Title: Devastating Past
Author: Valerie
E-mail: funbreath@msn.com
Disclaimer: they don't belong to me
Summary: AU Angel is new at Sunnydale High. He meets Buffy and the gang. They think he's just a regular kid. Not likely.
Timeline: during season 2 of BTVS...sorta. Let's just say that Buffy and the gang are in their Junior year in Sunnydale High.
Spoilers: as far as alternate universe goes...almost nothing. References on demons from BTVS and Angel from time to time, but that's about it
Rating: R
Distribution: You can take it but ask me first please.
Feedback: That's a big big big yes!!!!! It's my first fic, so please?
*********
3.
The dreaded night had finally arrived. Joyce was wearing a fancy long dress that she only wore in these cases. She looked at her daughter who was silent. "Buffy you look fantastic. I'm glad you dressed up a bit." At that, Buffy turned her head towards her mother, startled.
*WHAT? Dressed up?* she looked down and saw that she was still wearing her pair of blue jeans, her white tank top and her black short jacket. *You've gotta be kidding me! She actually thinks I tried to dress up? So much for the rebellious impression I wanted to give. Damn, my good fashion sense is paying me back!*
As the Parker lived only two blocks away from them, Joyce and Buffy had walked to their house. When they arrived at the right number, Joyce walked along the alley that led to her friend's home. Eventually, Buffy took a look at the house. Her eyes widened.
"Wow! It's huge!" she remarked. "I had no idea you made that much money working at that gallery. How come we don't have a house like this? Where is the money?"
Joyce chuckled slightly. "Well, I don't have a millionaire husband Buffy."
"Millionaire?"
"Yes, Diane's husband owns a very big computer company. Come on sweetheart."
Buffy followed her to the front door. After ringing the bell they waited a few seconds and a seemingly fifty year old lady in a black dress with a white apron opened the door.
"Mrs and Miss Summers?" Joyce nodded. "Good evening. My name is Mary. Please, come on in. Mr and Mrs Parker are waiting for you in the living room."
*Holy Jesus Christ! They have a MAID!!!!* Buffy thought, stunned. Inside the house was every bit of what she thought it would be from the outside. It was huge and decorated with an artist's touch. Mary led them to the living room where a couple in their forties was sitting on a big couch in front of the fireplace, chatting happily.
"Mr and Mrs Parker? Your guests have arrived." Mary informed them before leaving the room.
"Joyce, how are you?" Diane Parker greeted her friend, standing and walking to her with a big warm smile. "And this must be Buffy. You look gorgeous if I might say!" she shook her hand friendlily.
"Nice to meet you Mrs Parker." She replied politely. *Hey! I actually like her!*
"This is my husband Frank." Diane introduced Joyce and Buffy to her husband. They exchanged a few nice to meet yous and how are you tonights, and they all sat on the couch, Frank giving them all a drink.
"Buffy sweetheart, I don't think you're going to be interested in the grown up talk. Let me introduce you to Kristin." Diane told Buffy with a grin. She called the girl loud enough so that she would hear her from her room. "This way you'll be able to talk about boys instead of boring paintings!"
"I gotta say, you read my mind!" Buffy replied, grinning too at the charming lady. A minute later Kristin entered the living room. She was exactly what Buffy thought she wouldn't be. Kristin was a tall girl with long brown hair. She was wearing black jeans and a black t-shirt with a silver skull printed on the front that was short enough to show her stomach. She had a rose tattoo on the left hip, a tiny diamond piercing on the nose and one on the belly button. Her pretty face was make-up free but she had obviously taken care of her hair so that it would hang around her face without falling onto her eyes.
"Kristen, honey, let me introduce you Joyce Summers, my colleague from the gallery, and her daughter Buffy." Diane told her. The girl looked at Buffy and raised her eyebrows. She was clearly expecting, as Buffy was, some little art geek.
"Nice to meet ya" she finally greeted Buffy.
"Same here." The slayer replied with a smile.
"So girls, are you going to stay around to discuss the new exhibition on African traditions and communications throughout paintings and sculpture or do you want to go do something on your own until dinner?" Frank Parker asked them half-seriously. The two girls exchanged a look and ran out of the living room.
*****
Buffy and Kristin were getting along very well. They sat in the other living room talking about everything, laughing about stories of their previous boyfriends. They understood each other perfectly, seeing that they had both arrived in Sunnydale High School in the middle of the year from Hemery in Los Angeles. Kristin was a freshman in Sunnydale High, so she was two years younger than Buffy, but she looked as old as the slayer. The dinner went amazingly well too, which surprised very much Buffy. She had completely expected to be bored out of her mind, but the Parkers and her mother didn't talk about art at all. Later in the evening, after dinner, Kristin and Buffy went outside for a little bit while the adults were still talking in the dining room.
"Wow! It's gigantic!" Buffy exclaimed when she saw the garden. It was indeed very large, with a big swimming pool, a pool house, an area with chairs and a table.
"I know. I totally freaked when I first came in here. Well.not as much as I did when I stepped into the house." Kristin agreed.
"What do you mean? I thought your parents said they had it built only 5 years ago. You weren't there when the building started?"
"Actually no. I only arrived a few weeks ago. Diane and Frank are not my real parents, they couldn't have children so they asked the social services if they could help by becoming foster parents for a kid. That's how I came in here. I was lucky, they are so cool!"
"What happened? With your real parents? If you don't mind me asking." Buffy asked softly.
"It's all right, I don't mind talking about it. They died when I was 9 after abandoning my brother and me. We were staying at a friend's house for the night. Before they left, they called the social services so that they would pick us up at our friend's and take care of us. But the same night they were killed in a fire." Kristin explained, showing no real emotion on her face.
"That's horrible." Buffy commented, feeling really bad for her new friend.
"Yeah. We felt so betrayed. But with the years we learned to move on. We lived with different foster families.and from time to time in an orphanage. First in our home town in New York. But we just couldn't deal with all of the changes. We started going on the streets, meeting new people and never following the rules. The kids of the streets became our new family. My brother was the leader of the whole group. Ok, it was not a healthy style of life, but we were fine. Then our problems at school and in the families made the social services move us out, they sent us to Los Angeles a year ago. We attended Hemery there. But it was the same than in New York. We made new friends on the streets, and after a full year plus two months, we arrived here."
"But where is your brother? I mean your parents.er.Diane and Frank, didn't mention him."
"Oh, that's the funny part." She replied sarcastically. "See, the social services believed it was all my brother's fault we made that much trouble. Cause he's 3 years older than me, he doesn't give a damn about rules and school and he doesn't mind at all getting into fights. It's not that he's a rebellious kind of guy really.I think he took the fact that my parents were planning to abandon us before they died a lot worse than me. He never showed his emotions to anyone except me. Anyway, when we arrived here they put us in different foster families. He lives 10 minutes from here."
For a moment both girls were quiet, trying to think about what to say next. The wind came a little stronger, making the window of Kristin's bedroom at the first floor open itself. Music came from the room.
//And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest thing to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight//
"You left the stereo playing in your room." Buffy told Kristin, seeing that from what they could see from the garden, the room was completely dark.
"No I didn't." Kristin muttered, sighting heavily.
"Something wrong?" Buffy asked, surprised.
"I don't know. Guess we're gonna have to find out." Kristin walked back inside, followed by Buffy. The two girls climbed the stairs quickly, and as they walked along the many corridors to the brunette's bedroom, the song was getting louder and louder.
//And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am//
Kristin finally opened the door. Buffy could tell the room was huge, even if it was completely dark inside.
"Sometimes you're a real pain in the ass, you know?" Kristin exclaimed loud enough to cover the song which was playing very loud.
// I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am//
Buffy just stared strangely at her friend, who was, as far as she knew, talking to her bedroom (?), her stereo (?), the song (?)...
"I'll never understand what is wrong with you!" Kristin continued, stepping into the room and reaching for the light. She turned on a small lamp next to the door which illuminated most of the room enough to walk completely inside without any risk of falling. Buffy followed Kristin in the room as she closed the door behind them.
"Who are you talking to?" Buffy eventually asked.
// I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am//
Just as the same song was about to start again, Kristin turned off the stereo and turned on a more powerful lamp next to it, which left only a few shadows in the corners. In one of the corners, at the opposite of the door and not far from the window, Buffy was surprised to see that someone was sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall. A few moments later, when she became used to the little darkness that was still surrounding that person, she recognized the guy.
*OH MY GOD!!* She was a little more than shocked to see Angel.
"You HAVE to stop doing that, you know?" Kristin told him. After a few seconds, he turned slightly his head and glared at her. "WHAT is your problem?" He never answered, he simply turned his head back and buried it in his hands, sighting loudly. "I thought I told you to get rid of that CD? You just HAVE to stop listening to that song!"
"What's wrong with that song?" Buffy asked, curious.
"The lyrics hit way too hard home for him. It's like the guy who's singing talks about his life." Kristin answered.
"oh." She simply murmured. *'I don't want the world to see me'...yeah, I guess it fits the character. He didn't try very hard to make friends at school. He barely talks to anyone.* The slayer turned her gaze back to Angel and noticed he was looking at her. She smiled softly. "Hi! Angel right? I'm Buffy." She introduced herself politely. He didn't seem to recognize her because he was still staring at her with a frown. "We have classes together." She explained quickly, which he answered by rolling his eyes.
"Angel, you know I don't mind having you here, but what are you doing here tonight? I thought I told you we were having dinner with Diane's friend." His sister told him eventually.
"You did." He replied, coldly.
"Ok...then...what the hell do you want that couldn't wait until tomorrow at school?" Angel looked suddenly at her, hurt and pain in his eyes.
"Well, I guess I shouldn't be here, huh?" He glared at her while standing up. "I'm sorry I interrupted your evening. It was nice seeing you tonight."
"You really don't wanna be using sarcasm with me." She warned him coldly and he smiled at her. It was not a truthful smile, that, Buffy was sure of it.
"Oh yeah? I should know better than that, huh?" he replied angrily glaring at her.
"Gee, what is wrong with you?" Kristin asked, incredulously.
"You tell me." Angel stated coldly.
"Angel I swear if you don't stop that cryptic guy act, I'll"
"You'll what?" He snapped furiously. "Throw me out? How sweet of you to threaten your own brother! But you wouldn't wanna break a nail, wouldn't ya? I'll save you the trouble!" He walked to the door quietly but quickly and left the room. Kristin followed him instantly, she clearly wasn't finished with him. Buffy followed the both of them around the house. She knew perfectly well that she shouldn't be witnessing the whole scene and that it would be better to just wait until they calmed down, but she couldn't help herself.
*God, he's so sexy when he's angry!* she had stared at him from the moment she recognized him, and was fighting to keep control and not hug him tight, kiss him and never let him go. *I sooo shouldn't be thinking that! He doesn't need a groupie right now...more like a friend.*
"I'm sick and tired of you crawling around me! You gotta get a life Bro!" Kristin yelled at her brother, making him stop at the first step of the stairs and turn around.
"I HAD a life!" Angel yelled back. "I've even had THREE different lives in 18 years! Don't you think it's a bit too much?"
"Need I remind you it has been exactly the same for me? I'm feeling just like you right now!" Kristin exclaimed. The fight between the sister and the brother was so loud that Diane, Frank and Joyce heard their argument from the dining room. Alerted by the yells, they came over to witness the scene from downstairs, as Buffy was doing upstairs next to Kristin.
"No you're not!" Angel disagreed. He was completely overreacting and he knew it, but he also needed to scream out his frustrations and all those feelings that were eating him up. "There was a time where you completely understood me without even having to ask! We lived through hell together and you were the only one I could share what I was feeling with."
"It's still true." Kristin interrupted him.
"No, it's all different now. You don't know me anymore."
"I gotta admit you're right on that point. Cause unlike you, I've learned to move on. I deal, but I don't change." She replied harshly, which caused him to darken even more.
"Yeah, you deal. You do real good at that Kris! Brand new house, new school, new friends...you even have nice family dinners with your brand new FAMILLY. But you think you didn't change?" Angel shook his head almost violently. "You did. You changed completely. Cause my sister would NEVER allow anyone to replace her true family. A year ago you would have run out of the god damn house the first opportunity you got. So no, I don't deal. Everybody expect me to become a nice polite thankful boy. But guess what, that's not me! I don't WANT to deal!"
"And because you do, I gotta throw away the one chance I have to make things right? You're so jealous that I can move on and"
She was interrupted by Buffy, who couldn't stand to just stand and watch the hurt in Angel's eyes. "Kristin! Go easy on him, can't you see he's hurting?" she told her new friend calmly. The brunette looked at Buffy for a moment, then back at her brother. She saw that he truly was on the edge of the abyss and that he didn't need much more to fall over. His eyes were a little puffy and red. *He had been crying before we arrived.* she realized.
"Who is this boy?" Joyce whispered to her friend.
"You remember when we told you Kristin only arrived in the family a few weeks ago?" Joyce nodded. "Well that's her brother Angel. He's 18...that is 3 years older than Kristin, so the social services decided he was the cause to her troubles in the past and they sent him in a terrible foster family in the other side of Sunnydale, from what Kristin told us." Diane explained in a whisper.
"Look, Angel...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you this way." Kristin apologized softly. "I...I hate seeing you like this. Just tell me what your problem is." Angel looked at her for a moment, then sighted and walked all the way downstairs. Kristin and Buffy followed him, wanting to stop him from going away. "I don't understand why you don't wanna try starting fresh...a new life. Without any troubled past, only future ahead." Explained Kristin when Angel reached downstairs. He turned around and looked at his sister, amazed by what she said.
"Do you even have to ask?" he replied, his eyes wide open.
"What's wrong with this life?" she asked again.
"I HATE this life! I hate where I live, I hate that I have to go to SCHOOL, I hate the whole fucking town!" He spat at her.
"You don't even try making friends, how do-"
He cut her off immediately. "Where the hell do you want me to make friends? At school? Are you kidding me? I would NEVER make friends with those snobby morons! I am NOT one of them, and I refuse to become one of them. They have no idea what the fucking life is made of! I'm not a naïve little kid who believes life is the best in the best of the worlds anymore. It stopped a long time ago."
"You don't know, it's not that bad. Give them a chance, people might surprise you."
"No. Nothing can surprise me anymore. Sunnydale is worse than Hell for me! I'm suffocating here."
"Yeah. Because it's a small town, and there is no one you can be the leader of. I get that. I was there next to you Angel. I know you, believe that. You ruled the streets of New York for years and when we moved to LA, you won the streets in a couple of months. In Sunnydale, there's none of that. No gangs, no lost kids...no family to create again."
Even without knowing what happened after their parents' death, Buffy knew that what Kristin just said was exactly the truth just by looking at Angel. He was staring at his shoes, trying to keep a hold on his emotions. After a moment of silence, Diane walked quietly over Angel.
"Angel, I want you to know that you are welcome here. You can visit Kristin as often as you want, you don't even have to ask for permission." Diane told him kindly.
"You are a member of our family too, son." Frank replied, putting a hand on his shoulder for comfort. Instantly, Angel backed away, glaring at the Parkers.
"I am NOT a member of your family. You are nothing to me, and you are certainly not my parents." He told them coldly.
"Angel honey, you should calm down." Diane continued. "What your parents did to you was traumatizing, but I swear you don't have to worry about us doing the same thing. We would never abandon you."
"You know NOTHING about me or my parents!" He yelled at them. "You are nothing to me, you understand? Nothing! And you are not my sister's parents. No matter how hard you try, you'll never replace them. I won't let it happen! I'll kill you if I have to."
"Angel! Stop that!" Kristin screamed at him, joining his side and keeping him away from her new family. "Angel, listen to me. You are my only family, I love you. No one will ever change that, no matter what. I swear. But I'm only 15, I can't do it by myself. Especially now that you're not allowed to live with me. I need adults to help me start my life. They are not my parents. Our parents are gone, but nothing can take their place." He cast his gaze on the floor again, but his sister would have none of it. She raised his chin with her fingers until their eyes locked, and she could see a solitary tear making its way down his cheek. "Why did you come here tonight?" He took a few minutes to answer her question.
"I-I...I wanted to see you. To make sure I wasn't alone. Kris, I feel so lonely, it scares me." He admitted, tears rolling freely on his face. They hugged for a long time, comforting each other that they were still here for the other. When they finally pulled back, Angel looked at Diane and Frank, and a feeling of guilt coursed his body. "Huh...I'm sorry...for what I said. I didn't mean it." He apologized, unable to meet their gazes.
"It's alright Angel. We can understand that you were upset, it's forgotten." Diane reassured him with a warm smile. "And you're welcome to stay here the night."
"Thank you...I appreciate."
"Not a problem. Now if you'll excuse us, we're going to leave you three kids alone. We have to talk about grown-ups stuff." She told them, taking her husband's arm and leading him and a stunned Joyce back to the living room.
"I'm really sorry for everything I said." Angel apologized to his sister again.
"Oh, it's already the past. Now let's tease you to death for the rest of the evening." She told him, grinning. He rolled his eyes as Kristin took an also grinning Buffy by the arm, going back to her room. Angel followed them quickly, his tears already dried on his cheeks.
*********
Author: Valerie
E-mail: funbreath@msn.com
Disclaimer: they don't belong to me
Summary: AU Angel is new at Sunnydale High. He meets Buffy and the gang. They think he's just a regular kid. Not likely.
Timeline: during season 2 of BTVS...sorta. Let's just say that Buffy and the gang are in their Junior year in Sunnydale High.
Spoilers: as far as alternate universe goes...almost nothing. References on demons from BTVS and Angel from time to time, but that's about it
Rating: R
Distribution: You can take it but ask me first please.
Feedback: That's a big big big yes!!!!! It's my first fic, so please?
*********
3.
The dreaded night had finally arrived. Joyce was wearing a fancy long dress that she only wore in these cases. She looked at her daughter who was silent. "Buffy you look fantastic. I'm glad you dressed up a bit." At that, Buffy turned her head towards her mother, startled.
*WHAT? Dressed up?* she looked down and saw that she was still wearing her pair of blue jeans, her white tank top and her black short jacket. *You've gotta be kidding me! She actually thinks I tried to dress up? So much for the rebellious impression I wanted to give. Damn, my good fashion sense is paying me back!*
As the Parker lived only two blocks away from them, Joyce and Buffy had walked to their house. When they arrived at the right number, Joyce walked along the alley that led to her friend's home. Eventually, Buffy took a look at the house. Her eyes widened.
"Wow! It's huge!" she remarked. "I had no idea you made that much money working at that gallery. How come we don't have a house like this? Where is the money?"
Joyce chuckled slightly. "Well, I don't have a millionaire husband Buffy."
"Millionaire?"
"Yes, Diane's husband owns a very big computer company. Come on sweetheart."
Buffy followed her to the front door. After ringing the bell they waited a few seconds and a seemingly fifty year old lady in a black dress with a white apron opened the door.
"Mrs and Miss Summers?" Joyce nodded. "Good evening. My name is Mary. Please, come on in. Mr and Mrs Parker are waiting for you in the living room."
*Holy Jesus Christ! They have a MAID!!!!* Buffy thought, stunned. Inside the house was every bit of what she thought it would be from the outside. It was huge and decorated with an artist's touch. Mary led them to the living room where a couple in their forties was sitting on a big couch in front of the fireplace, chatting happily.
"Mr and Mrs Parker? Your guests have arrived." Mary informed them before leaving the room.
"Joyce, how are you?" Diane Parker greeted her friend, standing and walking to her with a big warm smile. "And this must be Buffy. You look gorgeous if I might say!" she shook her hand friendlily.
"Nice to meet you Mrs Parker." She replied politely. *Hey! I actually like her!*
"This is my husband Frank." Diane introduced Joyce and Buffy to her husband. They exchanged a few nice to meet yous and how are you tonights, and they all sat on the couch, Frank giving them all a drink.
"Buffy sweetheart, I don't think you're going to be interested in the grown up talk. Let me introduce you to Kristin." Diane told Buffy with a grin. She called the girl loud enough so that she would hear her from her room. "This way you'll be able to talk about boys instead of boring paintings!"
"I gotta say, you read my mind!" Buffy replied, grinning too at the charming lady. A minute later Kristin entered the living room. She was exactly what Buffy thought she wouldn't be. Kristin was a tall girl with long brown hair. She was wearing black jeans and a black t-shirt with a silver skull printed on the front that was short enough to show her stomach. She had a rose tattoo on the left hip, a tiny diamond piercing on the nose and one on the belly button. Her pretty face was make-up free but she had obviously taken care of her hair so that it would hang around her face without falling onto her eyes.
"Kristen, honey, let me introduce you Joyce Summers, my colleague from the gallery, and her daughter Buffy." Diane told her. The girl looked at Buffy and raised her eyebrows. She was clearly expecting, as Buffy was, some little art geek.
"Nice to meet ya" she finally greeted Buffy.
"Same here." The slayer replied with a smile.
"So girls, are you going to stay around to discuss the new exhibition on African traditions and communications throughout paintings and sculpture or do you want to go do something on your own until dinner?" Frank Parker asked them half-seriously. The two girls exchanged a look and ran out of the living room.
*****
Buffy and Kristin were getting along very well. They sat in the other living room talking about everything, laughing about stories of their previous boyfriends. They understood each other perfectly, seeing that they had both arrived in Sunnydale High School in the middle of the year from Hemery in Los Angeles. Kristin was a freshman in Sunnydale High, so she was two years younger than Buffy, but she looked as old as the slayer. The dinner went amazingly well too, which surprised very much Buffy. She had completely expected to be bored out of her mind, but the Parkers and her mother didn't talk about art at all. Later in the evening, after dinner, Kristin and Buffy went outside for a little bit while the adults were still talking in the dining room.
"Wow! It's gigantic!" Buffy exclaimed when she saw the garden. It was indeed very large, with a big swimming pool, a pool house, an area with chairs and a table.
"I know. I totally freaked when I first came in here. Well.not as much as I did when I stepped into the house." Kristin agreed.
"What do you mean? I thought your parents said they had it built only 5 years ago. You weren't there when the building started?"
"Actually no. I only arrived a few weeks ago. Diane and Frank are not my real parents, they couldn't have children so they asked the social services if they could help by becoming foster parents for a kid. That's how I came in here. I was lucky, they are so cool!"
"What happened? With your real parents? If you don't mind me asking." Buffy asked softly.
"It's all right, I don't mind talking about it. They died when I was 9 after abandoning my brother and me. We were staying at a friend's house for the night. Before they left, they called the social services so that they would pick us up at our friend's and take care of us. But the same night they were killed in a fire." Kristin explained, showing no real emotion on her face.
"That's horrible." Buffy commented, feeling really bad for her new friend.
"Yeah. We felt so betrayed. But with the years we learned to move on. We lived with different foster families.and from time to time in an orphanage. First in our home town in New York. But we just couldn't deal with all of the changes. We started going on the streets, meeting new people and never following the rules. The kids of the streets became our new family. My brother was the leader of the whole group. Ok, it was not a healthy style of life, but we were fine. Then our problems at school and in the families made the social services move us out, they sent us to Los Angeles a year ago. We attended Hemery there. But it was the same than in New York. We made new friends on the streets, and after a full year plus two months, we arrived here."
"But where is your brother? I mean your parents.er.Diane and Frank, didn't mention him."
"Oh, that's the funny part." She replied sarcastically. "See, the social services believed it was all my brother's fault we made that much trouble. Cause he's 3 years older than me, he doesn't give a damn about rules and school and he doesn't mind at all getting into fights. It's not that he's a rebellious kind of guy really.I think he took the fact that my parents were planning to abandon us before they died a lot worse than me. He never showed his emotions to anyone except me. Anyway, when we arrived here they put us in different foster families. He lives 10 minutes from here."
For a moment both girls were quiet, trying to think about what to say next. The wind came a little stronger, making the window of Kristin's bedroom at the first floor open itself. Music came from the room.
//And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest thing to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight//
"You left the stereo playing in your room." Buffy told Kristin, seeing that from what they could see from the garden, the room was completely dark.
"No I didn't." Kristin muttered, sighting heavily.
"Something wrong?" Buffy asked, surprised.
"I don't know. Guess we're gonna have to find out." Kristin walked back inside, followed by Buffy. The two girls climbed the stairs quickly, and as they walked along the many corridors to the brunette's bedroom, the song was getting louder and louder.
//And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am//
Kristin finally opened the door. Buffy could tell the room was huge, even if it was completely dark inside.
"Sometimes you're a real pain in the ass, you know?" Kristin exclaimed loud enough to cover the song which was playing very loud.
// I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am//
Buffy just stared strangely at her friend, who was, as far as she knew, talking to her bedroom (?), her stereo (?), the song (?)...
"I'll never understand what is wrong with you!" Kristin continued, stepping into the room and reaching for the light. She turned on a small lamp next to the door which illuminated most of the room enough to walk completely inside without any risk of falling. Buffy followed Kristin in the room as she closed the door behind them.
"Who are you talking to?" Buffy eventually asked.
// I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am//
Just as the same song was about to start again, Kristin turned off the stereo and turned on a more powerful lamp next to it, which left only a few shadows in the corners. In one of the corners, at the opposite of the door and not far from the window, Buffy was surprised to see that someone was sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall. A few moments later, when she became used to the little darkness that was still surrounding that person, she recognized the guy.
*OH MY GOD!!* She was a little more than shocked to see Angel.
"You HAVE to stop doing that, you know?" Kristin told him. After a few seconds, he turned slightly his head and glared at her. "WHAT is your problem?" He never answered, he simply turned his head back and buried it in his hands, sighting loudly. "I thought I told you to get rid of that CD? You just HAVE to stop listening to that song!"
"What's wrong with that song?" Buffy asked, curious.
"The lyrics hit way too hard home for him. It's like the guy who's singing talks about his life." Kristin answered.
"oh." She simply murmured. *'I don't want the world to see me'...yeah, I guess it fits the character. He didn't try very hard to make friends at school. He barely talks to anyone.* The slayer turned her gaze back to Angel and noticed he was looking at her. She smiled softly. "Hi! Angel right? I'm Buffy." She introduced herself politely. He didn't seem to recognize her because he was still staring at her with a frown. "We have classes together." She explained quickly, which he answered by rolling his eyes.
"Angel, you know I don't mind having you here, but what are you doing here tonight? I thought I told you we were having dinner with Diane's friend." His sister told him eventually.
"You did." He replied, coldly.
"Ok...then...what the hell do you want that couldn't wait until tomorrow at school?" Angel looked suddenly at her, hurt and pain in his eyes.
"Well, I guess I shouldn't be here, huh?" He glared at her while standing up. "I'm sorry I interrupted your evening. It was nice seeing you tonight."
"You really don't wanna be using sarcasm with me." She warned him coldly and he smiled at her. It was not a truthful smile, that, Buffy was sure of it.
"Oh yeah? I should know better than that, huh?" he replied angrily glaring at her.
"Gee, what is wrong with you?" Kristin asked, incredulously.
"You tell me." Angel stated coldly.
"Angel I swear if you don't stop that cryptic guy act, I'll"
"You'll what?" He snapped furiously. "Throw me out? How sweet of you to threaten your own brother! But you wouldn't wanna break a nail, wouldn't ya? I'll save you the trouble!" He walked to the door quietly but quickly and left the room. Kristin followed him instantly, she clearly wasn't finished with him. Buffy followed the both of them around the house. She knew perfectly well that she shouldn't be witnessing the whole scene and that it would be better to just wait until they calmed down, but she couldn't help herself.
*God, he's so sexy when he's angry!* she had stared at him from the moment she recognized him, and was fighting to keep control and not hug him tight, kiss him and never let him go. *I sooo shouldn't be thinking that! He doesn't need a groupie right now...more like a friend.*
"I'm sick and tired of you crawling around me! You gotta get a life Bro!" Kristin yelled at her brother, making him stop at the first step of the stairs and turn around.
"I HAD a life!" Angel yelled back. "I've even had THREE different lives in 18 years! Don't you think it's a bit too much?"
"Need I remind you it has been exactly the same for me? I'm feeling just like you right now!" Kristin exclaimed. The fight between the sister and the brother was so loud that Diane, Frank and Joyce heard their argument from the dining room. Alerted by the yells, they came over to witness the scene from downstairs, as Buffy was doing upstairs next to Kristin.
"No you're not!" Angel disagreed. He was completely overreacting and he knew it, but he also needed to scream out his frustrations and all those feelings that were eating him up. "There was a time where you completely understood me without even having to ask! We lived through hell together and you were the only one I could share what I was feeling with."
"It's still true." Kristin interrupted him.
"No, it's all different now. You don't know me anymore."
"I gotta admit you're right on that point. Cause unlike you, I've learned to move on. I deal, but I don't change." She replied harshly, which caused him to darken even more.
"Yeah, you deal. You do real good at that Kris! Brand new house, new school, new friends...you even have nice family dinners with your brand new FAMILLY. But you think you didn't change?" Angel shook his head almost violently. "You did. You changed completely. Cause my sister would NEVER allow anyone to replace her true family. A year ago you would have run out of the god damn house the first opportunity you got. So no, I don't deal. Everybody expect me to become a nice polite thankful boy. But guess what, that's not me! I don't WANT to deal!"
"And because you do, I gotta throw away the one chance I have to make things right? You're so jealous that I can move on and"
She was interrupted by Buffy, who couldn't stand to just stand and watch the hurt in Angel's eyes. "Kristin! Go easy on him, can't you see he's hurting?" she told her new friend calmly. The brunette looked at Buffy for a moment, then back at her brother. She saw that he truly was on the edge of the abyss and that he didn't need much more to fall over. His eyes were a little puffy and red. *He had been crying before we arrived.* she realized.
"Who is this boy?" Joyce whispered to her friend.
"You remember when we told you Kristin only arrived in the family a few weeks ago?" Joyce nodded. "Well that's her brother Angel. He's 18...that is 3 years older than Kristin, so the social services decided he was the cause to her troubles in the past and they sent him in a terrible foster family in the other side of Sunnydale, from what Kristin told us." Diane explained in a whisper.
"Look, Angel...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you this way." Kristin apologized softly. "I...I hate seeing you like this. Just tell me what your problem is." Angel looked at her for a moment, then sighted and walked all the way downstairs. Kristin and Buffy followed him, wanting to stop him from going away. "I don't understand why you don't wanna try starting fresh...a new life. Without any troubled past, only future ahead." Explained Kristin when Angel reached downstairs. He turned around and looked at his sister, amazed by what she said.
"Do you even have to ask?" he replied, his eyes wide open.
"What's wrong with this life?" she asked again.
"I HATE this life! I hate where I live, I hate that I have to go to SCHOOL, I hate the whole fucking town!" He spat at her.
"You don't even try making friends, how do-"
He cut her off immediately. "Where the hell do you want me to make friends? At school? Are you kidding me? I would NEVER make friends with those snobby morons! I am NOT one of them, and I refuse to become one of them. They have no idea what the fucking life is made of! I'm not a naïve little kid who believes life is the best in the best of the worlds anymore. It stopped a long time ago."
"You don't know, it's not that bad. Give them a chance, people might surprise you."
"No. Nothing can surprise me anymore. Sunnydale is worse than Hell for me! I'm suffocating here."
"Yeah. Because it's a small town, and there is no one you can be the leader of. I get that. I was there next to you Angel. I know you, believe that. You ruled the streets of New York for years and when we moved to LA, you won the streets in a couple of months. In Sunnydale, there's none of that. No gangs, no lost kids...no family to create again."
Even without knowing what happened after their parents' death, Buffy knew that what Kristin just said was exactly the truth just by looking at Angel. He was staring at his shoes, trying to keep a hold on his emotions. After a moment of silence, Diane walked quietly over Angel.
"Angel, I want you to know that you are welcome here. You can visit Kristin as often as you want, you don't even have to ask for permission." Diane told him kindly.
"You are a member of our family too, son." Frank replied, putting a hand on his shoulder for comfort. Instantly, Angel backed away, glaring at the Parkers.
"I am NOT a member of your family. You are nothing to me, and you are certainly not my parents." He told them coldly.
"Angel honey, you should calm down." Diane continued. "What your parents did to you was traumatizing, but I swear you don't have to worry about us doing the same thing. We would never abandon you."
"You know NOTHING about me or my parents!" He yelled at them. "You are nothing to me, you understand? Nothing! And you are not my sister's parents. No matter how hard you try, you'll never replace them. I won't let it happen! I'll kill you if I have to."
"Angel! Stop that!" Kristin screamed at him, joining his side and keeping him away from her new family. "Angel, listen to me. You are my only family, I love you. No one will ever change that, no matter what. I swear. But I'm only 15, I can't do it by myself. Especially now that you're not allowed to live with me. I need adults to help me start my life. They are not my parents. Our parents are gone, but nothing can take their place." He cast his gaze on the floor again, but his sister would have none of it. She raised his chin with her fingers until their eyes locked, and she could see a solitary tear making its way down his cheek. "Why did you come here tonight?" He took a few minutes to answer her question.
"I-I...I wanted to see you. To make sure I wasn't alone. Kris, I feel so lonely, it scares me." He admitted, tears rolling freely on his face. They hugged for a long time, comforting each other that they were still here for the other. When they finally pulled back, Angel looked at Diane and Frank, and a feeling of guilt coursed his body. "Huh...I'm sorry...for what I said. I didn't mean it." He apologized, unable to meet their gazes.
"It's alright Angel. We can understand that you were upset, it's forgotten." Diane reassured him with a warm smile. "And you're welcome to stay here the night."
"Thank you...I appreciate."
"Not a problem. Now if you'll excuse us, we're going to leave you three kids alone. We have to talk about grown-ups stuff." She told them, taking her husband's arm and leading him and a stunned Joyce back to the living room.
"I'm really sorry for everything I said." Angel apologized to his sister again.
"Oh, it's already the past. Now let's tease you to death for the rest of the evening." She told him, grinning. He rolled his eyes as Kristin took an also grinning Buffy by the arm, going back to her room. Angel followed them quickly, his tears already dried on his cheeks.
*********