***
Happy Birthday to Me! (January 26th, 2002)
(sorry about that shameless 'plug' there *cough*)
A/N: I'm terribly sorry about this chapter. It has lots more of Legolas' emotional rubbish. I tried really hard to get in some action, but the fellowship all ended up in Lothlorien, and unless I had some Haldir-sparring or something, it would be pretty AU to add in violence…But SOON! I promise!!!
Thanks for all your amazingly spectacular overwhelming reviews. As thanks, I'll have Legolas take off his shirt. I just realised something-poor Orli has like the AXE EFFECT on women without actually wearing any Axe. La de la.
On another note-have any of you seen any pictures of the bloke who plays Haldir-namely Craig Parker? He's 33, and I think he's actually quite sexy. No offense meant to Haldir fans, I didn't think he was all that spectacular looking in the movie, and I'm convinced he writes in a Journal about how much he wants Legolas etc., but he's rather nice IRL. Just thought you might like to know LOL
***
The concept of death was not completely alien to the innocent elf; yet there was something on the fact that Gandalf no longer dwelt among the now grieving fellowship that caused an uncanny uncertainty to close over the elf.
The feeling of escape the dungeons of Moria was instantaneous relief. The air felt less burdensome on Legolas' shoulders, and the sky above was broken open with organic life. Each distant blade of grass in the 'Lorien glades and each rearing tree whispered their respected din. Of course, Legolas felt immediate relief, finally allowing himself to breathe and live and feel.
But there was something beyond relief that clearly wrote itself over the stolid elf's expression-there was absolute terror and confusion, something that he wished could be grief but never would be. He couldn't grieve, not for the others, because to him it seemed that Gandalf was only missing, his fall was only a momentary setback. What was death?
For centuries after Legolas' mother had passed, the then-lad had wandered aimlessly through the paths of Mirkwood and vacantly sob out for his disappeared mother. Where had she gone? Thranduil insisted through now-clouded eyes that she was gone, stop looking, she won't return. But how couldn't she? Legolas knew that his mother loved him, despite all, and she wouldn't just abandon her son. She would come back.
But where was she?
***
The night in Lothlorien was not spent languidly lounging amidst the tangled roots akin to the forest, as Aragorn had hoped they would be. Instead, the breaking fellowship huddled together for warmth and comfort, lying on hand-sewn pillows over the strewn leaves. By mid-night, only Aragorn and Legolas stayed awake.
Aragorn stared somberly towards the upright back of his friend. How did Legolas not crumple like Aragorn and the rest? How did he not mourn? Ridgidly, the elf turned from where he had been standing-carefully poised to climb one of the massive trees-and faced his friend.
Legolas leaned his head to the side, his expression mostly stoic, aside from his eyes. Those eyes, Aragorn thought to himself in alarm. Something far deeper than the mourning that Aragorn knew blossomed from the very depths of this elf and brimmed out through the eyes. It was as if every emotion that the elf had ever experienced had been buried somewhere deep inside, and the uncertainty and sheer horror of Gandalf's absence had delved them from the Elf. And now, each one, each emotion of each day and week and month and year and millennia that had rarely come to the surface shone brilliantly through the elf's watery eyes.
Legolas spoke in a voice hoarse despite himself, quickly closing his eyes and averting his gaze from his stunned friend. "Hiro hon hidh ab 'wanath," [May he find peace after death] murmured the elf gently, laying his slender palm over his tunic where his heart lay. Slowly, respectfully, he lay his hand palm up as he swept it excruciatingly slowly outwards.
Aragorn allowed his eyes, still widened from the shock of the absolute horror, anguish in Legolas' eyes, to crease, his gaze falling to the ground. "Andeli I ven, Legolas," [This road is too dangerous, Legolas.] Aragorn breathed, ghosting his fingertips underneath his own eyes, before letting his hand drop over his whiskered chin.
"Where is he, Aragorn?" Legolas hissed urgently, eyes still on the ground, the edge in his voice like the sting of a knife. Legolas stared at Aragorn, bewildered, unable to allow himself to cry-"Where is Gandalf?" Though he knew the words sounded more than infantine, amateurish, especially for a warrior, Legolas cared not.
Aragorn shook his head slowly, laying a calloused hand on Legolas' flawless cheek. Gently, he slid a thumb underneath Legolas' chin, coaxed the elf's face into line with Aragorn's. Legolas tried to lean away from the friendly touch, his eyes wavering with tears. "I don't know the answer to that, mellon," Aragorn replied gently, speaking as if to a young child.
Legolas tore away from his friend, turning swiftly. Again, the elf hunched his shoulders forward, clasping his smooth palms over his face. "A Elbereth," Legolas breathed into his palms, resting his brow against the chaffing "Gaul, Gaul lothron amin?" [How, how could I?] he whispered violently to himself.
"You did nothing, mellon," Aragorn snapped immediately. "It was not your fault, nor mine-or the fault of any one in this fellowship that Gandalf fell," Aragorn snapped. Legolas shook his head, raising it an inch before hitting it again on the tree.
"I failed him," Legolas whispered too silently for Aragorn to catch.
Where was Gandalf?
***
Legolas lay, in a surprisingly rounded crescent in the joint of a knobby branch and the trunk of the mammoth tree. His cheek rested against the rough bark, eyes dropped shut. Translucent tears caught in the tangles of lashes, but didn't from their suspension there. Slowly, Legolas curled an arm over his head, gently stroking along the tangled patterns woven into the tree's trunk.
Aragorn had seen Legolas like that when the fellowship had stirred first thing in the morning, used to rising with the sun. Now, midday, Legolas still huddled in the tree, unmoving aside the occasional melodiously bitter whisper in elvish, and the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest as he breathed.
"Crazy elf," Gimli groaned to himself, drawing himself beside Aragorn. Delicately, Gimli rested his hands on his axe, propping himself into a squared uprightness. "He has to eat, at least-I haven't seen him touch our food since Moria," said the dwarf pointedly. "I can see each of his ribs, the lad needs food."
Aragorn shook his head grimly, looking down his shoulder at the dwarf. The robust Dwarf had tilted his head back, staring in what was almost concern towards the elf. "Elf! Come down from there!" the dwarf called gruffly upwards. Legolas, surprisingly, was stirred from his stupor, dazedly turning his gaze towards Gimli.
Gently, Legolas drifted his fingertips over his eyelashes, ridding them of the unseen tears. "Yes," he murmured to himself, forgetting the dwarf's less keen hearing. Slowly, the elf swung round so his legs dangled precariously stories above the dwarf and elf. Without hesitation, the elf sprang downwards, catching himself on a lower branch, and quickly scaled the rest of the distance.
***
It was the middle of the next night, bathing in one of the many mystical Lothlorien pools, that Legolas came to a conclusion about Gandalf. He had been basking in the waters for hours, immune to the said-to-be wintry water, and instead basking in the feel of something aside from his tunic rubbing over his bare skin. When last had he had time to relax and bathe?
The trees all round had whispered their own solaces to the Greenleaf, and without warning it dawned. Gandalf, he knew, was dead, was absent, but aside from that there was no certainty. Until a sudden moment of horrible clarity.
He was not coming back.
Legolas smiled mirthlessly to himself, dragging his nails along the curve of his chest without thinking about it, not realising the nailbites that now adorned his flawless figure. It was nothing to be proud of, certainly, for the hobbits had deduced this conclusion what seemed like years before. But Legolas got it, now. Death wasn't a location, or a time, it was an unbreakable prison.
And Gandalf was not coming back.
***
A/N: Oh, bloody friggin' hell. I'm incredibly sorry for that rubbish chapter, and I hope you all still keep on reading all despite. I know that you all must be incredibly tired of Legolas bitching and moaning in his brain and you getting to learn ALL ABOUT IT. I promise to make this story more interesting…I really really really do…Thank you all for standing by me while I wrote this, though. You guys keep me alive =^^=
In response to your reviews;
Evil Spapple Pie: Tell the truth, I've only a very vague idea of where this story is leading. I've two different ideas, which I'm going to ask everybody to vote on next chapter…I'm not sure what an ice weasel is LOL it's something from a Matt Groening quote I read.
Leeloo: Thank you so much for your review! And your English isn't that bad LOL, I still (obviously) understood it! I guess I continued…I hope you enjoyed!
Mouse: Blah…I thought I had Legolas incredibly OOC, probably just because I see him as this Mary-Sue creature (drool) Australian dollars, sounds good! I don't have any of those…Just a note to everybody out there who wants to send me bribes, I accept both Orlando Blooms-well, especially-and every kind of money =^^= LOL
Anduin: Blah…I thought it was horrible, I guess I'll rewrite when I'm over. Glad you've read worse though, LOL I have something to aspire for =^^=
Kat Heiman: LOL Glad it's not lead itself…Erm, I mean I haven't lead it too far astray. And glad you enjoy! Thanks so much for your review, enjoy chapter five when it comes along!
Tithen Min: No, seriously, I didn't have that mmmmmmmmmmmmuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccccccccchhhhhhhhhhhhh *vibrates* LOL Sorry about the Priscilla thing, I bet it was horrible to watch Elrond blab about fiery chasms whence things came when you were picturing him in a green frock or what not. I'm glad the last chapter wasn't horrible in your eyes LOL. YAY! EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!!1
Bobo: LOL CONGRADULATION on your math homework. And thanks for your review…I'll email you after I put this chapter up, I think…if I can find the time LOL
Legolas' Lover (no way-Orli's mine): Aaah! No!!! Well…At least I have Legolas, even though Orli is equally high on the orgasmic-drooling-conniptions scale LOL Glad you're too lazy to send me hate letters, because I really don't like them as much as I implied. My foot is twitching right now…is that normal?
Celestra: LOL Actually the hamster business was kind of funny, because she ate nachos out of the microwave right after (she didn't know what had occurred) and thought they tasted queer…Hammy flavoured chips, lovely. IT BLINKS! *CLINGS* Still haven't fixed my scanner :'(
Kasandra: Oh dear, that bad? *looks around worriedly*
ATTENTION: ATTENTION: ATTENTION: *cough* Ok, would it be absolutely sacrilegious to set one of the later chapters to a song? Like songfic chapter? I adore them, but am scared of writing them incase they are too distracting or whatever.