TITLE: Dead (4/4)
AUTHOR: Spwaddict
E-MAIL: brackish60518@yahoo.com
SUMMARY: When something terrible happens to Lizzie, she starts to feel dead inside.
RATING: R
DISCLAIMER: Me, own Disney? Me, own anything? I'm awash in a sea of confusion.
NOTES: My God, I've finally finished! I can go outside and back to work once again, and the doctors say that it's okay to start eating and drinking again! So this suppose-to-be-one-chapter-fiasco is done, and I'm happy. Hopefully you'll all be pleasantly surprised with this ending chapter. Also, I usually hate lyrics in fan fictions, but since I'm a hipocryte I put some in.
FEEDBACK: I love all you people who feed me back.
**** ****
"You're so pretty when you lie Lovesongs always make me cry I don't think you have a choice There's no truth left in Your voice Remember when we used to laugh Just try to forget all that Wear my heart upon your lips I hope it tastes just like shit
You're so pretty when you die Lovesongs always make me cry I don't think you realize There's no blue left in Your eyes Remember when we used to sing Just try to forget those things Fill your hole inside with dirt I hope that fucking hurts
You have left a trail of deceit Assault and flattery Blasting through my wounds imprisoned me In God and poetry A ritual to mend my Angry heart A breeding ground for your untruth If God created man in his own image then fuck you..." -- "Miss Ann Thrope" by My Ruin
**** ****
I stand in his doorway, waiting for him to see me.
"Lizzie? What are you doing here?"
He's grading papers, reports, just like he's always done.
he acts like it didn't even happen. bastard
Bastard.
do it
"What do you want?"
I laugh slightly. Forced.
"Me? I just want to talk."
I pull out the revolver from behind my back.
it's funny what you can find in your father's sock drawer
His face is one filled with pure shock. He didn't expect that. People always have a tendency of surprising you sometimes.
"Now, I thought we could start out with small things like the weather. Then maybe we could work on the more pressing, current issues. Maybe politics?"
His hands are slightly raised in defense.
now he's defenseless
He's slowly rising out of his chair to--
"SIT DOWN!"
My voice shrieks to a pitch that makes him fall back. I smile at this. White teeth match my pale skin.
"Oh, what rage I hold inside. Are you shocked Mr. Dig?"
"Lizzie, what's going on?"
"I have a gun aimed at your head, any other questions?"
"Why?"
he knows why
He knows why.
"You know why."
I shift my weight in the deserted classroom. He was working late at the school. I knew he would be.
"Well, why don't you explain it to me anyway?" His voice is very timid. Now, he's timid.
"You want to talk? Fine, we'll talk. Let's start with the party." His face doesn't change expressions.
"No, let's start with you giving me that gun."
Instead, I cock it back.
"How does it work for a guy like you? You play the sensible teacher that the kids can talk to? Then you go to these high school parties, mingle, find something young and stupid to toy with?"
it's not nice for boys to break their toys
"How many have you done?"
more than you think if you don't stop him
He stares at me with questioning eyes and I wonder if I could get the bullet right in between them.
"Lizzie, I don't think I'm following you." I wish he'd stop saying my name.
"Well then, try to keep up Mr. Dig."
"Give me the gun, then we can talk."
"Don't do that! Don't patronize me like I'm a child!" I stop suddenly at that. "But I am, aren't I? I know I used to be a child. I used to think like one; feel like one. Now, you can't imagine what I feel."
"I don't know what you're saying, Lizzie."
"The party, dammit!" I yell, waving my gun like a pointer. He's panicking now.
"The party! You were there. I remember."
So do I.
"Did you think I was going to let you get away with it?"
you were. you were weak, but now you can be free
"We had a good time. You were great, but it was just one night and we both had way too much to drink. I'm sorry it you feel rejected, but is the gun really necessary?"
I blink.
He couldn't really think--
he does
That I actually wanted him to--
fuck you
But I screamed. Didn't I scream? Was that in my head too, like this incisive voice? Did I even get to scream?
"...You...you raped me."
I takes him a whole few seconds to comprehend. "No...no, I didn't. I mean, I...didn't. You don't know what rape is...I mean...what was consensual, you might think...people might have told you it was rape. What I did...it wasn't...that." He sounds so sure of himself.
"I didn't *know* anything. I'm fourteen, I'm not suppose to know what it's like to get raped. To have you get me drunk, and feel you on top of me, touching me..." My voice is cracking. I'm breaking.
just do it. be free
"How could you? You're a teacher, you weren't suppose to be anything more than someone I could talk to. I trusted you. I thought you would never hurt me like that." It sounds like I'm going to start crying. I am crying.
"I didn't hurt you."
"Right, and I'm just here about to kill you for the hell of it."
He hesitates for a moment.
do it
"I didn't...you wanted to."
"You're right. I wanted it bad. What gave it away? Was it me desperately trying to push you off, but being to weak to fight back? Was it the bleeding? Because I did a lot of that. I bled for so long. It hurt. You hurt me like no one ever will."
"Lizzie, I'm sor--"
He's cut off by the sound of the gun blast. The bullet smashed into the chalkboard just left of his ear. I see pieces chip off and hit him in the face.
"Don't say it unless you mean it." I say with mock cheerfulness, considering that I'll never be genuinely cheerful again.
"Jesus Christ, that was too close! If you would have missed, it would've hit me. Just give me the--"
"What are you talking about? I did miss."
He's taken aback, truly shocked at that. Only now does he see the seriousness of this situation. Only now do I. Now he sees how much he's hurt me.
lizzie borden took a gun and gave her teacher fourty-one
Shut up.
"How am I suppose to live? How am I suppose to have friends, or date, or even have a family? How am I suppose to explain that I want to vomit when anybody touches me?" Tears are streaming down my face, and my vision is too blurry to see the ones forming in his eyes.
"How am I suppose to live..." I start sobbing now, letting the gun fall to my side. I don't see him get up out of his chair, and walk toward me, but I can feel him. We both know that if he tries to touch me I'd empty the gun into him, so he doesn't try.
"Lizze, I'm--"
"Don't! Don't say it! You try to say it I'll kill you."
"I don't think you're going to kill me." I look at him, knowing he's right. I can't do it.
but that doesn't mean he can't
"If I give you the gun..." He looks at me hopefully. "Will you kill me?" His face falls.
"What--"
"Please?" I say in between sobs. I'm begging him. "Please, just kill me. Make it stop...Make...me dead."
"No..."
I crush the revolver against my temple. "If you don't, I will."
do it. be free
"Lizzie, my God, no!"
"I swear, I'll do it."
do it
A tear streaks down his face. "Fine." He puts his hand out. "Give me the gun, and I'll kill you."
I look at him doubtfully.
"I owe you that much."
Slowly, I lower the gun, placing it in his open palm. He grasps it and points it at my head. This is it. I exhale slowly, waiting to hear the sound of the gun blast. Waiting to feel the cold bullet rip through me. Waiting to be free.
He looks straight at me, and I look straight at him. Then, he releases the chamber, and lets all the bullets fall to the floor. He drops the gun to his side.
"You lied." I actually thought he would do it.
"Yeah well, rapists tend to do that on occasion." His eyes dart to his feet, then to his desk, anywhere but to me. "I--...I'm sor--"
He's cut off by two police men who charged into the room. Their guns were trained at him.
"Drop the gun!"
He does.
"We got a call from the Janitor that he heard a shot fired. Are you okay, miss?" I don't reply because I know that if I open my mouth I'd start laughing hysterically.
"I raped her." All eyes shift toward him. "Her name is Elizabeth McGuire and she's fourteen. I brought the gun to threaten her with it...because I raped her."
The officer looks at me. "Is this true?" All eyes shift toward me.
"...Yes."
"I'd like you to arrest me."
"I think I'd like that too." The officer says as he slams him against the wall and cuffs him.
Before they drag him out of the room, he looks at me.
"I know it's meaningless, and I could never make it right...but Lizzie, I'm...I'm so sorry."
And then he was gone.
He was wrong. It meant everything.
and now you can be free
AUTHOR: Spwaddict
E-MAIL: brackish60518@yahoo.com
SUMMARY: When something terrible happens to Lizzie, she starts to feel dead inside.
RATING: R
DISCLAIMER: Me, own Disney? Me, own anything? I'm awash in a sea of confusion.
NOTES: My God, I've finally finished! I can go outside and back to work once again, and the doctors say that it's okay to start eating and drinking again! So this suppose-to-be-one-chapter-fiasco is done, and I'm happy. Hopefully you'll all be pleasantly surprised with this ending chapter. Also, I usually hate lyrics in fan fictions, but since I'm a hipocryte I put some in.
FEEDBACK: I love all you people who feed me back.
**** ****
"You're so pretty when you lie Lovesongs always make me cry I don't think you have a choice There's no truth left in Your voice Remember when we used to laugh Just try to forget all that Wear my heart upon your lips I hope it tastes just like shit
You're so pretty when you die Lovesongs always make me cry I don't think you realize There's no blue left in Your eyes Remember when we used to sing Just try to forget those things Fill your hole inside with dirt I hope that fucking hurts
You have left a trail of deceit Assault and flattery Blasting through my wounds imprisoned me In God and poetry A ritual to mend my Angry heart A breeding ground for your untruth If God created man in his own image then fuck you..." -- "Miss Ann Thrope" by My Ruin
**** ****
I stand in his doorway, waiting for him to see me.
"Lizzie? What are you doing here?"
He's grading papers, reports, just like he's always done.
he acts like it didn't even happen. bastard
Bastard.
do it
"What do you want?"
I laugh slightly. Forced.
"Me? I just want to talk."
I pull out the revolver from behind my back.
it's funny what you can find in your father's sock drawer
His face is one filled with pure shock. He didn't expect that. People always have a tendency of surprising you sometimes.
"Now, I thought we could start out with small things like the weather. Then maybe we could work on the more pressing, current issues. Maybe politics?"
His hands are slightly raised in defense.
now he's defenseless
He's slowly rising out of his chair to--
"SIT DOWN!"
My voice shrieks to a pitch that makes him fall back. I smile at this. White teeth match my pale skin.
"Oh, what rage I hold inside. Are you shocked Mr. Dig?"
"Lizzie, what's going on?"
"I have a gun aimed at your head, any other questions?"
"Why?"
he knows why
He knows why.
"You know why."
I shift my weight in the deserted classroom. He was working late at the school. I knew he would be.
"Well, why don't you explain it to me anyway?" His voice is very timid. Now, he's timid.
"You want to talk? Fine, we'll talk. Let's start with the party." His face doesn't change expressions.
"No, let's start with you giving me that gun."
Instead, I cock it back.
"How does it work for a guy like you? You play the sensible teacher that the kids can talk to? Then you go to these high school parties, mingle, find something young and stupid to toy with?"
it's not nice for boys to break their toys
"How many have you done?"
more than you think if you don't stop him
He stares at me with questioning eyes and I wonder if I could get the bullet right in between them.
"Lizzie, I don't think I'm following you." I wish he'd stop saying my name.
"Well then, try to keep up Mr. Dig."
"Give me the gun, then we can talk."
"Don't do that! Don't patronize me like I'm a child!" I stop suddenly at that. "But I am, aren't I? I know I used to be a child. I used to think like one; feel like one. Now, you can't imagine what I feel."
"I don't know what you're saying, Lizzie."
"The party, dammit!" I yell, waving my gun like a pointer. He's panicking now.
"The party! You were there. I remember."
So do I.
"Did you think I was going to let you get away with it?"
you were. you were weak, but now you can be free
"We had a good time. You were great, but it was just one night and we both had way too much to drink. I'm sorry it you feel rejected, but is the gun really necessary?"
I blink.
He couldn't really think--
he does
That I actually wanted him to--
fuck you
But I screamed. Didn't I scream? Was that in my head too, like this incisive voice? Did I even get to scream?
"...You...you raped me."
I takes him a whole few seconds to comprehend. "No...no, I didn't. I mean, I...didn't. You don't know what rape is...I mean...what was consensual, you might think...people might have told you it was rape. What I did...it wasn't...that." He sounds so sure of himself.
"I didn't *know* anything. I'm fourteen, I'm not suppose to know what it's like to get raped. To have you get me drunk, and feel you on top of me, touching me..." My voice is cracking. I'm breaking.
just do it. be free
"How could you? You're a teacher, you weren't suppose to be anything more than someone I could talk to. I trusted you. I thought you would never hurt me like that." It sounds like I'm going to start crying. I am crying.
"I didn't hurt you."
"Right, and I'm just here about to kill you for the hell of it."
He hesitates for a moment.
do it
"I didn't...you wanted to."
"You're right. I wanted it bad. What gave it away? Was it me desperately trying to push you off, but being to weak to fight back? Was it the bleeding? Because I did a lot of that. I bled for so long. It hurt. You hurt me like no one ever will."
"Lizzie, I'm sor--"
He's cut off by the sound of the gun blast. The bullet smashed into the chalkboard just left of his ear. I see pieces chip off and hit him in the face.
"Don't say it unless you mean it." I say with mock cheerfulness, considering that I'll never be genuinely cheerful again.
"Jesus Christ, that was too close! If you would have missed, it would've hit me. Just give me the--"
"What are you talking about? I did miss."
He's taken aback, truly shocked at that. Only now does he see the seriousness of this situation. Only now do I. Now he sees how much he's hurt me.
lizzie borden took a gun and gave her teacher fourty-one
Shut up.
"How am I suppose to live? How am I suppose to have friends, or date, or even have a family? How am I suppose to explain that I want to vomit when anybody touches me?" Tears are streaming down my face, and my vision is too blurry to see the ones forming in his eyes.
"How am I suppose to live..." I start sobbing now, letting the gun fall to my side. I don't see him get up out of his chair, and walk toward me, but I can feel him. We both know that if he tries to touch me I'd empty the gun into him, so he doesn't try.
"Lizze, I'm--"
"Don't! Don't say it! You try to say it I'll kill you."
"I don't think you're going to kill me." I look at him, knowing he's right. I can't do it.
but that doesn't mean he can't
"If I give you the gun..." He looks at me hopefully. "Will you kill me?" His face falls.
"What--"
"Please?" I say in between sobs. I'm begging him. "Please, just kill me. Make it stop...Make...me dead."
"No..."
I crush the revolver against my temple. "If you don't, I will."
do it. be free
"Lizzie, my God, no!"
"I swear, I'll do it."
do it
A tear streaks down his face. "Fine." He puts his hand out. "Give me the gun, and I'll kill you."
I look at him doubtfully.
"I owe you that much."
Slowly, I lower the gun, placing it in his open palm. He grasps it and points it at my head. This is it. I exhale slowly, waiting to hear the sound of the gun blast. Waiting to feel the cold bullet rip through me. Waiting to be free.
He looks straight at me, and I look straight at him. Then, he releases the chamber, and lets all the bullets fall to the floor. He drops the gun to his side.
"You lied." I actually thought he would do it.
"Yeah well, rapists tend to do that on occasion." His eyes dart to his feet, then to his desk, anywhere but to me. "I--...I'm sor--"
He's cut off by two police men who charged into the room. Their guns were trained at him.
"Drop the gun!"
He does.
"We got a call from the Janitor that he heard a shot fired. Are you okay, miss?" I don't reply because I know that if I open my mouth I'd start laughing hysterically.
"I raped her." All eyes shift toward him. "Her name is Elizabeth McGuire and she's fourteen. I brought the gun to threaten her with it...because I raped her."
The officer looks at me. "Is this true?" All eyes shift toward me.
"...Yes."
"I'd like you to arrest me."
"I think I'd like that too." The officer says as he slams him against the wall and cuffs him.
Before they drag him out of the room, he looks at me.
"I know it's meaningless, and I could never make it right...but Lizzie, I'm...I'm so sorry."
And then he was gone.
He was wrong. It meant everything.
and now you can be free