Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer is a product of Mutant Enemy. I am in no way affiliated with it, the show, or any of the characters.

Spike convulsed when he woke up, all of his muscles tense. He was lying on his coffin with a book in his hand. He must have fallen asleep. It must have all been a bad dream. Except for a feeling he had. It felt like he knew all of this in the back of his mind, like everything was familiar and it had already happened. Deja vu. Damn creepy stuff, it is.

The crypt door slammed. Then he saw her and the words tumbled out naturally, almost like he couldn't control it.

"Buffy. Hey now," Spike hopped off the crypt. "If I'd-a known you were coming, I'd-a baked a cake."

His love walked toward him. The deja vu was getting stronger. "I need information."

"Well, suppose I could be helpful. If the price is right. I'm not sure I'm selling out at Double Meat Palace wages, though." Then he remembered. He lived this before. It was like he went back in time. This was the Hellmouth. The idea of traveling to the past was entirely possible here. This wasn't just going back a couple hours. It was a second chance.

"I need to find a guy. Dealer. Calls himself the 'Doctor'."

"Yeah, yeah."

"You've heard of him?"

"Something like that."

"What do you know?"

"I know that I'm holding some demon eggs."

"What?"

"No, wait. I'm not any Doctor. I was holding them here for someone...who knows someone who knows the Doctor. But that's all."

"Who?"

"Someone I play poker with. I lost a hand. Fresh out of kittens. I didn't know what to bet. He said if he won I had to let him use my place for something," Spike explained. He stared at her, wondering if she believed him. "Are you mad?"

"No."

Buffy turned around and started to leave. "Where are you going?"

"To tell Riley you have the eggs."

"I didn't do anything wrong."

"But he needs to know. Those eggs are gonna hatch and we have to stop it."

She pulled out a walkie-talkie from her belt and described the situation into it. When she faced Spike again, she repeated what Riley told her.

"We have to destroy them."

"I can't believe this. You're still going to blow up my basement."

"You heard what Riley said?"

"Um. Vampire hearing. And the like. You know."

"Oh. Yeah. Right. Sometimes I forg-you know, we have to get busy. We have to destroy the eggs." She pulled a grenade from her belt. "I'm sorry that we have to do this...well. No, I guess I'm not. When you harbor demon eggs, you suffer the consequences. Let this be a lesson to you."

"Don't let Slayers know you're holding eggs," he mumbled.

"Why aren't you surprised Riley's here?"

"I just don't care."

Her expression turned into one of alarm. "Get out."

"Hey. This is my crypt and I'll damn well stay here if I feel like it."

Buffy ran over to the hole leading to the basement and kicked down a baby Suvolte demon. "They're hatching. Get out."

'A bit earlier than I remember,' he thought to himself. "What about you?"

He watched as she pulled the pin out of a grenade and dropped it in then ran towards the exit. Spike stood there watching her, not moving. She tackled him when she got to him, trying to cover his bigger body with her much smaller one. The grenade went off and the basement exploded.

~*~*~

Shit. I come from the future to change things around and my basement still gets blown up. My crypt is ruined. Bed, gone. Records, gone. Respect from anyone, shot to hell, not that it wasn't before but more so now since I shag the Slayer and I can't even hold demon eggs. I'm supposed to be happy in my undead life, right?

I hear a familiar groan from above me and turn my head to see where it came from. At least now there are no lies and she's on top of me, protecting me, not some poof soldier who broke her heart. Hey, how about that. Protecting me. Maybe.

"You ok there, pet?"

"Just a little shaken up. You?"

"You care?"

"Slayer instinct. And the like. You know."

"Yeah." Her face is charred a little bit. I imagine mine is too. She groans again and rolls off of me. "Explosions really take it out of you."

"Not just the grenade induced kind, either." She turns her head so she's not looking at me but I think I can even hear her smile. It feels good to be with her again. Good to be around her, good to have her smile, good to touch her. I'm happy. "I love you."

She looks over at me again, not smiling this time. Oops. "Do you?"

I nod after silent seconds when I was unable to find my voice.

We're both quiet for a long time, not looking at each other, not touching. Happiness doesn't last very long, does it? I jinxed myself. I know it. It felt like hours had passed before she said something again.

"Show me how much."

~*~*~

He turned to her slowly and looked at her in disbelief.

"What?"

Buffy sat up but still didn't face him. "I want you to show me how much. Tell me." He sat up as well. Next to her now, he pushed the veil of hair covering her face behind her ear. Spike kissed her neck softly and whispered next to her ear.

"I love you, Buffy. Too much."

"How much?" She turned to him and held his cold face in her warm hands.

"I've been here before," he said softly. "I'll tell you how much. I love you so much that it kills me whenever you touch me because I know that soon, you won't be touching me. You won't look at me, you won't talk to me. You'll go and I'll sit here in the dark waiting for you to come back." He searched her eyes for some sort of reassurance, something to tell him that he was wrong. "You will come back, won't you?"

She sat listening to without saying any words, so he continued. "I ache for you. You're all I ever think about. I know you'll ignore me and you'll never tell your friends, but you asked me, pet, how much I loved you. You make me care about things I've never cared about before. Now I want you to be safe, and Nibblet to be safe, and all your friends. Even the Whelp. I want to be better when I'm around you. I found love in an enemy. I found beauty in everything I hate. I'm dead, but I've never felt so alive around you. You make my heart beat. You make me feel. When I'm with you, I feel everything. I feel like all the nerves in my body are on fire with need. For you. I burn for you. I burn for you a fire that will never go out. I love you."

Her lips found their way to his, but not for long. Spike pulled away from her. "I'll tell you how much I love you, Slayer. Enough to make myself stop."

"What?"

"I know what you want. You want me to make all the bad feelings go away for a while. When it's all done, you'll tell me you're using me."

She looked away. All of a sudden the room felt too small, like it was shrinking around her. "Can I change it? Can I change the way you feel about me, Buffy? Can I make you love me back?"

"I have to go home."

"Of course you do. It gets too hard for you to handle, and you run away."

"I'm not a coward."

"You are when it comes to love."

"I don't love you."

He smiled in that smug, sexy way that he did and it almost felt like he was...loveable. Sometimes when she was around him, she felt like maybe she did love him. He was good looking. Really, really good looking. He was smart and strong and understood her. He loved her. But then reality would smack her and she would realize that the arms that held her most nights were cold. "Kick me when I'm down, please."

"I would've thought that you were used to it by now."

"Who gets used to being hated?"

She got to the door, then looked over at him. "Spike..."

"Is this it? Is this when you're going to tell me? Don't bother. It's been playing in my head all night. You can just shimmy on out that door. No wait. Don't shimmy. I like when you shimmy. Just...march out in a really unsexy way."

"Spike."

"I knew this would happen too. I knew that even if I did get a second chance, fate would screw me over, pull a Groundhog's Day and before you know it, I'm reliving this night for the rest of my life. I should have known that I don't deserve the prize. I'll lose no matter what, you know. That's why they call my kind the damned."

"Just shut up, okay?"

"To give you time to say you're using me and it's killing you? Don't think so. Go now. Be on your merry way." He walked to the door and opened it.

"You were honest with me tonight, Spike. It meant a lot to me and I appreciate it."

"And I appreciate your appreciation. But we both know that appreciation won't get us anywhere. We're doomed. You'll end it. You'll always end it. I don't have the strength to. Maybe one day you might tell someone?" There was a lilt of hope in his sentence. It was quickly replaced by false bravado. "What's the point, hmm? Who needs to know? Why does it matter? Or you know what else? Why does it matter that you fuck a vampire? Why do they care? It's your life. It's not like I go around killin' and eatin' babies or women and such. Can't kill at all." False bravado indeed.

He chose to stare at a wall instead of her, deciding that less thoughts were involved when you just looked dirt and rocks and all of that sort.

"Someone does know."

He continued to stare at the wall. "I'll bet." A moment passed before his curiosity was peaked. "Who?"

"Tara. I told her. She didn't find out at my party, it was before that."

"Of course. With the...cramp. She knew all along. So much for shy-Wicca. She played me good."

They both looked down at the floor, when all of sudden Spike realized something. "So wait. You told somebody? About us?"

"Sorta. Maybe. Yes." She glanced up at him. He was grinning. It was insanely annoying. Not at all adorable. Ok. Maybe a little bit adorable. "What?"

"You love me. I knew it. Why else would you tell anybody about it?"

"Oh please. Let's not over inflate our egos."

In a quick flash she was lying on the ground with him on top of her.

"I know you love me. You love me, you love me, you love me."

"You love yourself." Buffy tried to get up, but didn't use her full strength.

"I'll let you go. Once you say it." He was still smiling, the doofus. It made her smile too. It was disgustingly sweet.

"I...like you. But I don't love you."

"You're lying. I can see it in your eyes, Slayer. You told Tara about us. You need me. You love me. You just gotta say it."

"I like being around you. Sometimes."

"Shh. Cut to the chase." She just smiled up at him. "Buffy! What do I have to do to make you tell me you love me?"

"How about make me love you?"

"You little bint. It's just three words. Why can't you say it?"

"I loathe you."

"Close, but no cigar." She giggled beneath him. He was happy again. His Slayer loved him, even if she wouldn't say it. He knew she did. There was a new feeling in the way she touched him. Her smile was more genuine. Her eyes sparkled when she looked at him. Her telling Tara was a reassurance to his doubts. She loved him. All was right with his world. He silenced her by kissing her, softly and deeply. A very familiar kiss in a new way. Exciting.

"I have a secret," she whispered into his ear. One of her hands was playing with his hair, and the other was stroking his back. His head rested in the crook of her neck. "I've been sleeping with a vampire. He thinks I love him."

"Do you?"

"Promise you won't tell?"

"I'm a Big Bad, love. I don't make promises."

"You better not tell him."

"A promise this once. For the woman I love."

"Nope. I don't. Not one bit."

He rested for a little while on her neck then turned to look at her. "Liar. Say what you will. I know the truth." He kissed her again, and she kissed him back. Soon it was more than kissing. They fell into familiar patterns. He undressed her, then himself, and it became more than kissing and more than foreplay. It was even more than sex. This time, it was an act of love. It wasn't just passion and reckless abandon. It was emotion-pure, simple emotion-that brought them there. He loved her and she loved him in that nonverbal sensual way. That night above the ruins of his crypt, Spike and Buffy made love. That night, entangled together in each other's arms, she whispered those three words he longed to hear. Yes, all was right with his world.