Title:
Let me die
by Wai & Aki
Warning: Shounen-ai content, OOC, RanKen pairing...possible death...we're not telling whether this IS or ISN'T a deathfic. You'd have to read to find out.
Teaser: A mission has gone terribly wrong and as one Weiss member lie wounded, he reflects on the life he has lead with his lover, through the good times and the bad. RanKen. Deathfic? Maybe...
Note: This used to be a songfic. But for the sake of keeping this story on FF (dot) net, the lyrics of the song has been removed. For the version WITH lyrics, please check wai's livejournal for more details.
Back to Present time
Disclaimer: We do not own Weiss or any of its affiliates.
----+----
There were only two things that he hated, storms and a mission gone wrong. Luck sure did come in handy tonight, he thought bitterly, even as his eyes drifted to close again. A hand reached out to shake his shoulder, jerking him awake. Panicked violet eyes looked down into his brown eyes.
"Stay awake." It was a line that was typical Ran, unfortunately, it lacked the usual coldness. It was a plea and yet a command in one, but it seems the plea was winning over the command. Pale hand reached out to grasp Ken's own. "Stay with me, damn it."
"Can't." He whispered, voice barely audible. The normally stoic redhead shook his head, it wasn't an option. There was no way he was going to let Ken go. He was afraid, even though that seemed to be impossible. He feared that when Ken closes his eyes, it would be the last time he would see those brown eyes looking back at him.
"Yes you can. Damn it, Ken, you have to!" He pulled his lover into his arms, making sure to apply pressure on the bullet wound on the brunet's stomach. They've been up on that roof for too long, far too long, Ran thought, staring at the blood tracks swept away by the rain. Youji and Omi nowhere in sight and with the building crawling with bodyguards, there was no way they could escape.
Ken stared at Ran's face, even as his lover looked around frantically for any sign of Omi or Youji. He knew he promised Ran that he would stay awake, but he couldn't help himself as his eyes glazed over and he found himself tumbling into sweet comatose, a faint memory playing in his dream.
----+----
He never did like him. Not their supreme leader, the cold and dismissive Fujimiya Aya. God, sometimes he wished someone could just shoot him during missions just so he could be rid of this misery. Ran was a fucking pain in the ass, that's what he was.
But tonight...Ken punched the bag viciously. Thank God for the punching bag, he might have found himself punching a hole through the wall of his apartment. He had honestly no idea what the fuck Aya's problem was. Whatever it is, he sure liked to take it all out on Ken.
Ken could admit, he was far from perfect. Hell, he's lost count at how many times he fucked up big time. But on that night, he didn't make one mistake. Notone. And for the thirty minutes he had of the end of the mission, as he rushed from the target's mansion back home, he actually thought that maybe Aya would be pleased at his work. For once.
As soon as he stepped into the flower shop, however, he was met by one fuming...no, furious Abyssinian. "What the fuck were you thinking?" Aya had demanded as he walked inside. Ken was stunned, to say the least. After all, he thought he did a good job. The target was eliminated and he had gone unscathed...well, sort of. He had his brush with death tonight, but that was all in the line of duty. He kept to his post like he was supposed to and followed every single order thrown his way.
"What are you talking about?" Ken asked in confusion, he searched Youji and Omi for an answer but the other two could only shrug. They hadn't a clue why Aya was furious either.
"That stunt you pulled in there, Ken!"
"What stunt?" Ken asked, though he saw that Aya didn't look too pleased with the question so he immediately added, "I honestly don't have a clue as to what you're talking about, Aya."
"You placed the life of a member of this team in danger, that's what you did!" Ken was taken back by this remark. But as the shock wore off, the anger of the insult sunk in.
"You honestly believe that I would place, Omi or Youji's life...hell, even your life, in danger? I don't fucking know what the hell you're talking about, Aya! Maybe I missed something, because I followed every single order you gave tonight!" He shouted. It was Aya's turn to be taken back by Ken's tirade. Ken has never shouted back before, he always accepted any reprimand with either a smile or a defeatist attitude. "You know what? Fuck you. I don't care anymore." Ken muttered, as he walked away.
That was how he found himself in his apartment, punching away at his punching bag. It had become a ritual, somehow, especially these days when Aya is constantly on his back. Ken didn't even know why. It's not as if he's trying to get on the redhead's nerve or anything. He wasn't Youji.
He faintly heard the knocking on his door. Sighing, he didn't even bother unwinding the tape he had around his knuckles. They were slightly sore by the force of his punches, but he didn't really care. He grabbed the shirt he had tossed on the floor before and shrugged it on. The knocking became louder and he cursed under his breath.
"I'm coming, I'm coming!" He shouted as he sprinted towards the door and yanked it open. "Sheesh, what's the hurry, you'd think there's a fire or-" He stopped upon seeing who was standing in front of him. "Oh. It's you." He muttered.
Vaguely he saw something flash within those violet orbs. He wasn't sure what it was or why. Aya was probably still pissed. He sighed and then motioned the redhead to enter.
"If you're here to discuss what happened before, then you're out of luck." Ken declared, as he sauntered past the redhead to plop down on his couch. Aya just stared at him, a blank expression on his face. As Ken grabbed a magazine to fan himself, he frowned at the redhead. "What?" He asked, suddenly realizing that he was a little breathless. He apparently didn't realize punching the...life...out of the punching bag could take out a lot of energy.
What Ken didn't realize was what an alluring picture he presented, seated on his couch with his shirt opened and sweat visible on his skin. Not to mention the way he was fanning himself...Lets not mention the fact that Ken had a great body, because he always kept himself in the best shape.
"Look, Aya-"
"I'm sorry." Blink, blink.
"Eh?" Ken stared at him incredulously before chuckling nervously. "You know, for a second there it sounded like you said, 'I'm sorry.'"
"I did."
"Come again?" Aya took a deep breath, obviously irritated that he had to repeat himself.
"I said, I'm sorry."
"Apology accepted." Ken said, grinning. "Wow. And just when I gave up all hope too." He said, standing up suddenly. "Nice to know that you're human like the rest of us, Aya." He walked over to his kitchen, rummaging around in his fridge, looking for something. He appeared moments later with two beer cans in his hands. He tossed one at Aya, who caught it with ease before blinking down at it.
"What-"
"Sit." Ken interrupted. "It's not polite to stand around, you know." Aya complied, just as Ken sat on the couch beside him. He was still staring at the can he was holding when Ken switched on the TV and took a sip of his own beer. The brunet caught a glimpse of the older male beside him and frowned.
"You don't drink?" Aya shook his head.
"It's not that." He said slowly, before looking at Ken. "Why did you give me this?" Ken shrugged.
"I thought you might be thirsty." He said simply, before turning his attention to the TV. Aya stared at him for a few moments, before he opened his own can and took a sip. Soon, they were both watching the television in a comfortable silence, not the awkward silence they used to have.
----+----
Aya woke up around one in the morning, blinking and looking around, trying to remember where he was. The can of beer he drank dry was on the table, he finished it around ten or so, he wasn't sure. But what surprised him the most was the sleeping figure next to him. Ken had passed out on the other side, leaning against the couch, snoring softly.
It was such an endearing picture that Aya had to smile, shaking his head. He frowned, however, seeing the brunet's shirt. He could catch a cold if Aya were to leave him like that. Debating silently in his mind, it wasn't until five minutes later that Aya got up and gathered Ken's form in his arms.
The brunet muttered something in his sleep, causing Aya to pause for a moment, fearing he would wake up. Surprisingly, however, instead of waking up he leaned against Aya's chest sighing in contentment. For a moment Aya could only stare at the peacefully sleeping face before he carried Ken into his bedroom and tucked him in.
As he stood over Ken's bed, he couldn't help himself as he brushed away brown bangs away from shut eyes. Ken didn't even move when pale hands touched his cheek or when a soft kiss was pressed against his forehead, a fleeting moment and yet...
"Goodnight, Ken." And the presence was gone. Ken whimpered softly, feeling his security walk out the door, but he was too deep in slumber to ask whatever night angel that was watching him to come back.
----+----
"Where is Ken?" Aya asked, when he noticed the absence of the brunet. It was a stormy day, therefore there weren't any customers coming in. The lack of their fan club caused Aya to be lax with the rules, but as he looked over his bookkeeping and tried to find out the cost of the new supply they had, he noted the lack of noise.
Youji and Omi were in one corner of the room, talking about something. Youji's latest conquest no doubt, by the way Omi was blushing and protesting while Youji continued to talk. The two looked up when he spoke up and then looked at each other.
"Yes, he must be home." Omi said, glancing outside. Youji nodded.
"Definitely. Cowering in a corner probably."
"Hn. Explain."
"Well..." Omi hesitated, but seeing that Aya's glare was no directed at him, he continued, "Ken-kun doesn't want you to know, but he hates storms."
"Why?"
"Lightning. Thunder. Who knows?" Youji replied simply, shrugging. "Speaking of storms, can't we just close today? No one's going to come with this weather."
"Fine." Aya said, walking out of the room and heading to Ken's place.
He knocked on the door a couple of times, waiting for an answer. He had been to Ken's apartment more than a couple of times now. He would go over to Ken's place after their missions nowadays, because of that night. He had been nervous, the second time around, because he wasn't sure how Ken would take his presence. He had a reason the night before, because he had to apologize. What would he say this time?
But Ken opened the door and greeted him with a grin. "Hey Aya. Come in, the show's about to start." He said simply, as if they've done this for years. But even as Aya stepped inside the apartment and sat to watch TV, a can of beer in his hand, he couldn't believe how...natural it felt to be around Ken.
Now, however, he wasn't sure about it at all. But hell, he was worried. That was reason enough...wasn't it? After realizing he wasn't going to get an answer from Ken, he tried to open the door, surprised that it was unlocked.
"Ken?" He stepped into the dark apartment. It took him moments to get used to the dark and he finally caught sight of a dark form on the couch. For someone who is afraid of storms, Ken wasn't exactly cowering away in a corner like what Youji had suggested earlier.
"Ken?" He tried again. The form on the couch moved.
"What is it, Aya?" A tired voice asked. Aya moved towards the couch, looking down at Ken's form, sprawled all over the couch.
"What are you doing?"
Silence.
"Omi told you, didn't he?" Aya nodded. Ken laughed quietly. "I knew he would."
"Why didn't you tell me?" A shrug. "Well...you don't seem like the type..." Ken laughed bitterly.
"I told Omi that I hated storms, Aya. I never said I was afraid of them." He pointed out. "I just hate working when the weather is this depressing, that's all."
"Still, why didn't you say anything?"
"Why should I?" Ken countered, the bitterness evident in his voice. "It's not as if we're friends, Aya." The redhead winced, those words stung. Although he knew that they both never really had any conversations while watching TV at Ken's place, he'd like to think--hell, what was he thinking? He wanted something more than a friendship from Ken.
"I know." He paused. "But I can help you."
"Why? Why is that Aya?" Brown eyes were just as stormy as the weather outside as Ken stood up to stare at Aya. "Why doyoucare?" He demanded.
"I just do." Ken sighed in frustration.
"I wish you can just make up your mind. One day you're pissed off at me and then you come and apologize and now, you suddenly care for me?" Violet eyes narrowed slightly and Aya sat down beside the brunet. "Why are you here?"
"Because someone had to be." Ken shook his head, laughing quietly. He placed his hand over his eyes, leaning his head back.
Why did Aya have to come? Why couldn't he just left him alone that night, that way, things would have been so much easier. Ken would still hate the redhead and regard him as an aloof ice statue rather than the ethereal vision beside him. No, he'd rather that he had never fallen in love with Fujimiya Aya.
Unknowingly to Ken, even as he fought with his emotions, the redhead beside him was struggling with his own inner battles. Moreover, the battle of whether or not he should kiss the irresistible lips of the lively assassin. Aya hadn't a clue exactly when he fell in love with Ken, but there was just something about Ken that was just simply...Ken. Kami...he can't even think anymore...
He had harbored these feelings for his fellow assassin for a while and it had been so long for him that Aya had grown frustrated and unknowingly began to snap at the other, instead of trying to win his affections. Of course, this drove Ken to dislike and even hate him to a certain degree, which did not help the matter at all.
It had been months...he was patient, but hell, no one is that patient. Ken uncovered his eyes only to find the other staring intently at him. The gaze unnerved him, because there were emotions in those violet eyes that he couldn't quite decipher. Although before Ken could ask what was wrong, he found to his complete surprise, lips pressed against his own.
It was a soft, chaste kiss. A test. As Aya moved slowly away, he tried to watch Ken's reactions. Brown eyes were wide with disbelief and mouth agape...Ken wasn't really a picture of assurance. However, he caught sight of hurt flashing within violet eyes. He quickly reached out to grab Aya by the shoulder so the older male would not turn and leave.
He searched Aya's face for a moment, before leaning forward and pressing his own lips against those of his love. It was a pleasant surprise in Aya's part, seeing how Ken reacted to his own direct approach. For a moment he thought he would have to jump off the roof of the shop because he had just managed to embarrass himself in front of Ken.
Fingers running through silken brown strands as a moan escaped bruised lips. At one point during the kiss, Aya had tugged Ken down on the couch so that the younger male was lying on top of him. When they finally broke for air, foreheads touching, seeing eye-to-eye, a look of wonder passed from one to the other.
"Aya,"
"Ran." Corrected the redhead, causing Ken to blink. "Call me Ran, Ken." Ken grinned, knowing full well that he probably was the only person who knew Aya--no, Ran's--real name.
"Ran." He murmured even as he pressed his lips to Aya's once more.
----+----
Violet eyes blinked open as sun streamed through the open window. He looked down at the arm wrapped around his waist and then at the form he held in his arms. A small smile graced his normally cold features, even as he carefully brushed away brown bangs.
Seeing them together like that, with limbs wrapped around each other, it was like a dream come true. He had honestly lost count at how many times he dreamed of times like this. He extracted one of the arm around his waist and brought the hand to his lips. It was so good to be by Ken's side.
Ken must have felt the touch, as brown eyes fluttered open, groggily taking in his surrounding. Brown eyes met violet and a sleepy smile appeared on the soccer player's face. "Morning, Ran." He murmured sleepily.
"Morning Ken." Aya replied, even as he kissed his lover softly on the lips.
"What time is it?"
"It's eight." Ken groaned, then buried himself deeper in Ran's arms.
"Wake me up when it's twelve." He muttered.
"I love you." Blink. Blink. Ken looked up at his lover and the surprised look on his face melted into a heart-warming smile.
"I love you too, Ran."
----+----
He fucked up. There really wasn't any way to say that, because he did. He didn't just 'make a mistake' or 'fouled up'. He had, truly, royally...fucked up. And that was a first. Ken had made mistakes before, definitely, but never in such a big proportion.
He hadn't realized he had turned the wrong corner until after he rounded the next corner and nearly walked straight into a welcoming army of bodyguards. He turned tail and ran, ducking as bullets fly through the air.
The target got away.
Ran was pissed, of course. He had ranted on and on about how Ken couldn't even remember the simplest of instructions and Ken had listened to every word without flinching. His other teammates, however, flinched at every single harsh word Ran had sent the brunette. It got so severe that at one point, Youji had to speak up.
"Hey, Aya, aren't you being a little harsh here?"
"Aya-kun, Ken-kun didn't realize it. It was an easy mistake."
"That's exactly it, it's an easy mistake. It was so easy, there shouldn't have been a mistake!" Growled the redhead. Brown eyes looked up from beneath brown bangs.
"I understand. I was wrong, but there's no way I can change that can I?" Ken said quietly. He shrugged his shoulders. "I wasn't born to do this, none of us are. I'm sorry that I have the worst timing to have a bad night, but that's just how it is."
"Ken-kun?"
"Are you done Ran?" Ken asked, looking at the redhead in the eyes. Aya could only nod dumbly as he stared at Ken's unexpressive face. Even in those brown eyes, he couldn't sense any emotions, when usually he can read it clearly. It unnerved him, to see them soulless, much like his own.
Aya could only watch, rooted to the ground, as Ken walked away and towards his own apartment. He was met instead by two angry glares. Youji was giving him a disgusted look, unusual as it is since it's always the other way around. Omi, on the other hand, was giving him a look of utter disapproval. For a moment there Aya forgot that Ken and Omi are rather close.
"You know, I've always thought you were a cold-hearted bastard, Aya," Drawled Youji, "Now I know for sure." He finished, unrelenting. Aya flinched slightly, knowing full well that Youji was telling the truth.
"He made a mistake Aya, he knows that, you know that, we ALL know that. Did you have to drag it out like this?" Hissed Omi, the chibi was clearly miffed and all that prevented him from rushing to Ken's door and knock was the hand Youji placed on his shoulder.
"..." The redhead merely stared at them, gulped and stared at the stairs again. He hesitated.
"If I were you, I'd be running, Fujimiya." Youji said casually. Aya nodded once, that was all he needed really, as he climbed the stairs two at a time, vaguely hearing Omi asking Youji,
"Are you sure about this?" It's good to know his teammates had faith in him. But that's a little hypocritical after what he put Ken through. He winced once more as he reached Ken's door and opened it, knowing too well it was unlocked.
He carefully peered inside, looking for any sign of his lover. Yes, he tended to forget that part of the picture too. He didn't just yell at a teammate back there, he had yelled at Ken, someone he's supposed to be in love with.
"Ken?" He sounded timid, he knew. But hell, he didn't care. He spotted Ken at the brunet's usual spot, the couch. This time however, he was lying on it, he was just sitting down. Ken had his elbows on his knees, leaning forward with his head down.
"Ken?" Aya tried again, but again Ken didn't answer. He carefully approached Ken's still form and sat down next to him, but the brunet didn't even move. For a moment, they stayed that way, Aya staring worriedly at Ken and Ken just sitting still.
"God. I'm so messed up." Ken muttered suddenly, breaking the silence. Then without a word, leaned his head on Aya's shoulder. The redhead blinked, but made no motion to push him away. Why would he? Instead, he gathered Ken in his arms, much like he did that night and held him tightly.
"Thank you." Muttered Ken.
"Why?"
"For that night." He had just voiced Aya's earlier thoughts. "For forgiving me." Hearing this, something snapped inside of Aya. Maybe it was the cold front he placed around himself or the mask he hid under. It caused such an ache on his heart, those simple words that came from Ken's mouth.
"I don't need to forgive you, Ken." Aya whispered, causing Ken to look up suddenly with fear. "Sure, you made a mistake, but I had no right to yell at you like that."
"Of course you have the right, you're the leader of Weiss, Ran." Ken pointed out, the fear subsiding. Aya shook his head.
"No. I'm also your boyfriend and if I cared about you, I wouldn't have done that."
"Ran, you did what you had to do. It doesn't matter that you're my boyfriend, in Weiss we are all teammates, nothing more and nothing less." Ken said.
"I know. But the real reason why I shouted at you tonight was that-" Aya paused, feeling nervous all of a sudden. "The thing is..." Ken gave Aya's arm a tug and dropped himself on the redhead's lap, much to Aya's surprise. As he leaned his head against Aya's so that their foreheads touch, Ken whispered,
"You don't have to tell me."
"I have to. I need to." He took a deep breath. "I was...afraid." Ken frowned.
"Afraid? Why?"
"When I saw you turn that corner and walked into that ambush...I thought I'd lost you." Aya whispered and he couldn't supress the shudder that went through his body as he thought of it. The moment of panic and helplessness that he felt when he thought those guards were ready to fire at Ken's body.
"Ran?" A hand reached out to brush away at the hair over Aya's eyes. Violet eyes met loving brown ones and Aya felt himself gasp at the beautiful sight. Never before had he seen Ken's eyes so loving before. There was a tenderness there that was mixed with a sadness that Aya had not sense from his lover.
"We live and we die as assassins, that's who we are." Ken whispered. "We can't change what we are or what we've done. I've learned to live in the moment, don't look at the past and don't look at the future. Cherish every single moment we have together."
"Ken." He breathed out, before touching his lips to his lover's in a heated kiss. "I'll always love you." He whispered, eyes closed, holding Ken tightly in his arms.
----+----
Ken could only watch, with tired, bloodshot eyes as the other struggled to speak. He had his bags packed and his arms folded as his lover tried to piece together a way of telling him to stay. Then again, this was Ran...he'd probably come up with, "Good for you. Now go." Or something along that line.
He had to bite his tongue so that he wouldn't say something he would regret later. But nothing came out of the redhead's mouth and Ken shook his head sadly. There really was no way to save their relationship. And to think, this mess started because of soccer, Ken's only passion in life.
But Ran couldn't help it, as sad as it is, he was jealous. There was just something about soccer that makes Ken come alive, something even he couldn't do. And it hurts, Kami, it hurts. Despite what they shared, there is a part of Ken that Ran can't seem to reach. That part belongs to Ken alone or is shared by an entirely different world.
Seconds passed into minutes and seeing no change from Ran, Ken let out a bitter laugh and shook his head. Some things just don't change. He turned around, bags slung around his shoulder and headed for the door.
Something snapped inside of Ran at that moment, something that made him panic. Perhaps it was reality, finally sinking in. Something must have kicked him to a start, to suddenly realize that if he doesn't do something--anything!--he might lose Ken for good. And damn if he would let that happen. Without wasting another second, a hand reached out to desperately grab a hold of the only good thing he had left in his life.
He was begging Ken to stay, as he clung desperately to the retreating form. "I'm sorry." Finally, those words fell out of his lips as he squeezed violet eyes shut, trying to stop the rest of the fallen tears from falling.
----+----
The hand Ken had on the door was shaking and he couldn't stop the tears that were falling from his eyes. But the man that held him tightly, the one that clung to him so desperately...how can he possibly leave him? The only person he ever loved.
"I'm sorry." Ran whispered again and the hand fell away from the door, dropped to his side.
"Damn it, Ran." Ken whispered back, shaking his head as he turned around and looked at his lover. A hand slowly reached out to brush tears away from close lids. The other snaked behind the redhead's neck to pull his taller form down slightly as he kissed away the tear-streaked cheeks. "What am I going to do with you?"
"Forgive me?" Lips curled to a smile and brown eyes were now lighting with laughter, not tears. There was only one word to describe the vision before him. Cute. But he wasn't about to say that aloud, even though it was true. Despite the tear-streaked cheeks, the pleading look Ran currently favored was just so damn cute.
"I forgive you, you idiot." As their foreheads touch, both leaning into the hug, even though it was more of a tangle than a hug.
"I love you."
"I know."
"Aren't you going to say you love me too?"
"No. I'm still mad at you." Ken said stubbornly, even though he was just teasing. But the whimper that issued from his lover forced him to sigh. "Ran, you know I love you." Yes, as much as it is hard to believe, but Ran can be reduced to a pathetic love-sick fool when it comes to Ken. Nevertheless, it was one of the reasons Ken loves him for.
----+----
Ran was watching the door frantically, praying that Omi or Youji would find them soon. There was no way he could bring Ken downstairs, not with a rain of bullets on them. He looked down at the brunette on the floor beside him. His breathing was haggard and every single movement his chest was making seemed to send him into a new wave of pain.
Ran blinked back the tears that were threatening to fall, even as he squinted his eyes to look for any sign of movement. The rain wasn't helping any, his vision was clouded over. Ken moved slightly, only for a choked cry of pain to sound out of his mouth.
"Don't move, Ken." Ran whispered. But the stubborn brunette reached out to grab Ran's hand. His eyes were slightly glazed as he looked up at him.
"They're not coming, are they?" He asked, voice barely a whisper.
"Yes they are." Ran said, grasping the cold hand. "You hang in there."
"Ran?"
"Yes?"
"Hold me." Violet eyes widened slightly. He didn't like how Ken's voice sounded, so weak and tired, so unlike his usual self. "Please?" He fought the tears that were threatening to spill as he nodded, careful to pull Ken in his arms. There were breathless gasps of pain, even though he was careful and it took some time before the pain actually subsided and Ken was able to rest in his arms comfortably.
He placed a kiss on the feverish forehead. Despite the rain, despite the cold, Ken's body was too warm for comfort. He was burning up. "Stay with me, Ken."
"I hate rain." Murmured the brunette. Ran let out a small laugh.
"I know, love. I know."
"It's hard, Ran." He knew what Ken meant. It was hard to stay awake, to stay with him. Ken was slipping away and...Damn it! Where the hell are they!
"Fight for me, love. Please?" Ran whispered, wishing to hold Ken tighter but not wishing to cause him more pain. "You can't give up on me, Ken...I can't live without you.
"Ran..."
"I can't! You're the only thing keeping me alive in this hell. Don't you leave me." Ken gave his hand a squeeze. It was enough, for now, that gesture. He knew Ken would fight. And he too fought to tear his gaze away from his love as he continued to watch the door.
----+----
Ken could feel himself slip away, he was starting to lose feeling of his legs, for example. They were numb. It was as if they were detached from his body and yet, he could see them from where he was. How long have they been on the roof now? It felt as if they were there forever.
The pain was beginning to drag him under. But he promised Ran, he promised Ran that he wouldn't give up. That he would hang on, for his love's sake. But it's so hard and the darkness seemed so inviting now. The eternal abyss...
He saw something at the corner of his eye, a lightning in the distance. Slicing through the dark sky like a silver knife. Almost like a silver bullet, he thought with a wary smile. How ironic...it seems that he's about to die on a stormy night.
But he mustn't think of that, even though he knew that there was a big chance that he might just do that. If the others don't come soon, he will slip away. His heart ached at the thought of leaving Ran forever, especially at how heartbroken his lover would be. Despite his drowsiness and the fact that it hurt every time he tried to say something, he had to say one last thing.
----+----
"I love you." Ken managed to whisper softly.
"I love you too."
----+----
"You still with me?" Ran asked carefully, trying to hide the panic in his voice as he watched Ken's still face. He wanted to sigh in relief as brown eyes looked up at him and the brunette smiled.
"Uh-huh." Ken replied.
"Rest some more, they'll be here soon. I know it." Ran said, carefully brushing away wet brown locks that stuck to Ken's forehead.
"I know." Ken whispered back, his smile faltering slightly. Ran noticed however, the track of what seemed to be rain drops from the corner of his love's eyes. Upon closer notice, however, he saw that they weren't rain drops.
His heart was breaking and he saw the effort it took for Ken to even stay awake and be aware of his surroundings. He thought of how easy it would be for Ken to just slip away and he could feel fear gripping his heart, even as he thought of the amount of pain Ken was in.
"Ken?" He swallowed. "God, if I could make it hurt less, I would. I'll carry your pain, you know that right?"
"Of course I do." Ken whispered. "Don't be sorry, Ran. You're the reason I'm still here" But those words were strained. And Ran knew how much effort it took just for Ken to speak.
----+----
"Ken?" He didn't receive a reply, panic setting in. "Ken?" He shook the unresponsive form in his arms. Even as tears clouded his vision, he struggled to find a pulse. Anything...
Don't go, damn you. Don't leave me!
His hand was shaking and he couldn't seem to find a pulse. He wanted to scream aloud, but bit his lip as he reached out to grab Ken's limp hand. But before he could do anything, it seems that cavalry has arrived.
"Aya!" Youji shouted as the tall blond reached them. "We've been looking all over for-" He stopped, shocked at the image that greeted him. Ran cradling Ken's limp form in his arms, face wet with the tirade of the rain. Hell...they were both drenched. But as Youji noted closely, that wasn't rain that was falling from Ran's eyes as he looked helplessly to the older male.
"Youji! You found them?" Omi said, stopping short for a brief second, though he wasted no time as he managed to pry Ken's form away from Ran's grasps. "I need to check him, Aya." Omi said quietly, even as he pulled Ken away from him.
He felt his whole body grown numb, feel his own heart stop beating. How can he possibly live without Ken? How can he possibly survive without his only reason to live? God...why? Why now? Why them? Why, why why?
He wanted to shout to the heavens, to curse the stars, the moon, the rain...anything and everything, the whole cosmos if he had to. They were happy, gods, they were happy. Why did every single drop of happiness he had must be washed away by the rain, by the tears.
"Aya, easy does it." Muttered Youji, pulling the redhead aside as Omi checked Ken's still form over.
"Goddamn it, Youji." Ran said feverishly, slumping against the taller male. Apparently, standing out in the cold rain did more harm than good to him, as he felt himself go dizzy.
"Shit! Stay with me, Fujimiya!" Youji said, holding Ran's form up. "Omi, get those idiots to pick Ken up and help me out with Aya!" Ran vaguely heard Omi saying something in reply, but he was too out of it to decipher what the youngest assassin had said. Youji paused, shifting the weight of Ran's body against his own and looked to the sky. The rain was subsiding.
"Great. Now it stops raining." He muttered and that was the last thing Ran heard before he drifted to sleep.
----+----
The light was intense, even under closed lids. He wanted to wish it away, but found it unrelenting. He let out a groan as he opened his eyes, the sunlight pouring in from the open window. It's been a week. A mere week and already it was hell, he wanted to throw himself off the roof. God knows how many times he tried to do that already.
Ran! Don't do it! Youji's voice was muted from his ears, even as he tried to take that step. Omi's tearful voice as the young assassin tug at his arm.
Ken-kun wouldn't want you to do it, Ran-kun. He pleaded. Ran could only stare blankly at the younger boy. How would he know? Please, Ran-kun. Do it for Ken.
But Ken's...He closed his eyes again, but the tears made his way down his face, they always do.
"Wake up, sleepyhead." A cheerful voice said suddenly, startling him out of his misery.
"Go away." He muttered, though his mind was nagged by a quiet thought.
"Sorry Ran, can't do that." Not even a change in his voice. "I still need to kick your ass. Again." He didn't reply, instead he placed his arm over his closed eyes. Just then, reality finally kicked in. This wasn't Omi or Youji for that matter...
This wasn't a dream, he was awake. But if this wasn't a dream then that meant...He sat up abruptly, eyes blinking with disbelief when he saw the scowling brunet.
"Now is that any way to greet me, hmm?" Ken asked, folding his arms, nearly pouting as he cocked his head to the side.
"K-Ken?" Stammered Ran.
"Great. You forgot my name already?" The brunet said, but he was smiling as he sat down beside Ran. "How are you feeling?"
"I..." Ken placed the back of his hand on Ran's forehead, checking his temperature.
"I guess you're OK now. I wasn't sure how you were going to be, after all this that is." Ken said, before touching the redhead's cheek.
"How can you be here?"
"Huh?"
"You're dead." Ran said in a whisper, yet he could feel Ken's hand against his cheek. And it felt too real.
"Do I look dead to you?" Ken whispered, just as softly. Ran shook his head, feeling tears stinging his eyes. "Ran, do you even remember what happened?" Ken asked quietly.
"You were shot." Ken paused, blinking and then he shook his head slowly.
"No Ran, I wasn't." The redhead frowned and then nodded.
"Yes, you were. I saw you."
"Ran," Ken began quietly, "I had to drag you to the roof. We waited for Omi and Youji for the longest time. I-" He paused, struggling to keep his emotions in check. "I thought I lost you."
"But..." Even as he said it, a pain shot through his stomach. Bewildered, he stared down at his bandaged abdomen. How is it possible? He saw it...he saw it clearly in his head when-
Bullets were raining down on them, even as they turned the corner. He could only look at the brunet running beside him. No longer the cheerful and somewhat clumsy florist he worked with during the day, not the gentle and caring lover...an assassin, like him. And like him, Ken could die at any moment. At this very moment.
That thought sent his mind into a panic, even as the two of them rounded themselves up to head towards the nearest exit. But Ran knew, he had a feeling something was going to happen when they round that final corner. Before Ken could run by, he pulled the brunet back.
They stared at each other for a moment, Ken was staring incredulously at Ran, panic in his eyes and confusion. The only thing in Ran's eyes was acceptance as he turned the corner first and received the shot through his stomach.
He shook his head. Was that what happened? He looked at Ken, who was staring at him with a thoughtful look on his face.
"Are you OK?"
"Yeah. I'm alright." He shook his head. "I...had the strangest dream." He whispered.
"About what?" Ken asked quietly, as he slowly pulled Ran into his arms. The redhead complied, pressing his forehead against the side of Ken's head.
"I saw that YOU got hurt, not me." He whispered. "I saw you die, Ken and how it felt like to lose you."
"Oh, babe." Murmured Ken as he kissed Ran on the forehead. "You're dreaming everything that I felt the last couple of days."
"How long was I unconscious?"
"About three days."
"It feels longer." Ken let out a choked laugh.
"It felt like an eternity to me." He said, it was then that Ran pulled away and saw the tears in Ken's eyes. This time, it was Ran's turn to pull Ken into his arms. The brunet was careful, hugging tight but not so tight that he could hurt Ran, his wounds were still healing.
"Ran?"
"Hmm?"
"If anything were to happen...as long as I'm in your arms, I'm happy." Ken paused, looking into violet eyes. "Just let me die."
"Not without me, you won't."
END