Author's Notes: And more time passes. ~laughs~ Don't worry, there's no end in sight. It keeps getting longer and longer...I don't understand how that could happen. Gee, you'd think I enjoy writing about Touya or something. ~shakes head~ What a silly, off the wall notion.

So, for all the Touya fans out there who keep prompting me to add more and write faster, thank you. I'm so happy the tickling scene worked for everyone, and there's more to come between them. I promise. Angst first though. And magic. And head bonking. ~giggles~ Violintide (with an additional thanks for the review of Silent Eyes on CLAMPesque), Rei Eien, Kira, Askani Blue, Anthy, Peacewish, and Silver Angel, thank you for taking the time to read this and leave a comment. I appreciate it when someone leaves a review for me. It gives me warm fuzzies and makes me want to write faster. It also makes me write better when people point out what I'm doing right or what I may have messed up or where they think I may be going or something. But even just saying that you read what I wrote and want me to keep writing is acceptable. I *always* accept unconditional praise. ~grins~ Thank you!

Shades of Discovery

Distracted

How many flavors can my denial come in? I was in love. I'd told myself I was in love months ago, but all that time I had spent just trying to assure Yuki he could trust me and being suddenly confronted with my first love had sent my emotions spiraling.

I avoided her.

I pretended nothing was wrong around Yuki.

And in the dark of night I kept waking up from nightmares I was thankful I wouldn't remember in the morning.

So, what did I really feel?

I thought I loved her. I really did. She was the world to me. She left and she killed me inside, and now she was back and did I just let go of that love?

I thought I loved him. I really did. He had become everything worth living to me, but he didn't trust me. My heart was torn in two, and

(When I return,)

I wasn't sure what I felt at all anymore.

So how many flavors of denial could I taste? When things were simple I could handle it, but now I was being torn in two and I didn't want to deal with any of it. Yuki was just my best friend. Kaho was someone who was outside my orbit.

But she said that we would be good friends when she returned.

She also said I'd be in love.

She had said something else, and I had tried to block it out because hope was there, twisting my heart until I couldn't recognize my own feelings anymore. I still wanted her.

I wanted her every time Yuki looked at me with that oblivious smile and refused to take my hints.

But, did I love either one of them, really? I felt different things for each. It just felt different, so which one was love?

Both?

Neither?

My denial was a rainbow of flavors and I indulged in each one depending on my mood. I could deny that I still had feelings for Kaho. I could deny I felt anything other than friendship for Yuki. I could deny that Kaho was right when she said she'd be in love with someone else. I could deny that we had a chance to be friends again. I could deny that I had feelings at all sometimes, and those times were almost easy to live through.

I could deny fate.

I could deny choice.

I couldn't escape any of them though.

~~~~~@~~~~~

"So, come over for supper tonight. Dad is going to be late, it's just me and Sakura."

"Are you sure it's okay?" His whole face was lit up, simply from being invited, but he still asked like he doubted he'd be welcomed.

"Of course. I wouldn't have invited you otherwise."

"You know, I'm getting used to my grandparents being away on vacation. Just because I tell you they're gone doesn't mean you have to invite me over."

No, but it made a good excuse to have him visit. I smiled. "I know that. If you don't want to come over, that's fine. I just thought that with your grandparents gone you'd be bored without anyone else around."

"I never said I didn't want to come over. I just don't want you to think I'm dropping hints that I want to come over just because I'm alone at the house."

We were both smiling, going back and forth about him imposing and not being any trouble and variations on both themes. We ended up walking up to my house still in the middle of the conversation. "If you don't stay for dinner now that we're almost here Sakura will be heart broken."

"We can't have that! You'd kill anyone who would break Sakura's heart, so it seems I don't have a choice. Still, I wonder if anyone else would be heart broken."

I blinked, unsure if he meant that the way I thought he did. "What?"

"If I turned around and went home right now, would To-ya be heart broken?" His expression was nine parts musing, one part amused.

"Of course I--ouch!"

The sky was falling.

Sakura was throwing things at me from her room.

No, neither one. That was the window she kept her stuffed animals under, so one of them must have gotten knocked out by accident.

It was heavier than a normal stuffed animal though.

Yuki had caught it after it bounced off of my head. "Isn't this one of Sakura's toys?"

I nodded. "It's her favorite toy. She carries it around with her a lot and talks to it as if it's alive when she thinks she's alone."

It was that one. The one that I was seriously suspecting was alive somehow. When it had hit me on the head it certainly didn't feel like just a toy.

Something was different about it though.

"I should throw it up on the roof," I complained, looking intensely for a reaction. Yes, there it was, those small black eyes widened slightly in what could be fear.

"To-ya!"

"Oh, I won't. I'd be the one who would have to go up there and get the thing when Dad got home and found Sakura in tears. Really though, she should take better care of her things if she wants to keep them."

He held it closer, almost protectively as I opened the door, and what looked like a blush stained its cheeks. Interesting. Amusing. And worth looking into further when I had a chance.

~~~~~@~~~~~

I didn't have a chance for much of anything really. I was constantly busy with work or with school or assignments or studying, and trying to figure out what Sakura was doing wasn't urgent to me.

Yet.

"So, what do you want for your birthday, Yuki?"

I was walking him home, one of his arms around my shoulders as he slowly limped down the dark street.

He just laughed. "You remembered!"

"Of course I remembered."

"When I told you it was back in February. Almost ten months ago! I didn't think you'd remember."

I shook my head. "What kind of a best friend would I be if I didn't remember your birthday?"

His eyes sparkled as he looked up at me. "What kind of a best friend doesn't know what to give his best friend for his birthday a week ahead of time?"

He was smiling though, and that was the idea. "Oh, I already bought presents for you. Seven of them. One for each day of the week, just like I threatened. I was just asking you to distract you. And it worked, see? Here we are."

Yuki laughed when realized we were just outside his house. "You're so good to me, To-ya, you take care of me all the time."

"That's what friends are for. I'm not done though, I want to take a look at that leg of yours." My tone brooked no argument, and he didn't attempt to dissuade me.

We went straight toward the kitchen. I found a stool for him to sit on then went in search of a washcloth and first aid kit. "So, since you already have presents for me, what are they?"

"I didn't know you'd want me to start celebrating your birthday tonight just because I said I have presents. Don't you have any patience?"

"To-ya! That's mean!"

"Maybe. A little. So, you mind if I cut your pants open so I can get a better look?"

He frowned, but nodded. "They're already ruined. Go ahead."

I looked closely, cutting the pants up to the large tear carefully. "At least it's shallow. It's already scabbed over too. I'll have to clean it up still."

I started wiping at it with the washcloth, trying not to hurt him too much, but still get any dirt or small rocks. Then I pulled out the medicine, carefully covering the wound. It felt strange to me to be doing this. His leg was so pale, so the contrast between the red blood and the white skin was striking in some unearthly way. I didn't like that he had gotten hurt. It just...it didn't seem right somehow.

"Jeez, what were you th--I mean, why was Sakura--I, no, I mean--" I took a deep breath and started again. "What I really mean is, thanks for protecting her."

The way he smiled pulled at my heart. I stared into his eyes for a minute, smiling in return, but somehow I was looking past the surface and seeing something else. Yes, the moon power he shone with was reminiscent of Kaho, but beneath the surface he was much different. I could see more, as if his true self was something...someone else entirely. Something not human.

That was it.

Everything clicked into place. He wasn't human at all. He didn't know how to be, so he didn't act like everyone else.

More than that though, he wasn't aware of it. He trusted me, but his secrets were locked away from himself.

I had to say something. Part of him was aware of all the secrets he kept, aware of everything, but locked away. I couldn't explain it better than that, even to myself. And that was where he kept all his pain and sorrow, the depth of feeling that I could sense about him but was never really expressed.

"Yuki, I--"

The phone was about to ring. Dad. Sakura had told him what happened, and he was checking up to make sure everything was okay.

"What is it, To-ya?"

"Nothing. I'll tell you some other time." Without looking at him I walked over to his phone and picked it up after the first ring. I looked at him then, shaking my head at his wide-eyed amazement. While I assured Dad that everything was fine, Yuki was smiling in delight.

"Sugoi!" he mouthed enthusiastically, but quietly.

He had no idea how ironic it was that he was impressed with such a simple trick.