Author's Note: H'llo Touya fans! Welcome to another chapter. Thanks to the wonderful job ff.net is doing lately (~laughs~) only three people noticed I'd put up chapter four. Well, I'm putting this one out rather quickly, so it's not too bad. Those three were just lucky I think. So, Violintide, Atom, and Askani Blue seem to have won this version of the lottery this time. Or something. Well, anyway, thank you for putting up with the wonky nature of ff.net lately just to read and review my story! Yay! You guys are awesome! (And patient...patience is a good thing! Congrats!) Oh! A late entry! L-chan just barely snuck in there with a review! (Yes, I was writing this author's note when the e-mail hit me. ~laughs~ Yay!!!)

That's all for now, enjoy the story!

Shades of Discovery

Falling

I was doing last minute alterations up until curtain. I ended up doing most of the sewing myself because no one else seemed to know what they were doing and I couldn't stand watching other people messing up like that. No one had seen me in the pink taffeta monstrosity until I, er, walked onstage. (With a little help from the guys, that is.)

Now I was staring at that damn costume and wondering why I hadn't taken it off half an hour ago. I pulled off the earrings with an almost violent motion, putting them in the prop box in the dressing room. I silently prayed that I'd never have to subject myself to such humiliation again. I'd have nightmares for the next ten years of being forced to wear the same pink dresses Sakura always wore.

The whole day had been a nightmare.

And the worst part of all...the worst part of all...was on stage for the balcony scene. I'd had to clamp my teeth down on my lip to keep from crying out as I held onto her hand. She didn't know what was down there! I didn't trust it, I didn't like it--it was dangerous.

And worst of all was the vision.

There I was holding Yoko back from certain doom, and all I could see was...was...I didn't want to think about it. It was a vision of the future. I knew it. But the one who was falling was someone more important to me than the girl who had dangled precariously while I held on to her for dear life.

I reached frantically for the zipper at the back of the dress. Just out of reach. I tried again. And again. I could almost touch it, almost reach it, but I couldn't get enough of a grip on it to pull the damn thing down.

And on top of it all, Sakura had shown up. She saw the whole thing, along with our cousin and that brat. What was he doing sitting out in the audience next to my sister? He had tried to beat her up, he had tried to set me on fire, he showered gifts and attention on my best friend, and now he was sitting next to my sister in a dark room? Sure, it was full of people, but...

"Dammit," I swore under my breath, trying again to reach the zipper and wrenching my already sore shoulder in the process. "How the hell do girls do this?"

"To-ya, I'm shocked! Such language!"

Those golden eyes were peering at me from the doorway, laughing silently from behind his glasses. "Oh, I do not want to hear about it from you, fairy godmother in a can. Just help me get this dress off?"

He smiled suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows to make sure I got the point, but when I just rolled my eyes he laughed and helped me pull the zipper down to where I could reach it. I actually felt myself blushing and was thankful my complexion disguised most of it. Why did he make me react like that?

What would he think if he knew I reacted like that?

"Are you sure you're okay, To-ya? I know you said you landed gently, but--" his voice was full of concern, lowered to a gentle tone that spoke of his genuine concern. It was a sharp contrast to the panicked shouts from earlier. He had been really afraid for me out there.

"Yes, I'm fine." I smiled, reassuring him as best I could. "The landing was nothing, but my shoulder is a little sore. I'll be as good as new in a couple of days, tops."

There was a lull in the conversation, and I almost turned around to see what was wrong, but he spoke again just before I did. "I have to go, I promised I'd catch up with Sakura-chan." There was that teasing look again though as he walked around me and smiled. "Unless you wanted more help?"

"Go. I'll deal with you later."

He laughed as he left. As I pulled the dress off and slipped my shirt back on I heard voices out in the hall. "Do you know where Kinomoto-kun is?"

I finished buttoning my shirt and tucked it into the pants I had left on under the dress while listening to the response.

"He's just changing now," Yuki's voice answered.

"Could you...maybe...I mean, I wanted to ask...could you tell him I wanted to talk to him?"

She had stuttered and stammered so much that I was just pulling on my tie by the time she finished. I opened the dressing room door.

"What do you need, Yoko?"

She jumped a foot in the air. She noticed that I was in the middle of changing my shoes and smiled. "Could you, maybe, meet me up on the roof? I wanted to talk you about something."

The way she glanced around indicated stronger than words could have that she wanted to talk to me in private. I smiled, nodding as I ducked back into the dressing room. I dumped the shoes in the same prop box the earrings had gone in, then pulled on my shoes with a happy sigh. It was all behind me. The entire nightmare.

I walked up the stairs to the roof, greeted by a beautiful sunset. There hadn't been many days I'd been happier to put behind me. Yoko and I stood in silence for a while, just enjoying the colors spread out before us...until....

"Um, I..." her words trailed off, trembling and unsure as she looked down upon the oblivious masses below us. Then she steeled her resolve and turned to face me. "...I really like you!"

Her words hit me out of the blue. Why hadn't I noticed? But, she was just another girl, like every girl in school, and I just couldn't imagine it. She wouldn't understand me, she wasn't what I wanted, and I just...I just.... "Thank you, but...."

"You like someone else?"

Yeah, I did. I added up all the blushes no one saw and the way I felt when...yeah. I liked someone else.

"Yeah, I had a feeling that was the case. I'm sorry I cried," she said, wiping away her tears, and I felt like a real jerk for doing this to her. "Don't worry about me." She smiled, then turned with false enthusiasm to scan the activities below. "Oh, the bonfire is going on now! So, can you do me one favor? Dance with me?"

Yeah, I could do that.

No hysterics, just a few tears, and she had gone back to cheerful and ready to move on with life. It had become easier and easier to turn girls down over the years. First when I had with Kaho and couldn't breathe a word. Then when my heart was broken and I didn't want to risk it ever again. And now...and now...and now when I was in love with my best friend who still didn't trust me enough to tell me his secrets and I didn't dare even think about it.

I let the words run through my mind as we walked out to the courtyard where the dancing was about to take place. I had fallen in love with my best friend. I was ready to admit it to myself. Answering Yoko, admitting that I loved someone else forced me to acknowledge to myself who that other person was. But, as long as he didn't trust me with his secrets, as long as he didn't trust me, I couldn't say a thing.

I refused to open up like that to someone who wouldn't let me in again. No more secrets, no more surprises, even if that meant no more love.

The thought irritated me enough that when the dance called for a change of partners I just walked away. She called me on it, of course, but-- "I didn't promise anyone else a dance, Yoko."

I walked over to Yuki, seeing him surrounded by the little kids. Immediately Sakura got on my case. "You could have told me if you were going to be in the play!"

She could have found out from only one person. "You told her, didn't you?" I glared.

He agreed with a nod and a laugh, then escaped by asking Sakura for a dance.

And that's why I'd never say a thing about how I feel. He would run away. He'd never be ready to hear what I had to say. So, I just watched him dance like that with my little sister. It would never be me standing there with him. And, as long as I could--no. I would not give up and stay happy being his best friend forever. I would win his trust, if it took another ten years. This was the secret I'd hold as ransom for his.

Or something.

I don't know.

When it comes to Yuki, there are too many things I just don't know.

~~~~~@~~~~~

Over time though, I realized that it wasn't a lack of trust. We grew closer and closer, to the point where I would trust him with my life. I'd trust him with Sakura's life. And no amount of hiding behind a mask would convince me that he didn't trust me just as much.

I had survived a year. An entire year since she left me, and Sakura unwittingly dragged me to the same place, the very same event, that commemorated that anniversary. No, to be fair I had invited myself along before I knew where she was going because I wanted to get out of the house and forget. I hadn't asked where the festival they were going would be held, though I should have known.

It was the first time I had stepped foot there since...that day.

And I survived it.

From there on I put things behind me. I wasn't ready to talk to Yuki about how I felt, he hadn't confided in me yet, but I was at peace with how I felt. Sakura was still keeping things from me, and I was almost certain her favorite stuffed toy was alive and helping her with whatever it was she was keeping from me. I wasn't sure though, but I kept trying to catch it. I was starting to feel silly about it though.

Well, I felt silly until the day...until the day I fell. It was a ghost that looked like Sakura, and I was trying to help. She kept asking me to look for something for her, then she guided me to a cliff that was obscured by the brush. I was so wrapped up in looking, in helping, that I blindly fell. I managed to twist around and grab the ledge, but....

I hung there for an eternity. Time stood still for me as I gauged how far that would be to drop. How much damage would I suffer, and could I land to minimize it? My mind refused to figure it out. I couldn't get past the idea of falling that far at all. Only that ghost knew where I was. And she was standing over me, watching me....

And I felt a gathering of magic, then the ledge I clung to crumbled.

My life passed before my eyes. An eternal moment as I fell, closer and closer to impact, but never quite reaching it.

And all the regrets.

So many regrets.

I had to be the one to ask. I had to be the one that told Yuki he didn't have to keep his secrets. When the time was right I'd be honest and tell him what I knew and hope he wouldn't hold it against me that I had figured things out he didn't want me to know.

And Sakura. I'd have to tell her she couldn't keep her secrets from me like that.

Then impact hit with bone crushing intensity and those thoughts flew from my mind. All was pain. My ankle had twisted when I hit the ground. I hadn't meant to take the fall with my hands or feet at all, but the way I was falling it couldn't be helped. I'd have to go the hospital. I didn't think it was broken, but I couldn't be sure.

All the thoughts that had raced through my head wouldn't return for months. For, after the pain was gone, other events helped drive them away.

I couldn't tell you if that was for the best.