TITLE: Dead (3/4)
AUTHOR: Spwaddict
E-MAIL: brackish60518@yahoo.com
SUMMARY: After something terrible happens to Lizzie, she starts to feel dead inside.
RATING: R
DISCLAIMER: I don't own it. Just breath a collected sigh of relief at that.
NOTES: Okay. First, this is hard R, ppl. It's darker than my other chapters so if you can't handle it, blah, blah, blah, don't read. Now that I've been insulting and rude, you may continue. Oh, and don't worry, I'm working on the next chapter.
FEEDBACK: Since my reviews and feedback are the reason why I keep adding chapters, you know that it's much appreciated.
It's been another week, and I haven't gone back to school. My family gets quiet when I'm around, afraid to say the wrong thing, afraid to hurt me. As if anything could hurt me as much as he did.
So now everyone knows. My father, brother, Miranda, Gordo. They all know and treat me like I'm not human. All except my Mom. She knows what it's like.
so she'll understand
I shut my eyes, trying to ignore the voice in my head that just keeps getting louder. I'm lying in my bed, just trying to get through another sleepless night. Trying to block out the voice. Failing.
she needs to know
She never will. None of them can know. It they knew who...raped me, they'll never be the same. I'll never be the same. I can't tell her.
you can't. you need to show her
I just want to be alone. I just need time, and it'll get better. I'll start to feel alive again. That's what she said.
and you believe her
Yes.
you're just going to sit here your whole life, pathetically quivering in a corner? you're weak
The voice is getting more bold and taunting. I know I'm going crazy.
no. you already are, baby girl
I mentally scream at the voice inside me. My covers are thrown off of me as I run to the bathroom. Don't call me that. Never call me that. He called me that.
i guess it's not going to get better like you thought
The voice laughs at me.
I look into the mirror, grasping each side of the sink. I concentrate on looking at my mouth, my hair, my shirt, looking everywhere but my eyes. I can't even bare to face myself, afraid that I'm the one who's saying these horrible things to myself. The words seem so real.
what's wrong liz? you're not afraid of yourself too, are you?
I'm not afraid.
you're always afraid. and you always will be
It gets better.
it will. as soon as you do what you know you have to
I finally look at my eyes. I take in my whole reflection. I'm tired, too thin, my hair is dirty, an I look like I haven't been outside in a month.
you haven't
I know I should care. I should want to look good and pretty and attractive. He said I looked all those things. Now...now, I look in the mirror and see nothing.
it's easy to see nothing isn't it? to be blind to the things you have to face.
I don't. I don't have to.
listen to me, bitch!
The voice is suddenly loud, screaming at me. I grab my head in pain.
you are nothing. he made sure of it. and you let him get away with that? you let him live as you slowly whither and die
Tears are starting to stream down my face. I look into the mirror again, determined to ward off the voice in my head.
you know what you have to do
"No!" I scream, too loud to just be talking to myself.
yes. it'll be easy
"No."
yes. you can be free
No. No. No. No.
you think you'll be his last? you think he wont do it again? do you think he already hasn't?
I wont do it.
what will stop him then? stop him from hurting another innocent girl like you were once...someone pure...someone like miranda
My face falls and I stare at myself, wondering if I really just heard that. If I'm really hearing any of this. If this could really be the truth.
"No..." My voice is weak now.
she is a peach, idn't she?
The voice changes. It's his voice now, talking slick and slimey, like he talked to me that night.
skin so smooth...lips...lips that would feel great around me. she'd be better than you. she'd scream more. my hand would feel so good running up her legs to her--
The voice is temporarily cut off from the sound of my vomiting. I am on my knees, my head in the toliet.
do you want that for her?
The voice was back to its regular taunting self.
I can't do it.
do you want that innocent girl to as tainted as you? to be as dead as you? do you think she deserves that? and when he does it to her, when he discards her like he did you, who do you think she's going to blame?
"No."
I'm not sure what I'm saying 'no' to anymore, I just know that I had to keep saying it.
right, because it worked so well when he was raping you. no. help. stop
I curl myself into a ball, in the corner of the bathroom. Vomit and tears left their remains on my face, and I'm too far gone to bother wiping it away.
look at you. you are everything he wanted you to be. he knows he'll never have to pay now. but you wont let him get away, will you?
"No."
you can be alive again. don't you want that?
"No."
all the hurt will go away. he wont hurt you anymore. you can be at peace
"No."
yes
I can't.
you can
I don't have the energy to try.
you don't need energy to pull the trigger
AUTHOR: Spwaddict
E-MAIL: brackish60518@yahoo.com
SUMMARY: After something terrible happens to Lizzie, she starts to feel dead inside.
RATING: R
DISCLAIMER: I don't own it. Just breath a collected sigh of relief at that.
NOTES: Okay. First, this is hard R, ppl. It's darker than my other chapters so if you can't handle it, blah, blah, blah, don't read. Now that I've been insulting and rude, you may continue. Oh, and don't worry, I'm working on the next chapter.
FEEDBACK: Since my reviews and feedback are the reason why I keep adding chapters, you know that it's much appreciated.
It's been another week, and I haven't gone back to school. My family gets quiet when I'm around, afraid to say the wrong thing, afraid to hurt me. As if anything could hurt me as much as he did.
So now everyone knows. My father, brother, Miranda, Gordo. They all know and treat me like I'm not human. All except my Mom. She knows what it's like.
so she'll understand
I shut my eyes, trying to ignore the voice in my head that just keeps getting louder. I'm lying in my bed, just trying to get through another sleepless night. Trying to block out the voice. Failing.
she needs to know
She never will. None of them can know. It they knew who...raped me, they'll never be the same. I'll never be the same. I can't tell her.
you can't. you need to show her
I just want to be alone. I just need time, and it'll get better. I'll start to feel alive again. That's what she said.
and you believe her
Yes.
you're just going to sit here your whole life, pathetically quivering in a corner? you're weak
The voice is getting more bold and taunting. I know I'm going crazy.
no. you already are, baby girl
I mentally scream at the voice inside me. My covers are thrown off of me as I run to the bathroom. Don't call me that. Never call me that. He called me that.
i guess it's not going to get better like you thought
The voice laughs at me.
I look into the mirror, grasping each side of the sink. I concentrate on looking at my mouth, my hair, my shirt, looking everywhere but my eyes. I can't even bare to face myself, afraid that I'm the one who's saying these horrible things to myself. The words seem so real.
what's wrong liz? you're not afraid of yourself too, are you?
I'm not afraid.
you're always afraid. and you always will be
It gets better.
it will. as soon as you do what you know you have to
I finally look at my eyes. I take in my whole reflection. I'm tired, too thin, my hair is dirty, an I look like I haven't been outside in a month.
you haven't
I know I should care. I should want to look good and pretty and attractive. He said I looked all those things. Now...now, I look in the mirror and see nothing.
it's easy to see nothing isn't it? to be blind to the things you have to face.
I don't. I don't have to.
listen to me, bitch!
The voice is suddenly loud, screaming at me. I grab my head in pain.
you are nothing. he made sure of it. and you let him get away with that? you let him live as you slowly whither and die
Tears are starting to stream down my face. I look into the mirror again, determined to ward off the voice in my head.
you know what you have to do
"No!" I scream, too loud to just be talking to myself.
yes. it'll be easy
"No."
yes. you can be free
No. No. No. No.
you think you'll be his last? you think he wont do it again? do you think he already hasn't?
I wont do it.
what will stop him then? stop him from hurting another innocent girl like you were once...someone pure...someone like miranda
My face falls and I stare at myself, wondering if I really just heard that. If I'm really hearing any of this. If this could really be the truth.
"No..." My voice is weak now.
she is a peach, idn't she?
The voice changes. It's his voice now, talking slick and slimey, like he talked to me that night.
skin so smooth...lips...lips that would feel great around me. she'd be better than you. she'd scream more. my hand would feel so good running up her legs to her--
The voice is temporarily cut off from the sound of my vomiting. I am on my knees, my head in the toliet.
do you want that for her?
The voice was back to its regular taunting self.
I can't do it.
do you want that innocent girl to as tainted as you? to be as dead as you? do you think she deserves that? and when he does it to her, when he discards her like he did you, who do you think she's going to blame?
"No."
I'm not sure what I'm saying 'no' to anymore, I just know that I had to keep saying it.
right, because it worked so well when he was raping you. no. help. stop
I curl myself into a ball, in the corner of the bathroom. Vomit and tears left their remains on my face, and I'm too far gone to bother wiping it away.
look at you. you are everything he wanted you to be. he knows he'll never have to pay now. but you wont let him get away, will you?
"No."
you can be alive again. don't you want that?
"No."
all the hurt will go away. he wont hurt you anymore. you can be at peace
"No."
yes
I can't.
you can
I don't have the energy to try.
you don't need energy to pull the trigger