigh of relief, I often think that Spike is just going to surprise me out of no where, but I know deep inside me, that that wasn't going to happen ever again.

I pick up her pacifier and decide to carry her in my arms. She is so small and tiny; and yet, she is my reason to keep living. I kneel down on the floor infront of the grave and decide that this is the best time to tell him.

"Spike, I'd like for you to meet your daughter, our daughter, Ariola" I say with a smile. "She's only 6 months old and she looks exactly like you"

I could never lie to Spike, and it was true. Ariola does look like her father, the same dark green hair with the same brown eyes. Damn male genes always have to be so dominant…..

Somehow I know that Spike heard me, and I know he is proud of having a daughter. Deep in my heart, I know that he will take care of her, no matter where he is. This is why Spike left me with the will to keep living, for the sake of our daughter.

Our daughter will know who her father was, and what he did, and she will be proud of the name 'Spiegel'.