Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer is a product of Mutant Enemy. I am in no way affiliated with it, the show, or any of the characters.
Spike came home to find Buffy sitting in the spot he sat in on the coffin. She was reading his book and didn't even look up when he closed the door.
"Is it still raining? It was raining after I changed and came here," she said. She was wearing new clothes. And she was very dry. Unlike him.
"No. Not even a drizzle."
She still didn't look up from the book.
"It's late."
"It is," he replied softly. His voice was soft, barely above a whisper.
"Almost sunrise." She finally looked up at him. "Where were you? See, because I've been here for about three hours. I was here, and you weren't."
"Now you know what it's like to wait." Buffy was staring at him intensely, he could feel it. He couldn't look at her though. He felt...guilty. Killing was his nature but right now he felt scared and confused. Guilty. So guilty. He didn't have a soul, he shouldn't feel this way.
"Are you still mad at me?" He shook his head. "Then look at me." He did. At her eyebrows. Simple trick. It made it look like he was looking at her in the eye, but he wasn't. "I need to talk to you."
"I wouldn't know what to say," he whispered. What was wrong with him? He was tough. So he killed someone. Big deal. He used to do it all the time and it was never a problem. Right now, he was acting shy and quiet. Like William. God. Get a grip on yourself, you poof. You're brave. At least talk louder. It's really embarrassing.
"So just listen." She stood up and stepped closer to him. He felt Buffy's small hands on his waist. Then she started staring again. He wished she would soon stop, but no go. "I've been thinking. A lot."
He cleared his throat. "About?"
"Us, mostly. I love you. You know that." He nodded slightly and then looked down at her hands. Her body was close. They were touching. At any other time, he would've already been kissing her and trying to touch more, get even closer. Spike really did feel torn up inside and he didn't know what to do about it.
"I don't want to lose you. That's the conclusion the hours of thinking brought me to. In a way I kinda already knew that and I wasted a lot of time. But now I'm willing to admit it. I don't want to lose you, Spike."
"You said that already." He was whispering again.
"Yeah, I guess I did. I want to tell my friends about us," she announced. Spike looked up at her with shock written all over his face. "If I can't imagine life without you, my friends really should know. And you don't deserve to be kept a secret. I've treated you badly these past few months...no, longer than that. Ever since I've known you, I've treated you badly. It's about time I started trying to make us work. I'm going to. I promise you I'll try."
He inhaled deeply even though he didn't need to. "How?"
Buffy laughed lightly and held Spike's face in her hands. "How what?"
"How can you love me so much?"
"I don't know. I didn't want to and I tried not to for such a long time, but you just roped me in. Maybe you're right. I like a little monster in my man."
Panic filled his gut. She thought he was a monster? Was he being obvious about what happened earlier? Did she know? He didn't mean to do it, he didn't. He didn't even understand how he could do it. He had his chip and it was still working...wasn't it?
"I'm sorry, love. I am."
"You didn't do anything. You have nothing to be sorry about." She caressed his cheek softly. "What's wrong? You seem...sad."
"I'm not. I'm happy." He looked her in the eyes and forced a smile. He almost saw reassurance wash over her. "Thank you. For loving me, for making me happy." Buffy kissed him softly. At first he was unresponsive, but when she wrapped her arms around his neck to draw him closer, he kissed her back. He didn't want to worry her and he knew he would if he was quiet and not his usual self. She pulled away and rested her forehead on his.
"I love you. I want you to know that I'll always love you so much," she said softly.
He took his silver ring off his finger and put it in her palm. "I don't know if you'll want this, Slayer. It's not really...and it's plain..." It was. It had a wide band with a square flat black onyx stone. Black and silver. It was very Spike. He didn't know if she'd want it though. It was far too big for all of her small fingers.
"No, I love it. But why?"
"Promise ring. No matter what, Buffy, I promise I'll love you. Forever."
"Forever," she whispered.
They kissed for what felt like a long time until she said she had to leave but she'd be back late tonight. Very late.
~*~*~
"How did it go last night, Agent?" the man asked. Agent Anderson's wrist was bandaged up.
"Take a look for yourself, Finn." He unravelled the bandage around his wrist revealing a large deep cut. "I'm never doing this again. You do your own dirty work, even if you are my boss. This wasn't in the job description, and neither was last night's assignment."
Riley smiled. "If I remember correctly, Anderson, you took on last night's job on your own free will. There was a hefty bonus in it for you, and you decided to do it anyway, despite all risks. Calling me 'sir' was in the job description and if you ever treat me with such disrespect again, you are gone. In the Initiative, we do not just fire people."
"I know." Riley gave him a stern look. "Sir."
They were the only people in the underground lab that they always met in. Things were going well. Buffy knew about the Initiative, she was working for them, Spike's chip was disabled, and now he was supposed to think that he killed someone. Riley could keep an eye on Buffy almost every night since they worked together and he had special agents working on the plan with Spike.
"Commander Finn, sir, I have new information for you. First of all, it seems that there is no brain damage done to Spike. Second, while we were watching the vampire last night at around 10:00, he was outside of his nest with a bag-which broke, if you cared to know-carrying cigarettes and blood, and it appears that he was watching you and the Slayer with the Larox demon."
The man smiled. "Was he? So he saw us together? I guess Buffy has explaining to do."
Agent Anderson went on. "He left at 10:11, but he was walking and then he just stopped and stood until 10:24, continued on home. After you and Agent Summers finished up and you came back here, she walked directly to his crypt, which was at about 10:49.
"What we got from the pictures shows them talking, but we don't know what they're saying. We are working on getting a sound device in there, so we can hear at all times. Anyway, she walks out at about 11:06, and he follows her. She runs away, he chases after her, and we lost them. We have no pictures of this because it was raining hard and they were in an unknown location. Also, we don't know what they were doing.
"She comes back alone at about 11:40, and appears to walk around the cemetery. The next time she came back, she wasn't wearing the uniform anymore. She was wearing civilian clothing, and she was much dryer. It's not raining as hard anymore, but she has an umbrella. This is around 2:13. She goes in, he's not there, but she stays inside.
"Meanwhile, we get the tipoff of Spike being at the Bronze, and you know the rest of what happened there," he said bitterly. "He comes back to his crypt at 5:29, they talk some more and," he cleared his throat, "Kissed until she left."
"When did she leave?"
"At 6:33, sir. But they were talking also, not kissing the whole time."
"Don't talk to me like that, Anderson. I'm not jealous. I love my wife. We're doing this to get rid of evidence, not for vengeance."
"I know, sir." Agent Anderson placed an envelope full of pictures onto the table while Riley put an envelope full of money next to it. Simultaneously each grabbed the envelope meant for them, and the agent departed quietly.
What, not even a thank you?
~*~*~
He was sitting in the corner now. Deep in the corner, away from light, from the world. He kept his now half-empty carton of cigarettes close to him. That made it hard to stop smoking, but he couldn't help it. He felt like he couldn't stop. His knees were pulled up to his chest in an attempt to make himself smaller. He just wanted to disappear.
He couldn't sleep. He was feeling far too nervous and tense. Every time he would lie down, all the muscles in his body would get tight and jerk him upright again. It wasn't like he was even tired though. He just needed to sleep so he could run away from the way he felt and what was happening around him.
Spike was dead. That's a confirmed and definite fact. Spike was without a soul. No doubt about it. So by all means, he should be happy. He killed someone. Hurrah. William the Bloody's back. No guilt, no nervousness, no panic, no stress. At least that was the way he tried to look at the situation. No stress, huh? The pile of smoked cigarettes next to him said otherwise.
He killed that girl. He tried to deny it, but he knew he did. He tasted the blood in his mouth. The girl had two puncture wounds on her neck. He hit that woman the other day without any pain so the theory of chip malfunction was completely possible. Spike couldn't stop thinking about it. Guilt manifested itself into a tight knot in the pit of his stomach, and he was sure it was never going away.
He smoked one cigarette after another. At certain points, he'd want a cigarette while he was still smoking one and it disgusted him. He disgusted himself.
Maybe he could go to Red for a spell to...turn back time or something. Everything would be okay then. Maybe then he could fix his troubles with Buffy...no things were fine with Buffy right now sort of. Oh, yeah, Red gave up spells. Balls.
He could drink. That would make the feeling go away. It had in the past. He thought about it considerably, but then decided against it. What if he got too drunk and wandered outside and killed somebody or something rash like that? No. No, he wasn't going to drink. Besides, he deserved to go with his pain if he killed somebody.
Pain? He had pain? How could that be? He didn't have a soul. That was established before. So why did he feel this way? Maybe he did have a soul. Maybe it wasn't a genuine soul like Angel's, but it was there. It wasn't whole, or even his own, but it was there. Unbeknownst to him, Buffy had given him a piece of her soul when she started caring so much about him.
~*~*~
Buffy rested her head in her hand to hide her smile. She was in the Initiative van with Riley. Her shift was over and they were driving back to headquarters with two vampires unconscious and ready to be tagged.
He looked over at her and started smiling himself. "What are you so smiley about?"
That made her smile more. She couldn't help it. She was happy. "I'm happy."
"About what? Raking in $3,000 in one night?"
"Well, yeah, I guess that too."
"Too? What else is making you grin like that?"
"Remember yesterday how I said Spike was being moody and mean and stuff?" He nodded. "We had a fight last night."
"Yes, and I'm really happy when I fight with Sam, too."
"No, I mean, we made up. We're all happy and mushy again. At least I think we are. Maybe it's too soon to tell. Anyway, he gave me this ring. A promise ring and he said he promises to love me forever." She lifted the chain around her neck that held his ring. "Not really my size, thus the necklace."
"I don't mean to be judgmental or anything, Buffy, but he is a vampire."
"I know. But he doesn't...he's kind of in between man and vampire, I think. It doesn't really matter to me. He's what I want."
"He is now."
"And he always will be," she said seriously.
~*~*~
He was asleep when Buffy arrived. She smiled at the sight of him, balled up in a corner with his head against the wall. She put the blankets she brought with her onto the stone tomb and walked over to him. She stroked his face lightly with her fingertips and his eyes opened.
"Hey, sleepyhead. You miss me?"
"You know I did," he said groggily. "What time is it?"
"Late. But I said I'd come back, and here I am." He smiled a little bit and kissed her softly. "I brought you a blanket and a pillow in case you said no."
"Said no to what?"
"Spike, okay, uh. It shouldn't really be hard to ask really, I think. Okay, see, I want you to be there when I tell my friends about us. Only my friends don't really stop by during these after midnight twilight hours. So, really the only time to tell them would be during the day, right? Well yeah, vampire. Can't travel in sunlight. I'm really just basically asking you if..."
"Buffy. Are you asking me to stay the night at your house?"
"Um, pretty much yes. But only, there's one thing about the staying the night part because I kinda was getting to ask you if you could stay, um, all nights. Every night. Spike, do you want to move in with me?"
He stared at her for a long time. There were slight pangs when they first began talking but she made him forget. She made him forget with her soft nervous voice, and her soothing caresses, and her unbelievable words.
Last night he asked her how she could love him so much. He still didn't know. He had his flaws, he knew that. He did things he wasn't proud of, namely events that occurred last night. He never thought that he was what Buffy wanted and now here she was, asking him to live with her. He was far less than perfect but she still came to him.
"I shouldn't," he told her after a while.
"You shouldn't? Why?"
"Your friends. You know they wouldn't understand. They'd need time to at least get used to it. Don't you think they have to adjust to the idea first?"
"Yeah, I do think they have to adjust but it's my life and my house and if I want you to come live with me and sleep in my bed with me, then there's another thing to adjust to. I'm in love with you. I know that they are my friends and they should respect my decisions. I'm asking you to move in with me and all I have to hear is yes or no. So what's it going to be?"
Author's Note: I so did not know what to call Riley...well I do, but I meant in the authoritative-"you're my boss" kinda way. And also, I can't really remember the layout of Spike's crypt so really my fanfic is a jumbled up mess of things I don't know about. Sorry. I hope you like it anyway. Thank you to those who have read and reviewed and to my beta, without whom my fanfic would be a jumbled up mess of things I don't know about and horrible spelling errors like chicken instead of kitchen-what? It's a thing, and perfectly plausible. It is...right? - and bad grammar and such. I is not learned good.