Be Careful What You Wish For
Author's Note:
Hoo boy. I've truly gone off the deep end with this one. Here, in all its doubtful glory, I present to you: the Horatio Hornblower/Lord of the Rings cross-over. Can it be done? Why not, I say. Just a warning, this story makes no attempt to be serious, so I tell you now: here there be silliness. Hope everybody enjoys this.
Cheers, Ivory Moon
Standard Disclaimer:
Don't own Middle-Earth, it belongs to Tolkien. Don't own Hornblower and various characters, they belong to CS Forester and whatever big companies are laying claim this week.
Rating:
PG-13 for some language, and comedic violence.
Prologue: Where a Certain Blue-Eyed Hobbit Is Upstaged By a Cute Naval Officer
"I wish the Ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had ever happened."
Frodo closed his eyes, fruitlessly wishing for the thousandth time (or maybe it just seemed that way from the audience) that when he opened them, the hateful golden object would be gone.
No such luck. The ring still sat in the palm of his hand, metaphorically taunting him. (Actually, when I think how crazy Frodo went before the end of the trilogy, it's very possible that the Ring was in fact, doing the evil equivalent of blowing raspberries. But I digress.).
He stood beside the deceptively calm Anduin river, screwing up his courage to leave. The elf-boats of Lorien bobbed peacefully near him, and he reached out to pull one nearer. "How I wish the ring had never come to me..." he wished once more.
Now this fact is not widely known, but the gods have a rather twisted sense of humour, and they enjoy an ironic twist of events as much as the next man...or hobbit. They also truly believe in the saying 'Be careful what you wish for...'.
That is to say, that, after having heard Frodo's plea for the twenty millionth time, somebody upstairs said, "Sod this. Let's give the poor Hobbit what he wants. He's already gotten rich enough off this movie." Besides, the gods had grown tired of the adorability that was Elijah Wood -sorry, I mean, Frodo Baggins- and were ready to try something new. Perhaps with a character who was a bit less *whiny*.
My, but the gods' sense of humour is ineffable, which means that you shouldn't try to understand it if you are a mere mortal, as it may perchance cause spontaneous combustion of gray matter. But one god remembered seeing, in an alternate universe (in a galaxy far, far away, if you wish) a tiny wooden ship toddling around on a tiny ocean.
Horatio Hornblower stood on the deck of His Majesty's Ship Renown, having no idea that his life was about to take a turn for the decidedly weird...